New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

CAKE sounds yummy - back to the garden - I am SO enjoying myself out there !!!!

Love and hugs XXXXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I wish you could come and do my garden as well sun, it is such a mess with my not bing able to do anything. I am also dreading the thought of the whole year now trying to get my sons to mow the lawn for me. thats why Ive always done everything myslef, it was easier to than trying to get the kids to do it.

Houxt glad you posted and good luck for another three days without drink. You probably are right about the tiny amount of AB, it is only half a tablet, and correct me if Im wrong but I thinkit was just guessed at to take that for a week I dont think there would be any official guidelines on it.

Up in the middle of the night again

space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning !! had a wonderful day yesterday out in the garden - got lots done - and Space, I would love to come and do your garden too - I really enjoy getting out there and playing in the dirt!

Sorry you were up in the middle of the night again - I probably will be tonight as I will be taking my AB today so might not sleep well tonight. I will take two melatonin as that seemed to help last time ..... I just dread that first night AF and maybe not sleeping.

Houtx - hope that you had a good weekend with the children and congrats on your son !!

Dizzy - so sorry about your fall - hope that you get to feeling less sore in all aspects soon !! That must have been so painful for you.....

I need to get going to work. Play - how are you? I am a tad worried about you as I know that you are going through so much with your daughter :l Please let us know you are okay -missed 'chatting' with you yesterday!

Hugs to all, Love, sun XX

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Happy Belated Mother's Day! :h

I just need to vent for a minute...I know that is a process. And to take an AA phrase, progress not pefection, but when will I learn? I was fairly well behaved Friday and then just a complete trainwreck Saturday. My son came home yesterday and we spent a lazy day watching movies and playing with the dog. I did not drink. I knew that if I did, I would feel better then, but worse today, but today I am still anxiety ridden and beating myself up.

I did not get anything done yesterday so now I need to rush home, as much as I can in rush hour traffic, get to the grocery store, pick up dog poop, cut the grass, get laundry done, and get my son between baseball practice, fed, homework and then to scouts. All the while, if I decide to be sober tonight, not too crabby, or if I drink, not too much.

I did not take the AB yesterday. I don't know why, being AF, was pretty easy yesterday, and today, seems like it might be too, as of right now.

Perhaps I just need to realize, once and for all, that any amount of AL just is not in the cards for me. That AF all the time is how I need to be.

Ok, sorry, that vent was longer than a minute. I am just really frustrated with myself. I know I need to give the topa time to work. I know I need to be kind and forgiving to myself. I am just tired of this all. It is exhausting after all these years! :upset:

Deep breath...better now.

Thank you all for being here. Hope you all are doing well on this Monday and have a good week!!! :l:l

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello Everyone, hope everyone had a wonderful mothers day, mine was up and down, the kids were great, hubby was a jerk. He is blaming me for granddaughter moving out, blaming my drinking. I think he enjoys shaming me especially in front of my kids. It's my fault though, if i didn't drink i wouldnt have this shame.
I have to learn to be strong, I think the topa does help with the cravings, but am just drinking out of habit and want and weakness. I hate the se of the topa, do they ever get better?
Well its almost 11 on monday and haven't done a thing, need to pulll myself together and get going. Thanks for listenting, your all great.. bug

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bug, I am so sorry hubs is not more supportive of your efforts to try and cut down/quit drinking! We are here for you! you are not weak, you are making efforts to get better.

All the best!
T

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So I have been reading Jason Vale's "Kick the Drink...Easily" and while I know it is just a propaganda book, he does make a very good point that really struck me.

That it is the fear of never being able to drink again that prevents us (me) from stopping. The feeling of missing out on something, feeling deprived...does this resonate with anyone else? Is this what prevents you from stopping also?

Just wondering...it has been on my mind all day.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

That's kind of the same thing in going on in Gillian Riley's Stop Smoking and Stay Stopped For Good. It's this idea of wanting something that we can't or shouldn't have that gets you, according to her. So the point is to as calmly as possible tell yourself "you know what, I do desire a cigarette, and I could have one, with x, y, and z consequences, but it's for those reasons that I don't want one." And then you just need to get comfortable with the fact that you'll always desire a cigarette, and get comfortable with the desire itself.

Sounds similar, right? The can't and shouldn't feelings of being trapped are pretty powerful, and lead to breaking out either through simple rebellion or the desperation of escape.

Now, I'm smoking right now, so you can tell I haven't tried any of this, but it does make sense to me. It's the reason I, personally, would never take an AB. The fear of being trapped is so big with me, that I have a much better time of thinking "go ahead if you want, but you don't really want to." If that makes sense.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DIZZ,
I so hope you are recovering from your bad fall, I know it takes some time for the tailbone injury to heal, so please take it easy.

