New here and starting Topa and with a question

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone, want to say thanks for all your heartfelt notes and insight and encouragement in general that we all benefit from

Dizz, I recently had a Red Velvet Cupcake and it has become my favorite cake, I never had it before, now I want to homemake them, can you share your recipe? Thanks, XXX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space - I'm so sorry I missed the seriousness of your previous posts that everyone has commented on. Later, though, it sounded like you were better. I apologize for missing your message - I feel kinda stupid for that...applauding you for posting when you were actually so down.

Once again, your posts make so much sense and speak to the heart of where we all are...namely, in different places. Thanks for your speaking to the heart of different kinds of drinking, AND sobriety. You make so much sense. I apologize for not being sensitive to your posts. I don't know how to respond to everyone on here & find it hard to do time-wise. Anyway, hope you are still doing fine overall...Thanks again for your wisdom!!

Gotta go - I was AF for 3 days this week & happy happy I can have my wine and the AB did its trick for 2-3 days. I'm still experimenting, but thinking taking 125 mgs or half a tab on Monday is done by Wed. evening. It was that way for me, girls. I had 6 days AF last week & 3 days this week. I am sooooooooo down with taking AB but also realizing it is not as scary or as strictly aligned as previously thought.

'nuff said for now. I am proud of myself, and still going for more. YAY - weekend in sight!! Happily sipping wine last night and for the next few...until Monday when I again plan to take AB probably for just a 3 day stint.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Houtx,
I think four days after taking the AB is a better and more safe plan, why push it? Don't take the risk of any kind of interaction that might not be apparent. From my research, 1/2 the pill should safely go for Monday thru Friday, that allows the body to safely metabolize it before drinking again. You might be able shorten it, but what about the physical effects then and psychological effects, I think we have to take some bit of responsibility here at some point, or why take it at all.
Houtx, why push it? Take it for what it is worth and enjoy the other two days,otherwise you are really just pushing the Envelope to see what you can get away with, and that goes beyond the beauty of the plan and is not playing fair, what do you think?

XXX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - well, yesterday came home from work early feeling dreadful - had chills and sweats and all my teeth were hurting! Thought I had an infection setting in - anyway after a good nights sleep, I feel back to normal again! Thank goodness.

Space - so sorry about the young girl - anorexia can be a killer - maybe it was to do with that. anyway I am so sorry to hear about it. That must have been so upsetting for you. Thank you for all your insight into all the drinking and the AB - I don't feel you have ever said anything negative about it to us, you just say it as you feel - which i think we all do. yes, I too was a tad worried when I saw that Houtx had been drinking just three days after taking it - I don't think I could do that - would be too worried about what it was doing inside. But in my head, any AF days are good.

Houtx - I really would try and wait at least one more day before drinking after taking the AB on a Monday - at least until Thursday. Just my opinion of course..... I am so happy that you are taking it and that it is working !

Stuck - I hope that your idea of trying with the beer works for you. I think quite a few people try it that way and it does seem to work - you just have to be strong and not buy any spirits.

Taw - you are sounding quite frustrated.... give the topa time and eventually it does work - I thought it would NEVER work for me. Then all of a sudden it did and I was 8 months AF on it. In the meantime I admire you for taking the AB too - you are one strong lady!

Hi there Play - hope that you are feeling better now? I know you are going through your own struggles. Love and hugs to you :l:l

Dizzy - so hope that you enjoyed your baking. I love carrot cake with cream cheese frosting ! Hope it all went well with your mum - is she feeling any better? I so feel for you with your whole situation and not knowing really what is going on.

Hi there Bug - how is the increase on the Topa going? You asked about cravings when we are on the topa - the first few days I don't have any - which is weird I know, but it is as if my body just KNOWS it can't drink - by Weds I start thinking about it and I have to admit, by Thursday, yes I will wish I could have a guinness - but the first few days, no, no cravings. I just know I can't drink!

I am pleased for you that your g/d has moved back in with her mum - that must be a relief for all of you. it must be hard to see her the way she is - you wish you could do something to help, but they have to live their own life, as we have done ours. Anyway - at least things have quietened down for you. now you can concentrate on getting you better !!

