New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

UGH - I posted a nice one, hit "post" and got logged off!! Makes me sooooooooo mad! What happened?!

Anyway, to briefly re-post, it's great to be back & thanks for the welcome! I'm going to try some of these supplements this time. Always felt the meds should stand on their own, but as I am going to try controlling w/o TOPA or anything else, want to get these vitamins and things that may help. Have not started the Allen Carr book yet...does he recm'd some also? We'll see...

Thanks for the offer of the coupon, Sun, but you keep it and use it. I'll order and hope they offer ones for future use...? I applaud your resolve to go AF!! I know it's something you've always kicked yourself over - just the dailiness of it as a habit. I can understand that, so you go, girl!! I cannot imagine my life 100% AF. I just can't do it. But if I could manage more AF days and cut back otherwise, is what I'm hoping. It's SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't we eat and drink as much as we want?! Life is so unfair as it is!!! LOL

For the most part I am doing well. I am highly functioning...never drink during the day but I think about it a lot. Thinking I should've gone to bed earlier and not had one more, why did I let myself close my eyes so that I fell asleep in my chair only to wake up in the wee hours (weekends)...stuff like that. I am addicted and I hate that part of it. But my life and friends are such that I cannot imagine going 100% AF/ sober...I have managed before, I can do it again.

Looking forward to sharing & hearing the stories...XO

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Midnight, in my other post I asked about you. Is this another time around for you or what? Got the impression you are starting again??

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone, Hi houtx, please stay, we like to talk, TOPA, or not, these people helped save my life, even with the Topa, if I didn't have my friends here I think I would just drift into the netherland and who knows what would become of me. Anyway, I'm not trying to get you back on Topa, I'm just curious as to how long your "Topa Dopa" lasted, I found that after the first few days of extreme brain fog and dense staring at people and fear and confusion I suddenly felt perfectly normal and have not felt any of the symptoms since those first few days.

So, I have alot to post and update about, I have some terrible terrible news and I am leaving in the morning at 9am for spain where my daughter and her family live. She is almost at full term and has suddenly had something catastrophic happen with the pregnancy and we expect the worst, my heart is breaking. I have only weeks supply of topa on hand and that is a long story, so I will be tapering off it in the next few days. And I guess that is not really the issue at this time, my responsibility is to AF for my daughter so that I can be strong for her. I hope that I will not have any physical issues in coming off the Topa but I am sure it will be ok. Sun, I am remembering when you had the crises with your daughter's friend and what a blessing it was that you were able to deal with it without being under the influence of alcohol and I am thanking god that I will also be able to do this even though it will be one of the most stressful times of my life.

I will be in touch as soon as I get settled down and have a few moments to myself and in the meantime please, everyone take care, I will be thinking of all of you, and as always, thanking you all for being here, and realizing how fortunate we are to have each other.

hugs and talk soon,
play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Play - we will be thinking of you and sending healing thoughts and prayers your way - please keep us informed of what is happening - hang in there and know we are here for you. Have a safe journey.

Houtx - I never log off on here - but then I am the only one who uses my computer. In fact the other day I panicked and had to think about my password as if I did get logged off how would I get back into MY account? I had to go AF - I could not kick the daily habit. If I could have had some AF days in there, I would have been okay - but it seems with me it is all or nothing. i will not drink again. Now I am stopped, I know from my last quit, that if I do, I will just end up in the same place again. I am good with being AF. But I understand your reasons for wanting to be a 'normal' drinker. Ahh, that I could be such a person!!

off to get ready for work.....

