New here and starting Topa and with a question

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just wanted to say "HI" to all of you. I know I've been gone for awhile but have kept up on all your posts and progress.

I just feel rather numb and don't have anything to share so have just been reading.

Just a quick update: I haven't been drinking. Day 13 for me. I haven't decided whether I will drink when the hubby is out of town or not.

as for the hubby he's still getting the cold shoulder. I refuse to talk about my drinking with him. Maybe I'm just being stubborn but since the only time he is willing to communicate is if I do something wrong (never mind the fact that he drinks too, has had an affair and turned our world upside down). I am the bad guy here. This is why I don't post because I can't explain what is going on so that I am fair to both of us.

Do I give in and pretend that everything is okay? That would take a lot of humility and then everytime something goes wrong he will just think, give her time and she will forget all about it, no big deal.

I know this post doesn't make any sense which is why I have remained silent.

So, no more for today

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Charlie looks quite comfy and protected in his new collar, I know its so hard for them to get used to the idea of wearing anything like that. Anxiety, hmmm I think mine is definatley made worse by heavy drinking, which used to have me on the unmerry go round of drinking to ease the anxiety, increase in anxiety. But having had times not drinking I do know its not only caused by drinking because I still got it then. so whats the cause I dont know. I do know I never ever really relax, I pretty much always have this low level anxiety going on, drinking or not drinking that doesnt change that

Sun, more doggy troubles, have you tried just leaving the lead on in the house for her to get used to, I dont mean walking her round on it just leaving her wearing it? thats the only idea I have on that one.

Im glad to see you back on here wildflowers, Im sure you will get the dosage right. From what I read on here 75mg is still quite a low dose isnt it? so you could still go up if you needed. At times it seems so hit and miss that it can seem like were never going to get there, but then I think things will start to fall into place for us and it will get easier and better.

Dizzy Im sending you loads of love and hugs xx

Hi Play how are you?

Im very tired again so cant talk more now, am dropping of to sleep trying to type this.

Goodnight to everyone x

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello everybody!

I feel much better thank you. I decided to try and add 25mg Topa to my meds yesterday and whammo, 2 hours later I felt better. OK, so I didn't sleep well and I spoke to my doc and she said we will go with 12,5mg increase for now but so glad it was something so simple.

I can't stay long as I have two articles to complete and my friend is coming to stay over tonight. I love her to bits but she drives me nuts as she is a last minute impulsive person and I'm definitely not. So when someone tells me the day before that they are spending two days at my house when I'm supposed to work it stresses me out big time. But she is coming to say goodbye, and she has traveled far, so I will suck it up, finish these two articles, and just enjoy the visit. I need to just relax for a bit anyway.

You know what they say, when you smile, they whole world smiles with you. Even bf has started to get that goofey grin again. May be because of his project finally getting lift off today after he was working 16 hour days for the last 2 months. *Phew* Leaving date set for 28 June. So excited! :nutso:

WTE: That cone thing looks a hell of a lot more comfier that the old ones.

Play: Glad you're back safe.

Sun: Thanks for the concern and for the pics on the gardening thread. I hate it when it goes quiet there but I guess it will from time to time.

Wild: Good to see you, I know the meds can sometimes be difficult to figure out. In terms of other people giving advice, I think for now, I'd just like a vote of confidence that I can handle my life. I'm doing purdy good so far the last couple of months

Mimi: So glad you're back and so sorry I don't have time for a long post. Will try to run my guest a bubble bath tonight so I can come back. I understand fully what you are saying and I'm really proud that you are not drinking. Personally I think you could only gain from not drinking while he is out of town for now. I am NOT saying this as I want you to be AF, this is your choice. Its just that you are really upset right now and if you drink while he is out of town you may just act out. Right now, you are in control. Don't hand it over, if you slip up, you know it will just be giving him another tool to use against you.

Do you have a therapist you can talk to Mimz? I think you need a bit more specialised help than what we can offer right now. Of course we will always be here for you but I really truly feel you need to speak to a professional about your feelings. I was really worried that we as 'lay people' may have given you the wrong advice. I mean not that I know of and I know you are your own person but would you consider seeing a psychologist? I want to say please don't stay in this loveless relationship but this is my wish for you. Just stay strong, keep up with the sobriety for now (did you look up antabuse?) and consider getting some outside help.

