New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - where are you all? Hi TAW .... good to see you here anyway.

Hugs, sun XXXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, sorry ladies. I thought I was still in time-out. :H

Kidding. It has been quiet 'round these parts, though. Hope everyone's hanging in there. One of these days I should really read through closely, and actually speak to you all individually. But until then... Sheesh.

Houtx--AB? Yes? Either way, you rock.

Taw--You never cease to amaze and inspire me. You are really doing it, girl. You've made a decision and you're carrying it out, and you have a plan. That's freaking amazing. I am so proud of you. Even though that sounds so patronizing I can barely stand it. Still, I am.

Sun--how are you doing, girlfriend?

Everyone else, sorry, I'm just kinda a bastard and am not speaking to you as much as I should. But I do hope you're well. :l

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm just grumping around my lady cave watching the 'Bones' tv series in bed, refusing to get up or do anything else for a while.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HELLO WINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MmmmmmWWWWahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! lol

5 days and 18 hrs later...basically 6 days AF!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO happy!! Not just that I am drinking wine at the moment (which is exquisite, BTW - details to follow! lol) but that I went really even further than I meant to. Not to repeatpeat myself, but my last drink was around midnight last Sat. night, so counting until this moment...and except for a "taste drive" last night at 9 pm of a thimbleful of tawny port to see if I'd spew...I have been miraculously AF!!!!!!

It got better and better, friends. Last night I almost didn;t go out to dinner with friends, but one of them was taking off for a stint in Angola, so I really wanted to see him off. We were meeting at a Latin restaurant, thankfully, which doesn't go well w/ wine. All of these ppl are pretty good drinkers, except for 1 of my younger friends who declared awhile back he was not going to drink on "school nights" anymore...or basically Sun - Thurs. He has been totally resolute with that.

This kid is a kid: 25 - and made a decision and stuck with it in spite of us partiers at the monthy dinners we've done. So with this AB idea I've been harboring, I told him he was my "inspiration". Last night I calmly ordered ice water w/ lime and poured my little packet of sugar-free Margaita mix into it...everyone went nuts!! In a good way. They thought I was so funny with my "mocktail" and I gave credit to our young friend who just glowed! So I had no problem having 3 sugar-free "Mockaritas"...got home, did the math, and having read some posts elsewhere, thought maybe the AB had perhaps worn off after nearly 5 days.

So I poured a teensy (liquere?) glass of tawny port after I got home at 9, and sipped it for an hour in bed while I read and waited to see if I'd have to blow afterwards. I did not :-)) And I LOVED the deliciousness of my tawny port, that I had never really enjoyed so much before, turned out the light, and a great 5th night AF (I'm not counting that one, ok - it was a "taste-drive")

Which meant, I was confident the AB was out of my system and all systems were GO for where I am right now!! I went to the store at noon and picked up a few bottles of Clois du Bois to chill for when I got home. No "everyday" wine for me!!! LOL

I seriously could go on & on...this has really been a miracle in my life. Yes, I've been obssessing - but please, let me!! This is the only place I can :-)) I did tell my bf younger sister that I was 5-6 days AF, not that I was doing it w/ AB though. The general public (including me up until last week) really looks at this medication as the worst of the worst.

It has changed my life. 'nuff said. Of course, I say that with a delicious glass of wine in my gullet that has hit me like a full bottle has normally! I am still addicted to my habit and never really want to let it go...I hope when I (and I certainly probably will) have a bad episode, that I will snap to and get back on this wagon. It is just quite simply, not so bad!!

I am soooooooooo proud of myself!!!!! THANK YOU THANK THANK YOU Dizzy, Sunny, PLay for being so inspiring!!! But when we have a reunion, I am leaving the AB at home!!!! LOLOL- to celebrate is a great thing!!

XO

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Houtx - that is AWESOME !!!!!! You sound SO happy and thrilled and just over the moon with it all. I am so happy for you - your time out last night and saying it was 'cos of the younger chap is just wonderful - GO YOU !!!!!! I really am so pleased that the whole thing was such a success for you - and you could have carried on as long as you wanted to - it was sheer joy to read !!!!! I had a great big grin over my face by the time I was finished reading your post. I am just SO happy about how you are feeling and that it worked so well for you...... so, my next question is......

