New here and starting Topa and with a question

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

:H:H:H:l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm starting "breaking Bad" tonight, keep hearing how great it is and I'm out of series right now, so finally starting it:thanks:

Play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Stuck - okay - you are obviously not British - umm - sussing someone out means to describe someone that is a bit suspicious - LOL !!!! That is what I got when I Googled it anyway - I wasn't quite sure how else to explain it - I am sure you are fine - LOL !!!! And thank you for your description of whittling - ROTFLMBO !!!!

Play - what is Breaking Bad? I have not heard of it.......

And the time is midnight which means I am going to turn into a pumpkin. I have to be up at 5.00 - having got home from work a little while ago - so more tomorrow folks - love and hugs to all,

love, sun XXXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im so glad youve joined us on here Stuck with your whittling stick, see, what did I tell you about getting a hobby? :H

I want to know what Breaking Bad is as well, I have nothing to watch either, I am looking for a good series to get into.

WTE your garden looks wonderful, but you know your doing the right thing for both yourself and Charlie in not getting deVas back, he cant live happily with you, your home and lifestyle doesnt suit him. I know it is sad but theres nothing you can do about it. you did make a difficult decision and now stickining with it is so difficult too. Please dont despair about the amound of time you have been trying to sort out your drinking, I think most of us have be trying for years, I know I have, just because we may have found MWO after you doesnt mean we didnt get messed up before that time you know? I have been going to rehabs and detox's and god knows what for years until I found MWO and that was when I started getting better this time round, first off with the bac and now with the topa and this thread. so never, never ever loose hope. please. :l

Play, are you diagnosed with depression or are you just down, I mean do you take ad's, if you do it sounds like they are not working and you need to see the doc, if you dont then there are other things that you will have to start thinking of if this is just a slump, is it just a slump or is it depression, only you know. If it is depression you need to do something about is and I know from experience then you should do something sooner rather than later, ie see a doctor. How are things otherwise, how is work, are you working too hard, is that it? I worry that you are. I am so looking forward to meeting you in Spain. :h

You havent really said much Sun because youve just been popping in on your way to either work or be, which I am very glad you do of course, so Im assuming your ok, because if you where feeling awful I dont think you would bother. So thanks for the popping in and I am looking forward to a proper update when you get time:l

I have been feeling kind of low over the pastr few days, not the old depression but low, I am actually feeling a lot better this morning so I hope it last through the day. I have to know that I have achieved something on a daily basis and that I am not slipping back onto a depression, so my achievement s go like yesterday when I wasnt feeling too goo, either physically or mood wise, I stayed awaks all day, I did some gloss painting in the kitchen ready for when my daughter and hubby come on Saturday to help paint the room, My house is all been a minging mess so I wnt it cleaning up and painting, I cooked a nice healthy slimming world meal, I came on here, I didnt get drunk, I spent some time with my sons and I went to bed at a decent time. These are things that help me function, a routin that I am starting to build and some achievment ie, the painting, I can see I have done something no matter how small it is.

I had 1 full can last night, I am kind of worried about my health with the pain and tiredness, I mean physical tiredness and also my asthma, so I want to start having an AF night a wekk to see if that helps. I should pack in smoking but just dont seem able to. I cant get Champix from my doc because of my depression and I have tried all the patches and everything and am just so worried about it it causes me more stress and makes me just want to smoke more. I really dont know what to do about it.

OK I think I said enough for now so I will wish you all a good day and hope to come back later and read what everyones got to say

Bye for now xoxo

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Breaking Bad is about a high school chemistry teacher who finds out he has terminal lung cancer. Not spoiling anything, he finds out in the first or second episode. He then decides to start cooking crystal meth, and he contacts a former student, who's an addict, to sell said crystal meth.

The teacher figures that since he's dying he needs to provide financially for his family. So in between teaching and chemo, he's cooking lots of meth and moving in on the territory of established gangbangers. Shennanigans ensue.

