New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there - me again. Another AF day yesterday - I will stop posting about them now 'cos I know each one is going to be the same. STILL cannot really believe it myself - such a change in my mental outlook !!!

Hope everyone has a good day,

love and hugs, sun XXX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there,

Sun dont stop posting about how your doing, I dont believe that everyday is the same for you, well done on staying AF. Are you willing to tell us how you are doing it, you where so insistant that you didnt want to stop drinking before can you tell us what has changed in your thinking it may help others, and you to say it to someone else. If you dont want to thats ok tho too. It is such an amazing transformation.

Play Im so proud of yu for sticking to the AB 5/7 for all this time, I know you have had a few bumps but that doesnt matter you have been doing it successfully long term now and mostly by yourself I think since you havent been able to post here much. Im sorry to hear about your daughter and son it is so heartbreaking to see our children suffer but all you can really do is love them and be there for them, offer to help when its possible.

I also think that for me the drinking is a symptom not a cause and want to work with my therapist on all the issues you mentioned. One of the main reasons Im not drinking is because I dont think that with my situation, having to sneak drinks, I will be able to focus fully on that while piling on more guilt and worry of my son finding out I have even one drink at the same time. After I had those few drinks a couple of weeks ago I did use AB to stop, I am still not decided tho whether this stopping drinking is the answer long run, it pus too much importance on alcohol and its the other stuff thats important..

Houxt happy to see you do your post, good on you for thinking about cutting down again, my last house sounds a bit like your friends, its the one I left for this shoebox we are in now and was about twice the size but it was such a mess, I had been drinking 24/7 there, the dogs and the kids had done their share of wrekage and we got mice on top of it all which we couldnt get rid of. I always regret losing that house if I lived there now I would be able to sort it but at the time had no chance.

Bri good to see you as well and its good you are still at the topa, when you dont post I dont know if youve given up or not so Im happy to see you havent. The drink is very depressing and apart from being a depressant it makes our lifestyles and situation depressing too. I do think if you try to cut down the topa will start working better and also keeping connected will help as well.

Stuck cool to hear from you, you have done amazingly well, I know you do get down and that you are managing to keep going though that is great

Well I am still not drinking but right now not even managing to get out of bed until miday. I feel like Im wasting most of my sons summer holiday because hes sitting in on his own, he says his friends wont go outanywhere and I should really be trying to get him out not lying in bed, its nearly 2.30 and Im not dressed yet. My pain has been pretty bad recently which is a big cause of this but so is just having no routine.

Got to go now and get dressed and get out of this house.
space x

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning dear friends:h

Dear Space, I'm sure Sun will share with everyone here more about her process at some point.

I cant speak for Sun but I want to share with you what I have been doing for quite some time now to work on my symptoms of anxiety, loneliness, guilt, sadness and much more.

If you might remember that I went to Spain right before the baby was born because the doctors knew something was wrong and my daughter was having practically a mental breakdown. I'm sure I mentioned the therapist that we found there at that time, a young woman, I can't remember where from. She is a psychologist and also works with some energy techniques called "releasing trapped emotions". If you want to read a little about this you could look at the book by Bradley Nelson called The Emotion Code.

So I also started going to her while I was there every time I went to Spain and since my last trip recently have been working with her on Skype and it is just like being there. I have also been reading all the books by David R Hawkins which all have to do with raising our level of consciousness. I've been doing the lessons each day from A Course in Miracles, going to a meditation center near my house and in general devoting myself to learning to see life in a different way. The therapist is really a miracle worker and kind of really got me on this path as she did my daughter also.

So I'll also share with you guys something that I didn't really want to put out there in case it didn't happen but it seems like I have been given a miracle. As I said before I have thought that my drinking was a symptom of the pain and sadness, etc., that I had felt in my life and that if I could release these emotions then the compulsion to drink would go away by itself and that is exactly what has happened.

Suddenly I have found that I have no desire to drink, a fleeting thought now and then but nothing else. I also have not taken the AB for quite some time because I wanted to give myself the power of choice about whether I drink or not. I don't want to put any labels on myself such as, I am an alcoholic, I can never drink again, or any such thing and I am sure I will still have a glass of wine sometimes or not.