To All, yes, the part of thinking that we can never have another drink again, I think is a huge part of the challenge of abstaining, but maybe looking at it in the way that it is our choice if we have a drink or not kind of makes a difference and the AB for me seems to give me that knowing in my mind that at the end of a few days, I have the choice of weather or not to have a drink and how much, and the other days I don't need to stress over it, does that make sense? For me it seems to work at least for now.

I'd like to post more but I don't have much mental or psych energy right now to do it. I thought about starting my Zoloft again but now that I've finally stopped taking it I don't want to start again. I've scheduled two sessions with the amazing therapist that my daughter works with in Spain, so I'm anticipating some relief in a few weeks.

Love to everyone here, I do read every day and keep up, you are all in my heart and prayers:h and hope that all the moms here had some joy in cherishing your day hopefully with family.

XXX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

That's so it, I also am afraid of the AB because I don't want to have the retrictions. I don't want to be told I can't have that drink or cig. It took me about 5 years to quit. Now, it is easier because you can't smoke in many places. When I first started teaching we could smoke in the school.
I did quit smoking, it is so hard being an addict. I don't want to be different, I only drink at home but would love to go out with those on a Friday to have a drink. I can't, oh, well. It was a nice Mother' Day.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bug - gee, how do I put this...your husband is an ASSHOLE!! What is he on??!! You should not put up with that abuse!! He cannot continue to blame you for everything negative he does not want to take responsibility for! Please stand up for yourself, dig your heels in and tell him to SHUT the FUCK UP!!! No more abuse!!!! His grandaughter probably left because of him being an ASS!!! Gee whiz - stand up to him, gf!! You do not drink enough to deserve this much wrath. PLEASE stand up and fight for yourself. He seriously sounds mentally off - can you leave?? Will he?? Y'all need a break from each other. For you to be TRYING to cut down, taking meds, and him being so obtuse and mean...SCREW his shit!!

Whew - there! GAWD, not even my own ex-husband was that mean, and he wanted (and still does) want to blame me for every stress/panic/depression attack and off mood our kids have. I come from a family of nuerotic/psychotics...he just has the alcoholism gene. The two of us were pretty stable overall...yet he liked to blame me, or at least those were the innuendos. I just get incensed when others are blamed irrationally for everything b/c we have "a few" glasses of whatever.

Anyway - sorry if I offended, Bug, but you should be your own advocate and stand up to your bullying husband. Ok?!

Meggie - good to hear from you. I typically drink at home too, but can handle being in public.

All others I haven't mentioned by name - keep posting. I so look forward to seeing y'all here. I did not pop the AB today. I kinda forgot until late afternoon, and just didn't feel like it this week. I liked being on it, know I can do it, and will again, but probably taking this week off.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Me here..... gosh Houtx - you certainly tell it like you see it don't you? I understand where you are coming from, but they have been married for over 30 years..... I have too. it isn't as easy to just leave when you have been together that long. YES, Bug does need to stand up to her husband but I understand where she is coming from too. I felt for her in your post.

I am sorry if I have said something I shouldn't - but wow, that really was some post!

Bug - I half agree with houtx - it is NOT your fault and it is NOT your shame - we have a disease - this isn't something we do for fun !!! Your hubs needs to try and get his head around that!!! You do NOT choose to drink - we cannot help it - it is easy for him to say. Alcoholics really do have a hard time trying to sort this - and I say good for you for trying - and he needs to try and understand that.

Meggie - the only reason you would take the Ab is because you NEED the restrictions. That is why we take it. If you don't want to be told that you can't drink - simple - don't ever take AB. Do you really want to stop? It IS your choice in that the AB would stop you. For a few days at least. If you aren't sure then AB is not for you.

Stuck - I have never heard of Gillian Rileys smoking book. I am always open to suggestions and will check it out.

Taw - I didn't like the Jason Vale book - I preferred the Alan Carr one - Jason Vale worked with Alan Carr and when Alan Carr died, Jason Vale brought out his own version. The Carr one really resonated with me and I KNOW that if I was serious about stopping smoking then I need to get my Carr book out again .....SIGH

I am feeling pretty fed up right now - nothing in particular - just the drinking and the smoking. I don't feel it will ever end. I am not even sure I should say this as I always try to be upbeat and what I just said is anything but. I think I need to go - I need to get to bed anyway.

Love and hugs to you all,

love, sun XXX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all, I'm reading and keeping you all in my heart, I just don't have the energy to post right now, I'm just too sad and barely keeping the basics together. Will come back in a day or two if there's any new news.
:l

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh man, Dizz. Stay strong and hang in there, sister. Thinking about you. :l

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dizz, hang in there! Sending many :l and good and happy vibes your way!

Sun, I am feeling the same way! Will this roller coaster ever end????

I do have a topa SE question...does topa increase anxiety?

Hang in there all!! :h