New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone.

Well, I didn't end up posting yesterday evening - was on the phone with a mutual friend of the friend who lost her hubs - I wanted to try and let her know about the funeral today and was worried she wouldn't find out in time - we meet up a few times a year for breakfast, the three of us so wasn't sure of her phone number but she did call me back and chatted for ages - she saw the notice in the paper and went to the visitation yesterday. Is not going today she doesn't think. Also talked with a person on here who had a court case to do with a baby sitter killing his baby 20 years ago - it went to court this month - and he won! It had been ruled SIDS at the time but he always knew that she had done something. Well, he has been vindicated and he is, as you can imagine, over the moon - so I was on the phone with him for ages too......

Space I see you are back on the Antabuse .... but I understand how hard it must be to take when the craving is there for the AL - does the craving lessen? I laughed at your thinking on dates and know excactly what you mean - if I was in a position to date there is no way I would !!! I couldn't be faffed with all the getting ready and so on - as you said, to find out that they are married, a liar, or whatever!

I also know about having your daughter to stay but it being time for her to go - LOL :H I have some Gabapentin and just take 300mg some mornings and it seems like it does help me - that is the RX not the supplement. I hope your depression is getting better....

As for the dresses - good luck with them - I used to sew all my clothes years ago so know where you are coming from with the making the dresses. Would NOT like to do that now!

WTE - I did laugh - don't know about YOUR morality but mine is fine !!! :H:H Sorry - couldn't resist! I am assuming you meant mortality? My Topa brain knew it was the wrong word but it was just this morning that it clicked!! Actually it is hubs mortality that it sort of struck a cord with - he is 2 years older than my friends hubs....

Sorry you are losing so much weight with the Topa - I stay around the same actually but guinness is very heavy calorie wise. I think. I am skinny - yes, I said it - and cannot lose any more but seem to stay where I am - go down a couple of lbs but stay pretty much where I am. As for your drinking - maybe you need to get back to your charting - are you still doing that? You did really well when you were..... it is a bummer when we go back up to where we were before after doing well for a period of time.

Play - you are flying off to Spain today - ready or not. Hope you got everything sorted. I shall miss seeing you here as often but know that you will check in when you can. Good luck with the drinking there but being with family, it will probably be different anyway.

Diz - thank you for the support - I do not have a problem with the thought of my dying - I am ready - with my beliefs, it doesn't bother me at all. It is the thought that if my friends hubs can go just like that, so can my hubs......

Glad that the visa is finally sorted - that must be one HUGE stressor out of the way for you. How is your dad doing? How did his surgery go? And how about your mum? How is she doing? I know what you mean about tinctures and supps never seeming to work for you - they don't seem to do a lot for me most of the time - I did order that sc stuff you talked about so shall be interested to see how that works for me. I also tried 5HTP and that stuff just made me feel spaced out and stoned - I hated the feeling so scratch that one too. It isn't long before we will be waving you off as we have just waved Play off - gosh just a couple of weeks if that - you must be getting all your stuff together now......

Bruun my dear friend - thank you so much for your support - in case anyone here thinks I forgot my manners - I did PM you :H I laughed at Diz saying you can't just swoop in for me and not share more of yourself! LOL I have been taking the Gaba the past four or five days and have been feeling better. Today is the funeral. At 10:30 then I work the closing shift at work 2-10:30 then do a clopen!! So up at 5.00 tomorrow - probably a good thing. I won't have more than 2 drinks tonight.

OH guess what everyone? I have POISON OAK!! From my stint in the garden on Tuesday. I usually wear long sweatpants in the garden - partly 'cos of mossies I suppose, but for some reason wore shorts on tuesday - and was working down the bottom which hasn't been touched this year yet - and have it all over my legs and some on my arm too..... Ivy Dry works pretty well on the itching to a point but it is awful.... then hubs called me from work last night and he has poison ivy.... last time he had it he ended up going to the doc as he got it EVERYWHERE. He never goes to the doctor so he must have been miserable. He went to bed with a bottle of Ivy Dry too.....

