New here and starting Topa and with a question

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi 2Run

Good luck for tonight - I'm really glad you saw an improvement. A lot of this is really in our heads. You know what I mean - that constant struggle of the drink vs our will power and when we feel our will power is up, we have a bit more of an edge.

I was good and only had two glasses- it only made me feel sleepy and a bit queasy so I wasnt too impressed with my treat... I've been able to do that during most week nights while on Topa, mostly because I only buy a 500ml bottle - OK, so its 2 big glasses. I have that after work and take the Topa at the same time by the time the wine is finished the Topa has kicked in and taken away most of the cravings and also made me so tired that I'm too lazy to drive to the store... Well its not a perfect solution but its helping me a lot with work during the day i.e. wake up earlier, less hung over, more focused.

I also noticed cold symptoms up to now, mostly coughing for some bizarre reason. And I know exactly what you mean about food. One minute I'm absolutely starving and then as soon as I eat half of what's on my plate, I lose interest. Or I'll have lovely stuffed chicken breast in the fridge but the sight of it will make me gag and I will crave something I never eat like 2 minute noodles. I can't be pregnant (!) so it must be dehydration and vitamins - even though I am taking lots of supps and water.

Have a lovely evening,
DB XOX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - Once again, this site fucks me over. I post a reply and hit "post Quick Reply" and it tells me "you are not signed in"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes me crazy!! Yes, I was - how'd I get on here if not??!! UGH -

Will try again briefly...Sun, don't beat yourself up. You have single-handedly held together this thread and so you had a couple of drinks. You know what to do that is right for you. Once day at a time, gf!

So glad to see so many postings here - that's the way is was a couple of years ago, so hope we can continue to get support from each other. WTE - gf, SOOOOO glad to see you here. I'm not on anything at the moment, but like you, drinking as much if not more than "before". 2Run, good to see you hanging in too - ugh, so hard to handle all this with kids & husbands. I can't imagine. My 2 college-aged kids were home this week for spring break and it was all I could do to act normal!! LOL

Anyway - I'm scared to try TOPA again b/c I'm having enough problems just with the brain damage I'm inflicting everyday!! I'm mispronouncing words and having trouble verbally completing a thought. I know it's AL...I worry about my future...and the list goes on. Need to get to bed now. Look forward to hearing from everyone. This is the best therapy!!

XO

[blondie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi & welcome to lots of new topa guinea pigs

2Run ? this is my second time on Topa ? first was over 6 years ago ? with great success and no side effects, so am really knocked for six this time! And I hear you on the exhaustion and the food issues ? this past week I have been eating non-stop and eating sugary, carby foods, which doesn?t help.

WTE ? welcome back ? we?ve been here same amount of time. A few weeks ago I was exactly where you are but am now coming up to 5 weeks af with only a couple of thoughts of drinking (though Sunday afternoon was horrendous, really wanting to drink and just get ?out of it? for an afternoon. Thankfully, I didn?t, but it really got to me and had me questioning if this really is the way of life I want!!)

Hope10 ? I had the easy weight loss too (not sure if it was just too exhausted to eat!) but, as I said above, am eating with gusto now! I mentioned the eye probs to my doc but he was more concerned with other issues.
Hotoux ? I have same problems with posting on here; very frustrating!

Hi Play ? The complete disinterest in alcohol is quite amazing, but quite deceptive as I found out when I stopped the Topa! I now take 25mg (during the day ? no set time) every other day. I just can?t stand the exhaustion and would rather take a risk with cravings than be like a zombie. I even considered whether I am actually better off not drinking due to this side effect and a couple of other silly thoughts, but, as long as I continue to count the days, it helps me overcome any doubts!

Hi Sunshine ? hope you?re enjoying your hols!

Hi DizzyBee and Meggie.

I found in the past I wandered away from this site when I wasn?t drinking as the focus on al kept it too tantalisingly at the forefront of my mind, but this time I have found it is helping to come back and (at least weekly) read posts, particularly to remind me of the anxiety, helplessness and despair that going back to drinking would cause.

Oh and another positive ? my partner?s alcohol consumption has dropped. :goodjob:

Look forward to hearing how everyone goes with their topa
TTFN

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks Blondie. I'll stick around for a while. I do plan to go AF in May to help me lose weight but I'm not sure it's something I plan for life just yet. I'll be quite happy if I can stuck to my current plan of 2 drinks on school nights and cutting down on weekends.

Glad to hear about your partner - my boyfriend drinks a lot and I'm worried that I may have to choose between him and moderating/abstinence one day. We're 6000 miles apart so I guess I'll have to make that decision once I move to the UK.

