New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Hippiegirl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Less than half of a fifth last night by 7pm. Didn't feel too awful this morning, just depressed that I had once again not followed through with my plan to spend the night af. But thanks:happy::happy: to you wonderful people, I am back on track.

Took my morning shower, am drinking a liter of water w/ lemon, and will take the first ab when I am done with that -15 minutes or so from now.

DB - you rock!!!

[Hippiegirl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Aaaaaand the ab is down the hatch! Happy happy joy joy

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

GO YOU HIPPIEGIRL YEAH YEAH YEAH

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ditto HippieGirl, I'm Very Proud Of You!!!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Dear Space, yes, about the eye issue, I have a form of glaucoma and it is noted that Topa can cause an increase in the pressure of the eyes. So, I was taking a low dose, only 50mg QD, and then I increased it and noticed that I was having blurry vision and my eyes felt wierd, by that time I had run out of the Topa and was no longer taking it and when I got my eyes checked at first they said I would have to have some surgery then the second check said things had improved and would just watch it. So, I never mentioned that I was taking the Topa, and I never noticed anything when I was taking the low dose, so I think this time I can't go above 50 or 75 mg, I just need to be careful and I will.

WTE and Sun, you both seem to really swear by the L-Glut, I guess I will try it again, I took it for a short time at first but was unable to keep up with taking so many supplements every day, but maybe I should put it back as one of the necessary ones along with my "All One, Vit D, and a couple of others.

Rainy, yes, I've noticed that "gluten free" is the rage here right now, I've been curious about it but haven't done any research about it. I'm not really sure what gluten free even means, that is a sure sign I need to read about it.

Guess i will hit the hay, love to all,
play

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey play, I have to be honest and say I cant understand why your taking topa when you know it could make your eye condition worse, and id does worry me, will your go and get your eys checked, say after a month or so of being back on topa and then if theres no change you will know its ok to take and let me know that its all ok. Never having taken topa I dont know what it does, does it make you feel better or does it just stop you wanting a drink, I suppose I should have asked this before being on this thread because I am very interested. I know Dizzy says it makes her feel great in herself, does it do that for everyone?

I have L glut separate form my other supps, they are all tablet and capsule form and so I keep them together in a tub and just put them all into a bowl of a morning and take them when I am in the kitchen and I am pretty good at taking them. But with the L glut being in powder form and also because it says it should be taken on an emptly stomach I do forget so I intend to take it more than once a day but usually I only think about it when I am thinking or wanting a drink.

I do admire your disciplin Rainy with the gluten free diet, I have googled it but dont think there any way I could do that I love dairy, potatoes, bread and all that. But I will admit that when I did Atkins a while back I did feel so much better and didnt crave carbs like I thought I would, after the first few days I just didnt think about them at all really, even tho I was cooking potatoes and stuff for my sons. My eldest son has just told me that he misses my cooking a breakfast each day for us which I did then so I am going to start looking at low carb again, I think theres one thats not quite as restrictive as Atkins but I cant remember what its called, does anyone know?

I am feeling better today regarding my depression but my back is in pain so which is literally a pain and Im still in bed because of it. .

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone

Please excuse me as this is just a quick check in. I got a email from bf this morning (its always sent at 2AM, I wonder why that is) saying that he guess its over as he simply can't forgive me for what I've done.

I replied by saying that I apologise for sending it on his second birthday and I apologise for replying in kind to some of his nasty emails, and that some of what he said really hurt me. I also clarified some points. I then said I don't think what I sent him on that second birthday was abuse (this is what he can't forgive me for) and I think that if he can't forgive me for it, then it is probably better that we do split up because I cannot bring myself to lie and ask forgiveness for speaking my mind and asking him to talk to me about problems instead of running to the bottle. So I am following advice here and letting it go. If he can't forgive me over this, I guess we are over.

I am OK though. Not super happy, I mean it hurts like f*ck, but at least I'm sober and rational and I know I'm not going to get drunk tonight and start crying and then harass him on the phone and via email for hours to drag this out. You won't believe how much that helps right now.

