New here and starting Topa and with a question
Gonna go ahead and write a post now, before I get all spaced out and forget, or go back to bed or something. Man, I'm tired when I wake up these days... And it happens so uncontrollably--no alarms or anything. So it's just after 7--yes, this is early for me, I know, I'm a bitch--and I've got coffee and a load of laundry in already.
Soooooo, Sun. There is someone out there who is very drunk still, and very sick, and comes on MWO to write malicious posts--usually complete lies, sometimes partial truths, about bac. I think it's a she, and she writes all kinds of nonsense about Dr Ameisen, who discovered bac for alcoholism, about the studies that are underway in Europe, and often about benzos as some horrific trap from which there's no escape. She writes that Ne is a Xanax and Adderall addict, and a drunk, and as for me... well let's just go ahead and say she attacks me personally as well. And then she'll go and bump the worst-of-the-worst crisis threads, be they bac or benzo or otherwise related--she's really passive aggressive, so it'll be a post like "be aware" or "just so you know," and then those threads will sit around on the top of the boards for a while until they sink. Just the other night--and I did not respond to this at all--she bumped a thread started by a woman named Anna, who was having a horrible time last summer. Anna PM'ed me, and we went back and forth a little bit--I can't say I really knew her, but I believed I was helping her--and to make a long story short she checked herself into a rehab facility to come off bac. I thought it was going to be a long-ish term rehab to take care of drinking and her antidepressants and everything. Turns out they took her off back over the course of a single weekend and basically let her go. She PM'ed me to say she was feeling much better and thank you. And a day or two later she threw herself off a building. The other night this troll bumped that thread, with the heading "In memory of Anna." So we might say that I take this shit personally.
Anyway, sorry for the long digression. How am I feeling? I don't know. Better, I think, overall. The nights can be tricky, and like I mentioned the mornings are a little rough. Have been trying to start back at working--really working, writing--but the days slip away from me. Have done some reading and research, so I think maybe this weekend when the entire locker room at the gym is closed down I'll start writing. Working on an academic article, btw. Yesterday I used the treadmill for 1/2 an hour, and there was a lot of walking, but I jogged a 1/2 mile straight, and then again later a little over a 1/4 mile straight, so that is at least a good starting point. I also then went straight to the stationary bike and rode that for a 1/2 hour. So getting in some cardio--and going to the gym 4 days a week now.
Blood pressure is still fluctuating a lot throughout the day, but from what I can tell it's getting better. Still not taking the meds my doc prescribed. I am beyond pissed with her. She's not trying to start small on the meds and titrate up for effect, which I'd prefer, among other reasons, because it would give me a chance to get used to it and any possible SEs, but instead she wants to hit me over the head with a pretty big dose. And when I emailed her with some new info, and asking to come in to see her before my next scheduled followup, she completely blew me off. I mean, barely even responded except to write two sentences. Take the meds. See psychiatric about anxiety. I know I won't see her again after this, so I'm not sure if I want to reschedule my next apt. with someone else or see her one last time.
And I had a date yesterday. Which was freaking lame. Didn't want to meet this woman, but she messaged me on the dating site I'm on, and I pretty much can't not reply to messages. So that was 2 1/2 hours I'll never get back, and she wants to meet up again. Ugh. And the bartender seems to almost be trying to set me up with the new girl she just hired. So life is just bizarre.
I am still AF, and this is day... 12. I have a desire to drink in only the most abstract sense. Been going to the bar every night, and drinking club soda. Every so often I mix it up, and get a cranberry juice. Or, there's this frozen mango-flavored thing that the bartender makes for this other non-drinking older Mexican guy who stops in every so often, and I'll have one of those. They're pretty good. I keep thinking one of these days I'll start drinking like virgin margaritas or something... but then I remember that would just be sweet/sour mix, and then it sounds disgusting.
