New here and starting Topa and with a question

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok, B BF just called and we had a great conversation. she told me to just buy my ticket. she gets it, and doesnt thing hubby will go away so quickly. which is my fear from just doing it, which in my past would have been my first course of action. My family always comes first over any man... sorry. too many cheaters. anyway. I am not sure, but she did make sense. but i have been drinking. it doesnt really matter though. what he gives me normally to live over there is what he would have to give me for child support. i know, very different. and i do have a little of my own money. anyway. I am thinking about it. i buy a ticket for three months, thats enough for me to see whats going on, soo how bad or good things are going, take care privately of my own troubles, with no one to see... (i i have stated bafore for those of you who dont remember or those who are new.... i wont go to a facility. if i go.... everyone will know, the whole city, or all those in the know, and it will embarrass my whole family for years. when my daughter went in, my 18 year old, it took 5 hours for me to know in the middle of the night when i was in the states from someone i didnt even know!) So i refuse, and will go on a plane before hand, and part of the reason i didnt jump before. hubby thinks about that its a joke, but i did make it that way, as i didnt want him to try to put me in.....And i am about to quit exxefor. i think i am flatlining... a little.... i am not going anywhere. am really not responsive. other that to you guys. and am not that caring about the house or cooking anymore. not wanting to cook or clean anymore.... i dont even know if i am repeating myself. i might feel as if i am repeating myself, but i did a really fantastic post this morning , but now i am not that upetty. and i have a bachelrette party tomorrow.. how do you call it in GB? i think thats so cute? it might be the only time i laugh!!! hens... thingy!!! Its liying high on my heart as i dont really want to go... but i have to, and i will make it fun, as i am the life of the party when i drink... lalalala. i cant let them down. can i please go home? i lead such a private life there.. that i really dont know many people. just my neighbors.... and the people at the bar, from days way back when i didnt have a daughter. so thats safe, and i dont have a babysitter. and thats ok with me. I like spending clean time with her. and taking her to school. and going to lunch... ( we cant afford it here) (but our grocery bill is 2000a month) and just going and having and having fun.... my witching hour there is at 5 pm here it is at 9 am.... what do you think... i think i am going to take alot to topa tomorrow... Just kidding... lolo!!! I think i will try to talk talk with him again... just a couple of months.. i will miss my reunion, and one with you!! um, not to be disrespecful.. just for maybe a little lunch???? as i wasnt invited? Otherwise, i will have to wait until the topa kicks in again and i am better to talk to him... as i am so miserable. and i do think i should have this conversation a little straight, i guess even thought he really only knows me the other WAY, I GUESS HE GOT KIND OF EXCITED......... .. STILL HE MET ME THAT WAY.. YA KNOW??

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, I just read back through 2 pages and cant catch up, I think Ive missed out way too much on this thread and thats not good. Oh the eye pain came back with the topa so I have had to stop taking it again, I am so pissed off about this, its not a headache it a pain in my eye itself. So Im not drinking too much right now but I need to get this sorted, I dont feel out of control right now with it tho just need to know what Im trying to do.

My main problem is that I still have no energy, no motivation or enjoyment in anything, I feel really flat about everything and pretty down about some stuff still going on in my family which I really dont want to think about as there is nothing I can do it seems. Ok I have got and got myself all down thinking about it then so I will get off now and try to think about something else.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ive just gone and lost a post now, its ok I jsut noticed it is there

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sorry for that last post''' dont know what to think.... i har numerous calls in between, and my eldet daughter is also here, who is also very judgmental. and is only knowing of traditional things regarding alcohol. she works in the medicinal field here. But there are also times part time when she helps out in a bar here.

Dizzy.... lol... i will shorten this just for you.... lol!!!!
i must have been driving you.... bug crazy!!!

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok... dont know what to think.... I was any way due to hubby resolute "you are staying here" and i was flat anyway.... so i stopped effexor. whats the point? I dont leave the house unless i have to.. i dont really think its helping me. and now that I hate him, i am still thinking of jumping off my balcony, though only to piss him off, and in a joking manner... well ok, i might buy a ticket behind his back and then file a temp separation. Seriously. the situation pisses me off. what he gives me when i am not working in the states would be child support. And she is way better off. I am depressed over here. why is he over here? Ok, he makes the money easier. he might make more, but i am not sure,as his job is very specialized, and he never even tried in the states. i think he might even make more! and as for my pre existing condition, i can live with it until i die! here i cant even figure out what a frigging ( though i do have the normal kind sun and i dont use it but the electric one looks better) electric neti pot is!! I am a complete loss! after 10 frigging years here!!! ive got no fucking idea ! I am tired tired tired!I want to fucking go home! pardon me for me my french... i am soo sorry. i am not that way. I just wish that people would understand me, and most wouldnt as i am a home drinker.only my friends and mostly you know the truth. and my hubby. and my family. i hide myself here as i have no choice. His family owned this company. and the company still bears the name.. my name. My other name was also prominant. its one you know and one that has made you laugh. thats my name family name...... made a mistake my making it my name here, but what are the chances to be found out....
i love you guys

