New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I love you play I will start some serious investigating today into how to get the money sorted. xx

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Sorry for being absent, I've finished a course of antibiotics but I still have some ear ache. I think this is all due to sleeping with ear plugs since moving in here as bf snores. Although I love him I must say I REALLY miss having my own bedroom. He needs much less sleep than I do which often means he comes to bed later or he wakes up in the middle of the night, snores and tosses and turns like a tasmanian devil...

He doesnt always toss and turn and the ear plugs work but obviously I cant use them while I have an ear infection so its been a bit testy. Last night I just snapped and slept on the couch but if I'm to stay in the UK I'm going to insist on a second bedroom/office. Not for every night but just to ensure I can get a full 8 hours every once in a while!

Enough of my complaints.

WTE: Glad your therapist worked out, I think you need someone stronger. I also think there is a reason why most therapists DONT answer personal questions and thats to create the idea that they are strong and calm at all times. As for the doctor, you can always send him a letter? I dunno, only you can solve this one.

I'm glad you're getting better but have you considered that it was your kidneys and not the topa causing you to lose weight? You need someone who is an expert in these things. Otherwise just go back to the doctor and tell him about your kidney episode as your alternate identity and ask him if that could have caused you to lose weight, made you depressed and also perhaps make you averse to the anti depressants? Then perhaps ask about dietiary advice and if topa can be an option if you gain back some weight?

Space, glad you're back on the Topa. I had to cut the 25mg in quarters and take it first thing in the morning, it gave me energy, but every time I upped the dose I would get an energy slump at around 5pm for a couple of hours. If you can't sleep, take it at lunch time and see how that goes. If it makes you feel weird, perhaps cut it in half, like I've said before, you may be more susceptible to it, like Kradle and I and a few more on here.

Play, thanks for the pics, they're lovely! There isn't a chance of me going to Spain at this stage. Schengen visa is such a hassle that we are actually thinking of going to Turkey for a our main holiday and staying out of Europe completely. Hopefully I'll figure out the ins and outs completely.

I don't know about long term prospects but the only way I'll get a European visa is if I marry my bf. My mood went through a bit of a slump so I didn't want to really think about things like that for a while but I guess I'd have to figure out if I'm in this for the long run by December. I miss home, my family and friends and its so many things that you have to put on one part of the scale whereas there is only him on the other side... I'm probably just still peeved from the last couple of night's sleeping disruptions.

He's still 100% convinced and keeps telling me how lucky he is and perhaps its only because I've been down and not socialising with other people but its something that I will have to think about.

Hey Sun, thanks for sending shout outs and I'm glad you enjoyed your trip, it sounds like you really enjoyed it!

Hi to Wu and everyone else, I better get some work done here.

:h

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DIZZZZZY Its so great to hear from you, not so great that your still not feeling good but I have missed you so much.

I can understand you must be homesick, and now we are going into autumn soon it will feel even worse for you, it is so difficult to get out and meet people when you dont feel good to begin with, its hard enough in the first place without illness and depression and homesickness going on but you have some time to think about things. If you need a break at all you are more than welcome to come and stay here and just take it easy, you can have my bed and it is pretty quite where I live. Think about it, I would come and pick you up but I dont drive on the motorways anymore because of panic attacks but I would collect you from the train or bus station.

Please try to pop in more even if its just to say hello xxx

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space

I will come visit some time when my head is screwed on straight and I'm feeling better. I was hoping we would be coming up to Leeds, which would have made it easier. A return train ticket from here is 70 quid! but I'm trying to figure out how much a bus ticket will be, it won't be in the forseeable future though, I have work to catch up on and money issues. All the money I'm earning is going towards paying for stuff back home and bf is basically supporting me here. He's very sweet about it - just pays money into a credit card and never mentions it but I'm just not used to the idea and wish I was earning pounds so I didn't feel guilty about not contributing enough.

Its my baggage though and I should just get over it, its not my fault that my visa requirements states I'm not allowed to work AND its actually a bonus that the nature of my work allows me to work from home otherwise I'd be bored sh!tless.

You are of course also welcome here. We do have a sofa bed in the lounge and lots of pretty sites in the area

:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thats ok Dizzy anytime, I would love to come there but its money with me too, Im already going to spain so theres no way I could do that as well. Its insane isnt it that its cheaper to fly to Spain from here than to get the train to London.

We will sort something out tho.

