New here and starting Topa and with a question

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a reminder to new members that I'm also on 75mg Topa and its working well for me.

I want you all to please say a little prayer or send healing thoughts to my mom who is also starting Topamax today for her crippling bipolar disorder. I'm praying I has the same effect on her i.e. energy and not lethargy as she's practically been bedridden since June last year and I'll be so disappointed if this doesn't work.

XOX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning or afternoon or wherever you all are !! I am getting ready for work and wanted to post today before leaving but don't have much time now.....

Thanks everyone for the support. Play and I will definitely be in touch today and no doubt all this week. Play - I wish you would stop worrying about the cravings. Yes, they will happen but we will deal with them when they happen - don't worry about them now! We just have to fill that void - and we have each other to call !! It is all about filling the void. Yes, if one has a garden, you can even go out and dig a hole and then fill it back in - anything to fill the void. Make some soup - bake cookies. Call me. The cravings will pass. I intend to drink water - I like water - when the cravings hit. Plus if we both take the L-Glut I think that will help enormously with the cravings - the physical ones. the mental ones are different. the not having that drink when i get home from work - that one will be a hard one for me as I know it will be for you too but we will be fine - we can do this. We WILL do this.

Dizz y -lovely to see you. Teezah - thanks for the support :l Stuck - I don't know whether to come and beat you with a ball bat or to laugh at you !!! Oh gosh - I am out of time. Knew it would go very quickly. Will post when I get home.

love and hugs to all, sun XXX

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

here for support Sun and Play!!!
ROCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi to Play and Sun, good luck for today although you wont need it, you can do this in fact you are both doing it, you go girls :cheering:

Hi Dizzy let me know how your mum goes with the topa, when I spoke to my psychiatrist last week he said that he wont give anything that may bring me up or help my energy as it can lead to a mania and he prefers to keep bipolar patients low as it is safer. I tried to tell him how difficult it is when I am practically bedridden with depression but he didnt seem to be listening, unless I am suicidal they dont care about the depression side of my illness. The epilim I am taking seems to be the thing that is stopping me drinking, which is fantastic of course, but is doing nothing for my mood. Also I have developed a taste for sweet thing which I didnt really have before.

Yesterday my car broke, the engine is ok but the brakes seem to be jammed on, it is a very old car and is also due for its mot test in April so Im not sure whether it is even worth the expence of getting it repaired. I dont know anyone who could look at it and give me an idea of the price without charging me so right now its stuck on my driveway and Im stuck in the house even more :upset: oh well. My biggest problem with this right now tho is that I am crap at dealing with things nowadays and this seems like such a massive thing to deal with. Do I get this car fixed, if so I dont know how much it will cost or what else is likely to be wrong with it, I didnt really expect it to last this long when I bought it over 3 years ago. My son wants to get another car, it will only be a few years newer than this one as he has some savings he wants to use for it but he doesnt have that much, he doesnt like the car I have now as it is so small so he has been wanting me to get something a bit bigger. The problem with that is I dont want him to pay for my car so I will then owe him more money and that makes me feel shit even tho he says its ok. Oh I am waffling again sorry.

xx

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space, I really feel for you just now..I just feel there is no one there to fight your corner for you and you are so low that you cannot function and fight your own corner. Surely the point of being on drugs for your bi-polar is that you can function in your day to day life?? It seems like madness to me that your psychiatrist is keeping you depressed, surely this cannot be current NHS best policy? Is it possible to get a second opinion? I cannot see anyone telling Stephen Fry that they are going to keep him depressed because it is safer. It is making me very angry that they are treating you like this.

Do you have a bi-polar forum that you post to? or a support group? Obviously you have your son and he seems to helping in his own way, but not getting to the heart of the problem which is stabalising your mood at a higher level than a permanent moderate depressive state.

Rant Over!!

