New here and starting Topa and with a question

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you Bruun. I haven t read many posts, but I really love your dog. Thank you.

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Airam,

I did try Topamax and it didn't work for me. I didn't feel like it reduced my craving and the SE were very bad for me. I was so very sleepy and felt stupid. I also had sinus issues.

Illum posted about Nal so I decided to give it a try. It will be good to compare notes over the next few months. I do know that this is a long process but I am willing to give it a try.

I don't enter this site at work either. I don't want anyone seeing my browsing history. I wait until I get home and even then I use the "In Private" mode so my son can't see my browsing history.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo everyone - just been watching The Wedding - sigh ....she looked gorgeous!

anyway - girl - sorry you are feeling so wretched. I know we keep asking you - BUT why don't you consider antabuse? you wouldn't be able to drink..... Just keep checking in with us.

Airam - I was so pleased to see you post - I am sorry that you had such a hard time with Bac - I just could never even consider it with all the horror stories I hear - although it has had lots of success too. I like that with the Topa, I know exactly how much to take when. And it does work with me with minimal SE's. I am feeling the effects of it - it is now up to me to listen to it. I know that I do often pour out my drinks these nights. I do know what you mean about wanting indifference, but I think we just have to take what we can get. If I really really listen to the Topa, I do get that - of sorts - I get "I just don't want that" - after one or two anyway. I am at 250 now. And hardly any side effects - can't think of a word sometimes which is annoying. People just think I am special :H

DYD I have come to terms with what is happening with Mags - or thought I had! Yesterday she turned up her nose at breakfast (the vet said when she stopped eating would be the time) and I freaked- thought to myself "You WILL eat this", but I gave her the good stuff first and she wolfed it down then she ate the kibble stuff just fine. Relief!! Did you used to drink with your brother? That must have felt good to be turned off by your brothers consumption and good for you not letting your son in the car with him. And the pacing is good too - when i have more than my two, that is what I will do. It sounds as if you have a really good handle on things.

Bruun - how are things going with you - your diet and your AL consumption? You are off the HCG diet now - so how are things going? Where are you at with AL? I agree that there is no one way and that we all have to find our own - wish it wasn't so darned hard!! I am not good at taking supplements, plus I always feel as if they are sitting on my chest, so i just use the all-One powder - I get the Green one and mix it with a banana and some fruit juice (pineapple orange is the flavour of the day), some ground flax and a little milk - and I have a meal! I can tell when i am not having it - it really does make a difference! I could tell I was starting to feel - just not right so started it about a week ago and can feel the difference already. Let me know if you want the web site where I get it - the health store here only has one or two types.

BK - hope all is well with you too. When do you have your Nova thingie done? I do hope that it helps the way that you are feeling. And then in turn that might help with the AL - I do hope so, it would be wonderful for you.

Illum - I know you are travelling but I hope you can find somewhere to check in sometime - we miss you.

I need to get back to The Wedding. They are probably waiting for me !!! LOL

Hugs to all,

love, Sun XXX

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thanks to you all.....last night at work I had a panic moment, and today I was to drive 45 minutes to school and could not get on the freeway, I just cried and had panic feelings. I can't stop crying lately and it is affecting my life! If you asked me I would say the tears are those of shame for what I have become. I can't get over what I have done to myself. I have anxiety anyway and AL does not help - I am afraid to go cold turkey...I would need some time off. I want to slowly cut down (as usual) but it is hard. I need to get my ass back to liquor stores so I can buy small bottles, not the grocery store where I buy a 750ml. I'm just so tired, of everything, it's so hard (duh!) and I have been pounding for so many years (8?) I wonder how long it will take to be free and cleanse my body. I also think I have raging PMS which is conntributing to the tears, but the panic? I had one drink this afternoon, but also took 3 .50 klonopin and still had mega anxiety. I searched online for detox centers in my town....I have no insurance and sorry I don't care to go to the inner city for detox......I want to do it at home. I dont know guys but I am truly a mess - I admit it, I need help because I am sick.

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Girl, you would never believe how much I identify with you. So I speak from that point of view. I tent to see you as a girl and as student, which you are, but you are also a woman. You can DO things for you. I think there must be a place where you can go and feel comfort. Not a rehab center, nor a hospital. Maybe an online friend you can talk to. Or a religious organization (it doesn t matter if you believe or not). Girl, I myself am not ok by any means, but thinking in my own very humble way, maybe you should change your name to Woman1973, because that s what you are. We love you, we care of you, and we ll be here for you.