Do you still go to Leeds, it would be easier to meet there, if my daughter came with me I could probably drive up just to meet and go for something to eat

xx

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ive got to go now I should have gone out about an hour ago, got to cut my aunts hair

Bye xx

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I've only been to Leeds once, a few days after arriving here, will only go up there if bf goes for work as its just as expensive but he'll obviously pay for me to go. Will let you know if they ever need him up there and then we can meet up for lunch, it will be very nice!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there everyone - a quick post as I am getting ready to go into St louis to meet some old friends from the Journey thread - but dizzy and space - if you go on line and book your tickets ahead, they are about 1/3 the cost of what they would be otherwise. you have to get the train you are booked for but it is a MUCH cheaper way of travelling on the train!!

back later everyone!!

love, sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I think its about ?70 for the advanced booking train fare, which is ridiculous, the air fare from here to Spain is ?35!!

How the hell does that work

xx

[Rainyday]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi long lost friends.... wanted to share this with you. I wrote it on a Facebook Recovery Post. I've been away from here for a long time! {{{hugs friends}}}

I just found the following website about taking 21 days to change a habit. While reading it's great ideas, I had an eye opener. I think God gave this to me when I prayed the Prayer from yesterday's Recovery post. I have always said that I HAVE to drink to get through all the chores I have to do before going to bed at night. Three young kids and a husband with ADHD, and I'm usually the one doing everything. So when I've heard to change your routine, I thought, how the Hell and I going to do that? I can't just up and leave to go workout when I have all this stuff to do! Then, God brought an idea to my childlike brain! I CAN change my routine! I will eat with my kids (which I never did before because I didn't want to get too tired so as not to complete those daunting tasks), then I will have quiet time with my kids reading. And then I will go to bed EARLY not thinking about any chores! I will get up early and take care of them in the morning! I do better in the morning anyway! I have maybe 25 Alcohol Free days in 23 years. Some nights I didn't drink much, and it's been heavy only in the last 8 or so years. Today I marked my calendar on today's date with a big heart. Then, counted 21 days and circled that day with a big heart. Then wrote a positive reason what I want to change (I want to be sober and clear headed) and why I want to change (I want to remember being a mom). Now I will take it one day at a time, writing daily in my big calendar and making hearts around each day as I turn out the light at night. Thanks for letting me share.


http://www2.fiu.edu/~oea/InsightsFal...e%20habits.htm

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

This afternoon I had a sudden impulse to buy healthy food, which O havent been interested in for ages, so I got some salad, I got this tray of some sort of lettuce type stuff but still growing so its all lvoely and fresh you just cut off what you want and chicken and made fajitas, yum, yum.

The anxiety got through the roof today, have I already mentioned that, I dont know, but I now feel very tired and just worn out, but I did get so bad earlier on I took a valium, I do think its the reduction in the bac thats causing this but Im determined to stick with it. Maybe tomorrow I will be ok, like any withdrawals they have to abate at some time, and even tho it was at a low dose I was taking it for a good while so maybe thats why its hitting me hard. Im off to bed soon with my laptop to watch some tv shows on it. so might check back later. x

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello everyone!

Space... i am so sorry you are going through issues with the bac! I guess i will throw it in the trash when i get it. LOL! I soo hope you do feel better tomorrow! I have more anxiety than i can deal with all by myself. I so feel for you! I thought you were doing well on it, and thats why i bought it perhaps. I was wishing i could also have just on half of a beer a day, and pour out the rest... i have been a little envious...

Diz... i hope you are feeling better? It is nice to see you posting again! We have missed you so much! I of course miss your posts especially, since you may be able to help me with dosing. This bi polar combined with topa has perhaps not been a great combination for me. I was up to 225, and still drinking at home. Then i forgot a little too often, and lost all control. I am now at 50 mg. I am taking it slowly, please let me know what you have found to be effective. I am at times scared, and not posting as much, as i feel so emotional right now, and am not sure posting is a good idea since i am drinking.

There are just times when i wish i could make it stop. This vicious circle of waking up not feeling good, at times wanting to throw my computer off my balcony, (its also an addiction) and not really getting anything done, since all i want to do is play on my computer and drink stupid wine. Find some magic pill that will make it stop. Hormones are rampant again.. and i may have to go home for not one but two surgeries. UUGGHH!

I am a little scared to start the process here, knowing how much it will cost, seeing how quickly costs can escalate to the 80000 dollar place. i dont have a large deductable, and might be able to go with just one surgery, (this one would be female type stuff, the water balloon thing, or just pull all of it out) and then i can deal with the sinus issues that i have. In other words, i guess i can hold off on the new nose until after i go home. The pills my doctor gave me to control my issues with female things made me feel great in the beginning, but have now caused me to have uncontrollable bleeding, extreme cramps, and all of this is a never ending story.

