New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ply & Sunny - so glad you all had a great time!!

WTE - So good to hear you are hanging in. Sorry the surgery couldn't be scheduled sooner. Can't imagine how frustrating you must feel...and depressed and everything else. I wish I could've come out just to help take care of you, but I know it would've been too much. I know the meds are f***ing w/ your head, but just hang in there. What else can you do, right?! It was so scary, I know. I seriously was expecting Sun to call and say you'd taken a turn for the worst, etc....so I am really relieved you are where you are.

Space - sorry you are battling some depression too. UGH - we all do & it so sucks! Life is good! We should have good health and be able to eat and drink as please without all this emotional baggage...

I wore jeans to school Friday, ones that I normally can at least zip up & try to tuck my hip fat/muffin tops in at the sides. It was next to impossible to get them fastened and zipped, then sitting down was PAINFUL!!! OMG - 5 lbs has killed me!! I was supposed to meet a gf for Happy Hour Friday...I dashed home & put on capri leggings & a smock-type top. I looked cute enough, but she wore a little black dress, really sexy, cleavage out there, cute, tall wedge shoes. She's a lovely black woman, BBW - huge bazookas, and proportionately voluptuous. I felt like a total dork next to her. I mean, we went to Happy Hour to put ourselves "out there" as opposed to meeting men online. I wore what I'd wear to hang out, I was so uncomfortable all day, I just wanted to relax. She looked amazing. Now I gotta gear up for the next one in a couple of weeks.

I would love to fall in love again, but I sure hate this shit. lol I played shitty golf today with her and 2 other gals...I have not met a single male prospect at the driving range or golf course. But at least I have my health and all you good people here, and my job and kids, etc. I just want to lose 10 lbs and be able to fit comfortably into my jeans again. By Oct 26...got to!!

Hope alls well w/ all of you. Keep posting. XXXOOO

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone.....

Houtx - why October 26th? What is happening then? You made me laugh with your description of you and your friend - I am sure that you looked wonderful!! Not everyone wants someone with huge boobs - just as well 'cos I was a 34 triple AAA LOL !! Anyway, I am sure that you will meet someone when you are supposed to - not that you want to hear that I know, it sounds trite, but I found it was when I wasn't looking that hubs came along. I did NOT want to go out that night and only went 'cos my friend really wanted to - was SO off men at the time - was NOT interested in meeting anyone - and 6 weeks later got married! 30 years later - here we are !!

Space - sorry you are feeling down - probably the down after all the rush of the wedding, all the planning and the run up to it - once stuff gets back to normal, hopefully you will start feeling better...... hugs to you :l

WTE - SO sorry about having to wait for your surgery - yes, I can imagine how frustrating it is for you. i would be really ticked too. I suppose the only thing you can do is try and get your body well rested as best you can - maybe have the all-one and build yourself up a bit in readiness for the surgery, so you come out of it a bit stronger..... surgery always takes it out of anyone so building yourself up before hand is a good idea. Is the infection totally under control now?

It was so annoying for me to be so near you when i was sitting in the airport at San diego and not be able to come and see you. Still, we will have a get together at another time. When we are all well !!!

Play - it was sad to leave you yesterday. I did enjoy my time with you and thank you for being such a great hostess. I thought this morning - we could have put your pics on my computer - but too late now - once you get yours sorted I shall look forward to seeing them. Yes, we did have some good moments didn't we? Quite unexpected too....

My dogs forgot that my body was on SF time this morning and woke me at 6.30 our time for food and to go out so I was up at 4.30 (in my head time) so will be in bed early tonight as i also have to be up at 5.00 my time tomorrow (3.00 SF time LOL). Have been doing washing and cleaning so far as hubs didn't do any while I was gone. I told him on the phone (he stays at his mums to help her out sat nights) that he hadn't cleaned the bathroom and he said "it wasn't my turn". I laughed and said "But I wasn't here". He just laughed !!! Men !!!

