New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So much pain and sadness in everyone's lives. Feel the feelings, but try to find the positive element...so hard sometimes, but I HATE feeling depressed. I am more prone to annoyance and irritation. lol

Summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the street...try to dance in the street whenever you can

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Dizz, I just want to give you a huge hug. You are so young and strong.

Thank you for telling us that, its helps me to know both you and myself a bit more.

:l:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh gosh - as Houtx says - so much pain and sadness in everyones lives....

Diz - my dear Diz - I too wish I could just give you a big hug - we all have that spark of God in us and we are all awesome souls - it took me a long time to see that, but know that we all are !!!! I too had that black shroud over me and hid it very well for most of my life. Then found AD's..... and the shroud lifted. Having come off them - and I am not even taking the small dose of lexapro now - I will fight to stop it coming back. I am hoping that you will feel better - did you up the Topa? I think you did and you are so lucky in that it works for you so quickly. Thinking ahead - take a supply with you to UK - not sure you will be able to have an understanding GP there.

My best friend in England had the 'undoing of the bag" surgery too - I do hope it is a success for your dad...... and hope that your mum is doing better too. It is all so much for you to deal with with your mum being bi-polar as well.....

As for being born an alcoholoc - I don't think so - I think everyone is born with the propensity to become one - it just depends on circumstances - my whole family are Alcoholics but my mum and my sister do not drink - they eat sweets!! Which to me is the other side of the same coin.

I also love the serenity prayer - well, the name says it all doesn't it? As you said - it would be so easy......yes an AF stint would be good now - :H:H:H sorry - shouldn't laugh. But the idea is funny......

I am having breakfast with my M-I-L this morning which will be nice - she is such a lovely lady. Then today I plan on getting my stuff in order so that should anything happen to me, hubs would have an easier time of it than my friend is having. I do all the bills etc and do them all on-line - hubs has no idea about any of it - so I need to list all passwords and accounts and also passwords for here and password for my actual computer. Put it all in an envelope with "in the event of my death" on it.... for him.

I must go out and water. Going to be another hot one. need to do a good water today.....

love and hugs to everyone. Day off today - a vacation day - nice.

Sun XXX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

A quick drive by post …..

Like so many here have said , I am grateful for this odd, special, unique and blessed bond we share. And my heart goes out to each of you when you hurt. I laugh to tears at times when something so funny is said. I learn; I have a bad habit of getting up on the pulpit myself at moments with my own taste of “wisdom”. … but I adore you all.

I suppose mostly what I am trying to say is really what Play actually said a bit ago to eloquently, and I cannot come close to quoting or finding her post but it sticks with me in my heart. I wake up and know you guys are here. To vent, to share hurts, to share silly stuff, to laugh and cry with. And for right now … I type with tears for a number of you that I know have “ouches”. Seriously.


Her I go rambling on again when I should be in the shower for a Jazz concert I am due at ….. so I can’t name speak to everyone … I’m sorry.

DIZ, YOU are an amazing woman. Period. Someday I will meet you. Please don’t ever forget your strength you hold in that core and you share with others.

SUN, I am so sorry for your recent loss and what it brings to us when it happens. Having been there too many times, its beyond scary to be reminded of how short and delicate life really is. Then again, perhaps it is a reminder that comes for a reason – at least that is how I got through my losses of people too young to pass over and it changed me forever.

I must dash …. I am actually taking the weekend OFF! Had a date last (whoo hoo!) And determined to start living life again instead of doing nothing but work!

From my heart …
WTE

PS: Sir Charles had staples out yesterday is a HAPPY CAMPER! Back to his old bad boy silly man! =)

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a quick one to say hi and let you know that I am thinking of you all.

I have been doing things! I mean after then months of depression I just got up this afternoon and started sorting out old clothes, so far I have 4 bin bags to take to the charity shop. I am also feeling a bit bored and restless, I havent felt like this in I dont know how long, Im glad Im taking AB because before I wanted to celebrate feeling human with a bottle of vodka, not because I feel bad but just because I feel more like me. And me drinks. But I cant drink now so I will just have to carry on and see what happens to my mood.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space and WTE - Came in from weeding. Dang mossies are biting me to bits! I bought some stuff at Whole Foods this morning supposed to stop the itching - the dogs LOVE it but I think at $13.00 I am taking it back!!!

I wanted to agree with this :


]I suppose mostly what I am trying to say is really what Play actually said a bit ago to eloquently, and I cannot come close to quoting or finding her post but it sticks with me in my heart. I wake up and know you guys are here. To vent, to share hurts, to share silly stuff, to laugh and cry with. And for right now … I type with tears for a number of you that I know have “ouches”. Seriously[/I].


