New here and starting Topa and with a question

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone,

It's been a challenging morning with the 3 year old. Oh my goodness, she started out in a very rebellious mood. things have calmed down now and I hope the rest of the day continues to go smooth. This is extremely unusual for her to be so naughty but she did recently turn 3.
If I did this right you will see a picture from the wedding venue that we used for my daughters wedding. Very beautiful.

My goals: be completely AF. I am not taking anything at the moment because I don't really crave alcohol. I don't get into trouble until I take that first drink and then that just isn't enough. I will see how I do and re-evaluate that decision in a few weeks.

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

okay, so it didn't work. No pictures sorry. Just don't know how to do it.

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks so much for the fast reaction Sun. I have found to have no real cravings, just my own habit. thats ok, and i can break that much like my smoking. i HAVE BROKEN THAt... almost.... ok must break this post post offf

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo - not long in from work and winding down so I can get to bed before the dogs wake me in about 5 - 5 and a half hours!! Yes, I do need to train hubs better - he IS better at getting up with them and letting them out but needs to stay up and feed them - thing is then they want to go out again - so it takes at least half an hour when you first get up with them - and he gets to bed around 2.30 - 3.00 so I can't really blame him for not wanting to do it !! The problem is that when he goes back to bed they leave him alone - with me, they don't !! Mummy has to be up!!!

Anyway I am off tomorrow and hopefully will get to doing some stuff in the garden like pulling out more dead flowers. Also plan on making some more raspberry cream cheese cupcakes - sorry Wu - totally forgot about the recipe - will PM it to you tomorrow sometime!

Mimi - good for you planning on being Af - you do so well - I think hubs should be proud of you for doing so well - a slip now and then is okay - you really do well otherwise - you are HUMAN for pete's sake !! I am proud of how well you have done even if he wasn't !!

WTE - love the idea of Charlie waking you up with his face and doggie breath! Gosh - your bed must be high! Katie can jump up on ours, but daisy can't 'cos of problems with her back legs - we have no idea what problems - it happened before we got her, but laugh that yours is so high that just Charlie's face shows to you. And no, no worries, I do not plan on quitting smoking in the next few weeks !! Maybe when I am there we can get you eating more snacks...... hate to say it but I am not good at eating meals as such - would much rather graze...... and usually have my grazing foods within reach.

Wonder what the gopher chaps will say? I am not sure what you will be able to do......I so hope you can find a good solution.

I must get to bed. It is gone midnight - both dogs are sound asleep! I am so tired. Teeth brush and face wash time.

Love and hugs everyone,

love, sun XXX

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning All!!

Its a cloudy day here, thankfully. I dont know why that makes me sooooo happy! Oh wait! Could it be because here in Switzerland they have no air conditioning!! Din Ding Ding ding!!!! So every summer, i think I am escaping the dreaded Las Vegas heat by coming here where it doesnt get up to 117 degrees. Right. Wandering through my house yesterday trying to find the coldest part of the house. Taking three showers to try to make it bearable. Thanking God when the sun goes down. Hubby came home, and I asked him, why do we continue to torture ourselves year after year? Why do we always say we will buy an air conditioner but never do? 90 degrees with 40 percent humidity and no air conditioning is like a prison sentence! Oh..... and I really just want to walk into a CVS, and buy some melatonin, and some pills which I really dont know what it is, but I know they work. I am tired of buying things that somehow are the natural remedy, and dont work. I read on the suppository box that it is Glycerin.... glycerin!!!! you mean I could have just cut a piece of soap and tried to use that?????? really???? OK.. all joking aside, thanks for the tip sun!! Funny thing is, and you can ask any of the white wine drinkers here, that this is a very unusual problem for us. In fact... its usually quite the opposite. HA! Stole that from you WTE!!! lol.... So my BFs birthday party should have cured it. oh well... the pain continues until I can get myself to a pharmacy for the herbal remedy... or buy some figs, or perhaps some dates.... hm.... maybe I should just go ahead and drink some Grappa..... for those of you who dont know what is, its the italian version of a 44 percent alcohol made from grapes. It helps with digestion, and has been very effective in the past, but I have a real aversion to strong alcohol. That reminds me of the first time my eldest daughter and I were in a pub, not really a pub, but a restaurant that serves no food, here, when she was 19. She called across the room.... Mommy, what is schnapps? Wrong question at Christmas time in a room full of men celebrating and drinking, practically an invitation for someone to order a round. Schnapps is a cross between tequila and Jaegermeister with no sugar... vile and discusting. I still make fun of her for it. LOL!!

