New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo everyone! Well, I had planned on posting this morning but my computer would NOT let me on to the site - not sure if there was a problem or what - my computer was fine in every other way except for this site !!

Space - so pleased that you had a nice time and that you are back safely. Even if it wasn't exactly what you had hoped for, at least it was a break and you got to spend some quality time with your sons. Did they enjoy it? I am so happy that you went anyway and did manage to get away - you really needed it.

Hey Play - SO sorry about the stuff going on with your daughter but it looks as if it might be playing itself out after all. Really hard for all concerned. I know but it is better to find out sooner rather than later - I so feel for your daughter though - so sad.

I really hope that you have a great time in Spain - you need it !! This time, as you said, it will be for fun and that is just what you need.

Okay - re being sober - I had a hard time with it. The one time I was sober for 8 months, I never felt quite right - I talked to my doc and it was suggested that I met with a therapist to find out why I drank. There are no therapists around here that deal with that type of thing so I sort of hit a rock. The day that I had my first drink again, I felt like me again. NOT what any of you need and want to hear I know but I am being honest. I really have a problem with the whole AF thing. I was at my happiest when I was having my two a day I suppose if I am honest. Now if I could just get back to that.........

Dizzy - it is so hard to think of winter kicking in when the temps here are in the 90's. Seeds that I planted on sunday are coming up already 'cos of the heat and the rain that we have had ! We seem to go from winter to summer here. I love the windows being open but barely have one or two days before the AC has to go on.

I am glad that b/f is going ahead with something to do with the visa - it must be so hard for you both. LOL re sometimes letting men take the lead. Good girl :H

Stuck - I sort of agree with you - I don't really feel I have anything helpful or important to chime in with either !! You really don't sound too happy though to be honest .....

Hallo Houtx - nice to hear from you. So happy that school is winding down - here school is finished already. And oh yes, I LOVE the garden. Until the temps get in the 100's and then it can all go to pot - LOL. Right now there is so much that needs doing out there, I am just loving it. I need to get with the plan and start the AB again - no excuses. I am also going to try the cream of tartar that was suggested on another thread here for smoking. Just need to get some....... Oh - and I am near St Louis and our temps are crazy already - heaven knows what the summer is going to be like. last year was really ridiculous. I ended up taking my hanging baskets down 'cos they could not keep up with the heat even with every day- twice a day watering. I really hope this year won't be quite as bad.

Hi there dear Bug - SO good to see you !! It does sound as if the Topa is helping you and yes, starting later is good too - so good for you. We would never get on you in a bad way for not posting - we just worry and miss you ......:l once you join our family then that is it - LOL. What do you have in your garden? I am trying new things this year - I have never before grown watermelon nor canteloupe but am trying both this year! Along with the usual peppers, tomatoes, potatoes and carrots - oh and don't forget the zucchini !!! And of course flowers everywhere too.

Well, I am off tomorrow - I have a sick dog that i am taking to the vet. Hubs had to shampoo the carpet - I am SO happy that I showed him how to use the carpet shampooer !!

Back later everyone, Love and hugs, Sun XXX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Will try and do a quickie here - I cleaned house for a couple of hours after my kids did about half what I asked them to! BLAH to these adult kids!!! I am pretty much a clean freak and try to appreciate what they've done when I tell them what to do...just irritated when I have to spend 2 hrs doing what I wish they'd do without being asked!! Plus my son unplugged my cordless vac to play his PLaystation or whatever game system he has...so that little chore was put off for another day while it charged!!

Brought daughter home 2 weeks ago and sacks of groceries and crap still unpacked - I did it in about 15 minutes. Slamming shit around - so pissed off!! AS YOU ALL KNOW i CAN BE!! lol

Which, btw, Play...Bug & I never had unkind words at each other or were at odds. It was ME mouthing off in general about ppl not taking charge of their lives and staying in sucky relationships...and complaining about stuff I had no business being critical about. She & I PM'd and there was no offense taken. It wasn't really an issue of "making up", just to clear the air. Anyway, I have just been guilty of starting to write and then getting all worked up about an issue on one person's or another's page. I will try and curb that!! I hope your daughter & her bf continue to separate...seriously...he sounds like a dick. Professional or not. I hope she sticks to her guns and stays broken up from him - unless it's meant to be! lol Good luck enduring the pain of all that!! And good luck with your meds and getting to Spain - hope all is a big sigh of relief once summer has set in!

