New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Grateful ! So lovely to see you here - how wonderful! how are you doing? I know that you are having your own struggles right now so you hang in there - and love you lorry loads too :l

Stuck - thanks for explaining the whippet - I had never heard of it and still don't really understand the difference between that and huffing - whatever that is too - but no worries on explaining it - LOL. It is sad that you are having such a hard time - I do understand. About the time you spend thinking about NOT drinking. Oh - and it isn't always 28 days for rehab - a friend of mine is going in for 6 weeks on sunday - so instead of using 28 days and it being St pats day, you could always use the 6 week mark.....

Hi there Play - Yes, I will be back on Monday with you and I understand the feeling that by the end of the weekend, you are sick of the drink - that is how I am feeling right now and will be glad when Monday is here and I don't have to worry about it. as I said, this time I go in with a changed attitude. No 'waiting for Saturday' this time.

Unfortunately I haven't e-mailed ally yet - no excuses except life. I need to get on that.

Houtx - I am so pleased that WTE has shown you how to cut and paste - it is so easy once you know how. I hope you wrote it down!! No more lost posts for you my girl!!

Well, off to get ready for work. have a great day everyone,

hugs, sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Stuck when I went to rehab it was 3 months and also the hospital alcohol until I went to I stayed in for 3 weeks but then there was aftercare and we where advised to not drink for 3 months to let our minds and bodies heal, they reckon thats about how long it takes to really start feeling better, so maybe thats something you could look into. Apparently when we drink we kind of hardwire our brains to doing it and if we can not drink for some time that hardwiring can start to change and we will start responding in other ways. I am not good at the scientific stuff so cant explain this in any other way thats just what I was told at the unit and it did make sense to me.

I got a visit today from the deputy manager of the mental health unit I go to, Im not sure what help she actually was but I did kind of list some of what has been going on for me and she is coming out again next week. My benefit money has been stopped and so has my housing benefit so I am under a lot of stress right now and very worried about the fact that I cant pay my rent. My sons money also got stopped so at the moment we are living on child benefit. I am about to go shopping soon to try and get the reduced at the end of the day stuff, the trouble is so many people seem to be skint right now it is like a mini riot in the shops sometimes when they bring the marked down food out, I am not looking for sympathy by the way and do feel like deleating this but it is my situation and I kind of feel the need to tell someone.

On a good note it was my youngest sons parents evening last night and as always his reports are good, it was also options time for him to choose what subjects he wants to do for the next two years, he has picked sport, music and health and social care, I do wish we could go back and talk again about it because Im not sure health and social care is the right choice for him it was more like one of the teachers suggested it to him and he went along with it.

I am still not drinking and dont see the point in it !!! but am thinking of asking my psychiatrist when I see him next month about changing my mood stabaliser to one which may help my depression more as I cant stand the depression for much longer, I just cant seem to see the point of getting out of bed and doing anything, I get no pleasure out of anything really but I will have to talk to him about the fact that it is since I started on epilim that my attitude to drinking changed compleately so I do worry about not taking it.

Sorry I havent responded to you all and just really talked about myself but my concentration is not good so its hard to remember what you all said but I am reading and thinking about you all.

xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh dear Space - I wish I could help. You must be feeling SO bad about everything. Can the lady that visited you today help with the rent issue or anything? WHY have they stopped your housing benefit? Do they think you can work? Can you get a job? Don't they understand your situation? I so feel for you and wish that I could do something - in the meantime - here are some hugs for you......:l:l:l

I am pleased that your sons parents evening went well. How old is your youngest? If you really think he has picked the wrong thing, then can't you call and make an appt with his teacher and talk to her about it?

Don't EVER worry about just talking about yourself - I did that in a post a little while ago - it is cathartic. I am pleased that you ARE talking about yourself - I worry when you are not here. I am so glad that for whatever reason that you are still not drinking and for that reason am a tad worried about messing with your meds...... not drinking is SO good my friend!!!! Have you been taking the Rhodiola EVERY day regularly? it isn't a magic pill but it can help a little but you have to take it.

I will be sending lots of healing vibes to you and hope that things start working out for you. You really are going through the wringer aren't you?

Much love and many hugs to you my dear,

love, sun XXX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

I'm still the same. Well, going to take some movies and popcorn over to my parents tonight to try and make peace, that way I won't drink and we don't have to talk too much I *really* don't want to but I don't see any other way out of it except if I want a full on fight and they havent done anything wrong really but care about me.

My mom's psychiatrist has suggested that when she comes back from her two week holiday she wants my mom to try intravenous ketamine injections three times a week for two weeks. Apparently this has been successful in some bipolar patients. Hey, at least she'll have a short term buzz... She says other than that she suggests shock treatment, but my mom says she'll rather be locked up than do that. I wish she won't be so reluctant about it as its not like the old days anymore and a lot of people find relief in it. *sigh*

No word from visa yet.

