New here and starting Topa and with a question

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey guys

I have a cold and I'm actually in a hole here. I wrote something last night but I deleted it. Sorry Houtx, must kill you to know I do it on purpose...

Group therapy can hurt but I like the way that we are doing it. I like the way that we are honest yet not overbearing. Asking each other to challenge and ask questions instead of forcing opinions down ones throats.

I mean some therapists don't even talk but that just kills me :durn: but I think the best way of therapy is to guide the person to come to their own conclusions. Thats why sometimes when someone says something I listen, I respond and then I relate. Thats not to say I am now changing the subject because my stuff is more important than your stuff. Its because we are still talking about the same thing.

Same with you, Space, and all the rest.

And to be honest whether we are talking about lost posts, roosters or daughters there is bound to be some memory to come up with.

Sun, why do you think your one daughter is so stubborn? Or why is it you think you get along well with the other one?

I know I don't get along with my dad as we are both alike and we are both stubborn but you don't strike me as the stubborn type. I have read somewhere however that we often struggle the most to get along with the child that takes after us the most?

I'm also sorry Space about your daughter. Could the two of you please remind me again of how many daughters you have? I will have to start making notes I know that Sun has two older daughters and I know Space has an older daughter and sun and a younger sun but I may be missing out on someone here.

Sometimes I wish we could draw family trees but other times I think its better as it is because you don't want to make it too easy for people to 'track you down.'

I'm not too phased about anonymity but I have had some weird PM's from people on here who I have never spoken to on a thread before. Its like they know all about me and its a little disconcerting.

On days like this I'm glad I don't have children. Its tough enough looking after me. But then we are still doing tests with the PCOS to determine whether I can have children at all which hurts. About a year ago I started dreaming of having a little girl, had a name picked and everything and when I picked up things with my boyfriend he said that although he didn't think he wanted kids he wanted to have this little girl with me. Now, of course we're not stupid and we know it could've been a boy or that we would've had to adopt but it was a nice dream.

But now that things aren't fully resolved it feels like I'm going through this PCOS journey alone and that even if I can have this fictitious little girl, I don't want to anymore because life is just too cruel. And that even if I do change my mind and if it turns out I can, I do not want to have her with this person who has shown me that he doesn't fully understand what unconditional love is.

Sorry, didn't mean to make it about me, and Play and the rest please feel to jump in with your daughter&/mother issues.

I'm really glad you thought of the sharing club Play and although I really don't want to take over, I have a suggestion. If we're going to share, it probably means we have to get over the worries of anonymity, so it means that only the people willing to share their real names and addresses will be in on it. Also, I think it would probably be nice if we could keep it small and to just us for now. So how about those of use who want to be in the club PM you our email addresses and then you can send out a group email in a few days time with the titles of stuff you have?
r />Then Sunny or I could follow up with ours etc. And of course don't worry about having to have stuff Space. It will be a nice way to keep the list private and have a list of the titles all in one place. Anyway, its just an idea, otherwise I'll be happy to do it any which way you want to, I just need about a week to find my stuff, its so scattered across my computer, laptop, external drive and flash drive. It will take about 2 weeks for mail from me to you or you to me anyway but perhaps it will be nice to have it spread out a bit.

I ordered the Rhodiola stupidly thinking its next day delivery as its via courier but they sent me an email to expect anything between 4-5 WORKING DAYS. Bafoons.

Let me go rest. I do like ebooks but also belong to this book exchange store as I believe in everything reuse, reduce, recycle (especially the first two) So I took in 8 books and came home with 7 and only paid R230! Thats what we normally pay for one book - bargain. Its a pity postage would make these a bit silly for the sharing club as they are all on health, let food be thy medicine etc. Oh and I also got an Insight Guide to London and the follow up book to Eat Pray Love.

Cheery bye, I feel better after my stupid crying session, lets hope that Rhodiola gets here soon to take that damn edge off. (but somehow I think Sunny has a better chance of retrieving the best post EVER)

Love and hugs to all.

