New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All, the visit with my daughter and her bf went well, although after 2 days with no drink last night when I got home after taking them home I drank 5 cans. I had been ok without drinking, no problems and didnt really think about it so why did I do that again last night. I am also getting se's from my increase in baclofen and not noticing any benefit yet. Although I have had benefit in that I have not drank heavily or wanted to over these past weeks. When I was in my mums yesterday she asked me if I had antabuse and was still taking them, I said I was, I dont like this lying to them but I cant put them through upset just so I dont have to feel guilt at what Im doing. They wont understand why Im not taking the antabuse and just going AF again.

Mimi, keep posting and dont worry about what you write, thats what we are all here for, to support each other and I think that just writing stuff down and putting it out there is helpful. not neccessarily wanting answers just saying how it is.

Its good Charlie is getting better

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning!

Diz - so happy to hear that you and your visitor are having a lovely time..... sounds just wonderful.... Glad to hear you are missing us though - LOL You need to have this time to sit back and regroup and it is good to be able to talk to your friend. I am so glad she is visiting with you. No - there is nothing that Katie can associate the lead with - the first time she had one on was when she came home with us and then she only had it on to come in through the gate and that time too she sat herself down and wouldn't budge!! No WTE - she has never had any sort of lead/coller on other than those I have used on her. The whole thing is a puzzlement.

WTE - yes, I so understand about it being a relief to hand Charlie over to someone - my eldest had colic and I stayed with a friend for a couple of months in UK and when I arrived, I literally shoved the baby at her and said "here" - and didn't touch her for two days! I know there isn't really a comparison but I do know what you mean!! But there IS light at the end of the tunnel - and it isn't a train coming!! REALLY! You sound a tad calmer already. And every day takes Charlie a day further away from the surgery so one more day healed......

Houtx - instead of scrolling back - well, I scroll back on the same page, but I actually open another tab to look back and see what was on the page before - I have lost too many posts to do it any other way - anyway - lovely to see you - :H

Hi Space - I wish your family would stop asking you about the antabuse......it doesn't help you at all. I also had a wry smile at you not drinking when your daughter was with you then having 5 the day she left. You sound SO like me with your drinking habits!! Except I don't seem to be able to do the AF - go you with those - I don't know why we do it - maybe because we can? SIGH I had three last night - I want to keep it to 2 and then go down to one and then - who knows? STOP??????? I get fed up with it - it seems to rule my life really.....once again, I am not taking the Kudzu or the L-Glut. I seem to self sabotage.

ANYWAY - where is everyone else? I am off today - due to working in retail - today is my holiday day off - and I am going to take my compost pile apart and start all over. The weather is crazy here - temps of 103 a couple of days ago and right now it is 51 !! Perfect for being outside. The chaps are supposed to be doing the roof today but I have no idea what time they are coming. I am looking forward to doing the compost piles - it is something I have been itching to get to for a couple of weeks but the weather has been so hot.....

Back later everyone - love and hugs,

sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I do envy you getting out and doing your garden Sun, my back is aching today so I cant do anything, Im also very tired yet again. Im not sure what is causing me to be so tired all the time. Maybe the baclofen or the serequel. I see the psychiatrist next month and dont know whether to wait until then, its only about 3 weeks away or just try stopping taking it myself to see do I feel any better, the serequel I mean. I do want to find out whats helping me and whats not.

I have no clue then what your going to do with your dog, did you try leaving the lead on in the house for her to get used to it?

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ha I just looked at that post, its seems I am willing to stop the serequel in an effort to make me feel better but not the lager

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space - I know from reading on here that bac can make you very tired. I have no idea about serequel. Are you a sleepy tired or a drained tired? If you are a drained tired I would imagine it might be the Bac..... (or the Serequel). Of course, with the pain from your back, you can't even try and exercise - 'cos that could have helped....you are sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place aren't you? I feel for you. I always have so much energy that on the VERY rare occasion that I am tired, it half kills me to not be able to DO stuff - wish I had an answer for you my friend :l

I have tried leaving the lead on Katie - she doesn't mind it on her - it is just as soon as I pick it up that she sits.,..... and STAYS!! LOL We will find a way out of it - baby steps.......

Hugs, Sun X

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have a friend that takes seroquel and it makes her VERY sleepy.....

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning Everyone…

Yes, there is a bit of a clam in the storm with Charlie. We made it through another night without issue, although this morning I really do need to re-do his “wrap” on his tube thingy, but I think it will go fine this time around. Yes Sun, each day we are getting closer to this all being behind us. Whew!

