New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I know Ive asked your opinions on this before but the problem is back again about my sons bedroom. It is now unberable in there he has his computer on a lot and because the room is so tiny the heat is awful even with the windo which is also tiny open wide so the only alternative I can think of is to give him my room, which would mean that I would have to have my bed downstairs in the living room and use his room as a dressinjg room keeping my wardrobe and dressing table in there whichin turn would sort another problem of my not having space for my clothes and stuff in my own room and it always being a mess with everything piled up on a table because its too small to0 have another wardrobe. I tell myself that people live in studio flats with there beds in there living room so really I want to ask Play asd I think you do this how does it go for you? we dont actually use the living room much as I prefere to sit at the dining table in the kitchen as its much brighter and I like to be with the dogs who are not allowed in the living room as they shed so much hair and I cant get it out of the furniture and rug. The more I think of this the more it makes sense but I need to check it out first with others as it seems such a massive decision. What do you all think, Im waiting until I see my counsellor as well a week on Monday to run it past her.

I needto add that my sons is studying music for his GCSE,s in school, they are the big exams you take here, I you fail them you cant continue on with your education and he plays drums as his instrument, for his birthday he wants money to put towards getting an electric drum kit as he needs to practice at home so if we dont change bedrooms the drum kit will have to go in the living room anyway making him spread out over the two rooms so the living room will be messed up either way. I am going to put my name down on the housing list for a bigger house but there is no guarantee that I will get one and even if that happens it will take a long time.

Please give me your thoughts on this whatever you think I will appreciate

love space xox

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo everyone....
Space - I was SO pleased to hear that you were going to the beach today - how lovely and from what I hear the weather is lovely right now in UK ! That should brighten your spirits I think .... I love being by the sea - I think it is something to do with all those positive ions in the air from the sea. Where I live, I am thousands of miles from the sea and as I used to live near it, in UK, I really miss it.

As far as your son's room. Without actually seeing your house, it is hard to offer an opinion. BUT, does your son keep his room tidy? Is there any way that any furniture could come out of his room? Is it because it is hot in there that you want to do this? Over here, we have ceiling fans in all the bedrooms and in the kitchen - they help enormously. I am not sure if you want to do this to give him more room or 'cos his room is hot? I don't think it is a good idea to give up your bedroom personally. If your bed was in the living room, you wouldn't have your 'space' that we all need. you need somewhere that you can go to be apart from the family sometimes and with your bed in the living room, it wouldn't happen. I think a ceiling fan, although it would cost to buy and have installed, would be a really good solution. Just my opinion I know - but you asked - LOL.

Buggy - I am SO sorry with all that is going on with your sister. That must be so hard for you, but I agree with Space - your sister must feel so much guilt and shame about it even though it wasn't HER. She must feel so bad that she thinks of it every time she sees you. I know that I would have been devastated wherever I was in the family. Could you maybe go to counselling with her or is that out of the question 'cos of distance? It is something that you both need to talk about and get the air cleared about. Please don't ever worry about ranting on here - Space said that is what we are here for. To be a support for each other - we have all had our times of ranting, and it doesn't matter - sometimes it is just good to get it out.

With all this swirling around in your head, it is hardly surprising that you are drinking more. Not that the drink is helping at all - in fact it is causing more problems. Just a thought, but maybe you could write to your sister, explaining how you feel, how upset you are..... and see what she replies? Assuming she does. Or could you go and visit her - say for two days, so it isn't TOO long but long enough for you both to TALK. It sounds like the elephant in the room to me.......

Anyway - hugs to you and I so hope that things get better soon.....

Well, I am off outside to the garden before the day gets so hot again. I was out there yesterday for too long and came in and fell asleep on the sofa for 2 1/2 hours !! Then had a shower and went to bed and had a terrible nights sleep 'cos I hadn't had a drink for so long that I didn't sleep!! I usually stop early anyway - but yesterday stopped about 3.00 so hadn't had much anyway and I guess it was all out of my system by the time I went to bed. Anyway today is another day - for all of us !!

Hugs, Sun XXX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

My family means alot to me, I have spent 55 years at my Mother's home for Christmas. She died in Oct. and we spent our last Christmas in her home. The Kids, 20 something still have their stockings in their place and they have to sleep where they always sleep. Family and the love cousins is so beautiful to watch. Reading about cousins rape is so sad. They are so young, do they know, yes, but sex overwhelms. My heart goes out to you

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Friends,
I will be home late Tuesday night and hope to spend some time on Wednesday replying to your posts here. Space, yes I live in a studio and want to tell you about it. I think I have some good ideas. Meggie, Bug, Dizz, sun, lots to say to you as well.

So, see you soon,
Love from Play

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Meggie I am so sorry about you mum you must really miss her, it sounds like you do. Do you talk about her much with your family, I think that helps us deal with the loss of a loved one to have someone close to go through it with. My mum is 84 and I know she wont be here for ever and I dare not think about how I will feel when she goes.

Sun do you have to drink every day so you can sleep, have you tried herbal sleep aids I take then every night along with a melatonin and usually get a good nights sleep, I do think tho that when our bodies are so used to alcohol it takes time for us to get used to not having it or even having less.