Sun - good going with the gardening!! Wish I had one sometimes

Stuck - I think it's awesome you are 17 days AF and going to bars after your gym work-out!! Drinking club soda or those mango drinks?! Not on AB, just will power?? Amazing - and you were doing the Mickey Rourke thing just before this stint?! Hmmmm I stand in awe -

Space - welcome back, gf!! Glad your vaycay was better than the webbsite said! Yes, getting away with kids like that is sooooooooooo fun and therapeutic for all. Hope you get back to reality smoothly. Saying you were lonely struck a chord. I am planning this trip to Puerto Rico this summer with a guy who is now changing plans on me & looking like I may be traveling alone. It SOOOOOOOOO sucks!! I mean, I normally am fine with travel alone, but to a Caribbean island & all - BLAH!!!! I'm so deflated about it...but we shall see. We shall see...

OH!! My daughter & I saw "The Great Gatsby" this weekend - it was not the best flick I've ever seen, but after all the smash-ups, alien invasion, crazy shit movie trailers we saw & the other crap out there...it was a relief to watch a relatively quiet, easy-going movie! The time period was sooooooo cool & the party scenes at Gatsby's will be the inspiration for this year's party scene here at home (yeah, right!! maybe if you're 20!!) But anyway - it was NOT as good as the book (which I didn't care for anyway), but a groovy movie. F. Scott is rolling over in his grave, perfectionist that he was b/c the score is so totally geared to today and then dips to the past but not accurate...who really cares. I thought it was effective & really neat. Lana Del Ray's songs blew me away, as did much of the details & close-ups.

Go see it on the big screen. I think it's worth it.

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Everyone!

Play, I can so relate to what you said about being lonely, finding a passion. Even with drinking, life can get to be mundane. I spend so much time alone, which I am ok with, but it gets old!

Stuck, you go! 17 days AF! That is great!!! :happy:

Everyone else, I have been reading along and glad you all seem to be doing well!

I am so overwhelmed with everything, work, house, up keep, my son's crazy baseball schedule, that I find myself not getting anything accomplished. It has been 2 weeks since I cut my grass. And that is causing me major angst since I know it will be at least Saturday before I have anytime to do it...and that is if the storms we are supposed to get hold off. Never mind the rest of the yard work...

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I started Effexor, and I know they say it takes at least that long to start working, but I really hope it kicks in soon! It has helped even out my moods I can tell. I hope it gets to work on the anxiety soon!!

I have been doing pretty good with AL over the last couple weeks. Even over the long 3 day weekend! Manage to get a couple AF days here and there, even a couple in a row. I am going to take an AB on Sunday I decided. I have got to get a plan together since the Topa didn't work. And I am not expecting miracles out of the Effexor. I guess there is no magic pill out there after all!

Many :l:l:l to you all!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,
TAW, I just love your INSANITY poster, and speaking of insanity, I'm with my daughter for a few days to help her sort her stuff from his, boxes in the garage are separate but other stuff inside has to be gone thru. He supposedly is bringing movers next Wednesday and I figure anything of hers that is in his way will just get trashed, like he did with her bed. He also went thru all of her still packed boxes (we just got her stuff out of her storage unit) and broke a lot of framed pictures in the process as well as throwing away everything he thought some man from her PAST might have touched. She was even there but was too intimidated to stop him. Is a good thing we got her picture albums and old laptop out before the move and took them to my house otherwise she would have no pictures left as he wanted to throw those away too because a man might have been around at that time. He is a certifiable lunatic and I begged her to call the police and get a restraining order after the bed smashing incident but she refuses to "tarnish his reputation or hurt his career". Houtx I think I need to hire you to intervene.

