New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Many of us are highly functioning W2W, although I personally don't go to the lengths you do to hide it, I have thought about it!

You can do this.

[irishfairy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Wine,

I've not posted on this thread before, but just read your post so thought I'd chip in. I tried Baclofen a couple of months ago, but although enjoyed some of the quite pleasant side effects, had to discontinue it in the end - mainly because of the massive weight gain I experienced on it. I know that sounds really shallow but it really bothered me. Anyway, I decided to give Topa a go and am on Day 5. So far so good - I'm cautiously optimistic. Am also on Prozac, have been for about 8 months (40 mgs a day). Only side effects so far with Topa are a funny taste in mouth. Had a bad bout of depression day 2 and 3, but fine now so no idea if it were linked or not. Am worried about the side effects (especially hair loss and word loss as I train staff). Have still been drinking - minor success last night though. Went to the supermarket and got a bottle of wine which I had last night. When I went to bed remember feeling pleased that I didn't actually want more, which is unusual. Then this morning when I went to take it out to be recycled, there was actually about half a glass left in the bottle! I was very pleased.... Anyway good luck...nice to find someone else that's trying it at the same time as me.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi irishfairy - what a lovely name !! Nice to see you. The funny taste in your mouth goes away after a while - it did with me anyway. I did keep on drinking with Topa until I was much further along - did you read the book - well, both you and Wine - Topa doesn't work immediately and don't beat yourselves up if you do drink in the early days. I didn't get the hair falling out at all, although I have heard it can happen - I didn't even know it was a SE until I read on here about it. I did lose interest in food and had to make myself eat though. If you do get a particular SE, stay on the dosage you are on a bit longer until it eases up before titrating up. or go back down if you are higher up. Great that you are here with us,

Sun X

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welcome Wine and Irish!

Wine, I decided last year to try to address my alcohol issues. I started with therapy, seeing someone who I had seen in the past. While it was good (I always feel like it's good to explore what's going in on in my life), it didn't help me with my alcohol consumption.

Then, I decided to ask my doctor for anti-depressants wondering if I drank because I was depressed. I tried them for a while and didn't notice any difference so I stopped them.

Then I found MWO and tried Topa which didn't work for me. And by the way, I didn't lose my hair but I couldn't deal with the other SE and my drinking didn't decrease.

Now, I'm on Naltrexone, in my 17th week. It's a long process so the verdict is out yet on if I will be successful but I think it's been good for me.

Have you tried therapy? I think it's good to explore. Maybe you will find stuff you can work on that will help you with drinking.

I'm also a single mom but my son is 13.

And I can also relate to the embarrasment about the number of wine bottles in the recycle bin. I share my bin with my neighbor (he didn't want to be bothered with his own). And it's funny that I am embarassed by my wine bottles because he and his wife drink several vodka drinks every night!

It's good we have each other to talk about these things.

Nice to have new faces here and keep posting and be patient with yourselves.

[irishfairy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ah thanks - I've ordered the book but it's not arrived yet. Sun - are you still on Topa or not? Dream - what were the SEs you couldn't deal with? I'm reading through the thread but it's taking a while! Today is day 7, so I was thinking of up-ing the dose to 50mg - 25mg in the morning and 25mg in the afternoon - is that OK?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo Irish - yes I am still on it - according to the titration schedule, week 2 is 50 mg in the pm. Then if that goes well, week 3 is 25 in the am then 50 in the pm. One SE that I used to have and don't any more was tingles in my feet - which in one way drove me crazy as they were so severe but then it used to remind me that the Topa was working! I also sometimes forget words but that could be due to age as well!! And I have definitely lost weight, which as I am naturally slim, I don't need to and something I keep an eye on.

Hugs, Sun X

[Midnight]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - wow, what an active week on here! yay! First of all, Welcome to irishfairy and W2W! W2W - I used to go to therapy and discuss drinking, but haven't in years. I think it would be helpful, as the drinking covers up the underlying issues, and not drinking makes you realize they are still there! This is my second round on Topa, and the first night that my drinking was reduced, my issues REALLY surfaced. I wanted so badly to drink more so I wouldn't think so much about my issues, and it made me realize how much therapy may help. Anyway, maybe it isn't so for everyone. Also, I can relate on drinking to make yourself calmer with the kids. As soon as my boys start acting up, I reach for a beer. If I didn't, I feel like I would be more irritable as well. I was thinking the other day - what do other people do to cope? Are their kids just well behaved? Do they not scream and bite each other? Do the parents just ignore it? Or are they just better parents??? I don't know...


irishfairy -agree with Sun that your name is very cool! Also, I never had hair loss, and word loss improves, at least I think.

