New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone!

Wildflowers, that was an inspiring and beautiful, supportive post. I agree with the idea of giving your body what it needs above all. And paying it forward.

Mimi, I'm on day 2 yet again, and this AM decided to take some glutamine along with my antabuse because I've been cramming my mouth full of any carb I can find in the house. And I swear it helped with the edginess. If you're not on antabuse, ie, you are worried about slipping and need help, I'd see if you can find some glutamine. It can help with alcohol cravings as you probably know, and all carbs/sugars. Weight was one of the things that got me in trouble with alcohol twenty years ago. I would drink instead of eat because I was trying to save calories. What I didn't know at the time was that the refined carbs were the last thing my body needed, I really needed whole foods especially since I was so stressed and eating so little food.

You've done a great job so far going AF, and sometimes it takes your body time to detox and balance out. Do you have vitamins you can take? I haven't read this thread in a while so excuse me if I'm ignorant on topics you've all shared earlier.

Hi Sun! You look smashing my dear! Can you give me your diet/workout regime? Dang.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space Space Wherever You Are!

playland;1329323 wrote: Hi Space, Sun, Wilde, Trixi, seems like I can't say thanks enough.

Space, this is for you, you ask "what is spirituality", you say, "either you have it or you don't have it", you say "you just don't get it".
So, I just want you to read back thru a few days of all these posts, just read, don't think too much, listen with your heart, don't try to sort it out with your mind, just read before you go to sleep every night, and you will be surprised that after doing this for a few days you will begin to have a feeling of what spirituality might mean for you.

I agree Play, spirituality is all around us, it's not something we have or don't have. It's not religion. It's something that ties all the bits together so that the emptiness becomes light, meaning appears. I know that probably sounds too vague or esoteric but I'm not sure how to describe what I accept and embrace as spirituality.

SPACE...

You've heard of the all is one? God is us and we are god? God is that which is inside each of us, all our little parts can and do participate together, and we are the ones who help or hinder our bits from being bigger players in the whole. Think of an inner child aching to go out and play and make the world a better place, only its not a child, its a spirit, its your spirit, and your spirit is sacred, as are others, and worth cherishing, protecting, expanding. Tools for expanding and cherishing our spirits are meditation, learning from masters in various disciplines, reading - the Law of Attraction for example, google it. The magic is that we can all control our outcomes more often than we think, and in fact one of the outcomes we can work on is drinking thinking - that's what I'm working on tonight at least!

Anyways, this may not be very helpful and its just a glimpse, I don't know if this comes close to anyone else's path - I'm not far along on it and do not profess to know much. However, it has helped me immensely.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Don't know why -- always pictured you as a Brunette.

PS: You owe me a glass of wine. i just spit mine out all over my moniter laughing with you guys!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Pretty patio Play! Can just see you I SF ? oh how I miss it.

Oh Mimi, I hope you found your Topa. You know, it does take time to work and yes, it is possible to drink right over it. I am here to prove that damn theory. But I DO believe it is a another good tool in the chest for many. 54 days is still a spot of time to work with. And if you are not the ?perfect? size you want to be, you will still be beautiful and glowing and it will be a magical day for you, for your daughter, and wonderful memories will be made for all. Keep your eye on the prize and what is really important for her day. Besides, I hate to be the one to tell you ? but you are not going to be the one they are going to be gawking at no matter HOW fantastic you look! HA! I hope you know I mean that in a loving / joking way ? but we ALL tend to be too hard on ourselves. Be proud on what you have accomplished! HUGS!

I?m posts backwards for a change after Sun?s bikers pics and I couldn?t stop laughing ?.

Sun ? I have the funniest movie running through my head of you and your friends dashing off to the wood like thieves with your dogs off leash. SO different here in CA. They even have surfing competitions at the beach for dogs! HA!

[img][/IMG]

And yep when it comes to eating. Eat when I am hungry only. And never, ever eat the last bite. Not sure where that came from but it seems like it has been there all my life. My Mom and my two sisters both struggle/struggled with their weight. I got my Grandmother metabolism I guess as I have her body type as well. (and I think she drank a glass of Manachevitchs (sp?) every night before bed too! HA!)

OK Sun ? I am now blaming my early drinking on the fact that I get up at 4 AM! HA! And I can sing ALL the words to ?It?s 5 O Clock Somewhere!? LOL I was actually OK yesterday even though I started a bit early I stopped at glasses. Only because I was out *sigh*

Play! Not sure where we left off but I am THRILLED you took time for yourself to re-group and get ready for your trip, buy some comfys and chill a bit before the big trip. You are going to have a lot of responsibility on your plate when you are there so being rested and feeling good is mega important! Do you need anyone to carry your luggage perhaps??? I have yet to make it Spain! Dang! And we want PICTURES .. now that you know how to post them! HA!

