New here and starting Topa and with a question

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Did somebody say rude drunk girl with sleeve tattoos? One way you could keep her away from your brother is to tell her about this guy who lives in LA...

[momindelaware]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Taking my very 1st dose of 25 Topa tonight. Feeling nervous, but excited that maybe it will help.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm Back.

Hi Friends,
I've just been reading back and can't believe all that is going on here with everyone. I've lost too much time to try to post about each one of you and what is happening so I will just have to jump in and start posting again

I do want to say "Well Done" to Houtx on finally taking the AB, I think it will give you some perspective right now and I'm really proud of you for taking the plunge:l

SPACE, I definately think you need to report your Aunt's Niece as that really is Elder Abuse. Here in the States we have an agency to report it to and we can also report it to the Police Department. I do think it is your responsibility even tho it will cause some upset in your family, it is still "the right thing to do" And I'm really amazed in how much better you seem in your posts, something about your change in meds? and you are getting out for exercise classes, WOW, something is changing for you that is for sure. And, please listen to the Wendi meditation called, "Lucky You"

Dizz, oh my gosh, the BF is into his moods again, I remember the problems you had with that before you went to the UK in the beginning, I'm so sorry he continues to do that to you. It is actually such abusive behavior to write nasty emails to you and call you a liar, etc. My daughter is having similiar problems with her fiance, but he is probably much worse than BF and for her it will most likely end up with the marriage being off.

Hi Dear Stuck, wow, these middle aged women here kind of kicked your butt :H but I hope you will not totally leave us as I do so enjoy your presence here on the thread. I was a bit like you when I was young and I did live thru it but the problem is that my life is still not really sorted out, but I think I have come a long way. I'm not surprised that you are able to still function so well at your job while all this is going on for you, that is because you are young, and the drawback there is that the older you get the more difficult it becomes.

Sun, I'm really sorry that I wasn't able to be there for you during your dark time recently. I was so caught up in my own family drama that I have pretty much been oblivious to everything else that is going on. I've had family drama going on with my children, my son and daughter, and I guess they are pretty much my life as I have no real friends, except for Sun. My children have always been the most important people in my life even when I did have friends back in Colorado and was married. Now I live alone and focus even more on them.

So, awhile back I stopped taking my Zoloft and have been fine without it but right now with the problems going on with my son and daughter, my anxiety level has just been thru the sky, I have been unable to take the AB now for over a week because I am so stressed and just need the AL in the evenings to get me thru.

Dizz, I noticed what you said about "retraining" our brains and I kind of agree with you. I just have always hoped that with enough time perhaps our brains could change, but I also have read that we have changed the chemistry and wiring in our brains with the long term use of AL and that probably IS NOT going to ever change. I'm like You and Sun tho, I truly believe that a few days AF is better than drinking every single day of my life.

I'm asking everyone to send energy for me to be able to start the AB again perhaps on Monday, it's been over a week now and I'm so sick of it and yet it is the only way to comfort myself right now, so I really need your help here.

There is also a "WALK" here this weekend for the genetic condition that my granddaughter has and so I am stressing over the depression that it will most likely cause me. I know that I can't be in denial but it's also very difficult to be with other families who are facing the same thing. And then when I look at pictures of my absolutely beautiful granddaughter I feel happy.

Ok GANG, love you all and will try to keep in touch. BTY, I'm feeling totally back to normal since my surgery and only have one tiny incision that is giving a bit of trouble healing, its just stubborn but no real problem.

Love to All:h

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I don't post much but do read daily. I have cut my alcohol down to a quarter of the usual drink. I have done this for 2 days. I am sick of being so fat and working out like crazy. I eat very healthy with very little carbs. I know the only way to be really healthy is to get this monkey off my back. I also used to start drinking at 7pm, now pushing it off until 8:30.
My question is how do you get to sleep and stay asleep. I do take benedryl and meletonin to sleep but it takes forever to work and I am up from 3 on. I
I would try the AB but I am afraid of withdrawl and the problems that happen with withdrawl.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Meggie, I don't think withdrawal is a good enough excuse not to try AB. My usual drink is a bottle of wine, maybe two on weekends and I. Have never suffered withdrawal. I just drink 4 beers the last two days and I'm fine. You can ask anyone here, withdrawal won't. Happen unless you happen to be quaffing a bottle of vodka a night. And you. said you cut your drinking by 1/4 so I don't think so. And if you do drink a bottle, then just half it one night and then half it again the next and voila, no withdrawal.

Its when I drink too much that I wake up at 3am, its the time the liver cleanses itsel so it wakes you when the job is too arduous. I have insomnia. When I drink but sleep like a baby when sober - go figure!

