New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have never tried posting more than one pic - but here goes...... these are some of my raised beds - one with spuds, one with peppers, beetroot and radishes and one with tomatoes, carrots and brussle sprouts - I really should post them in the gardening thread - if this works I will do it there too!!








Gosh - I think I did it !!! GO ME !!!!!!

love, Sun XX Attached files [img]/converted_files/1855740=6815-attachment.jpg[/img] [img]/converted_files/1855740=6811-attachment.jpg[/img] [img]/converted_files/1855740=6813-attachment.jpg[/img]

[struggles]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all! It's a little after noon and I am having horrible cravings. I have a runny nose and feel like crap. I slept all of about 2 hours last night and just want a drink. I took some lglut, kudzu and just had a huge salad with a baked chicken breast on it and waiting for it to kick in. I am heading out to clean the pool in the sun, although it's chilly here. I only have a few hours until I make day two complete and then I can take the topa again! I have promised myself I will NOT give in. Lots of fluids.

Has anyone found that the topa makes them feel dry? Weird that it didn't do it before, but this time it seems to. Not as shaky today, but had some sweats...yuck!

I will post again later and keep reading!

Hugs to all!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

STRUGGLES..... I am SO PROUD OF YOU. That is amazing to go cold turkey like that - just incredible. I am SO impressed!! Yes, the Topa can make you dry - just drink lots of water - best thing for you..... although actually it might be the L-Glut doing that...

Hang in there my dear friend - :l:h

love, Sun XX

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Today is day 1.
I say that with the utmost seriousness as my husband just came home and told me the drinking has to stop. He said I am turning into my parents and it grosses him out. I really wanted to suggest to him that he should just leave but he is right.

I don't know if I can just stop drinking. I am an alcoholic but I know if I touch alcohol again my marriage is over and it will be my fault.

I am going out of town today and I wish I could stay away for a month but I know that isn't an option either.

He told me I was cheating on him. Not with another man but with alcohol.

My life is falling apart. I feel worthless, hopeless and wish I could just dissapear.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Mimi - I am so sorry - he must KNOW it isn't that easy. It isn't YOUR fault - Alcoholics have a different chemistry. get him the book called Getting Sober and Staying That way by Susan Powter - it explains how we are different to normal people and it really helped a friend of mine's partner understand HER better. MAKE him read it. It totally changed my friends partners attitude.

Do NOT think you are worthless - that is one thing you are not - never ever think that. you are a wonderful human being with a precious soul, who has a problem. Like all of us. You are still you despite everything. Pull up your socks, put your big girls panties on and decide how you are going to handle this. YES, you are an alcoholic - we all are. But, we can and will sort this out. Have him read the book, then you work out a plan. you can't disappear so stop wishing you could. Have a short pity party, then start thinking positive. MAKE YOUR PLAN. Read the carr book. That helped me no end. Sit Hubs down - Have a SERIOUS talk - no raised voices, tell him about the book you want him to read. Tell him you are going to do everything in your power to stop, but you need his support not threats. Tell him how sad YOU feel and how in despair YOU are about the situation and it is not of your choosing. But that you WANT to get better.......

Sorry - ran out of words.

Mimi - I am sending lorry loads of love and hugs to you - I so feel for you and wish I could do more. Hang in there dear girl - it will all work out in the end - MAKE A PLAN.

Hugs and love, Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

mimi911;1318037 wrote: .

My life is falling apart. I feel worthless, hopeless and wish I could just dissapear.

Mimi you are none of those things, you are thinking that because of your situation and the drink.

I think Sun has pretty much said it all but you are going to have to learn to stand up to your husband and tell him this whole mess is not just your fault. You are ill right now and need help and support from him not criticism. Can you just concentrate on getting yourself better and not worrying about him. Just start looking after Mimi you are worth it

:l:l:l:h

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Struggles, well done, you are doing really well, just having come off the drink will make you feel dehydrated so yes, lots of fluids and carry on as you are, you will get there

:l

[struggles]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I just lost my mind with my daughter and all I want to do is DRINK!! But I will not. She's only 11 and I really screamed at her....my patience is soooo thin. One more reason to hate what alcohol has done to me. I called her names, told her she treats me like crap...OMG all because she was playing the piano and it got on my nerves!!! I am drinking my 10th diet coke....geez. I hope tomorrow is easier, I just want to cry. ;(

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks for the encouragement.

Here are some facts about my husband- It's his opinion that
1. addiction is a character flaw
2. you should just "stop" drinking
3. self help books are stupid and should never be read
4. counceling is another rediculous waste of time and money
5. treatment centers are useless because drinking is a choice

As for sitting him down and talking to him, there is no point because he's heard it before and I didn't follow through so there is no point in him believing me this time.

I don't know what to do now. I don't think I can ever look him in the eye's again. I know i am having a pitty party but I honestly don't know what to do, who to turn to. I've tried AA and didn't find it very helpful.

except you guys, i have no one to turn to. No one that I can just sit down with and talk to them about my problem.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Gang, hey, thanks for the gentle strokes, I'm not generally a needy person but I guess I do have my moments, thanks for being here:h

and I have to tell you Dizz, I have had to think long and hard to remember what that thing is called over the bed that patients use to pull themselves up with and it just this second came to me, it's called a "trapeze", and the side rail things are called side rails:H.

