New here and starting Topa and with a question

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I am ... but I can only access mywayout.org webs via phone data. no matter what I try my internet refuses to connect to this site even though I can access all other sites. I have tried every fix and nothing works. sigh. it ha been almost a week.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

LJ have you tried changing Oh I dont know what its called. I use Google but could not access a site I always use at all, it just went off a few weeks ago and I tried everything. Then my daughter suggested using internet explorer instead and it worked.

xx

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

spacebebe01;1476170 wrote: LJ have you tried changing Oh I dont know what its called. I use Google but could not access a site I always use at all, it just went off a few weeks ago and I tried everything. Then my daughter suggested using internet explorer instead and it worked.

xx

hi space .... I have tried every browser .... it has to be my wifi I guess

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all....

LJ I was going to suggest that you change your browser too - but if that doesn't work, then I am stumped. I would take your computer to a shop and ask them why you can't get this web site...... it is odd. A real pain in the rear for you (and us - we miss you !!)..

WTE - so good to see you - I hooted at Houtx saying make sure she was up by noon !!! I cannot remember the last time I slept in until noon - it must be NEVER ago !!! I am so pleased that you are having a good time though. The clock that shines on my ceiling did change but I wasn't sure if it would or not - it always defaults to the wrong time zone so I had no idea if it was the right or wrong time. Whatever - I still had to get up at 4.00 !! (in my head).

LOVING the new position - but Mondays are killers. I always end up working at least an hour over on a Monday to get finished, which is fine, but Monday is my heaviest day. but I WILL finish!! LOL

PLEASE show Houtx how to cut and paste - it isn't hard and she needs to learn so that way she will never lose another post!! I have every faith in you teaching her.

Dizzy - please let us know as soon as you hear about your visa - the wait must be killing you! Yes, I should imagine that you are ready to go back now. I am so sorry that everyone is on at you about your drinking. THAT does NOT help one iota. in fact it probably makes things worse. Just hang in there my friend - not long now eh? Hopefully anyway!

Well, not much more to say - I am going to be having an early night - these 4.00 mornings do not do me good. I like early mornimgs but not that early !!

I am doing fine - still sort of keeping the drinking under control - not quite down to 2 a night but good enough for me right now.

Love and hugs, Sun XXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Went to the massage place and it was glorious.

No, who am I kidding. I got the absolute cheapest thing on the menu: 20 minute back massage on one of those chair things you see at the airport or the mall, or the airport mall when you're rushing right past them on your way to the airport bar. Fifteen bucks plus I ludicrously over-tipped, and it was still wonderful. Amazing to think I used to spend so much more on strippers, and got so much less out of it. Maybe I'll go again for a full hour some time--did that about a year ago, even though it's stupid expensive--but it would be nice to see what it's like now that my legs aren't in incredibly sensitive pain like last time...

Anyway, just popping in again to say hello quickly. I know it's sort of a drive-by, and I'm not responding to anyone, but please know that I'm reading and thinking about you all.

But not as much as I'm thinking about that liquor store next to the massage place. Sheesh. You'd think this would get easier at some point. I'm going to have to find something to abuse, and quickly. Anybody remember what snorting those paper sticks of flavored sugar was like? That was kind of a buzz, right? Or whippets? I could definitely go buy some whipped cream cans and huff the life out of those.

Oh well. What're we on now? This would be 23 days. And I swear to the almighty that the timing could not possibly be worse. If things go as they're going, St. Patrick's Day will be day 28. WTF, man? I'm imagining this alternate universe where I'd simply checked myself into a rehab, and you know, they let you out on the 28th day, right, just like Sandra Bullock in that damned movie, and so on St. Patrick's Day we'd all be standing around the front gate of the rustic but still conveniently modern rehab place out in the woods, and we'd be a little weepy and waving goodbye to each other as the cab pulls up, and I'd get in with my little duffel bag of clothes, and I'd tell that fucking cab driver to take me directly to the first goddamned pub he can possibly find that is anywhere, absolutely anywhere, nearby and drop me off there. And then I would celebrate.

Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about lately. Hope you all are well, or at least OK. I know shit's been rough for a few of you, and I'm thinking about you. Dizz, Space, and Meggie. And now that WTE's talking about women staying up all night together and then lounging around in bed all morning, well there's that to think about too.

Big hugs and much love to you all. :l:l

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

I guess right now my heart just hurts so much as I feel so alone even though there are so many people who are trying to 'help' me. God, they don't know that they are four years too late for it and that I've done everything I can already. Yes, I probably have to stop but the 5/7 plan will work when I'm not around my mom who's such a big trigger for me and now she's the one who keeps pushing me.