WILL YOU BE TAKING THE AB AGAIN ??????

Stuck .... not sure if you are still in time out or not ...... ask the others - LOL. And I am doing just fine thank you. A glitch or two going on but hopefully they will be sorted out - will let you know if they aren't. I do not want to upset the happy mood of this post with the stuff that is my glitch.

Dizzy - enjoy your time in your cave - we all need it at times. Enjoy ......

love and hugs, Sun XXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Gang,
I'm so really happy for the successes here on our thread, pretty amazing how much we have helped each other in REAL WAYS, it seems that we are moving in the right direction.

I'm going to get thru the weekend and take my AB on Monday, I'm pretty sick of AL every darn night but Monday is only a couple of days away and I know how good I will feel when I just swallow it down

TAW, you seem to be doing really well, I'm happy, happy. I would like to know more about you and your history if you want to share, perhaps you already did and I just missed it but I'm interested anyway.

DIZZ, I'm so sad about your Visa situation and now the tension with BF but I am very proud of you for finding your strength to set your boundries, even tho you are young you are very Wise:h and good things are bound to fill your life even more every day.

SUN, I'm not sure what is making you so down right now, I thought it was just the increased drinking but it does sound like more than that, please share with us.

SPACE, how are things there with you?

Stuck, you can come out of the corner now:H I see you are sharing the "other" stuff mostly on your own thread, haha, but please stick with us, we really enjoy the light that the introspective you gives off, you do lift us up and we love you.

Now HOUTX, my my, yes, I have read your last post several times and I am so thrilled for you, I know exactly how it feels. It's like a miracle to be like a normal person who doesn't drink most of the time and then gets to celebrate and have fun in a normal way, who cares if only drunks take AB:H:H Its helping us to be normal people, who cares about how we get there because otherwise we were never going to get there.

HOUTX, please don't be surprised when that little devil part of your mind comes out on Sunday morning or night and tells you that you don't really want to take the AB again, thats pretty much how it is and will continue to happen, the trick is to just put it in your mouth and swallow. I admit I've taken a couple of weeks off due to extreme emotional pain but Monday is only two days away now.

I've kind of stopped thinking that my brain is going to retrain itself, probably too late for that, so I'll just keep a supply of AB on hand to make my brain BEHAVE:H

Sure wish we would hear from ALLY and some others who have gone missing, I don't like to lose people, please come back.

bye for now, love you all

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi everybody

hello there, it's been a while since i've posted or spoken to diz or sun privately, just thought i'd give u an update. overall things are up and down. right now they are up...the granddaughter is out of the house for a couple of days and has taken alot of pressure off the household. i didnt drink for 2 days this week. but have been lowering my dosage of clonazepan and have so far 1/2 the total dosage is about a month and have been experiencing terrible headaches,
hopefully they will subside in time, not planning on going down any more for a whiile. still takeing 75mg topa..... just taking it slow right now until the clonazepan has a chance to catch up....then maybe i will increase in topa a little and try to begin again with af....stress has alot to do with my alchol problem. if i could get rid of the granddaughter for good it would be great, she is a pathological liar, a sneak, disrespectful, (she is not mine, she is the husbands) is 16....skipps school regularly, can't stand her...don't know if he will give up on her yet, i wish he would...just having my house back to MY FAMILY this week was unbelieveable...anyway, "SuN" and Dizzy, i have been reading your stories and my heart goes out to both of you, you both were there for me, you are in my prayers and my thoughts, you are both my heros, so strong! Stay that way. You will overcome.....Bug

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there Bug and Play .... good to see you both.

Bug - sorry about the trouble you are having with your grand daughter - it must be very difficult for you. Why does she live with you and hubs? Can she not live with her parents? Or are there any other relatives that can help out? I understand you wanting the house to just family - YOUR family. Hugs to you..... :l

Good to hear that you are still on the 75 mg of topa - and also weaning off the clonazepan - sorry about the headaches though - maybe you need to go slower on the clonazepam reduction? Have you googled to see if that can be a SE of going down?