:h

PS: And yes Wildflowers I will send you lots of wild honey and there is enough of my friends to ensure that Winnie the pooh will never be able to eat it all. So do come visit, I think you too will like our little sharing club.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

My L Glut arrived and I have taken some, the thing is that I keep on wanting a lager today, this hasnt been happening where I really want a drink in the daytime and have to actively not drink. Its nothing to do with the L glut I felt like this before and after taking it, it just had no effect at all. I know Ive got 2 cans in and have been worrying about that, maybe thats whats doing it, I am telling myself I can only have those 2 tonight, bloody hell thats not hard whats up with me. I feel so stupid for even wanting the lager at all sometimes. Thats how I feel now, like Im failing.

Diz, I am glad that when I had my kids I didnt think about it, I just didnt bother using contracteption and they happened, it has been hard bringing them up without a responsible partner. I feel for you and your wanting a daughter I really do, I dont know what else to say to you about it.
I hate therapy, they therapist either just sits there and says nothing or says things like "and how does that make you feel", or in groups will pick on someone and really push them and wind them up and thn start going on about their anger issues or aviodance problems. I have never had a successful therapy session I dont think I have just come out of it way more messed up than when I went in. The worst was when I was in rehab and it was sessions everyday ARGG I could never go through that again. Although thatwas a 12 step rehab. When I was in the hospital treatment centre that was ok, we didnt do "issues", we did more informative and educational stuff, like what alcohol does to you, and planning lifestyle changes, it was in an NHS hospital and I would go back there tomorrow if I could, unfortunately due to this government we have and the cuts to the NHS they dont do it anymore.

my son has just come in so I wuill come back to you all in a bit xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Quick reply to one thing you said Diz - ironically enough I am so like the younger one it is amazing - we are both clones of each other - hate to hurt people, go out of our way to be nice, etc., which is why I find it so hard to understand the eldest - and yes, I just have the two daughters. She seems so cold at times and has no empathy for anyone. She takes after her dad! He is always saying I am too soft and too nice. but you know what? I would rather be the way I am than the way my eldest is. No, I am nothing like her at all - total opposite.

anyway - just got in and have to wake The Grump up, who was going to be a real sweetie and take my car in for it's oil change and is now saying he is tired and I can do it! I am off to the garden and am not going to do it - I would have made the appt for 7.30 this morning if I had have been!! Not 11.30!!

Back later, Hugs to all.......

Love, Sun XX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone, I have lots to share about children, Believe Me, and we all have some similiar stories, I'll be around later. For now:

Dizz: I think it's also the best idea to keep the sharing thing small just between the few of us who feel trusting enough of each other to share names, emails and addresses, and yes it does seem like the easiest way for us to have access to the lists of what we each have.

So, for now, I think we all know who we are, this just means the people that we are familiar with here, unlike the people that you have had PM you Dizz who you had no idea who they were, if you are interested, please PM me with your name and address and email address: I will send out a group email as Dizz suggested with a partial list of what I have for now and you can let me know what you would like off it. I will get them in the post ASAP. I'll be home on Sunday and add some stuff to the list.

love and much light to you all,
Play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Going to bed - having had the cyst on where my eyelashes grow from cut open is an invasive procedure and I do not do well with invasive procedures - all I want to do is sleep. I will be fine tomorrow....

sleep well all,

love, sun XX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Our Gang,
Houtx, sorry you lost your post. The one time that I lost a post was when I wrote the post straight away in the box at the bottom and rather than clicking on "post quick reply" I clicked on "post reply" in the upper left corner, the post was immediately gone and of course it brought up another more advanced box to do a post in.
Sometimes I use that box to post in and it has more options like all the different icons which are cute and you can see more of the thread as you are posting, but the whole thing is rather confusing, so there it is, I don't really know why some lose posts and others don't.

Sun, sometimes I am amazed that you stress over having two Guinnesses, that seems like fairly normal drinking? right? is it that it leads to more and more if you are just left to it day after day unchecked? or is it that you just feel that you want to totally quit no matter what?

And yes, the thing with children and bringing them up and all and yes they really can have such different personalities. I guess I look back at how I was as a young person. I didn't have a good relationship with my parents and left home at an early age.

I have two girls from my first unhealthy marriage and a boy from my second unhealthy marriage and I ended both after I had enough.
Of course the kids were affected by all of this but we have all come together very strongly in the end.