I'm at 80mg/day with bac, my legs kinda hurt. Also taking 1200mg/day of neurontin, and don't notice anything with that--and I'm going to run out pretty soon, and it's too expensive to bother ordering more. If I go into a serious depression after running out, I might then order more. 'Cause who knows, it might be really improving my mood, and I'm just not noticing right now. I'm also considering going down more on bac, because I really am motivated to get healthy and work and not drink this summer, but also don't really want to fuck with it at the moment since it's not that difficult to not drink.
And my exGF has been calling late at night a lot more regularly recently. She generally calls while she's driving home from work--she's a manager at a bar, so it's around midnight or 1 AM my time when she's calling, and sometimes she's just closed up and sometimes she's been sitting and drinking with her friends for a bit first. No idea what she really wants from me. I know it isn't to get back together or to sleep with me again...
So that's what's up with me. Sorry for the long post--that's not really how we roll here. If you wanted long posts from me, you'd be reading my thread. :H But I'm about to become a Senior Member, and I'm kinda trying to hold that off for a little bit, while I plan out my 1,000th post on my thread. I feel like it should be epic, or something. So trying to get everything out all at once here.
Don't worry, once I've gotten that nonsense out of the way, I'll be back to my snarky one-liners here, just like normal.
Space--so glad the place is nice! I hope you enjoy the quiet and the stillness and the things that are around the hotel, but also get a chance to get out into the town a little too, and have a good time. Thinking about you.
Dizz--ain't that a bitch? Relationship repaired just in time for BF to leave for a month... Oh well, at least that way you know the relationship will stay repaired for at least a month and a day.
Play--I agree with Dizz. It's tough, but alienating your daughter would only further isolate her and leave her with only the dude to turn to, locking her even more into the abusive relationship. Though, of course, there's always that age-old method of trying to cure people of these kinds of things--saying you can't help her right now while she's mentally in this place and not looking at reason, and you can't handle it, and so she's on her own until she can get straight. People have been trying that kind of intervention with alkies for at least 60 years, right? Not sure if it's worked yet... :H
:l
Gonna go ahead and write a post now, before I get all spaced out and forget, or go back to bed or something. Man, I'm tired when I wake up these days... And it happens so uncontrollably--no alarms or anything. So it's just after 7--yes, this is early for me, I know, I'm a bitch--and I've got coffee and a load of laundry in already.
Soooooo, Sun. There is someone out there who is very drunk still, and very sick, and comes on MWO to write malicious posts--usually complete lies, sometimes partial truths, about bac. I think it's a she, and she writes all kinds of nonsense about Dr Ameisen, who discovered bac for alcoholism, about the studies that are underway in Europe, and often about benzos as some horrific trap from which there's no escape. She writes that Ne is a Xanax and Adderall addict, and a drunk, and as for me... well let's just go ahead and say she attacks me personally as well. And then she'll go and bump the worst-of-the-worst crisis threads, be they bac or benzo or otherwise related--she's really passive aggressive, so it'll be a post like "be aware" or "just so you know," and then those threads will sit around on the top of the boards for a while until they sink. Just the other night--and I did not respond to this at all--she bumped a thread started by a woman named Anna, who was having a horrible time last summer. Anna PM'ed me, and we went back and forth a little bit--I can't say I really knew her, but I believed I was helping her--and to make a long story short she checked herself into a rehab facility to come off bac. I thought it was going to be a long-ish term rehab to take care of drinking and her antidepressants and everything. Turns out they took her off back over the course of a single weekend and basically let her go. She PM'ed me to say she was feeling much better and thank you. And a day or two later she threw herself off a building. The other night this troll bumped that thread, with the heading "In memory of Anna." So we might say that I take this shit personally.
Anyway, sorry for the long digression. How am I feeling? I don't know. Better, I think, overall. The nights can be tricky, and like I mentioned the mornings are a little rough. Have been trying to start back at working--really working, writing--but the days slip away from me. Have done some reading and research, so I think maybe this weekend when the entire locker room at the gym is closed down I'll start writing. Working on an academic article, btw. Yesterday I used the treadmill for 1/2 an hour, and there was a lot of walking, but I jogged a 1/2 mile straight, and then again later a little over a 1/4 mile straight, so that is at least a good starting point. I also then went straight to the stationary bike and rode that for a 1/2 hour. So getting in some cardio--and going to the gym 4 days a week now.
