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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    TADA!

    Well, I am officially a pretty crappy liar and almost blew it a few times – but made it through it all! The DR appt that is.

    The first thing I did wrong was to do the “sign in” sheet and I put my REAL NAME down! HA! Had to cross it out and mumbled something about my “pen (writer’s) name”. I’m certain she thought I was batty! LOL

    Then I’m sitting there, and it’s a REALLY big and busy office. They call SUSAN TURNER and I keep reading my magazine. Until about the 3rd time she called it I went OOPS! That’s me! HA! HA!

    But I LOVED LOVED LOVED this DR!

    I had typed out my concerns about depression and possibilities of Remeron, Celxexa and Lexapro. I had a copy of my Topa chart which includes not only dosage and dates but my weight, etc. So he walks in and introduces himself and I pull out my papers. On the top issue is depression. And I start to cry. LOL Sounds funny now but I told him this is what I am dealing with – his response was “I have that effect on a lot of people”. Cracked me up …..

    I was 100% honest with him about my AL use, the Topa, all of it. I felt like he was REALLY listening. What a refreshing change! And he knows his stuff.

    He was not at all surprised at my weight loss on Topa as he says he has patients that request it for only weight loss. And so we moved through my list.

    Him thinking I have no insurance, he felt Lexapro would be better but would cost me around $150 A MONTH to pay cash for it. Yes, there is a generic, but it’s not any cheaper just yet. A process he was very familiar with.

    Remeron/Mirtazepine – He said he usually only gave that to people that were so bad they couldn’t even get out of bed from depression. I could have pushed, but I listened to him.

    So in the end, he felt Celexa (I got the generic - Citalopram) would be a good place to start. 20 MG in the AM.

    Sun – what dosage are you taking????

    So I am to report back in a week with a phone call with a thumbs up or down and we go from there. He said I am “tiny” so we will start with 20 mg and perhaps move up to the 40 MG. He advised me where to fill the script for the best cost – TARGET! I got 30 – 20 MG tabs for $4.00! My office visit was $40.00! Hell, I have a $30 co-pay with my insurance and then STILL have to pay the rest until I meet my $5000 deductible!

    And so, we have decided to “tick off” one issue at a time. AD being the first – then the AL. He agreed to me going back to Topa if it feels right, but he also brought up Campral and a few others …. So we shall see. He is pretty convinced that depression is causing more drinking rather than the other way around. I’m not certain … but we will find out ….

    He also feel that some therapy would be a good idea. Feels like I am just not dealing with “old stuff” such as my partner and sister’s deaths 6 months apart year ago. And the list goes on. So he gave me some recommendations and I made one call this afternoon and left a message for one gal. We shall see if it is a good fit or not.

    The BEST move I made was staying under the radar! I can’t stress enough how screwed up our insurance system is when you have personal insurance, but I would have been totally in danger had he known who I really was and this was an insurance claim. Instead I came home today spending a total of $44.00 and a DR that actually listens to me! And NOTHING on my “record”.

    So there ya go …. We’ll see how this all flys and I strongly suggest everyone keeping AL problems hidden if possible.

    With love hugs and thanks for all the support here ….

    WTE & Charlie

    Comment


      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      AWESOME WTE !!!! I am so happy that your appt went so well. I am also happy that you didn't go on the Lexapro! I know it works for many - but it didn't work for me and even with insurance it was expensive for me. The celexa - I am on 40 mg a day. I started many years ago on 20mg and it sort of helped and then I upped myself to 40. And yes, I am on the generic too. A week is not a long time to decide if it is working or not - I would have said two weeks really. But it might kick in sooner for you - and I think you also might go up to the 40 too. And I take mine at bedtime, but that is 'cos I am good at taking things at bedtime.

      I am SO happy that this all went well for you today - as I switched my computer on, my eldest saw I was on-line and skyped me and so I was an hour with her and I was SO itching to get to here and check it !!

      His office visit at $40 was amazing - I am just SO glad for you........

      It is getting on for midnight and I need to get to bed but wanted to reply to your post!