Wu - where are you? It was good to be able to talk to you on Skype when i was at Plays and nice for you to 'meet' her too! Hope all is going well with you and that you are feeling better......

Oh well - off to carry on with stuff.... back later,

where is everyone else? Oh - am readjusting my time of stopping AL and cigs - the 12th is too soon after my trip - I need to prepare for it taking supps and gearing it up in my head - three days is not enough time...... so watch this space......

Love, sun XXXX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning All!

Sun: Happy to hear you made it back home safe and sound. I thought of you yesterday afternoon and wished I could drive that far to join you at the airport for a few minutes. =( I’m glad you and Play had such a wonderful time … we’ll look forward to pictures!

I also like the idea of a Spring Summit here! Just would have to be dodging Easter and Mother’s Day for me. =)

WU: Are you feeling any better? Keeping yourself busy with fun stuff too? How is the family situation going?

Space: Also hope your case of the crude is gone or going and you feel better.

Yes, being alone is a bit scary and like others commented, it’s not a nice picture to look at it the future. I suppose having children may help some, but I understand that they really are not your peers.

I am good and making and having some wonderful friendships. And I am not really sure WHAT I want in a romance relationship. But it’s the “tough times” that brings the exclamation point to the fact that I have lived alone for so long.

And you are right about asking people for help. They want to help and I need it – I need to get over that.

Diz: Same with you … and how’s it going? Every one of us (almost) is so quiet these days …

Play: I’m so glad you and Sun had such a nice time together – I would imagine both of you as felling like “old friends” to me I suppose. I certainly hope we can try this again soon! SOOOO bummed this timing happened like it did. GRRR. Oh well – I guess the Universe just had it planned this way.

Houtx: Love ya chica! We MUST meet up soon! I know you would have still come, as would have others, but I am SO bad about having people around when I feel so wicked – you know what I mean. It just would have been overwhelming for me…

Laughing at your BBW friend. YOU are DARLING and don’t forget it! But I do know what you mean. I have a GF that is SO pretty and always seems to look so perfect. I feel like I fall into her shadow at times as well.

Funny you mentioned golf and guys – was just chatting with a GF about that a few days ago. I never did get on top of my game after I broke my collar bone. Always thought it would be such a great way to meet guys … but doesn’t seem like it is working for too well huh?

I find the “numbers” amazing when you see how many men and women are single and in their 50s. WHY is it so hard to connect up?? Crazy!

Sorry about the jeans .. nothing worse than clothes not fitting and you don’t want to go out and buy another size. Kind of at that spot too. Almost all my GFs seem to struggle with that 10-15# that at our age just does not seem to want to come off. One GF is having really good success with WW after she went on an AD and gained 30# in one month. She was SO bummed – I think it undid any “good” the ADs were doing because she was now depressed about her weight. LOL You’ll make your October goal!

Where is everyone else???

All in all, I am feeling pretty OK. I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that I have to wait for Thursday for the surgery. For now I feel pretty comfortable, although I only took 3 pain meds all of yesterday and did not take one before bedtime and I can really tell this morning.

Ski Guy had called me yesterday to see if I wanted to get out of the house – YES! So we went to this cute place called Canap?s – which serves canap?s ! HA! And wonderful wines too. He loves his wine and he ordered a bottle although I told him I should not be drinking with the antibiotics. But I did sip on a glass and touch more with plenty of food – my appetite seems much better. But because I drank that wine, I decided no pain meds when I got home. I almost feel like I drank a bunch of wine this morning! Oh well. I have been amazingly good with the wine for over a week now so I am not going to beat myself up.

When he came over, he was shocked there was no wine in my frig. LOL He had suggested we stop on the way home as we were coming home early to walk Charlie. But he didn’t remember and I didn’t remind him as I didn’t want any more temptation. So he only stayed a few minutes after we walked Charlie as there was nothing to drink here. Funny – this is a guy that JUST got his license back from a DUI! I told him I was saving him from himself. HA!