Houtx - hallo there - nice to see a post - LOL But really - how are you doing? You didn't say...... hope you are doing well.

I am going to copy and save this before I attempt to post it - just in case -

Hugs and love to all and thank you all for being here for me.

Love, Sun XXXX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All

This may not be a proper Dizz sized post LOL (Space)
Just wanted to say because I paid for a speedy visa it has already been approved and is being couriered over to me as we speak.

Had an argument with bf yesterday after the application and have been pretty much sleeping since then.

I don't have the R300 to see my GP or the R800 to see my pdoc or her husband replacement in this case as she is on maternity leave. My mom did however give me 30 of her 300mg Seroquel tablets and I took 100mg yesterday at lunch time and it has had me sleeping pretty much up to now.

I will catch up with everyone's posts either later today or tomorrow. I am still feeling sleepy (man this stuff is powerful) So perhaps Space, or anyone else who has taken it, if you can give me some pointers?

I am just sending some work emails and invoices and then I'm going for yet another nap. Then I'm going to make some goulash and going to take my mom to visit my dad in hospital. He is not doing so well and he is still in the ICU ward, very nauseous and sick, still can't eat anything since Sunday. I feel very sorry for him and its very stressful visiting especially with my mom who is in a very black mood.

I felt very guilty yesterday, opting out of taking her, but after the argument with bf, and reconsidering whether I should go to the UK, I simply couldnt even get in the car and drive her over. So my poor brother had to do it.

So now I'm going to sleep a bit more and then make a kickass stew for everyone and apologise to my brother when he gets home (he does so much for everyone) and say I will take her tonight and tomorrow. Its really tough on everyone but I took 100mg of the seroquel yesterday after posting here and it just knocked me out and I was crying for hours and knew it would be irresponsible to get in the car and pretend everything was OK.

Thanks for clearing up the ex thing WTE and Space, we had a cross post, otherwise I would not have asked you for details that clearly appears before my last post. Thank you for sharing.

Sunny, I have not read all of your post but will do so as soon as time allows and Play good luck with your flight and speak to you as soon as I can.

A great big hello and hug to everyone else.

:h:h:h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Diz - please be careful taking your mums tabs - I have never taken seroquel but it sounds really strong........ you sound as if you would sleep anyway without it - I sleep when things are going wrong - I am an ostrich and just want to bury my head and sleep. Don't take any more will you......

Sorry about the arguement with b/f. you are probably both pretty anxious about the upcoming move - it is a big thing for both of you BUT it isn't something that you can't get out of. I do still think you need to go Diz - even if you only stay a couple of weeks - you need to get it out of your system. Otherwise you will always be 'what if......" You have the visa and the flight is booked. You can always come back home. Go and sleep some more and get that seroquel out of your system. You have so much on your plate - as usual. Your dad will improve slowly and let your brother do the running round for a little while - he is there too. let him shoulder things for a while. Take care of you for a little while - yes?

have a big hug from me - you know how :l:h

Love and hugs, Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sunshinedaisies;1335033 wrote: WTE - I did laugh - don't know about YOUR morality but mine is fine !!! :H:H Sorry - couldn't resist! I am assuming you meant mortality?

Just gotta love that Topa Dopa! Shezzzzz! HA!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

And good morning to everyone else … still chuckling at myself for typing that to Sun!

Space, thank you for your very kind words. And I totally agree with you about online dating, although I am tempted at times to jump back into the murky waters. It IS an awful pain in the arse to dress and primp and go and meet and it feels like job interview after job interview only to be disappointed. I call it the 10/20 rule – 10 years older and 20 pounds heavier than any photo on their profile. And I don’t consider myself shallow and can’t say I am NOT overly concerned about looks – but come on people! At least start off being a bit honest! HA!