DYD - I think you've mentioned before, but are the numbers you posted units of alcohol? Seems like you are improving! Nice work! I would take those numbers any day!

Houtx - hope you stick around...I enjoyed reading your posts in the past.

Bruun - I have heard of Neurontin, but had never heard of gabapentrin - I think I even took it once in the past.

Illuminae - your relationship with Z sounds wonderful. He seems really like a best friend! Good for you!

Sun - I did really well early last week, but then ignored the signs since Thursday and crept back up (I guess that is drinking over it). However, it is still better than I've been without it. I drank 4 1/2 on Thursday and 5 on Friday, and WAY too much yesterday. Friday is my day off, besides the weekends. My home life is very stressful, and I am not coping very well besides drinking. While I was pregnant, what I will refer to as the kids' other parent (OP) (I don't think I shall refer to any other way as I don't see much equality in the relationship right now and we aren't all that happy, although I do hope things improve soon!) decided to start a small business. So, my son is now 21 months, and we have a 4 year old. The business still isn't making any money, so I am the soul breadwinner and since small businesses are a lot of work, I am also pretty a single mom - I do EVERYTHING around here with the kids and house on top of my full time job. I'm completely venting, but we are running out of money, and I'm very stressed. I feel like the business is really a hobby after a certain number of years if you aren't bringing in any income. So I guess my point is I drink a lot to deal with it. I'm very lonely as I'm either at work, or here with the kids alone. Sorry, enough of that, and I realize that plenty of people have "real" problems, not just this type of thing. Oh, one final thing - OP knows I drink a lot, but thinks I can just stop if I want to - like I'm eating cake or something. OP has no idea that I'm on this board, but knows about the Topa. We don't talk at all. I tell the cats...

Anyway, I don't want to vent too much, and am generally a very optimistic and VERY appreciative person for what I have in life - an amazing job and beautiful children! Just wish I could drink like normal people, although I do really love drinking! Actually, what I really wish, is that drinking wasn't dangerous, didn't put myself or other people at harm....that would be beautiful...

I'm so wordy because I got my laptop out and not my iPhone or iPad! But, the kids are needing my attention again - so, everyone have a wonderful Sunday!

Midnight (and Midnight is not meant to be dark and depressing - just the name of my first Dog!)

[Midnight]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

By the way Illuminae - was it you who posted a long time ago about airports and bars? I laughed at that, because I spend a lot of time traveling, and have my favorite bars in various airports. Hate Dulles, because you have to wait in line to drink, Chicago doesn't have enough bars. Denver is awesome. I finally got a credit card this year that comes with a Red Carpet Club membership, and the RCC now offers free drinks, and not just crappy drinks - but some good ones! I figured it would save me money as I can't expense drinks for work, but now that I've started Topa again at the higher dose, hopefully I'm saving money anyway. Had to repost though on this topic as I am an airport drinker, and generally travel quite a bit! Well wait, just a drinker who travels, guess I got the order wrong.

[winetowater]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Midnight, I just read your post and had to write a quick reply because I was in the EXACT same boat as you are now with my ex-husband. I was the sol bread winner, exclusively took care of our infant son and even hired a full time nanny once I went back to work after my maternity leave - even though he was home ALL DAY supposedly working on his business. I found out he was up to more than that - but that is another story. In any case, please don't discount how stressful this can be. This IS a REAL problem and it's the reason I ultimately left my ex-husband. I am in NO WAY advising you to do this. I just wanted you to know that I completely empathize. Stay strong and stay optimistic, sister.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Howdy Midnight,

Neurontin is a brand name for gabapentin, so you've taken it. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

Have a nice Sunday everyone. Midnight, hang in there, vent all you like, its part of the process in my opinion.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

midnight, your post cracked me up (a drinker who travels) and yes it was me that talked about drinking in airports I am sure. I travel a lot too! It's interesting isn't it that we map the airports out, know how long we have between flights and where we like to go the most. That's what I used to do anyway. I have been a pretty good person lately as far as NOT seeking out every bar in the airport, and then on the way back from Lake Tahoe I got stranded in San Fransisco for almost 4 1/2 hours and I hit the bar. But I was very proud of myself for being a slow and moderate drinker. All I could think of was getting home, checking in with Z, and not wanting to be an idiot for that.