Mimi.... mine is four and still that way!! We must be almost in the same age group as you have a daughter that just got married? Anyway, you must be on day 4 now? I sooo wish that would be me!! And I totally agree with Sun... we are all human, and will slip..... you are doing fantastic!!!!

WTE....I sure hope that you can get the gopher thing under control easily, and without to ruin your lawn. Hopefully there are other possibilities other than poisons...... Your dog sounds so cute!! I wish I had one, my huny buny tells me always no because of my traveling, but i might just go behind his back next time I am in the states.... HA! I wish I could have one of mine back, but I dont want FIL to worry. He cooks for them! Organic beef, 7 grain rice mix and carrots every day!! He walks them around 10 miles a day! Its like a doggie paradise!! As for the electronic ciggs, it really is a trial and error process. I am sure I bought at least 11 different kinds before finding one that I liked! Even now, its all about which liquid, which I am still working on. I have eight different kinds, but havent been working on it, as like you, i figure one thing at a time. I got the depression under control first. Thats why I wrote so much yesterday about my effexor. Now working on the AL. Its not easy for me, as I have this other issue, and well yesterday I messed up again as i didnt take the supps. I just needed some relief! Later today I will do some research on the various things I am taking. Once I get the Al under control, i may, or may not.. (smile) work on the smoking issue......

Sun......I look so forward to your posts! I would come help you in your garden if I were there! Dont worry about not posting the recipe, I have time, but they sound so yummy!! and no problem with metric!! I switch back and forth with ease.... one has to!! I keep thinking I would love to make some yummy gourmet cupcakes like we have in the states, but cant find any recipes.... strange. I so need a pastime over here... something to do!! Hubby wants me to take my little one to the public pool. Um... hello?!? I am from the southwest, calif, AZ, Nevada..... I dont touch water unless its like 80 degrees. Here they think 70 degree water is "refreshing". I think its ice cold. And I end up spending like 50 dollars to go. LOL>.... um no!! I am getting super homesick. I love him, but i know I am not far off from buying a ticket. Yes its nice to have an apartment here, and no one here understands it, but its not the same living in MY APARTMENT and living here, in my in laws apartment. I cant decorate, these are not my things. ALL of our stuff is over there, including my hypno cds. When we made the choice to move to the states we sent a 20 foot shipping container over with all of it. Here, we have purchased a few things, like an 8000 dollar waterbed, and a new couch. The rest are all things from his childhood, which I dare not disturb. Only he can do that. One likes to be cozy in their own space, and that is not how i feel here, not just yet.

Dizzy... thanks so much for the info. Hubby thinks I should register here so I would be able to get health care insurance, he thinks I am a time bomb... in his words. I have many of those symptoms, but not all. No BC in 3 years, but also not pregnant. And now its too late but thats ok too. Some other issues, maybe menopause, though it would be early compared to those in my family. Normally doesnt start for another 10 years. I have had 5 periods since mid may. very strange. oh well....

Well, love to all of you, and hope you all are having or about to have a wonderful day! XXOO

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone

I'm so glad its weekend. I've been getting more up and about this weekend but I still havent gotten around to meeting people so hopefully bf and I can meet up with a friend of mine and her husband at Hyde Park tomorrow. They have a big screen there where they show all the olympic events, sounds like fun.

Still doing bf's expenses today, its a bit of a pain in the arse but it has to be done and as I'm not busy and he's out there breaking his back at work, its only fair that I help out.

I made a yummy seafood dish yesterday with mussels, prawns and large mushrooms in a white wine and cream sauce with a little bit of added thai green chilli paste and basmati rice. Well, bf really liked it, which always scores some points. He's a big foodie and have eaten at some of the best restaurants so while I can cook I still get very nervous every time I attempt something new.

Wu, something that is totally natural, just 80% fibre really is Psyllium husk. It doesnt cause any cramping or makes you 'have to go.' If you consider that bran fibre is something like 8% fibre, just imagine something 10 times stronger than that as a bulking agent. You just take it with lots of water and it really helps. I always keep some in the house.

PCOS is very common with woman and the only way you can know for sure is to be checked out by a gynae. Or if you are curious a insulin resistance test is also a good indication - it usually means that you will be picking up weight without any real reason. I can't remember now what you said about where you stand on the weight issue, it seems all of us are either trying to lose or trying to gain.

WTE, the expenses I'm doing is actually very easy so I don't need quickbooks. Its more a case of finding bf's slips from the last four months throughout the flat thats the big problem and then sticking them onto pages according to weeks, scanning them in, and writing them down for his accounts department. I'm just not always sure which is company expenses, which he can claim from his tax and which is personal expenses... Ah well, I'll just do the best I can today and he can bloody well finish it off himself over the weekend I just mean he has to give it a once over to ensure that everything is there as I was obviously not the one traveling around the world and using backpacks as filing cabinets...