I see that the older they get the more that I see that the upbringing that I tried to instill in them starts to show thru, so Sun and Space, perhaps that will happen with your kids too as they get a little older.

My daughters are 35, 34, and my son is 32, and even he is starting to finally be a productive member of the family, he is in nursing school now after a few years of not being able to find himself.

They are all wonderful kids at heart and sometimes I wonder if we don't always know what they are going thru in their own minds and hearts, although Space, I think it is pretty callous to tell your mother that you won't mow the grass or vacuum unless you pay her, Oh, that would make me rather furious!!!

Dizz, I'm feeling very sad about your feelings about wanting kids and not wanting kids. I agree it's an awful world to bring kids into, on the other hand, it's a wonderful experience if you get to do it, want to do it, or can do it, if not, then that's probably fine also.

My youngest daughter wants children so badly and just hasn't found anybody to settle down with yet, many prospects over the years but none of them have worked out, she is very depressed about it and feels that her years are running out for it.

And about staying anonymous, I sometimes look at the number of views that our thread has, like, 30,000 or something, compared to 2,500 posts, (example) and I think OMG, who are all those people that are reading everything that we are writing and not writing anything themselves? are they even members of MWO or just guests who are entertaining themselves, it is kind of strange when I see that.

And I think your idea about keeping it small, as I said, is perfect.

Dizz, yes, I like our way of doing group therapy, and we really are doing it, we don't need a therapist to be our leader, we are our own leaders, we are doing just fine.

Space, I'm like you, when I had my kids, they just happened, if I had planned for it there probably never would have been a right time, I know there would never have been the right amount of money because that husband could never hold a job, I was the only one ever working, I knew I wanted children and I just let it happen.

I was young, if I was older maybe I would have not just let it happen, or maybe I would have, who knows, but it was easier that way, but I was not so smart in alot of ways also, but my children are certainly the best things that have come out of my life and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Sun, I'm sure sorry that you had to have a shot that hurt to keep the incision from hurting when they took the cyst off your eye.

love and light and sleep tight
play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there

Play, did you get the names yet?

I try not to worry about people who read here. The thing is we can't go private as I think having this public is part of the reason it works. So I'd like to think of the couple of people who have dropped in to say that this thread has helped them choose a med or stop drinking and not think about the possibility that there may be trolls under the bridge.

I used to think its a bit strange that Sun worries about the Guinness but then I realise that (in my opinion) I think she wants to be able to crack open a Guinness at a party, not feel compelled to have those two even though she is on her own or don't particularly 'feel' like it otherwise. I think with modding its trying to overcome the 'need,' we want to not think about alcohol, the way normies do.

Since taking Topamax I rarely think about drinking but I do still feel uncomfortable when I'm around normal people who drink normally. You know the type who just have one glass and you can see them enjoying it and sometimes even leaving 1/4 of it behind. I'd donate a kidney to be one of those people (ok maybe not) but herein lies the big problem, I'm not sure if we can be. Modding on Topamax *is* possible but it is IMO a lot harder than abstaining. I'm not saying I'm right and others are wrong, I did try to drink that weekend and to be honest I felt very bad psychologically.

Topamax changed my brain chemistry for the good but it doesn't like it when I drink, it makes drinking not fun and it makes the hangovers much more worse, as in increased anxiety, feelings of panic. I may still try having a drink every once in a while but regular modding and certainly binge drinking is off the table for me, unless I want to head off to the psychiatric hospital.

I will only have kids if its the right thing to do, not because I want to have someone to love me. With my warped brain chemistry it may even be a better idea to wait until 40 and then adopt a child but to be honest I don't really want to talk about that right now. I will again in future, just not now.

I hope you are feeling better Sunny :l I had lasic eye surgery and eyes heal quite quickly but those kind of things are never nice. And sorry to hear your husband was a grump!

I think relationships between moms and daughters are probably one of the most difficult as we tend to analyse and feel so much. So is the older one like that with anyone or does she have any particular grief with you? I used to have times when I would act out in passive aggressive ways towards my mom as I felt she was so 'nicey nicey' and that I would never be able to compete with that. So secretly I wanted to be like her but as I took after my dad I had more attitude and assertiveness. The Topamax actually took away a lot of the bad depression and anger I had, so now I can relate to my mom a lot more, in terms of her positive attributes.