Space: Thanks for being so sweet. And don't let your daughter bully you. You can always pretend that your back is worse and get in bed and make them serve you dinner and stuff. That'll teach them.

Hi Struggles, not sure if I said hello yesterday. :l

Let me go finish two articles: on on alternative electricity and one on alternative currency (money).

Cheery bye.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Quick pop in as I am off to work in a few - Mimi - so happy yo see you here - just popping and and reading is fine. Good for you on day 13 - that is wonderful way better than me - but then most everyone is way better than me ! LOL Don't worry about your post making sense - sometimes it just helps to get it down on paper as if one is talking to oneself! Only you know your situation and can do what you feel is best for you at the time.

No time for any more so a huge hug and hi to everyone - back later today..... HAVE to attack my ironing this evening though :H

Love and hugs, Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All …

Hey Diz: Good to see you back around, Internet stuff is the worse. I lose my mind when mine is down – way too connected to it in so many ways.

Sorry to hear you are feeling down – and that you feel a bit spread out. I made the same mistake when I first came here years ago. And also fell into a trap of a certain person attempting to “fix me” right up and had all the answers for me although they didn’t know me from Jack. Frustrating to say the least. I think your idea of perhaps sticking to a few threads for a bit may be a calming idea for now ….

You need some calm right now. Hugs from this side of this side of the planet. =)

I need to get back the gardening thread too! I have been so all consumed by other things that my garden has fallen on the priority list again. UGH. It’s hanging on thanks to auto watering but I certainly am lacking inspiration for it right now. I’ll get it back – I swear! Dang it!

Hey! Just read you have a departure date set! Wow! Can certainly understand your excitement!

Sun: I had to giggle about Katie! I have never seen a pup so that either! I know it must not be funny to you, but it is a funny image. Sorry! Most dogs ADORE walks – so is the idea of the leash that has her stubborn? Hope Daily’s ears are OK, ear infections can really be a bugger. Sounds like you have a great vet.

Wildflower: Always so good to see you. I’m sorry you were fighting with the Topa doses – not a fun place to be. I hope whatever treatment plan you decide works out for you … hang in there.

Mimi – Hello back. I’m glad you popped in and congrats on 13 days. Sorry to hear you are still struggle with the hubby without an answer yet presenting itself, but you sound like you are doing a pretty decent job of holding it together in the storm.

Never worry about posts “making sense”... as I think we have all had our moments here when we just needed a place to vent or write or express how much or how little we could of what is going on in our world while we fight our own battles with not only AL but everything that it effects around us. Sometimes it’s the perfect place to come. If nothing else for a cyber hug …. It’s good to see you.

Hiya Space: Interesting about the anxiety. Mine totally goes away when I have my drinking “under control” to some degree. Back with a roar when the wine is flowing. UGH. I’m sorry to that is part of daily life for you – I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

So as for Charlie and I, honestly yesterday I thought I was going to lose my mind! Every time I think I have this “collar” thing solved on him – he managed to get around it somehow. *sigh* Yesterday he had me in tears twice. I never did make it into work.

The “tube” thing worked for the first night for the most part, although it had taken me most of the day to finally get to that point. And while he didn’t like it, he seemed to be getting used to it and the T-Shirt strips I put on it padded the wound areas pretty well and I could change those. Then POOF. He figured out how to insert paw and open the Velcro strap and off it came. So – I wrapped the T-Shirt strips over the Velcro strips. That worked for a few hours until he figured out he could slip the entire off over his head.

Now each time he does this, he scratches at least one of the spots where his drains came out and it’s a mess. I freak, am trying to clean him up, more t-Shirt strips, (another glass of wine) and I put the damn thing back on. There are “loops” inside the collar so I take gauze and tie a bow from the loop to the of his collar. OK. Decide after 2 days it’s safe for a quick shower. Nope. Come out and he now has his collar flipped upside down and the ring hanging between his front legs and both sides on his face bleeding. I’m in total tears, we start over again. More T-Shirt, more clean up on him, I am getting worried this is going to get infected (although he is still on antibiotics), more wine, and I tie THREE loops to his collar on all sides. This seems to work for now but I called my vet last evening and made an appointment for this morning to look at him.

