New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hmmm - ok, but doubt it lasts. I'll type fast!

Wildflowers - love your posts and so hoping you get to the dose that works for you!
Sunny - you can do whatever you set your mind to! You seem to be the real epitome of that on here!
Dizzy - don't beat yourself up! You're going thru some shit and it will hopefully be ok - I love your posts!

WTE - we have the unfair advantage of knowing each other personally/practically...So similar lives & habits. Good & bad!! What is to become of us?! I have not been in any kind of relationship in 3+ years. I think about it a lot...am I destined to be an old lady alone?? UGH - too much to talk about tonight. I promised myself I'd go to bed earlier...

Hang in, all!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone! I feel as if I am slowly but surely getting my head together re the time! I can't believe how long it has taken me to get back to USA time. Age is creeping up on me I think - it never used to take me this long to get over jet lag!! Going wasn't a problem at all - but I treated myself and upgraded on the plane and slept all the way there!! Plus it was over night so didn't gain 6 hours! I think........ LOL whatever - I am feeling lots better this evening.

I had to smile at your comment Houtx about me being the epitome of doing whatever I set my mind to doing - yes, you are right - and I do - for a while!!! I always have the best of intentions! I bought a bottle of wine yesterday but when I got home made myself take some L-Glut before I opened the wine and had less than half a glass - just did NOT want any more of it. I think between the Topa and the L-Glut, my body definitely was saying NO! I am only on 100mg but am going to go back up to 150mg today. I am a fool to myself really. Why did I even buy it? Stupid stupid stupid! I also had to smile - sort of an ironic smile really - about you saying about being an old lady alone. Hubs and I were talking the other week and I said that if ever anything happened to him, I would NEVER get into another relationship. I love him dearly but the thought of going through all that stuff again - I could not - we have been together for 30 years now, so once he goes (assuming he goes before me), I WILL be on my own - an old lady alone with my dogs!!! And you, and wildflowers and I are all around the same age - I turned 58 this past February. Who was it on here that was involved with someone and split from her hubs? I was trying to remember - do you remember Houtx? What is your drinking like these days? if you have posted recently, I am sorry - I have either forgotten or you haven't - are you going to try the Topa again? Is it you that gets headaches from the L-Glut - gosh, my memory is the pits and I apologize. Reading back - just saw it is Dizzy that gets headaches.

WTE - Glad that you feel as if the topa might be beginning to kick in - I wish it would for me at such a low dose....... I also understand the weight issue. When I was home last week, my aunt told someone I don't eat - I thought I was eating way more than I do at home here and said so to her - she said that I am so skinny I need to eat more - but I suppose the topa affects me just that little bit. I have always been slim anyway and the Topa just makes me have to eat that bit more to keep my weight up. I look healthy though - don't look gaunt at all. My clothes fit which is the main thing. I didn't think you had been AF for long - just a couple of days - LOL !! I too, am amazed that you could drink at work but when you explain it, I understand how you could. Cannot remember if you have ever told us what you do - what do you do? if you don't mind me asking - if you don't want to put it out for God and everybody, you can always PM me. Okay - yes, I did have success with Topa - but I have to reach a high dosage - 300mg. The thing is when I reach that dose, I also get depressed at that level - if I get to 250mg and can stop the AL, I don't get the depression so am hoping with the L-Glut that I can do it at a lower dosage. However, I did get to it, stopped AL and stayed off AL and on Topa for 8 months. Finally came off Topa and started drinking again thinking I could have the odd one or two - yeah right. But the depression went. There is a very fine line for me with Topa and the high dosage and stopping drinking and depression.

Wildflowers - like I was just saying, you are so lucky that your maintenance dose is so low!! I would give my right arm (well, maybe not) to have it kick in at such a low dose! Your doc sounds like a pain - I had a wonderful doc when I first started on Topa - his mum had been an alcoholic and he was just awesome, then he left and my new one isn't quite so wonderful! But I am trying to train him - LOL. I am sorry to hear about your chest pain - so scary for you. glad that all the tests so far have come back clear though - I had to have an endo about 6 months ago - and it is a doddle. Really - no biggie. you are in that twilight thing where you don't know what is going on. I hope they manage to find out what is happening with you. I smoke too but keep saying I am going to quit. When I gave up AL for the 8 months I also gave up smoking too at the same time then started again when I started drinking. Silly me. But I also stopped for 26 years then started again too. Please keep us updated won't you?