Of course I'm not saying your daughter should take Topa. :H I'm just saying perhaps you could learn something from my experience. Do you think she likes being the way she is or that she secretly wishes she was more like you and your other daughter? Is she happy otherwise or do you think she could actually benefit from an AD? Anyway, I have a lovely story about a cat, I'm going to post it here, its about keeping on loving people for who they are, even if its damn difficult!

Space, I might have well have written what you said about the rehab and therapy. Except for the NHS hospital as I havent had that. Urgh I hated rehab therapy, we had about 3-6 group therapy sessions per DAY and I abhorred my counsellor. He was just like my dad and he knew my dad and the fact that I have issues with God and the 12 step programme was my biggest issues and still he pressed on and tried to dominate me. I kept calling him the evil little gnome behind his back and he knew I hated him, so he always pressed me in group, God, I'm glad thats all over.

Try keep taking the L-glut and see if it makes a difference on the cravings, OK? And try to be kind to yourself today. :l I think you take on so much responsibility in your family and as a woman and a mother you probably don't have a choice, but look after Space first. Anxiety breeds anxiety and then feeling guilty builds upon that.... so yesterday's decision for me to just take an easy day actually made me feel a whole lot better.

Jeez, for someone who came here to say I don't have time and I have nothing to say....

WTE, where are you my lady?

Mimi, please come back?

Houtx, Hippy, Struggles, and the rest of you - shall I send out my little bee friends with their honey to search for you too? I promise I won't let Sunny's avatar eat the honey?

:h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay - really cross - hit submit and it tried submitting it then it went to Internet explorer cannot display this page and yes- I had lost it. tried going back but it had gone. Sorry all - but have to go to work now. Gosh darn it. And I hadn't saved it. first time that particular thing has happened. Bother !!!!

love and hugs to all - so sorry!!

Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All!

A quick drive-by post. Fighting it all a bit here and I am not sure why! I was doing so DAMN good! Not that I am on some awful roll, but I?m struggling for sure.

I think with the less drinking comes a bit more clarity for me with everything ? work mostly and my shop. And I look around and go ?Good GRIEF? I have let a bit go and all of this needs to get really sorted out and back on track!? Which of course puts nothing but pressure on myself and I suppose a touch of shame and then the work of having to ?reel back in? employees that have gotten into lazy/poor habits because I have not been on top of things.

So that?s where I have been. Flipping working! HA! And with that finding myself back closer to 4 glasses of wine a day rather than my 2-3. DANG! And forgot my Topa again the other night. And have now lost a full 20 pounds and people are starting to ask me about it. UGH. So trying hard to get back on track but it?s so hard!

I?m at 50/100 now and what little time I have off and great plans for that time ? I am back to Velcro/Sofa Girl HA! It will pass. Still taking my L-Glut although not as much as I should and skipping my All-One too often in my rush out the door these days. *sigh*

The ?wicked one? at the shop has turned into a sweetie-pie again. *whew* Everyone knows I mean business now! As for ?Buddy? ? he can kiss my Chalky White Arse! HA! HA! I have not spoken to him and while he has dropped a few emails with just stuff about our pups and nothing important or personal ? I have not responded, nor intend to. I just simply need him off my mind right now and am actually getting quite used to the idea. Whatever ?

The good/bad thing is that Charlie goes for his surgery at 730 AM tomorrow. I will drop him off and then head to the shop. The said he will be one of the first. So as soon as he is able to walk up and then back down his ramp once home, I will go and get him. Then home the rest of the day and then home through Monday ? which is a holiday here and we are closed. So hopefully I will have some time and space to gather it all back together, rest up, work in my poor garden and be ready to hit it again come Tuesday. Try to plan some proper meals for the weekend and upcoming week and get some damn weight back on.

Sun ? The daughter thing. Funny, there were 3 girls in my family. My older sister and I sound like your youngest. My lil? sister is the brat. We used to joke about how ?she will grow out of it (she is 5 years younger than me) but it is just who she is. My Mom raised us all the same as a single Mom ? and yet she is just so different to this day. It must be frustrating, as it was to my Mom, but they will be who they are and as much as you may think you dictate it all ?you really don?t. So go easy on yourself luv.