2Run - How did it go last night?

Houtx - It is weird that Topa has the same side effects as AL hey? I mean it has managed to do quite a bit of damage to my short term memory in the last 5 years. I personally prefer the Topa Dopa to AL brain fog as it doesn't come with all the associated guilt but this is a decision only you can make. I'll be thinking of you (and I know what you mean about 'acting normal' around family, it can be highly stressful!)

Love and light to everyone,
DB

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All!

Advice to you that type and lose your posts: type in Word and cut and paste it in. That way if you get a phone call or other interruption in between you won?t have to start over! 

So on Day 4 I TOTALLY blew it at the casino. *sigh* I had my little paper and pen all handy to mark off drinks and keep track. Brought my Topa with me for my evening dose. Elvis feast and roulette and I played 2 major rounds and won $4500 ?. That was that and I was up for celebrating! HA! I have no idea how many drinks I had. Not fall down drunk or anywhere near, but up until the wee hours and sipping along. ACK. AND forgot to take my Topa on top of it! Got up in the morning (we spent the night at the resort) and headed straight to the bar for a bloody marys ? great start.

Drove home a few hours later and got a very dreaded email. Romance crap again. (Houtx! Yes ? The past comes back!) A guy I have a 20 + year relationship with as friends and lovers has recently asked that we be a ?couple? again. I have been hesitant as he walked out of my life about 3 years ago for almost 2 years, with pretty much not much explanation. But over this past year we have we have spent quite a bit of time together although we live 6 hours apart. That?s just part of the problem ? the other part I suspect is my fear that he would dash again ? something he has NEVER done before. Well, seems my hesitation ran its course and he has ?met someone?. Hence, his email to tell me. Straight to the wine bottle. So for the second day in a row I over drank and AGAIN forgot my Topa. Dammit!

Yesterday I was a bit better. Back to my ?normal? which is not great but not too over the top and did my 50 mg at 7 PM. Feel pretty good this AM. I may have to stay at just 50 for a bit longer since I messed up my first week so badly.

Weird to read about the sinus stuff! I have always had allergies and sinus issues and just figured that the wine was making it worse. Let?s face it ? wine is FULL of histamines! I?ll now pay more attention if the Topa is affecting it any different!

DizzyBee: Tough to be with someone that over drinks when you are trying to control! Been there / done that! Funny how we surround ourselves with others that drink like we do ? huh?

Blondie: Yep ? We have been here a LOOONNGG time! HA! I am hoping to get back to that I once had long ago in a few more weeks. Tomorrow will only be Week One for me back with the program (half assed). Interesting that just 25 mg every other day holds you in place for the most part. ENCOURAGING!

Houtx: Have missed you on this board, but I just gave up for so long. Back and determined! I felt that magic once and want it back SO badly! Maybe we both just needed a break from it all for a bit? I decided I just couldn?t try TSM again as I don?t think it works for the type of drinker I am. Always fun to see you on FB!

Off to try and get some work done ?.

Hugs to all in the journey

WTE

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm so sorry WTE. I have once heard that its more difficult for us problem drinkers to deal with truly happy feelings as after drinking for so long we become used to being quite miserable for some time. But then the blow afterwards, I'll be thinking of you and I hope you carry on fighting.

As with regards to boyfriend. We got back together right after rehab but it wasn't planned i.e. we just ran into each other after five years and that was it. It's a long distance relationship and I'm supposed to go over in a 2/3 months. While it was very comforting to have him with the confusion of addiction running riot, I think Topa might throw us a curve ball. He was supposed to come online tonight so we could skype about our planned holiday in Germany but he didn't show and although he said this morning that he didn't because he was too depressed about something that happened but I think it was because he was getting pissed in the pub as per usual.

We havent spoken this weekend as he was in France and there are lots to sort out. That and I did send him a long email explaining that I'm turning my life around with the Topa and if I find that he is a bad influence on me, I will not stay in the UK, that I cannot in good faith marry and have children with someone who will drag me back towards everyday drinking. We shall see... He may be telling the truth and he may just be a drinker instead of an alkie (we both were last time we dated but that was five years ago and my drinking definitely escalated), I guess only living together will tell the truth but I don't even feel like talking to him today. :durn:

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, and today is Human Rights day here so I'm really craving a braai (BBQ) and some beer but the weird thing is even though I've only been on Topa for 2 weeks I don't enjoy drinking anymore. I know thats probably the point but I hope I'm adult enough to deal with it. I still get the bloody urge to drink at all the usual points though but I don't enjoy it.