Oh Space, can't you go see someone at the council to explain everything. Surely the lady wouldn't make a home visit if she thought that you were capable of going out and about and working everyday? Sorry if I'm wrong but that's just my thinking. There must be someone who can help in situations like this. I think you should get your psychiatrist involved to write them a letter. Can your daughter and her husband help? :l

Stuck, damn, I'm also going to really take a hit on Sunday. Because I was supposed to do 5/7 and my boyfriend is Irish and I was supposed to be with him. That was the whole reason my flight was booked for Tuesday. Did laugh at your idea that everyone who comes out of rehab must have a drink to celebrate. Have you ever been to one? Good god, they put the fear of god into you, when I came out we went to a shopping centre and I was so scared of even going into a shop with booze.

Houtx, well I never, was that so difficult now? :H

Sun, thanks for the support and sorry you have to take the AB again, keep check on your sugar levels. I would have a glass of juice when I come home if I was you and see if that helps. And yes, alcohol issues is progressive, the longer we abuse it, the more control it gains over us I'm afraid and the weaker that 'off' button becomes. Congrats in advance for tomorrow's wedding anniversary, that sure is a long time.

You're so sweet, Play, I really hope we have a second bedroom by the time you come, but we do have a pull-out couch. We may even move to Reading - closer to BF's new job and would be easier for me to make friends. But its still not far from Heathrow. I still think its so cool you saw Leonard Cohen, he is one of my favourite artists of all time even though my friends tease me and call him Laughing Lenny or Leonard Slit your wrists Cohen. Suzanne is my favourite song of his

I've got to go work, I'm finding that working takes my mind off things and I can definitely do with some cash!

:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi - me here. Thanks for the congrats Dizzy - yes, I cannot believe that we have been married that long - I must go out first thing and buy Himself a card - LOL !! we are probably going to go out for breakfast. THAT shows how long we have been married - no romantic dinner - breakfast instead !!!!

Thanks for suggesting the juice when I get in - I think that might be a good idea to boost my blood sugar. I have been having a problem of late then when I eat I feel nauseated - and if I don't eat I feel nauseated too - sort of a catch 22. So the 5lbs that I have gained is slowly coming off again. I had this some time ago - have no idea what it is and they said last time it was a virus and had to run it's course.

I have no idea what to suggest re your mom's treatment - I haven't done any research to find out but I know you will have done. I understand your mum's reluctance to try electro shock treatment - it does have a bad rap.

How did it go when you went over last night?

I cannot decide whether or not to come to UK this year. My mum seems to be more and more frail. Then she will be fine again. I HATE the journey but keep thinking I might not be able to see my mum again - yet we Skype every week. I really should decide one way or the other. I even checked out fares last night. Hey Dizzy - how much is a taxi from your place to Heathrow? Can you check for me? (Not that I am inviting myself to stay - LOL). I usually fly from Gatwick and stay with my aunt then last time I stayed at a hotel at Gatwick airport which was lovely, as it is too far from my mums to get there for my plane check in time. I need to make a decision.

I am rambling really well aren't I? I am hoping our weather will be nice enough tomorrow to get my motorcycle out. Today was really cold this morning - frost - when I left but was 70 when I left work, so am thinking I might get my bike out tomorrow for a ride. Okay - I will stop torturing you all and get going.

Love and hugs, Sun XXX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have never slept til noon...at least not since I was 20! WTE cracks me up! I was on central time when I hit her lovely abode. We hit the jacuzzi, talked for hours, I joked going to bed @ 4 am my time. I'd need to sleep til noon. I quickly adjusted!

Yes, she taught me how to type in Word here, copy & paste, etc...however I am writing straight onto the site. UGH - I'll do it another day when I want to comment on everyone's posts.

I had a BLAST with her!! We have so much in common and got along soooooooooo well. Lots of stories, had an outing everyday, lots o' wine, went to bed in a timely fashion. I didn't match her up at 6-7 routine! Yee gads!! But was up by 8-8:30, which I thought was reasonable. Plus she needed some space to do biz.

Earthquake the first morning in the jacuzzi, drinks & appetizers @ the Beach House, a day of sight-seeing & a famous hotel beachfront w/ a driver, golf at a famous course...we did something every day, but it was relaxing & PERFECT!!!

I LOVED my spring break in CALI !! Soooooooo great - I really was sad to leave!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just Saying Hi,

Hi All, just want to say hi and I'm here reading and too overwhelmed with my hypnotherapy school to have time to really respond, but thinking of everyone and love you all.