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ok, darling dizzy, i am so sorry to have made you dizzy. I am just too american. and a little drinking too much.... and i really dont care at the moment. I am not at my right right mind at the moment , the right stance to take with him.. but i will make him find it one way or the other......... ideas????

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

oh.. does any one know the name of the administrator to get my name changed? could be important if it goes to a divorce.....

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

just not before
the wedding...

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Wu - you sound rather confused and mixed up and sad and not sure where you are right now. I think maybe you should put down the glass and get some water? You really do sound in a flap - I think things will be a lot clearer to you after a good sleep - they always feel worse when I have had a drink. One magnifies things in ones head - imagines all sorts of things happening that won't happen...... If it were me, right now, I wouldn't make any decisions until tomorrow.

You have SO much going on with your family over here and a day or two is not going to make a difference. I am not sure what the others will think - but as I suggested - why not just come over for a holiday and see how the land lies?

Oh - and if you do want to change your name, I think at the bottom of the page there is a contact us thing - try that.

Space - sorry that the eye thing came back for you with the Topa - but better safe than sorry. Good to see you here though - how are things going otherwise?

Hi there Diz - yes, I do remember about the paragraphs and laugh !! I also had to smile at you pretending to be asleep so B/F would stop talking - LOL

Well, my cough and cold are still raging but I feel okay - the weather here today is actually cooler - it is quite nice out and if I had got up earlier I might have gone in the garden for a while, but I slept in as I ended up reading until some silly hour last night !!

Anyway off to think about food and stuff for work - closing shift tonight,

hugs to all,

love, sun XX

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dizzy darling, I am right there with you on the paragraph thing. I must have a short attentions span because if it's not written in paragraphs I can't get through it.

Oops, sounds like the hubby may be home. It's 9a.m. and I am not out of my jammies. Better hurry!!!

I will try and check in later.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello All ?

Illuminae: You are going to have to refresh my memory! Yikes! I think it?s been a REALLY long time since we spoke!

Sun: You would have a BLAST kayaking in La Jolla! I promise! HA! And about that odd SE from Wellbutrin = LOL. Yep, Landscaper TXT again last night. Just cannot figure that guy out!

WU: Bummer about the lost post! I ALWAYS just type in Microsoft Word because so often I have to answer a phone call, let Charlie in/out, etc. And I would often ?time-out? in the site. This way I can just go at my own pace and never lose it until I am ready to post it. Just a thought. The old ?cut & paste? thing and laughing to myself about Houtx trying to learn to do that.

So, have you made a firm decision to make the trip? Can you pass through SD if the dates are right? Rent a car and drive to Vegas from here?

Ummm, and I have to agree a touch with DIZ. Give us some paragraphs! HA! Like her, I have a tough time reading if it?s not broken up a bit in paragraphs. Sorry! LOL

Oh WU! I just read your most recent post! A separation / divorce???? I think you are just feeling SO down with everything that is going on. Don?t do ANYYTHING serious while you are feeling like this! Day at a time ? and perhaps see about a diff AD???

DIZ: I had to laugh at you faking sleeping to dodge your BF! I know the feeling!

I also have been thinking about yoga FOREVER! Just can?t seem to get my act together to get going, and I need a REAL starter class as it has been years and years since I have done yoga. The club by me offers them and my friend/neighbors goes all the time to another place close by and he LOVES it. Then again, he is VERY attractive and hanging with a bunch of hot young chicks doing odd movements. HA! I thought about trying to get a private instructor and maybe a few GFs to join in and do it at my house. I have no clue how expensive that would be ? but not sure I will get it done otherwise!

Thanks again for the link ? I am still reading and wondering ?

And I also giggled at Sun kayaking on 3 Guinness. HA! I probably should not tell her about the sharks in the water in that area. JUST KIDDING ? they are small little things in the surf and 100% harmless but very cool to see! As are the sea lions ?