All said with love & hugs to you, dear space

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

mama bear;1460840 wrote: here for support Sun and Play!!!
ROCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

LOL - thanks my friend !!!!! Also thanks for the support from Space and of course all of you.

had to pick up Miss Tiggy Winkle from doggy day care today on my way home from work which changed my routine - then when I got home, instead of pouring a Guinness, I did some dinner - I was hungry! Usually I grab a guinness which fills me! So I had some dinner !! Then some water - and some more water. I LOVE water fortunately. So far it isn't bad - I mean, I am missing having my Guinness but am not having what could be called cravings by any means. But then I used to work until 10.30 at night and not even think about it.

I did have a cheese and Branston pickle sandwich for my lunch and felt quite odd after it. Got very hot, had a headache and a tummyache and felt flushed - just felt weird - felt like it for about an hour and a half more - pickle has vinegar in it and I had the sandwich about an hour or two after taking the Antabuse. Not sure if it was psychological or what - I didn't think about it when i was eating it so not sure what it was about but I won't be having any more Branston pickle that is for sure!!

I am waiting for Play to get home from work and contact me and see how she is feeling. She texted me on her way home and she had stopped for something to eat and had water instead of her wine with her veggie burger. I am wondering how I will sleep tonight....

Space - my dear Space, I am sorry about your car - I used to dread the MOT - the car always needed something doing to it. For those in USA - the MOT is the Ministry of transportation test that cars over 3 years old have to have every year and it is really strict. Covers everything you can think of and always costs an arm and a leg. I don't think I ever had a car get through it without needing stuff done.

Space - can you manage without a car? Where my mum lives, she doesn't have a car as the public transport is really good - the buses and the trains are excellent. It would be one worry off your mind and just something to think about. if you do have to have one, Why not let your son get one, and then if and when you need to go somewhere ask if you can borrow his? Just a thought....... I hate the thought of you worrying about something else. I also agree with teezah - why on earth is your Psych keeping you depressed - I know they would rather keep you low rather than get manic, but they have to see how you are !!!!! Does your mum know how you are? Can she go with you and talk to them - explain how low you are feeling? or a friend - just someone else who can also explain?

Anyway - hopefully something can be done - you cannot go on like this - it isn't fair to you - you are existing not living. Many hugs my dear :l:l

Love, Sun XXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone,
I'm home and in my jammies, the most difficult time normally and you know how I had tapered for two nights then last night, Bam, full on, and didn't feel as good this morning and it re-reminded me that I am getting sick of it again, the AL thoughts ALL THE DAM TIME, and drinking the minute I get home till sleep.

Ok, so the good news is that Sun took hers first this morning and I waited a little longer as I stayed up till pretty late, took mine at 11 AM. Sun had some kind of wierd reaction when she ate her special kind of pickles, but I told her that I had read that it takes one drink to bring on the symptoms, so hers went away pretty fast at least I think so, or perhaps she did have a reaction to the alcohol in the pickle, who knows. I didn't feel anything any different but tonight I feel a little more tired than usual if that can actually happen, and feel like I can go to bed earlier because I'm not drinking, I stay up late when i'm doing that and i'm crap the next day, exhausted.

Anyway, work took my mind off things during the day, I left mid-afternoon and stopped in to have a vegiee burger, I had a big glass of water and no AL. I took up the rest of the afternoon doing errands and now its 8:15 so I barely have time to post and watch a bit of netflix.

This is nowhere as bad as I thought it was going to be, I've had some small cravings, but it seems like in general my mind must have done some psychological adjusting to what was coming up, right now my drink is "bubbly water" which I love but usually just drink AL and NO Water, yikes, thats bad. My craving is no worse right now than when I was taking the topa and I'm doing really well, and don't feel any withdrawl symptoms coming on. I suppose tomorrow can be different and we have 4 more days before we can have fun on the weekend.

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT

Nora, do you still take the AB regularly? Why did we not realize what your system, we could have done this ages ago, anyway curious to hear more about your use of it.

