New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun good to see you back, Im sorry you have had hard times but do hope that you are really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and things start getting better for you.

Hi Nora as well

I really havent got anything to say this morning, oh except WTE, that table is fantastic. Im feeling kind of flat right now will come back later.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone

I'm afraid this will have to be a quicky as this is one of the few days I have assigned to work. I have no choice but to still work if I'm going to afford the meds I'm going to have to take along. If I'm going to see a doctor in London it will have to be private and there is no knowing how much they will agree with my current script.

At least I got a cleaning lady in for today so part of my mind can relax while I'm sitting here typing. The only problem is my poor fingers are freezing. We bought a gas heater but I have to sit at the desk in my brother's room and the room is to small to accommodate the gas heater, after a while the room smells too much of gas and you feel a bit sick.

Sunny, so glad you are back. :l

Space, sorry you are still feeling a bit down. Don't worry, your visit to the doc is soon and hopefully the two of you can then come up with a plan.

Thanks for the shout out, Houtx, I won't say my parents were abusive, my mom only developed bipolar 5 years ago and my dad only had epilepsy so we only had to deal with his anger issues once a month, a bit like extreme PMS. Looking forward to that essay.

WTE, that picture is so pretty, it must be amazing to be able to do the work that you do and bring so much joy to people's lives. My advice for now is to simply not overthink and just have fun for a bit. We can always sit down and get serious a bit later. I think the endorhins and happy hormones this young lad is bringing to the *ahem* table is just what the doctor ordered for now.

Hi Nora, and I hope you and your friends are safe, Cos, unfortunately I don't have cable so I have no idea what is happening in terms of the fire.

Lots of hugs and love.

:h

[COSGringo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Burn baby burn. You're not missing much unless you like smoke.

[COSGringo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thanks sunshine!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all ?.

Sun, good to see you back about. I hope you are able to sort things out quickly. As I am sure you know your sunny face is missed around here when you leave.

Space ? Flat is a perfect word right now. I had a weird day yesterday and this morning that describes me pretty much as well. I?m glad your DR appointment is coming up soon. Keep us posted.

Hey Houtx! Always good to see you and you have sounded so upbeat of late ? love it! And agree ? 28 is just TOO young. Still doing the L-Glut? I keep on missing some of my doses and actually feel like I am getting dingier by the day from the Topa. I have so sort this all out somehow. And AB scares me as well ? I wish I could go that path for a while but my fear prevents me, like you. To have awful cravings and know there is no option. I am beginning to wonder if I will ever really be able to mod over the long haul. *sigh* I?m back on a pretty good path right now, but still pissed off at myself for last Saturday.

Waving hello to Nora!

Coz - Hoping you are staying safe.

Diz it?s great that you got someone to help you out a bit. It?s hard to imagine your chill there ? you poor thing! I just it?s not too easy to type with gloves on huh? HA! Can you get a small electric heater? I have one in my office just for chilly mornings and when it makes no sense to heat the entire house. Don?t work too hard! When is your departure date again?

Thank you for the compliments on my ?table?. It is fun work and I feel blessed to be doing something that I enjoy. Funny how I just kind of fell into the industry 18 years ago. I was looking to buy a dog kennel! HA! When it became obvious that wasn?t to be in any area that I wanted to live, I started looking at other businesses for sale. Somehow the stars just all lined up right for me and my small shop was for sale. Pretty bad shape back then and it did NOT have a good reputation. Run by all gay men, it resembled more of a ?guys den? than a flower shop ? and dirty as heck! And my Lead Designer referred to our clients as ?the bitches of the Ranch?. LOL Funny now - but it wasn?t back then!

Needless to say ? there was lots of housekeeping to be done, of the shop AND if the staff! Scariest thing I did was fire that Lead Designer because at the time I pretty much couldn?t tell you a tulip from a Ti leaf! HA! So a pretty sharp learning curve, I dug in and starting taking Design classes as well and surrounded myself with talented and ?positive? people. It was fun to watch the whole ?tone? of the shop turn around when I got rid of that 1st bad apple.