A lot of AD made me feel odd at first and I'm afraid you'll have to give it a month if you really want to give it a proper shot. I didn't mean stop it, I just meant I often had to start at half the recommended dose and titrate up at half the recommended dose each time to make the SE manageble, that way you'd still get to 40mg but you won't feel the anxiety or sleep problems as much.

Sun, its so nice that you're going to visit WTE. I'm jealous that you guys get to do that but think its awesome. Today is nice and sunny here in Windsor and hopefully bf gets off work early so we can go and take some pictures of Eton tonight. Want to ask him if we can perhaps go for dinner there. Did go out in Windsor high street 2 weeks ago and was shocked at how 'low class' most of the places were. I was expecting posh and upmarket. Not that I'm a snob, I like informal, but these places tried to look fancy but inside it were all 'meat markets' with really loud people and girls dressed in dresses that made the girls standing outside the local strip club look well-dressed.

Did find two pubs that are nice and have good food though. One is just and English one with great steaks and burgers and another one is a very odd combination of an Irish pub with a Thai restaurant. Well, perhaps its not odd to you but the fragrant basmati rice definitely made the place smell much nicer than the average pub. And as bf's Irish the barman 'forgot' to charge us for 4 drinks AND the two curries came with a free bottle of wine. Yikes. Well, at least the thai coconut lamb curry was filling, we lingered to watch some of the Olympic Gymnastics and I had a bottle of water too so didnt feel too bad at the end of it.

I better crack on with these boring slips.

Have a great weekend everyone.

:h

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok, so back to post again! I couldnt see everything last post, as it was the new page, and so many new posts! Some of which i didnt respond to yesterday as i was busy drinking too much.... probably a result of the party i went to... sigh.... tapering down again.... gggrrrr!!! a work in progress!!
MIMI.. I wish we could see that pic.. it must have been just beautiful!

For any lurkers... I post alot and put it all out there, as i believe that people need to know they are NOT ALONE. I started reading this thread at the beginning, spent a day reading it, fast forwarded a hundred pages, then went to almost the end and found it was full of the most like minded people with open and understanding hearts. I lurked, and with a sad heart noted that its really about abstinence now. and some have alot of judgement. But there is another way out. And it does work. Read the book!! Its amazing! For some, there is no other way then abstinence, but for other, moderating does work. Joy does come back, as well as life!