      Love and hugs,

      sun XXX
      How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

      Comment


        New here and starting Topa and with a question

        Good morning Everyone!!
        WTE.... I am sooo happy that everything went so well for you! I had some reservations about your plan, like him giving you a controlled substance and you having to slide your license... lol. I dont have insurance in the states, and all of my docs appointments are like that. Between 25 and 50 dollars when they charge 150 or 200 if you have insurance. I took my daughter to the health dept for shots and got 500 dollars worth of shots for 25 dollars. At any rate the American health insurance is a real issue that needs an overhaul. I know how you feel right now, as I felt that way when I started on my own journey. A vicious circle of drinking wine, depression, not wanting to eat, so therefore drinking more wine. I finally went on an AD. It helped trememdously. Mine is effexor. I bought the extreme pack of supps from MYO which also helped and ordered topa online. I just yesterday went up to 50 mg. I forgot all of my supps though and had a bad day. LOL..... I lasted until 4 and then hubby came home and i was on my third glass of wine. I felt the topa, and sang for him the old Adams family song.. the creepy and the spooky, they are all together cooky.....LMAO!!!! Any way, bravo you for pulling it off, finding a great doc, and getting what you want!! And yes, keeping AL off the radar is definitely important over there!
        You have been through my neck of the woods. The name of the train is the Glacier Express. I live in a city called Chur..... but shhhhhh dont tell anyone! You even stopped here. I also live in Las Vegas half of the year.
        Sun.... should you decide to come back to Switzerland one day, i have some far safer alternatives for those who cannot turn left... LOL!!! We can go sledding by moonlight although we used to do that after eating fondue and drinking white wine... followed perhaps by some kirsch (cherry brandy) you know, to keep one limber in case the sled goes the wrong way.... lol. It will still be fun moderating. Or even with some fruit tea! So, i live near Davos, which of course must be nice, as thats where the Royal family skiis, near to St Moritz, Laax, Fliims, Lenzerheide. I cant say though that I have skiid tha Matterhorn. WOW!!!!!!

        Well all, I wish you a wonderful day! I am off to pursue things so I dont get tempted like I did yesterday. I wasnt too bad, ended up drinking a bottle and a glass. But still more than I wanted. Shows me how important the supps are. I thought to skip a day to see if one of my SEs was from that. (would say it, but would be TMI) lol!!

        Comment


          New here and starting Topa and with a question

          Hi Wu - the SE that you couldn't tell us about 'cos it would be TMI is not from the topa - LOL. That is one I have never heard of being associated with topa but have heard of being associated with the supps. Have no idea which supp though. Yes, the supps do make a huge difference - although to be honest the only ones I actually stuck with were the Kudzu and the l-Glut and between those two and the topa had much success. So I do know that if I decide to actually quit, if I stick to all of those faithfully, they do work for me.

          Got to bed really late last night, after chatting on Skype with my daughter, then reading, but Hubs was getting up early to go to breakfast with a friend so said he would feed and water the dogs - which he did - then the little monkeys, after he had left, kept scratching at the bedroom door - they NEVER do that when he is in there! it is like having toddlers who want mum up !! I had to end up getting up - they might have needed to go out or something. Of course they didn't - they just wanted me up - now they are both asleep! And I am up properly. My day off today - nice.

          So - where are you Space? And Houtx? And Miss Dizzy? I know you have been around - time for a post!! How are you all doing? Play - you are coming back tomorrow I think - yes? So after you get over your jet lag, hopefully we shall see a little more of you too......

          Off outside to sit on the step and stare for a few minutes.

          Love to all,

          Sun XX
          How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

          Comment


            New here and starting Topa and with a question

            Great post, July 31, I now have 35 more days until I go back to work. I have been on the topa for a week. I am at 50 and am taking it at 3pm. I was drinking much less, started drinking my gin with water and ice. As stated earlier, I go to the gym and have achieved some great muscles but clothes dont fit because of hips and waist. My weight isn't up, just my size, I do up the topa and continuation of the gym helps.
            I can't stand the mind blips, you write something and can't remember how to spell it.
            Also, this weekend I went to visit my 80 year old mother 200 miles away, I was tired and waited on her, I slept upstairs, the bat'hroom didnt work, I woke up, she wanted to go to ER, she always wants more drugs so we went , nothing wrong, I went shopping then took her to lake, got there and a pipe was broken and water was all over the place, brother came and fixed it. I spent afternoon cleaning it up, making lunch, then dinner. then more cleaning of water put her to bed. next day made breakfast, couple hours talking , lunch, clean up, pack up , to her house, water plants laundry, then 200 miles home, laundry, make dinner. I was not in a good mood really ready to jump out of my skin, is this the topa, also drank more then I should. Mom knows I am not happy I also aim so tired.
            My sister makes me feel guilty for not going usp, she lives 2 hours away and takes her pets, whe live 4hours and have to pay to board our pets. My husband is on disablilty and is sick and has isssues so it is not easy. Sorry needed to vent