Hard to believe that 18 years have passed already ? but I am thankful now that I am not scooping poop daily as a career! LOL

As for Landscaper ? yesterday was the first day I did not hear a peep out of him. Huummm. And yes, I think you all are correct in just going with the flow for now. I suppose it boosts my ego a bit and lord knows the laughter is good for me. And hey, I have more landscaper that needs work! HA!

I guess my tough spot is that I have found since I have grown older that I am more sensitive about ?stuff?. Relationships with friends are deeper, I get hurt easier, I love deeper, I bond faster and people in my life hold a different place of importance than when I was younger ? if any of that makes sense. As much as I just want to keep this all as a bit of ?muckin about? ? I found myself disappointed this morning that there was not even a late night TXT on my phone from him. I don?t want to feel like that! To have ANY expectations ? and yet here I sit wondering why he went silent all of a sudden. So, I guess the long and short of it is, is to stay ?out there? and not spend too much time with him.

And perhaps I am being overly sensitive right now because I had just an AWFUL fight with ?Buddy? yesterday morning that continued through the day in emails and the such. All about the dog I helped him rescue (and I am supposed to really be owning) that needs to be ?chipped? here in CA as ?my dog?. He should have brought her back out here months ago to get this done, but his life is now different with the new GF (who is driving my damn Jag!) and I understand she is now living with him. So it?s been a bit of a struggle to get a plan in place for him to drive out.

But, it was supposed to happen yesterday and he would drop off the dog and then head to his friend?s place to stay. Obviously it would not go over with the new GF if he stayed here. I will admit I was excited to be seeing him again ? I still miss him and his friendship after so many years. But, the whole plan fell apart yesterday morning when he called to say he was too tired to do the drive. I guess the GF works crazy hours and is often not home until very late so he is up until the wee hours and then can?t sleep in. He sounded the crabbiest I have heard him in years!

This is all after I changed staff around so I could be off today. I had made her vet appointment and was lucky to get it. He is stone assed broke (as usual) and so I again offered to pay for his gas out. I suspect I would have ended up paying the vet bill as well. But I do all this because I have MY ass on the line!

She was adopted from the same sanctuary that Charlie was. She is an English Cream Golden Retriever with full papers, stunning and sweet as they come. And only 5 years old. Needless to say, she is worth a fortune. I got her because Charlie was my second Golden that I adopted through them ? there was a list of 31 people who wanted her. But I had a ?stars? next to my name because they know my history and I always kept them updated on Chance (my last Golden) and now Charlie. Having NO CLUE that ?Buddy?s? life was about to change with the new GF, we both expected that we would often see each other and there would be plenty of photos of Gigi and Charlie together. UGH. I am now being SERIOUSLY questioned about updates on Gigi and pics of the 2 dogs together. And WHY do they not have a copy of her chip record yet.
You have to sign some pretty serious paperwork when you adopt from them. They hold legal right to take back your dog at any point if they feel something is ?off?. The biggest fear for them with a dog like Gigi is that she would be recused ? but then sold. So all of a sudden I am in a spot where ?Buddy? could lose Gigi and I could lose Charlie!!! So needless to say ? a bit stressed about it all. And when ?Buddy? cancelled ? we got into big time.

Still no resolution as I finally had to stop communication before I totally blew up. I don?t know what we (or I) are going to do to get this resolved. I?m dodging emails like crazy and claiming being too busy at work. But I know THEY know something is up. I can?t imagine them taking Charlie from me after almost a year and they have no clue where Gigi is. But if they think I sold Gigi off ? I?m not even certain how serious this could get legally.

Gosh this has turned into a long post. Guess I just needed to get that off my chest? I feel sad and as Space said ?flat. And stressed too. I?ll head to the shop today after all because I know if I stay home ? the wine will appear. And I do have tons of work to catch up on and my Assistant is leaving for Europe tomorrow and will be gone for 3 weeks ? so good to touch basis will her before she leaves.

Men. How do I let them make me so crazy??? BLAH!

Love & Hugs to all ?.

P&C

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey there everyone - well, today is my day off and I got up with the dogs early, then went back on the couch - and didn't wake up until 11:00 !!! Must have needed the sleep - or something.

WTE - I have e-mailed you about the dog situation - I am worried for you about it. I have rescues and know the papers that you sign. It does need to be resolved and I can only see one way out of the whole thing and that is for you to have Gigi back.....