Sweet Diz! Off for the great adventure too soon! Sitting here looking at my calendar and seeing how fast the days flash by now ? it will be here so soon. Laughing about whoever posted about Mr. Blue Sweater needing a care package!!!!

Houtx ? sweet Houtx ? did you turn me down on my date?? Stand me up? PPfftt! Is it cuz my golf game is of???? LOL

And Ms Space ? Just sending you more hugs your way. Life is just full of poop some days. Shuffle some this way when needed .. I will do the same. And hey, you never answered me about the All-One or other vitamins you are taking? I really think we need to at least stay on top of each other on that part. I screwed up on mine this AM but remembered it at about 5 PM.

Other than that, busy, busy with shop stuff and events. Fashion Shows and over-the-top birthday parties for hundreds so full event planning. Today involved cake tastings, touring two homes, selecting fancy linens, designing florals to hang from a 30 ceiling beam (really people????) listening to 2 violinists, wine & champagne tastings, sourcing grape tree stumps to plant orchids in, find a new calligraphy person, name all menu items for a 60th BD party beginning with an ?S? such as Slinky 60 Sue?s Salad with _, and I wonder why I drink? HA! Besides we have made the cover of a magazine ? NO pressure there! HA!

Charlie is WELL on the mend and has no ring thing anymore. Still am unable to put a collar on him as he still has a bad rash where his collar would go. He has to be at the shop with me tomorrow so I bought him a harness to use as I WILL need to walk him during the day. He?s pretty good about voice commands and staying with me .. but still. So I tried to put a harness on him ..NOT! LOL I don?t know if it?s because of all the nonsense I have done to him recently, or because he just doesn?t understand, but he will have nothing to do with it. Lays right down and it?s impossible to put it on him. Hummm. I?ve never put a harness on a dog before so it could be user error too! Neck staples come out Thursday ? hopefully that will be the end of the journey as he looks like he is healing well ?. Just looks like when my older sister decided to cut my hair one day when we were kids. LOL

OK ? forgive all typos as I am nor proof reading this ? I can?t find the top of my desk and it?s already past 7 PM here!

Love and Hugs to all and I am missing so many of you!

PS: This is a SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO: TIMELESS ?. I know you read here. Please pop in. I miss you and love you.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well,
I may feel like a "barn" but today I went to Target and bought some new sizes clothes that actually look pretty nice, they are comfortable, the trick is accepting it in my head, feeling good about myself no matter what size I am, and hey, weight is temporary if I want it to be, and I will go to Spain with my head held high, and no one will know the difference, I'm practicing looking in the mirror and loving myself.

Wildflowers, please don't go telling us you are going to leave us ever again, promise, you are one of us and I just won't accept that you might leave, you are here on this thread to stay!!!

Mimi, you listen to Wilde, you and I have the same issue, weight (and AL) we both need to just accept ourselves as we are right now, get yourself a beautiful dress for the wedding and hold your head high, I know that you are an absolutely gorgeous woman, what can a few pounds do to you, nothing I dare say, and bye the way, wow, 20 days, wish I could say the same, you are something.

Dear Bruun, (your feeling of spirituality) thank you for sharing such an intimate part of yourself, yes, it is magic, I get goose bumps reading your description, I'm thinking of you tonight, your path intersects so many paths throughout the Universe.

With Love, Play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE, how do you get your picture so BIG? mine is so little. I want my spain pictures to be BIG.

Oh, yes, I'm thinking of a group get-together in Spain one of these days, I need people to carry by bags, I do not travel lightly.

love, play

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Play. I used to live in the city...MISS it too Exhale. :h

Great patio. Hope you can enjoy it. Hows the kitchen project?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WaitingToExhale;1329847 wrote: Don't know why -- always pictured you as a Brunette.

PS: You owe me a glass of wine. i just spit mine out all over my moniter laughing with you guys!

Getting ready for work - but joking pictures apart - no, I am a blonde - you can't even see my eyebrows as they just sort of fade into my face and I always wear mascara 'cos otherwise it looks as if I have no eye lashes!! As I have gotten older, the hair has gotten darker so I do have high and low lights but still blonde.....

Laughed at you spitting wine from laughing - sorry!!!

off to get ready for work XXXX

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So I am sticking with day 21 even though i gave in and drank a beer last night. Here is the reason- I didn't enjoy it...I had to force myself to drink it which suprised me since i thought it was going to be such a big deal and I really thought I was going to exploded. Today I have no desire to drink at all.