It is an amazing show, and almost certainly one of the best shows on television--ever. It's also really dark, if the meth and the terminal lung cancer didn't already maybe suggest that it was dark. But it gets a lot darker. Starts off slow, picks up quickly 1/2way through the first season and never lets up. Currently on season 5 (which I HAVE NOT SEEN SO NO SPOILERS FROM ANYONE, DAMMIT), seasons 1-4 are available on Neflix Instant.

OK, hope that helps. It's almost 2 AM here and I'm sure there's some sussing or whittling or whatever to do somewhere...

Too-da-loo everyone :l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

And here I am again - going to work. Actually Space it is a bit of both - I do need to do a proper post which I will do today when I get off, but like you, and Play and WTE - gosh - nearly ALL of us, I have been a tad low, but didn't want to not post! I know how easy it can be to not post when we feel down so I have been popping in. I will be back after work today.

Stuck - you crack me up with your whittling and sussing !! What on earth were you doing up at 2.00am? I didn't get to bed until silly o'clock and than had to get up at even sillier o'clock this morning and am feeling a tad tired! The dear dogs had me up at 4.00 to go out which interrupted the sleep I was getting - SIGH. Oh well - early bed tonight I think.

Have a wonderful day everyone - Oh Space - did you listen to the Paul Mckenna CD on the stopping smoking yet? How was it? I bought it ages ago but haven't listened to it yet LOL.

love and hugs to all, Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Drive by post : DiVas was ADOPTED yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I am absolutely thrilled that devas was adopted WTE.......

In the meantime I am SPITTING NAILS. Did I ever tell you that I HATE MY CLINIC????? I really don't know whether to scream or cry or do both - once again my wonderful doctor has NOT come through for me. i am down to TWO - yes, TWO tabs of my celexa - today is Friday - and I still don't have my refill. i went over after work and waited for about 45 minutes and finally left - I was furious - they have a thing where you send them a message - which I did a WEEK AGO and they are supposed to get back to you. Did she? NO !!!!! I sent another Monday just to be sure...... I am SO SO ANGRY. Can't remember being this mad about anything in a LONG time. I am SO fed up with them. I am making an appt with the head of the clinic for tuesday. Hubs asked me if I wanted him to go with him - Ummm.... NO. trust me - this I can handle all on my own - this is military and the person i will be seeing is above his rank when he was in - I don't give a jot about rank - he (Hubs) will be intimidated.

I have all the previous stuff written down on here about not getting calls returned and the trouble when I had pneumonia so can get all the dates straight and so get my ducks in a row! It won't help me this time, but maybe it might make someone aware of what is going on.

Thank you for letting me vent. I needed to! I SO rarely get this angry - I am usually a very calm soul and it takes a lot to anger me, but this is really pushing my buttons.

I am going to go and get a guinness then go and pull out my tomato plants. Daisy woke me at 4.00 this morning after I got to bed at 12.30. I got up thinking she needed to have a wee or poop and let her out. Nooooo - she wanted a snack - trotted straight to the tomatoes and grabbed a branch with a few on it - so I chased after her and she grabbed the branch and took off down the garden - she would not give it up - just took off again - and the toms were green - so 40 mins later - guess who DID need to go out 'cos she had tummy ache ?????? SO, they are being pulled out in a minute. I am fed up with this game of soldiers too - hence them being pulled out. there aren't many left anyway.

BREATHE Sun, BREATHE. Wonder what my BP would be if I took it now - LOL. I dread to think - it is usually really really low.

Back later everyone.

love and hugs, Sun XXX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello all

OK, I should warn you that I had quite a few Guinness tonight. I know some people from the other boards will read this and judge me but I?ve had a really difficult day. I also know a few of you have commented on how I used to write long posts when I started here and I really appreciate that. But I have to admit that the way Topa made me feel in the beginning was unlike anything I ever felt like ever in my life. It was like a light was being switched on and I felt normal for the first time ever.