THIS really resonated with me. YES - YOU guys are here. I am so thankful for you all. I know you will be here - I know this thread is supposed to be about drinking and Topa and all - but we have sort of made it into our sharing thread - ANYONE NEW- PLEASE JOIN IN - this is awesome. I feel so at home here. You all understand and support, whatever is going on. You may or may not know that the journey thread sort of disintegrated - it all got so sad - where I used to post daily - and chat - and I have gradually moved over here. I feel safe over here. To me that is such a big thing. this whole site is about our struggle with AL. Here, we talk about that but also our lives. WE, here, help each other, love each other and support each other. I thank you all for that.

Space - that is great that you are sorting stuff- to me that means you are coming out of the depression - well, for me personally it would anyway.... I didn't know you had actually started the AB again..... good for you my friend :l

WTE - glad that Charles had his staples out. That must have been such a relief for you. Hope he does well now..... So - tell all about the date last night instead of just teasing saying you had a date....... and SO happy you have the weekend off- like me? Isn't it wonderful? I am outside (when I get off the computer - LOL) and back to the weeding. The ground is like concrete where I am weeding.....but I am doing my best

Love and hugs to all, and thank you all so much for being here for me :l:h

love, Sun XXX

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I don't care so much for the word pulpit, only as so many of my own experiences from that word bring back negative memories. Many from church. I think we all have different experiences allowing us to offer limited wisdom & sharing in hopes of not only helping others, but helping ourselves. What may help one may not help another & vice a versa. Yet, I try to be careful, as I do try to practice Mindfulness.

I am partially aware of my many ego states. Some are helpful & some aren't. I personally believe alcoholics in early recovery tend to be a bit ego centric. Perhaps, living with a Psych student is messing with my head, LOL. One that is a bit messed up already. :nutso: Listening now to Self Actualization theories.

AA teaches the cookie cutter approach when it comes to Higher Powers, which is really nice, as many of us come from a place of pain, pure crap, & no faith in spirituality. This is one positive about them. Tho I also have found emotionally harmful things there, thus why I know longer attend. Plus privacy issues. Yet, I appreciate the doors are there if I ever need ~ want to go back.

Dizzy: I've told you what a beautiful, bright, funny, giving busy bee you are. Sometimes it just amazes me that woman who have come thru such terrible abuse as children turn out to be such strong woman! I recognize you as being a strong woman!....We are Survivors! Not Victims! I too was abused as a child, repeatedly. All of it. I didn't seek pro help for the child abuses, until I was in my mid forties. I'm so glad you didn't wait as long as myself to seek help!..... At least I hope you've spoken to your PDr. about this? No need to answer!...

I do have faith that the black cloud will pass. Sometimes it will hang around for days, even wks, but it does pass! I know you know this too!.... For myself I have to get into action, even force myself when it lingers on. Of course there are days I cover myself up with a blanket & do nothing, have a good cry. Some of mine is organic. I don't think my brain ever developed properly as a child. How could it. I wasn't raised in a healthy environment. On top of that I most likely have some pre-dispositioned genes.

I think the debate about whether we are born alkies verses becoming one would be a great topic under the general discussion board. I personally believe in both theories!..... I do think that early childhood trauma plays a big role. If you have the gene & have had early trauma it can potentially set a person up later in life for addiction. I'd venture to guess with geno mapping they may be able to prove this in the future. The stats for woman that become alkies~addicts that were molested as children are high. Or any type of abuse & it's not gender specific! Also many have PTSD. PTSD treated early has better results then treated many yrs later.

I'm sorry for all your pain hun!!!.... :l I'm sorry that you were abused as a child. It's Fecking Wrong!..... But You Are A Survivor!......

Yes, use the Serenity Prayer whenever you need it. I do use it too!... It's a good one, it helps!.... Of course I like the 2nd part too. I'm also sorry you lived under the footsteps of your dominating & mean Father who was a Minister who ruled & believed that he knew how to properly prophesize the truth of the Bible. I say hogwash!.... I won't get into a debate here about this, but I will say Christ himself said to question what people are telling you & that includes ministers. None of us are without sin, not a one of us!.....

I will say a prayer for the reversal of your Dad's procedure. I can't think of the name now. Oh Topa ~ Dopa. Very glad to hear your Mom is doing well! When & if your ready to add to your story you know you can count on your Topa family to support you hun!.... By the way I have know idea who or what upset you, but like I said. When we put ourselves out there, we are allowing ourselves to all sorts of opinions, some we won't like. I know in the past I haven't liked some of mine, but later realized there was truth in it & learned something good from it. Not here at this site. Mainly in real life.

