New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - just in for a break from the weeding. It is lovely out today - temps in the 80's - such a change from the brutal high 90's we have had. I have picked some basil and am going to make some pesto, and picked some lavender to dry. And of course, weeded !!!

Buggy - I do think the Topa is working it's magic on you - that is the way it works - it is very subtle but you will find yourself just not wanting to drink as much. awesome isn't it? Glad your hubs is backing off too - really good.

Dizzy - I am SURE that now you just want all this to be over - but try and relax. Easy for me to say I know...sorry. It must be so hard for you right now. At least everyone not knowing will assume that any nerves or anything are from b/f coming and the engagement !!

Well, hi to everyone else - back outside,

love, sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just testing

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ok I tried to post yesterday but after writinbg a wonderful post it didnt send.

Dizzy I know you wedding will be wonderful, dont forget it should be the best day of your life so make sure your hubby to be makes it great for you. I wish you both much love and happiness for your future together.

Houxt I will be very interested to find out how things go with your daughter and the topa, whether she just cuts down on drinking without knowing why, it would really be proof that it works. Let me know how its going.

Play I have been worried about you since your op, Im not sure you got fully recovered going back to work so soon, how are you now. and hows the drinking, are you still taking the AB, hows it been going.

Same question with you Sun, hows the drinking going, are you still taking the AB, you always tell us how your garden is but less often about you really.

Bug, have you been felling exhausted since you started on topa and cutting down on the drinking? it may be either thats doing it if thats the case, the topa making you tired, or the trying to sort out your drinking is stressful in itself, I know it has been for me.

I got my new tablet at long last and for the 50 pounds I payed for it it seems pretty good, but iit is small and II got a case with a keyboard on which is also small so you will have to excuse any typos I make.

I havent been well lately and had an awful appointment with my pdoc though the week which has just made me feel so much worse. I started off physically sick with fibro pain and some kind of flu type bug but have now ended up with those plus my bipolar being triggered off by him. I need to write a letter to them I know that but havent yet had it in me to do so.

I hope to talk again soon and hope our thread starts getting busier again soon it seems to have been quite latelyb but I know that the way it goes sometimes.

Love space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space - lovely to see you. You didn't mention your endoscopy...... have you had it or are you going to - and if so, when? I am sorry that your Appt with your pdoc wasn't good...... how did it make you feel physically worse? Do you think it was stress? I DO worry about you !!!! :l

Yes, I know I rarely say much about me - but my garden makes me happy so I tend to talk about that. I had an appt with Play's therapist in Spain (via Skype) and she is wonderful. I DO begin to see light at the end of the tunnel. She understands where I am - I was honest with her and she is optimistic, as am I. This is a work in progress and we are going to sort it. She is a lovely lady. Thank you Play for introducing her to me. There is no way that i would find anyone like her in my neck of the woods but I really think she might be able to help me find out why I drink.....and once we find that out, then I should be able to get my life together. I am SO hoping so. Play also told me about a book that looks good - and am reading that too.

Houtx - does your daughter drink a lot? I don't think the Topa will make any difference when it is taken at a 50mg starting dose and not raised. But yes, what Space said is interesting - see if she doesn't want to drink.

Space - I know that Play will be along soon - but she is doing really well. I too was worried about all she had to go through after her surgery, but she sounds so happy and relaxed right now - it is lovely to hear!!!!

Anyway - I am back to my pesto making !!!!

love and hugs, Sun XXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All My Wonderful Friends,
First off, Dizz, I'm so thrilled for you and BF soon to be Hubby:h and have nothing but high hopes and positive expectations from the both of you, it's an adventure of a lifetime now so be sure to enjoy it along the way.