Before that... well I watched this show from Alan Titchmarsh last night about seasons and Hedgehogs and I?ve always been extremely passionate but so passive that I hardly felt awake, pretty much like I feel now.

So I?m sorry (once again) that I?m being really selfish by not commenting on everyone?s stories but something that WTE said struck home. If I remember correctly (and right now I might not) she said she would be doing well on Topa until she was in a relationship and then it became difficult.

I was doing so well on my own with the Topa but I?m not sure if everyone will understand. Every time I would taper up I?d be so jittery that I?d need a calmative and then at night I would not be able to sleep. And now that its only a while before I go home for a visit I?m running out of meds and I?m getting a bit paranoid as I don't have a local doctor and I really don't want to spend money on a UK private psychiatrist. Please don?t judge me if you?re not bipolar, I?m only on 62,5gr topa but it has a BIG effect on my life.

I'm so sorry you're unhappy with your doctor, Sun. Yes, the clock tells me it is 3:20 AM here now but thats not that unusual as my bf is a big child when it comes to weekends.

He refuses to go to bed until he passes out but as he annoyed me by first going to the pub with his friends I helped him make up the sofa bed in the lounge No, I'm not being cruel, I just know his sleeping patterns by now and he passed out 20 minutes later. He was really overworked and his boss told him he is not assured of a contract when he comes back from holiday so I was really trying to make the best of a bad evening.

It is a very long story and he only came back at 10PM (with me very pissed off and now not able to sleep as I?m worrying about it) but I think he?ll have a job but his agent screwed him over. The agent charged 50 pounds per day for him even though they said it was only 15! And the worst part is he has an agent who sells him to an agent who sells him to the biggest telecommunications company in the UK.

Now, Sun, I am one who both listens to doctors but also does my own research. So although I usually follow the script, I?m not averse to ordering some meds on the side. You are so upset about missing your Celexa. Do you really think that your doctor has made the right call? I don?t know, if I was you, I would order some on the side, just in case, or if you feel you need to go up a dose. It?s only a suggestion and otherwise I would suggest you to pay some cash to see another doctor. Its your happiness at stake here.

WTE, so glad DeVas was adopted. I was about to tell you to go and pick him up I know its not safe but I have this kitty sitting outside my door at night and I know how heartbreaking it is to not be able to take one in when you really want to. You did the right thing though. It also sounds like your attorney knows what he?s doing so hang in there, the landscape guy will learn his lesson!

I have to admit here that I?m writing from memory so if I miss out, please forgive me.

Space, overall you seem to be doing really well. It would be great if you could share some of your topa experiences with your doctor but I understand that can be difficult. I also really understand the up and downs. Please stick with it. My first month was a rollercoaster and after that I had a couple of months of bliss. I have to add that I titrated much slower than you did but I understand that everyone has their own curve. But every time I read of you doing something positive, it makes my day, even if I don?t come on here to post it!

Play, I think I?m going to try that supplement. Getting a visa to the US will be darn right impossible on my own at the moment unfortunately. I?m afraid my passport is not called the ?green mamba? (very poisonous snake) for nothing. I hope you are doing well and are feeling a bit more upbeat.

Stuck, you and your whittling stick are very welcome on our thread I have to thank you for the few chuckles your posts have sent my way in the last few days.

Mimi, I think you are doing extremely well and you should really check in more often! Hugs to you.

Hi Mamabear! Wish you would say hi more often.

And to Houtx and Wu and everyone else who haven?t checked in, where in the hell are you?

XXX

PS: We are going to Istanbul for a week on Monday. I'm just tired of being scared of leaving the country as A. my visa says it is multi entry and B. I can get a visa as soon as I enter Turkey. I am looking forward to it very much though.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, Buggers To People From Other Threads Who Will Judge Us!!!