We made it through the night intact, but he needs much more fur shaved off now as it is sticking into the wounds and I am worried about messing with it too much more. We leave in an hour to go see her. I am sleep deprived, WAY over drinking, and so frustrated I want to scream. I feel SO bad for him!

On the up side, I poured out all wine in the frig this morning. I did make sure I took my 50/100 Topa yesterday as well as L-Glut a number of times and my All-One. But I am drinking through everything so I just need to somehow get back into control! I am taking Charlie to the shop with me today. One more day at home and I will lose my mind for certain.

Sorry the end of this was a bit of a bummer post … just so frustrated with everything and upset with myself and how I am NOT dealing with it well! Off to shower and keeping my fingers crossed that there is a solution that will work for more than just a day ….

WTE

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Struggles that is so great with not drinking and funny about now craving the snickers and sodas, but I think probably anything is better at first. I also notice that when my alcohol goes down I seem to want more sweets and I never had a history of really liking sweets.

Space, panic attacks are really awful, I can see how the meds you are taking probably do help out with the anxiety attacks, hopefully.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

That Charlie is just the cutest darn dog, WTE, you must be worn out and ready to go back to work, LOL.

Sun, my Aunt could use that "Thundershirt" thingie for her big dog who is terrified of storms, I will tell her about it, thanks. I'm happy you are having some good time with your girls, I do know what family dynamics can be like.

Space, so sorry about your Uncle, I know that hospice seems like the end of the road but truly it is a blessing because of the support, care and pain control that is offers to patients and also their families. Please try to look at it as something that helps make it possible for families to really share the end of life with their loved one. I do so send my love to you.

Hi our dear DizzyBee, please start buzzing again, you know I am just a mother at heart and I just want you to be ok when you go to be with the BF. Silly strangers who think they can just jump in on a thread this long and tell you how to solve your problems in one PM, just ignore it.

Hi Wildflowers, thank you for your little prayer and glad you haven't really left us.

Hi Mimi, so good to see you and wonderful that you have some AF days, I hope you are ok, please keep posting. I think Dizzy gave has some really good thoughts about seeing a professional person to help you sort out your thoughts. In past years I talked to a wonderful Psychologist and it was a tremendous help to me mainly just in helping me work thru my confusion about my marriage difficulties, I really would recommend it, and yes, just as Dizz said, I think not drinking while hubs is away would be a very valuable time to try to stick to AF for your own clarity of mind.

bye for now,
love, play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG WTE,
Just read your last post, you must be beside yourself, please post quick about the visit to the vet. I know exactly what you are going thru, I do the same thing when I am stressing about something the wine just keeps flowing. I have been pretty quiet here the last few days because I've been so tired but I have some major sharing so maybe later tonight if not too tired. Anyway, have a good day to everyone and see you later.
play

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good to hear from all of you.

I will be gone for a few days and won't have internet access. I will be at a church convention so I won't be having any drinks.

Hopefully the convention will bring some clarity. It always does.

Take care everyone,
Mimi

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Mimi the convention sounds like a good idea to give you a few days without rink and to get your self together. I hope you enjoy it.

I dont know how much Ive missed on here, and dont have the energy to read back and try to work it out. I send eveyone my love and have tried to read the best I could, my eyes are clsong again.

I had a lovely day with my daughter and she is staying again tonight, so thats 2 AF days I havent really thought about drink

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone

Mimi - lovely to hear you are going to a church convention - I too hope it brings some clarity for you..... :l

Space - how nice that you enjoyed your time with your daughter and had an AF day - in fact, TWO Af days - go you !! Enjoy your time with her again today....

Diz - I am totally amazed at the Topa working so fast for you - wonderful that it does and that you are feeling better. 28th June - wow - that will be here before you know it. I hope you are enjoying having your friend to stay - it will be good for you to slow down and relax......

Hi there Play - yes, the thundershirt really works well for the dogs - I had tried it on both of mine and also lent it to a friend who didn't want to give it back - LOL. I told her where she could buy one!! They actually have a money back guarantee if it doesn't work for your dog. But it worked for any of the dogs I have tried it on. How are you doing? How goes the topa?