Oh my, Houtx and I could give you guys HOURS of Match.com stories that would keep you in stiches! Sadly there is a lot of deception, but the flip side is I really have met some neat guys – two who remain friends. And then of course my HB of all time – but perhaps in reality he was really a “dodged bullet”. At least that is how I try to survive with it. Whatever it was, it was not meant to be and the Universe was laying out some lesson for me there….

There are times that I think “why”? From the outside, I look like I pretty much have it all, except that piece of the puzzle. When I look deep – I blame my AL use. That maybe I have made bad choices, passed up good opportunities, etc, etc. I am far from a recluse, although I seem to be becoming a bit of one recently and seem to be losing a bit of my mojo, hence wondering if I AM suffering from a touch of depression. Oh well .. enough about that nonsense!

Diz and am sorry to hear you are warring with your BF again. You both must feel like you are in a pressure cooker with all that is going on in both your lives. Give it some time, time together and the dust to settle and everything will get clearer. My best wishes for your parents and like Sun said, let other family help right now too. You need the break …

Sun, my thoughts will be with you today …

Thanking it is finally Friday and a few days of rest and calm in my future ..

Love & Hugs

WTE

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Quicky for Dizz, I cut my serequel and only take 50mg at bedtime. When I was taking 100mg I was zonked all day. But then my pills are 100 to start with so I just cut them in half.

My doc has just given me a weeks supply of diazepam when I told him how depressed and anxious I have been and that I keep thinking of drinking.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok Im back, Dizzy please dont feel guilty that your brother is doing stuff, you do plenty and its only fair that he does some as well. You needed the rest and maybe all that sleep is just what you needed to help get your strength back. I do hope that your poor dad get well soon and also your mum. I know how difficult it is when you are trying to look after parents.

My daughter and her bf have gone home, Im so glad, by this morning they were arguing and getting on my nerves so I was very happy to take them shopping then deliver them home.

I hope the funeral went ok for you Sun and your friend and family, then you are busy in work but dont forget to try and get some time to relax, I know you like to be in your garden but even then you are working on it, do you just sit out there in the sun and enjoy the smells and sounds.

WTE I might just give Match.com one go, as you say you have met some good people from it even if you havent found the one yet. It is sooo much more difficult as we get older, nothing like copping off in the disco when I was a young one mind you Im saying that, but that was awful when I come to think of it, theres no way I would want to go though all that again

xxx

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone, just a quick check in, wow, I think I didn't post last night, I was just so tired, am leaving for the airport now, maybe they will have "inflight gogo" if so, I will post a nice long post before I try to go to sleep, anyway, love all of you and will try to stay in close touch, once I get off that plane, it will be busy during the days, but if I get to far behind I'll never catch up so I'll be trying to post most nights.
I collect magnets from everywhere that I go, so that is what I will be getting for each of you, you know they go on your fridge to hold a picture, plus they are easy to carry back, don't take up much space, and then I have to get busy on send my sharing stuff.

ok bye for now,
play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh dear, well, I didnt expect a reprimand from Sunny (but I know you only have the best intentions at heart) and I thought Space's dose was higher. *sigh* I have read everyone's posts and I'm really sorry if I don't comment on them all.

Sunny, I am like you in that we like similar books and that we get quiet when we are down but I have never been hyper in my life when normal on not on topa. And there are quite a bit of stuff I left out in posting.

Space, thanks for sharing your dose, my mom's was 300mgs, luckily i had some common sense in taking no more than 100mg otherwise I may have been out for the count for a week or so. Thats the reason I dont really trust our shared pdoc, she's always pushing our doses, even though I tell her I'm sensitive to drugs.... So I was thinking 50-100 and 300 seemed sky high to me, my poor old mom.

Anyway, I know you may not approve Sunny but I have bad insomnia so while I have all these worries and titrating up topa I'm going to take 50mg Serequel at night. I take it at 8pm, it helps me sleep, and by 8am its pretty much worked out. I just messed around with it a bit yesterday but I wont again. The doc had my mom start on 200mg and then stay on 300mg for 6 months. Shame, it really did help her mood, but I could see she was never herself before noon.