I thought about that today when I was with my two adorable grandkids today, about how I notice every little thing they say and do and realized I remember barely anything from when my own kids were that age:upset: of course they must have said the same adorable things, skipped and hopped along the sidewalk, asked a million questions and picked up every stick and leaf that they could find. So why do I remember so little of it? Probably the stress do being a mother of three small children, the stress of living in poverty, the total business of day to day living, a garden, child care, working, a husband falling away from, just the typical way of being a parent where you do not often see the absolute glorious beau of your children. And oh my does that change when you are older and wiser and if you are fortunate enough to have grandchildren, well, you now see all the beauty and wonder why you weren't tuned in before? It's something to think about and perhaps try to live a new life by, live more in the moment and notice the beauty all around and cherish this life that we are given.

Space, Houtx, Bug, Dizz, Sun, I certainly have much more to comment on but I'm exhausted tonight and getting up a bit early to go to Monserrat, the famous monastery located high on a mountain top. I hope to hear the bells ring and perhaps if lucky hear the boys choir. In any case I will be thinking of you all, so you all will really be there with me and I will put in a good word for us:h

Gotta go for now, exhausted and up early,
Love and lots of hugs,
Playland

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning everyone !

Play - your trip sounds really exciting - I looked it up and it does look a wonderful place to visit !

I agree with living more in the moment - I had a lovely experience this morning - I was at a local store and the person at the checkout was an absolute delight - as I left I had a huge smile on my face and a chap coming in looked at me and said "what a lovely smile" - which of course made me smile even more !! The whole thing was lovely and kept me smiling all the way home.

I am off to clear out my freezer - it really needs doing. The garden will have to wait. I might get out there again later today but we are supposed to have storms coming over. I also need to brush the dogs and have to do that outside or everywhere is covered in dog hair (more than it already is !! :H).

Back later - have a wonderful day everyone, love, sun XX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have been reading daily and feel like I am getting to know you all. My raised garden is finally filled with soil and I am excited to fill it. Going to be late and not sure what is going to grow. I would love to learn how to make pesto. Also, Sun, I would like to know what you have in your garden.
I started a counselour and went 3 times,all she kept saying pick a date and quit. Go to AA. I want to find out why I am drunking, why I feel I need this crutch. Since I been out of school for the summer I have been sleeping until 8. I always get up at 6 even on the weekends. I don't know why, stress free.
I have a wedding this weekend also, hope Diz yours is great. Enjoy the memories.
I also am thinking of trying Topa again, but am afraid it will make me tired. Thanks for listening, needed to post and not just read.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Meggie - lovely to see you again. What do I have in my garden? you mean BESIDES snapping turtles, snakes and bunnies? LOL. This year I have peppers, watermelon, canteloupe melon, tomatoes, zucchini, lavender, basil, parsley, carrots, spuds and lots of different flowers. Pesto is really easy to make - I picked a ton of basil, picked off the leaves and whizzed it in the food processor with olive oil and garlic - you can add cheese or nuts if you want but I like mine rather plain. You can freeze it once you have done that - just put it in a baggie, lay the baggie flat and seal it, then freeze it, then when you want some, break a piece off.

Your counselor sounds rather narrow minded and does NOT understand addiction I would say. If it was THAT easy, none of us would be here. Can you find another counselor? one that tries to get to the root cause? That is what I am doing right now - talking to someone who is trying to get to the root cause, rather than just having me stop. I DID stop for 8 months and didn't feel any different and my doc said that we needed to get to the root cause so I have finally found someone who is helping me to do that and I am really optimistic and hopeful.

Maybe try the Topa again - start on the 25mg and take it until your body is totally used to it before going up. Doesn't matter how long it takes - things will still be the same otherwise. Just my tuppence worth anyway.

Love and hugs, sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun,My endoscopy if thats what getting a camera down is called is on the 5th at 5.30pm, I was hoping it was going to be earlier in the day as I cant eat or drink anything for 6hours before. Im not bothered about not being able to eat but will really be wanting a cup of tea. I didnt know you where getting in touch with the therapist, gosh she is international. I do really hope she will help you, if you get any plans or tips would you mind letting me know about it, I dont want to pry tho so dont if it is personal stuff.

I felt so bad after the pdoc appointment and I think the stress triggered my fibro, I also have some kind of flu type bug, me and my sonhs have had it for a week now so that has me run sown as well.