Your work is indeed beautiful and yes, as you said, you are indeed lucky to be able to be doing something you love. Great the way the whole thing happened too - it was all meant to be.... and you were very brave too to have faith that it would all work.

Diz - sorry you are so cold - it seems odd to think of you being cold while it is so hot here. the temps later this week are supposed to get up to 108 without the heat index being taken into account, which is just crazy..... I can't imagine trying to type with cold fingers - I have a hard enough time typing with regular temp fingers - LOL. Anyway - hope that you get your work sorted today - you have so much to get done and your date is looming. Glad that you got someone in to help with the cleaning - that was a good idea.

Space - glad that you are keeping busy with the sewing - i remember doing that and do not envy you, although it is good to concentrate on something. how are the dresses coming along? How are you feeling with the Antabuse? Thanks for doing a wonderful job of keeping the thread going so well - I need to read back really and see what went on - I did read as it was going along but have forgotten it all - LOL.

Houtx - hi there - nice to see you here. Yes, I agree - this is a big group therapy thread right now. And it feels comfortable. For whatever reasons, we all seem to need it. And it suits us. How are things going with you right now? You didn't really say.....

Cos - how are things there? I haven't watched any Tv at all so have no idea....... I can't imagine what it must be like - fire is so scary.....

Play is without her internet right now - I got a text from her in Spain - had no idea who it was from as I didn't recognize the number - then it clicked - DUH !!! But as soon as she can she will be posting.

I am feeling a tad better than I was - started my AD's again - just a low dose of Lexapro, which is what my doc put me on when she took me off the Celexa. I have only been on it for 4 days so far so can't expect miracles. Compared to last weekend, I am way better but was having stuff go on at home so who knows? Still just having my 2 Guinness which to me is something of a miracle with all the stuff at home right now - but I have been having the L-Glut after my first drink and by the end of the second I am finding I don't want any more..... I am happy to stay here for now. I will go AF maybe - when the time is right. It feels good to be back among you all. thank you all for being here for me and for caring. :l:l

I need to go and do something with my day - attack some weeds I think just for a change - LOL good for the soul......

Much love and many hugs to you all, Love, Sun XXX

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sunny,

So very very glad your back! It's PM tagging. You are in my prayers beautiful, sweet, very smart, lovely, generous, super kind lady, funny lady! You are worthy of every one of these compliments & more!..... Cause there all true!.... :l

Cos, Been watching about the fires in beautiful Colorado, now spreading to Utah. Chances of it spreading to 10 states! Gosh I hope not!.... Glad FEMA is involved now. Praying for low winds, none at all, lots of rain, safety for our fire fighters & of course no people being killed or injured. No more evacuations!..... :upset:

WTE, Loved the flowers, Esp the hanging globes. Just beautiful!.....

Take Care Everyone

Love Always, :h

Wildflowers

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Theres too much to respond to but I will try and see where I get to.

Well first off, I think I did say that my taking the AB was a bit hit and miss and its a good few days now since I last took 1/2 a pill, which leads me to my next thing is I am having a bottle of wine tonight. Well I have bought a bottle I dont know whether I will drink it all or not. I dont think it is a big disaster, my goal wasnt to be permanantly AF just get sober time together, so I will go back on the AB tomorrow.

Thanks for reminding me Sun I will have some L glut now.

WTE, I had no idea adopting a dog could be so complicated, I dont know what you can do, will he give her back to you. Do you want her? I enjoyed reading about how you got your shop and how it was and that you have made a success of it, you are very lucky to have found something you enjoy. I am a bit worried about you and the landscaper tho, if it was me I couldnt help but start getting involved with him and getting hurt, he didnt text you and it upset you, think about what your doing please. You are still emotionally involved with Buddy and getting hurt there so you really dont need more. You need a man who will treat you well, put you first, consider your feelings and not mess you around. Or you may be able to take just the fun, if so go for it and have a good time while it lasts. Bloody men and relationships are soooo, oh I dont know Im not a good person to give advice anyway since Im too bloody lazy and scared to even join Match!