Hi there WTE - oh gosh - I do feel for you - you must be absolutely wiped out. Charlie is a smart one - and knows that he doesn't want anything on him to stop him getting at those stitches!! I know I shouldn't laugh - but really couldn't help it - with the glass of wine interspersed inbetween 'fixes'. Sorry - :l Yes, I have a wonderful vet - it sounds as if you do too. daisy's ears are okay - she was sadly neglected and so has an ongoing problem and although I clean them out, sometimes it needs the deeper cleaning that Tim does that I am worried about doing 'cos of hurting her. I am not sure what it is with the lead and Katie - she will walk on it with it trailing from her - it is when I pick it up that she plonks herself down!! I have tried making it into a harness instead of a lead and same result.....she is a WIP. We will get there - LOL

Your post was not a bummer post WTE - not at all - I can totally understand your frustration with Charlie - I was so lucky with Maggie when she had anything 'on' her - she never touched it and the socks solved our problem with her feet.... I have no idea what to suggest to you. it seems you have thought of just about everything. It is hardly surprising that you are frustrated with the whole thing. Hopefully being back at work will at least give you some 'routine' and Charlie too and help calm you back down.

I need to get me ready for work - odd shift today - 9-5.30. Hugs to all, back later,

Sun XX

P.S. I am SO excited - we have a 90% chance of getting RAIN today!!!!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

What a quiet day here - last post was me - and here I am again - worked my little tushie off today at work. Have had two and a half Guinness tonight and am getting ready for bed. The roofing men are supposed to be coming tomorrow. The weather has turned really cold - down from 98 - 103 to 56 !!!! Amazing. We had LOTS of rain where I work which is only 10 mins away from home. We had a little rain here but not even enough to make the rain guage move. Bummer. I am tired. Think I will go and tidy the kitchen and get a hot water bottle and go to bed.

love and hugs to all,

thinking of you WTE and Charlie - hope you have a better night - hope he leaves his wounds alone.

Love Sun XXX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All …

I am just about to head to bed but had to pop in for a second .. sorry to be gone .. such a few days!!!

Charlie is a bit better and on the mend, although DETERMINED to get the better of my patience (and attempted sobriety at times HA!) His vet appointment went well yesterday morning and thank you Play for your concern and SUN! It was actually SUCH a relief to say “ HERE! Take my dog for a minute!” LOL As awful as that sounds .. but I was so afraid he had an infection started and I just could not even change bandages anymore without putting him in hand cuffs and tying him the ceiling! (or something – I was getting that desperate! LOL)

But, no infection, thankfully and they checked all and where quite impressed with what I had FINALLY come up with to keep this dang ring on his neck. So they took everything off, clipped more fur, cleaned it up well and re-did my work. LOL And off to the shop we went. It was good for both of us and while by today he has managed to rip a bit apart of the bandages that cover the ring they did (just don’t hold up like good ol ‘ T-shirt) he has not been able to itch or get the dang thing off! Yea! They used a Neosporin type product on him and so I bought a similar and an anti-itch cream as well which the vet both approved which seem to be really helping. And he is happy and silly again. I am not looking forward to all the staples coming out next Thursday .. but that is a week away … good grief!

Sun - So what does your vet figure is up with Katie and the lead? Did she perhaps at one time have one of those awful tiger pinch collar used on her and is now afraid? Was reading on the Dog Whisperer about it, but she does not seem to fear the leash – only when you hold it? You have probably heard of him .. if not .. he is my hero when it comes.. to dogs.

All else .. my love and hugs and I miss everyone!! I MUST get to bed. Be back soon and will have some time this weekend to catch up.

WTE

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all -
Lost my damn post scrolling backwards!! How does that happen?! Not in a long time...ARRRGGGHHHH

So now too tired to repost: Glad alls well w/ most of us!! lol More later then -

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all
My visitor is in the bath, so just a quick check in, will catch up with you all tonight.
So what is your excuses for being so quiet?
Thanks Sunny for keeping up the fort.
Really enjoying the company and the holiday, have been building fires, having barbeques and making nice hearty lentil and veggie soups over long heart to heart conversations - just what the doctor ordered.
I miss you guys more than I thought I would though. :nutso:
So check in, OK?
Have a great day.
:h

PS:

Sun, I think Katie must associate the leash with something other than walking. Perhaps you use it when you take her to the vet? It can't be that she doesn't like walking, so there must be a way around it.

WTE, glad to hear Charlie's doing better.