Hugs, Sun XX

[Midnight]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all. Will try to post as much as I can on the computer while the boys are entertained by "Max and Ruby" (what a dumb show) Houtx - yes, this is my second round on Topa. The first time I used it, it was a miracle. I was able to be a normal drinker, which is absolutely a dream. I could go days without drinking or obsessing about it, truly like "normal" people (I guess???). Then I got pregnant and had to stop the Topa. Second time around, I had a new doctor who wouldn't prescribe the higher dose, so I spent a lot of time on the 100mg, which isn't high enough for me. Also, went from regular to generic brand and I don't know if that is different. But the 100mg did nothing. So I finally confessed to the Dr. that I needed higher dose for alcohol, as well as the migraines, but to PLEASE keep off medical record. She has upped me to 250mg, but the effect has not been the same. I keep taking it anyway, because I do feel it limits how much I drink and keeps the cravings from coming earlier. But still not the same. What a dang battle this is. I said in an earlier post, but I read 7 weeks to sobriety after the holidays, and it was similar to MWO, but really filled in the scientific detail - addiction is very biochemical!!! I felt like I was really reading about my life and my brain/body. I come home, have a beer, and I have to keep drinking. Never to drunk, but it is just the way it is every single night and no one in my life (but you guys!) seem to understand why I can't stop at 2 drinks. The biochemistry really hit home with me, thus me taking the supps again. It seems I might not have the right biochemical makeup.

Max and Ruby is no longer appealing to the two year old, so I have to go for now. Play - I'm SO sorry - that is devasting news, and I hope it isn't true. My heart goes out to you and your family.

midnight

[shushu]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So can relate!

Hello - I joined this site, read the book and bought everything in 2008 and did nothing! Now, I just finished 3 weeks rehab on Tuesday, started 25 mg topamax and the cravings are really down. I haven't seen anyone mention the CDs on here yet - I lost mine moving and have ordered more. So my questions...my favourite tea tastes like soap and my fizzy water tastes sweet so what can I drink? My wine tastes less good too which is good and I think I'd be able to cut it out if it weren't for the 'boredom' factor. I have a really mentally demanding job so am afraid to go back and have dopy topa-brain. Have you found anything that helps with that? I have a week until I go back so I need to get my routine down. Can I go up to 50 mg this weekend? Thanks for being there. I am serious this time and appreciate your being there. S:thanks:

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi y'all - SOOOOOO Good to hear from you and be here!!

Play, I read so many of your posts, I feel like I know you. Am so happy for your successes! Read your ups and downs through the holidays and now this crisis with daughter's pregnancy...will keep my fingers crossed everything will be ok. No idea when you will be able to check in, but here we are, thinking and praying and being here for you, her, and your family! I so hope everything will be ok!

Sun, you are sooooooooo strong & I so admire your resolve!! Hope you will continue to be the driving force of this thread. It seems to be huge sometimes and then drops off...but obviously fills a need. You know the mantra in the education system is "No child left behind"...maybe that translates over to us as well. "No problem drinker left behind" or some such!! Haha!! Anyway, thanks for the pm & help there!

Midnight, I totally remember you as well - but was spending too much time scrolling back trying to remember some of the details of your story, so thatnks for refreshing me! Yeah, this addiction is a bitch!!

I just started the Allen Carr book but it's sortof aggravating to keep reading his "keep reading and you'll find the instructions to the Easyway"....ugh - c'mon what are they??! I'm taking it page by page on my Kindle...it's a hassle to scroll ahead, but I like his debunking the whole AA philosophy that we have a disease. I got hooked on his thoughts that maybe an alcoholic/problem drinker is someone who has lost control of their drinking...I think that's true 90% of the time with me.

If it's a work night, I'll drink until I have to go to bed. I can control that at least...but I'm mostly not in very good shape!! I mean, after what is probably a bottle & 1/2 of wine?! Weekends, I just keep going til I "fall asleep" in my big comfy chair or drag myself to bed. I think the book makes a lot of sense about the way we problem drinkers drink/think/ and live our lives. AA leads us to believe we are suffering from an incurable disease, which I've always thought was bullshit...I just sortof got hooked on that word "control". When I was following the Sinclair Method (TSM), one of the "musts" of the program was tracking your drinks. Writing them down. That was a really good tool. As I started this book, I'm thinking that's a rule he's going to introduce and I'm into it. Anyway, I'm thinking I want to try a holistic approach to controlling my drinking.