WTE thanks for clearing up the buddy thing. Play, fly safely. Mimi, you are in my thoughts and prayers like always. Trixie, come join us, OK? Everyone else, be ye lurker or old time joiner, please come in, join us, and say hello, its so much nicer when you share a little bit of yourself.

You guys really are my best friends.

:h:h:h

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Warning: There Will Be Some Rigamarole!

Sun: Thinking of you today! Wished you didn't have to go back to work, but then again maybe it's best to take your mind off everything that's painful. :l I hope your friend in time will find comfort & peace. Oh Gawd that poor woman!... Very happy to hear her daughter is there, along with she will be surrounded by people who love & support her.

Sorry to hear of the poison oak & ivy not what you folks needed. :upset: Oh Feck.....

As for the drinking I agree! Wait until things slow down & please do it for you, not anyone else. I do have a concern that if your still enjoying the buzz more then the negatives of drinking it may not work, or last. But, at least your thinking about it, so the seed is planted. With the right nutrients it will grow. I got to place where the negatives out weighed the positives. I wrote out how my life had become unmanageable. Areas of concern were, health, relationships, finances, legal, work, etc. It made me realize that I was not in control of my drinking, that the drinking was in control of me. There were times I felt I was gaining control, but eventually ended up not being in control. In the end alcohol was no longer an enjoyable buzz. For the most part the effect was gone. I used it to self medicate.

This self medication was for physical, mental & emotional needs. Yes, I do have days I miss it. Just yesterday morning I woke up & the first thing I thought about b4 my feet hit the floor was a nice big drink & 12 pk of ice cold beer. First time it hit me like that in quite a while. Why? Because I'm run down, exhausted physically, mentally & emotionally! These are big triggers. I also have PAWS. I know I should be protecting my sobriety at all costs, but my family needs me right now. I can't hide from life! I'm thankful that my spiritual life is fairly healthy, for without that I think I would have run to the bottle store. I'm really weak at the moment. Plus the sun is shining another trigger of mine. But, those are just bygone days. I hate the fact that I'm an alcoholic, but I am!..... I remind myself it could all be much much worse!.... Yet, most the time I find I'm happier sober & content being this way! Yet, I realize contentment & satisfaction don't always equal happiness either! But life seems to be more peaceful sober & am able to handle life overall better sober.

WTE: I to am forgetting words. Yesterday I was at the grocery with my girl, we've been running around like crazy woman for 3 days & nights. I forgot what store I was at. Forgetting to eat. I feel like I'm sleep walking. Can't remember words. Trying to spit them words & sentences out. I'm so wound up, I'm not even hungry, which is bad as it's a trigger that makes me want to drink. Oh feck it's all a vicious cycle. I told the hubbs to leave me the feck alone, I might bite him. I'm being serious! I'm very cranky! Tired ~ PMS ~ All of It! I asked him to please not take it personal, it's just me right now. I need some leeway.

Being married & raising kids without a family support network is very difficult to maintain yr after yr. Now please don't get me wrong, I do love my family very, very much. But sometimes I wished I had your life. Maybe you wished you had mine. I don't know.... Want to wife swap? I'm not Mormon & God Bless those who love & treasure that faith. But, ever watch that show Sister Wives? Once in a while I've watched it & think hmm it has some perks, well mainly for him. hahaha....