XXX

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all! I still can't access via web ... only my phone. Missing all of you but still reading. too hard to type a long message on my phone keypad. I have been AF for 21 days. taking my all one but not taking other supps. planning to start in on them again. been very tired and depressed. mostly just working. worried about that, but realizing I have probably been depressed for years and A was my way of masking it. my only frustration is my friends are fine with AF but no one seems to want to acknowledge legitimate depression! sorry things are up and down or rough for many of you. I have tried everything to get connected but not working. I even asked for mwo to check into it from their end but it seems they have ignored my access issues. take care all of you. I will check in. hugs, lissa

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone I've been keeping up with all your posts - they are so inspirational, I think that even when there is an ongoing crisis (dizzy et al) I can see your true self shining through.

disabled d has been in hospital with severe pneumonia and it's been a very difficult time for our family. thankfully she is regaining her strength but is still in hospital for the time being. trying to be mum to a disabled d, 16 yo son and 12 yo daughter with a husband who works away 14 days out of 28 is a NIGHTMARE! Add to that all the other life events - you know the ones they usually start with "making sure the bills get paid" and end....well they never do end, do they?

I had to come off the TOPA because it was too much of a depressant. I had touched on this before in previous posts, but it really did get too much. It was a very deliberate decision. Thank goodness I came off before my wee girl was in hospital. It was very crippling and thankfully I knew it was the TOPA that was causing the depression. The depressive mist has lifted and I can deal with what is in front of me on my own terms.

I have no idea how to cope with the AL now. I've been emotionally eating like fecking crazy and can't count the number of sandwiches i guzzle. At least nights in hospital mean no wine. What am I going to do when I get home and have "post hospital stress disorder" - sorry after 10 years of having a disabled daughter that is a REAL CONDITION!! What now?

[honey60]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Do you have the hypno CDs? The first 2 are great stress relievers for anyone. How smart of you to realize the problem with the Topamax. i haven't started it yet, but will look out for the same. Prayers for your family!!

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

honey60;1479174 wrote: Do you have the hypno CDs? The first 2 are great stress relievers for anyone. How smart of you to realize the problem with the Topamax. i haven't started it yet, but will look out for the same. Prayers for your family!!

Thank you honey, it's so lovely of you to reply. Please don't be put off my Topa experience, just be mindful of your thoughts and if none of them are textbook depressive then carry on! Topamax made a huge difference to my wine drinking - I really didn't want to drink it at all and if you can manage that with no side effects then that is brilliant :l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welcome,
Honey 60, so happy that you found our Topa/AnythingGoes Thread, do you feel like sharing a bit about yourself so that we can know you better? Hope so and anxious to hear.

Dear Teezah, I so feel for you and how hectic your life must be with your situation, I know it from experience. I'm really thankful your daughter is recovering from the pneumonia, how difficult it is to see our little ones so at risk and also knowing that they are not as strong in the end and who knows when we might lose them, but actually the same goes for life in general, it is fragile and a gift.

And Teezah I noticed that you are maybe feeling at your wits end since stopping the Topa, I had to stop it also, but I have some hypno CDs that might be of help (not the ones from My Way Out) I disliked those very much

If you are interested, Teezah, I will make and send them to you, they might work especially when you have nothing else.

JLWhat in heavens name is going on with you not being able access the website? Is it due to not being able to log in? Or something else? Wow, how bizarre, please PM me and I will try to help you sort it out

Houtx & WTE, oh so happy for your great visit and finally meeting up, sounds like TWO PEAS IN A POD. Golf, Limos, Plenty of Wine:H

Sunhi dear friend:h I hope you are over the viral thing but I also don't think you needed to lose that 5 pounds, I think perhaps your body might need that bit of extra muscle especially in your new position with the extra physical work that you are doing. We know that in general when losing weight our bodies lose muscle rather than fat when it comes off like this, I actually kind of worry about your desire to be so thin.

I love the couch that you picked and have fun repainting, sometimes it really does give a lift to our spirits and energy overall to make some changes in our home environment. I really do owe you a visit in order to see The Arch and meet your family and see your garden, but I won't be working in it:H See you soon:h

Space I'm so concerned about your situation with all the necessary money being cut off, anything better happening today? Did you get the visit from the Lady? What is the Council? That I saw someone make reference to? Here in the States we have low income housing, is it similiar to that? Or something different? I'm also wondering how your mother is doing and also your daughter that was recently married to the man with the Al problems, just haven't heard much about them recently.

Dizz is there a chance that you will not be able to get the Visa? When will you know for sure? And what is the contingency plan?