Dizzy - how are you doing? How about your dad? Have you had any news yet re the cancer? What is the next move? Is the Topa still working? Although if you are on the antabuse then you can't drink anyway can you? Have you taken it before? Post and keep us updated please - okay? Hugs to you and prayers for your dad :l

I was wondering if any of you would be open to us swapping pictures on e-mails? I would love to put faces to your names...... Some of you older ones (not age - just you older ones) who have been here a while, we have known each other for so long..... and Dizzy and Wildflowers - you are new here but I would love to be able to picture you when I post. I quite understand if you don't want to do it. After all - this site is anonymous for a reason. Just PM me one way or the other okay.

anyway, got to go and feed the dogs, and probably feed me too, so take care all,

Hugs, sun XX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Strike III

Hi everyone
Just a quick message to say 3rd AF done. Despite all the accidents and yuckiness I havent been this positive and happy in years. Its 12:30 and I've just finished working! Not that its what I want to do every night but I don't think I've EVER worked past 8 at night Thanks for all the positive vibes, I'll write a nice long message in the morning when I'm awake again.
Goodnight my special friends, I'm so glad I found you to share this part of my life with you. XOX
:illbeback:

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Great posts!

Congratulations Dizzy - awesomeness!! Hope all continues to go well!

Sunny - I know you'll be fine! You bought the wine, but you didn't drink it! Of course, now it's there but hopefully not calling to you relentlessly! LOL I think you have your mind set going on. You have a good hubby and all of my friends who have been married a long time say the same thing about the "2nd time around" thoughts...that they wouldn't do it again! I understand, but I just want that last relationship that will take me into my golden years. I want to feel those feelings again. The excitement, thrill, motivation to be on top of my game, someone to flirt with and be funny...everything. I don't understand why it's eluding me. I have never had alcohol be an issue in any of my short-term relationships in the last few years. I just haven't clicked with any of them. They liked me too much or vice versa and it's just the weirdest thing to me. Anyway - enjoy your man & appreciate what you've got.

WTE - hang in there. We will always have each other, right?! LOL Yes, interesting to hear how you juggle it all. And we still have it 'gwan on!! LOL I like to bask in the sunlight of Fantasyland beach :-))

Later -

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

yadrunkbstard;1288375 wrote: jst get drunk. all woories go awau

As well as all tact and spelling abilities apparently. What a sad little man or woman you are. Especially what you said on that thread about the world being a better place without the lady who committed suicide. Please go pick a barfight somewhere else, you're not welcome here.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Here follows my novel contribution... I'm a writer, I can't help it.

Topa - The Topa reduced my cravings from the first day and took it away at 50mg, it also took away the pleasure of drinking. Now I get the occasional twinge but I just notice it and it usually goes away within ten minutes or so. None of that extreme uncomfortableness. I?m going to stick with this and go up if I feel cravings coming up, this way I have big wiggle room should my body become used to the dosage. As for the L-glut, it really made me sick with bad headaches, it is one of its SE?s but it doesn?t affect everyone.

Antabuse ? I?ve used it twice before for a month. Without Topa the first week is hell as you want to climb out of your skin once the cravings hit. After that the cravings get weaker and you feel much nicer. I would actually recommend Antabuse to anyone who is so tired of that mental boxing match of should I/shouldn?t I. If anyone want to ask questions or discuss AB, fire away. The AB is to stop the habit of still drinking even though it is no longer necessary or fun. (and yes there is a big addict inside of me kicking and screaming because its no longer fun.)

Which brings me to a question. When is the last time any of you had FUN drinking? After the Topa I got drunk one night and that was kind of fun but the rest of the time the wine just made me feel like I took some flu medication. As for before that, I was in this constant state of, how much wine is in the house, should I buy more, how much have I had to drink, how much should I drink or not drink to keep feeling Nice or to get to the point of feeling Nice or to make sure that I don?t get drunk and make a fool of myself. Frankly, being an alkie is exhausting. (you guys may or may not be but I definitely am when I?m not on Topa, which means I am one) Went to rehab, AA, NA and got the keyring.