            Comment


              New here and starting Topa and with a question

              Oh Meggie - I am so sorry things are going the way they are right now. Yes, it does seem totally unfair that you have to travel 200 miles when your sister is 100 miles away. Is your mum poorly? Does your brother live near her? As for venting - feel free - we all do our fair share of it. It is always good to get it out. I am wondering if you split your Topa dose to 25 am and 25 pm if that would make any difference to you at all...... that is the way they suggest it is taken. i wish I could remember back to when I first started taking it if I was that tired. I remember having to play with the timing of my pm dose because it made me sleepy - but the odd thing was that the am dose never did!

              The mind blips - I still get those now and then - but then as I have said before can also put those down to old age! You have to decide if they are something you can live with. How bad they are for you.

              The weight didn't go on overnight and isn't going to come off overnight. My daughter is trying to lose weight too, and finally after years of wanting it to happen now, she is doing it properly! Like you, eating sensibly etc., and the weight is finally starting to come off.

              DO NOT let your sister make you feel guilty - I know it is easy to say but only YOU can decide how YOU will feel. Don't let her guilt trip you. Think it through and let it go..... you are feeling down right now so it is easier to have those sorts of feelings. You did a good thing this past weekend - you have had your turn - it is hers next!

              I am sorry about your hubs - life does sound hard for you so I commend you for trying so hard with this - and going to the gym too - that takes motivation! Hang in there meggie and come here and vent all you need or want to - we are here for you :l

              Love, sun X
              How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

              Comment


                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                Hi All …

                Hey Sun, thanks for your late night post to respond to me. Very sweet of you. Srry you are paying for it this morning, but hopefully have a restful day off!

                Gosh, came home yesterday from the DR all excited and happy that I pulled it off. They DID ask for a “photo ID” and I told them I had my wallet stolen the day before at the races. LOL It worked and she didn’t push it.

                So my DR says to take the Celexa in the mornings. But being me, and anxious to get started, I took one about 5 PM last night.

                I feel awful this morning! I had a hard time going to sleep and I am normally one that falls asleep easy and sleeps through the night without issue. I was still wide awake at midnight even though I certainly had enough to drink! Then I woke up about 330 AM with something like an anxiety thing. Started thinking about work, stressing about stuff and stomach in knots. Finally fell back asleep and I normally get up pretty perky and early – Charlie woke me at 600 AM and I almost feel like I am coming down with something. Body aches, stomach a bit off, slight headache. Weird, as I don’t normally get such symptoms or have any type of hangovers.

                Sun, my GF is on Lexapro and really likes it. Fairly new to herc - but a few months now. So of course I start reading about the differences of Lexapro vs Celexa and almost EVERYTHING I found was saying Lexapro was so much better. And that the generic Lexapro is NOT the same. And many have had to switch to Celexa because of cost it and their insurance company not covering Lexapro unless it was the generic. Etc. Etc.

                So gezz! Now I don’t know what to think! My DR wanted me to take Lexapro but because of the cash cost agreed to the Celexa instead. Sun – I HOPE I am like you because my DR as well and many forums I was reading are saying the opposite of what you experienced. That many feel “flat lined” on Celexa.

                Wu, yes our insurance / health system here sucks! I won’t discuss politics here but will say, I have no idea if ObamaCare is going to improve anything, but SOMETHING needs to be done! What I did yesterday would have cost me tons more AND more importantly scary is it would be on my record.

                This is scary stuff for me for some reason. And didn’t think it would be. I took Topa without being nervous about it, but have never taken an AD before. Gosh I feel stressed out right now! Part of it a big work “thing” but I also feel more overwhelmed than ever about everything! Could this be the Celexa?

                Do I dare take it again this morning, or late morning, afternoon and slowly move to mornings? This is an awful way to feel waking up! Could I be feeling like this because of mixing wine with the Celexa? I am SO tired and I MUST work today. Plus I am supposed to meet a GF for dinner at 530 tonight. All I want to do is back to bed!

                I was being great there for a while with taking All-One every day and L-Glut numerous times a day. I need to get back to that as well! I’ve been SO bad about even doing any proper grocery shopping so right now don’t even have any juice or bananas to mix it with. Somehow I manage to shop for wine only. HA! (not really funny , is it?)