I personally think Buddy Is a big Fecking loser!!!!... He lost a fine lady like yourself! He doesn't even deserve you!...... No wonder the Universe was protecting you girl!.... Now start thinking positive & maybe realign your hopes, needs, wishes, dreams, & perhaps even your personal tastes of what you want & need in a soul mate. Yes, were not getting younger, so you may have to take those traits you once envisioned in a mate down a notch, in some areas. Get out a real pen & paper. Not the PC. Please follow up with your under cover Dr. I have a weird feeling inside, go have a full CBC & Metabolic Panel. My gut, my 6th sense is bothering me. But, then I'm a bit crazy too! :nutso: hahaha I care about you!..... :l

Space: I know exactly what you mean girl about the over staying of daughters & their boyfriends. Can you see my face that smile can turn into one of annoyance! My 1st born is my boom a rang kid. She has been back home this time 18 months. Was out for 10 months. B4 that was home 33 months. The youngest out since she was 19 & then only home with her BF last Holidays, was suppose to be for one month, turned into 3.5 months. I took a holiday job & ended up quitting. I had to learn 14 software systems plus call center work, warranties, 100's e-mails, etc, my drinking levels skyrocketed, blah blah, blah. Ya think the fecking BF could chop & carry some wood up on the deck, etc blah, blah, blah.

Any hoo, I think it's cool that you are creative & talented enuf to sew brides maid dresses for your daughters wedding! Such an exciting time for you both!. I'm looking fwd to those days, but just not right now.

Houtx: Yes, were hungry for more of you! I feel annoyed & irritated lately so you will have company here. I think I need to visit the Fecking thread today. Here I promised LG that I was not going to drink all summer & just don't know if I will feckin make it! It's been many yrs that I made it a whole summer without beer, wine, or a cocktail. I've made it thru major holidays b4 tho.

When I went to OP ~Rehab they told us 1/3 of people who go into recovery stay sober, 1/3 don't stay sober at all, & 1/3 have periodic slips or relapses in their lives. Mainly due to PAWS & which type of PAWS they have. My pattern has been the latter. At least I build up some time, which is better then how I once was with my drinking. At one point it was really bad. So for some of us that may be as good as it gets. I mean no hard stuff, no daily drinking, & at least some AF time. To some this may all sound like excuses, but they can think whatever the hell they want! I'm in no fecking mood to argue with anyone who thinks they are better then me or thinks they know it all! One size doesn't fit all, period.

Any way I'm Lollygagen now. hahaha..... Remember that word? Lollygagen. Oh yeah, been meaning to ask you what subject do you teach in junior high? I think I'd like to guess. Maybe we should make a game out of it?

Dizzy: I'm so happy you got all that dreaded Visa crap done girl! Yeah!... My daughter & I did get home earlier last night & we pigged out on Taco Bell. She had me try my 1st Dorito Taco it was delicious, but after lacking food & sleep most anything may have been!

I read her your description about the stress dial & she loved it, being a Phys student & all. We were still shopping on line. Glad it's her credit card this time & not mine. Never read much at the site last night too dang pooped out!... I didn't take my Topa last night as it's doing the same thing to me. I can't sleep, SE me thinks.

I'm also very concerned you taking a high dose of your Mom's Serquel. Dizzy please don't do that! If Play were here I'm sure she'd say the same!.... I have taken Calmes Forte & Bachs Rescue Sleep they do help, but I do feel groggy next day. I really hate taking anything. I guess I'm not much of a pill person, but I may change that soon. I just don't want to see another store at the moment. My Mom use to pop pills like candy, when I was young.

Anyway, I need to fecking sleep! I can't keep going on like this. Did better last night, but still exhausted. I'm drinking tons of coffee & my already screwed up stomach, digestive system from yrs of drinking is not happy! It's just trading one thing for another & weighing out the pros & cons. I am out of my lavender oil to help with anxiety & Bachs rescue remedy so soon will get some. Along with my pro-biotic.

I'm sorry about your Dad! I think it will just take time & that it's all part of healing & your Mom & Brother will just have to deal with it. I will keep praying for you & your family!... Good for you for saying no & taking care of you!....

As for the BF I know your both stressed & when we love someone we often take it out on those were closest to. It's all natural. I think what's more important is how we fight. In healthy relationships boundaries & rules need to be defined. Much harder to do long distance or when it's a newer relationship. But, I will suggest with love & respect to try & bite your tongue with him right now & not be too demanding. Try to lay low for now girl. You will be in his arms soon enuf. OK, u can tell me to go to hell if u want. I sorta feel like I'm there anyway.