Space ? Hope you are doing OK. I?ve been reading posts about your ups and downs and can relate. Tough stuff and sorry for not popping in with words sooner. They are right .. take care of Space right now ?.

Dizz . Oh my, so much to catch up with you ? ya busy bee! HA! Lots on your plate and mind . Thank you always for your words of wisdom as well. I will try to catch up with you more soon!

Play ? Don?t forget about me! LOL I may not have much to share, but I have a bit of Dyer on CD I can burn.

Sorry to dash so fast ? will try to be here more.

Love & Hugs to all and to those I missed!

WTE

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry Im just dashing through again but have to say WTE you definitely sound like a woman not to be messed with.

Love and :ls to you all

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Again, Hi Wte, no worries, you are not forgotten, send me your name & address to be added to the "sharing club", I'm sending out a group Email to the few of us so far, Dizz, Space, Sun, and you, with a list of what I have so far and I have some stuff ready to send to Sun and Space already. I will have more when I get home on Sunday.

Dizz, yes, I got yours, Space and Suns info. Sending out an email in a few minutes.

love,
play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

The Cat

Taken from my favourite book: The Summer Book. Based on an island in the Gulf of Finland. Sophia?s 6 but wise for her age and grandmother is ancient and incredibly smart. It?s about how we sometimes can?t choose who we love.

---

It was a tiny little kitten when it came and could drink its milk only from a nipple. Fortunately, they still had Sophia's baby bottle in the attic. In the beginning, the kitten slept in a tea-cosy to keep warm, but when it found its legs they let it sleep in the cottage in Sophia's bed. It had its own pillow, next to hers.

It was a fisherman's cat and it grew fast. One day, it left the cottage and moved into the house, where it spent its nights under the bed in the box where they kept the dirty dishes. It had odd ideas of its own even then. Sophia carried the cat back to the cottage and tried as hard as she could to ingratiate herself, but the more love she gave it, the quicker it fled back the dish box. When the box got too full the cat would howl and someone would have to wash the dishes. Its name was Mopsy.

"It?s funny about love," Sophia said. "The more you love someone, the less he likes you back."

"That?s very true", Grandmother observed. "And so what do you do?"

"You go on loving," said Sophia threateningly.
Her grandmother sighed and said nothing.

Mopsy was carried around to all the pleasant places a cat might like, but he only glanced at them and walked away. He was flattened with hugs, endured them politely and climbed back into the dish box. He was entrusted with burning secrets and merely averted his gaze. Nothing in the world seemed to interest this cat but food and sleep.

"You know," Sophia said, "sometimes I think I hate him. I don't have the strength to go on loving him but I think about him all the time!"

Week after week, Sophia pursued the cat. She spoke softly and gave him comfort and understanding, and only a couple of times did she lose her patience and yell at him, or pull his tail. At such times Mopsy would hiss and run under the house, and afterwards his appetite was better and he slept even longer than usual, curled up in unapproachable softness with one paw daintily across his nose.

Sophia stopped playing and started having nightmares. She couldn?t think about anything but this cat who refused to be affectionate. Meanwhile Mopsy grew into a lean and wild animal, and one June night he didn?t come back to his dish box. In the morning, he walked into the house and stretched - front legs first, with his rear end up in the air - then he closed his eyes and sharpened his claws on the rocking chair, after which he jumped up on the bed and went to sleep. The cat's whole being radiated calm superiority.

He?s started hunting, Grandmother thought. She was right. The very next morning, the cat came in and placed a small dusky yellow bird on the doorstep. Its neck had been deftly broken with one bite, and some bright red drops of blood lay prettily on the shiny coat of feathers. Sophia turned pale and stared fixedly at the murdered bird. She sidled past Mopsy, the murderer, with small forced steps and then turned and rushed out.

Later, Grandmother remarked on the curious fact that wild animals, cats for example, cannot understand the difference between a rat and a bird.

"Then they're dumb!" said Sophia curtly. "Rats are hideous and birds are nice. I don't think I'll talk to Mopsy for three days." And she stopped talking to her cat.

