New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HI everybody ! I woke up about an hour ago from a rather long nap !! I will not have another drink so when I sleep tonight it will be as if there is no AL in my body - which will be good practice for Monday!! And I have decided not to get any Guinness for tomorrow either - my usual tipple - I will have some Kahlua and milk instead - will not have as much as I would have had the Guinness. In fact, after my long nap and wasted half day today I half thought about starting my AB tomorrow, but will think about it.

Hi stuck - good to see you. No, no pubs near us - closest one is a few miles away and I would not go in it anyway !! Not like UK pubs at all!!!! I have always done my drinking at home. Laughed at you and living near one - AND your vision of the boat with the bikin clad housewives - LOL !! Between you and Space, I had a real vision in my head !! :H:H And no apologies needed - ha ha ha !

Oh Teezah - I remember people rubbing whiskey on babies gums !! Or putting some on their dummies !! No wonder most people over there drink!

Space thank you for your comment about me and my weight - no, I am not worried about it, you are right - and yes, I am most definitely going to get some more muscle !! LOL. And as for being a bad friend to Play and me - don't be silly - you have been through a really hard time and I am just happy you are back with us. THAT means more to me than anything. So as for anything you can do for me - it is just to keep posting !!!

I would not worry right now about the weight either - as you said, don't have one more worry - things are beginning to sort themselves out for you. I agree with Teezah - about trying to sort it out - about having more energy years ago and feeling diferently - but that was when you were drinking wasn't it? And you conveniently forget the hungover mornings and the wasted evenings when you didn't do anything as you were drinking. I do think it is a good idea to write things out - sometimes it helps us work stuff out so as teezah said - keep typing. Play is good at sorting stuff like that out - maybe she can come up with something. I am curious to see how I feel when I am AF as when I went AF for 8 months, I felt quite flat most of that time !! And once I started drinking again it was as if my - as you put it - zest for life - came back. SO - I will also have to do some searching of my own. The drinking just takes up too much of my time - even though I don't get drunk or have hangovers, it does take up my time and my energy! Like today - I had my drinks then a sandwich and promptly fell asleep. wasted two hours !! Between the drinking and the nap, I have wasted about 4 or so hours of today. I feel fine now and am drinking water and won't drink any more and feel as if I haven't even had a drink!

Oh Space - I can't remember when now that someone mentioned that we were not talking about Topa or even who it was - it matters not - it irked me 'cos I felt that we are here if someone does need help! And I love this thread..... and teezah found us and Meggie found us - so people will ask if they need something and then they join our happy family !!!:H

Play - you are right - I don't live near much of anything !! Lots of churches, schools and a couple of parks. Yes, lots of folk have come and gone on this thead haven't they? It is interesting to read back and see them.....

HI Houtx - Bye Houtx - LOL !!! I have never met anyone who loses their posts like you do !!!! You really need to learn to cut and paste seeing as always lose your posts !!

Play - I agree with stuff coming up when one is off the AL. also we will have to fill our time - right now I feel stone cold sober. Usually I would get another Guinness and then probably carry on on the computer or watch something silly on TV - but after I finish this I was thinking "what shall I do?" And because I AM sober, it is so different. it is 6.20 in the evening - I don't want to watch TV - it is too early to go to bed. I think I shall do some of our studying. which I wouldn't do if I had had a drink. I am obviously going to have to plan ahead so I have things to fill my time. Strange how I never had to think of something to do when i was drinking. Hhmmmm - really an odd thought.

Teezah - I am glad that the Modalert is helping you with the tired feeling from the topa - eventually that will go away, or I found it did as your body gets used to it. I never did try anything as it always used to go away fairly fast for me. if you don't sleep well tonight, maybe you could take the Modalert at a different time or break it in 3/4 or something? I am going to check it out but doubt that I will take it as I am really lucky in having lots of energy. But it does sound good for counteracting that SE of Topa.

Why did you come off your AD's last August? I had a real mess up with mine last year - too long and boring to go into again (for the others here that know) but they have never worked the same since. Had you been on them long?