Now I have a ? for you all if you have time & care to answer. If you don't NP. I don't judge & I won't feel sorry for myself either. I'm a big girl, have dealt with a lot of things in life. Try to be understanding of peoples time & differences.

I go see my PDr this Mon 6/18. Do I tell him about my 10 day drinking run I had in May? Didn't drink everyday, most was moderate thx to Topa, but last two days over drank. Was stressed emotionally & guess what, didn't eat. Big ~ Big triggers.

Reasons I don't want to tell him. One, I don't want to have to go & see him more often. Was seeing him every six wks, but has been 12 as he had an emergency. Frankly I'd rather see him every 3-6 months as my appts are 15 min. med checks basically. Two, I'm not increasing my Topa. I can't frickin sleep now, plus my eyes are very dry with my graves disease as it is. Graves disease already makes me an extra special nutter. Ye haw.

What would I gain or lose by telling him the truth. I'm not sure? I don't like lieing! It makes me feel bad! He is my Dr. should be able to tell the truth. Plus I do some times feel like drinking mainly from physical pain, lately induced from all this moving & just too much mental stress.Yet, I play the tape fwd & I'd just be trading it in for a different set of stress & physical pain. So I think whats the fecking point? Oh Feck I'm confused. Please help if you can. Thanks. Maybe I'm just crazy or maybe I'm just an alcoholic. Oh feck to have to deal with this shit 4ever seems like a long long time. OK just deal with it today then eh!


Off to try & save my little red betta fish. I hope. He ~ she has fin rot. Was suppose to change my little tank two days ago, has rx in it, been to busy with my daughter. Big bad Elvis is in his own 1.5 g next to her. I named my red & white one after the bitchy Phi Phi O'hara on Ru Pauls Drag Race. Should have named her after my fave Drag Queen Sharon Needles, but the name wasn't ketchy. Plus my BFF is coming over with her daughter & new grandson for a short visit in a bit. Have a few new flowers & herbs I bought at the store yesterday, so want to try & get stuff done outside. Feel like I've lost time, probably like most of us feel.

Waving hi to Play up, up, up high in the sky & to everyone else.

Had this already typed & saved. Then my BFF, her daughter & new grandson came, so a bit of my post may now be old news. Have to get things done so please forgive me. I don't have time to re-do.

Take Care,

Wildflowers :h

Great idea Dizzy! Come on over Trixie & join. All are welcome! :welcome:

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Wild, I personally dont tell my doc when Ive had a drink if I can help it, the reason why is that when I have told him its just back to square one and all becomes about not drinking again rather than whats really happening for me. Today I saw him about the way I have been depressed for so long and that my anxiety is on the up again, if I had said I had drank he may well have said that is was the drink that caused it so just dont drink and come back in a month or so but because I didnt he did listen to me and altered some of my meds.

I do agree that we should be able to tell our doctors the truth but I dont think its always the best thing to do when it comes to drinking. I suppose it depends on what your wanting from the doc tho and also how you think he will react.

I also worry about the amount of meds I take, I am now taking 6 different prescribed medications plus the diazepam I got today but thats only for one week. But right now I need them so I will carry on taking them at the moment. I can remember about 10 years ago I decided to try using suppliments instead, so after buying the book, and spending a fortune on them, not only did they not work but something brought me out in a rash as well, not just a slight rash but big lumps all over my chest neck back and arms, it was not good, it was summer at the time so I couldnt cover up all the time and didnt want to go out and have people looking at me.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi y'all testing...

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

YAY - ok here we go...