WTE.... thanks so much! I dont worry too much about my smoking at the moment, and neither should you. I didnt mean it that way.... really. You seem like such a together and wonderful person that i was surprised, and even about sun! I guess great minds think alike! lol!! Now all we have to do is get addicted to ras cream cheese cupcakes, and we can make a club!! lol! I am kind of jealous of your little get together..... wish i were home so i could jump in my car and meet you two for lunch or something. That would be wonderful! I soo hope you get through this first time on your celexa. I really hope it works for you. I looked it up when Sun went back on it, to see if it would be a good match for me, but it doesnt seem to be inline for my anxiety. My biggest issue is that when the smallest thing happens, i get chest pain. which turns into elevated heart rate, then a bottle of prosecco. of course i never have told a doc about the last part. dont need that on any chart. nope! I guess thats why he put me on the effexor. That combined with previous bipolar issues, which perhaps is really only depression. I dont really know. I havent been on a true bipolar med for a long time, since a doc tried to put me on lithium and i ended up in the hospital. Since then, i have been self medicating with wine I dont trust those kinds of meds. Other than depakote, which made me feel more normal than at any other time in my life. but its much like topa, an off label script. Maybe you might do better with effexor.... one never knows. I too have a past that always prevents me from enjoying the present. Why do we choose to think about things that truly dont affect our future? Other than by our own doing? Ok, lets forget about it and all go on a cruise!! next year!! the first MWO cruise! HA! Oh, and I sadly also didnt eat yesterday. I have a fridge full of gourmet things to eat. Prosciutto di parma, italian french and swiss cheeses, the best bread in the world, every kind of fresh berry, and ingredients that would make any chef drool. I lost a kilo. 2.2 pounds. Thats ok, as i can afford it, 5 foot 5 and 132 pounds, so no problem, but... um.... could be in the future with the topa.. we shall see. I remember days like yours yesterday. forcing myself to eat. making myself get anything in, even a can of soup. or taco bell. anything but anything. Taco bell yumm!!! I have spent at least 500 dollars this week at the grocery store, and i want taco bell.... have some of the world best foods at my disposal in my home, and am salivating for taco bell... just lovely. LMAO!!!!!
Sun.... thanks so much for your kind words... I feel so much better knowing its ok for me to post alot. it helps me too! As i stated before, i think its also important for lurkers to know they are not alone, and for newbies who arent posting too much to know that someone is listening and cares. I did post in another place in the beginning, but didnt feel so welcome. Read lots of stucks posts, and I still enjoy them. very amusing!!! My BFs situation is a little different though, as he GF is jealous of me, and thats just not my thing.... plus she is a very jealous person, which was actually the problem with my BFs ex hubby. So she has actually jumped from the pan into the fire. There will be other troubles as well, as her and hubby had contracted to build a house for a million dollars, along with a month old audi, and credit cards that she is still using, and he still loves her. Its a real disaster, and about to explode. and brings me untold stress. He worried last year when i came here, and was jealous that i would take her away from him, then he allowed her to have an affair with a woman who ended up taking her from him, and i ended up trying to clean up her mess, trying to keep her as a friend at the same time. I have a huge heart, and cant bear to watch anyone going through pain.
And i ended up drinking more. I actually was ok before this disaster, had already started to moderate on my own with the occasional slipup, and no morning cravings. And that night at my daughters bar, with the five glasses, those glasses are not the ones i tell you about on here, i always give you here the american version of a glass of wine. a glass over here is half that size. as in a glass here is 1 dl. so, 7.5 dl in a bottle, but what i am telling you on here is 2 glasses in a day, meaning two splits, or 4 dl. So i was completely gone with not even one bottle, when i normally drink 2 bottles in a day! Thats why i am suspicious that someone put something in my drink. And at my friends party, i was clear headed after having no idea how much i had, as i knew i would drink! They kept filling all glasses, and not normal champagne glasses, but wine glasses! Thats why i thought about a gallon. Could it be that I was so clear headed because I had taken the topa, and sooo much kudzu and l glut? i took alot to protect myself from wanting too much, as i knew it would be stressful. I really dont like her partner. And on my 3rd night here, when i met her and the 3 of us went out, thats when she left her hubby. As if i get here, she felt comfy and i didnt tell her no, so she just didnt go home. I thought she was crazy as one should never make life altering decisions under the influence.
Regarding topa, when does this subtle thing happen? I showed hubby the scale in the book, to help him understand where i am on it, with 50 mg. I just wanted him to know that its not a magic pill. I may slip up and might not. And i did do the spooky adams family dance that first day on 50 mgs!! Now i am seriously thinking of going up again to 75, even though its a couple of days early. I too enjoy the tingling in my feet as it lets me know i bought the real thing. I havent gotten my 25s yet, so they may have gotten caught in customs... ??!? Expensive loss.... if so. I hope not.

Dizzy.... I soo have been where you are right now. This whole mess, with me coming and going back and forth between these two countries started with me moving in with a bf, who later became a hubby then an ex. Either way, i can so understand you. Being in a new apartment with a new BF in a new country sounds so fun, but the vacation does end doesnt it. Reality sets in, and you are building a new life together with the stress of living in a new country. He sounds like a real charmer though! I have a wonderful husband that i adore, but i too miss the freedom of being alone at times... lol, when i am home... i know.. evil person that i am... lol! Its just so nice to not have to cook, or clean, or actualy do anything! I miss that too! Plus, when i do clean, it takes around 1/10th of the time over there....dont really know what the real difference is, other than carpet...... 2 hours, and i am done with the whole house, here, its non stop, the whole day if i am diligent. ggrr... and well looking pretty all the time, that takes me forever with any type of humidity, so i can just imagine! I sure hope you start to get a little more settled in soon! Cant wait to see some pics also!!
I have similar issues with PMS, and 8 or 9 days of suffering. I need to get it looked at... so i guess i will get some insurance, but i soo want to go home.

Well, i hope you all are doing well today, and having a great day!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning to you all!

Well - hubs did get up again and let the dogs out AND fed them - and then came back to bed - Katie jumped around on us and Daisy kept jumping at the bed and eventually he said "are you going to get up with them?" I told him I had had 4 and a half hours sleep! Two nights running.... he said this 5.00 - 5.30 feeding is silly - but that is when I usually get up 'cos of work so they are used to it. Anyway, I ended up getting and staying up. Thought about going back on the couch but haven't in the end..... had my cup of tea and a sit and stare on the steps outside with the dogs and I am fine.