Come on, don't try. This in a year's time and kick yourself for wasting. A whole year you couldve grown more healthy and lost more weight.

Stuck, Tattoo girl just returned. From Germany where she broke. Up with her techno music producing bf so I don't think travel is on the cards, unless you're buying. She is kinda hot if you're into that kind of goth look.

Welcome, MominDelaware (MID from here on) how is the. Topa treating you? Please tell us more about yourself.

Play! So glad you're back! I think bf and I might be off too, I don't want to end up marrying my dad! (Really hot temper). Will chat more with you later. On phone and need to get food, am straved! You can and will take another AB on Monday, you know AL does more harm than good.

Hugs,
D

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All!

I too took my first topa last night. And for good measure took an AB this morning. I am excited and scared, not like I ever was when I took bac. I hope topa will be my way out to be "normal". But what if it isn't? And I need to come to terms that I cannot drink? I know that is in the future and not to worry about now, but why am I so scared to stop drinking? I hate how I feel after, the hiding, the lying, the effect it has on my son. I like waking up sober, feeling good, ready for the day. Then evening comes, and all bets are off. I am tired and crabby and don't want to be that way with my son, so the wine takes the edge off, gives me that little boost I need.

What do I do to replace it? This is where I have lacked in past attempts. I am not reallly a hobby person. I need something, other than reading and running, to replace my beloved Cabernet.

I am alone alot, as my son is with his dad half of the time so I drink a lot out of boredome and depression.

I want so badly for this to work for me. I want to use every tool available, I just don't have many right now.

Sorry for the ramble, and thanks for "listening"! You all have motivated me to kick this once and for all...:l

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

This is not the healthiest long-term replacement, but for the next little while make sure you have plenty of snacks around the house. Some sweet, some salty, like peanuts or peanut M&Ms, wheat thins, things like that.

Find a good TV show, maybe, something light and funny. Depending on your sense of humor, I'd say Arrested Development or even the League--those are both on Netflix. Or, you know, you could just dive into all six seasons of Friday Night Lights.

And I'm not going to try to push you into AA or anything, I'm the last person to do that :H, but it's an instant group of people to be around. I don't have much experience with different groups, and I know some of them can really suck, but if you find the right one then you've instantly got a group of people who care about you, who will listen, and won't ask anything from you except to show up. I've never done anymore than that--just showed up every so often, never spoken to anyone not even before/after a meeting, never thought about getting a sponsor--but sometimes it really helps. If nothing else it'll give you something to do for a little while at night.

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks Stuck! In theory, it sounds so simple! but why is it so fricking hard?

I am feeling pretty good and know that I will just somehow have to overcome the bitchiness that will come this weekend and suffer thru my son's baseball games sober. Or without the reward of having a glass of wine after.

I have all the snacks and crystal light and vitamin water and coffee since drinking gives me energy.

I am full of resolve now, just hope I can hang on to it! I will just keep taking the topa! and AB too if need be!

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hola -

Welcome "MID"/MominDelaware! Hope the TOPA works for you - it is very exciting and hopeful to start with a new thing. TOPA has worked well for many so hope you find success too. Keep us posted.

PLay - good to hear from you! Glad you are better even though you've been drinking some. You'll do the AB again. Probably Monday...right after I do it again on Sunday! Hope the drama with your kids works out. I know the feeling, believe me! My son is graduating from college next week, so hope his drama will subside. Thankfully he has a job and is moving to Austin after a few weeks vacation. Now just my daughter will be calling home crying every so often!

Meggie - it's good you have cut down on your own! I always feel so much better when I'm able to do that. But in the last year or more I have just been drinking too much every single day. I hate seeing how it is taking a toll on every aspect of my life. Felt I had run out of options....AB scared me to death too.

But I am so glad I took it last Sunday at 3 pm!! Last drink around midnight the night before. I was afraid it would make me sick just from what I have pickled myself with all these years. Alas, nothing happened. Sunday night was a bit hard, but like I said earlier, I pretended to drink with my "mocktails" and actually was so proud of myself Monday then Tuesday and then today...FOUR days sober/AF!!! Tomorrow will be tempted to take a sip and "see..." but I had a dream the other night that I did that and got sick. It really is a psychological deterrant. I have not suffered any physical withdrawals at all. Maybe a slight headache, but I haven't taken aspirin since I've stopped either. My eyes are not as red & watery, I feel like my skin is brighter, and I KNOW my head is clearer. It was immediate. Every day this week at school was so much nicer. The kids were as rude and obnoxious as ever, but I was able to tolerate it so much better.