My dad ? Thank you EVERYONE for the positive messages, thoughts and prayers. My dad and I always had a very rocky relationship ? long story, he has a doctorate in Theology and is a retired Dutch Reformed church minister (very staunch Afrikaans if that means anything) and we?re also very alike. He suffers from severe epilepsy and had a brain operation in 2000 which changed him from this ?Hitler? to this ?OCD child-like? person. We only get on after a couple glasses of red wine, so it will be interesting to see what happens from here on out. Anyway, he is off all the IV?s and he?s coming home on Sunday. Bad news, he?s started smoking again (couldn?t walk a single step until they told him if he wants to smoke he has to walk to the smoking room).

Relationships ? Well tomorrow is my one year anniversary but its a long distance relationship so I saw very little of him during that time! I?m 32 and the last time I was in a steady relationship I was 26, pretty much when the alcoholism started taking over my life. I met quite a few girls my age in rehab and most of them became ? for lack of better word ? sluts when drinking but I became the opposite. I worked from home and just started keeping to myself. So perhaps if you can drink less you can open yourself up to more possibilities? Not just men but activities etc. Where you can meet friends and men, which frankly is more fun than staying at home drinking wine in front of the TV? I find I have so much free time now that I don?t have those god awful hangovers.

WTE - I think its time to change your ?mood status? ? you are starting to make me worried! Love your signature though, my thoughts exactly. Its a nice feeling to realize you drove past a liquor store hey? I once realized I left a bottle of wine in the car! Previously my wine-dar would?ve beeped every minute until it was consumed. Glad you think the magic is starting to happen! Interesting point that ? the sipper versus the glugger. I?d glug in the week and sip on weekends ? gluggling is more fun but sipping gives less hangovers I?m glad I don?t have your pizza guy though and that our local laws prohibit alcohol sales after 8 except in pubs. And don?t worry about the naps ? naps are healthier than wine and more productive too.

Wildflowers ? Your experience with Topa sounds a lot like mine. I will pray that Endoscopy your results come back normal and that you can just use this as a yield sign to help you stick with the Topa and make some more positive changes. Keep us updated please.

Houtx ? Thanks for the encouragement! You are way to cool and full of life to end up alone. Perhaps one of those singles activity club? My aunt is 70 and she met her last 3 boyfriends on the internet, you just have to pick the right site and learn how to cut and paste... just teasing Seriously, about half of my friends have met their partners online, people don?t just bump into people anymore unless it?s online or planned. Why don?t you and WTE go on a exotic holiday and pick up hot guys like in the Waiting to Exhale movie?

Sun ? Where in the UK do you visit? I just ask as I?m planning to go live there soon. Well, I?ll have to see how things with boyf will go when I go AF/moderate and he keeps drinking. Unfortunately he works in Slough... but then I lived in quite a ?bad? part of North London before and I loved it. Sorry about your dad, you must miss him. :l

Now, how many people do you know that beat themselves up about having less than half a glass of wine? Although maybe you should, just for being a skinny cow! Hahaha, just kidding. Al made me gain 20 kilo?s, I?ve got a lot to lose here! Its a pity the 300mg makes you depressed, I see you?re also on Celexa like me. I don?t mind sharing photo?s ? sounds like fun.

:wave:

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello All ?.

Another slightly better day yesterday, but dang ? I slept 13 hours last night after working all day!

Houtx ? Yes, we do have that advantage of knowing each other a bit outside of this board. And yes, so similar in so many ways. It?s been almost a year and half since "the last guy" and I shut it down ? and that one didn?t last very long, so I hear ya GF! There are times now that I wonder if I could ever live with anyone ever again after living alone for so long now ? 13 years in August. Yep, serious relationships along the way, but always maintained my own space and maybe that is how it will just always be. But I sure miss having someone ?special? in my life ? it?s just different no matter how many friends you have?.

Sun ? Congrats on buying the wine but not chugging it down! HA! I find I have to pour it down the drain or my throat. No other options available in my head. LOL I?ve started taking more L-Glut per your suggestion and perhaps that is helping a bit. I am still at 50mg and was going to increase to 25/50 but am so dang tired I can hardly stand it! Perhaps this weekend I will try and increase. Yesterday I again managed to pass the liquor stores and not buy a second bottle, so again had a 4 glass day vs. a 8-10 glass day. Was a bit of a struggle when I got home and I was tempted to drive back out ? but I didn?t, so maybe the Topa is giving a touch of will power as well.