As for WU?s post and pasting in Word ? I do the same thing! HA! I can?t follow it otherwise. WU ? Use the ENTER key more often! LOL

Space: Oh dear! Can you go and see an eye specialist? You seemed to being SO well on the Topa. Bummer ? I know the disappointment of having to stop it when it feels like it?s working ?

Don?t worry about trying to ?catch up? ? this thread is pretty active right now and even I am having a hard time keeping up although I read at least once a day.

It sounds like you AD/combo is not working too well. And there is no sense in thinking about things you can?t change with the family. I feel about like you with having no motivation ? but we WILL get out of this! ((Hugs)) I miss you when you not around here often.

******

I am really excited about some of us getting together. Although with that comes stress of OMG, I have so much to do ? but F* it! HA! My house is dog friendly and I am casual ? that?s all I can say. I?m not going to make myself crazy over it and you guys will love it here. Quiet and serene for the most part.

I am still undecided about the Wellbutrin. I THOUGHT I would try and take a half dose this morning before my GYN appointment at 11:45 AM. But it says I need to eat with it ? UGH. I?m off all day so it could be a good day to start at just 75 mg this morning and see what happens. And I am off for the weekend.

I also did a search HERE, on MWO about Wellbutrin. Joy oh joy. There are many here that think that being on Wellbutrin turned them into AL problems!!! I understand it can be a real energy rush and then if you drink with it - BANG! Feels great. Poop. I would love the energy thing and motivation, but the reality is I AM still drinking too much. This sounds like a very dangerous combo. Sites say to not stop drinking abruptly on Wellbutrin, but to ?light drink? ? like one glass of wine. Hello? I drink 6-8 a day! What would I get getting myself into?

I sit and stare at this bottle on my desk and have not touched it yet. I suppose I need to jump in sometime with it ? but maybe not before my 11:45 GYN appointment this morning? Confused and nervous.

So I went out with the girls last night to a cool pizza place. Actually a lot more than pizza. My one GF is the one on Lexapro but is now feeling really bummed about it because she has gained 15 pounds and feels tired all the time. The other GF is also wanting to lose 20 pounds. And here I am trying to not look like a rag doll that lost her stuffing! HA!

I had two glasses of wine with them, they each had 3 drinks, wine and beer. But I had been drinking a few glasses before meeting up with them. Have a feeling we are all in the same place perhaps. (?)

I have noticed that my one GF on Lexapro seems irritable at times now. Something she was NEVER before. Are ADs a good idea or not???? ?Rage? is also a common side effect of Wellbutrin. Lovely.

From my office window I am watching the rabbits eat my new lawn again. Dammit! I am now putting down clumps of Charlie fur .. but I?m not sure it?s working! HA! I even yell at them through my window and they don?t run! Little buggers! So here?s a few funny pictures from a few minutes ago ?.. the ?fluffs you see are Charlie?s fur. lol

This is the entire edge on my lawn they have eaten!

[img][/IMG]





It is supposed to be a hot one again today. What? We don?t get heat waves here! What is going on? It was about 90 here yesterday! ACK! We?re not used to the heat here!

Decided I will wait until after my DR appointmnet to "try" my Wellbutrin at half dose.

Have a good day everyone!

Love,
WTE & C

[Imagine]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Holy HeadSpin!

Hello all. Now you might think by my title of "Holy HeadSpin" that I am referring to a hangover, or being drunk... but alas, NO! I have just finished reading quite a few of the past pages of your posts! HA! I have been having quite a fun, intrigued, baffled, empathetic, amused and informed time getting to know all of you a little bit.
First off, I want to thank you all for being so open and welcoming in sharing your stories and lives, humor and heartache. It is nice to be able to connect with strangers who don't feel much like strangers at all after reading so much about you.
In due time I hope to be able to comment to each of you directly in regards to your specific posts, but at this current time my little pee brain is still trying to let it all sink in.
I forget exactly who is was that "warned" me about the length of the thread before starting to read, but BOY WERE YOU RIGHT.