Every night, the cat went back into the woods, and every morning it killed its prey and carried it into the house to be admired, and every morning the bird was thrown into the sea. A little while later, Sophia would appear outside the window and shout, "Can I come in? Have you taken out the body?" She punished Mopsy and increased her own pain by means of terrible coarseness. "Have you cleaned up the blood?" she would yell, or, "How many murdered today?" And breakfast was no longer what it had once been.

It was a great relief when Mopsy finally learned to conceal his crimes. It is one thing to see a pool of blood and quite another thing to only know about it. Mopsy probably grew tired of all the screaming and fussing, and perhaps he thought the family ate his birds. One morning when Grandmother was taking her first cigarette on the veranda, she dropped her cigarette holder and it rolled through a crack in the floor. She managed to raise one of the planks, and there was Mopsy's handiwork - a row of small bird skeletons, all picked clean. Of course she knew that the cat had continued to hunt, and could not have stopped, but the next time he rubbed against her leg as he passed, she drew away and whispered, "You sly bastard." The cat dish stood untouched by the steps, and attracted flies.

"You know what?" Sophia said. "I wish Mopsy had never been born. Or else that IVE never been born. That would've been better."

"So, you're still not speaking to each other?" Grandmother asked.
"Not a word, Sophia said. "I don't know what to do. And what if I do forgive him - what fun is that when he doesn't even care?? Grandmother couldn?t think of anything to say.

Mopsy turned wild and rarely came into the house. He was the same colour as the island - a light yellowish grey with striped shadings like granite, or like sunlight on a sand bottom. When he slipped across the meadow by the beach, his progress was like a stroke of wind through the grass. He would watch for hours in the thicket, a motionless silhouette, two pointed ears against the sunset, and then suddenly vanish... and some bird would chirp, just once. He would slink under the creeping pines, soaked by the rain and lean as a streak, and he would wash himself voluptuously when the sun came out.

He was an absolutely happy cat, but he didn't share anything with anyone. On hot days, he would roll on the smooth rock, and sometimes he would eat grass and calmly vomit his own hair the way cats do. And what he did between times no one knew.

One Saturday, the Overgards came for coffee. Sophia went down to look at their boat. It was big, full of bags and jerry cans and baskets, and in one of the baskets a cat was meowing. Sophia lifted the lid and the cat licked her hand. It was a big white cat with a broad face. It kept right on purring when she picked it up and carried it ashore.

"So you found the cat," said Anna Overgard. "It's a nice cat but it's not a mouser, so we thought we'd give it to some friends."

Sophia sat on the bed with the heavy cat on her lap. It never stopped purring. It was soft and warm and submissive.

They struck a bargain easily, with a bottle of rum to close the deal. Mopsy was captured and never knew what was happening until the Overgards boat was on its way to town.

The new cat's name was Fluff. It ate fish and liked to be petted. It moved into Sophia's cottage and slept every night in her arms, and every morning it came in to breakfast and slept some more in the bed beside the stove. If the sun was shining, it would roll on the warm granite.

"Not there!" Sophia yelled. That's Mopsy's place!" She carried the cat a little farther off, and it licked her on the nose and rolled obediently in the new spot.

The summer grew prettier and prettier, a long series of calm blue summer days. Every night, Fluff slept against Sophia's cheek.

"Its funny about me," Sophia said. "I think nice weather gets to be boring."

"Do you?" her grandmother said. "Then you're just like your grandfather, he liked storms too." But before she could say anything else about Grandfather, Sophia was gone.

And gradually the wind came up, sometime during the night, and by morning there was a regular south-western spitting foam all over the rocks.

"Wake up?, Sophia whispered. "Wake up, kitty, precious, there's a storm."

Fluff purred and stretched its warm sleepy legs in all directions. The sheet was covered with cat hair.

"Get up!" Sophia shouted. "It?s a storm!" but the cat just turned over on its broad stomach. And suddenly Sophia was furious. She kicked open the door and threw the cat out in the wind and watched how it laid its ears back, and screamed. "Hunt! Do something! Be like a cat!" And then she started to cry and ran to the guest room and banged on the door.

"What's wrong now?" Grandmother said.
"I want Mopsy back!" Sophia screamed.
"But you know how it'll be," Grandmother said.

