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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Oh Dizzy Im sorry you feel so sad, have you split up with the bf, can you try and spend some time with your friends to help you through this, also you know we are your friends on here but your real life ones can make you a cup of tea and bring cake and give hugs cant they, would that be at all possible. You know you can post on here whenever you need to so maybe you could just get everyhting out on here if it would help, kind of like taking your shit to the therapist to get it off your chest. xx

    Sun you seem down as well, I want to give you a big hug and tell you what a special person you really are.

    Taw its so long since I read the Jason Vale book but remember that I did think he was a bit of an arrogant jerk but there where bits of it that made some sense to me. I do agree tho with the idea that we can never drink again makes it so much more difficult to stop, it did for me I just thought I didnt want to stop really and there was no way I wanted to see my future without drink in it, I thought I would miss out on way too much and wasnt prepared to give that up. If I tried now tho to list the good things about drinking I dont think the list would be very long, especially if I only put the stuff that it has actually given me not the stuff I fantasised about, in fact thinking about it I cant think of one thing to put on the list that is good about drinking. We all must know how many bad things there are tho otherwise we wouldnt be on here in the first place wanting to change. I d How is the topa working for you I cant remember but are you still drinking or have you stopped.

    Hi Houxt Im not sure how things are going for you, what is your end goal with the drinking do you know, to cut down but drink each evening, just drink socially, stop, you sound a bit undecided just now, did you forget the pill or did you just want the seek off, or forget the pill then think oh thats it now Im a few hours late so I may as well miss it alltogether? x

    Bug well done for carrying on trying, you are doing well. I have not been married for anything like as long as you have but think it would be normal to go through rough patches so maybe try to ride this one through and base your relationship more on how you have been together over the past few years. You are right tho in the reasons for your drinking being habit and want, the weakness is caused by the addiction but you are not weak at all because you are dealing with it. Hopefully you will get better at sorting out the habit and want as your craving lessen more. x

    Im still the same, life full of problems and shit and pain but have no intention of drinking. Last night I had a bad night was waking up around every hour of less and getting up although I didnt want to, then this morning I awoke from a horrible dream that I was drinking, I had a headache and thought it was a hangover and then saw it was 10.30 so I panicked even more thinking I must of been drinking because I had missed getting my son up and he was off school so I went to his room and he wasnt there, by now I was in total panic, I kind of knew I had been dreaming but the evidence ie the hangover and missing son pointed to my having been drinking, then my eldest son asked me if I had enjoyed my lie in, he had got up and got my youngest off to school so that mystery was solved, I was dreaming and after I had my cup of coffee the headache went. I hate it when I wake up like that feeling like Ive got a hangove and that Ive been drinking when I havent at all. It doesnt seem fair does it.

    space x

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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Wed Morning, Geez houtx, i wish it were that easy, unfortunatley after being together for 30+ years your lives are so intertwined both familia and financially. The toal it would take on my family would not be worth it to me. I appreciate you sticking up for me though, you crack me up!!! He can be an ah but i can deal...
      Just a thought for those of you talking a quitting smoking. over a year ago i started smoking "tececig" and have never gone back to cigarettes. you get the same nicotene and sensation of smoking cigs w/o the tar and carcinogenics (spelliing?) of cigs... plus you don't smell bad and don't have that taste in your mouth , don't have to "go outside" to smoke ....i tried a puff of a real cig a couple of months ago and it was yuck!!! never again for me.... i really recommend them, it's alot better than smoking it's vapor. i also recommend this brand name because they are very good to their customers!!! and no i don't own any stock, i will stop selling now...just wanted to throw that in...
      been workin in the garden, startin to shape up!!.. Have a great day everyone. oh guess what, my nickname my whole life has been buggy, all of my brothers (5) call me buggy or bug, my little neice and nephew just got a new dog and my sister in law texted me for a name suggestion, i wrote back
      "June Cleaver" well for some reason, she didn't like that, i thought it was perfect, anyway, an hour or so later a get another text with a picture saying bugggy meet buggy, she said Val, thats my neice wanted to name her puppy after her favoriet aunt. So my name is famous!! Good Day

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        New here and starting Topa and with a question

        Oh, Stuck, somehow just you caring opened the floodgates again. Thanks everyone else for your thoughts too. Somehow my thoughts are stuck on the Serenity Prayer tonight. Not that I'm with any affiliation or religion but god knows I need some serenity right now.