Thanks for your thoughts - I really am fine - my M-I-L was taken to hospital yesterday but she is fine now - they aren't sure what it was but she is 86 or so so it was a real worry when we got the call. Hubs also freaks when anything is wrong with her which is very stressful for me - but as I said, things are fine now.

Hi there play - hope everything goes well today - I am thinking of you at your walk...... it is good to see you here again - I know that you have been going through as lot these past couple of weeks and so understand the not taking the AB. good for you though to take it again on Monday - I am still not sure if I will or not 'cos of my root canal on Wednesday. I am NOT telling my dentist I am on AB.

Yes, we are having some success here on our thread aren't we? Thanks to all of us here - I do feel this is like an extended family here and thank you all for your support ALWAYS.

Play - I am fine - really I am. If there was anything major trust me, I would share - but it is just life I think right now - little things all added together. I am fine - really.

Okay - going crazy here - I bought a back up hard drive (external) for my PC and everytime I try to register the thing which i have to do to use it, it just takes me to a page where they want me to buy something - infuriating so I have e-mailed them and they will get back to me within 24 hours !! SIGH. They never make anything easy do they?

well, I am going to go and clean out my fridge. It needs doing badly. back later - love and hugs to all,

sun XXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all. Would be popping in more if I had anything to talk about other than what got me put in time-out in the first place. :H

Seriously, though, just trying to hang in there. My semester is over, with the small exception of grading final papers next weekend. So I'd sort of thought that I'd ease my way off of this bender, after some massive anxiety last week, and yesterday even, but last night shot all of that to hell. So I guess I'll just drink my way through Cinco de Mayo and see where things stand after that.

In case anyone is following, the Ativan supply is running low--finally--but I'm now up to 80mg on bac. So I guess the plan is still--if there ever was a plan--to keep going up until I get to a point where withdrawal is not an issue, and that way whether I sort the drinking out or not at least I won't be having to drink constantly, or face those hellish withdrawal afternoons.

Hope everyone is having a good one! Oh, and I'll be updating my thread a bit later, for anyone who does want to hear about threesomes. (Kidding. Kind of.)
:l:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

StuckinLA;1501246 wrote: Hey all. Would be popping in more if I had anything to talk about other than what got me put in time-out in the first place. :H

ROTFLMBO STUCK !!!! You did make me smile which I need right now !!

I laughed so much about you being in time out - do you have a special chair ?????

How high of a dosage did you get on Bac before? When it gave you issues? I am sending lots of positive thinking your way ....

My M-I-L is back at the hospital - worrying to say the least. I am waiting to hear from hubs about what is going on.

Love and hugs, sun XXX

[Cleansed]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hope on the Rise

New here. Just saw my doctor and he said he will probably give me Topamax after he researches it further, so I'm excited that I will get some help. I'm a little scared, but I really want to moderate and lose weight. Hop I feel well with the Topa. Anyone on it? How did you feel in the beginning?:new:

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo Cleansed.... and welcome to the thread. So good to have you here. Most of us here have taken, or are taking Topa - it can really work well for you !! PLEASE take the titration schedule with you to your doctor - I did and he was super !! Worked out how many I needed of which strength! It really can work ......

NO need to feel scared - and also do not expect to lose weight with it. Some of us do, but some don't. I think it is 17% that do. If you need to lose weight and you are one of the ones that it works with, then consider it a bonus. I am one that doesn't need to lose it but did. WTE also had to stop it 'cos of losing weight. You really need to follow the titration schedule with the Topa - don't think if you go up faster it will be better - it doesn't work that way.

If you care to share a little more about you, that would be good - if not that is fine too. We are a great bunch here with lots of Topa experience behind us. Any questions - ask away - someone will be along to answer your question.

Again, welcome to our thread - lovely to have you here.