As for what I do or exchanging photos, etc ? I get REALLY nervous about that here. Not because I don?t trust the people here, but what if someone?s computer gets stolen? With ?face recognition? programs these days, it?s not THAT hard to put a name to a photo. And I work with some pretty high end clients in a very ritzy area and could blow my entire business if any of this ever got out. Houtx and I are FB friends but are careful to not use our names here ?over there? and vice versa. We refer to MWO as ?the other site? HA. But that?s how we know about each other?s lives and see each other?s pictures. 

Dizzy ? Still thinking good thoughts for your Dad (and you!)

Hello to everyone else! Thank goodness it?s Friday! Only downside is this dang photo shoot tomorrow. Yuck. Oh well ? motivation to not over drink today/tonight and have puffy eyes in the AM!

Here?s to pluggin along ?.
WTE

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Congrats WTE on the low wine days, thats excellent. I don't mind about photos or not am fine with either.

I'm just checking in to moan actually. I am soooooooooo tired I can't keep my eyes open. Can it be because its my 4th AF day and I've been running around like a madwoman all week?

I just asked for an extension on a project as I seriously could not concentrate today, I'm just so damn fuzzy and tired. Well, they can't all be good ones and now that I got the extention I can flop in front of the TV and try and forget its friday.

XOX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning all! Wow Dizzy - well done on the 3 AF days - or is it 4 now? That is great - I came home last night from the late shift and poured the glass of wine from the bottle still in the fridge, had about two sips, thought "I really don't want this" and poured it back!! So pleased that I did this morning when I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed! I just have to remember this feeling this evening after working mid shift and get home at 8.00!! I am going to take some L-Glut with me and take it before I leave....... Diz - liked your post - really good - as for where I visit - I lived in the South West so visit there mainly, but also have friends in London so visit there too - I prefer the South West - it is a beautiful part of the country but depending on what you do, it is hard to get work down there. I know Slough - we moved around when I was small and lived not far from there for a short while!

WTE - Wonderful on passing the store and not buying a second bottle! That is progress indeed!! When you have that feeling of maybe going out and getting another bottle, THAT is when you need to take the L-Glut and then wait 10 mins! or just take it when you get home. I am surprised at how well it works. And also sort of peeved too - when I took it the other day, my head wanted a drink, but my body def. said NO! LOL No pleasing me is there?

Oh Diz - you asked when the last time any of us had any fun drinking - have to be honest - it was when I was in UK with my brother - we had a ball - didn't have enough for a hangover or anything but we did have a ball! Apart from that though, I do agree with you........ oh, and laughed at you saying I should beat myself up for being skinny! I am not skinny - I am SLIM !!! Even corrected my doctor on that!! :H:H Congrats on your one year anniversary too! Even though it was a long distance relationship! Oh and being tired - yes, it could be being AF - your body has a lot of changes - it is used to having AL in it and you aren't sleeping the same as you did. I didn't have any trouble with the Topa and being tired for long - I felt out of sorts the first couple of weeks being AF so it could be that. Just hang in there - you are doing wonderfully!

Houtx - I do understand about the relationship thing and wanting to have someone to go into your golden years with - I suppose in a perfect world, we could all live alone but have a chap living next door that we could call on for whatever reason when we felt like it - LOL. Like WTE said, she has been living alone for so long, it would be odd to live with someone - I would hate to have to get used to someones funny little foibles all over again.

Wildflowers - how are you doing? How is the pain feeling? You are so lucky to have a PDr to talk to - I wish I had someone around here that I could find but there is no-one that I know of nor that my doc knows of. I had a wonderful lady that I talked to for about a year, years ago, and we 'sorted stuff' so I stopped seeing her but would love to talk to her about AL - but she retired and moved away. The ironic thing is even then I wondered if I had a problem - but she laughed it off and told me that she had a drink every night when she went home and it was a good way to relax!!!!

I wonder how Playland is doing? We haven't heard from her in a while..... I think I might e-mail her and see how she is doing and hope all is well with her.....

