New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning to you all! SO happy the site is back again - I was freaking out yesterday!! I didn't get my fix before I went to work ! Talk about addiction !!

Space - In a way I think it is good that you will be making daily visits to your mum - it will give you a purpose and a reason to get out of bed and dressed and washed. You might find you will even start feeling better. We all need some sort of purpose to get up in the morning - maybe this is yours? Hang in there - things can only get better when you are feeling this low. Have you talked again to the lady yet? Any news on the benefits front? I am thinking of you and sending you hugs :l

Meggie - my regular doctor wanted me to go to AA too - she doesn't understand that it isn't for everyone. This site has been SO supportive for me - I know AA is great for some but it wasn't for me - and might not be for you. Maybe check in more?

Play - I am so sorry you the lost the Second Best Post Ever. What a bummer - I do the same as you - have two windows open and reply in one and go back to the other so will have to watch that - sometimes if it is a long post I will hit copy just in case though!! How are things going this week with the AB? We haven't managed to connect yet so I hope things are going well for you.

Ally - good to see you - how are things going - re the spirituality stuff - I e-mailed you a week or so ago but will e-mail again and explain what we are doing......

Dizzy - thanks for the info re the taxi - I am not sure if I am coming over this year or not. cannot make up my mind but if I do, I will let you know. As for the dietician - I hate to say this but I probably know as much as them - being veggie for so long, I had to work out my own way of eating before there were even dieticians that accepted a veggie diet as sound ! I did see one YEARS ago and told her what I ate and she said she couldn't fault it. The energy slumps are 'cos I over eat on something - I am used to grazing and never eat a large meal - never have. I wish you would all stop worrying about my weight - IT IS FINE. Yes, I am thin, but no, I don't have a problem. I eat pretty much what I want to. If I have my coma sandwich I have to accept what happens. I eat little and often. Okay - subject closed. But thank you Play and Dizzy for your concern.

LJ - maybe you are able to access the site now that everyone has had the same problem? I lost it, as did Play and Dizz and Meggie. Looking at other threads I think the whole site went down. At least you can access it still with your phone - I couldn't even do that and it was a horrid feeling. I felt I had lost my family. I don't have a smart phone so if it hadn't been the whole site I would have been really stuck.

Anyway everyone - day four of the AB and things are going really well. NO cravings although last night I think if I hadn't had the AB I might have had a Guinness. But I had some juice instead (thanks Diz) and a glass of water. I have been doing stuff in the evenings and sleeping well too - but with the AL I slept well too - in fact have noticed no difference at all with my sleep. It is funny but I wake up and feel the same as I did when I had had a drink - but having changed my attitude on how I was going to handle this week has been really good.

Stuck - how are you feeling now? We wait to hear if you are feeling any better......

Well, off to get ready for work - SO enjoying my new position. Love and hugs to all,

sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun I dont think the going to see my mum every day is good for me, it makes me feel under pressure, guilty if I dont go, responsible for her by the way she still refuses the doctor and says she is ok, other times she sits there going on about wanting to go and be with my dad and how she misses him and she might take an overdose.

Still no news on the money front the appeal can take months but Im hoping it wont take that long.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Apologies in advance for the drive-by post, ladies. But Sun and Play you've both asked how I'm doing (and Dizz, you laughed at my joke--thanks for that ).

Stil sober. Going to the gym just about every day. Writing is still nearly impossible, so that blows. But I am sleeping better, except when my ex calls at 4 o'clock in the goddamned morning to tell me she really needs to get laid so she's probably going to sleep with the dude she just broke up with this weekend.

I'll try to be around a bit more, but that's it for now. Space, sorry about your mom situation, and how down you've been lately. Big hugs.

:l:l

[persimmon]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

???

Who is a thread killer?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

LOL Persimmon - I AM !!!! Good to see you here !!! WELCOME !!!!!!!!

Hugs Sun XXX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Actually I need to say more than that - I need to welcome you to our thread properly. We are a daft bunch - but very friendly. Most of us have been on Topa at one time or another, and now are not ! But we find that we all like the family feel of this thread. we talk about anything and everything. Pull up a chair and join us. Some of us still drink. Most of us are trying to mod. I have always modded - sort of. Used to always have two a night - Guinness is my drink of choice. I don't do hangovers so never get drunk. Sometimes lots of posts, sometimes far and few between but usually there is someone around.

please if you you want to, tell us a little about you..... if not, that is fine too. Just great to see you here......