I am so happy that you are here with us by the way!!

Anyway - Diz - we need to hear from you sometime... where are you please? and ally - hope everything is going well, I know that your dad is visiting but a quick pop in to say hi and let us know you are okay would be great!

I need to get going before you are all asleep reading this ! love and hugs to you,

Sun XXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Gang, I've had a long day at work and i'm too tired to post and also won't be able to until monday as I work tomorrow and I'm off on monday so I will wait till then.

But I do want to say to you dear Space, please, please don't feel that you are a bad friend, as Sun said we are just happy you are here with us, and you know, we are all just good people and we are doing the best that we can at this time in our lives and I think we are marvelous for just making the effort to change our lives, and the best part of the whole AL thing for me is that it brought me here to this thread where I have met really wonderful friends, so dear Space, you haven't done anything wrong at all, please look in the mirror every day and love yourself and see the person that you truly are

P.S. Space, I'm thinking of Spain in July, very hot and sunny, beach weather, you might want to get your trolley out again

love and talk soon,
play

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Doing my new daily check in. I was wondering how many on this thread are AF. I have also found that without drinking I have felt like I was lifeless. The doctor has said I will feel so much better AF. The benefits I see are only health. Also, I don't have to wake up and try to remember who I had talked to the night before and if I sounded drunk or what I said. But I enjoy my wind down every night at 8 and the drink. The problem is when I drink too much. I mark the bottle to see how much I drink daily. I have found I drink more if I start earlier. I rarely have hangovers, but I know daily drinking is too much drinking. I quit with topa but can't take it with keppra, the campral doesn't seem to work. I am scheduling counseling, but I enjoy the drink.
I also am so afraid of the lack of sleep that makes me sick. I have to be able to sleep and get up to go to my job.

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun ? I was on the AD?s since disabled d was about one so that would be 9 years! It was a very difficult time for us when she was small and going through her diagnosis. Her health was not good, I had two other small children and DH worked away then, as he does now. The drinking really dated back from that time as well as it really helped to numb the feelings that were coming up. It was a pretty awful time. What changed was starting on Baclofen, would you believe! The anti-anxiety effect of that made the anti-depressant surplus to needs and I came off it easily. The bac really helped me reduce the drinking ? I was down to 1 or 2 glasses of wine a night, but the se?s were bad and getting worse ? tinnitus, aching muscles, cramps, worsened asthma?.so I titrated down at the end of last year and committed to the topa. That the topa has got me af in a matter of about 10 days is nothing short of a miracle!

Aside from taking the ad?s, I take responsibility for my life and my mind (from what I?ve read here, you guys have done this too) CBT, mindfulness, meditation, yoga so I am hoping, hoping, hoping I have done enough to be able to stay off ad?s.

Play ? I?ve read back through your story this morning and what can I say? I?m so very, very glad that your grand daughter was born safely and you supported your family with such strength. What a woman you are! And then the glaucoma. I?m so very sorry for what you must have been feeling then. Thank goodness you stayed with the site & this thread and now are looking forward to the new venture with sun. I?ve taken everything you typed at that time on board ? making sure I have an emergency supply, never stop the topa & realise the cravings WILL return if I come off it?

Which leads me to long term prognosis. Whatever happened to RJ? Did she just take topa & supplements for 12 weeks, then taper and was cured ? forever to moderate on just a few supplements & hypno cd?s? What happens to others that successfully come through here on the topa route? Are they still around on the site? Do they stay on topa for a year? Two? Five? I?m quite happy to park myself on them for a while, but forever??

Meggie - I feel your emptyness! I enjoyed a bath on Friday night - submerging in hot water is a lovely feeling, and it does not give you a hangover
xxx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Meggie and teezah !!

meggie - not a lot of us are AF here - right now, space is, Dizzy is part time - LOL. play and I will also be part time from tomorrow. Houtx isn't but is trying. I too used to worry about not sleeping, but last night as I hadn't had a drink from 3.00pm, until when I went to bed, it was really as if I hadn't had a drink - for the few that I had had before 3.00, they were way long gone out of my system when I went to bed. I did wake up a few times in the night but went back to sleep. It is something that we just have to get over when we first stop. It isn't as bad as it sounds, depending on how much one has been drinking too. Watch out for how Play and I do this coming week and that will give you an idea.

