New here and starting Topa and with a question

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE - sorry you feel you are going around in circles.

You feel like you have neglected your life and now that you are sober enough to want to catch up and then you feel stressed and therefore you drink more... I fully understand, I feel like I've stopped drinking to become healthy and now my symptoms are only making themselves fully known and I have to painstakingly take care of each and every one and it feels like its never enough, you know? Like, when is life going to cut me some slack? I've been a good girl and I've stopped, and you've been a good girl and you've cut down, can't we now just be rewarded with easy lives?

Perhaps you need to *make* a change? I believe in rituals in our lives. You are struggling to get over the 2-3 glasses thing and you feel yourself sliding back so perhaps you need to do something to symbolise the end of an era? Do you perhaps have a birthday or a mile stone coming up? You have some days off, if you don't think I'm talking utter crap, perhaps you can go for a drive to the ocean (the sea is great for rituals) or make a big bonfire (I regularly do this myself).

The last day at rehab we wrote down on a piece of paper all the reasons we drink. We then climbed up a high(ish) mountain peak and released the ashes. We then climbed down and swam in the ocean so as to clean ourselves of our old selves.

Yes, I told you the horrible bits of rehab, but this one also had a really big meditation/massage/crystal hippie vibe, which is why I went there. Those bits I loved.

Give Charlie a big hug from me, will say a little prayer for him. Remember to add your email to the list...

Play, oops, almost said your name, I have an idea. I have loads of self help books so perhaps we can choose one to work through together? A bit like a book club? The one I have in mind is Amazon.com: 365 Ways to Be Your Own Life Coach (9781845280581): David Lawrence Preston: Books of course its optional and everyone can go through it at their own pace but I *think* this one has a small daily section.



I'm a self help hoarder, too bad I don't read the stuff!!

Sun Glad you got all that off your chest. I definitely do think at times she wish she was more like you and sometimes she thinks you have it 'easy' and therefore it hurts. I think you are handling your girls really well and you have set some really good boundaries there - good for you!

Space - I'm just going to say hi for now, I did chat with you yesterday for quite a bit and

Right now I have to go as I feel like I have written 'War and Peace.' I don't blame you guys if you don't read these long posts. The up side is that for a writer who havent written anything creatively for 10 years I sure seem to be writing a lot lately.

And its filtering through into my professional life as I'm getting all these ideas for articles. Like I've told Sun before, God brings people across our path for a reason. So we should learn as much from each other as we can.

Love and hugs to you and a special shout out to our dear friend Mimi. :l

:h

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh for gods sake, is it this thread, I have just lost a big long post and dont have the energy to do it again. Sorry, I did go through to chat to everyone.

WTE I am thinking of you and Charlie this morning.x

I will have to get back later

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I think its the 'lost sunken treasure' syndrome. Its cursed! :H

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im really tired today, went to bed at 12 last night again, just sitting watching crap on iplayer, stupid me, I also think the lager is taking its toll on me, I really do want to cut down and get some AF nights in to help me feel better.

Im not really up to talking about my kids right now, my daughter is 25 and my sons are 23 and 12, but my daughter does sound very much like yours Sun, I love her so much but she can just be so hard to be with sometimes. My eldest son has problems of his own and rarely leaves the house.

Dizzy you sound so happy and in love I loved the extract of the book, I didnt think I would but just found myself engrossed in reading it.

I am hearing you WTE about the drinking creeping back up, thats whats been happening to me, 4 cans again last night, now I have set up this habit of drinking lager of an evening it seems like its going to be hard to change. Thats the problem, I know with me, and maybe you as well new bad habits seem to creep in so easily, whereas good ones slep away easily as well. I am going to take my L glut in a min, have been forgetting it and also not bothering with my green drink, I dont know whether these things actually stop me from drinking, but if they help me feel better then Im in with a better chance.

I have replied to your email Play but as I said I will wait until later to ask my son what to do with the download things. Its good that you have a good relationship with your daughters, and have the grandbaby My daughter and her partner have been trying for a baby for quite a while now but neither or them has yet seen the doctor about it. I know shes still young at 25 but these things take time and I wish they would get the ball rolling now to find out whats going on, not my business tho so I cant tell them what to do but I hate to see her upset about it.

I bought a self help workbook last month its called Sex, Drugs, Gambling and Chocolate, somone on MWO recommended it to me but I couldnt tell you what its really like as Ive only read the first couple of pages. I dont really think Im in the head place to start another one now, but if anyone has got that one I would be up for working through it with you

Im taking my auntie to visit again at the hospital this afternoon then its parents evening at the school Im so tired I just want to go back to bed but know my auntie and uncle are relying on me today so I need to go.