WTE how is the pup?

Mimi I somehow missed the part about your husband having an affair and I told you to stay with him almost no matter what, well, I left mine for that small little thing, although I think I do admire people who can rebuild and overcome if it is truly a genuine asking for forgiveness and for trust to be built again.

MIMI, Now Oh My God, I have just read your latest posts, Mimi, about what is going on with your husband, about what a worthless person that you are because you are not able to just "Stop" drinking. Now, you must take a deep breath and calm down and remember that this is not who you are at all, yes, you have a problem with alcohol and you are working on it, but the problem that your husband is having is HIS problem, you are not the cause of it, it is his problem, he is the cause, because he is so narrow minded that he believes that everything and everyone must be and do exactly as he thinks they must be and do, which is absolute BS and you know that this is true. You must not buy into his overbearing personality, please believe in yourself. I really think the best thing you could do for yourself would be to take some time off from your marriage. Don't let him be the one to say it's over. Just tell him that you both need some time apart, you need some time to work on your problem by yourself and he could also use some time on his own to think about the marriage, believe me, it will make him think about the marriage. Then think about where you could go to be on your own, a friend, a hotel, come to one of us (no kidding, I'm sure one of use has an extra room) , go to your parents, just go somewhere for a few months, who knows, you might like it so much you will never want to go back or you may want to after you get a handle on things.

I have alot more to post for everybody else but I will do it later. Love you all, see you later.

Play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Again, it's me Play, I had to take a Time Out because I was so upset about what is going on with Mimi, I just don't understand how loving partners can treat their spouses that way and make them feel like total failures and losers I'm not trying to tell Mimi to leave her husband but just that sometimes we need time without feeling so pressured to be able to deal with our own issues without having to deal with someone elses issues.

Hey Dizz, I'm kind of wondering where all the good easy times are with your BF, seems like it is mostly difficult unfun hard times, thinking it might not be that great in the long run. After two difficult marriages and a nightmare boyfriend I decided that I could only date someone if they had a peaceful easy feeling.

Struggles, I probably don't know all your history but did you work your way up to abstinence while taking Topa or just stop drinking at the same time you started Topa? I was just reading about how bad your cravings are and was thinking that the Topa might ease them up while you are still drinking at first, just a thought.

Sun, I haven't actually used the pain patch, I've been too lazy to go buy one, but our patients love it, I now know what I did to my back, I tripped over my suitcase two days ago at my Aunts house in Wichita and fell down on her hard tile floor on my knee and left elbow and it is the left side of my low back that is hurting, so duh, guess that's the reason, I should try the pain patch, think I will get one tomorrow.

And well, Of Course This Is Group Therapy, that's what we are all doing here, LOL.

Rainy, where are you, wish you would come and play.

Sun, I'm just like you about trying to find ways to not hurt even bugs. Today I was sitting on the patio with my mom and I saw a mosquito on her sleeve and I didn't want to tell her because I knew she would slap it and kill it but on the other hand I knew it was biting her, oh my, it was just a mosquito, but I am afraid I might come back as a bug if I kill one, so I finally reached over and just shooed it away, but the other day I swatted a fly before I thought about it, and I felt really bad, because I don't like to kill anything that is alive, I don't eat meat either. I have to figure out how to make up for that fly:upset:

bye for now, love to all.
play

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG - Mimi & Struggles:

So much to say, but it's late where I am and I've had 4 glasses of wine...SOOOOOOOO sorry for your spouses not being supportive of anything you are doing. I will comment more later, but I have been there myself. My ex was an asshole and very close-minded all the way around. UGH - so glad I am divorced!! It took some expensive shit on my part...getting divorced is not easy. But either you work your stuff out or you leave an unhappy situation.

Mostly, we leave. Figure out what an acceptable alternative is for you if that's not possible. OMG - best of luck!! Wishing you the very best in this difficult time.

I feel like I'm offering a band-aid, so more later!
XO

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - just got in from work. Am drinking a kahlua and milk. didn't want Guinness -the Topa is sort of working. Mimi - I am sorry I gave the advice I did - I obviously don't understand your husband. I think Play gave excellent advice. Can you get away for a while? Just take a break from the whole situation. Let hubs be without you for a little while. I really think that Play said some excellent stuff. Oh - we have a spare room by the way.....

Play - you also said some really good stuff to Diz about HER situation with her b'f too - about where are the good times..... gosh - you are on form tonight aren't you?

And yes - Struggles - I carried on drinking when I first started topa - the only thing with you Struggles is that I know that you drink a lot, and I also know that you want to cut way down, so I do understand why you have done what you have done. I know that with you, it is probably all or nothing, so for you, this might be the better way to go - can you just have half of what you usually drink? If not, well, you know you best, and I know what is going on right now (sorry to be so enigmatic everyone else) so if you can manage this, then go for it....... lorry loads of love and hugs my dear :l:l Oh - just as an afterthought - you might want to try caffeine free diet coke or your sleeping trobles are going to be even worse than they would be with you quitting AL. I am off tomorrow - you have my number - call me if you need to.....