You too felt lifeless when you weren't drinking - does anyone have any ideas about this? It is a conundrum that is for sure. (I think pooh would say something like that - LOL). I am hoping that by filling the time that I did spend drinking I won't have that feeling this time.

I too keep saying that I enjoy the drink. I like Alan carrs book - The Easy Way To Control Your Drinking. Lots of folk don't - but I did/do. He will refute that point about liking/enjoying a drink - if you haven't read it, you should. Again, lots of folk don't care for it but it really hit home for me.

Hi there teezah - Bac scares me silly - but then I used to say that about antabuse and here I am about to take some !! Good for you to be able to stay off the AD's - I would ideally like to get off them - when I think back I am wondering if there was a correlation between my drinking going up and me starting them. If I can get my AL consumption down, seeing as AL is a depressant, I might be able to cut down on my AD's - that is what I am hoping anyway.

As far as I know, RJ took Topa for longer than 12 weeks- you can take it indefinitely. my nephew is on it for seizures at a much higher dose than I was on. And has been for many years. If it works for you, then I see no reason why you shouldn't continue it. Maybe in a year or two, see how you feel - but I feel if it isn't broke, don't fix it ! That is what my Doc did with my AD's and then it WAS broke ! BIG TIME.

Off to make raspberrycupcakes.......

hugs, sun XXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, I hear ya' loud n' clear, sister. Lifeless is exactly it. There's just no reason to do anything--don't feel like going anywhere, doing anything other than staring at the wall. You know, it's one of those things where you'll be standing at the stove making an egg-white omelette in the morning, thinking "you know, there's some orange juice in the fridge and I could have that with my eggs and coffee--that would be a nice breakfast."

But then as soon as you even think that, BAM. "What the hell's the point of drinking OJ if there's no vodka in it!?" F*ck! The eggs go straight in the trash, you kick the bloody refrigerator, light a smoke and take the coffee into the other room to sulk for the rest of the goddamned day, getting more and more pissed as the sun rises, the sky brightens, there's no whiskey in the coffee, and everyone on earth seems like they're doing something fun.

Grrrrrrrrr! (It does get better, though )

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

StuckinLA;1460406 wrote: Sun, I hear ya' loud n' clear, sister. Lifeless is exactly it. There's just no reason to do anything--don't feel like going anywhere, doing anything other than staring at the wall. You know, it's one of those things where you'll be standing at the stove making an egg-white omelette in the morning, thinking "you know, there's some orange juice in the fridge and I could have that with my eggs and coffee--that would be a nice breakfast."

But then as soon as you even think that, BAM. "What the hell's the point of drinking OJ if there's no vodka in it!?" F*ck! The eggs go straight in the trash, you kick the bloody refrigerator, light a smoke and take the coffee into the other room to sulk for the rest of the goddamned day, getting more and more pissed as the sun rises, the sky brightens, there's no whiskey in the coffee, and everyone on earth seems like they're doing something fun.

Grrrrrrrrr! (It does get better, though )

ROTFLMBO Stuck !!!!!! :H:H:H

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I owe a lot of cool responses to some very caring people on here and trust me I've read all the posts. Just had a hard 'AF work week' but had lunch on a wine farm today and shot the most amazing photographs of clouds. Its for a valentines present for my bf, will be printed on canvas. Dark blue African sky with cheery luminescent clouds at sunset for our bedroom.