Dear Ally, I so hope things are going well with your father there, and how is it going by the way, tell us a little about what is happening. And my application for the health insurance was turned down and so I am going to look into the kind that you mentioned, I just have to find some time. It took me 4 hours to fill out the other application, going back to find dates, addresses of doctors, phone numbers, blah, blah, blah, and then in the end they sent me a friendly letter saying that because I have some health issues I am not suitable to have insurance, how bizarre is that, only perfect people can have health insurance (private I mean) and then way do they need it, they have perfect health, oh it boggles my mind, oh well.

Hi Dizz, was just reading about your long distance TIFF with BF when he didn't get some emails, it sounds like the two of you are much better together than apart as I remember before you went to the UK last time this exact same kind of thing was happening all too often and made you wonder if would ever work out with him, happily you two seemed to get along really well when together.

Meggie, I keep forgetting to look up that Silva thing and I would like to watch the Oprah sunday thing but I don't have a TV, perhaps I can watch her stuff online after the fact, i'll try to remember to check out those two things, LOVE having you here.

Well girls and Stuck, I know I still have my "topic" things to post about but thats it for tonight, need to read and relax or netflix and relax, up early again tomorrow. Dear Space I too feel that it is not ethical that your psych wants to let you stay so severely depressed and tired, surely there is a better balance between how you are feeling right now and the mania. Is it possible with your health system to choose a different doc? or do you always just take whoever is there at that day. I also wish that you had a friend to go with you to these appointments and advocate for you, you really need someone who could do that for you.

Will for sure check in tomorrow night, hoping for another day that goes as surprisingly easy as today

love and peace

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Bf and I worked things out. Part of it is that I was asking him to first do his taxes before I apply for my visa but then he broke down on the phone on Sunday and said there is no way he can get to everything, he's been working day and night, changing jobs, stressed to the max etc. This was my leverage as I don't want him to get into trouble with the government, he is the kind of person to just wait and wait and wait but then again I also don't want to sit here forever I guess I'll just go and then I'll put all his receipts in order, like I eventually did with his work expenses. I don't mind doing it, I just wish he wasn't so averse to it.

Sent him a long distance Valentines card with Moonpig.com, kind of saved me that they send direct as I was late!

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here for the words of support. Last week was really tough for me and I just didn't want to bum anybody out, especially the two new weekday AF recruits as all I wanted to do was complain about not being able to drink . The method works fine, as time goes by the shiny newness just wears off and one needs to have coping mechanisms in place, something I haven't really done yet. I still live like a dry drunk during the week and that's not good I guess I'm just being hard on myself, my hormones was haywire, I was having a tiff, lots were going on, and my usual crutch was not available. So, I have to find a better way of coping than lying in bed moping and perhaps actually start talking to people about stuff.

Hmm, we'll have to get a name for our 'method' 5/7AF? Method to our Madness? ABfab? LOL. So glad you are doing well, Sun and Play. I knew you could do it! Sun, I've never had a reaction to any perfume or pickles etc. but perhaps just avoid it in the first 24-48 hours when the interaction is the strongest. My tummy is sometimes a bit upset on the first day because I have drunk the day before but other than that, no side effects.

WTE - was nice to hear from you again! :l

Teezah, you are such a sweetie pie, promise me you'll stay around.

Meggie, good to see you again, you should consider joining us on the Antabuse wagon.

Ally, hope all is going well with your dad and that things have calmed down a bit with your husband. Are you still AF?

Stuck, so I'm trying to figure out who's AF and who's not, not that it matters, more out of curiosity. But damn dude, I certainly won't hang around in pubs on AF days. I definitely don't go to them for their lovely smell and cool decor! OK, I guess you perhaps have cooler pubs in your area. My bf's Irish so he forever wants to go to the pub, my visit of Dublin was basically him showing me all the famous pubs. As I'm originally from a much sunnier Cape Town we have different drinking cultures, LOL. Barbeques and outside beer gardens vs dark stinky pubs.