Anyway, today I called the National Domestic Violence Hotline and they were super helpful but in the end they said to try to keep the communication open and be there for support, nothing else can be done except to take pictures of the property destruction and record any further incidents and change the locks, she is the only who can take any real action. Is sad that I have felt so alone and confused not really knowing what to really do. We are not getting along because I keep getting angry when she tells me things or I see her keep texting him. She told e to leave, go home and she would make her decisions. I think I have accepted that she has to do that but I called off work on Saturday and every time I have to pay for the train round trip and it does add up, so I told her she is stuck with me until Sunday and I will help her sort out her stuff and fix a bed. I she can put up with him then she can put up with me for three days. I'm actually worried about this thing continuing to escalate but all I can do is pray.

Well, I will see you all later,
Love

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well - just lost power once due to thunderstorms and am hoping it doesn't happen again. It is such a pain to start the computer again and nowhere has remembered my passwords for some reason or other.......

I planted MANY seeds today which no doubt are running down the road by now........SIGH. However we are due for storms tomorrow so I suppose if they weren't running down the road today they would have been tomorrow anyway - hopefully some of them will have stuck.

Houtx - so nice to see yet another post! We are honoured - LOL. I did smile to myself about you and your children being home. I have a 27 year old home now for probably a year - and trust me, it does take some give and take on both sides. I pick my battles !!!! The main thing that really ticks me off is the state of her room !!!!! I get to boiling point, then let loose - she sorts it and things are fine until it gets bad again - I did not bring her up like that - so WHY is her room in such a mess????

Taw - OMG - if we hadn't cut our grass in two weeks it would be knee high! With the heat and the rain, it is just growing like crazy - I planted flower seeds on sunday - and they are already 1 1/2" high !!

Oh gosh - the tornado siren is going off. Hhmmmm do I ingore it as usual or go in the cellar? Guess I will ignore it as usual. It looks fine outside. I mean it is raining but it isn't green or anything........

You know - I think I might get off the computer - Play - I have already talked to you today just in case anyone thinks I am ignoring you. Maybe I will go and grab the animals and get in the cellar.......

love and hugs to all,

love, Sun XXXX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Lots o' good stuff to comment on!!

First off, I have a Private Message flashing at me on here, I have read it but it still won't stop. Bugs me.

Play - You cracked me up getting me to intervene!! Too funny. I feel your frustration tho & it is so true, if she can handle "him", she can certainly handle YOU!! Much as she protests, I think she'll look back and feel so grateful you were there to help, be influential, if not making sane decisions for her, etc. That guy sounds dangerous. I would not leave until he is firmly gone. Good you called the police for advice too. She actually may know better than you how to "handle" him during his rages, but sheesh - you must be her protector. His kind of violence can easily escalate. I don't understand being attracted to someone so possessive and controlling at all. I think a lot of men start out "normal" and girls fall b/c they are so attentive and seem so sincere. Then as time goes by, the guy becomes too clingy, controlling, insecurity bubbles to the surface, and the real scary part of them slowly emerges. Break-ups can be scary, and as is evidenced by your boyfriendmonster-in-law, he freaks out. UGH - makes for thrilling stories, but I hope it ends soon and without too much more drama.

Well now I've taken too much time. TAW, yeah, I'm with you on trying to get stuff done. If I had a yard, it would be a jungle. As it is, I have a large patio and try to work in a good sweep and wipe down the surfaces so I can get out there and lounge...hot weather and the bugs are coming. In Houston we have mosquitos, roaches, stupid squirrels who might as well be big, furry insects - I hate them. But hang in there with everything. You sound like you are managing well.

Space, more details about the vaycay or thoughts on dating!! LOL I keep thinking same...get notices that "Hey Houtx, Mr. Right has viewed your profile and is interested. View his profile now". I pull it up, he looks like Capt. Kangaroo or his hideous cousin. No lie.

Seriously, God??!! This is my future??!! I'll give it a rest for now :-)

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Play I didnt realise the situation with your daughter and bf was so bad, I so hope she sees sense and gets away from him for good, I am worried that she wont consider getting the police involed because she is still considering his feelings and life when really all she should be thinking about is looking after herself. She does have to make her own decisions tho it is her life after all but I can totally understand your getting angry, she is so lucky to have you there tho. It will be hard for her now tho this split up wont be easy or amicable and he may well want to cause more trouble, lets hope in fact that he could put her in a position that she cant do anything else but split with him as he is so bad, the worst thing that could happen is for him to turn into mr nice guy and become all apologetic, that would be his way back. I will pray for you and your daughter that this all turns out well for her. I am really glad that you are going to Spain and getting away from it, you need this break it is the best place for you to be, of course you will still worry but will have the distraction of your other daughter and her family. I would like to start talking to you more, we should never have stopped.