I'm happy to talk with you on Skype more about it or email.

Space and everyone else, love you. Hope this explains a little about my process and I'm happy to answer questions.

Play

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Play thank you so much for telling me about that, I am very grateful that you found it ok to put out here what you are doing, especially since what I have been working on all this time is wanting to have the power of control as to whether I drink or not. I will definately look mo0re into it. I need to get some direction of where Im going. It is great that she was able to hlep your daughter so much as I know she had so much to deal with at that time and it is wonderful that their family is now happy and well

. I will ask my therapist does she know anything about it and what she thinks of it although I dont want my therapy to be based around my drinking so we dont work on that. I need to work on the same things that seem to bother you, the anxiety, loneliness, guilt and sadness. We where working on my lo0nlyness and isolating and I was starting to go out and be with people but then she took a holiday for two weeks and I have really let things slide. I see her again on Monday and have missed my sessions so much, much more than I could ever have believed.

So once again Play I thank you for helping me.

Love space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there - yes Space - everyday is the same as far as the drinking goes. I just don't want it.

I have been seeing the same therapist as Play - working on the same or similar issues. Once we found out why I drank, it was a case of removing the beliefs that I had about it so I could be ME without drinking. I am also reading the David R Hawkins books but haven't as yet looked at The Course In Miracles. I have SO much reading to do and David Hawkins isn't something you can skim through !!! The whole lot of this, just is life changing - and I will be forever grateful to Play for introducing me to her therapist who has worked miracles with me. We are now working on beliefs for the smoking as that has to be next. It is really hard to explain in a few words - all I can say is, as Play says - it is like a miracle. I feel so different - I am not saying I would NEVER have another drink but I certainly don't want one. If my aunt gets a bottle of wine in with dinner when I stay with her in UK, and she has one glass, I might have a glass - but I can not see me drinking before that - and even then I am not sure I will. Right now I doubt it.

If you have any other questions please feel free to ask ...... as i said, it is sort of hard to explain really.

anyway, time for bed,

love and hugs, sun XX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Reading posts......will check in later w/ more as I am able. School year starting in a couple of weeks w/ the kids; we have to start w/ 2 wks of "in-service meetings". Basically bullshit...
Trying to keep wine consumption at a minimum (2-3 glasses max)...then take a hi-ball of minty Vodka to bed to watch "Mad Men"

That's me right now...UGH!!!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houxt well done on cutting down it really will help you start to feel better you have said in the past about the pysical battering the drinking gives our bodies and cutting down even a bit has to help lessen that. Has yu daughter unwittingly mentioned any difference in her drinking.

I havent heard f Mad Men is it on Netflix< I will look out for it I have just over one series left of Breaking Bad and am starting to wonder what I will do when Ive finished it.

space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all !

Space - hope that I explained what I am doing okay - Play seems to explain it much better than me. I waffle too much!

Houtx - good to see you and yes, cutting down is really good - that sounds like a step in the right direction definitely ! Sorry about all the meetings and stuff you need to go to - what a bore !!

Had another AF day yesterday and feel really good.

getting ready for work - love and hugs to all,

Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry Sun when I made tat last post I somehow didnt see your one just before it, yes it does sound like amiracle but it seems to be working fantastically with you and Play which I am so so happy about for you both. Any way of beating this is the right way so long as it works for you. I havent had a chance to look throught the Hawkins stuff yet today I realised that itis only two more weeks off school and I wanted to do so much over the holidays and have wasted so much time, I want to go on a few days out which entail a fair bit of motorway driving, I havent been able to drive on a motorway for over ten years since I was in the car crash and then started having panic attacks so I am devising an intensive three day trying to get rid of panic course for myself. It entails lots of guided meditation that I have found on you tube and also binaural beats to listen to going to sleep andwhile asleep. Tommorrow I am cutting out coffee which is a biggie for me and will be going to buy lots of juice instead. I see my therapist on Monday and wil tell her then that I need to spend the session oj this and see what she says. I am intending to start with a shorter but busy drive to the forest on Tuesday and see how it goes. I know this may seem a bit unrealistic for me to do by myself but I have been trying for so long to get over this slowly or with other help and nothing has worked so this is my big try.

