New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Sun I am very proud of you for not drinking and being happy with it. I know you say it is easy and you are doing nothing but you have put in the work with the therapist and sticking with reading and understanding the books so it is you who is doing all this.

I also totally understand what you mean about just not thinking about drinking because that is the state of mind I have had most of the past 8 months, there have been times when I thought about drink but couldnt see the point but then I had my little experiment to see if I could just have a drink but as I said I was scared it would go out of control so stopped again using some antabuse. I am back to just not really thinking about drink again and not bothering with the antabuse because I only needed it for a few days or so. After my experiment I have decided that I dont want to drink for another while or rather think about whether I will, I have more to work on right now and for me the drink is a side matter nowadays rather than the main issue.

Bri so well done on those 5 days, yes your body does take time to heal and get used to not having drink inside although I dont know if its about the calories so much but you do need to eat well now, drink has starved your body of its nutrients and you need to put them back, your weight isnt really the issue here is it while your working on drink. I think it is the topa working but you also say you are reading the Allen Carr book so you are also helping yourself in other ways rather than just waiting for the topa which is really good. I have read quite a few people say that book helped them a lot. Tell us what happened over your weekend I look forward to hearing, enjoy yourself.

Meggie you say you enjoy your friend the drink but if that is really true why are you looking for a way to stop drinking. Do you really believe that drink is your friend, I understand because I used to call it my friend, but if it is a friend its not a very good one, it treats you like shit amd just leaves you feeling bad. I dont know if you are able to pay to skype the therapist or could just use the books but in the meantime maybe you could try some guided meditationwhich is free on you tube and only takes a half hour or so a day and may help your mental state become clearer. I have found a good one called "Meditation for anxiety and depression Leonie Faye" if you just put thast into you tube you should find it. Also I am trying to put on binaural beats while I go to sleep. You can also find these on you tube if you look for one around an hour long and just put it on before you settle down to sleep it may help with your sleep as well. There are a few different ones and I am using an Alpha one. Do you take vitamins, a vitamin B complex is cheap and will problably help you as alcohol destroys your b vits and they look after your central nervous system.

I have had a pretty crap day. I listened to my stuff last night and this morning was very tired but got up and had a drink and took my [pain meds which I have to do every morning then wait for them to kick in before I can move properly. I again listened to my meditation so all was well. I had planned a chilled out day but as my son had stayed in my daughters last night I went to collect him around 12ish, she then got me to give her a lif to my aunts where she cleans and gets payed for it, I ended up having to stay and wait for here for over an hour because it had started raining and then my mum was going on thast she needed a haircut and will I do it then, in the car going to my mums my daughter starting snapping at me again, she talks to me like shit some times and expects me to take it, today I had enough and ended up telling her to f off left her at my mums and drove home. I have felt ill all day with the stress, had a headache and not even able to get myself together enough to cook tea. She can be abusive and when she was younger used to be violent towards me, she was a terirrible teenager and I do think her behaviour was partially responsible for me having a breakdown and drinking so much. Although she doesnt live with me anymore so it isnt constant like it used to be I am not prepared to take it now, I cant I am too ill for it all. I do hope this doesnt end in my not being able to talk to her but if she doesnt stop I will have to stop seeing her I think. I am trying to get myself better and I cant have her dragging me down. It will break my heart she is my daughter and I dont know why she treats me so bad, she used to say I deserved it because I drank but she started it before my drinking became a problem and is continuing it now when I dont drink so it has nothing to do with my drinking at all thats just an excuse she used.

This is so hard for me but it needs sorting and I have to do it now because it will jsut continue forever if I dont. She is 26 and married so you would think she would have grown up and come to her senses.

space x

[downsouth]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sober for a week and dang proud. Down from 10 plus years of averaging a 12 lite beers a night. Thanks to Topa and will power. I was about to give up and switch to Bac, but turned the switch and quit drinking over the Topa. Oddly enough I don't feel any different in the AM. Still somewhat depressed, tired and struggle to smile. Energy level down and seems so contrary to what I expected. Healthy normal weight non smoker that is very perplexed. Any words of wisdom?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Very swift reply to Downsouth - first of all - WELL DONE on being sober for a week - that is such an accomplishment ! I am so proud of you. It is going to take some time for your body to adjust to not having the AL in it - when I quit some time ago - one of my quits, I felt the same - I kept expecting to feel great - but it never happened - all I can say is keep on keeping on - your body will get back to normal. It just takes time. I am so happy that the Topa is working for you with minimal side effects!!