        God, grant me the serenity
        to accept the things I cannot change;
        the courage to change the things I can;
        and wisdom to know the difference.

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          New here and starting Topa and with a question

          And as a side note, God, please tell me why the hell it has to be so difficult?

          Comment


            New here and starting Topa and with a question

            Oh dizzy ..... I am so sorry for the way that you are feeling. Nothing I can say is going to help - just know that you are in my thoughts and my heart just goes out to you for what you are going through! As Space said, do you not have friends that can give you a hug and a cup of tea and cake ?? Sending you virtual hugs :l:l I feel SO helpless with the folk here that are going through trying times. Wish I could do or say something.

            Space - thank you too for your caring - I think we are such a caring family here - we all hurt when the others hurt - and it helps knowing that others care.

            Bug
            - love the fact that they named the puppy after you !! How lovely ! You will have to cheer us all up and post a picture of your namesake !! Thank you for the idea of the electronic cigs - I did try them once and did not like them - maybe I should try them again. I will check the brand that you suggested out. Hubs was on at me AGAIN yesterday about my smoking. Says that he wants me around for years to come and worries so much about me smoking. I stopped for 20 odd years - hate that I started again.

            Well, not long in from work and going to actually watch a movie - I NEVER watch movies but someone reminded me of the Final countdown and I fancied seeing it again - hope it is as good as I remember.

            Love and MANY hugs to all here - so sad that so many of us are sad.

            love and hugs, sun XX
            How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

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              New here and starting Topa and with a question

              Thanks Sun, love you lots. And of course Space and the rest of you all..
              XOX

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                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                OH DIZ !!! You are more than welcome. More hugs ......:l:l LOL

                I never did get to watch the movie - Hubs asked me if I was going to plant stuff so I got my zucchini planted - it is supposed to rain tonight so it is good that they are now in the ground. This weekend I have a ton of stuff to get in the garden - and the chances of rain are HIGH - so I will maybe do it anyway - if it doesn't rain too much and make the dirt too bad to work in the garden - I SO love working in my garden!!

                Love and hugs to you all,

                love, sun XXX
                How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

                Comment


                  New here and starting Topa and with a question

                  Dizz, I'm sure thinking of you and know the sadness and anxiety you are going thru:upset: wish it would happy for you, perhaps better days are almost here:h I hope so.

                  Space, everyone else also praying for relief to be in sight and Stuck, OMG, it's good that you are young, how else would you survive your life

                  Love you all, would like to post more but still such low energy but I have high hopes.

                  Comment


                    New here and starting Topa and with a question

                    Another quick post:

                    DIZ - so sorry about all this mess with your bf. If it's meant to be, it will be. I firmly believe that.

                    BUG - I appreciate your light-hearted response to my strong one. I do not retract what I said. After getting a divorce after 17 yrs, I think some of you who stay in dead marriages, are unhappy, putting up with abuse, neglect and more...I feel sorry for you. I am sorry for you. Sorry you cannot change the things you can. I do not understand being submissive to that shit. And it is that.

                    I cannot fathom a life with a person who loathes you and treats you like shit, berates you in front of your kids...all that some of you continually put up with. I don't understand it, I never will and I will not apologize for my opinions on here on this subject. But I will TRY to be a bit less vitriolic. lol :-) I just care about us and how we struggle. I HATE it when I hear about the verbal abuse. It's stupid and it sucks and I get mad about your abusers abusing you!!

                    Also, my decision to take AB this week was because, I was on the fence about taking it this week anyway...had some things going on this week where ppl would be drinking and "pretending" would be tiresome, as it was last week. So when the day got ahead of me, I was thinking "ok - the decision was made by the clock". And next week I've got some days off coming up. I will probably not take the AB again for the next couple of weeks.

                    The summer school schedule kicks in in early June and I will definitely get back on my AF horse. Ya'll - please do not be judgmental about taking AB, TOPA or anything else, our motives, our lapses, etcetcetc...I know y'all (myself included) mean well, but who the hell can predict staying on the wagon, off the wagon, goals, ideals, etc...

                    I wish I would wake up tomorrow and be like one of my sisters who rarely drinks...but she makes up for it in super-sizing her meals and is about 100 lbs overweight. Ok - I'll pass on that option. My older sister maintains her weight but is a total dork and looks over-dressed no matter what she's wearing and is a total, complete, absolute DORK with her stupid wardrobe. I mean she buys her shit at Neiman's but she buys multiples in every pattern and color...and then totally coordinates that to the point of weird...