And Sun too, we have never got backl to skyping either, we should start again x

Love to everyone else, am just going to collect my youngest from his friends, he slept over there last night and is ready to come home.

Space x



I will try to come back later

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone. Good to see so many folk posting. I feel as if I haven't been posting which is funny 'cos when I looked - I have. Odd. I have had some sad news about a long time friend of mine though - she had a colonoscopy and she has cancer. All I can do is be there for her - but she lost her husband a year ago next month so she is really going through the mill. I hurt for her and it so saddens me - there is nothing I can do - except be there.

Play - your daughters situation is also sad. we have talked so won't say much here. Just know I care and send you hugs XXX :l:l

Space - I would LOVE to skype again - just tell me where and when and I will be there with bells on - LOL. I am off all weekend so let me know if you will be around.......

Houtx - once you have read the message and gone away from the page it stops flashing. Hearing about on-line dating, I am SO glad that I am married - but you know what - if anything happened to hubs there is no way that I would ever ever date or look for a boyfriend again - I am 99% sure that I would be happy on my own. Of course I know it is easy for me to say that to those of you who have NOT been there and done that ........and I am sorry so maybe I shouldn't have even put it - but just the mere thought of 'meeting' someone and having to go through all the 'getting to know you' stuff is exhausting !!!! SORRY !!! Maybe I will come back and delete this.

Taw - sometimes it can take longer than 2 weeks for the AD to kick in - I remember the day years ago that my celexa kicked in - it was a Sunday morning and I was driving to work - and all of a sudden - the world felt RIGHT !!! Unfortunately since they messed around with my dosage it has never been the same - but I SO remember that day !!!! So hang in there ...... :l:l

I have started the cream of tartar that was suggested on another thread on this forum for helping one to quit or cut down smoking. It can take about 5-7 days to kick in but I started it last night. I really don't have much faith in it but hey - I will try anything.

Okay - have got a new book and am going to go and veg on the sofa.

love and hugs to all,

love, Sun XXX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

A quick one from my phone while I wait for my brother to get ready. Will do a proper check-in tom.

Just wanted to say Play, your daughter's bf did you a huge favour by acting out. Psychological abuse can be hidden and reasoned away but she will most likely never be able to sleep on the same bed as him without remembering what he did. Thank god she wasn't hurt.

Now as the age differences between her and me and you and my mom aint that big, I'll try to give you my perspective. Well done on staying with her. But try to treat her like a friend who is splitting from an abusive husband/bf. The reason we get along so much better with friends than family is that there is this unspoken rule that friends can bitch and moan about their husbands and family but we know its our place to listen but we're not allowed to say 'that bf/husband/mom of yours is evil'. But as family members we do.

He did unspeakable things and if you keep calm and listen without openly judging, I think this war is won.

Love and hugs my friends,
D

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, what are you reading and did you ever get around to reading the Summer Book?
I love Jodi Picoult but I found her last book that you mentioned a bit tough to finish. Perhaps I read too many of her books in a row on my e-reader. Smart but not exactly easy reading.

X

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Dizz,
thanks for being here, in fact everyone, you've been lifesavers for me. And Dizz I do agree that what you've said about being more of a friend than family is what I absolutely should do but it's been beyond my ability to remain detached and unemotional, sometimes I've done well and other times I cry and tell her what an abusive monster is and why would she shoose to stay with him.

I've felt very alone as I've been the only actual family member here in a physical way and I've not felt that I knew the right things to do. At times I have gotten angry when I am with her and she is actively texting and responding to his awful verbally abusive texts and she tells me each time what he is saying and she says it like she believes its true.