So except for one beer this is day 21....

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have two cords of wood coming, hubbs b-day, then packing to move boxes 4 daughter's up coming move. Will be moving some next wk, then big move on the 23-24. My Baby bear & her Bf coming home 22nd, I'm so happy!!!!!.... I miss her so much !!!!They will be home for 6-7 wks. Then family out of state coming. Decided not to go off my thyroid med. Will have scan & decide on treatment when all is back to normal if there is such a thing. I mean less stress. Don't want to get to hyper with my thyroid. I'm already a nutter now. :nutso: I pray I stay sober thru it all!... Please pray for my sobriety!.....

Any hoo, I may be MIA for awhile very soon. Remember to be good to yourselves ladies, love & nurture yourselves please!......... Take time to smile & laugh :h :l :H

Namaste :h

Wildflowers

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

mimi911;1330254 wrote: So I am sticking with day 21 even though i gave in and drank a beer last night. Here is the reason- I didn't enjoy it...I had to force myself to drink it which suprised me since i thought it was going to be such a big deal and I really thought I was going to exploded. Today I have no desire to drink at all.

So except for one beer this is day 21....

That's good Mimi! :goodjob: Stick with your sobriety plan. I didn't enjoy my last experiment with beer either. I'm much happier AF. I'm so happy you have no desire to drink hun! Yeah
No point drinkin if ya have ta force yaself ta do it! :l

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All

Very nice picture, Wildflowers, you're really on a roll lately, aren't you? Such a good example of what sobriety can do. I'm back on the wagon too, just got tired of not getting anything done. Drinking just isnt fun on Topa and I'm really scared that one day my brain will decide that it must therefore quit it but for now I'm upping the dose, clenching my teeth and fighting the good fight.

I started a new job today and its SO nice knowing that I won't be hung over tomorrow. I think I did OK, they threw me in in the middle with hardly any instructions and I panicked like hell but I think I got there in the end. Well its 8:30 and I only just stopped and I hardly complained, so it should at least show them I've got dedication.

And you made me laugh with your care package for Mr Monkey's little Monkey LOL!! I promise thats not what we call it. Where were you the last time I saw him, he may have needed it then

Just teasing. Ahh, the visa is turning out to be a nightmare and I've decided to call in an agency but although I've filled in the application this morning they havent gotten back to me yet. *sigh* Its just that even though we both have money on the way, mine is only at the end of the month and he's is tied up in 2K's worth of company expenses and 5K's worth of taxes. So I just hope the bloody visa people arent going to ask for bank statements, then we're going to have to wait ANOTHER couple of months. Double :sigh:

Bruun, nice of you to support Space, and Space, I have an idea you're going to start feeling better soon. :l We all go through our bad times with AL and I think you are on your way up again.

WTE - you are a busy bunny, arent you? And it sure looks beautiful where you are. But then I must admit we have similar beaches around here, I must just do the trouble to drive there more often! Oh that, and I get a bit down in Winter - one of the reasons why I wanted to go to London in the only to months of Summer And it will be the Olympics then too! But we'll be in Windsor so it won't be too crowded I suppose, except for the tourists at the castle visit old Lizzie.

Sun, you always make me laugh, I can't remember with what all, but it was also sweet that you followed the Jubilee so much. Have you ever considered putting in a 'dog flap'? Our dog is medium sized and we have one of those glass doors with the 18 panels in it, son of a beyatch to clean, but super for the dogs. You just take out one of the pieces of glass and they can fit through there, no probs. Ours is 30cm x 20cm and Lucky squeezes through easily. That way you don't have to 'let them out' all the time.

Mimi - I get really annoyed when people get all hissy when someone has one drink and then carries on with their sobriety. Having one beer and not enjoying it is not a relapse, its just momentary insanity. So the best you can do is what you are doing now. Dust yourself off and carry on, screw the guilt or the over thinking it. Whats done is done. :l

Play, you must be so excited about your trip! Good on ya for buying the right clothes, I have spent half my life in shoddy clothes because I feel I need to diet to 'deserve' to buy new clothes. I think we will lose weight eventually with the AL, our bodies are probably just in a bit of shock, or perhaps we need to excercise? I've been taking Lucky to the park every day its not raining but I must say the mile's walk sure has me out of breath!

I have ordered and received the dreaded '30 Day Shred' excercise DVD. Its with the lady from the biggest loser. Perhaps you should try that before the wedding, Mimi? I know K9 Lover lost 5 pounds when she was doing that and the excercise will also boost your endorphins and get rid of some underlying anger.

