New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Stuck: you and your women! Lol!

[TexasAg]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Buggy :welcome:

I've never tried Topa and I don't want to hijack this thread but if you're interested in Bac you can look into the following threads:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ead-50513.html

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/59463672/Pr...holism-Don.pdf

Cheers!

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight. Was supposed to take my mom to the dentist this morning but she phoned me at ten saying she was throwing up and her tongue was swollen so I rescheduled her dentist and was relieved as I?m feeling sick from new birth control pills I?ve started. I then tried to call her back on her cell but nothing. Then my aunt phones me to say that my dad phoned her to say my mom is really not well and still my mom is not picking up her phone so I phone her psychiatrist to ask her to ring my mom on her land line. I didn?t want to ring there as I knew if I did my dad would say come on over anyway and that would mean a five hour visit even if it was nothing even if I was unwell and I had work to do. My mom also didn?t answer my texts.

So finally my brother went over and it turned out that she was so unwell he took her to the emergency unit and they are keeping her there overnight for observation, probably because she has too much Lithium in her system. Perhaps she took a double dose per accident or sometimes this med can just build up in your system to a dangerous level. Obviously I feel really guilty but then I also feel why didn?t she just pick up the bloody phone and why couldn?t my aunt just phone the psychiatrist directly. Anyway, just blowing off steam, if I was feeling well, I would have gone over there in a heartbeat.

So Space, to answer your question, not sure how long I?ll stay AF for. I can handle every day cravings but things like my mother?s health and also my constant fatigue throw me off kilter. So far I?m 3 days and honestly I was hoping to feel a lot more energetic by now but then again any days I can get is a bonus, so I?ll play it by ear.

Sun, forgot to answer you, the gynae is looking for hormone and thyroid imbalances, sugar and cholesterol. And yes, the fasting was not fun at all! I hope you are wrapping up warm in that cold weather. Brrrr.

Play, hope you're not working too hard and that you have time for a catch up tomorrow.

Ally, that is so eerie about the lights. I?m watching the Sopranos at the moment, so my first thought was that your mom is telling you that she hid money under the floor boards but then I figured she probably didn?t live in your house. Perhaps there is something she wants to communicate, I once went to a psychic to help me with the death of a loved one but you have to be the type of person who believes in it and you have to be in the right state of mind as well.

Buggy, we don?t have a huge amount of Bac users/info here. I think Space has some experience as does Bruun but there are quite a few threads dedicated to the subject in the meds section if you look around. Good luck!

So Stuck, can girls where bikinis in Miami in Winter? I mean those that aren?t prozzies? Just wondering being from the other side of the world and all.

Anyway, luckily its bed time, my favorite time of the day these days. Waiting anxiously for the pathologists to pass the blood tests to the gynae and for her to send me an email report and prescription. At this stage I?m praying for low thyroid as this would explain this damn tiredness.

Hugs to all,

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi everyone,

Just thought I'd pop on by and give you an update on my topa story. I'm now on 50mg per day plus SAM-e, Kudzu, L-glut, GABA...think that's it...

I seem to be doing ok. The urge to drink is much diminished which is the primary motive so all good there. Drinking wise, I've mostly kept to either no drinks, 1 drink or tonight (which is probably why I'm chatty - 5 drinks). I'm trying to practice a bit of self compassion though and pat myself on the back for 10 days of little or no drinking :/

I've read the MWO book which is inspirational and I seem to be on a pretty even keel. (except tonight dammit). bah.

I still feel like i need to "reward" myself with something "just for me". can you guys give me some pointers?? something i don't have to work too hard at i.e. like drinking but not drinking, lol!?

why do we find it so easy to practice self loathing??

editing because the above post does not convey how crap i feel about myself just now

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone !!

First of all -welcome back teezah!! So good to see you back - it seems a while since you were here. WONDERFUL on the little or not drinking for ten days - then I laughed at the five drinks tonight !!! We ALL need self compassion ! I am not getting Godly on you but we all have a tiny spark of God in us which is why you should never be self loathing. Seriously - my mum and I were in a restaurant once and she said to me (when I was in a particularly self loathing mood) "Who would you rather be in here rather than YOU?" and I looked around, and I finally said "No-one". Think about it Teezah........ WHY are you feeling crap about yourself right now? PM me please ???

Hey there Diz.... Hopefully you will get good results from your blood tests. Please let us know how your mum is..... I don't blame you for being cross about why someone couldn't tell you on the phone what was going on - especially if it was a five hour trip for you.

Hi Stuck - lovely to see you back again - laughed at you and your women as did Ally !!

