New here and starting Topa and with a question

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey, dont think , may not show up at some time in spain, if i may,

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Wu, your posts did have me laughing, bothof them had me picturing it, the boyfriend being a dickhead, then seeing him having a dickhead, and me hitting it with the iron. hahaha.

In what way do mean are lagers big, do you mean are they popular here, or are they a big drink, yes to both, the cans are around 3/4 pint and yes its very popular here. I dont think they call it lager in america do they, its called beer there, but here we also have bitter and mild and guiness which are also quite popular drinks in pubs, but not so much nowadays I think, so beer could really mean any of them.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Another Morning ….

Sun: I’ll check and see if we have to book the kayaking in advance with this voucher I have. Not sure. And glad the safety pins worked! HA!

As for Charlie, I’m thinking I might try and take him to the vet tomorrow if I can get an appointment. He’s acting like he has fleas but got his monthly treatment of Advantix just about 10 days ago (or close-trying to remember and need to look at the box) – and that has always worked. And I can’t find any fleas on him. I’m wondering if something the groomer used washed off the treatment (?). Which it shouldn’t do. But fleas and ticks are really bad here due to the climate and us walking the hills every day.

I read also on another website about thyroid issues in dogs. His pink skin is turning black where he is biting! And they say that is permanent now. =( The last Golden I had with skin issues were solved after I took him off all vet meds (was up to a $100 a week treatment!) and changed his diet to a raw diet and bought him a baby pool. Each evening after our walk he would plop on and so rinse off any pollens or such that he made have picked up. Charlie? I just turn on the hose to water a plant and he RUNS! Pretty sure he lived his whole life in a kennel and never saw a lake or river or the ocean – so only knows water as a bad experience with getting groomed.

And I agree with you that this site is gently moving (in many threads) towards being all AF. Not how it was created or ever used to be. Kind of a shame and I feel bad for a lot of people and it’s the reason I also only post here.

Space: Wow, the BF is from AA? Well, that certainly explains why your family stays so rough on you. I’m so sorry. IMO, it’s a very odd organization and I went years ago for about 6-7 meetings and knew it wasn’t for me. All it did was make me feel worse about myself and I would come home and drink more! LOL Backfire!

You must be going nuts with the dresses! I also used to make all of my clothes so I know how much work can be involved. When is the wedding? Hopefully real soon so they don’t diet and non-diet anymore!

And I’m not sure you over reacting about your daughter’s visit. It’s what we do when we are drinkers and are forced to not drink. I too have cancelled plans because I knew I couldn’t drink. But you are doing SO well right now! I wish I could say the same when it comes to the wine. Don’t beat yourself up!

And yes Space – all of the DR nonsense is with my “undercover” DR. I MUST keep everything off my records and so far I have been able to see him and get 2 scripts filled under the fake name. I just always have to remember to not answer my cell phone with my real name unless I know who it is!

Kradle: Hello! Thanks for the info – I had no idea. I honestly don’t really understand what bi-polar or manic really is. Guess I should read up on it a bit. I’m pretty certain I’m not either – but then, how does one know? I really don’t have any roller coaster feelings in emotions. Have some good days and bad days but pretty much like everyone else. And the bad days are usually a result of too much wine.

I’m not really anti-med. I am just sick of feeling sick from the ones I have tried so far.

WU: Dickhead! LMAO Now I have that image in my head!

Not sure I want to be manic as I already suspect I may have a touch of OCD – or at least am for the most part a bit of a perfectionist. Most of the time. HA!

I agree – get the hormone thing understood and balanced before you worry about anything else too much. It can really mess up when you are “off”. Just make sure they don’t give you Premarin, which is NOT bio-identical and is made from the urine of pregnant mares. It comes in all forms; pills, patches, creams, etc. It’s the one that made so many women (and DRs) afraid of HRT. (hormone replacement therapy).

Do your homework and ask for something bio-identical if you are going to use anything. I use a patch called Viville Dot that is changed twice a week. I used to use Climara but it was a once a week patch and much larger and got a bit “icky” after a week. It would gather the “fuzz” from my clothes around the edges –how attractive! HA!