Dizzy I do hope you havent got too much work left to do and can relax a bit before you leave, it would be a shame for you to be frazzled when you are going. Can you take some time off to go out and eat with friends or your brother or anyone really. In a way the cold there might be a good thing, it will prepar you for the summer here:H

Oh, I have to say I didnt have a bad childhood, maybe a bit dysfunctional but whose isnt? I think I was a bit of an odd kid tho

Love to all xx

[COSGringo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks sunshine, flowers, WTE!
It's way too early for this mess and too hot for CO. Darn global warming. No one hurt yet so that rocks!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi COS whats happening there today? are you still at home

[COSGringo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Still more of the same. It's hot as h*ll here. I've never felt it so hot but I work in a basement office so I am not dealing with that.
More evacuations but it's not pushing to hard towards the city, yet. We have a lot of people fighting it. Gold bless them. I can't imagine working 16 hours on a fire line in full garb in well over 100 farenheit.
I can get out of here quick if need be but I think we are ok. Streaks of black and red glowing through the clouds. Looks like a sci fi movie. Friends made it back from the forest ok so that's good. More friends having to leave.

[COSGringo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Things getting worse here suddenly. I'll try to drop in here but have to keep an eye on things and be ready. Take care!
Sorry to hijack thread

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a quick update …..

Glock. Loaded. Drive 7 Hours. Just kidding!

Yes, the REAL solution about Gigi would be is to go get her or have “buddy” bring her here. (And TY for your email of concern Sun) He is willing to surrender her if it comes to that. To me or back to the sanctuary.

Two problems: While I ADORE her, she is not a small dog! Charlie weighs in at 78 pounds (5+ stone?) and Gigi is over 100 pounds (7+ stone?). When we fist got her she was 140 pounds as she had been over fed and never exercised. So neither small dogs – but my shop IS. HA!

Charlie goes to work with me every day. He is already a big dog to have there when it is crazy and busy, but we all work it out. Two dogs – just won’t work. And I live on 2 acres, most of which is not fenced in proper and would not even consider leaving her home alone each day as I left with Charlie.

Also there is to consider baths, loving, food, vets, walks, etc, etc that it takes for two large dogs. Charlie loves other dogs and being with them … Gigi is loving being a “only child” and in Buddy’s constant company daily. It’s not an option for me to take her.

THEN is problem number 2. As pissed off at him as I am, I know that there is not a better home on this planet for Gigi than for her to be with him. It’s why I helped him get her in the 1st place. She is spoiled rotten and yet gets great walks and is now a perfect weight and his living room looks like a 3 year old lives there with all the dog toys strewn about. Groomed daily and has a pool and has learned “to play” (she was a rescue from an older woman (79!) that got her as a pup and was never walked or played with).

It would break his heart to lose her now. “Buddy” is how Goldens came into MY life – as my neighbor all those years ago. Taking her from him would be like someone taking Charlie from me now ….

We’ve talked today – in TXT and then email. He may need to go to LA in the next few days to help his daughter move (whom we raised together since 9, now 20 (*sigh*) . But AGAIN – no firm times, days, dates, etc. I finally put the ball in his court. If he wants to bring her here and do this – FIRM IT UP. Otherwise I have Plan B. The guy can stall like no one else in this world ….

I now have to cool my jets again before I write again to tell him we CAN NOT put this on the back burner again. Wish me luck.

On the upside … Landscaper TXT me a few hours ago just to ask how my day was. Thinking you are right Space – not gonna get too deep into this whole thing. And yes Space, adopting from just a shelter here is no biggie. Adopting from a Breed Rescue is a whole other deal and they are VERY protective and selective of who the dogs end up going to.

Gigi the day I adopted her & brought her to my house .... she is now 40 pounds lighter!





Over and Out. Need to decide my plan of action.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

COS! GO SAFE! Just saw some of the news as well. Be ready and DON'T take chances please ....

[COSGringo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Winds hit 65 moved in from east and blew west into our city. My friends houses are burning down fun to watch live at kktv.com. Foot is getting good enough, tomorrow I am setting up my bug out gear. Mapped a trip to fun filled Wichita, KS. Hope the hotels like dogs and cats.

If this fire keeps going and makes it to interstate 25 I am out of here before all hell breaks loose. People barely made it out of the homes in some areas today.

Can't believe I am not drinking...