Now that I've written all this I've realized I'm in the "Quick reply" mode and not "Post reply"...let's see what happens! Holding breath ~

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Shu and welcome - yes, you probably can go up to 50 mg this weekend but I recommend going by the book - each week go up as long as you are feeling good on the dose you are on - if you started Tuesday, I would probably wait until Tuesday to go up. Just my opinion! It doesn't help to rush it at all. And I started at a higher dose one time and ended up actually going all the way back down to the 25mg and starting ALL OVER AGAIN 'cos I took it all too fast. so it really is better to take it slowly - I think anyway. re the Topa Dopa - I didn't have much of a problem with it - some do, some don't. I attributed any trouble I had to my age - LOL. In the book at the back, I think there are suggestions for it though - but haven't got the book to hand right now - if you don't have it, let me know and I will look for you. Re your fizzy water tasting sweet - is it in a can? the Topa does make things in aluminium cans taste different - if it is in a bottle, I have no idea. you will just have to experiment until you find something you like. I like iced water personally so am good to go with that. Try water with lemon juice in it maybe? Great to have you here with us .... keep posting! As for the boredom - you need a PLAN !!!

Hi Houtx - with the Carr book, I too kept waiting for the MAGIC words. There are no magic words - you just have to keep reading - don't scroll ahead - just keep reading!! It might not resonate with you the way it did with me. By the time I got to the end, the whole thing altogether really made sense to me - I had outlined, highlighted, underlined and marked all sorts of stuff - and do go back and re-read those highlighted bits! It just changes your mindset! I am now a non-drinker. I am free (Gosh I sound like a commercial!!). I am really not strong - just feel this time I have turned a corner and am not going back again. Yes, I will still be here - as long as someone else is here - LOL. This thread does tend to wax and wane a lot but it still manages to stay afloat!

Play - hope your flight goes well - and that things are not too bad when you arrive. I am thinking of you :l Stay strong.

Hugs, sun X

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thx Sun for your comments...it will take me awhile to finish the book. One of the first "promises" he asked for was to read it sober. No problem...so I'm going to read the book , and continue to compile a list of supplements...

No word from "Playland" and her daughter in Spain...hope alls well!

XO

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All, just want to say a quick hello to let you know that I arrived safe and sound and have pretty much caught up on sleep, the jet lag doesn't get to me too badly. So, we are basically waiting on the results of the "in-depth" genetic or chromosomal tests on the baby. These are being done due to some things seen on the ultrasound that seem to have the doctors pretty much telling us to expect bad news, we should know I guess in about a week, it's very difficult, the waiting, for my daughter the most of course. Our family is close knit so that is a big help and my son-in-laws family is great also, so we can just hope for the best.

Thank you all for you sweet concern for me and my family, you have become such friends to me, I do feel like I know you, just like Houtx mentioned in her post above. I'm sure this is one of the supportive and caring threads on the whole forum. And, Houtx, I'm so glad you are here, I feel close to you already. Sometimes I have a little daydream of all of us meeting up somewhere and getting to know each other in person over a cup of tea or the "one glass of wine" or whatever, I really can imagine it, you never know.

Anyway, tired and will close for now, love and hugs,
play

[shushu]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Glad I found you guys!

Hi Again! It is wonderful having such supportive people here and how we can be honest. While my drinking is down alot, I still am drinking some wine as I do like it (or is that just a rationalisation) and I still don't have the activities in place to replace the drinking as I found out this weekend. I find the non-alcoholic beer helps when I get bored with tea and water -but I'm afraid that will lead back to the real thing. Everyone who loves me assumes I am not drinking at all anymore (since I got out of rehab last week) and I don't want to let them down, but don't want to lie anymore either. What I realised this weekend is that all that time I spent drinking I didn't occupy my time with other things so I am afraid of falling back into the trap (yes, I also found Alan Carr's book annoying as it wouldn't get to the point and didn't finish it). But that reminded me to read MWO again and here I am! I did lots of sorting stuff, Wii, watching TV and last night, when I wanted to drink I went to bed. But that's not a long-term plan.