Well, enough chatting - I need to get ready for work. Hope you all have a wonderful day - the weather here is lovely again - I need to be out pulling weeds! never mind, they (and probably a few few by then) will still be there tomorrow! My day off.

Hugs to all, Sun X

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello Dear Sun and Everyone,

It's playland and it's been quite awhile since I've checked in, 3-16-12, the days have gone by almost in a blur.

Sun, thank you for thinking of me, there is a reason that everyone says that you are the "heart" of this thread, and it is because you have been on this thread since the beginning when Airam first started it, and you are kind of like the "Mother" of the thread, somehow you remember everyone and manage to include them in the thoughts of the thread, just as you did for me today, it made me feel ever so good just knowing that you are thinking of me.

So, I must say, I have not been on the forum since 3-16-12, my family has been under alot of stress and most nights I come home from work, eat, drink and watch netflix and go to bed. Tonight was the first night that I looked at the thread and I am so happy to say,

"WELCOME" to so many new people who are trying TOPA, I have only been posting for a few months but I am a real believer in Topa. I know from experience that it can give you "freedom from cravings" and the insight to see that there is hope for us to manage our disease. I really think that it is like every other disease, it is managed, not so much cured, that is why we all have our ups and downs, we try this and that, hopefully learn and get better at managing it, the sad part is that we have to do this mostly on our own because the medical community for the most part has no training in this area, but we do have hope.

So, here is my update: I won't go over my history: I was on Topa 25AM/25PM with total success within a few days of starting and stayed for some time. Then I had to make a trip abroad and didn't have enough to last and had to go off the Topa, the cravings returned very quickly and I returned to drinking heavily just as before. I returned home and started Topa again. Now here is the catch: the topa didn't kick in so quickly like it did before and I became kind of impatient and went up on the dosage.

The first time I had no intention of taking a high dosage because I have something called "narrow angle glaucoma", I have had some laser surgery related to this and use eye drops and as a nurse I was aware of the risk of Topa aggravating the problems with the eyes. So, the first time I went very slowly and vowed not to go to a high dosage due to this risk. The second time I wanted the Topa to work right away and I tried to be patient and I was, but in the end, I increased the dosage higher than I should have, knowing that it might cause a problem with my eyes. So, just about the time I started to feel the effects of the topa on the drinking (last post) I also started to experience some blurry vision and just wierd feelings in my eyes.

So, a few days ago of course, I had a visit to the opthamologist, of course I didn't say I was taking Topa because I had bought it online. So, now I have had to totally discontinue using the Topa and will need a microscopic surgery procedure on one eye to avoid more problems.

But even after all of this, I must say that after this is taken care of, I will start the Topa again and never go higher than 25/25, I had good results with this dose and no SE with vision, I think the benefit of having the relief of cravings will be worth it. Of course if I have more eye problems I will stop the drug, but I have a feeling that dose might be acceptable for my body, and if I have patience I bet it will help the cravings again also. I also urge everyone to be very aware of how your body is reacting to any drug that your are taking, be aware of the possible SE that can cause health problems and pay attention, but don't be afraid to at least try.

Thank you for your patience in reading this long letter, I'm very happy to reconnect with everyone, thanks for listening, and I will try to stay in touch.

Hugs, Play

Love is a Blessing, To Love is a Blessing and To Be Loved is a Blessing!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Some days are just better than others ….

All in all, I am seeing a slight ongoing improvement as I track daily from week to week. Today will finally be the day that I up my dosage to 25/50 now that my photo shoot is behind me and I have the day off (and can nap! HA!) Not sure about what time I should take that 1st 25 dose. Suggestions?

I also think I am seeing a pattern of drinking less when I take my evening dose a bit earlier in the evening – say 500ish rather than 700ish. The day just seems to get away from me and while I carry my Topa in my purse, I seem to forget and it’s not until I am home and fed and walked the dog that I remember it. Going to try and find a way to be better at that. I’m not sure if the L-Glut is helping or not, but I am taking it at least twice a day and when at home more often.