It is over six months now since I had a drink and as you all probably know I havent felt well since. so I have to do something about this and I was hoping to get some help from the pdoc so as he is unwilling to help me I am going to have to formulate a plan myself. I at long last after waiting over two years get to see a therapist on Monday, I hope she is good as I dont know whhat I can do otherwise, she will probably want to do CBT therapy but Im not sure thats the way I want to go, after stopping taking antidepressants around 3 months ago a lot of memories and feelings have come up from the past. I was taking antidespressants for a long time and now being without them am starting to think they are responsible for a lot of the bad stuff I did while drinking, and in fact for a lot of my drinking in the first place, by blunting my feelings I didnt feel bad when I should have about what I was doing neglecting my children. Also because I was numb I went to more extreems to get a buzz like taking cocaine and having sex with the wrong men. All this is the stuff I want to explore in therapy so I am hoping that this time the therapist is able to deal with it and help me. I need to get away from the crippling guilt I feel about the past that is effecting my everyday life still.
Also I am reducing the medication I have been taking, the one that seemed to do the trick in stopping me want a drink. I know this sounds stupid but I think maybe that is partly responsible for my feeling bad for all these months, also one of the side effects is hair loss and I have lost some hair on it and it seems to be getting worse, my hair has also gone very dry and my nails are all splitting as well. I tried to talk about this to the pdoc and his suggestion was to increase the doseage! he then admitted that the higher the dose the worse the hair loss is. So I am reducing very slowley and looking out for any signs of my alcohol craving returning and to try and get to a level where I am maybe feeling better, my hair stops falling out but I also dont crave drink.

Since I stopped drinking I never intended to become AF, I just wanted to drink less but still be able to drink so I have thought about bwhether or not I can drink but cant find a reason to have one as yet, I suppose if I am ever to go out socially without my family I might try then but so far that hasnt happened,I aklso am not going to drink now while I am doing the reducing of this med as that would mean I couldnt tell what was going on. I do keep saying that Im going to listen to the meditation stuff Play sent me but do it for maybe two days then forget so I really do want to set up a goal to do them 4 times a week.

I used to think drink was my problem and so if I got that sorted things would be ok, I was so wrong sbout that, not that I want to discourage anyone to stop drinking but that has just been the start of workign on myself I have now realised, stopping drinking has made me find out just how messed up I really am which is probably why I drank so much for so long.

Im sorry for this big long rant I didnt intend to write it it just seemed to come out, I hope no onje minds me spilling it all out on here

space xx

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Meggie good to see you posting, I agree that your counsellor sounds useless of coourse you cant just pick a date then quit, if you could do that you wouldnt havr neede to see her in the first place would you!

If you feel the topa helps then go for it but as sun says just take it really slow to see when you start getting too tired then you know you have gone too high maybe and just step down a bit for a while and try going up later

x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Space - I SO understand !!!!! I really hope that that therapist you will be seeing can get to the root cause of why you were drinking. I KNOW that I need to, to stop me - and to feel good when I have stopped. I need to feel NORMAL when i have stopped, and in the past, I haven't felt that. Which is a real downer when it hasn't been easy to stop. So I am really hoping that this will help me. I will PM you as I really don't want to tell God and everybody about it.

I am not sure if you should reduce your meds without talking your new therapist - but of course if you are losing hair and your nails are brittle that isn't good. Have you checked to see if that is a SE of that particular med? Please go slowly my friend.....

Gosh - 5.30 pm is so late to have an endoscopy done - mine was at 8.00 in the morning which wasn't too bad. At least you can have a cup of tea and eat up until the 6 hours before can't you?

I would please stop worrying about what you did in the past - you cannot change the past and worrying about it is counterproductive. You can only go forward now Space so stop worrying about what was and concentrate on the future and getting yourself better.