Learn About Bioidentical Hormones & Bioidentical Hormone Treatments

Oh, and I’ll teach you how to post pictures here! Diz wrote a great post on it awhile back – but not sure if you can find it.

Sorry to hear you are back up to two bottles – I’m walking in your same shoes right now. Hopefully the Topa will begin working better for you. The tingles are a good sign, but sometimes the “not drinking” signals from Topa a very subtle. It’s certainly easy to drink over them. I know I did. *sigh*

***********

Yep – Just staying off all meds until I get this blood work done. I don’t know where this DR is going to take me next, but I’m on hold. Even if he gives me the Nal, I am still not sure I will go that route. I am just so suspect right now of getting Nal online with this whole Nordict question going on.

I was half tempted to get the blood workup done today, but then remembered I already had a cup of coffee this morning so that won’t work. I am not supposed to eat or drink anything after midnight the day before the tests. Rats – oh well, Monday will be here soon enough. I’m pleased it will only be $110 as I expected it to be much more expensive.

I did manage to slightly drink less yesterday. 6 glasses and I poured the rest out this morning on the way to the coffee pot.

I should be in the shower and getting ready for work. I’m not sure WHY this always seems like such an effort these days! Depression I suppose. So much easier to find an excuse to not work and stay home and drink wine. UGH. But I really need to head in today - weddings and all although they sound like they are pretty much in control. It’s the bad part of having a great Team!

Wishing everyone a good day ….

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - I am home from work and fed the dogs and youngest daughter has been over and chatted - she is such a sweetie!!

Space - I so feel for you with your family - they just DO NOT understand. They have tunnel vision. I hate when others aren't even open to discussion. You have my every sympathy....... and I totally understand why you are the way you are with AL and the way you are with your daughter and her b'f too. You have every right to be annoyed. They really don't understand at all. People CAN change - no matter what you were like - you obviously HAVE changed - you have shown that here - we all have faith in you - it is so sad that your family can't. We love you dear friend. :l:l I imagine you are under so much stress right now - I cannot imagine with the dresses and the alterations - I couldn't do it - having sewn in the past - I just could not do it! I made my own wedding dress many years ago! And know how exact it all has to be. Kudos to you. YOU are my hero! I SO hope they all appreciate what you are doing ????

WTE - so funny that so many of us have so much in common - dressmaking for yet another thing. I made all my girls clothes when they were little - pinafore dresses and such - when we moved to America someone told me they KNEW we were English 'cos of the way my girls were dressed ! I (and my girls) didn't even own a pair of jeans !!!!

Funny about the bi-polar - one doc I saw some time ago asked me if I had ever been tested for ADD - I was quite insulted actually - just 'cos I had energy??? then she mentioned bi-polar. Asked about highs and lows. I laughed at her and said I was always like that!! Why is it that if you aren't dragging they assume you have something wrong?

Oh and as for OCD - I saw a license plate that read "I have CDO ...it's like OCD but the letters are in proper alphabetical order"......LOL

I too think I have a touch of it - but would deny it vehemently !! (spelling???) Yes - the thread is definitely moving which I think is a shame - but such is life. As you said, here is safe.... thank goodness. I will only ever post here again. I have PM'd folk that have posted but won't post. Such a shame.

Wu - lovely to 'chat' this morning - sorry it was so short and sorry I couldn't talk - but the computer room is right next door to the bedroom and it would wake hubs up if I had talked - I now have the lap top sorted so it will be possible to chat if I am up and it is early here. I have Skype downloaded onto it. But it was good to touch base with you. Oh - re the chemo - I gave it up - told my Oncologist I wasn't doing any more - that my body didn't need it - he had a fit. But I knew what I was doing. Didn't have the whole course and here I am almost 6 years out now !!! Still lost my hair sadly but it has all grown back same as ever and I am fine. I am the proverbial thorn in his side. Never do what he wants me too - LOL.