I think I'm going to make a video recording of myself after a drink or two expressing how I feel. I know the last two days I just felt sleepy and queasy, no high. So perhaps make a few videos and then watch it when I get the urge?

I'm thinking of maybe going AF next week for a while as I really want to lose weight and I can't see the point in keeping on drinking when its less fun than drinking cold syrup... Now if my subconscious will only catch on

XOX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all -
Sorry for the F-bomb...does it really matter? Sometimes I just drop one when I'm really frustrated. To "type in Word and cut & paste"...I'm like HUH?? lol But this site often gives me the "You are not signed in" nonsense and then drops the post. GGRGHHHHHHHHHH

So good to hear from so many - always love the relationship stories! lol Even though now they are quite sad & frustrating it seems! Dizzy - gee, where do you live & thus how far away is this move you're thinking about? From the outside, it looks like a little caution may be in order, but who knows. Sounds like you're doing so well getting your drinking under control and not even wanting to...your bf giving you some vague excuses as to why he wasn't there...ehhhhhh...hold off, gf.

WTE - I'm trying hard to think of who you're referring to! The musician love or RSF guy?! Or that hot looking guy in some of your FB pics with Charlie?! Someone I can't remember?! But whoever - it totally sucks!!!!! And I am so sorry for your pain!! GEEZ!!!! Ugh - so much on this topic of over 50 women and our love lives! I have dated a few guys and NO ONE has seen me drink to excess or anything...yet cannot seem to meet a good one. Then I lost all contact info on my new iPhone, sent out an email to that extent to all my contacts via email. Got back a response from the man I loved 6 yrs ago & broke my heart/"HB" ...We'd had periodic contact the last couple of years, met a couple of times, nothing major, I thought I was totally over him. Of course, thoughts of him drifted back with certain songs, scents, and things he'd given me...so he wrote me back that he's "gotten serious with a woman and may be moving in together soon..."

Oh. My. God. Thankfully it was at the end of the school day. It hit me like the bullet I thought I was waaaaaaaaaaay past dodging!! So I sort-of know how you must've felt. Not really, but sort-of. I didn't collapse or feel huge pain, but it hurt. I shed a few tears. And I still can't quite get my head around it. But I haven't had anything since then that really turned me around, so maybe that's why thoughts of him are so acute. But if we were totally sober like the AA peeps...how do we deal?! LOL Hit the gym? Ice cream? What?! It is sooooooooooooooo unfair God made food and alcohol in excess a no-no. Life is too hard - we need something to offset the shit of life or celebrate the goodness, which is what I like to think I'm doing mostly!! LOL

Anyway - cheers. I need to try TOPA again...thru River Pharm?? Thoughts?

XO

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

On Topa again. Very happy and on control.
I don t know why I boycott myself.
I m still here. I m always here. Sorry
Thank you all of you.
:bump:

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Airam - Nice seeing you here and thanks for starting this thread. Great to here that you're back on the Topa and doing well. :thumbs:

I'm doing well in general just screwed up royally last night. I got drunk for the first time in two weeks. Granted I 'only' had a bottle of wine but my clever brain made sure that I didnt eat anything after breakfast, so I was trashed.

I had a really shit day, my internet was cut off, I have raging PMS, my cell phone reception was off the whole day, my dad was hospitalised for stomach problems and no one could reach me until 3 (thats when I decided to get drunk) Anyway, like I said I did make a mini video of me drunk as I was actually crying in the end as I also decided to pick a fight with bf. :durn:

This is what I probably look like when I get drunk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R70xwa51AUI[/video]]South Park Towelie walking on sunshine - YouTube

A great weekend to everyone.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all ….

Houtx, doubt if anyone care about your F Bomb, but I SWEAR after 2 years SOMEDAY I am going to teach how to damn cut and paste! Sheezz HA!

And Houtx, yes, it is the hot guy in the pictures with Charlie of recent on FB. *sigh* We’ve spoken once since, I am trying my best to stay out of the picture if this new thing will work for him. He objects and has called but I am ignoring the calls. It’s just too damn obvious when we are around each other that there is “something ther” and has been for years … it’s just too complicated ….

So back to the Topa. Geez I am a sleeping ZOMBIE! Yesterday I got up at 6 AM (late for me and worked until about 9 AM … walked by the sofa and it became Velcro. Slept until about 1030 AM and got up trying to get things done and decided to shower and dress and on my way the bed became Velcro! Down again until about 12:30 PM!