As for Katie and the leash – something she must associate with it. Dang if I can think of it! Maybe try a different leash? Could there be a scent of a feel on that lead that reminds her of something? (I know – I’m reaching here! HA!) Was she ever tied up on a lead before you got her that you know of? Even for a short time? And to her that “feel” means a “boundary”? Or - could the leash feel too heavy? Try a really, really light one at first?

Houtx, always good to see you! Wish we knew how you were doing and you take another run at posting. So frustrating I am sure!

Space, I am not surprised you did so well, and then turned around and drank 5. I don’t know why we can do so well for such periods and then our control just goes to poop for a pop. I do so admire you (and others) than can stay AF for days or weeks on end, and hardly think about it – something I just can’t seem to pull off. And feeling tired is awful and frustrating as well. I’m right there with you. In the Charlie chaos I was messing up my Topa (not sure how bad) but now that I am a bit back on track (with Topa) I am REALLY tired again and I suspect its readjusting to the Topa again. So hard to sort what we are taking and what is doing what. I hope your 3 weeks before you see your DR again passes quickly.

And Sun, like you, self-sabotage here of recent too in looking at my cans of L-Glut and All-One a number of times a day and thinking “I’ll do that later” and then too often not getting back around to it. UGH. I was feeling SO great just a few weeks ago – what happened? And I have GOT TO really, seriously address some better / different eating. I swear that the Topa not only takes away my appetite, but also changes something in my chemistry that is screwing with my nutrition. I remain at 50/100, but if something doesn’t change, I may have to drop back down.

Diz – You sound like you are having just what you needed right now! Perfect! Down time, good friend, fires and comfort food. It all sounds so lovely! We do miss you around here so thanks for popping in. =)

So yesterday was a bit shop chaotic and I am feeling a touch unfocused and blaming that on the Topa (I think). I remain off my mark of 3 glasses but did do better yesterday and made sure to pour everything out again this morning. Dang it! Back to having to do my old routines to get back into control! But whatever it takes at this point. I am now at mid-week of Week 12. Wow – seems so much longer than not quite 3 months since I started back on Topa … so trying to stay a bit easy on myself. And yet, not use it as an excuse when that little voice says “oh well – one more glass as the Topa starts to work again”. Shezzzzz. Hate that voice! HA!

Have some very important event consultation with clients today for events so it will be a busy day and good for me. And will keep me put of the wine until late in the day – unlike when I am home office and doing bids and quotes and trying to be creative and on the phone and blah,blah blah.

Happy June 1st everyone! Here’s to starting a fresh month! =) Hugs to all ..

WTE

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh wow it is June 1st, I didnt realise we had started June. I actually think were all doing ok really, even if we do go "poof for a pop" I have never heard that expression before it made me laugh. But what Im saying is that none of us seem to have gone way out of control and even when we go a bit off course we get back on pretty soon.

I do wonder what the topamax does for you, does it just reduce cravings or does it do other things as well.

Im glad your friend has come to visit Dizzy, it sounds like just what you needed.

My whole nutrition is still messed up as well WTE, its 3.30ppm and I still havent bothered eating yet today. I havent had my green powder for over a week, or my protein shakes, but I did get my new pack of L glut yesterday and had some this morning, in fact I will go and have some more now before I forget.

I wish I had your secret Sun of energy and motivation, I just cant be arsed doing anything, it is taking me all my time to even write on here lately.

Ok Im going to go to the shop and get some bits that I need, but I really dont even feel like doing that!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, I just heard about my uncle, since the day he went into the hospice when he was lying in bad, chatty and only complaining from the pain of bedsores and said his cancer wasnt really bothering him, he seems to have been being overdosed with morphine, he has been asleep all the time and only having water rubbed around his lips. Today the doctor asked him where he wanted to die, in the hospice or at home, how can this be, apart from them actually killing him that in 4 days he has gone like this, they say its the cancer spreading but I dont believe then but my auntie is now of the opinion that the way he is the sooner he goes the better, she doesnt want him to hang around like this. This is what happened to my dad, as soon as they started giving him morphine.

Im sorry to post this but Ive got no one else to talk to about it.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Space - I have SKYPE - SKYPE ME. Been there with my dad....... the morphine doesn't kill them - it makes them feel comfortable. If your uncle is in the end stages, he is ready...... I wouldn't want to hang around just waiting to die. but I have very strong beliefs re death. I could be different to your uncle..... What does HE want is the question - has anyone asked him? Does anyone know what he wants? It is so difficult as no-one ever wants to talk about it. I have trust me and all my family know my feelings on the subject. Ask your auntie to ask your uncle - have them hold off on the morphine until he is lucid enough to talk. My dad wasn't given the morphine unless he asked for it. Talk to him..... please? See what it is that he wants to do. when he is lucid.

my heart goes out to you and your auntie - you are both in such a hard place right now. huge hugs and love and strength to you. You are all in my prayers. I have Pm'd you.