Space - thanks for the kind words - yes, I have put the work in and am so happy with how I am feeling about it all.

I am so sorry that you had a bad day - your daughter does sound abusive and I am glad that you are standing up to her this time. Can you talk to your therapist about it? I think it might be a good idea. Yes, at 26, she should be more grown up - and I agree that she was using your drinking as an excuse. You deserve better than the way she is treating you and I think you need to let her know that.....tell her that you are not going to put up with it any more. What does your mum think about it or doesn't she know? Maybe she can talk to her ? Just a thought..... perhaps your daughter doesn't even realise she is doing it and she needs someone to point it out?

anyway I have to get to bed,

love and hugs all,

Sun XX

[briseus]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello everyone,
First off, I would just like to begin by saying to Space that yes...your daughter does sound immature and abusive to take these things out on you and then blame it on your drinking even when you yourself said the timeline of things don't even jive. I agree with Sun in maybe talking to your therapist about it if you haven't already. That must be quite hurtful and heartbreaking for you to go through. Especially considering she is 26.
I just turned 27 and I can't imagine throwing something like that in my own Moms face if she was struggling with something like alcoholism.
Stay strong Space. You don't deserve that crap! I wonder though why she does what she does...
I am sorry you have to go through this.


I drank last night.
I kinda had to force myself.
I didn't particularly want to. But I must admit I am also OCD so when I approach certain situations that side comes out of me sometimes (I do hope that makes sense ~ people who suffer from it may get it).
I wanted to but I didn't.
I was doing pretty good all day but then the usual time rolled around...and I really thought I could do it and I probably really could have. But it's also the people around you that drink and it's the situations and you sort of miss the habits and the "good ol times". Honestly. It wasn't anything wow.
It was a fun night. But I sat there and thought to myself that it could probably have been just as fun without booze. Why do we lie to ourselves?
Then of course I woke up with a mini headache.
Sundays are hard for me too. I can't remember my last sober Sunday. I am really going to try and plan this day out so I am constantly busy.
It's funny how that voice in the back of your head tries so hard to convince you why drinking is so great. But this time it's more muffled than before.

Sorry if this isn't making much sense. I just woke up.
I just hope I didn't ruin all that hard work last week. I know I didn't. I know I just pick myself up and dust myself off.
I just don't want this constant internal struggle forever. I don't want to wake up everyday and think about alcohol and whether I will drink for the rest of my life.
It was honestly so much easier last week waking up and knowing I wasn't going to drink. Not having to worry about how I was going to get it, if I had enough money for it, if the amount was going to get me drunk enough, if it was going to give me a hangover, if I was going to get caught if I snuck around with it, if this was going to give me a black out (AGAIN), etc etc etc.

Life without alcohol really is much better and easier.

Bri.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have loads to do but just want to pop on quick and tell you all that m7 daughter did phone last night and said sorry, I told her that sorry only meant anything if it meant change I hav4e heard it too many times. She told me she didnt do it to make me feel bad so I explsained to her that her that when she talks to me like that it does make me feel bad whether she means it or not. I put it to her that when I used to0 drink a lot it was never with the intentiion of making anybody feel bad but it did and she kind of understood then. Time will tell I guess but I have told that that I have had enough it makes me ill when I am trying to get well.

Down south I wish I had more time but firstly well done on the not drinking, that is massive and you need to be really proud of yourself. I have taken both topa and bac and if I had to pick between them again it would be topa because the se,s from bac can be ruthless for a long time and for me I had to stop tasking it because of them, I couldnt function and look after my son while taking it. I have bipolar but a major part of that is depression and I too expected to feel good when I stopped drinking but there are two things going on, one is it taskes time for your body ad mind to reajust and heal from all the drinking when you stop and the second is that you may well have suffered with the depression anyway but because you where drinking so much you couldnt know what was going on with you. Keep it up you are doing great and it will only get better now. The topa does work but you do need to help yourself too.