I will let you all iknow how it goes

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

BRAVO Space, seems like you are doing some very good work and I'm proud of you and waiting to hear how things go along. Remember it is a process that is actually happening even when we think nothing is happening

Love, play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey there people ! Another AF day behind me. Space - I thought that you hadn't seen my post somehow ! The Hawkins books are quite hard going but eventually do make sense - it took me some time to get into them but I love them now !! I am just grateful to Play and the therapist and Hawkins for enabling me to do this and make it so easy.

Good for you trying to get over your fear of motorway driving - I know they can be scary to drive on as the cars are fast - and if you had an accident, you will have to get over that fear too. I am glad that you are trying to do this though. You sound quite determined and are choosing good ways to overcome it.

I am planning on spending today in the garden - lots of work to do as usual!

back later,

hugs, sun Xx

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I need a new mind frame, what do the Hawkin books teach you. Also, how much are you paying to skype this person. Is she/he working with your mindset. Just talked with my doc yesterday, she says it is the craving that is attacking me, not the fact that it calms me down and it is my reward for working so hard during the day.
I am worried about not sleeping, going back to work in a couple of weeks and I know I an doing harm to my body but still so enjoy my friend the drink.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Meggie - just in from the garden but I will PM you later - came in for some water......

hugs, sun XXX

[briseus]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello everyone,
I am sorry that I haven't been posting too much...just chippin' away at the ol' block if you will. I am at 100mg on the Topamax...and have just been so busy with working full time and doing school full time, working through the big of brain fog I've been going through and yes, definitely the pins and needles have gotten a bit worse...
I would like to say though, that today is day 5 of being AF.
I am not sure why I didn't get back on here after day 1 to say that I got through the first night. I am not sure what clicked in for me.
I really thought I was going to have that nightcap after Monday when I posted but as I sat in the tub reading Allan Car's book, I just decided that I wasn't going to...then the next day I was afraid that I was going to...and I never did...every day it is in the back of my mind, but as the days pass, I really just don't want to drink. I don't want to feel the way that I felt.

I am afraid that the weekend is going to be a different story. Isn't the weekend always the toughest for us all??
We are to have friends over...and of course they are drinkers...
I might have one or two...I am just afraid that I may fall off the deep end...and then again, what if I don't??
What if I am like so many of you - Playland sticks out in my mind particularly (especially reading back on her journey from the beginning and how she just nursed one or two drinks throughout the entire night).

Is it the Topa? Is it me?
What if I get off the Topa? Is it all in my head? So may questions running through my head all the time...and is the brain fog from the Topa? Or is it from being AF?
I remember when I was AF in the past I was always so tired and my head was always murky but that was because my body was adjusting from just not drinking.
I am not losing weight but I am also not really eating...is my body going into panic mode because I am not consuming at least 1,200 calories in food and than another 1,200 calories in just booze?
I know I need to give myself a break and not over think things...
But yea, just wanted to say hi.
And happy Saturday!

Oh...and I'm also a massive b*tch lately.
But what else is new. LOL! :H

Lots of

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there Bri - I understand what youy are going through as far as school and work - my daughter does it - she will have not had a day off for three weeks when she gets her next day off !!!

WELL done on day 5 of being AF !! Wonderful - I would hazard a guess that it IS the Topa - and even if you do drink when your friends come over, IF it is, you will find you don't want to drink as much - or that was what I found when it first kicked in for me.

Yes, I too was worried about the weekend the first weekend I was AF - couldn't imagine a weekend without my Guinness and actually enjoying being without it - but it came and went and I was fine. I didn't want any - and am now on my second weekend - out in the garden and drinking water. Which is what I should have anyway!

It is interesting that before when you have been AF your head was murky - so it isn't necessarily the Topa which is a good thing and I wouldn't even think about coming off it - not yet anyway!

Don't worry about not losing weight with the being AF - your body is still getting used to not having any AL - once it gets used to it, I am sure the weight will start to come off.

Back to the garden - came in for MORE water !!

hugs, Sun XX