The tingling with the Topa can be really severe at times - it was with me to the point of pain but I tolerated it - it does go away, but i accepted it as that really was the only SE I had. Well - Topa Dopa, but I never know if that is old age or the Topa - LOL. Could be either.

Oh - and I am a visual learner too so totally understand !!!! Cannot listen to audio books as they lose me within about 6 minutes!! I have to see it to learn it. At college I would scribble like mad to WRITE down everything the teacher was saying so I could re write it later !! Only way I could learn it !!

WTE - on a side note - I SO wish we had docs here who would do bio identical hormones - living in the bible belt - it is an impossibility !!!! I remember asking at the time and being faced wuth blank stares. You are lucky living where you do.....

I will echo Wu - DIZ, Mimi, and Houtx - WHERE ARE YOU ?????? Should we send out search parties ???????


Love and hugs,

sun XXX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Y'all -
Space - you crack me up!! Your daughter's "dickhead" bf!! So funny & I completely know what you mean. Also understand the frustration of the alterations...tell those silly girls to shut their gobs til the wedding! lol

So many other posts to comment on & just not enough time. Suffice to say, I am caught up and hear ya!! We do what we do ~

So I'm looking into flights from Hou, TX to San Diego, CA on 9/4 - 9/8ish & it's about $400 RT. Not bad. I might seriously be tempted if expenses there will be kept relatively low. Big slumber party at WTE'S?? When shall we leave...I'm thinking Fri/Sat. If I do this I'd like to coordinate arrival & departures so as not to be inconvenient for those picking up & dropping off. Or if there's a shuttle somewhere...let me know ASAP. I'm seriously thinking about doing it...but then am reluctant b/c that goes into my Xmas budget...dunno...tell me plans!

Hope to decide & let you know soon! XO

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Flavorful Mushroom Risotto Recipe - Food.com - 155905
I did this the other night replacing the rice with uncle bens, not soo much cognac, and the cheese served tableside. It was wonderful! My processing of the chanterelles turned into washing them, followed by a 30 second blanch, and then putting them into ice water. Then i flash froze them and put them into a baggie, so DH can add them quickly into rice, pasta, or fondue as his heart desires. Posting this as per conversation with Sun earlier today.....
I find it truly pitiful that this site is turning into more an ab site than anything...... as upon returning after so long, i didnt find the hope i was looking for. Then I ordered the book and supps anyway, and Stucks thread... which was kind of scary.... but funny as well... its a bac thread... it even made me drink more, part or my visual thing, i live in the film....
Then i thought, i had better at least find more info on topa... and found all of you. thankfully. Where will people looking for another way go? The whole point of this site was, is, and should be hope building to help people find their own way out. Finding this thread required me figuring out how to do a search. lol! No one was really posting at the time.... It was a SUNDAY, i remember, and i started at the beginning. after 8 hours... i thought, i will go to the end, and read backwards... lmao...then i was HOME. Newbies nest? I was horrified... if i wanted that, i would go to AA.

For those that lurk here, or prefer ab.... thats ok, i understand. We all have to do what we have to do. I may have to as well at some point. I just may not want it as a starting point. I can come to that conclusion all by my self.
I had a conversation with a couple of friends of mine the other night. It was alot like RJs first chapter, and they showed interest in what i was doing, and a lot of interest in Topa. Most people just dont even know that there is any other way.....find this site, get hopeful, and then maybe, start reading... and end up in the newbies nest with that bubble burst.... sad.
Sun... the tingling... its like having sleeping feet and hands, but still being able to walk..... funny.
Once you figure out how to work with visual learning, its not so bad.... but its a little strange with topa, because i cant seem to remember a thing.... lol.... maybe thats a SE of the racing thoughts combined with topa.... like where did that thought go>>> wait.. wait.. come back!!!!!!! thats why everything plays like a film in my head now.... i am seeing it in my head, thats how it get downloaded. I just wish i could upload, like to youtube. lmao!!! Especially space's dickhead iron scene.

