New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi LJ - no, I do not think it is will power either. I like the allan carr book and he says it is mindset and I really do agree with him. It isn't will power at all. My dad drank too - so I know where you are coming from with your mum. I too like to think I can moderate - but am not sure if I can - watch this space ........ anyway - I need to shower and hairwash - I have to be up at 5.00 tomorrow -

love and hugs, sun XX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well ladies, thought I'd check in somewhere, and since my thread's way down on page two again already, there's no real reason to dig it up at the moment. So might as well check in here. :H

Whatever. Day 8 AF is in the books. Hope everyone's having a good night. :l:l:l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow, Stuck, you are on Day 8, I have always admired you , cause you always seem to find the will to find your way to control again, Big Congrats!!!

Play

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

It's never control, Play. I can only ever say no to the first one.

But thank you. :l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im glad your still around LJ, something tho that I am wondering is that you say you drink when you go out and I reckon that whatever med you take it is going to be hard not to drink when you go out, can you say if these are planned social events with friends or family that you would really miss or do you just go off to the pub yourself and could maybe put if off for a while. My drinking was at home but I would have thought it would be harder to stick to non alcohol drinks in a bar. When I took topa tho I found it easier to keep to 1 or 2 drinks so it could help you do that if thats what you are looking for. As Sun mentioned there is also antabuse but you cant drink after you have taken it so you need to be determined not to drink at all after you have taken the pill until it has left your system.

Well done Stuck Im glad to see your giving this another go

Hi Play, Teezah Dizzy Sun

xx

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

LJ, this may be dumb but I just have to make sure if you're male or female. Sorry, but it helps to know! Also, on the nights you go out do you have friends that you go out with or do you go out alone? Do you have a plan in place to make sure you get home safe? Do you share your house with someone that can help look out for you?

Look, when I was in rehab they said that you're an problem drinker if you're powerless over alcohol. Now even though you can skip a few days once you take that first drink it sounds to me that you are rendered powerless. I'm not trying to diagnose you, that's for you to decide but 'normal people' can choose when they drink and they can also choose how much they drink when they drink (to a certain extent but they don't get slammed every time they do drink)

So we know now that you cannot control your alcohol consumption once you have that first one. The question now is do you want to quit, which I think for you would be the far easier option, or would you like to try and moderate. A lot of people on this site says moderation is impossible and very few of us here can say that we have achieved this in the long term with topa or any other drug. I'm abstinent 5 days a week with the help of Antabuse but that won't work for you now would it?

So do you have a certain drinking night, is it for instance always on the weekend? In that case you can just take an antabuse every Wednesday and you will not be able to drink on the weekend BUT you'll have to be committed ESPECIALLY because you're a binge drinker. Downing anything on Antabuse can be lethal.

Topa is good for moderation but it has side effects, it doesn't work for everyone and I'm not sure if it's worth it if you only drink once a week. You could try it but there is no knowing how it will effect you until you start - some people get sleepy and forgetful but it makes me bouncy, a bit anxious and not forgetful at all. (I'm in the minority)

You also have to ask yourself what brought on this change in your drinking habits. You mention depression and that you have lost friends. Although we are on the meds thread we also talk about our feelings here, many of us are on antidepressants, and we try other alternatives too to help clear the underlying feelings that worsen our drinking. But those of us who are true alcoholics, we can be as happy as a slug on a ton of lettuce and we'll still crave drink. That's the unfortunate truth.

Play, seemed like your week was really busy! I hoped you had time to enjoy it in between all the chores and whatnot. What?s the plan today ? are you taking the AB?

You will lose weight again when you don?t drink, when I first quit I could lose weight while eating badly, now it?s a pain to lose. But I?m being good and being patient so hopefully I?ll be rewarded in the end.

Ah, the pics I took was mostly of clouds. Both bf and I like cloud gazing. I wanted to hang a picture of blue skies and white fluffy clouds in front of the bed so we can cloud gaze while in bed

My mother?s not showing any response to the Topa even though she is already on 50mg. Luckily she is also not showing any SE?s either so at least that?s good. I?m anxious about leaving her but I find myself resenting her a lot lately so I think it?s better that I go away. I know its not her fault but every time I visit I get so annoyed with her neuroses and demands and criticisms even though I know she is nothing like that when she is her ?old self.?

And you, Sun, did you decide on the AB? How did last week go without it? Has the storms cleared up yet? Are the bulbs still alive? LOL, so many questions. I can't remember what else you said now. Oh, the carbs, just 3 more days and I'm eating lots of veggies until then.