Take care everyone xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning everyone! Space - I know exactly how you feel about losing the post!! it is SO annoying - I have started 'saving' it every few paragraphs now! Having lost that other BEST POST EVER and then the one yesterday when I tried to submit it..

As usual, when i do an open - am in a rush - just wanted to say WTE am thinking of you and Charlie - love and hugs to both of you......:l:h

Back later,

love Sun XXX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you all for your good wishes for Charlie. We?ll be leaving here in just in just a bit over an hour to drop him off at 730. He?s to totally confused as to why he didn?t get his breakfast this morning. =( I had not feed him after 10 PM last night so gave him dinner at 630 and a second dinner at 930. HA!

The sun is just coming up so I?ll take him for a short walk in the hills before we go - anything to keep him out of the kitchen and looking at me with those eyes!

Yes Sun, he comes home late this afternoon. As soon as he is awake enough to be able to walk down his doggie ramp out of my Jeep. Sadly both of my two neighbors are gone today so I have no help to lift him down and into the house. It will be fine I am sure. I?m going to keep busy at the shop until it?s time to get him home ?

Thanks also for all the words of wisdom and my ?stall? and slip back happening, GRRR. Sooo frustrating as I feel like I just all of a sudden ran out of gas! But ? I REMAIN determined to get this thing back on track and will take whatever baby steps I need to that I was doing before to get there.

Dizz ? Loved your image of the ?why we drink? and the ashes in the sea. Funny ? I live on a hilltop and watch the sunset over the ocean every night.

And Diz, you sound hopelessly in romantic mode! HA! I do wish you all things wonderful with Monkey and that it all plays out to be what you want it to be. Only time will cross the barrier you have endured with the long distance between you ?.

Space, your brief comment on how I may be as a boss made me giggle. Very true I suppose. While I really am a softie at heart and treat my team really well, I have no patience for ?slackers? when it becomes a consistent thing. HA! It?s been good for them for me to be in the shop more of recent ? and to be honest, good for me as well. Makes me feel better about my shop, even if the long hours and extra work right now are hard. Sun, being in retail, I see you can relate!

And Space, like you, I am not positive how much the L-Glut an d All-One directly help with the drinking, but I do think they make us feel better and that translates into feeling stronger about not drinking. At least for me that connection feels it is there. Let?s make a deal to both try and do better on that front!

Sun, I hope your email to your daughter went with ease. So difficult to pen such words at times and have them come out with all you want to say in the right way. But I?m glad she wrote you and has at least acknowledged some of the errors of her ways (?)

Play, I will email you my address ?.

Houtx ? Where are you????

Where is everyone else the past few days ???
Well, off for our walk ? will check in later.

Hugs,
WTE

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok DIZZ, Now I'm hearing some that PEACEFUL, EASY, FEELING, stuff that needs to be there for a healthy relationship, I'm liking him a little better already, but he better behave or he will have to answer to US!!!

xoxox

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Of course Monkey (oh dear, this is going to stick, isnt it?) has good qualities. I'm not fully convinced yet but I'm not going to give up before I went over to see him either.

I'm usually the one to quit relationships and I feel I need to give one a longer shot otherwise my life will just be a series of 1-2 year relationships and how do you grow with that? I'm the world's biggest cynic when it comes to relationships and I'm trying to learn not to be.

Argh even though I have a cold and I feel awful, I know its going to start raining tomorrow so I did a huge load of washing and just as I was taking it out it fell on the floor.... And my brother sanded in the shed last night without vacuuming afterwards so now I have to wash it from start and then tumble dry it... He'll just have to clean up before I take it out again, I just don't have the energy to vacuum and dust the whole place in case anything falls on the floor again. :sigh:

I'm hoping we can find between us a self-help motivation book with inscriptions for each day of the year. That way one of us can buy the ebook and and share it with the rest and even if the rest of us is too lazy even if only one of us is up to reading the day's passage, they can paste it in here Only something short, to guide our thoughts, nothing hectic. Do any of you know of such a book perhaps?

I'll be back later, thinking of you and Charlie, WTE. I had a realy giggle when I heard about second dinner. Is he British by chance? LOL.

:l

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Apparently there are hundreds of day by day books:

Amazon.co.uk: day by day Mind, Body & Spirit

I gasped when I saw the first one but its by Hazeldon...I'm not too fond of them.

Here's it narrowed down a bit:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=sr_nr_...867927&rnid=61

Hmmm, I don't want something religious, I'll look a bit further.

:l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Gee it's dangerous to even go to sleep at night, so much happens around here, it's difficult to go to work, although I am at my mom's house still, but oh well, so, Dizz, I'm up early and reading back and reminded myself that you are completely abstaining on the Topa, could you remind me of what dose you are taking please. And yes, I totally get it that to be a normal drinker means that we do not think of drinking all the time, just like a normal person would not think of it, now at my dose I still think of it and I still drink the two glasses, I'm still not sure where I want to be, the thing I want most is to be totally rid of the damm cravings, they are not bad while i'm on Topa but come back when I'm off and that's why I see the med as a long term thing.