Play Im looking forward to you writing more and also hearing about your studio, Sun it is the lack of spasce in my sons room that is the problem it is less than 6 foot wide and there is no furniture that can be taken out as all he has in there now is a bed and computer table thats all that will fit, his clothes are kept in a cupboard on the landing. Also the thing with the living room is that I dont really like it, it is the worst room in the house it is dark and not very welcomming, but it isnt used by us much as my lads use there bedrooms all the time. The onlytime we sit in there is to watch tv while we eat and occasionally to watch a film so it wouldnt be a problem in some ways but I do like my bedroom that is the best room in the house and is bright which I dont totally understand as it is above the living room but there are still trees are still outside whic is what causes the lacks of light, my son cant get them right down and a tree guy charges too much. I dont really think I want to change rooms because of all this but reaslly cant see another way.

The beacg was good yesterday and we enjoyed ourselves although it did upset me that my eldest son didnt come he had been awake for around 48 hours yesterday morning and needed some sleep. I am so worried about him with his insomnia and agoraphobia I wonder if he will ever be able to live a good life.

love space xox

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Trying to sort out the visa... again. Family permit this time, so it should go smoothly but am waiting for hb's side of things as he's so busy at work. It's a bit frustrating but there's nothing I can do about it as he has to produce financial etc. that I have to wait for and meanwhile he is in Scotland working 16 hour days.

Space, I wouldn't personally give away my bedroom if I was you, especially as the light is so important to you: why can't he move into the lounge? Can you just change it into a bedroom for him and then change the dining room into a lounge? Do you have a garage that you can use for his drum kit practice? Could you appeal to the council to have the tree removed as its making part of your house inhabitable? Remind me again of how old your two sons are please.

Anyway, I'm glad that you enjoyed the beach and I'm sorry your older son is struggling. Is he getting the right care? It's just that listening to you, it would've been nice if he was able to also see when you're down and do nice things for you, instead of it always being you having to take care of him. That's usually the upside of kids growing up, or is supposed to be.

Sorry to hear about your mom, Meggie. I love my mom dearly and would miss her dearly if she was gone. I don't think daughters can help complaining about their moms and vice versa though, the bond there is just so close that we often get too deep in each other's business and we usually don't know how to live any other way.

And Buggy, I think its the same with sisters, although I don't have one of my own. If I was you I would fight for the relationship before giving up on it and mourning it. (if it comes to that) Its time to stop avoiding the elephant in the room and to tell her or write her a letter with everything in it that you've told us. I think deep down she feels so ashamed of what her son's done to your daughter and as she has always assumed the role of your protector she feels like she has failed you. Every time she sees you, you remind her that she has been a 'bad sister' to you, and therefore it's easier for her to avoid you. But nonsense to that, you need your big sis and you need to tell her that instead of drinking every night. You were making progress with drinking less and you can do it again. Empower yourself and stand up for yourself. You have so much good going for you. :l

Sun, not drinking doesn't keep me awake but it could actually be that if you wait a few hours after the last one, your body is 'digesting' the alcohol, which means its a bit too hyper for you to properly fall asleep. If I drink too much, I often wake up in the middle of the night. I envy your gardening, our bout of sunny days are gone and its back to huddling inside.

Fly safe Play, look forward to having you back with us in full. I know I still owe pics, have been feeling a bit woozy lately.

Love and hugs to all,

:l:l:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I cant believe no one has posted since yesterday when I did. Come on all you readers if you dont jion in there will be nothing to read anyway.

Houxtwhere have you gone, how are you. I really do want to pick your brains about online dating and get tips on it, I still havent even set up my profile

I didnt tell you all but the night before last I just fancies a drink, bacause I didnt have my bag with me to put anything in (I still have to drink n sectret as my son just wont take it that I can ever drink again) I got a small bottle of vodka, I had cans of pepsi in the fridge. I brought it home and poured myself one, it was nice to drink and I enjoyed it, I poured another and drank half of it but didnt want anymore so poured he rest away. Yesterday I didnt want any and dont today so far but am very wary of why I drank n the house when I had said I didnt want to start that again, I think its much easier to drink too much at home that when I go out and that was how my troubles started in the first place4 years ago the fact that I was drinking at home and never want to getinto that habit again.

xox

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I posted?confused

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

X posted Dizzy I do think the visa will eventually go through for you this time lets just hope it doesnt take too long so you get here to get some of the summer, it has been lovely here lately although I havent been making much of it apart from going to the beach. I am thinking that I cant give up my bedroom so will have to give my son the living room. Mt eldest son is 24 and the youngest is 14 next week, I have no garage as I say the house is tiny and I regret having ever moved in because I gave up a big house for this but was drinking at the time and it was really my daighter who took over and forced it through. I was drunk at the veiwing and only turned up because my mum and aughter came and made me go so I didnt even remember what the place was like until I got the keys but that is done now, I went to the housing office yesterday but it weas so packed with about 15 peole in front of me so I will try again this afternoon when I eventually drag myself out fo bed to get out. I am in a depression at the moment which I have know was coming on for over the past week, last week I spent all my bill money on god knows what, I dont have much to show for it I know that so I am worried about that although my mum is bailing me out again she doesnt have much money left either. I am just hoping that after all these months my benefits will eventually

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space - I can't believe you said that about no-one posting - we all have periods when no-one posts - I have, and I know that you have too. I know it is frustrating when YOU are the one posting - trust me, I have been there, but we all do the best we can.

