New here and starting Topa and with a question

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hubby

to answer your question, he's very sarcastic and takes every opportunity to make rude comments about my drinking, or how i'm a drunk......it gets old.........i hide from him as much as possible..and just keep quiet and cry....i guess i deserve it, i am a drunk, i used to drink wine every night, but have recently changed to vodka cause it doesnt give me such a headache in the morning. i was drinking about 1and a half bottles of wine a night . i haven't measured how much vodka i drink, enough to knock me out. i also take clonozapan and a sleeping pill...i want to stop...but i really just dont like him, and don't know if im giong to like him any better sober...bugpieper

[Jay-J]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi bug,

Sorry your hubby is like that. It's really hard to deal with a nitpicker like that. Specially when trying to quit drinking. So 25mg. didn't do anything for you? Maybe 50mg. will. Just do it 1 week at a time. Then go 75mg. stay a week, then 100mg, then stay a week, then check-in.

To the rest of the gang, well sorry I've been so scarce It's just that these past 30 days of AF have just been so busy and to put it in a nutshell: PRODUCTIVE.

I have never in my life been this productive. I'm even amazed at myself. I don't think Topa is an anti-depressant, but it's just making me so happy and active apart from not making me think about AL. They say there is no magic bullet, but to me, Topa is the ONE! I'm like the Energizer bunny. It's just so good!

An example would be last weekend. I was on an overseas trip. Short and hectic. On my way back home, I had a full day. Started my journey at 7am. Had to take a train, taxi, bus and airplane. Got home at 2am, Monday. There was work at 8am. So it was a 19 hour travel. Normally, I would have had the perfect excuse to skip work and get drunk and pop Valiums all day; "jet-lag" It's a tried and true excuse to get drunk and out of work and it works all the time. But lo and behold, I was frigging excited to get up at 7am and report to work about what went on during my business trip! Would you look at that... I too was shocked! I was excited to go to work in 5 hours after a 19 hour trip. I didn't even think about playing hooky. I surprised even myself. If that's not magical, I don't know what is

Even my wife is noticing and jokingly tells me that I am becoming an "over achiever"

Well, it's a nice feeling and I'm enjoying it. This is the real me that I have not seen in 25 years and have forgotten already and getting to know all over again. It's nice

I'll try to be more active. Promise!

Regards.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning to you all...

JAY - how wonderful for you that Topa is working SO well - awesome !!! You sounded so happy and good that I found myself smiling as I read your post - that is just wonderful! I am very happy for you and laughed at what your wife said too - I bet she is is happy as you about the difference !

Play - your tummy will go down - you are probably bloated !! Good to hear from you and happy you are on the mend. I took the AB yesterday - you obviously don't need to seeing as where you are - LOL. Yes, I will still visit but we will not do a lot ! I can look after you :H

Bug - When we have been drinking for a long time, our spouse just sees what they have always seen - once the Topa kicks in and you stop drinking he will notice a difference I hope. It does NOT help you in the slightest that he is like that and my heart goes out to you. Right now, you are trying very hard to overcome this and he is not helping. Have you been married long? Do you have children? As for liking hubs, sober, worry about that down the road - let's get you sorted first and then you can go from there. the Topa can take some while to kick in - for some it takes a much higher dose - I think Jay is on 75, which is relatively low. the book says you can go up to 300 which is what I did so don't worry about it not working yet - okay? :l

Just don't rush going up - it does NOT help - stay on each dose for a week - I never thought it would work for me and when I was giving up hope - it kicked in !

Anyway - off to work - see you all later, hugs, sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Me again.....

I hope everyone is doing well and only hope that no news from everyone is a good thing. Hugs to all,

love, sun XX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi eveyone
Sorry I'm scarce, been feeling really flat for the last couple of days, don't really feel like talking much. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you all and I hope you get better soon Play. Bug, I really hope your husband will start showing positive support when you cut down with the help of Topamax.
XOX

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thanks sunshinedaisey, we've been together for 32 years and have 4 kids....i will continue to take the topa and continue to have hope! bugpieper

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow Bug - 32 years is a long time so he can't be all bad - there must be something good about him for you to have stayed with him for so long. I am just a year behind you at 31 years - we have 2 children. We have our ups and downs, but I know I wouldn't be without him. Does he drink? My hubs does, but he has been trying to do the Mon-Fri thing with me - although he hasn't done it this week and I haven't said anything. The choice has to be his. Yes, do just leep plodding on with the Topa - there are many for whom it does work - it might just take a higher dose for you. Hang in there - early days yet eh?