Dizzy – Love your posts! And as for relationships, I know what you mean about keeping to yourself. But I think I can speak for both Houtx and I that we HAVE put ourselves “out there” for years. At one point we had a really funny thread going about our online dating experiences (on another site) – so we were trying! I swear I dated frog within a 50 mile radius and have never come across so much deception in the life. Either fake photos, or lies about lifestyle, etc. I met a few cool guys that remain friends, but other than one – no sparks, and that one didn’t last. I joined a TON of meet up groups and am still pretty active in many of them. Things such as a kayaking club, a 40-50s women group, another group that we do something the 3rd Saturday of every month. I have spa partes at my huse and had a huge Chrstmas party here. So I’m out there. That plus working with the public all the time. But I will confess that there are many an evening that it just sounds nicer after work to not redress and do all that nonsense and instead curl up with my pup and a bottle of wine.

I guess ideally for me would be to have someone “exclusive” in my life, but we did not live together. HA! Let us each have our own space and “invite” each other into one another’s life on an ongoing basis. Yeah right … dream on! LOL That or a REALLY big house!

And Dizzy – CONGRATS on how great you are doing! I hope to be right behind you soon! Damn pizza guy! HA! And we can buy liquor here 24/7. Hell, even the gas stations sell wine and beer!

Playland – Good to “see” you again and thanks for your info on the eye sight issue. It’s just been recently that I’ve read it can be an SE. The highest I ever went was 25/50 and didn’t notice that, but I have recently felt more blurry than normal and grabbing for my reading glasses more often. Then again – I am WAYYYYY overdue for an eye checkup and it’s it most likely the fact that I am almost 58 than the Topa! HA!

I hope things work out for you and you wrote such sweet words of encouragement for everyone fighting this battle. Very sweet.



Sun – Always great to hear from you and I chime in as well for holding this thread together for all this time. When I was gone so long – I was SO pleased to see you still here!

So you had the “tireds” for the first few weeks as well? Today is Day 19 for me and while I THINK it is lifting a bit – hard to tell. We’ve had some gloomy weather and I swear I suffer a touch from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and totally lack energy without the sun out. That, plus a real “behind the scenes” cat fight I have with 2 of the chicks at my shop which is STRESS! Stress just wears me out! Add wine = sofa time! LOL

Houtx – So Plan B? You mentioned Nal? Are you going to try TSM again? As you know, after a year for me I went “flop”. Not a binge drinker and I am convinced that is the reason. First try with Topa was a no-go as well, but that 2nd time WOW! So I KNOW in my heart something with Topa CAN work for me if I work with it. I don’t feel like I have the patience (or time) to try TSM again, although in theory it all adds up in my head.

I just have to continue my baby steps forward and figure out a way to totally not BLOW IT when I do something like take a vacation or go away for a fun weekend with the girls. At the casino a few weekends ago I PROMISED myself I would track and I would be ordering tall soda waters with lemon mostly. It all just goes to poop when the party starts! UGH.

Yesterday was not too bad. As I made my coffee, I poured any leftover wine down the sink. Nothing like puffy eyes for photos by sipping wine in the AM! Shoot was at 1100 AM and over about 1230 and so headed to have sushi with a GF. Had some sake with her and we went and did a bit of shopping. Bought my usual 2 bottles of wine on the way home and ended up drinking one – determined to not open the 2nd one. That went to hell when I got a late night call from a friend and my usual habit of phone = smoke = wine kicked in. So I had another glass and half or so. Not terrible, but wish I had not opened it. Old habits die hard!

Waving hello to all of the rest of you …. Have a great Sunday!

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all -
Great posts from everyone. I haven't ordered TOPA yet - haven't priced it yet on River pharm (is that the recommended place still?) and keep forgetting to get the L-glut. Maybe that will be my mission today - to hit Whole Foods and try that.

Congrats Dizzy on the AF days & WTE/Play/Sunny/Wflowers on the low days. Hope to join the ranks. "Manageable" is a good key word. That's my goal...better than I have been. My daughter is here weekends and that's usually when I stay up too late and have a few more than usual. Gotta stop that! Last night was fine, Friday night not so much. I don't want her or my son to see me sloshy. UGH -

I agree with WTE about the relationship thing & getting out there. I have never gotten drunk with a date or someone I hoped would lead to something more. Just haven't found the right one yet or he find me!