Sorry for my English, I tried so much to make this post convincing because you need to start taking care of yourself.... we Really care of you...

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Girl - my heart goes out to you, but maybe you really don't have a choice here - if the inner city is the only way then maybe that is what you have to do. Unless you have a friend who can sit with you while you do it at home, otherwise it can be dangerous. You would have to research it and also maybe post here to find out how others have done it? Post on the general thread - I know others have done it, but it is hard. I so wish I could help, but only you can actually decide that you have had it and need to stop. Maybe post on the Need Help ASAP forum and ask what others have done?? Maybe someone who has detoxed at home might help you with it.... please try that. You really need to do something - you are screaming out for help, and although we can be here to hold your hand and support you, we can't actually help you. Only someone who has been in your shoes and done an at-home detox can. Please consider posting elsewhere on the site and ask for help - we will be here to hold your hand and support you and send you hugs. :l:l:l:h:h:h

Airam - your English is wonderful - and I think your post was great! I agree with you on everything you said!

Love, Sun XX

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

pmdd

After a panic on Thursday and failure to attend class on Friday because I was in too much of a panic to get on the freeway, and could no stop crying all week......today at noon my monthly female mother nature friend arrived and relief ran through my body! I researched PMDD and WOW it is exactly what I felt. Not to downplay the AL, but today I had about 2 ounces tops of wine with kool aid and did not touch vodka until 5 pm! I madew the effort, as I did yesterday and was successful in my endeavors. But I have done it before and was happy....dare I say maybe this time will be different.....Honestly an hour after the 'female thing' started I felt 100000% better. Although I am weepy now from reading your sweet and loving posts!! My instructor was very understanding thank God! At this point I will accept night drinking.....but the afternoon drinking must STOP!!!!!!!!! WTF is with me? Google PMDD - I had thoughts (would never do it) of wanting to die! And the non stop crying - over what? I have no idea...... Hugs to you all, always here for me......bless you!

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sunshine,

Glad your Mags is eating.

I haven't hung out with my brother in YEARS. I remember once going out to a bar with him but it's not regular. He lives in another state and we've had issues. He has bad temper problems in addition to his drinking. Boring, long story but I'm fine with keeping away from him.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, trying to go AF tonight, been hungover for many days and feeling exhausted, so that may help alot. Sad, though. Diet and AL gone to pieces for the last two or more weeks.

DYD, your relationship with your brother sounds like mine. No love lost. Again, sad.

Girl, I'm so glad you've ID'd the PMS, it sounds like you've got the serious version and better get on it, because I know from having severe PMS you feel like you have a semblance of control that that week before your period starts and you go to pieces. AL always is part of that nightmare week for me.

Sun, how's Mags doing?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - just got in from work after the late shift!

Girl - I am so pleased that you are feeling better, and hope that next month you can try and get a handle on it before it gets that bad - not sure how, but try and work something out. When you Googled it, were there any suggestions? Can you go to a free clinic or something and get something - anything to help lessen the effects? Years ago, the week before I was due, I would take a calcium magnesium supplement and it worked really well - but it must have the magnesium in it too. And good for you with cutting down on the drinking - keep it up!! hugs to you :l:h

Bruun - how did your night of trying to go AF go? If your diet and Al intake was bad for a while, are you ready to take the bull by the horns again? sometimes you have to wait until you feel really bad to start it again don't you? Have you managed to yet? Keep trying my friend - you will get there!! It is just SO hard I know. My mum e-mailed me the other night and asked how come I have NO problem with not eating junk/cutting down on sweet stuff etc., etc., so I e-mailed her back and said "how come you have no problem with not drinking?". We both have our own vices. I am so sorry that you have both mums and mine - sorry I guess that wasn't a very good thing to tell you. Do you smoke? If not - why not? how come you don't? (you don't do you - if you do, I have really made a right royal mess of this!!!).

Bruun and DYD - thank you for asking after Maggie - I am struggling with it. She is doing okay - she snapped at Ben (our other dog) as she obviously just wanted to be left alone. I don't think she has much more than a couple of weeks left. She is still eating but not with as much gusto - she eats the 'good' stuff and then will go back and eat the kibble stuff but not all of it. Because Ben is a rescue dog that we got just last December, he will really need another dog as a companion when Mags is gone - he had been badly abused and is very shy and scared and needs another dog - so I am having to call the rescue sheltie place and talk to them about finding another one which is killing me. they know my situation and are being really sweet. I am going to see one on Thursday and just don't want to. But to be fair to Ben I have to. It is just so hard for me to think ahead to when she won't be here. Sorry, I didn't mean to waffle on.