I need to get ready for work ... take care everyone, hugs to all,

love, sun XX

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning Everyone, so much to read.
Dizz, hope your mom's birthday celebration goes well, and hope you get some closure one way or another with bf, i hate being in limbo in relationships.!!
Sun glad your root canal is over, my hubby had one yesterday as well, hope you recover soon and you are feeling better emotionally also!!
space so sorry to here about the death of the young girl you knew of, that is so sad, what a waste of a beautiful young life and loss of a mother for her daughter.. I also hope you are feeling better emotionally, please go to your counselor or talk here, don't think those bad thoughts, believe me, i did exactly that in Oct., overdosed while drunk, my kids found me, took me to the emergency room, they couldnt wake me, i was in intensive care for a week, 4 days before i finally woke, then i went to the loony bin for a week before i came home , devistated my family, especially my 22 yr old son who picked me up and carried me to the car, he is ooober sensitive, sais he still has nightmares about it.
anyway, just know that it is not worth it, like my mother used to always tell me when my kids were little and i was soooooo stressed out, this day tooo will pass
as for as this topa, i just don't know, i started the 100mg yesterday, i am still drinking just as much, i get the topa dopa affect, and the cotton mouth , i can't stand it....i want to know more about the AB
is it prescribed by a doctor or do you get it on the internet? i'm not sure my psyc will give it to me, he
is very conservative. but i would love to be able to be clean all week and then enjoy the weekend...
i just really don't think i want to stop drinking, i don't know what to do. bug

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Don't want to mess with anyone psychologically or anything, but I do worry a bit about you taking AB between drinking days. I know it seems to be working for you guys, to get up the motivation to take the pill, and then that off "switch" in the decision-making process for the week. I mean, I can kind of understand how that would be a relief, knowing you don't have to think about it for the week, but still can have your reward come the weekend.

Only thing is that AB is also pretty hard on the liver--one of life's great ironies. So I just want it out there as something to think about. I actually try to be pretty nice on my liver (aside from drinking :H), and for that reason don't take anything with acetaminophen in it. So perhaps at the very least you might also consider taking Milk Thistle? It really does work.

OK--sorry, just wanted to say all that. As for me, well, sure, didn't get "too" drunk on the beer. Last night went to the bar to watch a hockey game, did get kind of drunk on beer and tequila shots, and then a little more beer here at home. So... I guess the answer is no. No it did not work.

Feeling pretty foggy and off-balance with the bac SEs. Plus the drinking. Plus the Ativan for anxiety. And plus sort of experimenting with the neurontin to see if that helps at all with mood/anxiety/leg pain. It might, but then that's just one more thing in the mix. So for better or worse, I'm going to stick to 100mg on the bac today, tell whiskey-girl I cannot hang out, and try my damnedest for an AF day. In fact, an AF weekend would be super helpful, so at my next doc appt. on Monday we could see where my blood pressure "really" is, instead of going in all hung over like I've been doing to pretty much every doc appt. for the past forever.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - home from work and hit my knee REALLY hard on a metal bin today -wondered if I had actually broken it at first as I felt sick and saw stars - it is really painful but I can walk .... so it must be okay! I have been icing it which I hope will help.

Stuck - thank you for your concern - I understand where you are coming from re the AB and then drinking on the weekend - the milk thistle is a good idea - I do have some (I think) so will start taking it. next time I go to my doc I will ask for a liver panel blood workup just to check all is okay. not sure when i will see her next - any excuse NOT to go...she and I don't exactly see eye to eye - LOL.

Sorry you are not feeling too swift re the Bac - yes, it sounds like a plan to try for an AF day - or weekend if you can manage it.

Hi Bug - hope that your hubs did better after his root canal than I did mine. i still don't know if I felt so rough from the root canal or from the valium - I haven't had it (the Valium) before so had no idea how it would affect me. All I know is that when I woke up today I felt GREAT. And then I knew how terrible I had felt the day before.

I am so sorry for what you went through and what your son went through - hopefully that will never happen again..... we are always here for you in one way or another :l Please don't worry about the Topa not having any effect yet - it didn't for me either for ages - but it did eventually ! Just 'cos it hasn't yet doesn't mean it isn't going to - it suddenly DOES ! Some folk have to get up to a much higher dose for it to work. Others are lucky in that it works at a lower dose. the AB you can either get on-line or from your doctor - but IF you take it, you CANNOT drink - so if you had some would you be okay with that? You can seriously get really ill - even die if you do drink on it. It is something to think about before you pop that first tab......

I need to go and ice my knee again - really aching. Back later everyone - love and hugs to all,

love, sun XXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone

Stuck I think its a good idea to take milk thistle, in fact we could all take it together it dosnt do any harm and is good for the liver so even tho Im not drinking I would give it a go as well, when I get some money next week I will get some, who else want to join in.