This whole thing scared the hell out of me and yet now, feeling better, the wine temptations are back. Not bad, but I also put that down to pain meds taking that edge off a bit and keeping me under control. Today is tough as I have nothing planned and SO sick of TV and reading and it’s really tempting to buy a bottle to sip on. I’ve had maybe 7 glasses total (tiny ones at home) since I got out of the hospital. That would have normally been about 40. UGH. I hope I can hold onto some of this control when this is all said and done!

I certainly still feel low on stamina, but I suspect that will return shortly. Another week off work and I look around and see SO many things I should be doing – but I just don’t feel like it. My house is currently a clutter mess as I am leaving trails of “stuff” around the house. LOL So very unlike me! I suppose I will pull it all back together soon…

I have a therapy appointment again tomorrow. Obviously missed last weeks. I kind of feel like I need to make a decision about her soon. At $80 a pop – I’m just not certain. This week she wants to discuss my sisters. Yuck. My older sister is dead and my little sister is a total brat. HA! Perfect example is left her a message when they put me in the hospital. Nothing. She said she never got it. I TXT her when I got out and told her just a quick line why. He response back was – “I hear they can be very painful”. That it! Chit! If I got a call or a TXT from her saying she was in the hospital, I would be on the phone ASAP and online looking at flights to get to her!

So yesterday I TXT her “just a heads up – going in for surgery on Thursday”. I get back a one line again. I give up. I am not going to TXT her back and forth – if she cares, pick up the damn phone! Hell, my brother in Cypress has called me 3 times to check on me! She lives in the same state! I give up …

So I suppose I should get some things done. I am able to drive now, although not very far and I feel like I need to time it without any medications, although I am hardly taking much anymore. A script refill I need to pick up and need more groceries. Hard trying to stay busy when your head is going 100 miles per hour and your body it going NOPE! LOL And I have been getting pretty creative with my wardrobe and trying to hide these “extra parts” until Thursday. Sheezz…

With love to all of you …

[Kradle123]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well now I know why I haven't seen this thread for so long...you've all been GONE and WTE was in Hospital!! :h

I thought the trip was cancelled but I've been out of loops the last few weeks...way to many Topa Moments:H

Will catch up and chime in. So glad Play and Sun Are home and had a great time NAND made memories and WTE is on the mend. :h

Love & hugs,
:l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,
I see that Sun did a pretty good job of replying to everyone's posts so I will just say "hi", just home from work, pretty tired. Sun and I had a good visit and hope to connect with the rest of the group next year, WTE, you do sound better, I can tell, LOL, you are getting out with with Ski Friend, good, Houtx, I definitely know what you are going thru regarding the clothes issue, Space, please get well, we miss you, Kradle, yes, Topa Dopa, Wu, Where are you and are you feeling better? And dear Dizz, how are you? Miss you, certain that you can't join Space and me?

Ok Gang, gotta go and read for a bit and get to bed early for an early day of work,
Love to everyone,
Play

