New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Play, thank you so much, you dont know how much it means to me to see you say that it is so lovely of you, thank you :l I am only doing what I can to try and get better, the other option is unbearable as I think you all know a bit of how bad my drinking actually got.

I am wondering about normal drinkers and if there even is such a thing. Alcohol is an addictive chemical so to some extent it affects everyone who drinks it. I suppose my son is pretty close to normal, (the eldest one who's 23, not the 13 yr old :H ). He drinks on social occasions, but I dont want to be like him, I want ot be able to have one at home when I want one. I think my drinking role model was always my mum who has a drink every night but never gets drunk and only very rarley has too much, its is only very recently as I told you all that she told me that she need it, does that mean she has a problem or is still normal, I dont know. I think what we all want its what sits right with each of us, where we ourselves feel at ease with our own drinking. I know for me that even at one can every night I dont feel quite right, I think that may well be because I am still lying to my son and daughter about it, I told my mum I am going to wait 6 months and them tell them if everything goes ok, that way they wont be able to say it doesnt work. Also, theres something about the fact that I have to buy the big pint cans, I dont know what it is, I know if I get the smaller ones tho I will just drink more of them right now, maybe in a while I will be able to change that.

The things I dont do are go to work, you all do that but I havent got a job so dont, I am still trying and will look into some kind of voluntary work otherwise I think, and exercise. My poor doggies dont get walks anywhere near enough, and with my fatigue and aches and pains at times I just cant be bothered doing any exercise, I am trying to be patient with myself it was only a matter of weeks ago I was in bed most of the day tho and now Im up and doing things some/most of the time.

I too like the fact that the group here is like a family, just so long as we dont all start behaving like my family does on a Sunday :H

I had to go and get blood test done this morning so in between getting up with my son and waiting to go there, (I had to fast so no coffee) I decided to play some of a cd, I think the ones are off the depression cd, Play, anyway I fell asleep this morning, but then Iat least I did go and get the blood done without giving in to the coffee pot.

Got to go now maties, catch you all later xoxo

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Its happened to me as well, I come back to see what anyone has to say looking forward to reading and its me who posted last. again.

Oh well never mind, today I have decided to try going back down to 25mg am 25mg pm and see how that goes, I had no se's whatsoever for the first few weeks then it has hit me hard, so I am going to give this a try and see what effect it has on my drinking, I hope it doesnt go back up tho, I will just have to try it and see. I will try and give it a week anyway.

I have had a very long and not very good day so dont really want to talk about it. Had an argument with both my daughter and my eldest son which left me in tears, they where separate argumetns one on the phone with my daughter and the other my son in the house. He can have a terrible temper and it scares me a bit. I hate arguments because I never seem to get heard, Its like Im just someone to shout at in my family and they show me no respect. Long term habit from my drinking days I think but it goes from before then they just dont see it that way.

OK Ive had my pity party for today so I am going to try to go to bed now thanks for listening, again....

Love ya lots xx

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry Its me again, I need to record this somewhere so Im doing it here, last night was a one can night, tonight I have had 2, hope dont end up opening another but its 10.30pm and I dont feel tired I just feel wound up and dont know what to do with myself kind of thing so I will see.

Goodnight x

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Fly By Post .....

Hang in there Space! You are doing fantastic!!!

Doing shop lease stuff all day so hope to post soon ...

XOXO

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey y'all -
Too many & too much to comment on, but I always love reading your posts! WTE, the medical issues and bills sound overwhelming. Hang in there! Glad you are better - keep going! The smoking thing is sooooooooo hard!! I remember. If it were declared safe and weren't so stinky, I'd take it up in a heartbeat(missed) lol. I don't know what finally made me quit, having surgery I didn't want to screw up, dating a man who was totally radically against it, I guess. I used Nicorette gum & except for the hiccups, it worked for me. I used Nic for at least a year after I'd finally quit...thought I'd transferred addictions & eventually stopped that damn gum too, but it worked. I wonder about those vapor cigarettes...?? It's funny, I'm one of those who can have the occasional cigarette (from a friend - I haven't bought a pack i years) and it just kinda grosses me out. Can't inhale, but I'll smoke one and remember why I'm glad I quit and why people hate it. It worked so well for weight control...but blegch. Also having 1 less thing to worry about my health. Y'all - quit that smoking shit. Use whatever crutches you can ~ they are all less lethal than smoking cigarettes. Supposedly nicotine is the hardest habit to break. I question that. But it IS hard to break when you've associated it with your drink of choice. I know...but still. Try some of those things that are out there to at least cut down. Cigarettes will kill you way before the AL will. IMO