Ok - I'm going to hit the send & hope it flies! Have a good day everyone :-)

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx - I get my L-Glut from a body building shop! Not sure if whole Foods would be more expensive but I get an 18 oz container of the powder for about $23.00. No more for now - came in from the weeding to get some water! back later,

Sun X

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello to all you lovely Ladies & Gents,

Lets see if I can remember to answer all the ????. When was the last time drinking was a pleasure? Hmmn? Well, last summer camping, & rafting. I love being outdoors, playing in the sun. In all honesty I think I would have had just as much fun if not more fun without the beer. I stay away from the hard liquor as it changes my personality into a not so nice lady. Well most of the time.

Minus the Holidays I've been able to resist a hot buttered rum or 5 of them. Of course then I had to have rum & cokes too. Tho Vodka was my choice of drink for many years. Along with some Irish Cream. I actually made it 11 months no hard stuff. Then the Holidays.

Now I've been drinking for 30 + years & it's changed my brain. I don't get the dopamine buzz like I did years ago. So really drinking isn't a pleasure anymore & it hasn't been for many years. I've drank
I'd say the last few to just feel normal. To keep from going into withdrawals, to function normally.

The last time I felt FAKE pleasure with alcohol was, last summer camping & rafting. I love playing outside in the sun. Tho I believe I could have had just as much fun if not more fun without the beer! I want to know what REAL pleasure is.

Well, Poo, Wahh I was almost done & I closed the wrong tab. Tried to restore the tabs & nothing. I've already learned this site logs u off & u have to copy & paste & log back in or u lose everything. remind u of anything Houtx?

My choice of drink in my twenties was wine. So then vodka was next. I stopped hard liquor as an attempt to control my drinking a few years ago. I caved at 11 months just b4 the Holidays. Those hot buttered rums which turned into rum & cokes then some irish cream were calling to me. Drinking beer seemed less damaging, less alcohol volume. Hard liquor changes my personality into a not very nice lady. So only the hard stuff around the Holidays & Vacation once or twice a yr. Yes, I ruined some Hoildays & Vacations

My drinking was mainly driven by anxiety, anxiousness, nervousness, restlessness. Secondly,it was driven by a lack of energy as I aged. Which is the one thing I do miss in part. It was a constant struggle to control the anxiety or gain a false energy with the alcohol. It worked as both an upper & downer. But, as time went on I no longer could control how it would effect my energy levels. As alcohol provided a FALSE energy. Or it would calm me down as a False depressant. It would often give me the get up & go that I needed/wanted to get things done. Again more so as I've aged.

I feel so tired these days, but this tiredness is still so much better than the way I was living! Third, I drank to numb emotional pain. Not being able to "live life on life's terms". Still working on this part. Suppose I always will, but that's a good thing! Thanks to Topa I have a chance with physical cravings under control now.

The reason I chose the Topa back then & again today is, because it works on Gaba & L-Glutamine. The brains own natural Valium. Plus the later has something to do with sugar, which I don't fully understand. Obviously, my brain is lacking in both these areas. I can trace lacking these Neurotransmitters back into childhood. Plus it's dopamine blocking action. No pleasure effects from drinking alcohol. Tho I don't think I was getting a whole lot of pleasure in the end anyway. If I was it wasn't REAL Pleasure, it was FAKE Pleasure!

My mind isn't completely clear from the alcohol fog & I suspect it won't be for quite some time. But, it sure beats the way I was!!!! I just know that both times my brain feels better after a short period of time from taking Topa. Thus the reason my anxiety is gone & I feel so calm.

As for the PDr. when I saw him in 2007-08 he was there just to manage my RX Topa. He knew I was seeing a female therapist, saw her for two yrs. Plus most shrinks that's what they do write Rxs then they want u to receive therapies from someone else. This time he must have looked thru his notes as he asked me if he could help me with anything else. Back in 2007-08 after he wrote me my 2nd 6month supply of Topa I never went back. I told him no not at this time.

I do feel depressed, but as I said b4 it's not the main reason I feel I self medicated with alcohol. Plus I do notice the depression is worse the wk b4 my cycle. Besides in the past I tried a few anti-depressants & they made me want to drink even more then I was already drinking. Just check the Internet there has been tons of evidence out there for yrs, that this does happen to plenty of people. Not everyone. But, it did happen to me.