I finally got a few things done for a bit a took the pup for a short walk. Never did make it into the shower but I did get a touch of gardening started (which is total mess now that I need to finish HA!) By 430 PM I as back on the sofa and slept until about 7 PM! Fed the dog and went to bed to watch TV. Any wonder I could not fall asleep? Visions and memories of “the guy” in my head and I had already slept so much. But took my 50 mg and finally did sleep again.

Today about the same. No decrease in cravings too much yet. Ate better. OMG – Realized I drank 1 Ensure Plus yesterday and a cup of coffee is all! Afraid to get on the scale. I have NO appetite at all and will have to force myself to food tonight, although I managed a half sandwich this afternoon. UGH.

Airam! Great to see you! You sound good. Please stick around and give us all hope ….. again.

Dizzy: Just gonna be day like that … Hang in there Chica. 

Off for a short with the pup before the yotes come out!

WTE

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all,
It's been a long time since I have been on mywayout. Glad to see you are all still here. I have been on 50mg of topa but am going to increase it to 75mg and see if that won't help.
There are times when I have great control but times when the drinking is completely out of control. Ugh
:durn:

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

The big C

Thanks WTE. Sorry you're so tired. My exhaustion did get better after 2 weeks.I take mine at 5pm, then I'm just tired in the evening but I know everyone's different. Also, maybe your body needs to rest?

My dad has cancer an they are cutting out a piece of his colon as we speak. His dad died of colon cancer.

I did really well on the Topa for 2 weeks but now I'm drinking over it. I think I'm going to do Topa and Antabuse for a month, Topa does take away the cravings and Antabuse will ensure that I don't just drink anyway because I'm so used to and because I can't rembember what it is normal people do when they get really sad/happy/bored/tired.

Hugs to everyone.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dizzy Bee – So sorry to hear about your Dad! Hope all goes well. Much has changed rapidly in the medical world so I’m sure his odds of beating this thing are much better than his Dad’s were.

Yes, I am hoping the tiredness leaves soon! I think it was at about 2-3 weeks last time for me as well. Today is only Day 11 for me. And I have been going through TONS of work stress and then now this sad “guy stuff”. I tend to sleep (and drink) more when depressed. Hoping I manage to make today more productive and will try taking my Topa a bit earlier as well.

I hope the Topa / Antabuse combo works for you. My brain won’t let me go there, but I DO remember the high I felt a few years ago when Topa “kicked in” and I really cut back and was having AF days. Amazing what you can get done when you are not drinking!

Mimi! Hello! Was a long time for me too, but decided to try yet again. How long have you been back on Topa? I have the tired thing happening as well but think I remembering it fading pretty quickly.

Houtx – So are you going to jump back into the water?

So the one other thing I did yesterday was buy some really crappy box wine. HA! OMG it taste awful. HA! And I poured the last of everything else in the house down the sink. The image of this nice chilled glass of wine almost makes me gag when I think about it right now because I know what it tastes like … or is it the Topa starting to work?

Last time I had “success” on week one I drank 60 units. (Don’t fall off your chair – I am an all-day/evening sipper and it’s pretty easy to kill off 2 bottles of nice wine a day with a few extra “somethings” if I am out) I was taking 50 mg in the evening. This time week One: 59 units – so about at the same place.

It was Day 11 (which would be today) that I over did it a bit and think I might have also been coming down with somthing. On Day 12 I felt like hell! – and I am not one to get hangovers. I had ONE glass of wine all day.

Day 13 I had 2 glasses. And Day 13 I went up to 25/50 and on the 13th and 14th days was AF! Day 15: ? glass and it was awful and then a couple more AF days. Day 17 I increased to 50/50 (which is the highest I ever went) and continued to have AF days and some 1 glass days and a few 2 glass days. I was SO PLEASED WITH MYSELF!

I hope this repeats, although I feel like I am a few days behind after blowing it at the casino and forgetting to take my Topa for 2 days. Shezzz. I’m not going to increase until I can feel a bit less tiredness and get some strong routine going on eating. It’s SO hard for me right now! Tough when you live alone and you don’t HAVE to cook, or eat and no one is watching how much you drink ….

I’m well stocked with food and bought a case of Ensure Plus – it’s a start ….

Here’s to a Happy Saturday everyone!

WTE

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,

Dizzy Bee- sorry to hear about your dad. Times like this and our brains tell us we have a right to drink. A a at least mine does. I get tired of my brain playing games with me. ugh

WTE- I have been on a low dose (25mg) of Topa for awhile but it hasn't helped so I have slowly worked up to 75mg.

I have to admit, I like to escape from reality in the evenings. I don't know why since I have a good life. I don't know if its boredom, loneliness or if I just like the feeling of being tipsy. Even talking about it now makes it harder for me to not go get something to drink.