And when I cam here this time and saw her bed smashed to bits and it and the mattress in the driveway and all of her boxes in the garage ripped open and pictures broken and things just thrown everywhere it was just too much. I felt at a loss, she wouldn't call the police, all she wants is to protect his career and his reputation. I've been a mess, crying and unable to stop. When I finally called the domestic violence hotline it was the first time that I trusted in what to do. When professionals told me that there is nothing I can do except to be here for support, I guess I kind of accepted it.

Before I was afraid if he ended up hurting her physically I would feel guilty if I had just been standing passively by. So at times I've been good and at times I've been unhelpful, but I've done the best I could. I have no idea of how she will process our relationship after this is all over but I did the best I could and even if I could have or should have done it differently there is no going back. I truly know that your advice is the right on Dizz, but I've just had a hard time acting in that way most of the time. Our relationship will survive I suppose, we were always close but not like she is with her sister and brother but what can I do.

She is going to visit her brother in Colorado for a few days starting Wednesday so at least I don't have to worry about her being here when he comes with the movers. I hope the rest of her stuff survives. I'm leaving next Sunday for Spain and it makes me anxious to be so far away but her brother will come if anything drastic happens. Otherwise she will be on her own to move her things into the house and get a new bed and get things set up for living. It has left her in an awful financial disaster as she will have to pay all the rent rather than just half and either move again after August or get a roommate which she had never had plans to do, this 3 bedroom house was where they were both going to live for a couple of years until deciding where to live.

I guess I can't do much more except to try to calm myself down now. Going to take my AB today and try to go the week and next weekend AF. Am going to take the AB every Monday while in Spain and take just weekends off. I know I'll feel so much better if I don't drink during the days while there and have more energy and just won't have to worry in general about obsessing about AL.

Well, bye for now, sorry this was all about me, in fact it's been all about me for awhile. Hopefully I can get back to giving back some support and encouragement to others here.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space, thanks for your post, yes let's start really keeping in touch again, I'd like that

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, sorry about your flower seeds, perhaps you will see them growing in your neighbors yard. I know how terrible the storms have been, I grew up with them. My mother lives near all of the current activity in Oklahoma and writes every day about what a nightmare it is for folks there. She has a storm shelter, built after a bad tornado in 1955 in which my father laid down on top of me in the garage as the tornado went over our house and hit the neighborhood a few blocks away. Another year a tornado destroyed my elementary school while we were all under our desks, the roof was totally lifted off and I just remember the rain pouring down around us.

But anyway, so, she has the storm shelter and so has a place to go but pretty much has to stay awake most of the night watching the TV to see what is coming rather than go to sleep.

Anyway, Sun, will you replant after the tornado season is over?

Ok, bye again, need to do something here.

Love, Olay

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I think you're the best mother anyone can ever hope for, Play.
You do so much for your children, I just hope they appreciate it.
XXX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DizzyBee;1513829 wrote: I think you're the best mother anyone can ever hope for, Play.
You do so much for your children, I just hope they appreciate it.
XXX

I AGREE !! Play - you are doing the best that you can. And that is all that you can do ! I just hate to see it hurting you so much but toally understand.

Well - 4 more inches of rain last night with storms and hail - more expected today - tornado siren kept going off and I stayed up to make sure daughter got home okay. That is 7 inches in three days - and more before that. Daughter has a friend who lives near the Mississippi and has been told that she will flood and has about 24 hours to leave - so they and some other friends are moving her stuff today.

And yes Play - I will replant !! I doubt that any of the seeds I put in have survived although the ones i planted last weekend are over an inch high already so they have survived !

Dizzy - yes, Jodi Picoult needs to be read in small doses - I love her books but cannot read too many one after the other !! I started reading one called Black Country by Alex Grecian but it is too dark for me. He wrote one called the Yard which I enjoyed but this one is TOO dark - made me feel yucky reading it. so now I have started an Alice Munro short stories - something I don't usually read, called Too Much Happiness but haven't got very far with it yet. No, I never did read the summer book - in fact I am wondering where it went. i shall have to look for it.

Well, no gardening for me today ..... I think I shall attack the mess in the cellar. And generally tidy ..... maybe do some ironing - and also read !! Hubs is working later so I will have some me time and prefer to be alone when I do the clearing up and stuff so will go and get my book and go on the sofa for a while.

Love and hugs to all,

Sun XXX