Yes Wu - everyone is so surprised that I smoke - I am a veggie and that usually in most people's heads mean I am a health fanatic - LOL. I also ride an 850cc Triumph Bonneville !! Something else people are surprised at. I stopped when I was pregnant (smoking not riding) and then started again 26 years later !! SO STUPID. I do need to stop after my visit to WTE though. I WILL make a concerted effort. (concerted? that word sounds wrong - is it the Topa?).

I agree with you that WTE might need to come off the celexa - I was taken off the 60 mg dose 'cos the FDA had been finding people were getting heart arrythmia on it - my doc did an EKG and I was one of them - but I am beginning to wonder if that might be a problem for WTE..... WTE - I have e-mailed you.

Oh WTE - I did find at the beginning of the Topa thread where I had googled comparison between Prozac (for some reason) and other AD's and it came up with all the different AD's. So you might want to try that.

Wu - and WTE - my I saw a shrink way back when I started the celexa and she was awesome! She changed my life. I was SO lucky - well, who am I kidding - luck had nothing to do with - I was meant to have met her - and I saw her for about a year and the pieces all just fell into place for me re MY past! Didn't do a thing about my drinking but it wasn't really a problem then - I remember asking her about the fact that I did drink most days and she said that she always went home and had a glass of wine !! LOL. but it is really hard to meet the right one - the one that you will click with and that thinks the same as you - it is worse than finding a partner!

And talking of partners - Wu - I understand your feelings re the GF and her partner - my best friend in UK's partner was jealous of me too - I tried to make her understand that she had nothing to fear from me, that my friend and I had known each other since I was 16 and that we were close - but not in that way! We are all fine now but it took a while. I am sorry that your friend seems to be jumping into the frying pan from the fire (or the other way round) but it is her life and she has to do what feels right to her.

Re the Topa - it is best to follow the titration schedule and not go up early. Really. It doesn't work any better if you go up faster and can even not work - trust me I speak from experience!! The subtle thing for me started working about 4 weeks in - just now and then and really kicked in for me about 5 weeks in. but it is so different for everyone.

Hi there Diz - I laughed at your description of the way the girls were dressed !! I must admit I thought the same when I was in UK but then also think the same here when I see girls dressed to go out - I feel like telling them to cover up!! Guess I really AM getting old - LOL. Even the way some of them come into the store - I would NEVER go out dressed like that. I wonder if they have mirrors at their homes!

Glad you are enjoying your cooking - although if hubs was a foodie it would make me nervous too. Because of our shifts and the fact that he eats meat, I never cook for hubs - we both sort our own food. Which is just as well - now and then I will make something and he will have some but not very often. I did a tomato pie the other week and he liked that.

Hope you enjoy going to Hyde Park - you really are making me feel homesick when you talk about England - I am smiling too at the odd English expression you are starting to put in your posts!

Wu - I feel for you with no AC - our temps are still awful - but at least we have the AC indoors! And I agree with the swimming too! Yes, I switch back and forth from metric to oz to cups - I have a veggie mag from UK that I subscribe to so that is in metric then pick up an English mag in the store that has the recipes in oz/metric and of course all the recipes here are in cups. I LOVE the raspberry cupcake recipe - they are so moreish! I will only get organic raspberries though so can't always get them.

I feel for you living in your in-laws apartment and not being able to decorate - it would feel like living in someone elses home. Which of course it is! Gosh, I wish my house was so quick to clean - or maybe it is and I just procrastinate a lot - LOL.

I have rambled on enough. Need to get going on my day. Must make out my list - I LOVE lists!

Hugs to all,

Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all …

Sun: I don’t know how you function on 5 hours of sleep! I am dead tired if I fail to get in a full 8 hours most nights. Which was never a problem for me before!

We’ll have to go grocery shopping after you get here to find “grazing foods”. HA! I didn’t do much better eating yesterday but I DID make it to the grocery store to buy juices and bananas, etc. for my All-One. So I will get back with that program this morning. Like you, I feel like I just get lazy about it sometimes. I sure was feeling much better when I was taking it every day – and drinking a lot less. It was another 7 glasses or so day again yesterday. UGH. Poured the rest out last night before I went to bed so no temptation this morning. I’m beginning to think that wine has a much different effect on my with taking this Celexa. (?) Not when I drinking it but I sure feel wicked when I get up in the mornings.