Had a pretty good weekend. Hard time on Friday night/Saturday morning dealing with my very emotional daughter that likes to throw tantrums, but had some really good breakthroughs with her. Saturday was my birthday and so they tried to be on good behavior. Yesterday they baked and decorated a cake for me, we went to a movie, and then BBQ dinner back at the apartment. Today was even better, slept in late, had a picnic, went swimming, and then went to see the San Diego Gay Men's Chorus show "Guy Tunes." A guy who works for me is in the choir. It was really fun. Then we went to a nice dinner. The night ended with no tantrums so I was really happy. Chatted or texted with Z off and on, dreaming and planning for our future.

Been talking to my mom a lot more now too. She is trying really hard to understand what is going on with me but told me flat out that she never felt completely comfortable with my husband and actually felt like he wasn't even nice to her sometimes and she didn't really like coming to our house. That last part made me sad to hear, but I was reinforced to hear her say she basically never thought that me and him were a good idea.

Last night on facebook I connected with a friend from high school that is in a shitty marriage. She was wishing me a happy birthday on the site and noticed my "separated" status. She was curious, we instant messaged a lot of info, and then she called me today. Really married to a jerk, worse marriage than mine. Lazy, possessive, jealous, non-practicing alcoholic (was through a lot of their marriage). so similar that he doesn't treat her right at all, she has to drink to want to sleep with him (that was me), and then he gives her shit for drinking because he can't. Anyway, don't need to go on about my friend but it was nice to reconnect and hopefully I helped her. She said she's actually asked her husband to leave and he wont. I told her how I solved that problem and just left myself.

Winetowater: I have been there and done that more than once. Before I got married I had a boyfriend that moved in with me and was supposedly self-employed, turns out he didn't have a business, was dead broke, and all he did was work out a good part of the day, but then he did do my laundry and clean my house and stuff. I called him the "house boy" in retrospect.Sex was amazing, so there was something....

More relevant, I put my husband through school when he completely changed careers and we were expecting our first child. I was the primary breadwinner for a HUGE part of our marriage. I think that is going to really help me come out well with the divorce settlement. Speaking of that, I just want it to be done.

Now we essentially make about the same amount, we're not contesting much, so I just want to get it over with and move on. I'm already having a really good time checking out houses for sale in the neighborhood and daydreaming about Z and I buying one. We both like the same things and want this to be where we end up. My kids are even excited about it. Love browsing open houses and getting ideas about what we want and can afford and stuff.

And back to AL, I've still been taking 1/2 a NAL pill every day. Think I will switch to a whole one either tomorrow or when the kids go back to their dad this week.

Okay, enough about me. Great to see some new folks here. Keep on posting and supporting each other!!

Love,

Illuminae :l:h:l

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow - Illuminae...so much good stuff! Will comment more later -

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum, so glad things are going so well for you. I'm a traveler too, but can't drink on the plane or in airports, I get too dehydrated. And by the time I get to the home airport, I'm fried and can barely drive home the hour it takes. Don't know how you gals do it.

I do recall in my twenties when I used to fly across country every couple weeks that I'd get hammered the night before my flight, and a couple times I barfed in the hotel, in the airport, and then in the plane bathroom. That agony ... oh I don't want that again.

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Midnight,

Yes, the numbers I post are my units of alcohol. I have a spreadsheet where I track how much I drink. One unit of wine is 5 ounces.

It's been interesting to see how things have changed. I wish I had started earlier - even before I started with MWO, Topa and Nal.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm so encouraged to be back on here w/ you good ppl! I will be offline for a few days while my move is going on...but looking forward to rekindling some relationships here & seeing how it's going for everyone.


Bruunhilde - especially going to look into the combo of gabapentine & BAC...I need to try meds again as willpower has not happened!! So many others to address comments to, but it's late and I need to go.

Talk to you all later - :-))