Space, sent you an email about the fatigue. The doctor is doing the same thing with my mom. Do you know she had her on FOUR HUNDRED mg of Seroquel? Thats enough to drop an elephant. No wonder the poor woman can't get up in the mornings. I know how you feel, I still have to fix my flat tyre but am just floundering here.

Better get to work - its a very hot and uncomfortable 31 degrees celcius here today so its not very easy without aircon but I'll try.

Hugs to all,

:l

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all - Keeping a watchful eye on PLay & Sun...VERY interested. Loved reading the posts: Teezah, Space, Hippyman, etc.

Space - happy you are doing well AF, sad & concerned for your depression & no help from your DR. I'd say keeping bugging him to look at your meds or whatever you think he should do. Squeaky wheel & all that!! Car probs suck...but if you have a reliable mechanic, maybe he can work with you?? Forunately, mine is across the street from my school & we all use him. He can't afford to do a bad job!! Hope you can find or have someone who you trust - I'd ask friends for referrals. Having a good, trusted mechanic is like having a good DR. Good luck!

DIZ - always good to hear what works for you! Glad you are doing well! This whole taking AB on Monday and then drinking on the weeknds, intrigues me. Will keep following the posts and consider

I am not doing all that great. I over-drink when I am not really thinking about it. Wake up feeling like I could use 10 more hours of sleep. Foggy, red-eyed, at school have trouble stringing a sentence together... Or like this morning, my alarm didn't go off for some reason (damn kitties rubbing up against my warm clock?!). Woke up at 7:55!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Took me 15 minutes to get out the door, of course looking like absolute stomped on dogshit. Funny thing was...no one said anything!! Miss...what's up with your hair, how come you're not wearing mascara, etctetctetc - nothing! LOL So why do I bother??!!

Anyway - still trying to figure out travel to see WTE over my spring break...but fares spike then & it's looking unlikely. Yes, I lose posts TOO much. I think it's because I'm not logged on right...and HAHA!! Do you think having multi-glasses of wine has anything to do with it??!! Mostly, it's not being completely logged on, me thinks...

Anyway, as always, love getting on here and feeling better about my shit! Please Sun & PLay post often about every little detail about AB. DIZ, chime in. I am totally interested!!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, Play checking in to report on Day 2 of " The AB 5/2 Way Out"

or something like that. So, first off will just say that I have experienced no withdrawl symptoms, so that must mean that it is still a psychological addiction rather than physical, it was a relief not to get all weird.

The next amazing thing is that I never dreamed it would be this easy. I can't even believe it still, somehow my mind has accepted that there is just no drinking after the AB and it is still a feeling of being free to enjoy the weekend coming up,

I certainly don't want the weekend to just be the same way in which I was drinking, theoretically I would like for the moderation to center around special things, dinner with family, stopping at my favorite pizza place and having a slice and a Copa (glass of wine), something like being a normal person, and I think it also goes a long way for my mind to know that one AB on Monday is not abstinence for the rest of my life.

I think the only way to mess this up is in a weak moment , just stop taking the pill on Monday, but I have high hopes that won't happen:l and I have Sun for a partner, I think having that support makes all the difference.

So I am having a ton of energy return now. Before when I walked in the door and took that first drink I lost all motivation and energy to do anything more than sit in bed, drink, eat and be on my computer. Tonight, I sorted old papers, listened to the State of the Union Address, took a nice bath, had dinner and nothing more to eat this evening.

Ally and Dizz I'm hoping this will just make the weight start rolling off, and seriously if I don't lose some weight, about 25 pounds, I'm literally not going to be able to walk soon because my feet are so bad , and I read that for every one pound overweight that you are, it puts 10 pounds of pressure on your joints, so for me that is 250 pounds of extra pressure on my feet:upset:

Ally, I will try to come back to the weight losers thread now with my new system, AB 5/7 diet

Dizz, I worried a little bit when you said that when the newness wears off there needs to be a good system in place, I'm thinking on that, and thank you for bringing it to mind for me.

i also am really shocked about the dose of medication that your mother is taking, it seems out of line to me and I think you need to question the doc about it or cut it down yourself, they can't actually force her to take that much.