Hugs, Sun XX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

A Second Big Welcome to you Persimmon to our thread, the cafe of many couches and easy chairs:h BTW, by what nickname may we call you?

Well, the thread killer is Sun and her buddies, on that thread that just seems to go on and on in a never ending way, I haven't got caught up in it because it requires too much thinking to come up with a good reason every time another comes up with a better way than yours,
Way too much effort for me and I'm surprised that a bear of little brain can manage it:h

Well, first off, I lost that 2nd best post of all time, I'll try to just throw things in here and there to make up for it, I spent a good bit of focus and then it went "poof", I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Jay, I think I also asked why you are moving up on the Topa when you are having good results on a lower dose? You haven't let us know what your thoughts are. And Jay, just want to add reassurance that you should go to a psych for the Topa monitoring if you feel better with that support, we are not professionals here, but do have loads of hands on experience.

Dear Dizz, just wondering what your alternate plan will be if you don't get the Visa?

And DizzI'm so feeling for you as a citizen of the world and yet having your access controlled by the Powers That Be in your country.

I have many complaints about my country, the United States: one of the most violent countries in the world, our infrastructure is finally starting to fall apart due to not being invested in for many years, our health care system is abysmal, our safety net for disadvantaged people is being cut more and more, and other things I can think of, oh yes, I must mention gun violence as part of the being one of the most violent countries around,

but well, we can be thankful for the freedom of being able to pick up and go to about any country in the world that we fancy visiting, getting lost in and in general that is I feel one of our greatest freedoms. Now we might not be able to overstay our welcome in that country, but at least we can get there without much Trouble. I sure hope you can get out of SA this time, you might just have to overstay your Visa this time, get married or whatever it takes I must also add that when I come home from 5 or 6 weeks in Spain and go thru U.S. customs, for some reason they question me quite specifically as to why I stayed there for such a long time and I've never figured out why as they have no control over how long I actually stayed, that part was up the the EU visa.

LJ, in regards to accessing the site, are you able now? Yesterday we all had the experience of the site going totally down. Stuck, what causes sites to do that? And why do I just ask Stuck? He is a computer geek:H why do I think that? Well Stuck you spend lots of time home alone hooked up to your computer games, etc, so you must be the expert.

Honey, I don't know you, want to share?

Sun, my little sister, I'm happy to have you with e on the AB 5/7 plan again, it makes it infinitely easier to know you are there with me, but then again, I know you are with me no matter what road we take.

To Ally and Sun, regarding the reading that we are doing, I'm thinking it might be very worthwhile to listen to the CDs that come with the magazine, rather than/or in addition to just reading and sharing thoughts. Last night I listened to the "from human love to divine love" CD that came with the new magazine and thought, Wow, that was really great, and Sun thank you, and anyway it is a thought.

My Dear Space,
Oh how much I feel for you, I think when I am super down, it centers around the lack of money. Having enough money really does enable us to have a feeling of security and easiness about being able to relax from day to day, I definitely do get that.
and totally feel where you are coming from in your feeling of insecurity and depression. I also understand you feelings of anger and frustration when you hear your Mum talking about perhaps going clear.

Space, I do hope tho that you will find time to clean your teeth every dayas they may come in handy some day. And BTW, have you received a small package yet? It would be your long overdue Christmas present from our time in Spain, please let me know if you get it or not.

Darling Dizz,

Thanks for asking about my Hypno School, well I feel like the most blessed person to be doing it just now, just now when I am ready for the coincidence that it brings to my life in connecting to issues that have concern for me, the blessing of meeting many people from many countries and also local people, people who have the same fears, insecurities, the same universal issues to work on,

obviously we are all connected by the common bond of humanity, being present at this time on this physical earth plane, so this school right now is invaluable. Every single day I have the privilege of being present when my co-students, courageous beyond saying, get up in front of us and share their most intimate fears and issues, well, we are all crying along with them in the end and have all benefitted and grown together.

Dizz, I don't know how this will manifest in my life in the future/now, but that door is OPEN!

Well, we sure had that scare about the site being down, didn't we? We are a family here and the thought of that just suddenly being taken away yesterday was very difficult for me, so I ask again, please PM me with your email if you want to make sure that we are able to stay in contact with each other in case this whole site for some reason goes down, it could happen, maybe technical e problems, or perhaps RJ finally feels that she does not have the financial means to support this site any longer, lets make sure that we stay in touch and can start our own site if we need to, please email me with your email

Love you all,
Playland

[ljeanner]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello everyone ...