I really never worry about who is reading on here either, I just figure they need help and it helps them to read on this forum, they are too nervous to join or whatever. My only concern for myself is that it could affect my professional working life quite a bit if known and that's also why I buy meds online rather than go thru the establishment as well as the fact that I live in the US and could never get health insurance again for the rest of my life, but I don't have it now anyway but that's because I can't afford it.

WTE, so happy to see you, how did Charlie do and my take on the issue of we finally cut down or stop drinking and then have to face "Life" and when that realization came to me before when I did the Topa it was quite shocking to realize that I had been drinking all these years so that I would not Feel my Feelings, and now I was Feeling all the Pain, Fear, Grief, and Loneliness of my whole life, and now I finally have to just feel it and go on somehow.

Sun, glad you are feeling so much better after the eye thing, and OMG the Daughters, it never quite ends I guess with the kids, they never really grow up, kind of scary that some day they will be in charge of us, YIKESSSSSS.

Dizz, I believe strongly in rituals also and yes I would be interested in doing the self help book together if I can just find time to start, hahahaha, but seriously I'm going to give it a try. And I totally believe that the Universe send every "thing" and "person" into our lives for a reason, for us to learn from and with, and we certainly have those opportunities here with each other, how fortunate and blessed we are.

Space, god it takes alot of energy to write and then to lose it, and WTE, oh I know.

I wonder where Mimi is, and Rainy.

Space, you sound so tired, I'm sending you some CDs that will help, I am sure, all you have to do is lie back and relax and listen, no reading involved. I can imagine how tiring it is mentally and physically to be trying to help your Aunt and Uncle when you yourself are feeling so tired and are in such pain all the time, please remember that you are not alone.

Somehow I thought Charlie went for his surgery yesterday, but it looks like today, but with all the different time zones sometimes I just can't keep things straight, then in 2 1/2 weeks I will be in Spain and it will all be topsy-turvy for me again.

And yes Dizz, by all means, if you have a pattern of 1-2 year relationships, then you must try for a longer one so that it does not become a lifelong pattern, sometimes relationships just need time for people to really work things out when the potential is really there.

love to you all,
play

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ACK … I am sitting here tapping my toes and waiting to pick up Charlie! Now almost 4:00 PM my time, so things ran quite late.

For what I understand, all is good and well and he is still a bit groggy but coming out of it all. They kept him “under” much longer than expected. His one abscess I guess was about what they expected (I’ll know more when I get him and details), but a small mole on the top his head I had asked them to look at as well, since we were doing all of this concerned them – concerned them so they also removed that. It had gotten a bit larger recently.

And then I got a call soon after he was under and they were doing his teeth that they discover a badly cracked tooth. I know EXACTLY when he did it – shortly after I adopted him and he was dashing down a hill (with no brakes! HA!) and did a face plant onto the road. He lost one of his small teeth on the bottom and skinned up his chin pretty bad then. Come to find out, he had another broken tooth as well and so it could abscess and so X-rays and they removed that too.

Poor Charlie! One boo-boo has now turned into 3! Plus I know they will send him home with a cone head and the poor guy is not going to know what is going on. LOL I am just relieved it is all over and anxious to get him home now. Feeling so guilty that I stopped at the pet store to buy him some canned food (figuring his mouth may be too sore for his dry food) and ending up buying another $40 in doggie toys and crap. HA! And bought him a “blow up “ collar thing that may work to replace the Elizabethan Collar they will send him home with. We shall see .. they told me I can bring it back if it doesn’t work for him. $45.00 bucks! I can just see him in the shop Tuesday with a cone head and trying to walk around and crashing into things – so hard for them to even eat with those things on!

So that is my Charlie update so far …. He is only 20 minutes away but they won’t let me get him until 5:30. PPffttt ….. Funny to not have by my side when I am used to having him with me 24/7!

WTE

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Geez I just spent two hours typing posts lost them this place is annoying. I had one of them or part saved in e-mail. I kept trying to post saying I'm logged in & still won't let me post either. Opened 3 windows as well. WTF???? OK Houtx Lets just take a time out. Or now Sun & Space can join the party too! Yes the sunken treasure has been cursed DB.

I don't have more time to re-do. Part of what I was going to put on here is on the self hate thread that was started by LG. Geez I really opened up alot. I cried a bit. But I'm fine. I'm a tough cookie over all! Thank God for my Granny. She was a tough old bird.