Ok - enough on that. "Normal drinking" I don't think exists. There are those that do and those that don't. Then there is every notch on the spectrum. "Not thinking about it"?? My sister is a 1-2 glass o'wine/ day gal or less...she thinks and talks about it all the time. But then she'll suddenly change her mind either way. "Ehhhhhhh I think I'll have a Diet Coke" or "Ya know, I think I want some wine" or 2 big margaritas or something. I have talked to my gal pals who drink regularly but moderately and they think/worry about the same things we do, but they don't drink seriously the way many of us do. They'll have 1- 4 glasses of wine/night...worry about it, but not enough to change or care. I'm sure there are other days they don't drink, don't obsess...I can tell. I still feel like there are many drinkers out there who fool themselves. (Hello kettle, this is Pot...you're BLACK!! lolol) I fall somewhere in the middle, but slightly left of center. I drink too much for sure. Worry about it, try to moderate when I put my mind to it. Like lately. 2-3 glasses of wine at night then take a toddy to bed and read. It still is too much, but is moderating for me!!

Love it we are hearing from Airam and a couple of others who have been lurking. Who the hell is Warnie though?? Sounded a bit odd, but no one else said anything...are we ignoring. Ok!? lol

Take care, all. Will be around :-))
XXXOOO

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Houyx, good point, perhaps normal drinking doesn't exist, especially since it is a chemical that gives us a buzz, why else drink, maybe just drinking in itself is normal, and I have no idea who that Warnie is, kind of an odd place he is from

Play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm totally confused on trying to catch up!

I'm still trying to catch up but it is near impossible with just my I pad, but I'm trying. Space how is the tree coming? Any more branches off? Perhaps it is getting too dangerous to work further up in the tree now, be careful please.

WTE, have all your test results come back now? And how about the financial part, is that all now settled? Or at least a payment plan? And I will remember to look at the gas prices when I go into work tomorrow, I know it is above $4, but I am used to seeing that, perhaps it is much more than that.

And now I am a TOG expert, thanks for sorting all that out for me, perhaps it will come in handy one of these days:H

WU, where are you? Has your Topa arrived for sure? How is your brother doing, it worried me when you spoke of him having a temper problem and you being a little frightened. Will your hubby be coming for a visit? Is there any chance that he might live here with you for awhile, perhaps you guys could compromise between the places more rather than just Swiss most of the time, will you go back on your AD? How is your little daughter doing? You never talk about your other children, how are they doing? Space is worried about taking Antabuse with your brother around, how will that go do you think?

Space, I so feel the same way as you regarding when it comes to overspending on money, especially when I don't have it at the very times that I really need it the most. Even when I overspend on necessary things like bills and food, it drives me crazy, and when I am low on money, my mood is really crappy, whoever said that money doesn't mean anything was really an idiot, because of course it is plain and simple that money means a great deal to our peace of mind and our ability to be relaxed and happy. When I am not worried about money, I am so much more happy and at ease:H:H

And Space, I guess you have figured out by now, just listen to the CDs in whatever order they present themselves, I think The Universe knows best:l, just have fun with them, relax and enjoy them.

By the way, for anyone who is interested, I have some other titles such as, "The Zen Of Thin" - "Joint Freedom" (pain of arthritis) - " Live Your Dream" and many more.

Space, as far as having more to do, I think you are gradually starting to do lots more things already, as you have said, just being up out of bed is a really wonderful hugh thin in itself, what about the library, I love going to the library, I can spend hours there if I have them, bookstores, even just browsing, and yes you mentioned volunteering, is there something special that you are interested in? I'm wondering about art? Just a guess:h

Bye for now with much love and kisses with whipping cream on top,
Play

[Annieslane]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry can someone tell me what se means?

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All

I think normal drinking can exist as in I can play at an online casino (I write reviews on them) and play a few games, win 800 dollars and 1000 dollars respectively a year apart but not think about gambling at all for the year I am not playing. Other people, however, can't stop when they start.

I can also not smoke at all until 5-7pm or when I have a drink and it doesn't bug me at all. I simply cut down but starting one hour later every week until after work and now the thought of a cigarette in the morning repulses me.

Drinking, however, is something I do think of as soon as I wake up. Not as in I want to get pissed at 8AM but I'd like to have one drink to take the edge off as soon as possible or I obsess about what I had to drink the previous day or what I will drink today. This is a sign that I should up my Topa dose. Where I don't have a gambling problem and I can be a social smoker, I am simply addicted to drinking and no level of mind games or self control seems to work.

Annie, :welcome: Se means side effect.

Space, I think the Topa is working brilliantly for your depression ie you are applying for jobs etc. Just remember that I'm just about to go up to 75mg so don't let it worry you if it hits you hard. We all move at out own pace. Be careful about going manic, we want the energy and the alcohol control effect without the no sleeping or racing thoughts effect.