Sunny, so sorry about your down/depression time. Hope you are feeling better. Life is tough - especially when we see loved ones going thru the worst of life: death. Hang in there - I love you for being the central thread here. Try not to feel guilty about the spike in your drinking. I know you hate yourself, but you will find a day where you wake up, like you've done before and either quit for awhile or modify for awhile. Don;t beat yourself up too much. It'll all be ok

Space, I love your posts! Am so amazed at you being on AB & all you have to say about it. Sorry you are still struggling with wanting to drink - that would be torture! Hang in there - you sound like a woman in control. Yes, being on match is a trip, but I encourage you to stay on it. WHY NOT??!!/WHO KNOWS??!!

Play - have fun abroad!!
Wildflowers - I loved your post! you are soooo cool and so inspiring being AF, confessing your struggles w/ it all. What is "PAWS"?? I have nmot been lollygaggen too much here...I'm teaching summer school at a rival school and while it started off rough, the week ended really cool. Mostly hispanic kids, 8th graders who are trying to graduate to HS and I have their fate in my hands!! LOL But we have bonded - too much to comment on here, but we go outside under the trees, read stories, talk about LIFE, they leave class saying "This was Fun!! I LOVE this class!" And I am amazed and happy - I must be doing something right ?!

I'm sending this part of the post b/c I'm always afraid if I wait too long I'll lose it...Part 1 of 2 I think :-))

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bebe, always love reading your posts too - so sorry you are hurting. Being on AB must be the hardest. I thought about it off & on. I just can't. I really do enjoy my wine to the point I couldn't give it up entirely. I've substituted weak vodka tonics as much as I can this summer, but they don't hit my spot. UGH - don;t beat yourself up, as I try not to. But I do...until I come here and feel infinitely better!!

Brun/Mama Bear/whoever else I missed - I love reading everyone's posts!! So therapeutic.

And now to end with my response to my dear friend WTE...We go back a few years since we first tried the Sinclair Method. I heard about this "HB" of hers and shared the stories of the "HB" of mine. HB = heartbreak. We both have the same one who kills us. So, WTE...at your story of running into him again. OMG - stinging tears sprang up in my eyes for you. Seriously. I can totally relate and have no words of advice. UGH!!!

I think I told you (maybe everyone??), after my contacts were erased after getting a new phone in January, I asked my email contacts to help me retrieve info...my HB contacted me weeks later & said he was "getting serious w/ a lady & about to move in together..." I about died. It was like a kick in the stomach...so I know (sorta) how that day must've been for you. I would've been a basket case too, gone home, cried myself to death and drunk like a fish til I was shit-faced. I think I did that night actually - LOL

I'm worried about keeping a screen open too long so will send this with CH 2 to follow right after -

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So WTE - I have just been soooooo sympathetic about seeing & talking to him again!! And for him to comment on your weight?! Saying "You're so skinny"...is that the equivalent of saying "You've gained weight! or You're too fat!" LOL ??!! UGH - I'm so sorry for your distress over this. As we know, "this too shall pass". Hang in there, gf!!

As for me, I am maintaining my drinking as usual. Maintaining. Seeing that TOPA is not making significant differences, I am opting not to use it & just trying to be aware. L-glutamine twice a day...I'm just trying especially during the work week to moderate and get enough sleep. So far, so good. I have to be up & out n hour earlier than my regular school year. I HATE it b/c I am totally not a morning person, but I can comply and am doing so...getting to school at 7:30!!

UGH - anyway, the last story I'll leave you with involves my deal on match.com. I contacted this man one night who responded back w/ emails & agreed to meet Sat. at a cool bar near downtown. In the meantime, he asked for more photos than what I had on match.com and I directed him to my FB acct. We "friended" each other. When I looked at his profile, he was "separated" as he had said, but I semi-recognized his estranged wife as someone I used to know. And they were "friends" w/ each other...I wasn't sure but thought "hmmmmmmm"...

Long story short...she contacted me. We used to work together and have several mutual friends!! We have been Pm'ing about all this & how weird it is...SHIT!! I kinda liked the man (her estranged husband of 3 wks)...but told her this is my story from 5 yrs ago...getting my heart broken, etc. and so not worth it. Told her good luck, & all that...

UGH - so another one bites the dust!! LOL