Yes, my bed is really tall. Charlie pulled his same trick this morning. LOL He never wants to go right away when we get up, and I can’t let him f it’s still dark because of the coyotes. But he expects his breakfast before I can even get a cup of coffee made. HA! Then he snoozes in my office for the next hour or two and wants out about 630 – 700. It’s tough in the winter when the days are so short and I have to wait longer to let him out. While I have part of my yard fenced in, there is a very steep hill behind which he wouldn’t climb – but the coyotes come down it with ease. I don’t see them as much since I put the fence in as it blocked one of their “paths” that they used to cross my property on.

WU: I didn’t realize it got that warm there! That humidity would kill me. You could get one of those potable AC units and move it around. I used to have one before I put central air in and it worked pretty well. We don’t often need AC here but there is always a few days/week that we get some real heat and it’s nice to have.

As for your “issue” – agree. Not usually a problem for white wine drinkers! My Mom’s favorite remedy growing up was stewed prunes and apricots for breakfast. I think she just added water to the dried fruit and let it cook until they were soft.

Yes, Charlie is a cutie! =) I will have had him one year come September – he’s a rescue. Quite a personality and LOVES everyone. He’s a great shop dog and loves all the attention he gets there. His name really should be “Velcro” as once you start petting him he follows people around my shop for more. LOL

Diz: The paperwork sounds boring! HA! But good on you for helping him out – very sweet. And your seafood dish sounds fantastic!

Yes, I’m trying hard to get through the early days of this AD. Maybe I should have started lower than 20 mg, but I’m here now so trying to ride it out. I took it at 800 AM yesterday morning and was able to fall asleep at a normal hour. But then again woke up about 2:30 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep. Starting thinking about the holidays and my stress level was just going through the roof. I wake up all shaky and anxious and it feels wicked. But today is only Day 5 …

Hope you have a fun weekend meeting new people and being out and about. I love discovering new places. I wish I felt more like that recently – hard to get me out of the house these days, even for work!

So the gopher people came and it was actually a chick about my age. HA! And taller than me! She thinks I have 2 gophers one end of the lawn, which is in Charlie’s area, and another one outside the gate. They are not cheap! $160 for her 15 minute visit! But she set deep traps and then put wire caging over them so Charlie could not dig – although he has shown no interest in them at all. Then we put logs on top of that to hold the wire in place in three spots. It’s not as effective as bait, but I just can’t take the chance. On the outside of the fence, and area Charlie never goes, I did let her use bait. She opened up these tunnels and then pours granules down in and covers it all back up so it’s pretty deep. Hate using poison anywhere on my property but it is much more effective than trying to trap. We’ll see … I am to call her if/when I see any new “mounds” in either area and she comes back out at no charge. I have a feeling this is going to be an on-going project as this lawn is right next to my bill hill. Perfect wildlife area.

And I have/had the most beautiful lemon tree for the past 13 years I have lived here. Perhaps 25-20 feet tall with the most wonderful lemons all year around. A couple of months ago the leaves all started turning yellow and the fruit started to drop! I thought maybe it was being over watered, so cut the water back. DUH. It looks awful now and almost all the leaves are gone. =( So I called an arborist out and I have Citrus Beetles. They are in the trunk and keep water from going into the tree. He said there is nothing that can be done other than TRY and really water it and fertilize it and hope for the best.

So I asked this chick about it yesterday. For $40 she would put down a systematic that she said MAY work. A systemic??! That is like adding poison to the lemons. I would not be able to eat them for 1-2 years! Makes me wonder how much of such things happen in commercial vineyards. I said NO THANK YOU! I would forever wonder about the fruit even after a couple of years. I’m just going to keep fertilizing it and giving it lots of water and hope for the best.

The arborist said if it shows no new growth in a month or so, I should cut it down. There’s a chance the beetles will infect my orange tree and tangerine tree, etc. Makes me so sad! More shit I just feel overwhelmed with – hate this feeling.

Never did find a therapist yesterday although I looked online at the place the DR suggested. Many do NOT work on a sliding scale and all are about $120-$150 per hour. The ones that sounded like they could be a “fit” for me were the most expensive. Just unsure if that is a road I should take or not. It’s partially the cost – but also just unsure if it would help anything or not.