Stuck Where are you??? What kind of mischief are you up to? Are you still isolating yourself? How are you on teaching days? Have you visited the Forrest Detox Center yet? How was it and will they let us celebrate when we get out?

Bye for now and love to All!

[Jay-J]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there!

Just an update on me: Day 14 AF and Day 12 on Topa

I'm now on 50mg. Been on 50 for the past 5 days. Still so far so good. No SE's at all. Looks like I can make the jump to 75mg. by next week.

One thing I'd like your opinion on: All my "offline" friends tell me I should go see a psychiatrist or specialist regarding the use of Topa. I tell them, I have thousand of experts on this board that help me out and they have more real world experience than any psychiatrist. My reservations for seeing one is this: They probably have a maximum of 10-20 patients on Topa giving them feedback. This board has several hundred giving feedback to each other. They tend to have a negative outlook on things. This board is all positive and good vibes . They charge $150 per session which I'm not even comfortable being in. Here it's free and I'm happy and smiling all the time . All for what? So they can give me a prescription? What if I can get Topa over the counter? (I can). So do I really need to see one?

Thanks!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning to all.....

Hi there jay - good for you with being on day 14. If you are feeling fine, there is no need to go up unless you are having cravings..... if you aren't, stay at 50mg. You might be one of the lucky ones that it works for at a lower dose. If you feel cravings starting, then go up again.

I laughed at your analogy with seeing a specialist or counselor re the Topa - and having everyone here. I see why your off-line friends would say that BUT they do not understand that we all have the experience that a specialist does not - no, we don't have the letters after our names, but we do have the actual hands-on experience that in my opinion, is sometimes far more valuable !! WHY would you need to see someone? If you feel you need to, then go for it, but if it is just to get info about Topa, I think you will find far more info here. Only you can decide...... :l

Teezah - gosh you do have it hard don't you? I really don't know how you handle things, especially with hubs being away so much. Do you have any family/friends who can help out at all? I really hope so...... I hope your daughter gets better soon - her being in the hospital gives you a break from her being at home but is more added stress with her being poorly.

I too had the depression with Topa - but mine was at a very high level, although that doesn't really matter I suppose if it is the level at which it works. I am sorry you have had to come off it but completely understand. Been there. You do NOT need a dark depression to add to your life !! When you get 'home' you could try L-Glut and Kudzu - they work for me when I take them properly. Which of course I didn't. But you might think about them - they really do work.

Hi there LJ so sorry you still cannot access this site - what a pain for you. And how odd too. Great about the AF and also understand the depression - when I am AF I too have a hard time - I think after so many years of drinking it is hard to get ones head into a different place. This week on the AB I am going into it with a different attitude and am hoping I feel differently to how I did the first week I tried it. I have plans to keep busy - instead of 'waiting for saturday'. I am recovering a chair that has been needing doing for years - that is my first plan!!

Honey - I didn't have any Se's until I hit 300mg's which is high to go to. But then the depression hit. So, try not to even think about that. I deliberately didn't look up SE's of Topa when I started it and this thread wasn't here so I had no idea what i was going into. Many folk don't have SE's and if you do start to have them, try staying on the same dose until that particular SE goes away.

Hi Play - lovely to hear from you. Yes, my viral thing seems to be improving I think - I have been eating all weekend with no problem. And I have always been thin - not that I have a desire to be, just that this is the size I am and this is me. Right now I would like that extra 5lbs back again as it felt better on me !! Made cookies last night so am working on them !! And have a very long day at work today and got lots of food packed !!

You know you would be welcome to visit anytime - just let me know which plane you are on and I will be there with bells on to meet you LOL !! That goes for anyone here !!

Well, I must get going - need to sort the dogs before I leave for work.

love and hugs all, Sun XX

[Jay-J]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I laughed at your analogy with seeing a specialist or counselor re the Topa - and having everyone here. I see why your off-line friends would say that BUT they do not understand that we all have the experience that a specialist does not - no, we don't have the letters after our names, but we do have the actual hands-on experience that in my opinion, is sometimes far more valuable !! WHY would you need to see someone? If you feel you need to, then go for it, but if it is just to get info about Topa, I think you will find far more info here. Only you can decide......

I know... These non-ALK's think the PHD's know it all. I don't want to see one, but they keep on pressuring me to do so. Saying it's dangerous, etc., BS this and that, etc. I'm doing great with the MWO method and all the advise here. This board is a pharmaceutical companies' wet dream. Where can they get thousands of people with REAL hands on experience sharing information? They seriously cannot get this kind of feedback in a lab. If they only knew the power of real life ALK's on the internet But what can I do? Seeing a psych is what "normal" people do, right? Well, the more they insist, the more they'll just push me away... Thanks!

Regards!