Hi there Dizzy - sorry you are feeling down. But I was so happy to see you post even if it is just a few lines. It was getting sort of lonely here...... :upset:

Play and I have decided that it is best if I skip my visit to her. It isn't fair for her to have company when she isn't feeling well - and after surgery everyone takes a while to get over it. She was worried I would be bored if she wasn't up to much and as we just didn't know, decided to make it another time. However, so as not to totally waste my ticket I am going to see WTE instead !! Ironic - the time I was supposed to be going to WTE, SHE ended up in the hospital so I changed my flight to Play - this time I am going to Play and SHE ends up in the hospital and I change my flight to WTE !!! Oh me !!!

I hope you all come out to play soon - it is getting very quiet around here without everyone. Hope to see you all soon,

love and hugs, Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Strangers! (not you .. ME!) HA!

First ? PLAY! Oh my Goodness! Sun has kept me a bit updated on your recovery ? but NO FUN! I am SO grateful you are OK, but what a bummer to go through! I hear you are home now and on the mend ? take it EASY!!!! I am sorry Sun won?t be visiting you as I can only imagine how much you were looking forward to it. But if you are anything like me, the last thing in the world you need is company to worry about ? ever IF they only want to help. THAT IS how I felt when the last trip was planned and I ended up in the hospital. We worry if they are bored, have the right food, blah, blah, blah ??. Personally, I like to be left alone when I don?t feel well unless I really the help. There WILL be other visits. Call here if you acre to ?. Think you have my digits .. or we can Skype all together. (and YES .. this thread is STILL our living room ? I have just been on vacation HA!)

OK, Typhoid Mary! LOL Knock it off will ya? I came down with a UTI yesterday after I talked to you! Have meds ?again! HA! I am THRILLED to know you are coming on Friday! I am SO sorry your trip with Play was disrupted and know how much you were looking forward to it It will happen ? and hopefully I can join in next timer? Or you both can come here?? Play ? SO casual here ? Sun will tell you. Just don?t try and steal ?her dog? like Houtx did while she was here. LOL

Houtx! Hey, sent Sun that cute picture of you and Charlie in the hills. She said ?That?s MY DOG!? Cracked me up! I am in the same boat as you with the AB = terrified. Perhaps ?a BIG perhaps ? I will get some and keep it for a strong moment.

Stuck ? Hey you! How?s it rocking???? Always good to see ya ?

Space: I have not read much ? but the last I read ? you were doing really good. Same I hope!!! I was mentioning to Sun on the phone what an amazing ?flip? that happened!

Dizz: Have not seen you forever! Where are you at now? How are things .. you sounded down the few pages I went back and looked at. Hopefully better now (???) HUGS!

I am WAYYYYYYYYYY beyond trying to catch up ? but a few notes for some I see here ?..

Bug ? Hiya, WTE here and I am an old friend of Topas. I have been on it a few times with great success, and a few re=starts that didn?t work. Sadly, I am one of the odd ducks that suffers from serious weight loss on it. And I mean SERIOUS ? to the point of ill, so was forced to stop it. But ? having said that, it?s not a magic bullet but it sure can help! Everyone?s dosage is different. I found my spot at about 25 Am and 50 PM ? it was amazing. I think THE MOST IMPORTANT things are to ?listen to it?, it?s subtle, and DO NOT MOVE UP until you have gotten used to the dosage you are on. Some people have more SEs than others ? so stay the path until you are ready to jump up. And I am sorry about the hubs ? that must be so difficult, but I will agree with Sun that they get used to seeing us ?in a way?. It takes some re-building for some time for them to see you different (??) Go Girl! You CAN do this!

Jay: Wow Wow Wow!!! Thrilled for you!!!! I too was smiling when I read your post. IMPORTANT: Don?t stop the Topa because trust me, it may not work the same if you go back to it. ROCK ON!

Meggie: I am a HUGE fan of Wayne as well?. Humm.. do I have that book? How is it???

OK --- My bedtime here?

Love you all and miss SO MANY!
WTE

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

AWESOME to see you here WTE - LOL re you getting a UTI after I talked to you ..... not really, but you know what I mean - people are just NOT going to want to have me to stay at this rate !!

Anyway, lovely to see you posting - we have missed you!

off to work for me.....

Hugs, sun XX

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thanks

thanks guys for giving me support. how would i know to use 25 mg in the morining and 50 at night? who told you to do that?
my husband is a very light drinker......
Bug

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bug - as you titrate up, that is what you do. i will see if I can find the titration schedule - do you have it? I know it is here somewhere, if not I can scan it in to the computer and e-mail it to you - or see if it will be picked up in a PM otherwsie. I know it has been posted here a number of times but this thread is so long I don't know where to look any more......