Teezah, I also didn?t know about nastiness and to be honest I?m not going to ask, whenever I read a nasty thread it really upsets me but mostly the other people just leave us be so I don?t think you have anything to worry about There was a time that I wanted this thread to be big and bold and shout it from the rooftops but now I like the fact that people have to come find us and we are what we are. Don?t get me wrong, I like new members but can you imagine writing personal replies to a hundred members ?!? LOL.

Well done on the 8 days, Stuck.

Hi Space, I'm still deciding whether to fix my car this side so I know a little bit of how you're feeling. Any news on your son's benefits? Any chance of eating breakfast this week?

:l

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dizzy, I am female.

The nights I do go out usually starts with a friend and then they go home and I keep drinking. Although that has been my pattern for years, it seems my reaction to alcohol has become worse this past year. It seems to have a much more negative impact on my mood and it seems to affect me more physically than it had in the past. And now, I don't WANT to go out drinking because I know how it will end up.

For some background, I go out a lot less now because I am working at home freelancing. I was let go from a job (almost a year ago) due to the mental distress the job was causing--a month prior to that I also left the boyfriend I was living with. This year has been a real struggle because I think the job loss triggered a huge depression, and frankly so did the break up. The way I was let go was very demeaning and I have a pretty isolated existence at the moment. I write for a living and until very recently it was a struggle getting through the year. I have now made great progress there and have plans of leaving the city to go back to one where I have a closer network of friends and family.

I know I am only focusing on myself at the moment, and promise to get properly engaged with other folks on the thread once I shake the fogginess and fright going on in my head.

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi spacebabe:

Typically they are spur of the moment (a friend will suggest meeting after work for a couple) ... they have a couple and go home, and I keep drinking. It is much harder for me to stick with non-AL drinks when I go out. Easy thing for me not to drink at home. Antabuse sounds dreadful, to be honest, but I am wondering if NAL could be a possibility? It seems promising and it seems to have success with binge drinkers. However, I think just quitting is probably the answer since it is likely the easier option in my case.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi LJ

I kind of knew you were a girl but I had to make certain just in case I offended you.

Anyway, we're quite similar in that we're both freelance writers working from home and I isolate a lot. Working from home and not having a partner or too many close friends means you have no one to be accountable to. I am involved with someone now but I used to be single and working from home for a long time, often preferring to spend Saturday nights drinking on my own rather than with friends in case they judge me but going out every second or so to make an appearance.

My experience with addiction is that we probably have a genetic predisposition but it takes a whole lota drinking before alcohol kicks us on our ass. That's whats so cruel about it - its like your best friend turning into your worst enemy but you still go back to that friend time after time hoping to get 'a good day.' So there is a switch where you are no longer in control but it controls you, whether you drink every day or not.

I know what you're talking about, because I have social anxiety I sometimes binge at big parties. I don't really do it at small parties or at other times but at big social events I become so nervous that I have found before that I have became a different person, passed or blacked out and then I felt really really awful for the next week. Once was at a Christmas party with my family and the shame is still with me today as I don't know what I told my family or how I even got home. All I know is that I don't like being out of control like that, I try to avoid situations like that, and the few times it has happened I still feel shit about.

If quitting is what you're after Antabuse is the easiest way. It's actually not awful at all as it has no side effects unless you drink. Stuff like Nal, Bac, or Topa can work to help you taper but they all have daily side effects and it may take months or longer to find the right one for you. I tried Nal and Bac before I tried Topa, which worked for me but in the end I now still use it with Antabuse. But everyone's different and I can't tell you that Nal and Bac can't work for you or that Topa on its own won't work for you but I do think a 30 day alcohol free period will probably do your body and your self esteem a world of good at this point.

:l

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi DB ... I am just relieved to even be talking about it. I know my friends worry about my drinking but they don't say anything about it. I think also, it has all been catching up with me. Embarrassing moments and reminders of less than appealing behaviour on my part. Often things I don't remember doing or saying. I actually think that quitting is the best option and that I likely won't need any drugs in order to do that. I did quit drinking very successfully for 9 years. Once I made the decision not to drink, it was pretty easy not to. I started again thinking it would be nice to drink socially, but obviously I can't do that with any great success over the long term.

Nice to meet another freelancer. I love working from home and enjoy my work, but the isolation is definitely something of a challenge.

Edited to add: Yes, I think a 30 day AF would be a good idea for me right now. I also have decided to start the All One (I was on it years ago) along with the supplements in case I do happen to have a craving. Speaking of All One ... any Canadians on this thread who have found a place to purchase it in Canada? I can purchase it here, I know, but I have to pay a $37.00 shipping which is almost the same price as the product itself!