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sorry everyone.. not sure if you miss me or not.. there goes that crazy wu just blabbing on again... with no use of paragraphs or puctuation or capitalization... well i cant be bothered with any of that, i am far too busy!
My life has become a hurricane, and some of it has been a little bad. I will start with the good.... i am busy, so that makes me happy... but, i have been seemingly to busy with chaos to remember silly things such as supps and topa.. i think its bad enough now that i have to start from the beginning. It has made its mark as wel, though not on a daily basis.
I went out with crazy strong alki friends, and drank. I felt comfy with my other social situations, and wasnt so adamant. about anything. my bad. too confident, i guess, plus these are big drinkers. I ended up in my car sleeping... but i didn t drive, so that part is good! I am just still so ashamed.. i sang in a dueling pianos place... though i can sing so no problem. although, i had enough to drink that i trusted myself through this nasty cough, which Sun would agree, is very nasty, and extremely invasive, it goes deep into your lungs. What was i thinking even chancing it? umm.. that must have been the whisky shot. It went fine though, and there was a video made.. i cant wait to see it.. but my friends are in Vegas, so they may still be intoxicated. I am not going to check... lol!
I have been busy taxiing my brother around getting all his appropriate paperwork. hours upon hours, 3 tanks of gas... getting close. just feel so busy.
mum has been drawn in, and feels like she is in prison with my sis. i wish i could help. She gets very defensive when i tell her she wont get the kids from CPS, and shows me how it should work.. nice. i hope so. Mum wants to take vacations and travel, but she cant. She is too busy policing, and she wouldnt know if shes on meth or not. I dont know what to do.. i just keep repeating ,.... move here. Then i can see if she is or isnt. Some of you may wonder why this is a big deal, its not just feeling and heart, there are also many other factors.
Wte.. it seems as though you are impatient. dont be. I hope this has resolved itself by now. Please darling, tell us how you are?
Your therapist wasnt worthy of your time or your money. no loss losing time with her, other than the time you have already lost. You are far more specialized to have someone like that trying to help you. Chances are you should have billed her. You may be more qualified.
I know i sound pessimistic right now, but.. such is it right now. and I will never beat around the bush when I am not well.
My reunion has become interesting. One of my friends sisters has brought it upon herself to bomb our site with some priests molesting stuff. its just fab! Now i got to see how my own priests were prosecuted, etc.. and its painful and personal to say the least. She doesnt stop. oh well.
Ok, thats me signing off.. XXOO i hope you all are having a wonderful evening or morning. More hugs and kissses!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh gosh - well WU - I did wonder where you were - no-one posted yesterday at all and as there aren't many of us, and you haven't posted for a day or two, yes I have been wondering......

I am sorry about the having to sleep in your car - but MUCH better than driving drunk - good for you. How are you feeling now? What are your plans re the drinking? Are your friends where you live all big drinkers? Is that going to make it hard for you to try and watch the drinking?

Re your mum and your sister - I am just a little confused - is your mum back at home with your sister now? Unfortunately you can't change people - you know how hard it is to change ourselves - there is very little chance of changing anyone else. I understand why you really feel for your mum though - it must be really hard for you to see what is going on and not be able to do anything about it especially as that is partly why you came over here. I thought your sister had the children still.....

Glad that stuff is going well regarding your brother though - that is good.....

Hi there Kradle !! How are you doing? lovely to see you - yes, the thread has been quiet of late but hopefully we will all get back on track...... is everything okay with you? how are your children doing - and your friend.......

WTE - nearly Thursday, and you will be getting rid of youre spare parts - thank goodness - I am glad that you are getting help - I agree, it is very hard to ask for it but most times, people are only to glad to help. it is good that you are making good friends through it..... albeit a painful way - LOL

Nice that you have seen ski-buddy too - seeing as you and he sort of fell out a little - if falling out a little is possible!

I agree with WU and don't think the therpaist is the right one for you - sounds as if you could get the same thing from having coffee with a friend really..... but you will have to be the one to decide that.

As for your sister - I am so sorry - I can't imagine what that must be like - yes, I too would have been on the next plane had it been my sister! Such a shame for both of you.

Please keep taking it easy - even though you are able to drive, just rest - get some strength and that way you will have more for after your surgery - if that makes any sense. I think of you often and feel for what you are going through :l not much longer and then you can start to heal.

Hi Play - how are you today? I love that I can imagine where you are sitting typing now - it will be nice when we can do it for WTE too!!

So - come on - where is everyone? Mimi - how are you doing? please post - I worry when you don't ! Houtx - you are probably busy with school - a lot going on I am sure... Space - are you feeling any better? Diz - it is ages since we heard from you - how about your bug - is it any better? If it is the one that was going round here it takes a while to go and leaves a cough that lingers.... How are you doing with the drinking Diz? did you start the antabuse again? How did that work with b/f and going out?