                    Anyway, I digress - DIZ, I hope you will pull yourself up by your bootstraps and realize you are the Master of your domain!! Grieve about what has happened, figure out what can be salvaged, what is left to be, etc...and get up, be strong and get going!!

                    All of us can do it on here!! Be strong - Me too!! I feel good and will more so again soon.

                    Love y'all!! Hang in -

                    Comment


                      New here and starting Topa and with a question

                      Yes Taw, Topa can increase anxiety in some. It does for me, so I titrate up very slowly and sometimes use beta blockers to help with bad anxiety during titration.

                      Comment


                        New here and starting Topa and with a question

                        On no just lost my post again it was a good one that I responded to everyone. so to shorten it heres the jist

                        Houxt I didnt mean to sound judgemental and Im very sorry if I did, god I hate people being judgemental and dont want to turn into one of them. Im glad your not one of your sisters, your way too cool for that x

                        Sun its so good that you enjoy your garden and have found something that is also good for you while giving you pleasure.

                        Dizzy :h & :l's

                        Stuck :h & :l's

                        Play I wish I could send you some energy but will have to make do with :h & :l's as well. I still think you went back to work too soon after your op and it has slowed down your recovery, I hope you can find some time to relax.

                        Bug I love that the puppy is named after you how cute, you are sounding better today x

                        Sorry if I have missed anyone

                        space x

                        Comment


                          New here and starting Topa and with a question

                          God thats crap isnt it, that topa can increase anxiety, I know I was getting very bad anxiety last year but cant remember if it was topa or something else that was causing it I would have to look back throught the thread to find out and I havent got time right now.

                          x

                          Comment


                            New here and starting Topa and with a question

                            Ok I just had a quick check and it was last November I was only taking 25mg of topa at the time, no lcue why the low dose but was also taking I think risperadone of my pdoc, I can off both and the anxiety subsided. By anxiety I mean it was non stop awful time, stopping me from functioning properly and I do think it was the other med but cant be sure. I dont like reading that time because it was when I was getting ready to meet with Play in spain and it all went wrong for me I got ill and then drank and made everything worse and couldnt go so it upset me just reading that little bit. I then felt guilty about letting play and sun down and stopped posting or comming on here for a bit as well

                            Comment


                              New here and starting Topa and with a question

                              Dizz, i am soo sorry reading all of these posts and not having said anythingmyself. The one intellegent thing that i can add is one that my mother always said to me in hard times, :This Day Too Will Pass
                              it holds so true in every difficult , sad, heart breaking time in our life, and, in as much as it doesn't help the immediatle hurt, somehow it is something to hold onto. To know that time will change the hurt. You will prevail, you will move on. your life will change and you have no choice in the matter, that's how life works.
                              Hold your head high, blow your nose and shake it off. You are loved by many and you are strong. Buggy

                              Comment


                                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                                Houtx, i really do appreciate where you are coming from, and believe me at times i wish i were strong enought to walk away, but just don't know how, he holds all of the purse strings. we are not legally married, never have been 32 years together 4 kids and never legally married, go figure, anyway, our problems really started over money, his company has been in trouble for years. he is worth a lot of money but is cash broke, all 3 of our sons, 27, 22 and 18 still live at home, long story, i know it sounds pathetic, but there is a sound reason. and it also sounds crazy but i like them living here. our daughter lives in chiacago with her husband until next month when they move to madison wisconsin for his residancy. i'm leaving for chicago tomorrow for the weekend. anyway, i have no money of my own, every dollar goes into the household and this house is a money pit , it is 11thousand sqft and costs a fortune to maintain.and no we can't sell and downsize cause it is in a trust and if we sold the irs would take the money...it is very complicated. hubby is also 18 years my senior fyi, he has 5 other children and 13 grandchildren, (not mine) so this is a small understanding of my life.....it may or may not help you understand..

                                Sun: what's going on with you? why are you feeling down? u have been there for me, I'm all ears!
                                Space: sorry you had a bad nightmare, When was the last time you drank? do you still have cravings? How did you stop. So proud of you!
                                Everyone else, All the Best Love reading all the posts, I really look forward to them everyday, I additicted to you all! LOL Bug

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