I guess I will start with a little about myself so that you all won't wonder who this phantom "Imagine" is.
I found this web site a little over a month ago I guess when I was starting to wonder about my drinking. Without boring you too much with the past, I have come to realize that I drink out of mostly boredom and habit. I live out in the country with not too much to do around us. It is just kind of a way of life for us (boyfriend and I) to unwind with a few beers or wine at night. Or if we hang out with the neighbors (our only ones) we drink as a past time. Hanging out on the river = drinking. Going out on the town on the weekend with friends = drinking. Pretty soon I found that I was drinking almost every night and was not thinking too much about it.
2 years ago (*note-had the job for one year then quit due to the hours and stress) I had a job as a restaurant manager at an upscale restaurant in town with a lively bar scene afterward. Well, I would have my shift drink or two after close, and then of course when I got home late at night, I would have to "unwind" and I would end up drinking a bottle of wine by myself while playing on the computer (while boyfriend was sleeping. He has a day job) Therefore I was drinking on the nights that I was working... and then on my days off, when we would make plans with friends, it would most likely involve drinking. In short, I realized that my life involved so much drinking that I couldn't really imagine what it would be like NOT to drink so much. I got really sick and tired of feeling "fuzzy" and groggy in the morning. I was feeling anxious and started to have a few panic attacks and heard that alcohol can bring this on. But uh, oh... when I started to feel anxiety, I drank to relieve the anxiety.
I thought I might have a problem. I started to research and found this site.
I read. A LOT.
I read about and bought the supplements, and read about the topamax.
Fast Forward....... I know now, after much research and "testing myself" that I am not physically addicted. In the last month I have gone more days without drinking than with. I have made a conscious effort to cut way down and if I do drink, I do not drink to major excess or to blackout stage. I may still drink too much at times to be considered "healthy" though.
I do however want to keep myself in check. I know that I have the capability to slip into the bad habit of being a heavy drinker/abuser because I have been there before as stated above. That is why I am happy to be involved in this thread.

ABOUT TOPA.
I was very curious about the TOPA for a few reasons. It sounded great in many ways. I thought that if it could help me not WANT to drink, then perfect! Also, I love Coke Zero, and if I don't want that anymore, then that is good too! And if I could loose 10 lbs, great!
I was also reading that it helped some people with mood/anxiety.
So I bought some topamax online about a month ago from an online source. I did not go through a doctor. It took about 20 days to get it. I ended up with a brand called Topaz 25mg tablets (hot pink color). They came from overseas somewhere.
I don't really know how much to take and when, so I would love some advice if you all have any.
I'll tell you what i have been doing so far.
I Started:
Saturday 8/4- 25 mg/ 11am , 25mg/ 11pm
Sunday 8/5 - 25mg 11am (then I got REALLY SICK!)

I got very very Ill. Body aches and sick to my stomach. Did not want to eat. This lasted 24 hours. Body aches for 36. I thought it might be the Topa, so I did not take any that evening.
Turns out it was a virus that my family all had. We had a family dinner Friday night that my boyfriends Mother prepared. 7 out of 10 of us got the bug all within 2 days of each other. Phew! Still scared that it may have been the Topa, I started again with a smaller dose per day then increased...

Monday 8/6- 25mg/ 12:15pm
Tuesday 8/7 - 25mg/ 11:30 am
Wednesday 8/8- 25mg/ 8:30am, 25mg / 8:30pm
Thursday 8/9 - 25mg/ 9:00am, 25mg / 9:10pm
Friday 8/10 - 25mg / 10:00am

I am wondering if I am taking too much, too soon, or if I am ok taking 50 mg a day now at the end of my first week. I do not have any of the side effects. No tingling. I don't feel fatigued or stoopid (hee hee, yes I know it is spelled stupid). I can however taste the difference in the canned beverages and I think my appetite may be a little less. (Or maybe that is just the wishful placebo taking effect)

Also, how do I know what the right dosage is? Am I supposed to feel something different? Does something "click" when you reach a dosage that is right for you? Am I supposed to be completely turned off by alcohol? Yesterday I did a "test" day. I had beer on an empty stomach to see if I got more drunk, or felt different than usual, or got more of a hangover (I heard some people get horrid hangovers on Topa) but none of the above happened. And btw... I had quite a lot of beer!

I would really appreciate any and all feedback and your experiences when you first started Topa.
Gotta GO! My fingers are bleeding and my neighbors just called to see if I could help them blow up their tire. :H

BYE!
Again.... Nice to meet ya!

PS- Kayaking is GREAT! I have one. A 9.5 ft sit on top. I frequently go kayaking on the Rockfish and James Rivers here in Virginia. My dog Piggie goes with me and sits right on the front wearing her doggie life jacket!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Imagine!

Great to “meet” you!

Well, you certainly sound like you are on the right path of getting and staying “under control” before the beast REALLY gets under your skin.