I do trust that you are making the right decision in going to London. Haveing many life experiences you are more then capable of making decisions. If you are anything like me, I over think things & can get myself confused. Some say this is alkie thinking, I don't know. Anyway, just so you know, I would be making the same decision, as I'd have to know if I could make it work. Plus I think things will be different in person once your together, then all this electronic communications. My biggest concern is the drinking getting out of hand, but your a grown woman & you can handle what ever comes your way. Also you will have Space there if you need help. I also trust that you will get the heck out of dodge if you need to as well. Now don't forget the man care package.

OK I can't see your post cause it's on the previous pg & I'm lazy, tired & a bit sore. Moving wood, plus everything else. Another cord to do today. Going fishing tom as weather will be better. Then Hubbs b-day, moving boxes, etc, blah, blah, blah....

WTE: Have fun on your date. So very happy you finally are having some fun & that Sir Charles is on his way to health & happiness. You both so richly deserve both!......

Waving Hi to Houtx. Crap I thought school was out. Teaching summer school. Well what a trooper you are!... Those kids are very lucky to have you!.....

Play: Hmm I don't know what's going on. Why do I think your flying to Spain on the 27th? Where did I get that from I posted a small pic of myself for a day & thought I looked like a "barn". Took it down. Why is it I can love others & encourage them & struggle with helping me? Oh something else to work on self concept & self esteem. Suppose moving more wood today will help.

Sun: Still thinking of you & hoping your friend is surrounded by family & friends that can provide her with love & support during her time of shock & grieving!.... Hope you get in your garden to take your mind off things!

Space just saw you popped in & your dark cloud has passed . Oh how this has made me smile & made my heart happy. You are such a beautiful ~ kind ~ soul. I so wish for you to find joy & peace! I wished I had more time to share about the Robin & her eggs. Reminded me of you & your Black birds & their babies.


Mimi: Someday, I hope to have a longer convo with you. I sense your pain is so deep. I look fwd to the day when you wake up & see how beautiful you are. When you find forgiveness & are able to put the past behind you & live in the present. I still struggle at times, but for the most part I've made it after yrs of staying there. Oh, I hope you are meeting your weight loss goals & staying sober. I found I was much happier most of the time with some sobriety under my belt. Practicing Mindfullness is being aware & living in the present moment.

I do hope you will seek out therapy for yourself. I went yrs ago for my marriage, not about my childhood abuse. Then my hubbs joined me. It helped some. Then in my forties seeked out pro help again for both. Today our marriage is pretty rock solid. I try really hard, to not wander in the past! I do at times, but I don't stay there.

Staying sober & getting a little time under my belt has really helped me with this. Forgiveness, it's for everyone in my life. Including myself!... Sometimes I think the later has~is the hardest part!.... I'm a work in progress!....

Waving hi to everyone else!

Namaste :h

Wildflowers

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi dear Wilde and Dizz, much more to post but just got home from a long day at work, which by the way, I'm very happy to have just before my trip, I can sure use the money as I will be gone quite a while.

Dizz please stay in good touch while you are in the UK, yes you will have Space if you need her, and also you can call me, if you need to you can take the train from London to France? and I will pick you up in the car, seriously, or a plane to Barcelona, really you have friends:h

Now, I want to discuss this thing that the two of you keep mentioning that that this thread is not "real life", somehow real life applies to people that you know outside of this thread:upset:, well, I think we are about as real life as it gets:h and I would like to hear more of that in the future:H:H:H

Wilde, you mentioned in the past that you had a terrible on-line experience, I'm really sad about that, I would hate to have that happen, it probably would put me off somewhat also from trusting people that I meet here, but at this point I love that I have made friends here, I love the people that I have met here and hope to meet them at some point, I do consider you guys my friends, in real life, please don't let that experience completely shut you off from being able to open to genuine people, and you have to use your heart to know who is genuine.

I am leaving on the 15th for Spain, I would enjoy emailing you with some of the details that I don't want to post on the forum but that would mean sharing personal details. But anyway, I will PM you with the details so you will know what is happening, you are one of my good friends too.

lots of love to everyone,
play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, yes, I'm so glad we are all here, we are here for a reason, I just know it, oh, I feel such love for everyone. I hear my little dove cooing outside, did I tell you about her? Well, a dove has made a nest in one of my plants on my balcony and has laid an egg, and now I have a mama bird to worry about, and I don't know how she is eating or drinking because she doesn't seem to have a mate, she is so beautiful and she doesn't fly away when I go out to water the plants, I will post a picture.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

My Dove Attached files [img]/converted_files/1877317=6846-attachment.jpg[/img] [img]/converted_files/1877317=6855-attachment.jpg[/img]

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wilde, happened to see that post, OMG, what would you be thinking to stop your thyroid medication? is this just the nurse in me talking? is there something that I don't know? did your thyroid start functioning again? Anyway, either give me a really good reason or tell me that you won't consider it again, the nurse in me says, "it's like, would a Diabetic stop taking his insulin?"