Hugs and love to everyone and thanks for all the kind words and love. I'll be back to my PC hugging self tomorrow. I want to sew some sprouting bags today for next weekend's market and I have to make fish, baked potatoes and yummy salads for the sick parents. I also won't stay at theirs for long as I have started to manage their care in a more remote way. I have also started visiting more in the mornings where I know my cravings to drink are less because the only thing that makes me want to drink more than bf is them.

:h:h:h

PS: Edit: Space, The psyciatrist said Topa only acts as a antidepressant on one in fifty people, so I guess I'm a bit of a lucky freak in that department.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OH DIZZY I am so so sorry - I really cannot see that you said anything wrong to be honest! I just can't. But if that is what he has decided - well...... I really do feel for you and am sending all manner of hugs and special thoughts to you my friend :l:h I am pleased that you have taken the Antabuse - as you said, it would have been so easy to go to the bottle...and then the e-mails and stuff would start to fly..... oh gosh I am sorry - I just don't know what else to say..... another hug maybe? :l

Play - yes, the L-Glut is really good but one has to take it properly! I have found that out. And I take very few supps - just - in my head 'the essential' ones as I too, cannot keep up with them and end up not taking them. last night I ended up having 1 1/2 Guinness and a Kahlua and milk - which means things are moving - I always switch to kahlua when the end is in sight! The Guinness just starts losing its appeal.

Space - no, the Topa doesn't make me feel good the way it does for Diz- eventually it makes me not want to drink, but unfortunately I am one of those who have to get up to a really high dose. And before on the really high dose it made me super depressed. I have just got to that dose so we shall see - especially seeing as i have come off of my AD almost - am on a half a tab of the lowest dose. If I can do it with just the supps, I will come back down off the Topa - as for taking the L-Glut on an empty tummy - my tummy is never empty except first thing in the morning as I am a grazer so I just take it whenever! As I am trying so hard right now to stop the AL, I do remember my supps - it is a week or two into it that I start to forget them. Sorry your back is paining you - has it always bothered you or is it something recent? There is a book by John Sarno about back Pain that is suppoed to be really good - if you can't get it there I can send it to you - I sent one to my sister and she said it was really good. Let me know eh?

Hi to everyone else - OH - Hippiegirl - how are you feeling? READ and post if you need to - hang in there - I am thinking of you and sending you lots of strength to get through this!!:l

off outside to plant seeds before it gets too hot!!

Love, Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Dizzy Im so sorry for you that and am also sending hugs and love and will be thinking of you today. and yes you are totally correct that if you drank now and started all that phone calls and email stuff it wuld drag it out and make you feel so much worse. Once a long time ago before internet when an ex of mine wouldnt answer the phone to me I started sending him letters and cards all time, some days I would send several I really do cringe at that now, and this was AFTER I found out he was sleeping with a neighbour!

Dizzy these are for you and I mean every one of them :l:l:l:l:l:l xxx

I can get back to reading what Sun said now take care of yourself

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks Sunny and Space. :l

Right now I am sad but I genuinely feel like I have handled this in a grownup way, and there is something beautiful in there.

When I get drunk, I get overemotional and nasty and off kilter. I do sometimes look for arguments and attention and fights. And then I feel awful the next day, as if I deserved whatever I got in return.

Now I just feel like I am the person who have grown in the relationship and he is the person who feel left behind. I gave him a nudge and he feels hurt. If he wants to be with me he will man up, otherwise there is someone better out there for me.

Yes, this may not be over, and yes, if it is, it will hurt for another couple of months to come, but having this amount of clarity makes it so much easier. And I think that is what I appreciate the most about sobriety. It makes me feel like although shit will happen, I am a good person doing my best. I am no longer (and this is only my own thoughts reflecting on myself) this sad, confused, broken person who acts out and then hides her shame behind alcohol.

Hippiegirl, would love to hear how you are.

Space, I added an edit to the end of my last post for you. Oh and sorry about your back. :l

Thanks for being my rock, girls, I mean it!