Hugs, sun XX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Glad I could help, Sun! So to answer your question(s): I made it as high as 240mg/day, and that's right around the "switch" for me. I really did not drink, did not think about drinking, and if by accident, which was once, a waiter brought me a margarita like everyone else at the table, when I'd actually ordered a diet coke, it would take me the entire dinner to drink it and I wouldn't even finish it.

Anything over 150mg/day starts giving me real problems, though. And there are times when even lower doses kind of suck, with the tiredness and insomnia, and I get this leg issue which is already reappearing. But whatever. Bac is second only to valium for AL withdrawal--with valium being preferred because it knocks out the anxiety quicker. So if you're taking enough bac everyday, it's kind of like constantly treating AL withdrawal, which is really good for me.

:welcome: Cleansed. Don't mind me. I'm not on topa or anything, I just show up here every once in a while to cause trouble.

:l:l

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello again all -

Bug - your step-granddaughter sounds like a nightmare. I have several students being "raised" by G-parents for whatever reasons. Kids this age should be starting to outgrow their rebellion, but clearly she still has issues. Depending on what the deal is with her parents, I applaud you for taking her in. Maybe you can find a way to build a trust and relationship with her if she will be with you for any length of time...not knowing the particulars. She may be just a hater for all the injustices she sees in her life. Good luck with that - UGH, I totally sympathize!!

Welcome Cleansed! You are probably wondering WTH is going on on this thread...we are all over the place!! But most of us came here b/c of TOPA and stayed b/c of the great relationships we've built. Hope that you find a home here as well. Like Sun said, TOPA does work for alot of ppl...hope so too for you! You've got to find your dose as you titrate up...best of luck!! I hope you won't be too put off by some of our posts on here who are on to other things. We've gone thru so much together...just know that you can post here whatever you want and we will all rally 'round and comment and answer whatever questions you have.

HA! That sounds a bit arrogant of me perhaps...I do not pretend to be an original on this thread or "own" it in any way. Just one of the ones who posts my stuff and finds support. Hoping to extend the same!

Stuck - you are so funny!! You were NOT in time out, you silly boy! Just slapped on the wrist, hankie waved in front of our faces in mock-embare bare...keep the stories coming!! You remind me of the character in the Charles Bukowski novel made-movie w/ Faye Dunaway many years ago. Dang!! Who is that bad-boy actor: Mickey Rourke!! You remind me of him in that movie? Haha!!

So last night was great - except my dear lovely daughter decided to come home!! I was sooooooooooo looking forward to drinking as much wine as I wanted...and I did. Just wanted to be happily alone & not have to TRY and behave!! UGH - so of course, the wine really hit me and I was tipsy/drunk. I honestly didn't care and told her I was having a stronger reaction after 6 days AF. Tonight am moderating better & do not plan to go overboard like I accidently did last night.

Yes, I am definitely taking AB again...trying to decide if I will this week as I have a couple of things going on where I'd normally drink. I really don't want to lose momentum, so thinking what I will do...also thinking I want to have my Sunday wine as well. I missed it more than anything else last weekend. I also think 125 mg of AB is gone after 4 days...so maybe I will take it Monday a.m. and have another week AF in spite of the things I have on the calendar. I will be AF, like my young friend who does it anyway Sun-Thurs.

It's aw good!! Hopefully alls well w/ the rest of you!
XXXOOO

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx you are a dear! Barfly was a great movie! I've actually hung out at one of the bars in the opening credit scene. It's great, there's karaoke run by this tiny Taiwanese woman whe screams into the microphone, demanding tequila shots from customers, until she is too drunk to actually administer the karaoke in any kind of meaningful way, and just starts forcing people to sing whatever songs she wants to play. And then one of the regulars will eventually take the mic away from her and run the whole thing himself.

Bukowski was really pissed about that movie, actually, because he felt that Rourke seemed "too happy" and portrayed the character as "too optimistic." Another good bukowski adaptation is Factotum. Matt Dillon plays an excellent bukowski, and it's on Netflix instant.

I will keep some of the stories coming. But you're more than welcome to read all about my exploits in my thread, you know.