Play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Again,
You know, I generally feel no SE from the Topa, but I do know that when I am doing very focused work I worry that I will miss something important. I know that it happens and I realize it a day or two afterwards when I happen to see a chart & see something that I didn't see before, it's kind of worrisome, I try to really pay close attention, but like just now, I read back a couple of days posts and didn't recall much of the posts, YIKES, TOPA DOPA!!!

play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone..... a lovely morning here - although it is going to get very hot today. I am going to get out in the garden shortly and start weeding along the bottom which has been ignored up until now as we aren't actually putting anything in along there and of course without rain it is like concrete! I started on it yesterday and golly, is it hard going!

Wild - I did 3 years of Psych in college and found it doesn't really do a lot - self actualization is much better..... as I have got older, I have gained so much life experience, read so much and learned so much - extremely content with who I am inside myself these days which makes this Pooh Bear very happy.... no one particular religion, just being aware of others feelings and trying to do the right thing. yes, mindfulness is so important..... you are so good at helping and encouraging others yet you say you have trouble with helping you .... you need to know that YOU are a good soul, that, as I have said before on this thread, that we all have that tiny spark of God within us - and it doesn't matter what religion we are, we all have that spark in us - and as such, we all have to love US 'cos of that spark - try and think of it that way - we love God/whatever you choose to call YOUR higher power - and that Spark in us is that Higher Power - therefore we have to love US! I am not sure I am explaining it very well, but it surely helped me......

Mimi - would love to see you pop in - are you around? how did the retreat or whatever it was called that you went to go? How are things with you?

Space my dear - how are you doing? Still sorting stuff?? LOL - I find I start on one cupboard and like Topsy, it just grows and grows.... next things I know I have gone on the next one and soon everywhere is being sorted and I am suddenly knee deep in it all!!

Diz - Please - pop in and post - just a swift one would be nice - the trouble is that with you having posted so frequently and such long posts is that when you don't, you are missed too much!! I was so used to coming here in the morning and enjoying reading your posts that it gets disconcerting and disappointing when your post isn't here for me. How are things going for you? Catch us up on the happenings please...... love and hugs to you my dear :l:h

Play - wonderful pics of the dove - a friend of mine has one that comes back every year - she doesn't know how the poor thing makes it either - but they do! the nest isn't even really a nest - just a mix-match of twigs.... and the dove lets you get so close too..... She will be fine. How do you know she doesn't have a mate? Is she the only one ever there? that is sad.....

You must be staring to get sorted for your trip - we will miss you here - I know that you will still post but obviously nowhere near as much....

BOB (big Older Brother) is calling me from UK - said he will call me back in 5 and then I will call my mum so i am going to get going,

love and hugs to all,

Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi,

Diz I just have to repeat what Sun said, I also got used to comming on here of a morning and reading your posts and now your not doing that you are soooo missed. Please let us know your ok, just a quick one is ok.

When my blackbird was sitting on her eggs the male just seemed to have buggered off and left her to it, I dont know how she managed without food and water but she did. He came back when the chicks hatched, and now they are gone. I had to stop watching them it was too upsetting when I saw that one chick was thriving and the other one was certain to die. But thats the way nature is.

I have identified a major stressor in my life lately this morning, its my auntie. The one who has just lost her husband. The reason why I stopped going round to help them each week was because she is just so demanding and ungrateful. An example, the funeral is on Tuesday morning and she asked if I would go and do her hair which I said I would on Monday. Then this morning she has been on to my mum, not me and said she needs it doing today so will I go and do it or she will have to get someone else so when my mum said yes I will go round later she said well make sure its not too late. This woman has done nothing but sit in the same chair for the past well forever, but she for some reason puts pressure on people that things have to be done by 11am because thats the way she like it. I didnt even get up until 12.30. My mum lives in sheltered flats and is dreading that she will want to move in there but everyone else, including my brother seem intent on her doing so because that would be easiest to sort, I have another uncle who owns a flat there and she could move in and rent it tomorrow but it would destroy my mums life, and Im the only one who sees this. Rant over, I will go this afternoon and do her hair on my way to my mums.

Your garden gets so well looked after Sun, its so good that you take such pleasure from it.

xx

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning All, I'm running off to work, hmmm, Wildflowers, hope my comment about "real life" didn't offend, it wasn't meant to, on re-reading it I see that things come out on mail to look differently than we mean them, so apologies, I just want to be a real life friend

Play