SO, how are you all doing otherwise? DYD? How are things going for you? Have you got any Nal yet? I am thinking of asking my doc for some (again) when I see him next - I didn't take the last lot he gave me. he will wonder what I am playing at. Plus of course I am taking the Topa. I should be going up to 300 mg this week. I can't decide if I am just drinking over it or what. Tonight when I got in from work I poured my Guinness and had the one, then poured a 2nd and really don't want it. I am tired and going to bed in a minute but if I was staying up, I could easily have another. I suppose I just need to use some willpower. I think really I am just wanting a magic pill that will do it all for me. I understand the Bac users just doing Bac as they get that indifference. but I would never try bac - I know me and meds!!

We haven't heard from BK in ages - or what seems like ages BK - WHERE ARE YOU? And I know Illum is on her travels but it would be nice if she could just pop in.

Airam - it has been lovely to hear from you too recently - I hope that you can pop in more frequently. Are you back at the 25 mg again? The Bac sounded bad for you. But I can understand you wanting that indifference. It is so good to hear from you anyway. thank you so much for starting this thread!! :l:l

I need to get going - hugs to all,

Love, Sun X

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone~

I'm sorry I haven't been here... My puppy got really sick after his shots and couldn't walk for almost two weeks. I mean, we had to carry him out to go to the bathroom so I was up at night a lot. I will post more today when I have more time. Thanks for checking on me Sun.

hugs,
BK

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Aaawww - BK, I am sorry - is he okay now? I feel for you - that must have been hard for you - was he allergic to one of them? Glad to see you anyway. :l:l

Sun X

P.S. Bruun - I tried to PM you - your box is full - gist of it was - what is "GG" testing??

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun,

I'm confused by your question. I have just completed my fourth week on Nal so I definitely have some!

I don't think you'd want to take the Topa and the Nal at the same time.

And if I'm remembering correctly, isn't 250 mg the top level for Topa? If it's not taking away your cravings at this high level, do you think it will at a higher level? How high does your doctor think you should go?

This is all so challenging, isn't it? And I just have to be patient with the Nal because it takes months to kick in so I have to trust that I'm one of the 80% that it works for.

DYD? How are things going for you? Have you got any Nal yet? I am thinking of asking my doc for some (again) when I see him next - I didn't take the last lot he gave me. he will wonder what I am playing at. Plus of course I am taking the Topa. I should be going up to 300 mg this week. I can't decide if I am just drinking over it or what. Tonight when I got in from work I poured my Guinness and had the one, then poured a 2nd and really don't want it. I am tired and going to bed in a minute but if I was staying up, I could easily have another. I suppose I just need to use some willpower. I think really I am just wanting a magic pill that will do it all for me. I understand the Bac users just doing Bac as they get that indifference. but I would never try bac - I know me and meds!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh sorry DYD - I get confused easily LOL - for some reason I thought when I was typing that, that you hadn't. I didn't realise it took so long to kick in!! I always thought it was an immediate thing for some reason or other.

Umm, no, the top level for Topa is 300mg - that is what is suggested in the book. Which is this week. It does work to an extent. I just have to let it. Which is what I am finding harder this time. I think I might dig out my Alan Carr Easy Way book - I remember reading that last time along with the Topa and his book really helped. It made a lot of sense and helped get over that bit of "do I or don't I " mentality.

Got to get ready for work,

Hugs, Sun XX

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning... I won't have time to address everyone but hugs to all.

Just a quick update.... My puppy is great. woot woot. I don't know what shot got him but now they say he will have to stay at the vet for several hours after his shots and do some pre-treatment.

As for me... I'm officially off the Topa. My GP said he wanted me to stop taking it. He gave me Lexapro which I really like. It seems to help more so with my wine craving than anything. We will see when I am taking it longer if it lasts. I am thinking that the majority of my drinking is due to stress or me not recognizing that I am stressed. I hate saying that I am stressed cause I feel that its a weakness like I can't handle things. NO offense to anyone because I am very supporting to my friends who are stressed or upset. I just never allow myself to be. Does that make any sense?

xoxo
BK