No, I still can't access the site via my internet. I've tethered my laptop to my phone at the moment so I can write a decent post for a change. Unfortunately, it is a routing error so there is nothing I can do at my end to fix it. I've tried to deal with the web owners but they seem unable to understand what I am telling them -- or possibly they can't fix it either. I am not sure if you know how visiting a website works ... but generally, you go from your own IP and then hop over a number of IPs until you make it to the final destination (in this case, mywayout.org). In my case, there is one IP that "times out" so I can't actually ever make it to the website. A tech told me that it usually works itself out eventually, but it has been at least 2 weeks now, so not feeling the hope. haha.

I have been reading all the posts in the thread on my phone every day, but it is too much work to post a response on my phone touch pad, so I apologize for being so silent. I do care a ton about what is going on with all of you, and I am always sad to see your downs, but happy to see the ups and successes.

To update all of you, I think I am on day 27 AF. It hasn't been all that difficult, to be honest, but my problem is never not drinking, but being able to stop when I do drink. I typically have a craving at the end of the week, but it hasn't been that hard saying no, and I am relieved not to have my typical 2-day hangover with the deep depression.

But, I am exhausted. Truly, absolutely exhausted. So, I can totally relate, Space, to not wanting to bother with brushing teeth or showering oneself. Self-care is so hard for me at the moment. I am used to pushing myself beyond the brink all the time, and it has been difficult forcing myself to sleep more, feed myself properly and not overwork myself when I simply can't handle the work mentally. Yesterday, I got up the energy to make the trek over to the health food store to buy tyrosene (it was brutally cold and windy), and then my bank card wouldn't work. It took everything I had to go back home, call the bank, then go to the bank to get a new card and make my way back to health food store. I was close to tears from the effort it took (how sad!), and once I got back home I had to crawl into bed for 2.5 hours to sleep. The day before I managed to go out for coffee with a friend of mine for an hour. I explained how depressed I have been and he seemed to understand due to his own battle with depression.

Dizzy, thank you SO much for leading me to The Mood Cure. I am finding it a fascinating read, and also horrified that I fit into three of the categories. I just started on L-Tyrosine and 5 HTP. It is already making a difference, but I am truly horrified at how imbalanced my brain is at the moment. Years of abuse certainly takes a toll on one's brain function it would appear. My sleeping patterns are already turning back to normal -- I was in bed at 9:00 last night and didn't wake up until 8am (err ... well, I did wake up at 4:30am to go to the washroom but went back to bed ... must be all the water I am drinking). Weirdly, the tyrosine has almost taken my craving for coffee away entirely. I seem to be getting out of the fogginess from the past couple of weeks where I was having a lot of difficulty concentrating enough to do my writing work. I suspect the fatigue is also due to my body attempting to heal itself. I want to take gaba for the adrenalines, but am a bit worried as I realize it is not great for low blood pressure, which I do have. And, I am also taking my ALL ONE religiously everyday in a mucky mix a la Sun along with adding a B Complex and Vitamin C. I am plannign to integrate the L-Glut, once I want to actually go out again. For now, I really don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. How sad!

I want to comment on all of your happenings, and will do so this evening. I need to take this window of energy I have and focus on getting caught up with some work. I guess I could have hooked my phone up to do this before, but it just seemed like to much effort. I am so sorry! I truly can't believe how exhausted I am now.

Love, hugs and cheers to you all, LJ

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Drive-by here from me to say hi, and loved and appreciated all your posts. So many I want to comment on and will later - I am humbled by the struggles vs clear-headedness all of us here talk about. I have not fallen into the "clear-headedness" one sadly...am living the usual lush-ous life. UGH!!

Had a great time w/ WTE, but know I need to moderate bigtime. Have been feeling really weird the last few days - dizzy and woozy. Hard to shake it off. Weird. Springtime resolutions: early to bed, early to rise!! So on that note, will retire at 9:45 CST (with my new Kindle Fire HD I won over Spring Break!!), read my book, sleep well and play some (bad probably!!) golf tomorrow.

Everyone, hang in - wishing you all well!
XXXOOO

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I freaking love golf.

It's the driving the cart directly into the lake and spilling your beer all over yourself that's the only bad part.