Sun and Play - I wish you the best of luck. 5 AF days is not always easy and you will have adjust but there is so much health benefits that come with it. I have lost weight, feel more in charge and picked up more work already in 3 weeks. Just stick with your monday dose and enjoy the weekends

Love to all

XOX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OH DIZZ,
I'm so happy to see you, do you think you will be in the UK in July? I'm wanting to come see you for a couple of days while I am next time in Spain, which I'm thinking will be in July. I can't go back for some time as I need to save up some money and pay the rent, I was there about half the year in 2012 and it just about wiped me out financially.

Hi to EVERYONE Else, I have so much to post about, my "topics" of course, respond to what you are all posting about and I'm having so little time, work has taken over my life, today I said a prayer, "Dear God/Universe, please let the money pour down as easily as the work pours down", haha, so I need more money and less work, who knows, The Lotto perhaps, a rich guy perhaps , I'm hoping if I "ask", I will "receive".

I guess tonight I will post about what a significant day it has been for me, it was about this time last year that I first started posting on this thread, Sun went AF via the Carr book, I had great results with Topa, my little grand-daughter was born, and actually tomorrow is her birthday, actually not her real age, but from her premature birth.

Today I've been thinking and remembering about that awful month in January when I had to rush to spain and she was born 2 month premature, beautiful and perfect, and in the end we did get the DX of a very significant rare genetic condition that will be a lifelong thing to manage, but in our prayers at that time I remember that we were praying for it to be something "manageable" and it is in many ways, and because she was diagnosed 2 weeks after birth, she has had the great advantage of all the early interventions and 2 months ago she started on Human Growth Hormone, which is the standard of care now for these children. There have been huge advances in treating this condition and there are high hopes that in the next ten years there will be a major break thru regarding another medication.

So, cognitively our little girl is perfect, developmentally, she is delayed and about two weeks ago was a big day for us, she started being able to sit up totally by herself, and can now sit at the table in her little high chair and really join the family. She adores her older brother and he "reads" to her, gets in the pac and play with her and would sleep in her crib with her if we let him, and obviously he adores her too, so its been a really tough year, I have been there 4 times and the last time my daughter went thru her hip replacement surgery, we are hoping that the next year will be easier all the way around. But I'm not going to be there as much which will be sad for me, but I guess I have to try to go with the flow.

So about a year ago I was having huge success on the Topa then it kind of went to heck, it still kept helping when I restarted it but never quite the same, but it kept me under a bottle a night until I had to go off due to becoming a zombie at work, back up to 1 1/2 or 2 every night, the torture starting again.

So, it's a big day tomorrow, Sun and I are going to start our AB experiment, Sun tapered today, I tapered the last 3 days but tonight I am full blast again, somehow thinking I'll drink all that I can before I can't, that doesn't make sense I know, but to my AL brain it makes perfect sense.

I'm totally afraid tonight, not of withdrawl, I don't think I will have any, but I'm so terrified of the "cravings", I've never had any willpower with that, now how will I manage for the week when I am forced to have willpower. I'm not worried that I will drink on the AB, I'm just dreading the cravings, and you know it is so totally wierd, because, it is all "In Our Head". When I took the topa and didn't drink it didn't bother me at all, now I'm scared of not having the drink because I can't have it, what kind of sense does that make? I know once I go to sleep at night it will be ok in the morning until the next night.

So, well, Sun and I will keep in touch every single day and let you know how it goes and I also have so much more to post on, perhaps that will take my mind off it, but you know, EVERYTHING IS A TRIGGER FOR ME, where do I go, what do I do that isn't a trigger? Well, I guess we shall see, like Sun said to me, "Go Dig a Hole and Then Cover It Back Up".

Ok, bye for tonight, I love you all so much. Houtx, we need to meet in the near future, and I'm wishing we can have that "great road trip adventure" that we planned some time ago, hey WTE, we also need the "Annual Meeting",

love and peace,
play

P.S. Stuck, we will come for you.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Play

I should be in the UK in July, sounds like a plan! Hopefully we'll have a bigger place by then as well.