:l:l:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun, what is Kahula? its great to have a plan isnt it and to know you are going in the right direction, well done for getting yourself back on track it would have been so easy to just fall into a slump and stay there. Have you come off AD's totally because of the stroke, I do obviously hope all is well, there are other things that you can take now that you arent on ssri's, I cant take them myself so dont know anything about them but I know there is amino acids, 5HTP and stuff like that, you would have to look into it if you where interseted that are said to help with depression. There is a book Depression free naturally by the person who wrote seven weeks that has them in I think, but that is back to taking lots of supps again which I know are so easy to not bother taking them. I have got the book but not read it all.

HEY HEY HIPPY GIRL how are you feeling, whats it like to wake up after not drinkng last night? I would assume that these first few days will be a bit tough but just hang on in there, it is so worth it. Post as much as you think you need/want to.

My back is not good, I cant stand up straight yet, but its better than when I woke up and last night when I felt like crying with it :upset: (I would have done but I cant seem to cry without being pissed!) my back pain has gone on for years now, but is getting worse, age I think just comes to us all, mind you I am in far better nick now than I was a few years back when my drinking was at its worst.

Hi I cant chat to everyone I have to get ready to go out to my mums now, yes its bloody Sunday in England so we HAVE to have a roast dinner even though the sun is shining and it would be a lovely day to go out somewhere!

xxx

[Hippiegirl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh my what a night. Did not sleep well, got up about 3 and took a valium and finally got back to sleep for a bit. I was pretty depressed yesterday, not feeling well and being deprived of my usual entertainment ( getting drunk.)

But at least this morning I don't feel guily for drinking and have another dose of AB down my gullet.

The weather here is not helping -so stinking hot and humid. I'm so excited about having a little veggie garden though. Think that will definitely give me something to do after work during the week!

Thanks everybody, for checking up on me. I can't begin to tell you much it means to get up in the morning and know people are thinking about me and wishing me well.:thanks:

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ahhh Hippiegirl (I subscribe to this thread for instant updates in case you think I'm weird for replying so quickly) I'm so glad you are OK. I know I have been advising you and part of me was scared that if something goes wrong I will blame myself.

The first day or two isn't going to be great but I'd say by tomorrow or Tuesday you're going to wake up and for a first few seconds you're going to think, shit how much did I drink last night, and then you're going to realise - NONE! And then you're going to realise all the nasty withdrawals is gone and all the nasty hangovers is gone.

And all that is left is you and nice stuff like looking forward to veggie gardens and hanging out with your bf and friends and starting projects and helping other people. And (probably) a long while later you are going to realise that there are actually more pros to cons than stopping drinking. Hang in there love.

I'm afraid I'm not in the best of moods with the breakup crap but I'm with you in spirit and really proud of you.

:l:l:l

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Diz – I chime in with the rest with sending you big bear hugs! And I am also with Sun in saying that I can’t see that you did anything wrong … other than perhaps getting your feathers a bit ruffled and rightly so. I’m sorry, but a mature man about to plan a married future to woman and he cannot forgive her for speaking “words” to him on his pretend “2nd birthday”? Huh?

I’m so pleased and proud of you that you are not turning to AL. GREAT on you and all your determination and strength woman! I think many (most!?) of us have all made asses of ourselves at some point in our lives when we’ve been hurt and disagreed and drunk dialed or emailed or showed up one someone’s door (not really an option for you huh? HA!) to say something we would regret later. Lay low, take care of Diz, pamper yourself a bit and don’t be afraid to look into all of the other wonders the future holds for thye new and improved Diz .. no matter what happens.

Hippy – Hang close to the board if that feel right and keep on trucking. I admire your determination the kick that beast is the arse!

And “hot & humid” is GREAT for growing veggies!

Space – So sorry to hear about your back. I had issues with mine years ago and it basically got solved with proper exercise – believe it or not! Thankfully! I was careless when I was young and never lifted proper and never thought about it. And I never focused on how important keeping the muscles around the spine(core) strong were. I don’t know anything about the book Sun suggested but I know there are a number of them out there that have some great information. I hope you start feeling better! Alternating ice & heat always worked for me in the mornings to get things moving. No fun!

Sun – You sound like you are pulling it back together! Yea! I always wonder WHY the damn AL just seems to start taking control again when we don’t seem to change anything. AARRGGHH.