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello again everyone:

I know I hijacked your thread with my crisis, but I am thankful that you put up with me. I felt safe posting here as I have been reading through your thread for many weeks and have been inspired by all of your personal stories, struggles and achievements in the face of AL. I admire each one of you ... your tenacity, fearlessness and genuine care for each other. Cheers and hugs, LJ

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HOME from work - YEAH !!! I stayed late today to get stuff finished and am really rather weary - the funny thing is I still have energy but am weary - how odd is that?

Anyway LJ - you have not hjacked out thread - it is lovely that you are here and asking for help - Dizzy is so good at suggestions and I really love when she gives advice - I can never seem to improve on it and it always makes sense. I do agree with her on the antabuse for you. i have only taken it the once - the week before last - it is fine really it is - I was scared to take it but it takes AL out of the equation totally. Your friends are worried about your drinking so I think they would understand if you told themn that you were giving it a rest for a while.

Another thing you might try is the Kudzu and the L-Glut - when I take both religiously, it makes me not want to drink - BUT of course you can always drink over it. if you knew you were going out that evening, you would take the Kudzu andf the l-Glut throughout the day ending with a dose about 30 mins before you go out. i did that one day at work and when i got home MADE myself drink a Guinness or else I knew I wouldn't sleep - but I really didn't want it. I too love the All-one and feel much better when I am on it all the time. Have you tried checking out Vita-Cost and seeing how much the shipping charges are from there? Just a thought anyway.

Thanks for telling us about you - of course you know pretty much everything there is to know about us but feel free to ask if you have any questions. When would your next binge be do you think? Which sounds really silly - but if it is every week or so, it would be in a few days.......

And don't worry about focuing on yourself and not engaging with others here - we are here to help - we will get you sorted and then you can join in properly - LOL :H we always love a new person - we go up and down with the amount of folk who post so anyone else is always nice. Ally's dad is here right now or she would be posting - she usually posts as you know.

Dizzy - no, I didn't take the AB today. I am going to try to get back to my two a day with L-Glut and Kudzu. It felt to me as if the whole week was wasted 'cos I was waiting for saturday - which sounds so silly. Plus I never feel good qwhen i haven't had a drink - which sounds even sillier. but you have all heard me talk about how I feel when I am AF - I mean, even for the 8 months I didn't feel good until I had a drink - then the life came back into me. I don't think I am looking for excuses and don't think I was dwelling on the AF when I was - it was just weird.

The bulbs I still don't know as they are still under snow but they should be okay - the snow protects them from the ice. yes, our storms have long gone and we are expecting rain which will get rid of the snow.

I also agree with you on our thread - I love that our thread is so safe! I feel that we are tucked away in the back - like I am at work now - LOL. I don't like when the other threads get nasty - it only takes one person to start stuff off. I just keep away. i am so happy that I decided to come back when I did. I couldn't keep away - LOL.

Hi there Stuck - good to see you and well done on day 8 - or nearly 9 !!! you are doing really well - how are the SE's going with the Bac?

Hey Space - good to see you too - how are things going?

Play - I will chat with you tomorrow - right?

I am not sure if I should put this out here but I chatted with WTE and she had a accident - had to have 44 stitches !!! She got up in the night and passed out from low blood pressure and immediately came to - but had put her teeth through her lower lip (just below) and so had to go to the ER and be sorted out. I have asked her to come and post and she said she reads but doesn't log in - so hopefully if she sees this she will come and say hi to us all. I miss her posting here.

Off to get some dinner..... love and hugs, Sun XX

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, you are a life safer! I just ordered more All One from Vita-Cost and it was significantly cheaper for shipping. Thank you for the tip. I got twice the size and shipping for less than it would have been for me to order it here or somewhere else. LOVELY!

Also, yes, I do have all the supplements and planning to get on with All One and supplements beginning tomorrow morning and committing myself to 30 days AF.

My next binge would likely be the end of this week (Friday if a friend wanted to go for a happy hour drink) or a Sunday/Saturday if I went venturing out on my own (which I am very known to do). However, I am not going to do it this week. Since I usually drink beer, if I need to have something in front of me that makes me "think" I am drinking, than I am happy opting for a non-alcoholic one. However, I think, it would be best not entering any place that services alcohol for at least 30 days--and most especially not by myself.

Dizzy ... did you check out Vita-Cost? It does have international shipping and I recall from much earlier posts that you were looking for a more cost effective say to order it for shipping. Cheers to you all, LJ

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

LJ - glad that it worked for you - I discovered them a while ago and it was cheaper even with the coupon from All-One - wonderful !!

hugs, sun X

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

checking in and listening to all the support and love. I do enjoy this thread.