Also as you said Sun getting our liver checked out is always a good idea, Im not sure how long it is since I have had my bloods done but I will be seeing my gp next week so will try to remember to ask him then. Its a good safety idea I think for everyone who drinks or has drank in the past, especially the ones of you who are also taking AB although you take such a tiny amount I doubt it would have any effect really.

Stuck Im sorry but I did have to laugh when you said you try to be nice to your liver, then told us about the tequilla shots lol. by the way having tequilla shots with the beer doesnt count as beer drinking, I think you have mentioned before something about the bar you go to having an offer on if you get both so if you like that and cant resist yet Im not sure what you can do about it. Keep to only buying beer for home tho as a starting point. Also you can mix lemonade in it and make a shandy, just a bit at first but then as you go on you can add more lemo to make the beer last longer.

Houxt its already been said but I dont want you to say f*** it and not bother trying, besides if you can do 3 days whats one or two more, you still have the weekend to look forward to drinking on. think about it x

Hi Play glad to see you posting again I have been so worried about you,my daughter was asking if I still talk to you and I have to say yes I do but not nearly enough, I havent been a very good friend to you or sun really have I. sorry x I should get in touch more

Bug you said that you really dont want to stop drinking yet you come on here and take topa so a part of you must want to stop otherwise you wouldnt even try. I understand the confusion and mixed feelings you are probably having you know the damage drinking does to you but for some reason want to carry on, I think its because the drink is stopping you thinking clearly and the cravings even when you dont drink make it so hard, or even damn near impossible. As Sun says carry on with the topa it takes time and patience but it does help a lot when it starts working you will really notice a difference.

I have had a very tiring day, I went to the fibromyalgia clinic at the hospital today, the hospital is in a very busy part of town and quite a distance away from me. On the way there I was so anxious I didnt even know where I was and could not think of how to get there, even tho I have been dozens of times in the past, its a good job I have a sat nav or I would never have got there. The group was ok although it was 2 hours long but seemed much longer, I had to do some test exercises like standing up from a chair and sitting back down and getting up again and counting how many times I could do it over so many minutes. It hurt at the time but when I got home this evening it was really bad, so was my leg I could barely stand and had to come to bed. Its a good job dinner was frozen oven chips and nuggets there was no way I could have stood to cook a proper meal again. That is becomming increasingly difficult to do anyway.

Apart from that things are much the same, got to go as Im falling asleep trying to type this

space x

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,
Hey Bug, don't be impatient with the Topa, it is very subtle and also has quite an effect even if it is not always felt for some time, it is really very effective, I would still be taking it except that I made too many mistakes at work.

Space, oh don't worry about thinking you are a good friend, of course you are a very close friend to me, I wish we lived closer I would have already shown up at your front door I think we are all doing the best that we can here and are very good friends so don't discount that. And I so feel for you with the extent of your pain, I know that it wears you down and is very tiring.

I haven't posted much about what is going on with me lately because I don't have much energy right now. But I do want to share and not worry you all too much, so my daughter here has been engaged for awhile, in the relationship for only one year, it has in the last few months turned into a seriously abusive relationship. He goes into a jealous rage over her "past" life, before she ever knew him, she of course still loves him, but when I say abusive I mean it in the worst way, he is psychologically destroying her. I can only do so much and I live an hour and a half away on the train. I've been trying to keep my energy up so that I can help her raise her energy to see beyond this and that he is not a person she would want to spend her life with even if she does love him. He repeatedly goes into a rage and then storms out breaking up with her and being away for a week at a time, sending her hundreds of text messages about how she has betrayed him (?) and how he can't marry someone like her. She is having trouble functioning and going to work and this is a new job that she has only been at for a few months, its a great job in her career field but he might destroy it for her. The sad part is she is unable to see that this is not her fault and just tell him yes, that it is over. For me, it is almost unbearable to hear her crying hysterically several times a day and when she tells me the absolutely dispicable things he is saying to her it is almost too much for me. After I talk to her, trying to remain calm, I then cry and cry and now have an overwhelming anxiety that just won't go away, that is why I didn't take my AB for a week. I'm just praying for us to get thru this, I really don't know how I can continue to see her suffering so terribly and yet of course I have to be here for her. I put off my trip to see my mother for mother's day because I didn't want to be so far away, and I will be going to Spain the first part of June and I so hope this will be better by then. One bright spot is that my son passed this year of nursing school and in one more year he will be an RN, I'm so happy for him as he has also had a very tough life regarding losing children and relationships.