Since my plane ride, i have had a lung infection which turned into a sinus infection, and now i can feel my deviated septum... which it the nose surgery that i am so scared of. With this new sinus attack though, there are times I would do it in a heartbeat if i could just call and schedule.

Hubby misses me, and i miss him too, though i did want to get my alcohol issues under control before returning home, even if i have to take antabuse. I haven't received the shipment yet. I just want to be the wife he so much deserves. One that takes good care of him, the way i did others in the past. I might not be a nightmare wife,(ok, maybe a little) but i am only a shadow of my former self. I have a fridge full of wonderful food, and have not eaten in four days.

Space.. it very good that you are craving healthy foods! I do it to, sometimes to detox. We have wonderful salad bar places that have so many different choices! They also make lovely soups, fresh everyday, and homemade. I should do that tomorrow. Treat yourself also to something wonderful!

well darlings.. i hope you are all doing well! love and hugs to all of you! XXOO

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, going down to get my laundry out of the dryer, then to the market, I've done some housework and just found out I have another day off tomorrow, YAY, and when I get home, it's a shower and I'm going to catch up with everyone, it's so great to hear from so many, thanks Rainy, I must reread your post on the habit thing, and sun just gave me a book also about habits.

See you after while.

Play

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yeah play! days off are nice! I have too many of them, and need a job to keep me normal. lol! Have a wonderful day play! Enjoy your time!

Also thank you so much Rainy for the post. It is nice, and i am going to try it. Thanks again!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - well, I have had a really good day - I met with two lovely ladies from my old Journey thread post. We met in st Louis and they were SO nice! I have known them on here for ...gosh it must be nearly two years now so it was like meeting old friends. We had such a lovely day - don't know about them but i am SO tired!! the weather was great and we did a ton of walking and talking - it was just wonderful.

However, for some reason, it has left me feeling a little down. I have no idea why. maybe because I have come no further than I was back then? Tonight I have had - well, have just poured a 5th Guinness. Not feeling tipsy or anything like it - I think my poor body is too used to it - but I feel maybe that I have just not got anywhere. Had two quits - one for 8 months, one for three months, and long periods where I just drank two a night - VERY long periods where I just drank two a night, and this many tonight is the exception rather than the rule. So please excuse my pity party. I don't want you to join me because in the words of Diz, the more people that join a pity party, the less it is a pity party - or something like that. I am just feeling in the dumps right now. Am I EVER going to get out of this rut?

Talking to myself - which I find good as the only person that really listens to me rambling is me anyway, if I take my Topa, my L-Glut, and my Kudzu, IT ALL WORKS. So, what I want to know, is WHY DON'T I DO IT??????? Can anyone give me a reasonable answer to that please?

Enough of me. Space - if the fare to Spain is that cheap - why can you not afford to go? we will talk - LOL.....

Play - you did housework - would you like to come to my house and do my housework? Please? How lovely that you have a day off tomorrow. I work early tomorrow AND saturday which is great - I would much rather work earlies......

Rainy - lovely to see you here again - It really is - thank you for coming back and sharing. There is a really good book about habits that I cannot remember the name of - I think it is called the Power of Habit by Duhigg and is very good - all about (obviously) changing habits and therefore changing your lifestyle. I read it before it came out and didn't study it. i need to re-read it and this time STUDY it as it has some really good stuff in it. Please pop back in and keep us updated on how you are doing - okay?

Hi there Wu - so sorry about all your female problems - they can be the pits. Do you have insurance here and could you get it all taken care of while you are here? At least your mum could take care of your daughter if you had the surgery here..... why go for the water balloon thing back in Switzerland? Just have the whole thing taken care of here and done with.

The Topa worked for you before - so why not start seriously trying - I know - I can hear everyone yelling 'hypocrit'. So I will be quiet. But if that is what you want - it worked before...... Why are you not eating? That isn't good for you...... maybe coming to USA wasn't the answer for you after all? you sound as if you are missing your hubs and he is missing you too. There isn't much you can do re the situation with your mum and your sister unless they actually want the help is there?

Diz - so good to see you here - quite understand re the sleeping issues. hubs works shifts so we rarely are in bed for long together - it is going to be SO hard when he retires at the end of the year!! Hopefully you can get a good nights sleep soon......

I am pooped and am not even going to finish my Guinness. am going to make a milky decaf coffee and get ready for bed. I work the early shift and need to be up at 5.00. So will get to bed and read.

WTE - we need to hear from you too - I don't think you posted today - LOL. :H:H How are things going? Let us know - thanks for the chat the other night......

love and hugs to all,

love, Sun XXXX