We Are Who We Are and We Are Downright Beautiful and Wonderful,

Dear Dizz, lovely to see you, please do one thing for me, Never Apologize for who you are, you are beautiful and wonderful and good and everything that goes along with it, you are one of "US", one of the Topa Thread, the thread of easy chairs, sofas, friends, love and acceptance.

Now, Stuck, you might want to plug your eyes/ears and just disregard the above, it might scare the begezzus out of you:H:H, but I suspect you will hang around in a dark corner of the hallway to eavesdrop on what we have going on:h.

Dizz, I hope your meds work out ok until you get back home, it does take so much planning to make sure you have enough to last thru a trip abroad and back. And the sleeping issue with another person, OMG, it really does take adjusting to, I don't blame you for the sleeping on the lounge thing at times, and Im hoping his job contract works out well.

Space I'll write more about my own experience with my depression later, it's almost bedtime, early workday tomorrow, but yes, I do take Zoloft/Sertaline.

As for Breaking Bad, I'm starting it because I've heard a few people talk about it and then Stuck raved about it on his thread, so I thought I will give it a try, normally it seems like it might be a little too "bad" for me, but I'm not all that "goodie two shoes", but I'll give my take on it sometime down the line here. I will say that probably my favorite movie of all time is "Pulp Fiction", but that is probably in a different class than this Breaking Bad, I shall see:thanks: Stuck.

Sun, OMG, I would be pulling my hair out with the way your doc is treating you, it really makes you feel powerless, I hope the meeting with the head guy sees some results, keep in touch:h

WTE, oh, how wonderful that DeVas is adopted, do they let you know by whom? Oh, that has made my day, YAY

Bye for now,
Love,
Play

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all.....
I am sorry I am not posting. My topa seems to not be working. at all. I dont feel the effects at all. not the topa dopa, not the pins and needles..... I miss that so much. I am so hoping i didnt mess it up by having to do a second go of it.
I am so happy to see you here stuck! I know there are three of us that have followed all of your posts. I can only speak for myself when i say that i went through all of that with you. Its wonderful the triumphs you have made! You had me laughing and crying through the whole story. There were times when i saw an old hollywood classic, and something like lost in las vegas or the hangover. You are a writer dear, spin it the right way. Just keep that in mind.....

Now.. its so nice to hear from you DIZ.....
Your posting that topa made you feel more normal than anything...... the way i found out i was bipolar was in a test facility. I read the pamhplets and thought, i might be bi polar... in the waiting room. then.... i went in, and they thought i was bi polar. There is a little of each of these things in all of us.... but........i found.... they asked me to try depakote... as a clinical trial, and i did it. I felt the most reality ever.... and then the it ended, and i was put on lithium....i was in a mental hospital in 4 days. lithium made me want to kill myself. That is not something i would ever do...... but lithium....makes one crazy. Then i turned to wine.... natural remedy..... right?....... Now look at me.

Then i thought, well, i will get an anti depresant... prozac was very good for me before i had the other prognosis. I guess thats when he gave me effexor.......

it is not in my body anymore... but i have stronger cravings. I may just have to nip it in the bud... so they say.....

That would take a crazy amount of self control, or antabuse. I have that..... (antabuse) but as space warned me.....it might not be the right time. My brother got mad at me tonight. I didnt do his laundry right.....but since he had everything drycleaned before....(he learned that from me)
Suffice it to say there is no way I can take antabuse right now. My brother could make anyone drink.

Love all of you...... XXOO

[wu1969]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I know there is so much missing in that last post. I cook for him.. I offer to wash his clothes. I pay for everything. I even stay up at night to make him coffee and fresh sandwiches. Make sure he is ok, as mom would do. Still he gets mad at me. I didnt do the laundry the right way for him. I soooooo have to get out of my own home. He told me earlier tonight... he is here to stay. I thought it was more a jumping off point. Now he has asked me if he falls in love if a woman can move in........is that why my topa isnt working at 25 mg......????