I so hope Playland got better news than expected and even if it is worse, that it doesn't send her into the arms of AL. Have a great week! S

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Shushu - I have such a HUGE amount of support pouring your way. I cannot imagine where you're coming from. I think people mistakingly think going to rehab is the be'all and end'all, and it's obviously not. I really like this Allen Carr book for the debunking he does of AA's philosophies, that being alcoholic is something you are genetically programmed for...NOT! Just so much common sense.

But dang!! I'm like, CUT TO THE CHASE, DUDE!!! lol But that doesn't sell books, I suppose! Lots of good reinforcement so far, that we are not bad people for being "out of control" or "regular" drinkers. There's no real definition of an alcoholic. AA makes us sound diseased, which I've always argued with!

Anyway, interesting stuff...

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo everyone! I have just got in from work - it is 11.00 but I wanted to post before there was a lot to reply to!

Houtx and shu - I agree that Carr doesn't get to the point - BUT the whole book is changing your mindset - it changed mine enough to tip me over the edge re my thinking about my drinking. I am now a non drinker. Not someone who is struggling to not drink - but a non drinker. I am never going to drink again. I have actually read his book three times as it really does work for me. I sound like a record - sorry!!

Shu - I have never been to rehab and have always wondered what it must be like when you are out on your own and how scary it must be to just be left to your own devices again...... last time I quit, I too went to bed when I wanted a drink. This time, I just don't want a drink - I really don't! Have you been taking the L-Glut? It does help when one wants a drink - it did for me initially anyway. I haven't taken any for a while now - I forget it, but if I start to think about AL I will take the L-Glut in a heart beat. Other things to do - do you read? Lots of good stuff out there.... and like you said, coming to MWO is always good.

Play - good to hear from you - glad you arrived safely. the waiting is so hard but we are all rooting for you and the baby. And your daughter of course. Yes, it would be lovely for all of us to meet up some day - I have met some of the people on here and have loved meeting them. they were as nice as I had hoped they would be! And one thing that I found really nice is there is none of the first impression stuff 'cos we have all just met through here first! Back to your family - it is good that you are all close knit and can be there for each other. Please just pop in now and then and keep us in touch won't you? Glad that the wine is going okay too.....

I need to get me to bed. I have a day off tomorrow which I am really looking forward to - lots to do - my passport has expired and I need to re-up that, my friend is bringing her dog over to meet my two as I might be watching her dog for a weekend in March and we need to see how they all get on, then my daughters are coming over late afternoon for my birthday (it isn't til Wednesday but Hubs is working then and is off tomorrow so they are coming over tomorrow), and I need to move my motorcycle up to my neighbours garage before winter really hits us here. i have been lucky so far but would like to get it in his garage for the rest of the winter. so I have a full day tomorrow !!

Hugs, Sun X

[shushu]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks Sun and Houtx - I am taking alot of supplements but missed L-Glut. where do I get that? It is hard to face that I may have to face being a total non-drinker as I thought MWO gave me a way back to being a social drinker. Your talking about having a full day tomorrow struck me as I had a full day today and accomplished alot but then started drinking bit by bit...and I feel it coming back...that demon that stole those days away from me. I am upping to 50 mg topa tomorrow so I hope that helps - I was doing so well. And I will again. You all have a great day! S

[shushu]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

And Houtx - Just want to add - I really have to support what you say about AA. It may work for some and it may strike a chord in those that it does, but for me going to a meeting and saying day in and day out that you are an alcoholic and diseased and cannot be cured and always talking about alcohol can only reinforce cravings that you have to then force down every day. I want to just get on with life and focus on being healthy, so am working on the cravings and the healthy living - hoping that the healthy living will surpass the cravings in the not too distant future!