"It'll be awful," said Sophia gravely. "But it's Mopsy I love."

And so they exchanged cats again.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay everyone - I am home from work and plan posting the post that I wrote this morning - again. this time before I submit it I shall copy it so I can 'paste' if necessary!

I felt much better after a good nights sleep - was in bed and sleep very early - I have always needed to sleep after anything that is done to me slightly invasive - even dental work with needles - I suppose it is my body's way of dealing with the shock to my old body!!

Going way out of order that I did this morning (not that you all know that), I could never do group therapy - Diz, I don't know how you did it - although of course, being in rehab, I don't suppose you had any option. I have had therapy - but that was for depression 16 years ago - with a wonderful therapist who was into all of the stuff that I believe in and we sorted out all my 'mum' stuff - which is how I forgave her and am fine with her now and the fact that we now have a great realtionship now. I wish she did AL too - but she has retired and moved away. I often wonder if I could find someone who DID do AL if it would help me. We did the inner child thing and it was quite amazing - she had me meditate and I found my mini-me as I called her - she was such a sad frightened little soul. Gosh - it is bringing tears to my eyes as I think of it now. The whole thing was incredible as we worked through it..... I am SUCH a different person now. And love me for it.

Diz - I have two daughters, one is 30 this week and the other is 26. The 26 years old would love to have children (going forward to another post) but worries that she will never meet anyone. it is so hard these days to meet anyone. I told her I didn't meet her dad until I was 28. Had my eldest at 29. No - 30, no 29.... - whatever .... 1 and a half years after we got married. LOL. She has been thinking about adopting an older child when she is around 30. OH - update on the daughter thing - had an e-mail from her saying I was right about the MIL and she had behaved badly and that she was cross - WITH ME - and was taking it out on MIL - she is upset 'cos I don't seem to want to see her - whole nother story - I have to now reply to her e-mail and that will take some prayers before I reply as to what to write...... and to hope I write the right thing.

Back - an hour later - youngest called in tears - she has lost her debit card and her driving license - long story - but we can't find them - oh gosh - don't you wish you could jist take their hurt away and make it all better...?????

Space - you can take 3-4 doses of the L-Glut in a day....... maybe I should take a dose right now......LOL I have just poured Guinness # 3. Although this will be it - I can feel it. i think this morning I wrote about why I worry about 2 or 3 being a problem for me. It is because it leads to more - plus the fact that 2 or 3 A DAY is NOT normal for a normal person. Plus I would love to have some AF days when i don't even think about AL.......SIGH......

Re the anonymity issue - yes, I too look at the amount of folk reading our thread and balk! Hopefully they are MWO readers - so I then choose to do my ostrich thing and not worry about it. I doubt that anyone would know who I am.... and if they do, for them to be reading this thread, this forum, they must have issues of their own with AL anyway - right? Right!

am 'copying' this every few paraghraphs!!

Thanks for the e-mail Play - I will read it properly later and then go through what I have and send out what I have to you all too. I still have to go to i-Tunes and find that magic button that says "sun here is where you burn CD's". Seriously - I will go and work out how to do it. This morning I said that tonight I had to hill my spuds again and also iron. I didn't stop and get dirt and haven't even given the ironing a thought - as long as I have clothes for tomorrow I won't worry about the ironing. Would any of you like Wayne Dyer books on CD? I have some of those?

Play - your post about as the children get older that the upbringing they had gets instilled in them comes out made me laugh - mine seems to be going backwards seeing as she is 30 this week! LOL

Diz - it is funny that you said maybe the eldest wants to be more like me - maybe???? From what she has just said in her e-mail, maybe!!!! No, she isn't happy - and she is on an AD. It has helped her somewhat but she does have a probem with life in general and I do feel for her in that respect. But I can't live her life for her and she has to learn for herself that what she puts out she gets back. She isn't a happy camper at all.....