                So, I am hoping it is just my body adjusting to the Celexa and I read that many had “flu like” symptoms for a few days or a week on it. Joy or joy. You may be right that I will need 40 mg but I guess it is better t always start slow and see what happens. I think when the DR asked to “check in” in a week, it was because he wants to know if I am having any SEs from it. I’m pretty sure he will want me call weekly as we start this thing.

                Oh, and the therapist called me back too that he suggested. Of course I had to use my fake name with her too! I’m going to trip myself up yet! But – she is NOT currently accepting any new clients. *sigh* So back to the drawing board. My new DR also suggested a medical group close by that did therapy on a sliding scale (again – thinking I have no insurance) – but I don’t know how good they would be. It’s SO hard to find someone you “connect” with!

                I did therapy for a few months about 4 years ago after my MAJOR heartbreak and couldn’t get off the sofa. But I was not crazy about the guy, although he did get me through it without turning to any type of meds. That time I DID put it on my insurance and it STILL cost me over $100 a week to see him. I’m not sure what to do about this now. Go under my real name and use my insurance, or play fake again and go to the sliding scale group to try and find someone.

                I really do think I have been self-medicating with AL for so many years to deal with past crap. Not that the past can be changed, but maybe therapy would help (?). And am still suffering daily over the most recent loss of “Buddy”. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him – and I need to get past this badly! I just want my JOY back!

                There was a great post here I found a few weeks ago where someone explained very well the different “families” of anti-depressants. I can’t find it now! Wu, I am curious where Effexor falls. My new DR also thought Wellbutrin may have been good for me as one of the side benefits is quitting smoking. But years and years ago, after a few family deaths close together I tried it for about 5 days. I felt freaky and stopped it. I just didn’t feel “unhappy” but I didn’t feel “happy” either. Flat lined I guess is still the best word for how it felt. He was quick to say “that is NOT what we want to happen to you”. I really DO love this DR. And, he was very familiar with Topa and its use for AL issues.

                My goodness I am rambling this morning! One step at a time I guess. Depression, then AL reduction and then quit smoking!

                So as a side note, and this MAY have something to do with my stress last night and this morning …. MAJOR issue with that big party we did on Friday! I come home from the new DR feeling all upbeat and open an email from the rental company. The place that I had rented all the gold chairs and cushions, etc. The FLIPPING gardener turned the sprinkler system on before they picked everything back up! So I opened an email saying we have 66 of the gold chairs and 88 white chair cushions DESTROYED! UGH! DOUBLE UGH! This is going to be HUGE! The sprinklers hit the trees and they dropped “stuff” onto the white cushions and stained them.

                I spoke with the rental company and they were talking to the owner to see where we stand. So I have NOT contacted my client yet to discuss it. AWFUL! It is her gardeners fault, but it was me that signed off on the rentals. I am just sick over it and will learn today how much $$$ we are talking about. I called and left a message for my insurance company - but I have no clue how that works since it was a 3rd party involved. I don’t DARE get my client upset as she is VERY influential in my area. I guess I will know more sometime today from all involved. Shit. The rentals alone were about $3000 and I was STUPID enough to pass on paying and extra $450 for “insurance” as the worst we have ever done is lose a soup spoon! Now this! Although I am not certain if paying the insurance would have covered this anyways. Just can’t believe this happened ….

                Is Mercury out of retrograde yet??????? HA! I AM living in a soap opera!

                And so again Landscaper Guy TXT me yesterday just to say hi. And it was his birthday! I had asked him before what he was doing and he said probably nothing – just working. But I asked him yesterday afternoon if I could take him out for a drink or some dinner. What does he TXT me back? “Yeah, we can go out sometime this week”. Well try and hold back that enthusiasm! HA! He is SO guarded.

                WU, ah yes! The Glacier Express! Does it still run? What a fantastic journey that was and what a train! Loved the glasses with the “bent stems” so you could twirl them as the train went up and down the mountains and nothing would spill out. And I remember where Chur is! Nice! And Sun you cracked me up about not being able to turn left on your skis. LOL

                Meggie, just saw your post. MY! How did you manage all of that! I never felt crabby on Topa but I sure felt tired from it when I first started – but it fades. Each time I would increase it would happen again, but not as bad. At 50/100, I was pretty my much past that, although I felt like I was ready to move up again as I was starting to slip.