So far this has been just as easy as when I first stopped on the Topa a year ago. I hope this will just keep working if I just take it as we are doing. And it's nice that there are no side effects just from taking the pill as with Bac or Topa, but I still say the SE from Topa are nothing compared to bac, But here we are, stopped, just overnight, and looking forward to the weekend. At this point I would encourage anyone to do this method, we can all be partners in this new adventure.

The only time I'm a bit bothered is when the really big triggers come up, such as, something emotional with my kids where I am worried, walking by my pizza place but not wanting to go in because I ALWAYS for the last 8 years stopped there on my way home from work about once a week and had the same thing every single time, a slice of cheese pizza and a glass of white wine, so I don't even want to go in if I can't have the wine. The thoughts don't even last long because I know I cank drink at the moment and somehow I just turn the thoughts off kind of, you know I have absolutely no willpower, so it is something else happening for sure, it's good.

Another big trigger is walking thru my front door:H, and also getting into bed:H, now I'm drinking bubbly water or hot tea with cream.

Oh gee, there is so much I need to respond to for each of you but right now it is just me, me, me, sorry, perhaps in a few days I can get back to my topics and your lives also, but I'm thinking of each of you and thank you for being here and please stick here, we need all of us:h

Bye for now,
Play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Where is everyone? How are you doing, Sunny?

Houtx, thats just what I got so tired of, so thats why our 5/7 system makes so much sense, especially if you have to deal with little monsters for those five days. I can remember days I spent at the office being totally hung over, showing up late, being paranoid about my performance, forgetting stuff. Working from home relieves pressure but also gives you an excuse to start drinking at lunch time if you want to. Topamax works very well but it makes drinking no fun for me. This technique allows me to still enjoy wine two days of the week IF I'm good the rest of the week.

Play, don't worry too much about the good system. You're doing so well and I'm so proud of you. I just wanted you to know that its perhaps a good idea of thinking of coping techniques while you're so optimistic and happy because there will be tougher times too. You'll probably pick up coping techniques day by day, I find the reward system works well, as well as having someone to talk to and in that regard you have us and Sun. I've also found that I became good friends with my two abstinent friends when I wasn't drinking. They're not alcoholics, which is even better, they just don't like drinking, so that way you can spend whole days with them without them ever mentioning AL.

I think I'm mostly struggling as, like you, no drinking usually meant lots more energy and bubbliness and positivity but this time around I just keep feeling flat. It feels unfair, as if I'm putting in all the effort but not getting anything out. I'm reading "Adrenal Fatigue, The 21st Century Stress Syndrome" by James L Wilson and he says a lot of people who have Adrenal Burnout start drinking as a way of boosting their energy levels and in such a way develop alcoholism. Or on the other hands others who simply drink too much for years deplete their adrenal glands and develop this Fatigue. So I think because I now eat low GL food and I'm on metformin and chromium that further lowers your blood glucose my body is craving that energy high that I used to get from Al.

Thanks for your comment on my mom, its a very sensitive subject as my mom never deviates from what the doctor says but as I've also seen this psychiatrist in the past I KNOW that she over medicates even when you tell her you feel awful because of SE's. She just tells you to bear through them. My mom's old school in that she thinks the doctor knows everything and she'll get upset if we 'tell her what to do'. Good god, she hasnt managed to get my mom to feel well in four years! The worst thing is though, she is the only bipolar expert in the area and we have had other opinions, my mom's case is just a tricky one.

After my mom landed in hospital with the vitamin B12 deficiency the doctor had a big scare as she was afraid my mom had a stroke because of the Lithium she was also on at the time. She then told my brother she is going for a 'less is more' approach. So she did take my mom down to 300 and now to 200mg of Seroquel and hopefully then 100 and perhaps later 0. She also started my mom on 25mg of Topamax TWICE a day and when I advised my mom to only take 25mg the first week, well, I don't think she listened. But I think the dose will stay the same for a month, so thats OK. Fingers crossed...