I need to get my day going..... love and hugs to all,

Sun XX

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welcome Home Sun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
:h:h:h
mama

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there jan - lovely to see you - hope your trip goes well - I know you will be fine !! Love and hugs to you :l:l:h

love, sun XX

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

you too sweetie...hope you are feeling better and getting back to your happy place....had a long chat with Nora last night

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning All ?

Hey Sun: Again, glad you home safe and had such a lovely trip.

Yes, I am trying to rest and be ready for Thursday. I have one GF that will take me in to the hospital and then stay with Charlie. Another GF will be arriving after work to be here at my house as well. And Ski Guy will be picking me up from the hospital and bringing me home. Both of my GFs are spending the night ? thankfully!

So Charlie will get plenty of attention and his walks and they will be here should I need anything. I suspect I will feel a bit ?uncomfortable?, but should be much better quite quickly once all the plumbing gets working proper again. HA!

And yes, for some reason Ski Buddy still comes around. It is perfectly clear that there is no interest on my part and he doesn?t push it. I suspect he is just a bit bored and lonely as well which is why he comes around. I just decided I would take his help offered and be glad for it.

Kradle: Yes- Very quiet! Hopefully we are able to get back on board soon and on with whatever we are working on ?. How are you doing?

Play: Waving hello! Hope you are not working too hard. When is your next trip?

Wu!: Of course we miss you when you are not around!

Sorry to hear you are struggling with remembering the Topa and such. The same thing happened to me on vaca in Greece when I was out of my normal ?routine?. And boy, it is SO hard to be around friends that drink heavy when we are trying to control! I have actually had to back off a bit with a group I used to hang with as everything seems to revolve around drinking ? not really going and doing something fun. I?m glad you didn?t drive ? but understand the ?shame? of it all. UGH. Hate when that happens. Try your best to at least get back on track with the Topa ? it sounds like you really need some ?assistance? it could give you about now. (you may not want to see the video HA!)

Like Sun, I am also a bit confused about your Mum and the kids (?) Who?s where? Must be SO hard for your Mum .. and for you. Is the hubby back home surviving your absence?

And yes WU, I am a touch impatient. I?m uncomfortable and it?s hard to sleep with this extra stuff on me so I just feel a bit frustrated. Hard to shower, baths are out of the question and trying to put on clothes to hide this thing is nearly impossible. GRR. But ? Thursday is almost here ?

As for the Therapist ? I think you may be right (as well as Sun). I did cancel my appointment yesterday as I just didn?t feel up to dressing and driving and changing bandages etc. etc. I DO feel like she is just a chick I am having coffee with and not really a professional I need. Guess I will write her an email and explain. Not sure if I will attempt to find another one or not .. so hard.

I know I need someone with a bit of a strong personality (like me) and someone who understands addiction and depression. I now wonder how much of my ?feeling down? had to do with this massive infection. I can?t really say I have much more ?giddy up and go? than before ? but I wonder.

Waving HI to all that have been so quiet .. we miss you!

My days are boredom and a continuing heat wave with high humidity so kind of sticky and very odd for us. Had a large thunderstorm roll through Sunday afternoon and Charlie was NOT happy about it ? poor guy. Dug himself under the barstools in the kitchen until I found him and we sat on the sofa together and he seemed better, although patting with nervousness. I?ve never used one of those Thunder Vests as it is very rare for us to get that kind of storm. Tropical stuff coming up from Mexico and creating some very weird weather conditions. More today is possible. Then again, I am watching the news almost 24/7 as I am sick of reading! HA! I had forgotten how BAD day time TV is!

Today I need to go out for just a bit and get some more groceries, scrips, etc. It just seems like a MAJOR project to shower and get dressed! But it will break my day up and keep me from being so bored.