I know I'm a fucking alcoholic and I don't feel like discussing it with her as where was she four years ago when I needed her. Yes, thats right, she was too busy trying to kill herself to notice. So its too late now. I hate seeing her always in her crappy mood, never have bathed, always neurotic and wondering if that is how I will end up one day and still I let my brother drag me there week after week after week. God, it would drive the pope to drink.

I feel like I'm trapped here because if I had money or a choice I would just have went away. For them its just about the alcohol but they don't realise that after two months sober everything still hurt so much. My mom's bipolar too and no one assumes that she'll feel super just because she doesn't drink. Sometimes it just gives me some relief.

I can do the 5/7 thing, I just don't want to do it here. I'll be sober here but instead of embracing it I'm hating it because I know I'm doing it for them and not for me. And that just pisses me off so much.

Oh, I don't tell them all of this, I mostly just brood in my corner and the do in theirs. That's what we do, we brood.

I feel so alone so I turn here because I know you my friends understand. I don't want to be bipolar and I don't want to be an alcoholic and sometimes I look at my friends with little babies and I envy them and I don't think I'll ever be able to do that, I hardly keep up with taking care of myself so many days.

WTE, I was so touched by your candle gesture and Stuck, that you even mentioned my name

And Space, I know you know that sometimes when you're sober you feel great and other times you don't and that it just sucks because surely if there was a God there should be some payoff and we should get a reward for being good.

And Sun, I hate daylight savings shenanigans, well usually I just hate it when it changes, not when it changes back, because it suddenly gets dark so quickly! The visa may take 10-28 days

Hey LJ, I have no idea what it can be, do you search for it or do you type the address into the search bar. Try typing www. mywayout. org (without the two spaces) into the search bar and if it works make it one of your bookmarks?

Hugs to all.

:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DIZZY........ :l:l:l I feel your pain - and it hurts me to know you are hurting so much !!! I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better - I am nowhere near as good with words as you are and have no idea what to say but I so wish i could make everything better for you. You sound SO unhappy. I am so sad for you...... :h:h PM me or e-mail me - I am here for you - or you can Skype me - do you have my Skype name? SIGH !!!!!!

Oh Stuck..... oh gosh - what are we going to do with everyone here right now? I have never snorted anything, have no idea what whippets are and DO NOT go and get cans of whipped cream and do whatever you are planning to do with those either !!!!! WHY is day 28 a special day? I mean - I know that it is St Patricks day - but what makes day 28 special? Oh gosh - that reminds me - our anniversary is on the day that St Patricks day isn't! I need to buy a card!!! 31 years !!!!

I laughed at your alternate universe - sort of an ironic laugh if you will..... oh gosh Stuck, what are we going to do with you? I am glad that you changed your post to WTE talking about women staying up all night and not me. LOL - I am definitely an early bird and get up at the crack of sparrowfart and until I worked shifts didn't even know there were two 11 o'clocks in the day !!! That is weird - there is no edit. ANYWAY my friend - you keep dreaming about us bunch of lovely ladies - anything to take your mind off puffing on cream jars !!!!! Or whatever it was - LOL !!

Well, I need to think about bed - Stuck - stop that !!!

love and hugs to all, love, Sun XXX

P.s. I have not stuck to my two a night so on Monday am taking my AB with Play

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I always thought whippets are like small greyhounds but what would stuck want to do with one of them!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

spacebebe01;1476997 wrote: I always thought whippets are like small greyhounds but what would stuck want to do with one of them!!!

ROTFLMBO Space ...... that didn't even occur to me !!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well, it seems it is just me here right now...... so I will enlarge on my p.s. from my last proper post. I talked to Play and have told her that I am going to go with her on Monday with the AB. I tried to keep to my two a day this week and did not succeed. In fact, I am looking forward to Monday when I KNOW that I will not be able to drink, but this time I am going to do it with a different mindset. I need to change my thinking. I am feeling quite disappointed with myself that I didn't stick to my plan - I used to have no trouble at all with it. Things have progressed.

Then I thought "why not take it today?". But it is our 31st wedding anniversary on saturday and hubs will wonder why I am not drinking - I have not told him about the AB, although I am sure he would be fine with it. He is fine with me not drinking Mon-fri and said he will do it too. Which matters not one way or the other - the stuff he drinks I don't. I ONLY drink Guinness pretty much. SO Monday is the day again...... SIGH !!