Ok, heres a little something for you... since i woke up in the middle of the night... its five o clock in the morning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj1DR5BhOd8[/video]]T-Pain feat. Wiz Khalifa & Lily Allen - "5 O'Clock" - Lyrics - YouTube

[Kradle123]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone:

I actually have a Topa question but wanted to mention the Old Bi Polar thing. BP has many diifferent faces and different intensities' for lack of a better word.

Back in the day it was simply called Manic depression, the kind where you went out and spent three thousand dollars on shoes and then a few days later you couldn't get out of bed for a week or so. One of Pres Clinton's Speech writers was BP. Apparently he would stay up for day (this was all without drugs mind you ) writing speeches, hand them to the President and then crash and burn...

Obviously I'm not in the category. I'm in the less intense category but it's still awful: obsessive thoughts for days, complete paralyses from not knowing what to do about stupid stuff like cleaning a room. Weeping uncontrollably at stuff which triggers memories: a cat, a commercial, a song. And trying to pull yourself together when this crap hits is no picnic. I just assumed for years I was a lesser person. Not to bright, undisciplined, clingy. I used to liken myself to being a drug because people always seemed to have a good time around me for a short period of time but any long term association usually got pretty crappy pretty fast. Made for great dates and horrible relationships.

Well, living like this was second nature and drinking was the only thing that leveled me out, at least for awhile and honestly I'd take 'awhile' over a life time of paranoid, obsessive loneliness any day of the week.

So after a terrible episode (drinking, imagine that !! ) I went to a wonderful counselor who turned out to be this new kind of counselor: one called an ARNP. This was like seeing a psychiatrist without the heavy price tag and I had access to meds.

Well, I told her about all the crazy stuff I thought (because BP at my level manifests more mentally than anything else) and my family history, especially my explosive, rage- aholic dad She listened patiently and then suggested I may have type 1 BP which apparently is hereditary .
To make a long story short, I thought she was full of it but as I was in no position to not try to get myself some kind of help, I thought, " oh what the hell"

And the rest as they say is history. The lamictol levels me out. Don't know how else to say that. I cut down on the obsessive crazy thoughts (well, mostly. Still tough for me but I'm very mindful now and can self talk pretty well) I don't fall apart at memory triggers and I can see an episode coming now from a mile away.

Now as far as the drinking is concerned. Well, as we all know, Rome was not built in a day and just because I was able to finally get a grip on the emotional insanity in my head didn't mean, unfortunately, I had a grip on the AL thing.

So here I am. Trying to get a grip.And I know that if it wasn't for all of you (and my trusty iPad ) I wouldn't be nearly this far along.

OMG I've rambled. I think I'll ask the Topa question later. Thanks for listening. Hope it gives some insight in to all the BP fun we're having over here! Good Times

:l

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,

So Tuesday I have an appointment to start an outpatient alcohol treatment program. I know I need it but I am worried about it going on my medical records and since it is outpatient I am not sharing that information with my family.

Has anyone gone through a treatment program and then had problems with it being on there medical records?

Would appreciate any feedback you have, thanks.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WHOO HOO HOUTX ! Do it!

Sun and Play are arriving on the 4th at 11:00 AM and 12:00ish PM – so about the same time.

And leaving on Saturday the 8th with a few hours of each other – Sun at 11:00 AM and Play at 1:40 PM.

We’ll find a way to grab ya! HA! There is shuttles but it’s a pain as I live in the boons. Option B, if we are not too busy at the shop, I can have my driver pick you up – just never know. They both live really close to me.

OK – I see the air mattress coming out! HA! What a HOOT it would be if you could make it!!!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Kradle – Thanks for sharing your experience! I am learning for sure from you and others!

Don’t think I’m Bi-Polar cuz I would go out and spend maybe a $1000 on shoes but then be striding in the next day! HA! I don’t seem to have the “ups and downs”. Not sure what I have other than a major AL addiction. *sigh*

I wish I could find a counselor like yours. Monday will be my 3rd session and just don’t think she is “getting it”. Who knows this early in the game – so I will play along fornow in hopes of something better happening …

Thanks again for sharing … we are always here for you to ramble … we all need to do that and this is our safe space. Comfy on that lounger?? =)

Love our living room … please stay with us and continue to post. We value you and all you do, experience, insight and are there to support the jouney as well.