I'm amazed and I LOVE it. I am DYING for a glass of wine, but I am also enjoying the "tricks" I'm playing on myself. Plus I've lost 3 pounds in so many days. The first day my weight spiked a little, as it has done before when I've gone AF, but I think it's because I'm more hydrated. Then the last few days I have had to go to the bathroom almost every hour! I NEVER had to go much before- guess b/c my body was reabsorbing good liquids?! I don't know - all I can say is there is a difference. I think my blood pressure is lower too.

Now that I am at the end of the week, it was alot easier than I thought it would be. Yes, I miss wine and SOOOOOOOOO look forward to it this weekend!! But I also know I liked my resolve and courage and fortitude to do this for myself. I wouldn't have done it if not for DIZ, Sunny & PLay...

Thank you, ladies!!!!!!!!!!!! If I can do this, anyone can. Meggie, I started drinking after I got home from working out too (HA! I walk fast on the treadmill, while I read my Kindle, lift some weights - I "relax" at the gym for about an hour!) Then came home and started with the wine...3/4 of a big bottle on school nights....go to bed 10:30 - 11, take a toddie to bed with me & read & sip til about 11:30. Pass out, drag myself out of bed in the mornings...feel better by noon maybe...do it all again.

I hope I'm mostly done with that pattern. I can do this!! With the exception of things coming up, where I may need to stick to will-power if I can't take the AB & go for 5 days, I am resolved to stay this course. Enough from me tonight - I'm feeling soooooooo good!! Thanks again for the support!!

XO

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello MID,
We are so happy that you found your way here to our thread and I know that we can be of help to you, we know everything there is to know about TOPA:H, but seriously, we actually have enough experience with it to write a book, so here we are, join in, tell us about yourself, all you have to do is read back thru this soap opera of a thread to get to know us

Hey Meggie,
I don't think you need to worry about withdrawal symptoms either. You must really be drinking from morning until night and big quantities at that and for quite some time to have withdrawal, so please just take a couple of days to cut down a little bit, really it will be fine. And just take 1/2 the AB pill, that will also put your mind at a bit more ease.

DIZZ, so interesting what you said about waking up at 3am because that is when the liver is detoxing, are you sure you aren't a doctor in disguise You are such an asset to this thread, please don't ever stop posting because you are so happy being with BF. No kidding, that really made sense to me as when I drink I wake up every night at around 2AM and have an awful time from there until morning. Since taking the AB, I take one or two melatonin before bed and sleep really pretty well. And thank you for the thought that yes I will take the AB on Monday, just that small word from you has given me the resolve to take it again this coming Monday.

And yes, I repeat for all out there, once I actually take the AB, the ABSOLUTE INSTANT, I feel such a sigh of relief, a burden off my shoulders, it is just amazing how it works, please believe me, it is true.

TAW, Dear TAW,
I really hear all your desperation about what do you replace the drinking with when you take the AB or stop for any other reason. I have found that it helps me to avoid the situations that trigger craving for me such as:

stopping for pizza and wine on the way home from work ( I don't go there when I take the AB)

being at home in the evening by myself on my computer is also another big trigger so I try to get home a little later than usual, maybe I walk part way around the lake before going home

Once I am home I immediately get some bubbly water mixed with juice so that I have something to hold in my hand and drink as this feels normal

I have also found that I get involved rather effortlessly doing small things in the evening that I would never have done before, dishes, cleaning out a drawer, just things that I normally would never do, but this didn't take any real effort.

The other thing I have done in the evenings is to just watch every episode of any tv series that I like, I have just done this for hours until it is bedtime,

and I also find myself going to bed much earlier than when I was drinking. Drinking somehow gives me energy to stay up until ALL HOURS which means I am beat when I get up at 5:30 AM.

Ok, TAW, just try the AB, you will like it. Every time that you actually have to take it you will have to just do it out of FAITH, and the instant that you take the pill all the worry is over for 5 days, how great is that:l

Stuck,
You kind of got me thinking of going to an AA meeting, not because I believe in any of the miserable stuff that they want you to believe about yourself, but just that it might be quite an interesting experience, and I actually do know that deep down we are asking for help from a "higher power".

And if it is true as you said, that you have never gotten a sponsor, given a talk about what a miserable human being you are:H or etc., then it might be interesting to be with other people going thru this and entertaining and a way to take up an evening when I'm taking the AB and am sober, I actually think I will look into it. But I have one big question, please answer it for me.
What about all the people that you see there and then what do you do when you run into them on the street, at your workplace, in the market, and a hundred different places?
Do they come and clap you on the shoulder and say, Hi Glad to See You? or do you give each other the "look" and then turn away and just ignore that you have seen each other at the meeting? Seriously, what are your thoughts on this, please inform.