Still thinking about the Nal I recently got from my DR and now I REALLY don?t
know what to do. Obviously nothing until this other ?issue? is over with ? but then what? After this emergency, is the first time I really gave SERIOUS thought to the impact Nal can have if you really need pain meds in a hospital. Sure, they can use other things = but do they work as well? I was dying and thank goodness for what they gave me!

The wine cravings are back with a roar as I feel better and better. Certainly not drinking very much at all ? but I did have a few glasses yesterday even though I KNOW it was stupid being on these antibiotics. I?m back to that place of not really knowing which direction to turn. I fear I will back to 8 or so glasses a day in no time when this is over. *sigh*

Sun ? when is your new quit day? I SO admire you! Every pound I put back on I think about Topa again. Silly I know ? And I have gained a few pounds back and am eating better. Have a VERY odd craving for sweets that is NOT normal for me! HA! But whatever ? if I feel like eating it I am going for it! HA!

So that?s about it around here. I look forward to the evenings so I can go to sleep and get another day ?done with? and closer to Thursday. I?ll be off Friday and the weekend to recover and usually take Mondays off as well. So we shall see. I REALLY need to get my butt back into the shop. They are doing a great job, but I can see the numbers are not really what they should be and costs a bit out of control. The nature of the beast ?

Hope everyone has a lovely Tuesday ?

With love and Hugs.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ANY excuse to take a break!! I am outside weeding ! It is SO hot out there. All there are, are weeds!! The dead flowers from the drought are coming out with the weeds which is sad - anyway I am in for a few to cool down so thought I would post - not reply - I will do that later! Just wanted an excuse to stop for five mins.......

So that is my break over - LOL

WHERE ARE YOU ALL ????

Love and hugs,

Sun XXXX

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE... yes, families can be difficult. Sorry your sister is so difficult. Where is the love?

Sun.... No, I dont have many drinking friends here, i have a corner bar. Its a cheers type place that even if i dont go in for 5 years, they still know my name. LOL. The alki friends were here from all over the world! It was a one time thing. I dont go out, almost never, as I dont have a babysitter i trust. My mom was here watching my DD.
Mom is now back at her house with my sister. My sister does have her children, but she has a new job, which is a good thing! So mum is the babysitter at the moment.

Ok, off to clean and organize more! XXOO

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hm WTE.. odd cravings for sweets! wow! I dont have them often either, and what on earth am I to do with all this Summit chocolate? I brought pralines, fleur de sal and 70% dark, the one that is really not very sweet. I dont eat chocolate very often, and now have it by the kilo in my fridge.
I dont have the stress i had before, so i may be able to cut down on my own while building up on topa again. I do have some things popping up, but nothing that drives me nuts like over there.

I did figure out that i was really mourning the loss of a friend while over there, but in denial. She replaced me with her partner, and thats ok. I just wish it were made clearer to me.

One thing i find really to be very strange is how differently my skin reacts over here. My skin looks young, vibrant and well, all of those words they use to sell us day creams, night creams, and serums and masks galore. My skin does some type of automatic thing and looks at least 10 years younger. No joke. My hands are even nicer. Is it the pollution? It cant be the humidity, as whenever i am in a humid place on this side of the ocean, my skin glows..... whats up with that? Over there, i do fight aging seriously, but only before big events and when i am not lazy. No wonder I never want to go back. Its my own fault with drinking wine, and smoking.. but still.. whats the difference?

As for my singing in public.. i can sing. Since some know me, they knew how to get me to do it. I tod them i have a bad cough, and its a bad idea, but with enough persuasion, i told them i needed baileys with coffee, and then some whiskey. It was fine. i didnt have that much by then. Enough to sing, and not enough to be bad at it. I am sure however it wasnt my best performance. :P

ok, off once again.. miss all of you!

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

New memories coming up. I really need someone right now. I guess i know why i bury it.