And ask away about Topa. A few of us have a bunch of experience with what it all does and means ..


Hugs,
WTE

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yikes Mimi – Um , um um … is there a way to do this different?

You do NOT want this on your medical records in any way, shape or form.

Please PM with if you care to and I am not sure where you live – but there ARE ways around it. If you are in the US – be careful!

I posted a bit ago about finding a way to have an “undercover DR” – so nothing will show on my records. Not cheap in the long run, but the ramifications could possible follow you forever.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Gang or The Club

:hOh Gee, sorry, the devil just got into me, I just had to say that because someone once told me that I shouldn't say it

I've read here that things have changed here on the MYO site regarding how we are supposed to feel about drinking, we need to every last one of us have to totally quit drinking. Perhaps we should, perhaps not, in the end, it's our call, it's our right, and this is our site too, just like it was in the beginning. So, I've never actually read any other threads other than Dizzs' Gardening Thread, Space's Thread, and oh yes, that "OTHER", awful nasty thread that hurt Suns feelings so badly, it was pretty sad, I stick to this one, in the beginning because I didn't have time to read and post on other threads and now because I don't have much interest in the other threads if they are not so friendly, so, I think probably best to stick close to home and avoid conflict

Space, I came from a family that sounds so much like yours:upset:, but by the time that I was 14 years old I knew that I couldn't take it anymore and the day that I graduated from high school I got on a bus and rode a long, long way from home and never looked back, until my dad died about three years ago and my mother started talking to me again and last year I went back to see about her, I know just what you are going thru, I just wasn't willing to live with it ( it wasn't alcohol during those years it was just their need to totally control who I was).

Kradle, it's so nice to hear from you:h, and so interesting to hear you describe your version of your being bipolar, it sounds so exactly like my boyfriend of about 10 years ago who ended up killing himself. He was always from one total extreme to the other, either totally up and happy and energetic or totally down and depressed, and used alcohol to feel better and numb himself out and refused to take any medication or go to any kind of therapy, he was only 41 when he died, I always imagine what might have been if he had only tried something besides alcohol.

Mimi, it's wonderful that you are getting treatment and in response to your question, if your insurance is paying for it, then yes it is on your medical record. Being an outpatient is not the question, it is rather if you pay for it out of pocket or if insurance pays for it, hope that helps, now just because it is on your medical record does not mean that your family will know about it, it is also considered private and is covered by the HIPAA Act, but you need to specify that your family is not to be informed of your treatment.

Bye for Now,
Love, Play

[NoraC]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone!!!

This is going to be a huge slumber party. How fun! I wish that I could be there more than Friday but I'm just glad to be included.
How many people are we up to now? Wish that everyone could make it.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well – Am I not the Chatty Cathy tonight! I took too many naps. HA! Almost 9:30 here so my bedtime. I have no clue how you guys stay up until 11:00- 12:00 and more. I’m up no later than 5:30 AM so need that 8 hours!

So just a short note about my undercover DR:

I had sent a fax saying I did not want to take any more ADs nor did I want to take a Bi-Polar med. Included info on being on Nal while drinking.

Long story short – he said OK. =) So they called in into Target and I have NO IDEA what the cost will be but I am grateful to not have to buy it overseas. Target called me to tell me they had to order it – no problem. Blood workup is on Monday and I don’t want to do ANYTHING until I get those results. It arrives at Target on Tuseday.

So – will I take the TSM route again? Combine with Topa if I can get this weight back on? How will my test results be? All questions and I am not going to worry about for the weekend ….

SOOOO looking forward to the MWO get together soon! Wish you could ALL be here!

With love and hugs from Chuck and I … xo

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Kradle,
Could join us and post more on our thread? I think you have some really good insights to offer to us here, this stuff that you shared about your BP was really very fascinating and something that I have never really heard anyone talk about in such depth about before, I really appreciate you sharing this with us and I hope that you will continue to stay with us.

Thank you so much for your input,
Play