WHY is this so hard??? I hate this. I never really thought I had a problem before but now am thinking maybe I do.........

love and hugs to you all, wherever you all are,

love, Sun XXXX

[Grateful]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Jean Bean I wish I knew why this is hard. I love you lorry loads.l

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

This is a test on how to cut & paste…from the idiot Houstonian who hasn’t been able to do so.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all – posting from WTE’s house. She’s teaching me how to do the idiot stuff I should already know!! Having a blast! More wine, anyone?!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hugs To You Dizz!

Oh my dear Dizz,
You are the same age as my daughters and I wish I could be your mother and put my arms around you and tell you what a wonderful daughter and woman you are, tell you how proud I am of you for being so brave and strong, tell you how much happiness that I wish for you and how much happiness you deserve, tell you that everything is going to be ok:h

Dizz, please don't worry about if you can't do the 5/7 thing right now or not, you just do what you have to in order to get thru until you are out of this situation and back with BF. I'm going to come visit for a couple of days, we won't get closer than where we will both be in the next few months.

And please put my name on a wedding invitation ( if you get married to this BF guy) because I will sure want to be there, XOXO

Hi Jay and welcome to our comfy thread, I'm happy you are doing so well and the Topa gives you such a chance doesn't it, I remember what a wonderful feeling when it took away so much of the cravings. If it weren't for my work and the slight Topa dopa thing, I would still be taking it, I loved it.

Houtx and WTE, wow, you have finally met at last, I'm happy for your great time. Us, we need to have a spur of the moment meet up where we both converge on Stucks house where we find him surrounded by all of his various objects of abuse, what an image

Space, I want to put my arms around you too, I'm thinking of you every single day:h

Ally, where are you? Have you and Sun started the reading again yet? Let me know.

Stuck, Stuck, Stuck, so amazing that even with the anguish that not drinking is for you, you are still not doing it (drinking), you sure have more will than me, I've never been able to just push my way thru like you are doing.

And you have had me so wanting to have us all go to that little rehab place that is tucked away in the woods where we go on long walks by the lake and meditate outside listening to the birds and at night we listen to the owls and such, it sounds like paradise and do we have to leave it? I think it even has a stable with a horse for each of us.

Well you have to go celebrate occasionally but then you come back to us:H

Dear Sun, please don't be disappointed in yourself, you are doing the best that you can and its fine. I am glad to have my AB partner back though as it is easier when we do it together.

And it is the weirdest thing, as much as I want my wine everyday when I get home, I'm also sick of it by the end of the weekend because the wine escalates in just two days, I wonder how long it will take for my brain to develop the new habit and I really do think so much of it is just a Huge Habit, years and years of doing it over and over, now it is patience and persistence I guess.

I swear on the bus on Monday morning I have it in my pocket. Part of me doesn't want to take it and another part can't wait for the relief of having the issue of drinking or not taken off the table. It actually seems to give me permission to not fret over the evening.

Hi LJ, hope you get sorted, miss you.

All others who haven't visited here in awhile, please check in.

Love and Kisses

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

houtx;1477414 wrote: This is a test on how to cut & paste…from the idiot Houstonian who hasn’t been able to do so.

That's what "houtx" stands for!? Houston? I have been wondering about that forever... Christ, I'm slow sometimes.

More soon, everyone.

[EDIT: to continue the foregoing.

Thanks, Play. It's not really willpower. I want to drink. I want a drink right now, actually. I wanted a drink when I woke up this morning. What pisses me off is that before drinking got real bad I didn't think about it at all. I just did it. You know how one of the warning signs of a problem is planning out how you're going to get booze, and when? Well isn't is just as bad if all you think about is how you're not going to drink? I spend way more time obsessing over booze now than I did when I was drinking. It fucking sucks. And more than that, it's annoying.

Anyway, nothing new to report. There's nothing magical about day 28, Sun. I just figured that 28 days is a pretty common rehab stay, right? And the first thing you should do when you get out of rehab is get a goddamned drink, seeing as how you haven't had one for almost a month... But that's it. And for the record, whippets are just when you suck the propellant out of aerosol cans. It isn't even like a high, it's just sort of a lightheaded feeling for about 30 seconds and then you have a headache. But desperate times call for desperate measures, right? It has to be better than drinking the Listerine in the bathroom... Do they even put AL in mouthwash anymore? Clearly there's only one way to find out... don't worry, I'll investigate and report back to you... ]