:l

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Play, I really enjoyed your post on the freedoms that we Americans take for granted. I do feel blessed, but I am also very concerned with the directions we are headed. I worry about the violencel, you can't be safe in a mall, movie theater or a classroom. I don't know if we need better gun control or more phyciatric care in our schools. There are also many sick parents raising sick children who wouldn't take the help even if it was offered for free. These parents are more interested in clothes and how popular their children are.
I also worry about our children's future, there are no jobs for the average child. Those that graduate from college and don't have an engineering degree will end up at Walmart. Hard to take when you have 100 thousand in loans.
I have a child graduating from college, she won't get a job, she may have to move down south. Which is ok. ,
I drank too much Thursday night, woke up feeling like crap for the whole day. Today I should go to the gym, and get moving. I can't move, I need to take in the freedom of doing nothing. I am so interested in hypnotherpy and would love to know what the classes entails. What do you get in the end? Are you able to hypnotize people?
I need to quit this drinking, I need to clean out my system.

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

THis is the best thread ever! Sun, Play, Dizzy, and Space! You guys are awesome!

Play:; I don't think I have that CD. Is it the one about worries and anxiety?

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Humph!!!

How are you going to forget about me like that, Ally!? I thought we really had something special!

Oh well, it's probably for the best. My sober streak has come to an end, and it only took two days of drinking for me to get hit on by a married woman and then to bring home a random Mexican girl. Ah, life.

I'm off to the gym and then to work so I don't get fired from this online job that I hate and kinda want to get fired from.

:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone, I have just read through this page but I am now so tired I feel like I need a bit of a sleep, however I do want to reply so you know Im still here and still care.

Lj I totally understand the exhaustion you talk about, it seemed like going to the health food store was more like climbing a mountain, well done on that and being able to sort out the bank card rather than just going home and leaving it. Depression is horrible and can make everyday life near impossible to do, I know mine does. Also well done on your not drinking, do you have any plans on what you are going to do about drink for say the next week/month, can you just carry on not drinking for a bit longer now you have got this far, you say you are not having too much of a problem keeping it down and I know only too well the problem putting it down once weve started.

Stuck did I read right, you started drinking again two days ago, are you ok. What are you thinking about it now? my thoughts would probably be "Ive done it now so I might as well carry on until I cant anymore (because I have made myself so ill or something bad has happened)", but you could also say that its just a little blip and stop again no worries.

Play I am so happy for you that you are loving your hypno school and getting so much out of it, are you doing because of professional interest or personal. Hows the AB5/7 going, its great you have found something that is working for you, you sound so happy in your post. Im sorry I didnt mention it but yes I did get the package, thank you so much, the magnets are on my fridge holding the card

Sun Im glad you have decided to give the AB5/7 another go and are feeling ok this time, I agree that it is about the mindset for you, now you are feeling more possitive about it and not just waiting for saturday.

Meggie Im glad you are still posting, Its sunday now so dont worry about Thursday its gone. I like the way you said you need to clean out your system and thats a good way of looking at it. Can you visualise your body getting cleaner when you drink pure clear water and repairing itself from good food. Then maybe imagine when you drink it is all getting messed up again, the wine or whatever it is is staining those clean cells and clogging you up, the toxins giving you a hangover and making you feel bad after.

Dizzy how are things going for you, have you heard any more about the visa situation?

Its over three months now since I had a drink, I dont count days or anything but just noticed the date on the laptop. I dont want to drink either, I have no craving for drink and no desire to want to risk messing that up. So I think that right now my past drink problem is sorted. You know I have all kinds of other problems which are not getting sorted, there are days when I think life is just throwing more and more shit at me and its more than I can handle but I seem to just carry on doing the basic things I can for my kids and mum and thats it really. My youngest son ripped his school shoe on Friday and I dont have the money to get him another pair right now so he will have to go in his pe trainers, the school will complain because they are strict on uniform and I will have to phone and tell them my situation which I dont want to do, it is humiliating to have to say I depend on state handouts and they are being denied to me so I cannot even get my own son new shoes, but I have to try my best not to think about it. I have seen programmes on tv that the situation in the US is no better, how can what where the two greatest most wealthy nations on earth have become like this. Its like the UK is reverting to victorian times here with the poorer geting poorer and the gap widening between the wealthy and everyone else. Anyway that is my rant over with for today.

space xx

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I being in the US just read an article about how screwed our system is. There is so many people getting very rich, and there is so many that are poor and the typical middle class is becoming something of the past. You ever look at the singers, basketball players or just rich people and how much they make. They are making billions a year, why can't they pay more in taxes? I am excited to be able to pay my bills and have a savings account to pay for emergencies.