I know that last night making up for it feeling. I bought almost 1 of each drink available the week before I went to rehab. Except for the daily guided meditation, massage and 7AM beach walks I hated it there. A bit like prison with crystal therapy

What I wanted to say is that cravings can be tough, the 1st 3 days is physical but remember after that (if you keep 5 AF days) all of its psychological. The 1st time I did 30 days with AB I allowed myself as much junk food as I wanted. I substituted AL with chocolate and chips and fast food and STILL lost 3 kilos

I think just be really gentle and generous with yourself in all other regards the 1st week and then reign it in. Your body will crave sugar so you can have a cookie if you have a craving but also eat 3 meals and 2 snacks to keep your blood sugar up. And stay hydrated too.

I suggest doing all/most of your shopping on the sunday if the supermarket wine isle bugs you like it does me.

I avoided all evening get togethers but rather met up for breakfast. For instance, I bowed out of 2 friends birthday parties but treated them for a chocolate pancake breakfast at this girly fancy french restaurant. It was much nicer than the parties and no one drinks over pancakes so that was solved.

The cool thing about cravings is that no matter if they feel really bad, once your head KNOWS you're on AB (and it takes a while for the said stubborn head) the craving will be like the 3 year old throwing a tantrum on the supermarket floor. Once the mom (you) distracts it for 20 mins the tears have dried and all is forgotten.

So how do I distract? I have a big glass of water/juice and then I either curl up in bed with a movie, take a long bubble bath (added epsom salts help me feel better as your skin absorbs magnesium that helps calm you), go for a walk in nature or just around the block (not near pubs/supermarkets), listen to guided meditations. Or I come on here and write about my feelings or if all else fails I either have a cookie or a really long cry. I cried quite a bit this week but whenever I do I try to remember that tears releases a very powerful stress relieving hormone. God was very smart to give us that built in stress relief

So glad you gals are joining me.

XOX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, I find that I've been losing a kilo a week as I'm also eating low GL. But do NOT put yourself under pressure the first week. I just meant to say so when I feel bad in the week I think of my long term goal: a healhier, slimmer me that wake up clear headed and ready for work during the week, and I plan a 'reward' every weekend with the money I've saved on booze.

I've had sushi at the seaside, I bought a new top and went to the movies, and this weekend I had lunch at a wine farm and took great photos. My AL tolerance has also gone down so I do find I can drink less when I do as well.

So give yourself something to look forward to on Saturday for when the cravings hit. 5 days is not that long if you consider the health, time, weight, and monetary benefits.

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, everyone.... Sorry, so busy w my dad these days.... Just want to drop a short note to wish sun and play best of luck w the experiment .... Will check back to see your progress.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good call, Ally. Sun and Play, I'd also like to say my thoughts are with you as you start your AF week tomorrow.

And I guess I also might as well say that pubs aren't nearly as much fun on a Sunday afternoon, by the beach, with a cool breeze blowing in off the ocean and sports on the tv, when you watch the bartender take a frosted imperial pint glass from the cooler and pour a nice, light ale and set it down on the bar in front of your friend next to you, the foam spilling ever so slightly over the top and down the side of the glass, before he picks it up and takes a drink. Nor is it a fun place to be as the bartender and he repeat the whole process over again while you squeeze a lime into a club soda and madly suck it down, wondering why it doesn't feel like anything. Nor is it fun when you leave the pub, still chewing on the straw from the glass of soda, and walk out into the darkening sky and down to the water, looking out over the carnival lights and ferris wheel on the pier, surrounded by buzzed tourists. What a crap day.

So it's probably for the best you don't have any pubs close by, Sun. But either way, cravings are manageable, Play, they just suck.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG!!! Stuck, well, I do live near to EVERYTHING!!! but I suppose I should not sit at the pub and salivate all evening long, no, no way, can't do that, i'd go nuts, how do you manage to do that and stay SANE, or are you

love u

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just popping in to say:

Go Play & Sun!!


:wave:


Dizzy - wow, I'm so happy for you it sounds like a lovely weekend,
Ally - we'll be thinking of you.
Stuck - You got me craving beer, and I don't even drink it...you need to get yourself the hell out of dodge.