Well, off to make my All-One and try and feel better. Hope everyone has a good day …

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

You crack me up sometimes Sun!! stopped smoking not riding.... lol!! And regarding the therapist... um, i had a long term relationship with a therapist that was one of the wackiest people i have ever met. I love him dearly as a person, but before he met me he was in a clinic to treat alcohol and drug addiction. Many therapists end up that way. I am a therapist too, just not licensed.... lmao!! It is true though, finding one that matches is very important. I had a psychiatrist once here in Switzerland, trying to do some work on some old issues back in the early 90s. I told him about a strange dream i had, and he thought it had really happened! That was before my german was as good, and that therapy was in English. Um, it took 3 appointments to clarify that mistake. So no more therapy for me over here. lol!
Regarding my friend, yes, i do want her to be happy, thats of course most important. She has only been married for a year and a half, and the divorce will get messy, but at the end of the day, one needs to be happy. Thats part of what all of us are looking for here right? I was at her new house for the first time, and I can see very clearly that she is much happier. She has found a part of herself that she was missing with her husband. Their home was a disaster, in that it was cold, not comfortable, and not made into a home, which is not at all like her. The new one is very homey, and just feels good. One feels welcome.
You said it exactly. Its like living in someone elses house. I am very grateful, but, um... you know? easily a million dollar apartment. Last year we were sleeping in their rock hard bed, and i had a bad conscience as she gave us their bedroom, and had taken a small guestroom with a twin bed. Very grateful, but with a backache, and a bad conscience, and then she stopped coming, and started going to her other home where her hubby was living. Then i had a really bad conscience. Although it is closer to her job, she had been living here seperatly from him for 3 years. But going to his house and cooking and cleaning and walking the dogs everyday. So i went home. thinking maybe it was me. But she never did start coming to this home again. Yes, i know that these are not proper sentences, I am educated. My heart speaks more like chat... lol!!! Sorry!!! So i look at the curio cabinets on the wall, paintings from 1967 painted by my hubbys uncle, antique baroque furniture that belongs in a castle, persian carpets, italian modern furniture, and other misc hodge podge things that i have no idea what to do with. lol!!! Oh, and if i cleaned for 5 hours everyday, i wouldnt finish.

WTE.... I am so sorry about you lemon tree!! Thats terrible! Oh, and I truly hope you will be able to eat agin now that you are back on the all one. That stuff is amazing isnt it? Thankfully Sun told me about blending it. Regarding the Ac, yes, thats what i was talking about, as we have no duct work here, the heat is radiant, which is wonderful. I tell him every year, and every year he agrees.... and every year we dont get one and he tells me to go to the pool..... yuck! LOL!!! Then he tells me how bad the weather is going to be and its not.... gggrr!!! If I make it to the end of summer i will just go buy one when they go on sale. They always go half price at the end of summer...... I know, i must sound like I am jewish.... i just Love not paying full price. lol!!!

Oh... Diz... i did want to comment on your food... it sounds wonderful!!! I love mussels, and prawns, and anything thai!!!! and mushrooms!!! Yumm!!!!! I may have to book my next flight through london!!! lol!!!

Have a good one all!!!! XXOO

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thank you all for your encouragement. It means a lot.

I have to admit that my hubby didn't say a word about my drinking the other night and I am so grateful for that. It makes me want to work harder to stay sober and to not let myself, my family and God down this time.

Day 5 and I am going to continue to add days up.

So glad you guys are here and I can read your posts, get encouragement and have all of you understand my fight.:thanks:

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

First …

Mimi it’s great to hear from you again. And I am SO happy your husband has not been on you after your slip up! Maybe he really does see and know how hard you are trying. Good on him! Oh what I would give to have 5 days under my belt … someday….

WU you just cracked me up with therapy story in 2 languages and trying to clear it up. Funny stuff! And YES! Go buy an AC unit! Are you Jewish? LOL I had radiant heat as well but a fortune to use here. I finally bit the bullet and put in central hear & air a few years ago. I have it on 3 “stations” in the house so only need to turn on the spots of my house I am using. Like during holidays at the shop – come home really late and usually with takeout food and just heat up the back part of my house where my bedroom and office is at.

Well, I booked a therapy appointment for Monday morning! I have NO CLUE if she will be right for me or not. The one that my DR suggested is booked. Another one I chose online is booked and so passed my info on to her colleague. I had looked at her page, but was really hoping to find someone that had more experience in AL abuse. We talked a bit about that and she says she does have quite a bit of experience with it.

I just don’t want to walk in and hear what I heard 4-5 years ago from a therapist – him telling me AA meetings and/or Antibuse. Period. I had already found MWO and knew about Topa and was just starting to learn about TSM. He was totally clueless. And he had no interest in looking at other options for me.

So – I am NOT putting this on my insurance so my records will stay sealed. She works on a sliding scale so it will be $80 per session. She does have my real name, but only my cell and doubt she will need anything more from me. I said “A friend discussed an AL problem with her therapist years ago and it’s now a problem, blah, blah”. So she knows where I am coming from and explained that if I did not claim it on my insurance, anything we discuss is sealed. Wish me luck!