Texas - never worry about hijacking our thread - we are always pleased to see a new face - LOL

Space - yes, I am trying to quit smoking and drinking at the same time. WELL, Smoking is the main thing for me to be honest! Then the drinking will come second. The Changeology book, which I have peeked forward in, is now beginning to be not as good as i had hoped it would be. In fact, the Carr books, which I have always really liked, seem to be as good. I am thinking about trying Antabuse at least to get me started on the AF road.... not sure yet. SO much going through my head.

Love and hugs to all, love Sun XXXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there

I went to the hospital yesterday with my mum and after an hour or more wait because the doctor had been called to surgery we got good news, the cyst is smaller than it was 6 months ago so she just has to go back on another 6 months for them to keep an eye on it. After that I went home with her then went to visit my daughter. I then had to pop to the shops for bits for our tea so by the time I got home and had cooked the meal and eaten it it then cleared up it was nearly 8.30pm !! I still feel tired this morning but have to go to the hospital myself today then on to this therapy service that my psychiatrist has referred me to. I am only going to comply with his advice tho as I have been there before and they are not much good. I too have tried bac but didnt get very far with it.

Buggy Im not sure what you are wanting to do, is it to find out more about bac, if so there are lots of threads with bac advice plus the ones TExas recommended. In the book RJ took Topamax which most of us on this thread either take or have taken so if thats the route you want to take please come back to us.

I hope your mumis ok Dizzy let us know what goes on there. I also hope that you start feeling better soon and get everything sorted, it is so frustrating to not have a diagnosis when you know something is wrong. How long do the test results take. well done on the AF days, I think that you are taking antabuse, an I right, so even with the stress of all this you could not drink yesterday or today.

Hi Teezah its good to hear from you, please try to post more if you can I find it really does help if I keep close contact here. I have also found the self loathing seems to hit us at our lowest and distraction is the best way to deal with it.

Its too bad that the book does not seem as good as you hoped Sun but I think you should try to keep at it now youve started, thats if you can and want too. Once you loose this motivation you dont know when you will get it back again to start another route.

Play I hope you had a day off and are not too tired from work, I do worry about you working too hard.

Stuck I great to hear form you mate, I did look out for you when I came back on and have been wondering where you where, have you got your own thread going again, I will go and look for it after here.

Hi Ally, hope your ok.

xx

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Both of my doctors told me to take the Campral even though I am drinking . They said it will help to curve my drinking.
I smoked in my 30's, I used the patch, kept cutting it smaller, then the gum. It took me about 2years to totally quit the patch. I hate my addictive personality.I believe my Mom is telling me to quit, smoking killed her. I don't want to die of a bad liver.
I need to quit forever because I am healthy otherwise. My big problem is sleeping. I hate those nights when I can't fall asleep . I take meletonin, and a benedril.

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Meggie: Good luck w your campral!

Dizzy: sorry about your mom... Hope the lithium level wasn't too high that it didn't do permanent damage to her kidneys or something..... But thanks for the tip about the money under the floor board tip... I'll go home and check tonight! (Lol! She didn't live w me!)

Teezah: yay for you!!!!

Space: glad to hear your mom's cyst is smaller. Just wish your psychiatrist has something magical up his sleeves for you!

My weight loss has plateaued. It's stopped completely. I'm 12 lb lighter, about where I was 2 years ago but still 12 lbs over weight for my height. I just have no energy to exercise. Never had much Energy and never will. Unless I start taking cocaine. Lol! When I drank I had more energy but can't go that route again....

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

I'm still tired and I'm still waiting for the doctor to come back to me. She must have gotten the bloods back by Wednesday morning at the latest and I know she is busy and must write an email report to me but I wish she would hurry up.

OK, I have interesting news about my mom and perhaps it could help some of you out there with energy level problems. The reason my mom was hospitalised was that she had super low Vitamin B12 levels. Apparently 30% of people over 50 lose the ability to properly absorb VitB12 and this can lead to depression, fatigue, memory loss and even dementia like symptoms.

I've decided to go for an injection tomorrow because I'm so tired as they also say excessive alcohol use can cause this condition and I'll do anything to get out of this tiredness slump.

For those who want to read more about this, here's a good article:

Vitamin B12 Deficiency: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

Ally, perhaps the B12 could help you, or some Iron. Ever had your levels checked? Well done on the weight loss and I know how awful plateaus are. I've started eating a low GI diet because of the PCOS and so far its working quite well, especially as I usually gorge on sugar when I stop drinking. I bought some Xylitol and honey and snack throughout the day to keep my blood sugar stable.

I have a Wii game console in the UK and asked my bf to buy me 'The Biggest Loser' and 'Zumba' for when I get back, they sound quite fun if you're the kind of person who prefer exercising at home.