I was the one that “warned” you how long this thread was! HA! I found when I was first back that if there was someone here that I felt a real “infinity” with, I would do a search and find their posts – at least the more recent ones.

This thread gets very quiet from time to time and then explodes again with activity.

I do suggest you read the book, if you have not already done so. I lost my copy long ago (or threw it out?) or I would send it to you. It tells a few stories, BUT (and a BIG BUT), we are all SO different in how we react to Topa that parts you should take with a grain of salt. (IMO only)

I THINK I have this schedule right – but PLEASE SOMEONE double check it for me:

WK 1: 25 mg / afternoon
WK 2: 50 mg / afternoon
WK 3: 25 AM / 50 PM
WK 4: 50 AM / 50 PM
WK 5: 50 AM / 100 PM
WK 6: 100/100 (my notes get messy here at this point)
WK 7: 150/150 (again – unsure)

Having said all of that – I went up MUCH slower. I would hold each dosage for a couple of weeks (at least) until my SEs seemed to subside. I have a TERRIBLE time with being tired on Topa and a sofa or bed were like Velcro! HA! I’d walk into my bedroom to take a shower and bang! I was asleep in bed again.

The Topa Dopa was never really bad for me – just a few bleeps here and there and that too faded pretty quickly.

This was my 3rd attempt at Topa. *sigh* As you can see – I have been here 6 bloody years, off and on. My first try, I really don’t remember how long I was on it. I also ordered online from River to keep it off my insurance records. It helped quite a bit and I titrated a bit faster. But, then the weight started falling off. I know, I know – seems almost everyone I know is trying to lose weight and I am bitching about it. HA! But it got really bad and I considered it almost “stroke danger levels”. And so I had to stop.

Once I put the weight back on, a few years later, I tried again. Nothing and I quit within weeks. I really don’t count that attempt – too much screwed up my life then.

So 2 years ago – here I come again! I was ROCKING from right out of the gate! I went from 2 bottles of wine a day to having AF days pretty easy within weeks. Thrilled! And then I went to Greece. For 2 weeks with 32 single men and women. Talk about a set up for disaster. I was back out of control and drinking more than ever while I was gone. I came home and just never got back with it again.

Back again about 5-6 months ago. This time I took it really slow and decided to be extremely faithful on charting everything. It was working! At about 6 weeks I was able to have my first AF day in years. It got to where 2-3 small glasses of wine a day was just fine. I was THRILLED again. But ….. then the weight started to go again.

I started off this time at 132#. A good weight for someone 5’9”. The day I decided I needed to stop again, I weighed 110#. That was a bit over a month ago and I have yet to get the weight back. *sigh*.

Now remember, studies read that ONLY 16-18% of people lose weight on Topa. If you have read any of Houtx’s posts here (or missing ones LOL – sorry Houtx1!) she NEVER had any weight loss and wished she would. I swear, those of us that don’t want to lose it DO, and vice versa!

Well THAT was long winded! LOL

Just go slow, listen to your body and DO NOT rush it – or it does not work.

WTE

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All …

OK, back from GYN appointment – hate that stuff! HA! And I kind of blew it too.

With my insurance, I pay a $30 co-pay. Then the insurance company decides what they will pay and negotiates, and then I end up paying the balance because I have a $5000 deductible.

After SUCH great success with my “undercover DR" and only paying a $40 visit fee because I had no insurance, I figured I would tell my GYN that I lost my insurance and would be paying cash. Backfire! It cost me more than putting it on my insurance and paying the balance! Dang it! LOL

I only go because they make me every few years for my HRT patches. I DID get a ? month worth of patches out of the deal she gave me – so that’s worth about $35 alone. There is no reason to keep it off my insurance – I just thought I would get a $$ break. HA! Live and learn!

So now I am sitting here staring at this bottle of Wellbutrin and trying to decide what to do. Oh dear, I don’t want to feel sick again! I did eat a grilled cheese and tomato (from the garden) sandwich before I left. Good on me! LOL But I know I should take the WB with at least a snack – and I’m not hungry. Probable is not helping that I also having a glass of wine. UGH.

To jump or not jump? I know I will have more wine through the afternoon and evening. But, I also have no the plans so I guess if I get ill at least I am at home and don’t have to drive anywhere. This sucks being SO afraid of meds right now!

OK JUMP! I’ll let you know if I turn into a maniac in the next hour or so. LOL

WU: Please check in again – we are worried about you!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

This is for you Sun & Play. HA!



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