I've got to get to work this side.

Love to all,

:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WELL DONE to Play and Sun on your firsts days of your new plan, its great that you have started and it is going well. Sun when I took AB I never had any reaction to anything but maybe you could just be carefull on the first day as Dizzy says. Also its a good idea of Dizzys to start thinking of ways to manage your time, I think a big part of my problem is that I havent and now Im in a rut of just wanting to stay in bed all day and in some ways justifying that by the fact that at least Im not drinking. Play, maybe you could go for pizza at the weekend that could be one of your treats.

Teezah thanks for all your support you are lovely and I too hope you stay with us

Meggie I also hope you stay and keep posting as well

Thanks for the book Dizzy I havent looked at it yet, I am actually crap with my diet, I typically eat nothing much during the day until the evening when I have my meal and then snack on biscuits and chocolate over the evening which is not good for me at all, another bad habit I have fallen into. I understand about your mum Dizzy, my mum also wont listen to me but takes everything her doctor tells her to do to be right. I am not surprised she has been in bed tho with that amount of serequel, I was only on 100mg and felt worn out with it so I am glad she is getting off it, some of the dosages of meds psychiatrists give out are pretty scarey.

My car info, I dont have a mechanic who I can trust and rely on, I just have to take pot luck with them, you are right tho Houxt a good mechanic is worth his weight in gold really, I did used to have one for a few years but then Im not sure what happened to him but he split up with his wife and she kicked him out of the house, he then lost his job and ended up homeless as well the last time I saw him he was sitting by a road drinking beer out of a can in a pretty rough area a few miles away. Thats how these things can happen I suppose, how you can go from having a family, home and job to being on the streets. Anyway back to my car, I have looked up the symptoms online and it seems to be the brakes that I think are jammed on, but to get all the work done that now needs doing as well, plus the cost of a recovery truck will be several hundred pounds. The fact that my car is so old it isnt really worth doing, it is at the stage now where it would just cost more and more money to keep on the road. I have more than had my moneys worth out of it so we went to look at another car yesterday and hope to be going for it later on today. As I say I am not at all comfortable with owing my son this money but without my having a car he can never leave the house either due to his agoraphobia.

I am used to not drinking now, in fact it seems like a distant memory of needing a drink everyday. Most of the time I dont think about drink at all and when I do it just doesnt appeal to me, a cup of tea sounds much nicer Unlike in the past it is the absence of craving that is doing this, before when I wasnt drinking I would always be waiting for and trying to put off that drink and knew I would somehow end up on another bender, even the thought of it ending up as a horrible vodka fueled bender didnt stop me doing it. I dont like to be optimistic about the future where me and drink are concirned as I have tried and failed so many times before it scares me to think too much about it but so far so good.

xx

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space

So glad the Epilim's working for your drinking. I can relate to you in many ways. But see I don't want to lie in bed and qualify that with saying at least I'm not drinking - this is not an attack on you - this is what I've been doing for the last week. I don't want to be a 'dry drunk' I want to be a fully functional person.

Other than you guys I've not gotten married or had kids and this is still things I aspire to but with so much drinking and bad mood swings, how can I qualify wanting that if I can hardly take care of myself? I had a so much promise and drive and a cool starter career until things got messed up and now I'm only dancing on the sidelines.

Anyway, I'm just tired of just living of just living for today. Or sometimes what feels like just waiting to die. Not in the macabre sense but just filling time.

A low GL diet should make a big difference to your fybromalgia but I know, its like taking the last bit of joy away, isnt it? :H Luckily I like salty stuff so I can still enjoy lots of things. And with the money I save on booze I now buy almonds, avos, prawns, steak, berries, mangoes, tomato cocktail, lots of things I 'treat' myself with thats expensive but so much better (and more delicious) for you than beer.