Ok, bye for now, I'm looking forward to Monday and AB, I don't think I can take it before then but that's ok because I will take it then.

love to all

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG HOUTX - CROSS POST

Oh Houtx,
I just posted and you just posted at the same time. OMG, I can't tell you how wonderful it was to read your post, to hear the enthusiasm in your voice, to see your smile in my mind's eye, to feel your feeling of renewal, to absolutely be so happy that you have done this and experienced this feeling for yourself, of being AF now for 4 days, 4 days out of many, many years!!!:l

THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY.

Now you and Dizz have just given me what I need to carry on, oh, Houtx, I'm so so happy for you, and for Dizz and for Sun that we are having this great experience.

So, I put it out there to all of you who are looking for a way, a way to cut down, a way to have some AF days, a way to climb out of this pit that we have been mired in for so long. I have to be honest and say that I don't really think the other meds, Topa, Bac, Nal, etc., etc., actually hold as much promise as Antabuse. It seems to me that the other meds do work for a time (Tope) , or they work but come with such unbearable side effects (BAC), and some of the others don't really seem to work at all.

And so here we are with the med that has been around forever, its cheap, easy to get, absolutely no side effects, the only issue to get thru is just the fear.

And you know what I think? I think it is actually that there has always been a huge STIGMA attached to Antabuse, only real drunks take it, and well, we really don't want to think of ourselves like that do we? I've come to see that it is the only way for me to have AF days and I love it.

Cheers,
Play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry, I'm a bit of a mess. My boyfriend has got it in his head that I ticked some box that the government shouldn't give him full disclosure on the visa so even though we are now at a point we could have applied for another I think we are instead breaking up. I just can't see how someone so nice and sweet can turn into such a complete paranoid asshole once every 8 months or so. It breaks my heart and I don't really want to talk to anyone else about it as I'm not sure I want to give him up. But right now he is being very bad for me. Well he has already broken up with me, calling me a manipulative bitch that is hiding information from him. No amount of talking is working so I just put a filter on my email that deletes his emails. I deserve so much better but we have built such a nice life together and I love him so much, except for me when he gets so unhappy and starts acting irrational.

Ah, Houtx, I'm so proud of you. I think if anyone read this whole thread they will agree, if you can do Antabuse, anyone can! I just mean you were so dead set against it and you have done a lovely 180, well done. You will see yourself sleeping better, being calmer with the kids nonsense, and 10 000's of health benefits. In another week or two, if you really want to lose weight quickly, look at a low GI diet, you can eat everything but you just cut white sugar and carbs.

Alcohol is probably the worst sugar there is, which is why I now have pre-diabetes. I never eat sugar and don't have a sweet tooth so this is the only way to explain it. I think thats also why I have such awful hangovers - my body goes into complete hypoglycemia the next morning. I also read that after drinking 3 beers the body runs off the sugar in the beer instead of glucose, its scary. Beer makes me incredibly fat, so when I do drink now, I mix it half half with bubbly water. It slows down the effect and cuts down on hangovers without having the fatty aftereffects of beer.

Play, I found AA and NA a saving grace after rehab and to be honest even though I went to the two closest to my house about 10 times I've never run into anyone from there. Alternatively, you could go to one thats slightly further from your house so you don't see them at the market on Saturday when you are wine shopping. AA can provide you with a great group of friends - I found that my groups were mostly over 45 whereas drugs tend to kick people's asses into submission from 20 onwards already.

I think as drinking is socially acceptable most people wait until they start experiencing health problems like me or perhaps lose a spouse or end up in jail for a DUI or something, so the AA crowd is older. Mentioning antabuse is fine but saying you drink on weekends will probably not be met with a lot of friendly smiles. You can meet wonderful people, I even had a cool sponsor and we still talk, just focus on telling them stories on what being sober means to you. Its mostly just somebody starting off with reading from the Big Blue Book (the AA book) and then its 40 minutes of people sharing. Sharing your own story can be liberating just as other times it can be nice to sit at the back and just listen.

TAW, thank goodness for downloadable TV series. I've been going through and awful load of those lately. Just filling my brain with tv instead of poisoning my body. Not the best thing to do but I try to be kind to myself. If I can get through the day and work and not drink and make dinner, then I'm allowed to just veg out with tv or a book or sometimes even tv games. Sometimes its counting days, other days are lovely and I find myself busy trying new recipes and gardening until late at night. We make the little changes as we go along. Oh and if there is a bad craving, sugar does work. I try to stick to juice when I visit my parents as they really get my emotions up and steady blood sugar does wonders

Hugs to all,

:l

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you all for the words of encourgement! :h I am overwhelmed by your instant taking me in! I have been reading for so long, I feel like I know you already.