Play and Houtx, I know what you feel like with the catching up! To be honest I just decided to write today, otherwise I will never catch up.

Sun, so nice to read your posts. You have a way of making me laugh with your Winnie the Pooh type wisdom. As in its Today now. :H

Where are you Wu?

We spent the weekend in Bristol and Bath. Stayed in a nice 4-start hotel in Bristol. Well I say nice but since we walked in everything went wrong. LOL. First it was meant to be an upgraded room so we had to go down and ask for them to change our rooms. Then it was a special so it was supposed to include a free gift so then they had to come up with compensation (free drinks)

Then we went for dinner and we decided to spoil ourselves with a very expensive romantic meal. What a disaster! We both ordered a 28 day aged fillet steak. We ordered wine and had to ask for it again 20 minutes later... My steak was supposed to be medium and came out as very Well Done. It took 20 minutes for someone to ask how the food was and at that time I was so pissed off that I did something completely out of character and sent the food back. I'm sorry but with the wine and starter the meal almost came to 100 pounds and I expect better from a 4 star hotel. So 10 minutes later a brand new steak appears - even more burnt than the previous! Bf called maitre d and asked him to tell the chef he was an idiot. Of course they tried to give us free desert but we were just too put off. They took the steak and starters off our bill but it did kind of ruin the romantic atmosphere!

The next morning the church across the road decided to play the same four bell notes from 9-13:15. It was excrutiating. Does anyone know why churches do that?

Bristol in general is beautiful though and we did a boat tour of the city. On Sunday we walked around Bath and saw the Roman Baths and went to see the Jane Austen Centre. Its a very pretty town.

Thats my news for now, will check in more this week. :l

Love and hugs to all.

:h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Annieslane;1390083 wrote: Sorry can someone tell me what se means?

se is Side effect Annie.......

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning all - a fly by as I am getting ready for work. my alarm went off this morning and I went to switch it off and then it stopped all by itself! so, as it had stopped - I went back to sleep!! Some part of my brain said that as it had stopped I didn't need to get up - LOL. It then went off half an hour later again - and i am then running half an hour late - !

Hugs to all, will post later - have a wonderful day/evening to you,

sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, I was supposed to be doing lots of things this afternoon and evening and had to cancel them all, I have been craving a drink so bad I couldnt concentrate to drive even. ARGHH what is going on, is it because I went down to 50mg yesterday surely not I wSNT LIKE THIS ON THE WAY UP i WAS OK AT 25AM 25Pm and thats what I did yesterday. Im not sure what to do now, do I stay at 25 - 25 or go back to 25am 50pm today definately hasnt been feeling better for me. please give me some ideas if anyone has any

xx

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space

This is not something that I've noticed when I've lowered my dose so I guess you'll have to ask yourself if theres a possibility that anything else could be playing a role here? Or that today could maybe be just a once off? My advice just for today would be to take a hot bath, cuddle up and watch some movies, listen to the CD's if you can, just make it as easy for yourself as possible. I think its just a temporary blip that you'll have to ride out. :l

Then if you're not better tomorrow, consider going up with only half a 25mg pill?

I actually added 25mg Lamictal today, it is a mood stabiliser that is used as an antidepressant with bipolar patients and I can feel it boosting the Topa without the Topa's jittery side effects. I'm not saying you should self medicate but you hate your anti depressant which is the same as mine and I've been on this before instead of the AD.

:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks Dizzy, its hard to tell whats doing it, I was ok for a while on the same dose of all meds and then boom I didnt feel right, without changing anything which is why I went down on the topa, it might not even be the topa doing it it could be the reseradral. I will see what tomorrow brings anyway and wee how I am and go from there. I have basically wasted all afternoon and evening thinking and craving and feeling anixious becasue of drink and yet still only drank one can, but it has cost me most of the day, doesnt make senc=se, but still bettwer than being drunk all day.

Good to see you posting again Dizzy, I miss you when your not here

Hi to Annie if you come back and read this come back on and say hello.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I am here but do not feel like posting - am in a grumpy mood. Well, not really grumpy, but sort of anti-social. I am fed up with me. Will I ever change? i have decided and finally accepted that I cannnot go back on my 60mg celexa so have to just get on with life. In the meantime, I need to do some soul searching. please bear with me everyone. I want to go back to being the happy me and hate how I feel most of the time right now. It is 6 months since I was on that dose and it has not been a good 6 months - I had more motivation on the 60mg and life was so much easier somehow. I just have to work out what to do - in my head and with my life.

Love, sun XXXX