Blood pressure is still fluctuating a lot throughout the day, but from what I can tell it's getting better. Still not taking the meds my doc prescribed. I am beyond pissed with her. She's not trying to start small on the meds and titrate up for effect, which I'd prefer, among other reasons, because it would give me a chance to get used to it and any possible SEs, but instead she wants to hit me over the head with a pretty big dose. And when I emailed her with some new info, and asking to come in to see her before my next scheduled followup, she completely blew me off. I mean, barely even responded except to write two sentences. Take the meds. See psychiatric about anxiety. I know I won't see her again after this, so I'm not sure if I want to reschedule my next apt. with someone else or see her one last time.
And I had a date yesterday. Which was freaking lame. Didn't want to meet this woman, but she messaged me on the dating site I'm on, and I pretty much can't not reply to messages. So that was 2 1/2 hours I'll never get back, and she wants to meet up again. Ugh. And the bartender seems to almost be trying to set me up with the new girl she just hired. So life is just bizarre.
I am still AF, and this is day... 12. I have a desire to drink in only the most abstract sense. Been going to the bar every night, and drinking club soda. Every so often I mix it up, and get a cranberry juice. Or, there's this frozen mango-flavored thing that the bartender makes for this other non-drinking older Mexican guy who stops in every so often, and I'll have one of those. They're pretty good. I keep thinking one of these days I'll start drinking like virgin margaritas or something... but then I remember that would just be sweet/sour mix, and then it sounds disgusting.
I'm at 80mg/day with bac, my legs kinda hurt. Also taking 1200mg/day of neurontin, and don't notice anything with that--and I'm going to run out pretty soon, and it's too expensive to bother ordering more. If I go into a serious depression after running out, I might then order more. 'Cause who knows, it might be really improving my mood, and I'm just not noticing right now. I'm also considering going down more on bac, because I really am motivated to get healthy and work and not drink this summer, but also don't really want to fuck with it at the moment since it's not that difficult to not drink.
And my exGF has been calling late at night a lot more regularly recently. She generally calls while she's driving home from work--she's a manager at a bar, so it's around midnight or 1 AM my time when she's calling, and sometimes she's just closed up and sometimes she's been sitting and drinking with her friends for a bit first. No idea what she really wants from me. I know it isn't to get back together or to sleep with me again...
So that's what's up with me. Sorry for the long post--that's not really how we roll here. If you wanted long posts from me, you'd be reading my thread. :H But I'm about to become a Senior Member, and I'm kinda trying to hold that off for a little bit, while I plan out my 1,000th post on my thread. I feel like it should be epic, or something. So trying to get everything out all at once here.
Don't worry, once I've gotten that nonsense out of the way, I'll be back to my snarky one-liners here, just like normal.
Space--so glad the place is nice! I hope you enjoy the quiet and the stillness and the things that are around the hotel, but also get a chance to get out into the town a little too, and have a good time. Thinking about you.
Dizz--ain't that a bitch? Relationship repaired just in time for BF to leave for a month... Oh well, at least that way you know the relationship will stay repaired for at least a month and a day.
Play--I agree with Dizz. It's tough, but alienating your daughter would only further isolate her and leave her with only the dude to turn to, locking her even more into the abusive relationship. Though, of course, there's always that age-old method of trying to cure people of these kinds of things--saying you can't help her right now while she's mentally in this place and not looking at reason, and you can't handle it, and so she's on her own until she can get straight. People have been trying that kind of intervention with alkies for at least 60 years, right? Not sure if it's worked yet... :H
:l
And now my brother took my modem and there's no way I'm retyping all that on my phone :upset:
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