                Don’t let your sister make you feel guilty – yo have very different situations. And sisters can be tough for sure! My Lil’ sister is the brat of all brats in her selfishness.

                As for the “mind blips” (love that description), they get better with time too. At least they did for me. Still had them at times, but it got better over the 4+ months I was on Topa. Hang in there – you are just at the start of your journey so expect a few bumps along the way. Topa works! And once you stop drinking as much you will be surprised how much easier it is t deal with all of life. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. I had my life partner pass of Lou Gehrigs, so I understand a bit the struggles you must be going through in caring for him. Hang in there and we are here for you. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is write and post and vent. Good for the soul I say.

                Well, I guess I had better get to some phone calls and find out where I stand on a number of issues. BLAH!

                Love & Hugs …. And yes you other guys .. where are you?????

                Comment


                  New here and starting Topa and with a question

                  I wanted to stop by and say "HI" to all of you. I don't have time to read too many posts this morning but still needed to be here.

                  My daughter was married Saturday. what a beautiful wedding but now there are so many things to do. Oh my, my house looks like a hurricane went through it. Beds to make, laundry and sort through all the wedding stuff.

                  I have been doing really good lately but blew it the other night. All my company left, I was tired and I blew it. All I could do it beg for mercy from my husband and hope he gives me another chance to prove that I can be alcohol free.

                  Has anyone tried Campral and does anyone know how to get it without a prescription?

                  Will check in later. thanks for being here

                  Mimi
                  :hitme:
                  Day 1:4/4/2014

                  Comment


                    New here and starting Topa and with a question

                    Hang In There

                    Hi Mimi ... Sorry to hear of your rough patch. My, that must be so much to deal with.

                    Plaese always come here when you need "us".

                    I have never taken Campral but my new DR and I discussed it just yesterday as a possibility in the near future.

                    Here is the link to River and you can buy without a script (I believe). I always bought my Topa thru them and think they rae a good/safe company.

                    https://www.riverpharmacy.ca/drug/campral

                    Stay in touch please.

                    Hugs!

                    Comment


                      New here and starting Topa and with a question

                      Hi there - WTE - chatted on the phone so am not going to go through your post ! i thought I had that post about the AD's but don't - darn it - a couple of folk have looked for that and no-one has ever come up with it.

                      Mimi - SO sorry you are going through this! Please - if there is anything we can do to help, let us know. PM me if you want to.....

                      I have never tried campral nor do I know anyone who has been on it. There must be a thread here somewhere about it though I would think. Try Googling it and see what comes up.....

                      Hang in there mimi - sending love and hugs to you, hang in there - you were doing so well, you can again!

                      Love, sun XX
                      How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

                      Comment


                        New here and starting Topa and with a question

                        Mimi - Have done a little searching and found this:

                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...tes-34796.html

                        that looks odd - but hopefully it will take you to the right thread.

                        Sun X
                        How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

                        Comment


                          New here and starting Topa and with a question

                          New here and starting Topa Tomorrow....

                          I'm scared to death....any support?:upset:
                          MAYAROSE:new:

                          Comment


                            New here and starting Topa and with a question

                            Hi Maya!

                            Plenty of great support here. Don't be afraid - Topa WORKS for many!

                            Please post more about what you are going through .. so we can try and help. This is a great group as you are headed on your new journey. =)

                            Hugs.

                            Comment


                              New here and starting Topa and with a question

                              Good Morning Maya - and welcome! Today is the day - there is no need to be scared of Topa - are you starting out on the 25 mg? I didn't even know i had taken the first dose - it was very anti-climactic! Come and post and let us know how you are doing. Share if you want to. We can all support - lots of it here!!

                              Hope to see you,

                              Hugs, Sun X
                              How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

                              Comment


                                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                                Hi Maya!!
                                I looked up your other posts... dont worry about starting topa. I am on week 2, and its really not as bad as you think. Please try to get the supplements, like the all one and the kudzu, and Lglut. They help alot. I was also too scared to begin my last time around, that was in 2006!! The cravings do go away, many here have had alot of success. Please let us know how we can help you. This community is so supportive! I by the way also am a wine drinker, so i completely understand. please feel free to pm me if you dont feel comfortable posting just yet. It took me almost a month to post the first time. LOL!!!! Now that I started though, I am not sure I havent chased people off!!! I sure hope not.... Anyway, we are here for you.......

                                Comment

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