I did take an AB yesterday. I plan on taking another on Sunday and getting some good AF time in to give the Topa a chance. And also, to have an AF weekend and some in the moment time with my son. I miss the boost of energy AL gives me, I seem to get so much more accomplished when I am drinking, but I am sure I will figure out that my washing machine and vacuum DO work when I am sober! :H

And if I don't get everything done that I need to, maybe I need to learn to give myself a break and just take some time to watch tv, or play games with my son. I don't have to have a perfect house and yard every day.

Thank you all again. Hope you are all having a good day! :l:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone ! Sorry I have been missing for a day or two - lots of stuff going on behind the scenes that has taken up my time. I am fine though.

TAW.... Welcome - sorry I wasn't around earlier - I usually am --- LOL. I am so happy that you are trying the Topa, but I do have a question. Why are you taking the Topa if Antabuse works for you? As you have read, I take AB - on a Monday but then can have a drink of the weekend. Which is so much a no-no on other parts of this site, but it works for me. And Dizzy, Linda and Houtx. I was on Topa but had to get up to a 300mg dose for it to work - at which point, depression kicked in for me.

I wish you well with it. Have no worries that Topa might not be your way out - it takes different dosages for everyone - Dizzy found it worked for her at a low dose, others need more. If you get any SE's, talk to us - most of us have experience with it. Just make sure that you follow the titration schedule properly - going up on Topa faster does NOT work !!!

Okay - WHAT do you replace drinking with? the first week I went AF I was lost..... but after that it was surprising what filled my time...... I cleaned out closets (yeah, exciting I know), I caught up on paperwork, I read and REMEMBERED what I had read, I caught up on all manner of things. If you exercise, or meditate, or whatever - it is a great time to catch up on that sort of stuff. I baked, tidied, - all manner of things that had been let go. I don't really have any hobbies - I garden but it isn't a hobby really. It is something that I love doing and this time of year, need to get really going on it.

Anyway - way to go with what you are doing. lovely to have you here. :l

Dizzy - I am SO SORRY for what is going on with b/f and you. Surely it cannot end just like that? You two are fine when you are together but when you and he are apart, this always happens. Can he come and visit you in SA? I think it is so sad for you both what is going on. I cannot believe that he thinks you would sabotage your visa in any way, shape or form. My heart goes out to what you are going through - I am so sad for you.......:l:l

Meggie - I agree with dizzy - I do not think you would have withdrawals at all. The first night of AF I find it hard to sleep - BUT having taken two melatonin the second night found that worked ! I have no withdrawals whatsoever and really don't think you will either. The AB is a great thing to do - why don't you try it just once? Houtx has done and I never thought she would .......

Houtx.... How awesome to have such a wonderful first AF week ! I am so happy that you are doing well on it. Yes, that first week IS hard - but you did better than I did the first week. And yes, you will be looking forward to your wine - but then it is a relief to take the AB the next week too. I have a root canal scheduled on Wednesday and am not sure if I am going to take my AB on Monday - I will NOT tell my dentist I am on AB so am not sure if I should take it or not..... I think it is great the way things have worked for you - e-mail WTE and tell her - we have all been trying to get her to take it too !! Once you have taken that first step, it really is mindset isn't it? GO YOU !!!!

MID - welcome !!! Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing won't you? Someone here can answer any questions that you have ..... feel free to tell us a little more about you and your situation - we are a great group here and it is good to see you.

Hi there play ..... Oh gosh - I so agree with you re the stigma attached to AB. But you know what? It really can help - we are all finding that. I do think you need to take it Monday - as I said, not sure if I will or not though. I am sorry that you have been going through so much lately - you know I am always here. It would be nice if you could find a good AA meeting near you - where I live, there is NO way - too small an area. EVERYONE knows where the AA meeting is and notices the cars there - my number plate is too specialized for me to go. I went many years ago to an AA meeting to support my dad - I didn't have a problem then but he wanted me to go with him so I did. It was a really small meeting - 8 people. But they were all really nice. Let us know if you decide to go to one. But don't mention the AB 5/7 - LOL

Space - how are things going? Has your brother been down yet? Have you talked to him? Please let us know how you are doing. Hugs to you :l:l

Well, need to get going ..... love and hugs to everyone,

Sun XXX

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Quiet here....hope everyone is well! Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

T