Play - you are better than me not even slapping at the mosquito - I would have done. No, I won't come back as one - but I might get something back for slapping at it, in some way, shape or form!! I did slap at a fly one night a long time ago with a magazine, when i was in bed, - didn't see if I got it or not, and during the night, drank out of the glass of water that was by my bed. In the morning, picked up the glass of water and yep - there in the glass, was the dead fly !!!! It ALWAYS comes back - somehow !!!

I am sorry you hurt your back - that must have also hurt your knee and elbow but of course ended up moving to your back - don't you hate getting older??

Hi Houtx - good to see you again - hope you can post more later but nice that you popped in.

I need to get to bed. I have a day off tomorrow 'cos I worked this past Sunday - it will be nice being off on a friday...... I might just get out in the garden for a change. i think there might be a few weeds calling my name - LOL.

Love and hugs, sun XX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone

Not much news, just starting an article and cleaning house today. Oh and I died my hair dark brown. Its a mousy kind of brown but I always add highlights or lowlights. The last hairdresser however was a bit too liberal with the blonde and I secretly hated it as I don't want to be blonde. And you know us women, we usually change our hair when we go through change.

My brother was funny, instead of commenting on the look he kept commenting on how nice it smelled. "Ooh, your hair smells of cherries." "I'm so glad they finally got rid of that awful chemical smell." "Is that cherries I smell?" etc. I finally had to punch him on the arm and tell him that I didnt dye my hair for the chemical cherry smell but for the colour and he simply said. "Hmmm well, its OK. I like the smell more" LOL.

Sun, yes it is really getting to be Winter here but I'm used to being in opposite seasons as I lived in London while my friends and family was down here and I have the long distance relationship thing. Its just a bit annoying as you can never complain about the cold to someone who is in sweltering heat. South Africa is a big country and Cape Town's weather is a bit like the wine valley's - subtropical. We get hot summers between 20-40 degrees and Winters are cool and wet but rarely below 0 celcius. It would be more than that if it wasnt for the surrounding mountains that sometimes get snow.

Anyway, Mimi, I take it you took some advice and spoke to your husband and it didn't go according to plan. I'm not making this about me but I just have to add that I am actually drawing quite a few comparisons between your relationship with your husband and my relationship with my boyfriend. The stubbornness, the money, the lack of compromise.

Back to you. I could tell for a while now that you are not happy and as women we tend to first blame ourselves. Remember you went through a lot of traumatic experiences before you even started drinking and your husband was definitely not innocent in this. So for him to call you weak is ridiculous. I don't know the whole story but if I have to fill in the blanks I'm guessing you were trying to discuss your feelings with him and if he is anything like my bf, instead of listening to you, he immediately went into attack mode and shot your down. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I think going away will do you good and I'm definitely not telling you to leave your husband or telling you what to do but the fact that he is so unwilling to compromise makes me really worry about how you will find true future happiness with him. Yes, holidays in Hawaii is nice, but so is walking on just any old beach with someone who loves you completely for who you are.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Go away for a while to show him that you are serious about making a change in your life. Oh and mimi, perhaps you should consider taking Antabuse as well? Just for a month or so. You are going to go through a very rough time one way or another and I think Antabuse will boost your resolve to never drink again, even if something major happens. Its your choice but thats what I wouldve done. :l Hang in there, love, we are here for you.

Play, I had to giggle at that Trapeze thing as I kept thinking about a hospital patient being a Trapeze artist. :H It does smack a bit of irony, no?

And yeah, you are on a roll with the advice. I don't know where the good times are. My bf doesn't think that he can forgive me.

Space, I'm glad about the reassurance about the gardening, I hope your doc can help you soon. I have an ebook called The Pain Free program about exercises that build up your back muscles if you are interested?

I have to run as my mom is coming to pick up some stuff and the place is a mess.

Chat again later.

XOX

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,

Just wanted to check in and let you know I haven't checked out....

I woke up so depressed and feel as if I don't know how to go forward.

dizzy- yes that does sound like my husband. Generous to a fault. Provides everything I ever wanted (however, always on his terms)

Here's an example: I came home from Palm Springs and had a new 5th wheel. Now mind you, I appreciate having a new 5th wheel BUT1. I didn't even know he was thinking of getting a new on 2. wouldn't it have been fun going 5th wheel shopping together? 3. I can spend whatever money I want but we never work together to buy things or discuss what should be spent on certain things.

I know this sounds ungrateful and i feel guilty about that but it would be so nice to do some things together.

DizzyIf this sounds like your boyfriend I would suggest running the other way, fast. Yes, I have been married a lot of years but they have been lonely years.

Separating from him isn't an option right now unless I got an apartment in the town I live in.

I will do some research on the antabuse.