Meggie, have you ever tried electronic cigarettes? I know not everyone here agrees with me but it really does help me cut down. And my boyfriend now smokes 10 normal cigarettes and replaces 10 with the e-cigarette. It cuts out all the tar and extra chemicals and just gives you the nicotine. He says 80% of smokers at work do it now and (boys will be boys) they now compete with who has the biggest cigarette tank and the most accessories

Space, you sure have been busy. Sometimes 'forced activity' gives me energy for the rest of the week and sometimes it just exhausts me. Glad to hear the good news about your mom!

Sun, you didnt give much news but I was surprised to see you are contemplating Antabuse, I actually stopped 'selling' it as I always heard that you guys were nervous about it. I think we are all different, I was nervous the first time, a bit the second time, and now its a trusted buddy, sometimes it annoys the sh*t out of me, but we understand each other. I think you could do it and I'll help you with it if you like any tips.

Hi teezah, how long have you been taking Topamax. Its great that its working for you on such a low dosage. First of all 10 days of such little drink is amazing, so why not rather focus on that instead of the one evening you went a bit overboard? I know I do the same but every night of little or no drinking is still a feather in my hat. Its true what they say though, moderation will always be harder than abstinence, but here we are still trying to find a way to drink normally You're doing well, don't let one night put you off.

Bed time for me.

Hugs to everyone.

:l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Everyone,
Playing a bit of catch up here:
Space, I think there must be something to do with your new meds, maybe not the Tramadol, but possibly the Depakote , that is keeping you from drinking. As we all know it does not just happen out of the "blue" , there has to be an explanation, and I bet for you it is the Depakote,

So, I'm really happy that you are off the drink, but also sad that you are having such problems with the depression. I'm happy that your mum is doing really well.

Dizz, I'm really wishing that I could start on the Topa again, but I know that I can't function at work on it, I had too many brain lapses, I just can't take the chance while I am still working, for now at least, I used to do things that later I just had no memory of, and I was so depressed that I had no recall of those things and it seemed so strange to me.

Hey Dear Meggie,
I really think that people just have different levels of consciousness at different times in their lives. Please don't worry about not having lots of memories of your past, it is normal, I have some memories do of my very early years and then Hugh lapses for years.

Closing for now, just got a call from the hospital asking if I can work tomorrow, so better get ready for bed. I meant to have four days off but people are sick with the flu and it is very difficult to say no when they call me. But I will see you soon.

Love and hugs, Playland

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there everyone - just got in from work and unwinding. Doing a clopen so have to be up at 5.00 but it still takes some time to unwind !! Plus I was VERY active at work so it is going to take a while !

Hi there play - I see that you are working tomorrow now - so much for saying no and enjoying your four days off, but I know what it is like. i was supposed to do a 9-5.30 today and ended up doing another managers close 'cos i didn't say no.....

Diz - thanks for the info on the b12 - I find it ironic that I always have energy - being veggie, one thing I am likely to lack is B12, but fortunately for me, I ALWAYS have energy - not sure why or where from, but all I can say is thank goodness i do!!

re the antabuse - I was thinking of trying it just to get me over that first day where I think "Shall I, shan't I?" But I can't get any - I don't want to order any as I only want a few tabs. A few years ago, I took a HALF of one and was terrified to drink for days !! I am not even going to ask my doc - you all know how wonderful SHE is !!

Talking of forced energy - I wonder if that is why I always have energy - I am so incredibly busy at work, and have always walked really quickly and done things quickly - I wonder if that is why I have energy - energy creates energy!!

Ally - sorry your weight loss has plateaued - but that often happens - it will start again I am sure. it seems to playeau for a while then will start going down again, although from your pic, you do not look overweight to me !!

Meggie - do I understand that you DID quit smoking? I got a tad confused...... that is on my list of things to do. In fact, for me, it is more important than the drinking - I thought I was going to finally find My Way Out with a book that I was reading but it hasn't quite panned out that way - I like a book by allan carr about the Easy Way to Quit smoking and have dug that out again. Although I do have the patches and the gum...... SIGH !!!!!

I too take melatonin and it always puts me to sleep - I might wake in the night but always go back to sleep with no problem. What mg are you taking?

Space - I am so pleased about the good news for your mum - that must be a HUGE weight off your mind !! I am sorry that you don't hold out much hope for the therapy service from the hospital for you - I worry about you :l:l

Regarding the book - no, I don't have much motivation from it. I thought I would have when I first got it, but I really don't. To be honest, the allen Carr books do more for me than this book is doing. Even with the spreadsheets and all !! The spreadsheets HAVE shown me that I don't smoke as much as I thought i did and shown me that I drink more than I thought I did. Hells bells.

I suppose I need to get on the L-Glut and the Kudzu really..... WHEN I take them, they work for me.