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im sorry I just lost my post so I will have to come back again later

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning All ….

Oh Dear Sun! I hope this all works out for you and you get feeling better quick! Good that you have all your records and go let them have it!

Hi Dizz! Yes, it was me that said I blew my Topa routine once I was back into a relationship. I’m not sure I can explain that very well. I suppose there became a renewed air of confidence when I started getting serious about this guy (??). Does that make sense? I REALLY thought he “was the one” and remains my heartbreak of my life. We just were having so much fun and I delighted in him so much that it seems like nothing else mattered. My whole life became a new focus on “us” somehow I just started forgetting about being in control. And while he never drank as much as me, as “sipper” it just didn’t seem to be much of an issue …. hence, head went into the sand.

Sorry you are stressing about your meds and being able to see a DR in the UK. It seems many of us struggle with getting the meds we need – and it sucks! And NEVER worry about a post “being all about you” as I know every one of us have written posts such as this … but it’s this really part of WHY we are all here? To have an ear, as well as the share and encourage? I hope things work out for your BF … and I hope you enjoy your trip!

Play! – Said very lovely! =) How are YOU doing these days???

Hi Wu! – I think we all get in “runs” of posting often and being a touch more quiet at other times. Well, except for our Sun who has kept everyone going forever! HA!

So sorry to hear about the Topa. You are not the first to have that experience – sad to say. Houtx tried Topa forever and it just did not connect with her either. On one of my re-starts I gave up after just a few weeks because of the same reasons. I’m not sure why it works that way, but it seems to for some. I guess one encouraging thing I could say is that even though I had that experience, this last time was fantastic! Well – all except the part about the weight and having to stop. But I also know at least for me, I have to be at it full bore and totally focused and seriously tracking every glass of wine. It’s what kept me on track and something I learned well from doing TSM. And if you are only at 25 mg that is really low …. Is that correct?

Sorry your brother is being such a pain! He sounds just awful in the way he treats you. Will you let him stay???

Waving hello to Space! Darn – was looking forward to your post!

So yes, having DeVas get adopted was fantastic! I really hesitated looking at the site to see if he was still there, but finally broke down. And he was gone! I had a slight fear that he was sick again, but thankfully I was wrong! I emailed the Foster Care person and she got right back to me. Yea!

No, I doubt I will ever know who now has him. I have asked that she pass on my email address to the new owners …but who knows if that really happens. All I know is that it was a “couple” that adopted him. I’m sure it will be a great home as this place is REALLY serious about who they adopt to and it’s VERY expensive compared to normal shelters. So I guess I just feel that whoever adopted him will have the proper means to care for him well. And, that they really wanted him to pay that much for a kitten. A normal shelter here is something like $35-$40 to adopt. This shelter is $200+, although that does include everything such as fixing, all shots, etc.

I woke up this morning quite relived by it all. I WAS about to go get him! HA! A couple of more days and I think I would have caved! Crazy how I got so attached to this one for some reason. It will now be months and months before I foster again as I just work too much for all the holidays coming up for the next 6 months.

So another day off – in fact the weekend. Tons of work on my desk that I just can’t seem to get through. UGH. I had a webinar yesterday and so after that I kind of blew the day off and didn’t do so much that I should have. Damn wine … and yet I don’t stop. =(

And today “the girls” are getting together at noon for a Fall Festival and Crafts Fair. Unfortunately it’s held at a winery by here. *sigh* I suppose it really doesn’t matter if I go or not as I know the wine will be pouring either way. Terrible. Need to check the weather as yesterday there was a chance of some drizzle coming in. So weird – two days ago it was 90 here and yesterday it was 70 … now possible rain? I hope my company dresses accordingly! HA! I can’t predict it! LOL

This is kind of weird. A few days ago I got a “poke” on Facebook from someone I have not seen in over 35 years! We emailed back and forth a few times and he is now living in Los Angeles. The last time I saw him we were both living in San Francisco and both were from the Detroit area. Lets see .. how to explain who he is? HA! Who said they had a dysfunctional family????