Maybe do a to-do list - and put on the VERY TOP - 'listen to CD". I always have a to-do list and love crossing things off it. Also if I do something that isn't on it - then I write the thing on the list so I can cross it off - LOL. It gives one a sense of accomplishment I think. So maybe try the to-do list and maybe you will do them more than twice? Just a thought.

And of course we don't mind you spilling things here - that is what we are all here for. sometimes it just helps to write things down I think. I am always here for you Space - don't forget Skype too !!! It is ages since we talked on skype.

Anyway - just brushed the dogs outside 'cos they are SO furry and it goes everywhere, and my nose and face are itching and eyes are watering - allergies were bad enough today even before I did that!!

Love and hugs to all,

sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I think the to do listis a great idea sun and one I hadnt thought about I will have to try it. and yes th4e hair loss is a major se of the med Im taking, I also wonder if its got anything to do with my feeling so bad since I started taking it, which was when I stopped drinking. Its odd tho and maybe theres more to the fact that you also say you felt bad when you stopped for 8 months as well, it seems a bit of a coincidence doesnt it.

Im getting ready for bed now and I think I see the therapist tomorrow although when I just checked my calendar I had forgotten to write it down so I have sent her a text message and will just have to get ready and go for 10am anyway just in case because if I miss and appointment I just get discharged they dont give you a second chance which is very bad really considering it is a mental health service so they should know that people may not be the most organised or forget things when we are not feeling well.

much love space x

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Play I only just noticed that you posted, sorry. I am so happy for you that things are going so well you sound wonderful

I hope you have an amazing day out at the monestary, I think you will find it an enlightening experience

love space x

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So hard to comment on everyone - and so appreciate those of you who do!

Space - yeah, I'd be feeling a bit raunchy too that quitting drinking didn't solve 99% of my probs. So sorry about the hair/nail loss probs. Still, you are doing so much better AF than when you were drinking. Wish it were that easy for the rest of us!

Meggie, good to hear from you! Being out of school used to be "ok - pressure/strain is off, will drink less"...then I justiifed it with "I'm on vacation!" etc Hope the TOPA kicks in for you! Your counselor sounds pretty stereo-typical. Damn! Keep hanging on -

PLay - WOO to you in Spain! Sun - enjoy these hot days in your garden! Hope it's not so bad where you are. 102 today in Houston! UGH - tee'd off at 8:30, didn't finish until after 1...it was brutal the last few holes. My electric bill is almost $200 and continues to rise. SUCKS!!!

So my daughter has been on 50 mgs of TOPA for about a week - is never hungry, has the tingles and is hyper...plus claims to be sleepy all the time. That doesn't make sense to me, but her bff has been in town and they have been partying for 3 days, so thinking she just needs to catch up on sleep. It's weird. But the fact she immediately lost her appetite pissed me off!! UGH - she doesn't really drink except when out with friends, so if the desire not to drink has been a factor, it's really too soon to tell. I'll keep you all posted.

I have not really done anything differently in weeks. I should - just haven't. And alert the media: I have a man I've been talking to and will probably meet up with this week. He seems nice: tall, nice looking, plays golf...we'll see. I haven't felt good about myself in the last year or so, but turning 60 on Friday is making me sit up a bit straighter and thinking I need to let some of my self-conciousness go!! Going to Dallas the end of the month for a 60th b'day party with my HS class - like a mini-reunion. Have tried w/o success to lose at least 10 damn pounds. UGH - 25 days to go...

Hope all else is well out there!!

[Cleansed]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

On Topa for 7 weeks

I have adjusted well. Following dosage in MWO book, but just add 1 25 mg pill per week. Eat a banana for tingling, take all supplements for SE so my hair is fine. Lost 10 pounds. I was going for moderate drinking. I am off work for summer too so stress is relieved. I only drank after work and that has reduced although I can still drink a bottle of wine although I don't really want it anymore I too realize maybe I need to attempt to be AF . I need a therapist or meetings to get to my root pain. Topa is helping me to not black out from alcohol. It doesn't Affect me as much, but unfortunately when I feel like it I still can drink too much. I feel better than I did 2 months ago