Let me see if when I have scanned it into the computer I can send it to you in a PM.

Hugs, Sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay - hopefully you have got it by now bug.......LOL re the roundabout way that you DID get it !!..

I need to go and get my stuff packed for my trip. Hubs and daughter have been 'discussing' who is to take me to the airport at 4.15 am !!!! LOL. I think daughter pulled the short straw. She is fine with it though. hope to see some more folk posting when I next check in - it is SO quiet here !!!!

Love, Sun XX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

I don't have much to report, still waiting for visa and still in a bit of a funk.

A friend of mine did take me to the beach yesterday though, it was a lovely sunny Autumn day with not a cloud in the sky and it wasn't even windy. We had a loooong walk and then had lunch at this little beach shack place, it was nice to get out of my head for a little while.

I did drink for two days but other than that I've been alcohol free, I find that alcohol makes me very teary these days, not sure if its the combo of Topamax and Antabuse (I do wait for the Antabuse to wear off though) or whether I'm just stressed and keep it in too much when I'm sober.

WTE, so nice to see you. We'll just have to get Typhoid Mary to threaten you with a bout of something really nasty if you don't start writing more often! Just ask Play what she's capable of if you don't believe me. LOL, but then again, I think you are quite aware. We really need you back here, the thread is quiet with Play being sick and Space being scarce :upset:

Bug, you must go up with 25mg a week and ONLY if you are not having the desired effect yet. When you get to 75mg you have to take 50mg either in the morning or in the evening and you can play around with this depending if it makes you sleepy or gives you energy. If it doesnt do either then just stick to the titration schedule.

Your husband probably wants the best for you, my brother who I share a cottage with when I'm in South Africa is very cold towards me when I drink but is extremely nice to me when I don't. In his mind he can't stop me drinking but he doesn't have to be nice to me when I do. Sometimes it works and other times its annoying as hell.

Jay - you're very lucky that Topa is working so well for you. So far we've only seen such radical success in people with underlying bipolar but there are a few people with regular depression symptoms for whom it can also work in this way. Keep up the good work and make all the positive changes while you are feeling so good!

Space, would you tell us how its going over there? I'm worried about you and I wish there was something I could do to get the stupid council to see sense. Can your daughter help you with the paperwork?

Everyone else, please check in, especially those who we haven't seen in a while.

:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all, just a quick update from me, I have sorted out my rent and have got that paid for the next month and then have to go and apply again but am still getting no benefits until the appeal. I have sent all the forms off that need to be sent and just hear nothing, when I phone up I jsut get told it can take between 3 - 6 months! I am waiting for my appointment to get vouchers for the food bank which makes me feel really crap that I am now relying on charity for food for my sons. There is obviously not just me in this situation, I really hate out government and now a previous tory prime minister has died she is getting a state funeral costing 10 million, it makes me sick. I amstill not feeling good andam seeing my pdoc next week to hopefully get a med tweak as I cant carry on like this any longer, I have spoken to my community psychiatric nurse about it and she is comming into the pdoc appointment with me to help back me up. I am still nbot drinking tho, I am scared to now as the way I feel I dont think I would stop if I started.

Dizzy I hope your visa comes soon.

Play how are you feeling, are you resting and eating ok? I am thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery.

Sun and WTE, enjoy your weekend

Bug, stick around on here and you will be ok. My family are horrible to me when I drink but its because they are worried about me and want me to stop.

Love space xx

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all.

Well I've had quite a few weeks. The paperwork for my driver's license is all filled out and my lawyer is looking it over now. For better or worse, it'll be mailed of to the Secretary of State Monday or Tuesday, as my alcohol evaluation and treatment will expire on Thursday. So it's been a little stressful getting that all put together.

Other than that I'm probably no doing all that great. Drinking a lot at night, and waking up feeling like crap obviously, and taking a benzo in the morning to deal with the hangover. Not only is this not a good way to go about things, I'm going to run out of pills in the near future. So I don't really know what I'm going to do. As soon as I start feeling good in the afternoon I want to go right to the bar and get loaded again.

Today I'm on my way to sit through a conference for a couple of hours. Then there's a going-away party for a friend. I keep saying I don't want to drink, and that this has to stop at some point, but I'm sure I will. And this girl who'll be there wil probably come home with me. I've been bouncing back and forth between two women the past week. And I wouldn't want to sleep with either of them sober, but one of them just offered a threesome, and that's pretty darned tempting so I don't want to sober up too soon.

Anyway I may be going back on bac soon. If nothing else to replace the benzos that I'll eventually run out of.

Sorry you're still feeling so low, Space. I do hope the pdoc is helpful and tweaks your meds.