As for WTE - I have been in touch with her and she misses us, but like me, she needed a break - felt she wasn't contributing anything. She might be back - I hope so as I miss her too. She is part of our family here.

Anyway - I need to get to bed. I have to be up in five and a half hours. And probably won't be in bed for a while as I am going to do a couple of e-mails.

love and hugs to all, love, Sun XXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun how can you survive on so little sleep, I worry about you. But whatever the reason you have so much energy just be glad you do as you are obviously doing the right thing there. Its too bad the book didnt work the way you wanted it too but you do seem determined so hopefully the Allen Carr book and the patches and gum will work for you.

I went to see the CBT therapist yesterday and fter complaining about the service I got last time the new woman seems to be a lot better. I like her and will be seeing her every Thursday afternoon. She has given me a sheet to write down what I do during the day and how much pleasure I get from it. Also last night my eldest son who is usually in his room all the time came down and sat with me and it was lovely to spend the evening with him just chatting and watching tv.

Play you know I worry with you working so hard but I do understand that it is hard to say no when you know you can help, especially since you have such and important job, just remember you have to look after yourself as well and try and make sure you keep the next three days off to you.

I think something has stopped my drinking as it is just happening too easily for any other explanation. I know it is partly me as I now dont want to risk messing it up and loosing whatever it is going on but I have stumbled across Tramadol being used for depression while looking for something else online so maybe that is playing a part as well as the Depakote, I really dont know what it is but I am just going with it. I know I have to be careful because being bipolar this can all change anytime.

Thats interesting Dizzy about the vitamin B12, I think I will get some next week when I get some money and try them. I am glad your mum is ok now and she found out what was wrong. I dont want to talk about weight right now as although my weight gets me down I have decided to accept it for a while until I am feeling better.

Sorry I havent got back to everyone in this post but I am tired and my mind is wandering now so even if I havent spoken to you know that I am thinking of you

Bye for now x

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thank you so much for all your encouragment

one thing i'll say about how i felt the other night after having a few drinkies is that the self loathing may well of come from the topa...? i'm prone to a bit of depression, but have kept it at bay for a looooong time so since the topa is the only thing that has changed recently i'm thinking that's what had me feeling down.

so I've titrated up to 75mg and have said to dh that we're going af. i just think it'll be easier making the commitment for now.

i'll also keep popping in when i can >>hugs

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

dizzy: you're right about the b12. i'm afraid of needles though.. haven't had blood work done for 8 years! trying to get the courage up to get it done

sun: send me some energy please! i thought about taking some energy pills but then i don't want to get anxious.

teezah and space: congrats on your efforts on not drinking! but space: becareful because I have seen people getting addicted to tramadol.... so just be careful..... ok? hugs xxx

play: you and I are very alike, I'd like to meet you one day. I think sun can tell you that i'm kind of like you, a workaholic who just work whenever people ask me to even though I am already dead tired from working....i hope you get some rest and get time to spend a little time to yourself....

all right.... i am going back to reading....

sun: i spilled a drink on that autobiography book! i'm so upset at myself. i took it to work to read and spilled my l glut/ice tea mixed drink all over it...... i know you said you might want to read it again and you also said to give it to someone else, but i was going to keep it in pristine condition in case you want it back.... i'm sorry....i'll buy you a new one when you want to read it again. i'm half done with the book. haven't gotten the lessons yet but they cashed my check so they got the applications at least....

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Love You Guys!

Hi, I'm back after a day of rest and a day of working today, well, even one day off helped me feel rested and then on the way home, "The Universe" gave me such an overwhelming gift, I thought, "I knew there was a reason I went to work today", so as I was walking down Powell street to Market to take the Bart home, well, I was just overwhelmed to be in the presence of the most remarkable guy who was singing, he was so wonderful, and it turned out that he will be singing at a small place just a few blocks from my apartment for the next few Fridays, I really gave thanks that I worked today:thanks:

Sometimes when I return from Europe, I have the feeling that we are a "third world country" and at least today, I was reminded of some of the things that I still love here:h thank you Mr. B.

Ok, back to the topic: us and our situations:H

Dear Ally, yes, I would never have thought of myself as a workaholic until you mentioned that you thought we are a bit alike, wow, it just dawns on me that yes, even tho I want to be a free spirit, and I am as I work "per diem", I still work a lot and find it difficult to say "NO" when others are sick, or sick and tired:H:H, and end up working ALOT.

I also see that you will be in San Francisco in May, I'd love to meet you if you would be agreeable to that, and also if you would like a place to stay, I could host you for a few days. You may have friends or family to stay with, but if not, please consider my invitation, Sun will vouch for me, I'm easy to get along with:h

Taking a short break,
Play