My Father is a real character – and not in a good way. He always was a skirt chaser (and big drinker – thanks Dad!) and my Mom met him when he was in the Air Force. When he proposed to her, he “forgot” to tell her not only that he had been married before – but that he was STILL married! Yes, separated and soon after divorced and married my Mom. He had a son – who is my brother that I often refer to who lives abroad, mostly in England but then in Russia, Croatia and now in Cypress. We’re actually pretty close and I am very close to his two daughters in London.

Fast forward … and so he also ran around a lot on my Mom. Yuck. But, they had a friendship with another couple who had 3 boys – similar in ages to myself and my 2 sisters. So growing up there was a lot of time spent with them. Then one evening we were sat down to be told that “she” and the boys were going to be coming to stay with us a few days. I know now that her and her hubby were splitting up. And so what was to be a “few days” turned into a few years. And so we basically grew up with “the boys” for that time as we all went to the same schools, etc.

Fast forward again. (have I told this story? HA!) My Dad was having an affair with “her” and it took my Mom forever to get court orders to have her removed from the house. Such a weird time and yet as a kid you don’t get it. My Mom divorced him and it became final I think when I was about 11. Dad then married “her”. So that makes “the boys” my step brothers? Or past step brothers as they divorced too? LOL

The guy that contacted me on FB is one of “the boys” and the same age as me. It was just weird that he found me! We were in our early 20s when I moved to San Francisco and a year or so later he moved there as well. So I did see him for a short time but he was pretty much a mess with drugs and AL and he finally moved away with a band he played with. Have not heard from in all these years!

Kind of weird updating each other on all that has happened since then. Weird that he lives so close again. He still sounds a bit crazy and producing music with a studio there – political stuff mostly. I suspect at some point we will get together and catch up even more … should be fun.

I got GREAT news on my shop lease yesterday! They FINALLY agreed to a 3 year with a 3 year option. So I now know what I am doing the next 6 years! HA! Or, God forbid, if anything changes/happens my shop is worth selling again now that I have another lease in place. I can’t really imagine selling it – but one never knows. Not sure how I would survive or what I would do with myself, but it feels great to have it a bit more in place.

I’m trying hard to get my ducks a bit more in a row and working with a new financial planner. Gawd – he sent me yesterday a 42 page document yesterday to complete! More stuff on my desk! HA! I just need to meet and marry some rich guy and stop worrying about all of this! Houtx – we can dream huh???? LOL

Thanks for all the compliments on my cute little courtyard. I wish I could get the rest of my property under such control! All of my best laid plans (no pun intended) with Landscaper Guy kind of went to poop. HA! HA! I just need to take it a section at a time and forget about it for the winter and busy hours. Sooooooooo curious how Landscaper will respond to that letter! Sun – I had to laugh about Katie and your tomatoes! Mine are still sadly hanging in my garden. I need a friend to visit and help me clean it out! LOL

Yesterday Charlie woke me too early. This morning it was my turn as I went to sleep too early. I’ve already fed him breakfast and it’s still dark so he can’t go out just yet. Hate these winter hours and later light! So Charlie went back to bed – the little poop! Already 6:30 here and still stone black outside….

OK – Must get a few things done and decide if I am going to the Festival.

Love to all …. Hope it’s a good day for all of us!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

If I press cntrl then shift the whole post gets deleated, doint ask me why I would press them but I just did it again and it deleated again only I caught myself doing it this time.

I cant repost everything, I had tried to reply to everyone, I think you have all sent such wonderful posts and replies in today. But unfortunately, today I have had very bad financial new which I cant sort until Monday but I am just so worried about it that until I have kind of said that to you it seems to be blocking me from talking about anything else.

Sorry foy just pilling that on you. hopefully I can come back feeling a bit better and do a better post xx