So - I wonder what made you have that drink? And will you have more? I so hope not - I thought you had finally conquered the demon. How did it make you feel? And more importantly - WHY did you have it?

I am glad that you are not giving up your bedroom - you need to have a place that is 'yours'.

Can you take the stuff back that you bought with your bill money? That would help you out a bit money wise. I was hoping the therapist would be helping with issues like this.

Hi there Dizzy - yes, hopefully this time the visa will not be a problem. Although of course with Hubs working 16 hour days, it doesn't make life easy - LOL. Yes, I am loving the garden although our temps are crazy - heat index of 103 right now - way too hot to be outside.

Play - I am SO looking forward to seeing you back and to finally getting to chat with you. I know you need to get over your jet lag and all - but it is going to be so good to talk after so long !!!

Oh yes Space - I have tried herbal sleep aids - in fact I take a Melatonin every night. But that one night, it did diddly. If I do drink, it is fine and strangely enough if I don't it is fine too - it is when I have drinks earlier in the day that I have a problem sleeping !!!

Anyway - I need to shower and hairwash and get to bed - I have to be up at 4.00 tomorrow morning. Love and hugs to all,

love, Sun XXXX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh gosh Space - you have been posting every day and now you haven't. PLEASE tell me I haven't upset you? It was obviously NOT my intention. Please come back ....... I am so sorry........ I do tend to open my mouth and insert my foot. You know I don't mean anything bad by it - please come back and keep posting - I feel I should delete the last post!!!! Please PM me if you are upset with me ????

love and hugs,

sun XXX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

All of you are so interesting, I feel that it is wonderful that you all care so much for each other. So I am trying to figure out who is clean and who isn't. I assume Dizzy is, and wondering about the others. I feel I drink more then most of you. I want to know why I drink. I like the selections of books. I like the bantering. I will post more, you are a neat group

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

A quick message while. I wait to have my TB X-ray done. Yes, UK authorities assume I have TB and HIV until proven otherwise. I can get the Xray for a thousand Rand but will never be allowed to donate blood while there.

Meggie, I'm clean at times thanks to antabuse, am right now but was definitely not during engagement and wedding! My head would've exploded!

Sun, Space mentioned feeling good and then a depression coming on, I'm sure it wasn't anything you said. Also, we have different needs at times, when I post a lot I often feel like no one is posting but when I just read it almost always feels busy here.

Space, seems like you're going through a lot, I. Hope you are OK.

Gotta run for my test.

XXX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone ....

Meggie - nice to see you. I still drink but constantly trying to cut down. I don't drink a lot I suppose by some standards - but drink more than I would like to. I never get drunk - I just DON'T do hangovers - LOL. I am always a work in progress and hopefully by finding out why I drink, which I am working on now, I will be able to stop - or control it to be like normal folk!

Dizzy - that is so ironic that you could never donate blook in the UK. Hubs and I were there for three years when he was in the military and because of that I can never again donate blood or platelets here in USA - I used to do both regularly. Because of mad cow disease - the fact that I am veggie and never ate beef is irrelevant - there isn't a box to be ticked for veggies !! It really annoys me as there is always a need for blood and I was a regular donor before we went to UK for that 3 years.

I hope you are right about Space - I even thought about deleting that post - but if any damage is done, it already is.

Love and hugs to all - oh, and welcome back Play (in advance - LOL)

Sun XXX

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi everyone, i'm doing a little better, i have been in alot of pain for the las month, maybe that is one of the reasons i have been drinking so much. i went to the doctor and he put me on a med that takes a couple of weeks to kick in and i think it is finally helping a little. Last night i didn't drink, and went to bed at 9:30 and i actually fell asleep and slept until 7:30 this moring, I guess I was just exhausted needed to detox...Trying to drink alot of water, hopefully i will continue to cleanse. I feel alot better today, have a clear head today, lately i have been so fuzzy headed, i hate it!! can't think, can't remember, all reactions to alcohol!! My body is telling me STOp'!!! Anyway, i have thought about my sister and talked to my other sister and she tells me to stop taking it so personally, that Lori, the sister i have the issue with has her own issues, knows that she has cut me out and just cant deal with it, she tells me to just call her and say that I heard my nephews wedding was real nice and that I am very happy for him and for her, and try and act like nothing is wrong. In doing that it kind of takes the pressesure off of the situation. I don't know if I can do that, but for now, I am just going to leave it alone and try and forget about it.
Meggie, Im glad you are joining our little circle of gals, I am a newbie too and feel very comfortable and accepted and supported in very tough time and situations. These are good people.
Space, you have alot to deal with with your sons and the home situation....while being so supportive to others, Dont be hard on yourself and don't give up your room. You deserve privacy!!
Dizz, Sun , Play, Houtx, ...everyone else, your all in my thoughts every day!! Bug