If I can make one suggestion, its that you try to have a nice breakfast. Some oatmeal (I have mine with Xylitol instead of sugar), or eggs on wholewheat toast. I think it will make a big difference to your day. Perhaps 'force' yourself for a week as an experiment and see how it makes you feel?

Anyway, I'm hiding from work, gotta run.

:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone.

Well - day two was fine. last night I slept well - only woke a couple of times and one time was for the loo. NO sweating which was wonderful. however, I woke to the alarm - most unusual for me (I usually wake up before it goes off) and I am dragging - again, unusual for me. I usually wake up raring to go. I vaguely remember this happening when I was AF before. Why, when I drink am I all bright eyed in the mornings and when I don't, am I draggy in the mornings?

Last night wasn't too bad - I was irritable, but came home prepared to make some soup for youngest and myself - got home and hubs, who had been home all day decided to cook a meal for himself, for today! I told him I was going to cook dinner for yesterday so eventually he did a little of his meal, then moved out of the kitchen - but he irritated me and although I tried hard to get over it, I felt irritable. Then we got into it over something else. I wasn't craving a drink, but usually I would have had a drink to calm me down - that crutch wasn't there. I chatted with Play for a while and went to bed early and read.

I am finding it okay regarding the not drinking really - it is okay, as I knew it would be once I got over that first day - it is always just the stopping that I find hard. Like Play - I am not sure what I will do this weekend. I do NOT want to go back to what I was drinking just 'cos it is the weekend, so will play it by ear and see...... but it will be nice to have the option anyway.

Play has lots of energy now which is ironic - I always had energy - now I come home and do nothing. Before I came home and drank. I need to do something. I think it is just going to be trying to get into some sort of routine with it. With the new job as well, life has completely turned around for me.

Space - I understand the feeling of not wanting to do anything so you don't, which makes the whole feeling worse - you just have to plan to do one thing - like tidy out a drawer - then maybe that will lead to another drawer - and so on - set a small goal. I plan on sorting out one file from my paperwork this afternoon when I get home. Hopefully it will turn into more than one. AND I am going to meditate.

I am happy about the drinking for you - but don't worry about what the future might bring. Just concentrate on now. You are doing really well and I am proud of you.

Dizzy - good grief - I think over medicating is the understatement of the year regarding your doc and your mum. Hopefully her thinking about the 'less is more' will happen !! And why on earth START her on 50mg of Topa? Why is she starting her on Topa anyway? Did I miss that bit? My mum always does what the doc tells her to as well - but then I chatted with mum and had a long talk and now she will actually challenge the doc - GO ME !!!

Houtx - I do think you could do this too - except you would need to taper down a bit the weekend before you started. Play and I had no physical withdrawal symptoms at all - well, I had sweating that first night - but then I would sweat if I drank too much as well. But apart from that we neither of us had anything physical, so it is all psychological. And once you know you CANNOT drink, it is sort of in your head, so for me, it hasn't even developed into a full blown craving yet. It is also nice to know that it isn't for ever - that the weekend is only a few days away - IF I want to drink then.

I know I haven't replied to half of what you have all said but I need to start getting ready for work. I love my new job now that I have got used to it - last week I was worrying and thinking that I might have done the wrong thing but now I am getting into it and things are settling down, it is fine. Anyway - need to go and get ready. Hopefully when I come home tonight I won't be irritable !! I hate being irritable. Not a nice Sun !!!!!

love and hugs to all,

Sun XXX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

All I can think of Sun is that Guinness has a higher GI than white bread, so that will give you energy. Perhaps have a snack ready for you when you get home, or some juice? I love buying exotic juices sometimes with my 'booze budget' such as pomegranate that I mix with beetroot. Well they both have loads of goodies in them and the one is super sour and the other very sweet, so mixing it together is nice.

Have a nice treat waiting for you at home that will give you some sugar and it should help with the irritability.