Love, Sun XXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

He told the doctor he wanted to stay there to die, I havent seen him awake since the day he went in there. I get what you mean I have had this conversation with my mum, she has told me what she wants to happen. God this whole conversation is making me feel sick now.

Im kind of sorry I mentioned it, talk about something else please

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I am out digging in my compost pile - and thought it was all just stuff - got halfway down and it is pure gold !!!!!]

The roofers are here and I had to laugh - they are all mexicans and my motorbike (for those who don't know I have an 850 Triumph Bonneville) is parked by the house. anyway they looked at Hubs and asked him to move it. He won't even get on the back!! Anyway he said "Honey - can you move your bike please - so I got my boots on and the keys and all I heard was 'whisper....signora...whisper...signora.....whispe r..."

SO funny!! They obviously have never seen an older lady like me riding a bike!!

Have to get back out to my compost.....

Love and hugs to all,

love, Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I didnt know about your bike, and a British bike at that! you are soooo cool, what with your bike, your energy, your compost heap, WOW Im in awe of you

Super cool chick Sun:bow

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

spacebebe01;1327118 wrote: I didnt know about your bike, and a British bike at that! you are soooo cool, what with your bike, your energy, your compost heap, WOW Im in awe of you

Super cool chick Sun:bow

Is there any other, other than a Triumph Bonneville? LOL !!!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone, Space, I know you are stressed about your Uncle and the Hospice situation but I do want to say a few words and then I will let the subject drop. First of all morphine is the most effective pain relief medication on the planet and in that way it is a godsend for patients who would otherwise be in absolutely unbearable end stage pain that other pain relievers will not touch. Second, if it is increased too quickly and given in too large doses then of course it will hasten death, no way around that. It should always be used according to a patients wishes while they are able to make their wishes known, if they are past that stage it is usually up to the family or whoever the patient has designated to make those decisions. Pain relief and death are not the only functions of Hospice, they are there to give support and advice to the family and help with a hundred things that the family doesn't know how to do or have time to do or can't bear to do, so yes, as Sun says, let your Uncle be the guiding person making these decisions. If you tell the hospice staff to back off on the medication in order to let your Uncle become more clear headed then he can most likely make these decisions himself, he may have already made them.

Well, I've been pretty quiet here because I'm exhausted and I'm pretty much a freaking mess. It's always very long and complicated, isn't it, I will try to make it a bit shorter, I'm tired and who has that much time to read a book.

Well, I did it again, I AGAIN, bit off more than I can chew, when I went to visit my aunt and my mother, oh the best intentions, and such a good daughter, but why do I have to try to please everybody? all the time? well, in THEORY, it makes me happy, and in REALITY, sometimes it works out and makes me happy. This time I should have just used that common sense of mine and stayed put here at home and gotten my self ready for my trip to spain.

BIG STRESSOR #1:Rather than stay here and work and save money, I bought a plane ticket, went visiting and SPENT MONEY

BIG STRESSOR #2: My Aunt's adopted twelve year old grand-daughter (who I love) came back with me for a week, her first time away from her parents, I'm showing her a trip of a lifetime in san francisco before she goes down south to stay with her other grandparents for her summer break (I couldn't say no).

BIG STRESSOR #3: Now I have no time to get ready for my trip to Spain and I am totally stressed and I am totally drinking out of control.

Ok, so, I had a plan to stick to 2 glasses of wine, well that went out the window during my trip as the stressors started building up. Now I'm having wine at lunch, in the evening, everyday, my adopted niece says to my youngest daughter, "oh, Aunt Play has wine at every meal", kids can't keep their mouths shut. So, anyway, I'm just a mess.

Now, I've decided to cut down on the Topa by 25mg until I leave for Spain on the 15th, because let's face it, why waste the Topa. I'm just hoping that I can pull it together in Spain because this is not a pleasure trip. My daughter is having a hip replacement and I will be helping take care of her as well as the new baby and the 4 year old. There is just no way that I can drink like this while I am there.

Ok, I could go on and on but I guess I will just stop for now, I'm terribly discouraged with how things are going right now. I'm so unhappy that I'm not having good luck with the Topa like I did the first time around and I've also gained all the weight back that I had lost plus probably 5 more pounds, I feel like a barn, and being overweight makes me feel very slow and lethargic and my clothes don't fit and I don't even have anything I can wear, I am just totally bummed.

Well, gotta go shower, early morning for work, then two more days of being a good tour guide, I do love her but I'm feeling resentful but its my own fault.

Take care, love you all,
play