Sorry I'm not commenting on each and everyone's post today, I'm really shattered and need some down time, although I think I might just fall asleep. Recently acquired a electric blanket... Its the next best thing to being cuddled all night long. LOL. Please don't preach to me about electric currents, this poor bee needs heat and cuddles for a few weeks so humour me. It also helps me with insomnia and I only use it when its REALLY cold like tonight.

Night y'all.

:h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone. I am feeling drained this evening. I am not sure that I have the energy to go back through and see what you all have posted so please forgive me. I usually do I know but tonight am probably not going to. Sorry. I have no idea where my energy has gone. Well, I do. But that is neither here nor there. I am here. That is the main thing. So, you are going to have to put up with just me for this post..... except for the last post or two...... I can't go back further than that - sorry.

Diz - I would like to have doggy doors - but there are a couple of reasons why I can't. First of all, over here, we have screen doors too - and ours has glass in it - so strike one. Strike two is that the dogs would be in and out and they bark. daisy is better since we fitted her with the bark coller although she learned from it and we don't put it on her any more. But it is still a learning process so we don't want them in and out as they please. In UK we had a cat flap so the cats could come and go as they pleased and it was wonderful. But with a screen door - one with glass - a solid sheet - it obviously won't work - nice idea though.

Diz - I love hot water bottles way over electric blankets. LOL

Wildflowers - thank you for your lovely posts - I do not thank you enough for your support here on this thread - you are so full of wisdom for everyone here. I hope that your moves go well for you..... :l

Mimi - great to see you here - and I agree with the others - the beer was just a slip - I think you are doing SO well - lorry loads of love and hugs to you XX :l

Bruun - :l:l:h Nice to see you......

WTE - yes, my dad always used to say to me "it is 5.00 somewhere" I so miss my dad......

Gosh - I feel SO flat today..... I really hate this. I always TRY even if I am down, to stay upbeat. You know - SUNSHINE ??? But sometimes, it is really really hard...... sometimes life really gets to you and there seems to be nothing to do but sit and cry. 3 Guinness probably doesn't help. I was wondering how long is it since I was off my AD's but I am never going back on them.

Love and hugs to all,

God Bless too,

love, Sun XXx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone - testing

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

LOL - ok here I go!!

I have spent the last hour catching up with the posts here from end of May to present...UGH!! No way I can comment on everyone like so many of you do...but I feel so happy to read everyone's comments! It's soooooooooo therapeutic to be here. Yes, summer is here and I am out of school, but just starting summer school now too. $$$$$ :-))

I am still considering ordering TOPA, but I have been dragging my feet all this time b/c the last time I was on it and titrated up, I got so "daft" (as someone earlier said) I just couldn't deal with it. I am DAFT anyway!! lol I just dunno...I actually still have some 100 mg pills I could smash up. But no - I'll think on it and let you all know.

SOOOOOO much to comment on, I love you ppl so much! We are all doing what we do - hanging in, doing well, doing not so well...fat, skinny, but all pretty much in the same boat. I LOVE it that I can come here and feel at home. No one understands the way we do. I could name all your names, but just know I am talking to everyone!!

Hang in, girls. Don't hate yourselves, Don't beat yourselves up, and MAJOR congratulations to those who have cut back bigtime or (OMG!!!!!) gone AF for any length of time. I just am amazed....

And yet, I beat myself up ALL the time, feel guilty, wonder why, make promises, hope for the best, get scared at the possibilities, make amends, work out, do things, come home and get gradually shit-faced without even meaning to or realizing it's happening. I do so many things in secret or not obviously...a functioning alcoholic. Hello!

Hate it - I'm trying to be more aware, make a plan, drink less w/ L-glut, etc...and am doing Ok. Ok. I have subbed wine for sugar-free vodka/tonics the last few nights and it's good. Just taking it one day at a time. I want to lose 10-15 that I've gained over the last several years. I am average, but would like to lose these lbs that make everything so tight!! UGH -

It sucks gaining or losing weight!! But I agree w/ the sentiment that we need to accept what& who we are. I do try - I know and can see I've put on some lbs., but I also try to find a positive in my body. I work out - that's not my problem...I drink and snack too much late at night. I give in to a "woo woo" factor in my thinking and just have a bit of this and a touch of that with my wine...UGH!!!!

So now I'm subbing V/Ts for the wine and don't feel the urge to snack as much for some reason. PLus I am not getting as tipsy, therefore I put myself to bed and wake up better & earlier for summer school. It's all a bunch of bullshit really. Hope it works in the long run!! Hang in there, y'all ~ luv ya~~