WTE - sorry that your drinking has gone back up again - been there, done that - so sad..... Love the Velcro/sofa girl image - IF I could, trust me, I would!!! But you have had your hands full with work - and been so busy so cut yourself some slack eh??? Plus you have your worries about charlie, so ease up and try not to worry - it is an improvment over what you were drinking. Just don't go up any more okay? I totally understand the skipping the all-One and the L-Glut - did both of those things today - had one person not show today and another have to leave two hours early from one shift and another leave three hours early from another so it left us really short handed so I was trying to fill in all over the place which didn't leave much time for things like trying to remember to drink my mucky drink or take my L-glut!! And I am know that when you are busy it is much the same. I was lucky even to remember to go to the loo today!!!!

Re the daughter thing - although I have already touched on this a few times in this post (I am going through all the posts), I am not really letting it upset me any more - I know my daughter and I know that she knows which buttons to push to upset me. the awful thing is that I also know that she is terribly coniving and can be sweet as anything and let you think she is being nice when really she isn't. I am onto her. I was upset - but FOR her grandma. Yes, it is incredible how children with the same upbringing can be so different.

I will have Charlie in my prayers tomorrow morning - can you bring him home tomorrow?

I am sorry if I haven't replied to someone/something - but I started this post two hours ago!!! I must go and get on with stuff..... cannot believe it is almost 7.30 already!! I need to get going......

Will get my stuff to share list ready in the next day or two......

Love and hugs to all,
love Sun XXXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Dizz, I know the feeling of that story, the more you love the guy the more he treats you like shit, and I kept being drawn to that kind of guy and letting myself be treated like that but I finally did get tired of it, at least that is my take on the story, I hope Sophia doesn't spend her whole life fixated on Mopsy

Anyway, hope you guys got the email ok, I had a heck of a time getting the address right, but I did have fun doing it.

play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Play, I wanted to write a note saying that the little analogy wasn't about my boyfriend and I but at that time I was snuggled so deeply up in bed with my hot water bottle that nothing could lure me out. Our cottage is very rustic and was meant as a cooking school so the open plan lounge/kitchen has no ceiling or insulation (it has a roof...) and we don't have any proper heating. I keep meaning to do something about it but truth be told I love snuggling in bed with a hot water and a book on Winters nights.

Speaking of snuggling. Bf, really need to find him a nickname, my nickname for him is cuddle monkey or just monkey :laughmonkey: but I don't think its appropriate here, even though he quite likes it. While he is like Mopsey out in the real world, all mr big shot business analyst, is very much like Fluff when he is at home with me. I have never met a guy who likes to cuddle and hold hands so much.

You see, in a way your comment was now a breakthrough for me. He sent me a pic of the flat he chose to live in last night and it made me cry as I hated the way it looked. Its all grey and big with no balconies, even if it is in Windsor. And I could hardly sleep as I didn't know what to say, would I lie and say I like it or would I tell him the truth and say I hate it? But I just sent him an email saying that I don't care about the flat as long as it has a very big cuddle couch and he reinstates his one hour minimum cuddle prescription for us per day. We have a year's backlog of cuddles to make up for and it's showing. :huggy

Of course you guys won't like him, you've only 'met' him at a time when our relationship hit a rocky patch. You were spared the 9 months of me being deliriously happy and in love for the SECOND time we got together.

We still haven't fully made up but remembering how good he is with cuddles was just a breakthrough with me. We've practically become strangers who put demands on each other in terms of love and commitment but we can't even cuddle, no wonder things are difficult.

I love him to bits. Everybody got their good and bad attributes. I like the fact that he's older and that he wants to romance me and that we can go for trips to Europe and go to the Opera and when he was here I took him to this fancy Vaudeville dinner. Around here the guys just want to drink beer and watch rugby.

It’s not about money though. I also love the fact that we can talk for 12 hours on skype, can laugh about stupid jokes, can have fun by just staying in and having toasted cheese sarmies and cofee too. He loves eating healthily and he cooks for me. And he reads!! Hell, how many men read these days, certainly hardly any my age...

My family loves him, I think my mom has a crush on him as he has this deep RP accent opera type voice. My dad is crazy about him and sometimes when they stand next to each other, I freak out a bit because they do have a lot in common... Same build, hair colour, built, both smoke, same kind of taste in music. Even the dog think he's the best thing since sliced bread.

He remembers when I tell him things and he goes out of his way to help me, even when I'm too stubborn to ask.

*OK, will stop going on and on now*

:h