WU: If you make a trip ‘home” here fly through San Diego! It’s not that far of a drive to Vegas from here! =)

I’m excited that Sun is coming! What is your grazing food? And also – VERY casual here to plan on just hanging out and chill-laxing. I sure hope Play can fly down as well! BTW Play – where are you??? Jet lag?

So I feel slightly better after being up for a while. Took my All-One but still felt crappy. Anxious. Solution? *sigh* I poured a glass of wine. Well, at least I made it to almost 11:30. This sucks being off Topa! I think that the Celaxa is reacting bad with any drinking I am doing as I am not drinking any more than before Topa. But now I feel like hell in the mornings.

I looked into Effexor and it clearly states the SEs will be worse if you drink AL. It doesn’t say that about Celexa but I suspect it’s true for me. I’m really going to try and make the 7 day mark and call my DR and report in. I’ve been keeping daily notes on how I feel and what time I have been taking it. Going to try and drink less today and hopefully feel better tomorrow morning. I just have no clue what else to ask for! I guess they all have SEs to start with. Again, I am just not feeling ANY positives yet at all – yet. Trying to stay positive!

Later ….

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, I,be arrived home, exhausted, depressed, working the evening shift, hate that but I need the money, will try to catch up with everyone when I have a bit of time, love you all, bye for now,

PlAY

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Checking in before going to bed....
Mimi... sounds like your hubby is a good man. Its very hard to quit AL for anyone, and you are doing great!! And as you all know, all of us would wish to have 5 days AF!!!!

WTE... I havent had any side effects at all from the effexor. In the beginning I had some trouble sleeping, but i thought it was due to drastically reducing my drinking before i got my topa, so then i tried to drink a little more.... and decline a little slower. Its also before i really started the supps. So it may have been a withdrawal. I too was a little scared when i saw the side effects, but i had to stop the vicious circle of not eating, and try to be happy again!! And yes, when i go home, i will definitely be coming over for a visit, San Diego is 4- 5 hours from my house!! Oh, and so glad you have an appt to see a therapist! Thats wonderful!!!

Ok, see you all in the morning!!! XXOO

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning all - I have woken up to some rain - not a lot - the whole patio isn't even wet yet but having checked the radar we might get enough that I won't water this morning. Just a drop in the ocean but it is lovely to see. It is thundering and everytime it does, katie BARKS! Hubs is asleep..... and I am sure that he will wake in a minute and tell me to DO something - LOL.

Mimi - I am happy that your hubs didn't say anything to you - as WTE said - I am sure that he has seen how hard you are trying and well done on day 5 - go you!! I am so proud of you !!

WTE - I don't function well on 5 hours of sleep - I really need more and ended up falling asleep yesterday. Just a cat nap but still fell asleep. Then had planned on an early night but eldest called me in tears and I was on the phone with her for a while. still got a fairly good night last night and feel much better this morning.

I laughed at you saying 40% humidity would kill you - I would kill FOR 40% humidity !!! I am so sorry about your lemon tree - how wonderful to have a lemon tree in your garden -and your other trees too!! Orange tree and tangerine tree - WOW! Awesome. I bought some apples yesterday - always buy organic apples - and paid nearly $10 for five apples! Could hardly believe the price. But I have one every day with peanut butter so for me it is a meal..... and lemons here usually run about a dollar a piece, sometimes you can get them slightly cheaper but not often.

Glad that you have booked a therapy appt - I hope you like her. And yes, I agree - it is good to find someone with AL abuse - here it is so hard to find anyone that even has openings let alone anyone with AL abuse experience.

Oh - the systemic - NO - I so agree! You would never know where it had gone and if it was in your fruit - oh my gosh.... I am amazed that people do that - no wonder I buy organic!

Play - so happy you are safely home. Looking forward to our trip to WTE. So much going on for you though right now - come and post properly when you get the time - you must be exhausted!! Hugs to you :l

Wu - laughed at your mixed language story with the therapist - I remember when I was first in Germany and had gone to the 'corner shop' for something - it was packed and I asked for whatever it was and everyone laughed - I was so embarrassed !! Apparently I had asked for a helicopter part!!! But at least I was trying to speak German! I can still remember the embarrassment!

Oh - the rain has stopped. Oh well - I knew it wouldn't rain for long. It is still thundering though. Katie has almost stopped barking each time as I have told her NO BARK Katie each time - thanks WTE !! LOL I wish it would rain some more..... SIGH

I am working the 10-6.30 today - could be worse - it could be the 11-7.30 so I won't complain. Then off tomorrow. I need to go and fill the bird feeder,

Back later everyone - have a wonderful day,

love, Sun XX