Ok, well, I know there is nothing I can do except be here to support my daughter but its been very trying for me. My children are really the shining lights of my life and mean everything to me just as they do to all parents.

Space and Stuck, the milk thistle sounds like a good idea, I'd like to join in but I'm so awful at taking supplements. Its all I can manage to take my All One in a shake most days, it is pretty much beyond me to take other supplements. I'm also thinking that the tiny bit of AB we take only one time a week really shouldn't have too much effect. I'm sure whatever damage my liver has is from all my years drinking rather than taking an AB once a week, but I know its good to be careful, but if we actually were careful we wouldn't be drinking almost every day I guess.

well, bye for now, gonna watch Friday Night Lights and try to escape the pain for the night.
love, XXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx, hope you aren't upset at me, I just care about you.

Taw, I didn't mean to overlook you, I found your post interesting regarding that you think your brain feels that Topa is a "hall pass" to drink and will work better if you take the AB and are AF. I think these two medications are two kind of totally different ways to go about curbing our drinking. Yes, the AB does immediately make you AF for however long you continue to take it where as the Topa is just something that you take and have patience and give it time to work. When it does start to make itself known is the very important time to "listen" to it's very subtle voice and help it along by letting it do its job, you will know what I mean when you experience it. Don't be too hard on yourself when you overdo it, just pick yourself up and it is a new day to try again, be kind to yourself, in fact we all need to practice being kind to ourselves.

love, XXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Play, I am so glad that you have said what is wrong but sorry that your daughter is in such a bad relationship but cant see it. it must be agonising for you to watch her getting hurt by this guy and not being able to help her. As far as I can see there is not very much you can do about it while she still loves him and believes itwill work out ok exept be there for her to listen and comfort her and her her pick up the pieces when teings are going wrong for her. I am sorry I cant be more useful than that, also even though I only worke up about 1/2 hour ago I am now struggling to type so need to go. will talk more later but please take good care of yourself ply and still go to spain whatever is happening.

space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone and Happy Mother's day to those of you that it applies to !!

Space - I am sorry that your fibromyalga is so painful for you - does the place that you go to help at all? How many other folk are there? Does anyone have any hints or tips that could help?

Play - I am glad that you have shared about your daughter - I so feel for what you are going through though - there is nothing worse than seeing our children hurt when there is nothing that we can do except be there for them. I know how much you love her and must be hurting SO much. Apart from your daughter, how are you feeling now that your surgery is a while ago? Are you all healed?

Dizzy, Taw, Stuck, Bug - how are you all doing? Pop in and post and let us know.

I am off outside to the garden today - weeding and planting. My knee is much better and where I hit it doesn't affect me kneeling thank goodness!

Hugs to all, Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Not many peeps posting

Houxt are you ok please post I am worried about you

I went to the fibro clinic on Friday and they had us doing these bloody exercises, one in particular sitting down then standing up, up and down for so many minutes, not log but since then I have been in so much pain I really cant describe, I have not even been able to stand up long enough to cook or anything. I am now feeling so ill with it as well I cant believe they thought it right to push me so much and will go back on Friday but will be tellin g them what happened and refusing to do that again, I know it is a standard physio therapist exercise but its not one Im going to do again.

space x

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi

My party and cakes went well but I'm still looking for a better red velvet cupcake recipe, Play, this one wasn't quite re enough, perhaps too little coloring, perhaps too much cocoa.

Looks like a lot of us are in pain here, exhept for me being heartsore I now have an upset stomache and fell on my tailbone on our mossy patio on Thursday so have had a very sore back and butt since then So the trifecta of pain: heart, stomachn and butt

Speak tomorrow when hopefully 2 out of 3 will be better.

XOX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello all -

Hope everyone is feeling better soon - physically & emotionally! Happy Mother's Day, too!

Quick post for me. I am fine! Thanks for the advice & all, I am being cautious and careful, and will continue to do so. I also don't think the small doses we are taking of AB pose any real harm to our livers that hasn't already been done! But it's something to be aware of for sure.

My son gradauated cum laude from college yesterday!! That was fun - both kids home for the weekend now. I have 4 more weeks to go at my school. UGH - it's out later and starts earlier this year. Trying to get through. But I'm ok, good really. Plan to take the 1/2 tab AB tomorrow and get 3 AF days in again. That's the plan at least -

Hope all gets better for everyone! I'm so in the mood for cake now! lol