Wish I could say I was on the same roll. Hummmm. Not bad, but again I drank 4 instead of my target of 3 – dammit. It’s not terrible and if I hold it to 3 or less for the next 3 days I will have accomplished this “months goal of 3”. However I have a birthday this after to attend and I got voted to make my famous Caribbean Sangria. Three down sides to that. One is that it doesn’t start until 4 PM and I am having a hard time holding the line until that hour because I am getting up at 4 – 430 AM. Second is – I LOVE the stuff. HA! And the third is that I now have ? bottle of Peach Schnapps and almost a full bottle of Rum in my pantry. Rut Ro! Since this is a Shop Team BD party I will certainly not overdo it (as I am also still a sipper no matter what I drink) but it will be hard to stay at 3 for the entire day.

I was doing my best when I would only buy “my limit” or close to it and pour the rest out. I “tested the waters” a few times and did OK – and thought alright! Diz’s mantra of WHO’S YOUR MAMMA? Is working! HA! But in reality I think having too much in the frig too early in the day when I am home all day is still an issue for me right now.

Hi Play! I am wishing all the best with the Topa this time around. I worried about the glaucoma thing as well because although I don’t suffer from it, my Mother did and I worry that it may be an issue for me some day. So far so good for me. I am currently at 50/75.

And yes. I now SWEAR by L-Glut. I’m terrible about taking tons of tablets and pills so all I am taking right now is my morning shake I make with All-One (with tons of berries & orange juice) and the L-Glut throughout the day. I have to have it out to remember it. So I keep a small “cute” container on my counter with a small glass and spoon a paper towel and with the powder you just add it to about an inch of water and toss it back. Rinse the cup and it’s done. It tastes like nothing and I do that before I even drink my coffee in the mornings. Like Sun, I carry a baggie of it in my purse and if I start getting an early craving do the same thing. Most often as soon as I get home from work as well. If at home, a couple of times during the day. Houtx says she is sensing more “clarity” since she starting taking it – and almost right away.

Rainy – I agree with Space on a gluten free diet in that I can’t imagine how I would live without bread and the such! I was grocery shopping yesterday and thinking about it and it would really chop my grocery bill down. HA! I don’t eat much dairy as I am lactose intolerant, but I LOVE my bread and pastas. I too need to read up on this topic more …

Off to begin my Sunday morning …

WTE

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey there - thanks for keeping us updated Hippie - yes, that first night is always the pits - NO sleep!! It does get better but might take a few nights..... good to hear you took more AB this morning - it does take some time to get out of your system anyway though so be careful...... Where are you where the weather is hot and humid? I got out in the garden at 6.30 this morning so I wouldn't be out there later when it gets so awfully hot. but it is already really humid. What are you going to plant in your veggie garden? they are such fun!!

Space - Kahlua is a coffee drink that I mix with ice and a lot of milk - for some reason I always go onto Kahluia as the end draws near - I don't like many AL drinks and Kahlua is one I do like. It is still AL though!! The Guinness just did NOT appeal last night which is the Topa kicking in. It is in a can and for some reason, things in cans seem to be the first thing to go with topa - I cut down my soda intake drastically when I was first on it. I went from 40mg of my AD 'cos of the heart scare with the Celexa - which caused the supposed mini-stroke that turned out to be withdrawal symptoms from the cutting down on the Celexa too fast (thanks Doctor!!) and am now on a half dose of Lexapro (5mg) thinking about coming off it completely. Seeing as I feel okay on that low of a dose, I see no point in continuing on an AD. I have always had Rhodiola on hand if I get really low and it works for me. I have been on AD's for over 12 years and would love to get off them totally. So, I shall see - I have been on the 5mg now for - gosh, not sure - maybe a week or two - so maybe it is time to go to every other night. Space - surely there is SOME way you can put on your big girl panties and tell your mum that maybe you could go to EVERY OTHER SUNDAY for Sunday lunch? It really wiped out your day for you doesn't it? I know it would be a scary thing for you to do - but you DO have a life apart from her - maybe think about it - she would be upset but she would get over it........just a thought :l :l

Back outside to the garden ! Going to plant my sweet potatos now - we had to wait until there was no chance of a frost - the garden centre has only just got them in and the space is all ready and waiting.

back later, Sun X