As for the club or gang or what ever it's being named I think that it's spectacular for those who want to join. Wonderful!.... I still have too many trust issues to give my e-mail, address, real name. I'd have to be here for more then a few months. I had a bad Internet experience b4 that I won't talk about. Let alone things from my past. Plus I doubt I'd take the time to read books. The ones I have I'm just beginning to read now. Do Like Dwayers (Sp) stuff. Can't spell or type fast enuf now & wonder if this post will even make it. I do worry if new people will be put off, feel left out by a club ~ gang label. Seen this happen at this site other forums & in real life. Just a little thought.

As for all those views, I think they are a count of all time posts. Not just recent ones. Who cares.

Can relate to the daughter stuff & not daughter stuff too.

Sorry about your eye Sunny I hope your feeling better & you too Space! Your POS, DB the BF Oh..... Personally I'd given it some thought & was going to suggest that if u didn't go you'd always wonder why what might have been. I have other thoughts just out of time. That everyone is dysfunctional at some level that writing all the good & bad out may help. I just worry about his drinking & the names he calls you the most. Emotional abuse.

Not been feeling so great either. Played with my Topa dose. Had to go test the drinking waters. Five days b4 my 60 AF. It escalated over 10 days. Just like it has for WTE. Sorta similiar experience that DB had. On other thread, Hubby crap too (Mimi & Struggles). Just cause they won't go to therapy doesn't mean u can't. I mean forums, real life friends, self help books , cds are all great tools, but sometimes when problems are long lasting & run deep a pro is needed in my opinion. A good one!

Now I can't think anymore.

Except that I hope Charlie will be OK!!!! Yes, Mama spoil your baby with wet food & new toys he deserves it! That friend of yours. No I'm not going to say what I think. If I had $$$$ I'd fly to Houston & Houtx & I well.... that extra $1,000 he screwed u out of %)_))+ c^ *=:=

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hmmm,
Wildflowers, no one is forcing any club on anyone, it's just a way of sharing and helping those of us who want to do it, sorry it seems to bring you down so, hopefully no one will be so offended by it that they will avoid posting here. Sounds like you are having kind of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It seems clear to me that you are feeling really stressed and I do so feel for you, but even so, I think that we need to remember that just because we are the one doing the talking we are not the only one that is listening. I hope that you are feeling better after the yoga and deep breaths.

much love and light,
play

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Play, First I thought I said it was wonderful for those who wanted to participate & of course no one is being forced, that's not even possible! We all make our own choices & decisions! It's not bringing me down. I'm just stating how I perceived the word club & gang can sound exclusive. That doesn't mean anybody else will. I admit that I have trust & insecurity issues. Some of which are healthy. It's also possible that someone out there not posting & reading may feel that they won't be a part of the club.

I've felt very welcomed, supported, befriended by the regulars who post here. I'm appreciative & grateful. This includes you Play. If I did feel secure about breaking my anonymity I might join in. I feel cared for & included here.

Which brings me to what I was writing about earlier when I lost my post as I was stressing about lack of time as I had to be some where & I get frustrated sometimes about how posts get lost. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I also tend to get stressed out when I'm rushing myself. Most of what I wrote at the end was in fun.

I'd made a decision to not post on this board on a regular basis as I haven't been in the last two wks. If I'm going to continue my journey at MWO then I will start posting on more general boards. I feel this is a better match for myself.

I'm not blaming anyone here, or on any other board, or any one else anywhere, only myself & my alcoholism. The truth is I have a disease, a disease that tells me I don't have one. I thought that it would be OK to try & have a beer or two since I'm taking Topamax & after all it's a drug that many people can use to modd. It did work for part of my latest research & experiment. However, the last two days I failed my test & once again confirmed that I'm a true alcoholic! I surrender!

It's just to difficult for myself to hang out with others whose goals differ then mine about Alcohol. I've got to recommit my self to a complete AF life or I won't have a life!!!.... My disease has progressed. There's that old saying " If you hang out at the barber shop long enough your going to get your hair cut".

I think people are in different phases, are at varying levels. Have different goals. I believe this site can be a great place for support, acquiring knowledge & learning new sober skills. It's very diverse here & that's excellent as there's a place for everyone!

I just have to do whats best for my sobriety at this time, which means trying to find others who have the same goals as mine. I also need to find others who have long term sobriety & lean on them, as I'm still weak & confused. Learn how they achieved a reasonably happy sober life. I know that emotional sobriety has got to be a huge part of it. So this is my quest, my goal.

I wish each & everyone of you much joy, love & peace! Thank you for being so kind to me & for the laughter.

Namaste

Wildflowers

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi guys, I'm afraid I feel incredibly bad today as the reconciliation session with bf last night went horribly wrong. So the best I can muster now is: have a good day and my thoughts are with you all.
:h