2nd ? I don't feel comfortable sharing my pic.

3rd? When I was originally Rxd Topa 2007-08 by PDr. he wanted me to take 50 mg. pm for two wks, then 50 mg. in am. The 50 mg. in am was too much. So, I took 50 mg in pm after two wks then only 25 mg in am. Currently still taking 50 mg pm this Tue 4/3 it will be 3 wks. If I feel any cravings coming on, I will begin taking 25 mg. in am & continue taking 50 mg. in pm. This time he is letting me self dose. I think he just thinks I will do the same as I did back then. I do feel very grateful that I have him! As I was scared to order on line. But, I would have, if that was my only choice.

I do feel very fortunate that I'm having success at such a low dose. Everyone's chemistry is different. Also I think that it's been such a long time in between that this is my 2nd time starting Topa that it's working so well. Tho I've read mixed reviews about 2nd & 3rd starts with Topa.

I do hope Playland that it will work for u again! I've thought of u & said a little prayer for u, your family, & new grandbaby. I will also add your eyes & sight to my list.

Still keeping ur Dad on the prayer list to Dizzybee. Your doing great! Be gentle with yourself & don't expect too much of youself too soon. It's very normal too be tired when we quit drinking. Plus the Topa will make us tired for awhile until our bodies get used to it. But it will all be worth it, to live a sober life!!!!

Sunshinedaisy, thanks for asking about me. Yes, still having those upper abdomen issues. I'm going in Tue am 4 the endoscopy. Thanks 4 letting me know that it's no big deal. I'm more worried about the results, well & them poking a whole in an organ. I know I need to work on not worrying so much. Been smoking now 6-7 ciggies. Been increasing back up, bought some nicotine gum, but haven't opened it. I will wait until after Tue, procedure. At least I'm not smoking a whole pk like I was b4 I got this very nasty flu bug a couple of wks ago. Still not up too par from it, but getting better ea day. Good for u stopping for 26 yrs! Wow!!! U can do it again!!...

I feel like I 4got to answer somebodies ? or may have 4got to give somebody a nod. I apologize if that's the case!

Wishing all of you a lovely sober day ~ evening

Namaste,

Wildflowers

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone - Wildflowers - had to smile, I too have bought some Nic gum, but haven't opened it yet either! Guess that says a lot about us wanting to quit eh? I did quit before with the Carr book about smoking - must admit I do like his books.... I have it out by my bed ready to read again. I am so pleased that the Topa is working for you at such a low dose - yes, my doc too, let me decide what dose to take but gave me enough tabs to go up to the 300mg which as I said, I did. Right now I am on the 150mg and don't feel any SE's.

Hi there WTE - glad the photo shoot went well. Yes, old habits DO die hard! Maybe you should have only bought one bottle - LOL Or had some L-Glut inbetween bottles maybe? I am glad that I don't have the social issues to deal with - I am not sure that I could do it so I do see that it is very hard for you. I know that I couldn't go out with the girls and not join in!!

Play - so sorry about the eye issue - I hadn't know that was a SE until I read it on here and am so sorry you are having a problem with it. I found out that going up too quickly does nothing - did nothing - for me, but not with bad SE's - it just did nothing. When are you having your eye surgery? Is it just on one eye or did it affect both? I am so sorry - it is just what you don't need with all that is going on with the grandbaby and all. Plus your daughter too - when were you going back to Spain? You and your family will be in my prayers :l Hope all goes well for you.....

Houtx - did you get the l-Glut? I try and take it before I think I will want a drink - if that makes any sense! I close tonight and am taking some before I leave work - don't have any AL in the house anyway but that way I won't have any cravings for it when I come home anyway! I thought about getting a bottle of wine this morning for this evening but then decided not to - that way I can have a couple of AF days. I am not trying to moderate - just need to know that with the L-Glut and the lower Topa dose that I can do this.

Hiya Diz - I saw on another post about the Antabuse helping and am so happy for you that combined with the Topa it is - sort of like me with the L-Glut. This is such a hard battle isn't it? I am so glad that we all have each other to talk to about it. Finding this web site was the best thing I did re my drinking.....

And off to start thinking about getting ready for work - hugs to all,

sun X