Bri, I wouodnt worry at all about drinking, not wanting to give up the "good olditmes is hard for me too" but they are gone and it gets old trying to recreate something thats gone. Also the thought that you "should" be drinking, the habit will take time to change and the just giving it a go, you are on the right track and you know it, it just takes time dont worry. I used to wake up everyday and think about drink, now I pretty much never do and it will happen for you too.

Thabks for the kind words about my situation with my daughter.

love space

[downsouth]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thanks

daisies and space thank you - Yes I believe I suffer from depression and oddly enough I used to be the life of the party. I am still highly functional, but the happy functional is not what it used to be I can act it at work. I am in medical sales and do well, but used to extremely well.

Middle age crisis, alcohol and stress difficult.

Briseus - it is hard it and I drank over my Topa for two months until I had the worst hang over in my life. I drank to get the buzz, maybe about 20 or so and could barely get out of bed or even look at a beer last Sunday. That was my trigger. I got the board and read about drinking over topa and realized that it was just a habit not something I had to do.

So began my week of sobriety.

[briseus]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Habits.
Hmmm. Good thing I picked up another book last week called "The Habit Change Workbook". It's supposed to be coming in the mail tomorrow. Maybe that'll help me as well.
I really wanted a drink yesterday. But not because I craved it. But because I wanted it out of habit. Out of wanting it "for old times sake" because it is what I did every Sunday. This was the first sober Sunday I have had in pretty much a year.
I thought that if I didn't have a drink than somehow something would fall apart. How delusional can alcoholics be sometimes. Wow.
Well, nothing fell apart and here I am. Feeling better for it.
Onwards and upwards as they say.
Eff you alcohol.

[briseus]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ps.
I am thinking of staying on 100mg for a while. I am not sure I have enough pills to up my dosage before I see my doc next anyway. I don't want to be out before I see him next anyway and I am feeling pretty good...
Although he might kill me because I was supposed to set up a meeting with a therapist.
That was supposed to be a month ago...
Oops.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there ladies.

Just dropping by to say hello, since I'm visiting back home and therefore can't tell you anything about what I'm doing because no one wants to hear about making out with multiple women, etc.

But anyways, other than that I'm anxious as f**k like almost all the time, had the worst night of panic and insomnia last night that I've had in a long time, and just don't get it. I am taking a 1/2mg of Ativan maybe every other day or so, but I simply cannot believe that it's the cause. For the record, I'm still using the pills from the prescription I got back in February, so it's not like I've developed a benzo addiction or anything like that. So I just don't know WTF.

100 days AF today, by the way. I would stab any random person on the street in their throat with a Sharpie for one sweet taste of whiskey. Oh well--guess it's a good thing I don't drink anymore, so I don't have to go stabbing anyone...

:l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Everyone,

Just checking in and see lots of newish faces welcome here and this place is a super good place to be among people who understand.

I'm doing quite well and keeping super busy with my reading and meditation, etc.

Space I hope your daughter thinks about her behavior to you and yes if it keeps up I think it would be better for you to withdraw from her for now just to take care of yourself.

Dizz, hope married life is FANTASTIC!

I'm really very impressed with your 100 days Stuck, you seem to have an iron will when you decide to apply it

Love all of you and see you soon.
Play

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Bri, I am soooo happy for you and impressed that you managed not to drink on Saturday, yes you are right in that a lot of it is habit so the more often you dont drink especially when you normally would have the easier it will get as you break that habit. You are doing amazingly well and I love reading your posts as it makes me happy to see it.

Downsouth please dont put yourself under pressure you do well at your job and that is good enough, also the life and soul of the party, to keep up the act is tiring. People change when they get older even without the drink coming into it, middle age is hard to accept for most people I think. Well done on the not drinking please keep posting and letting us know how you are getting on.

Play as always it is super good to hear from you, I am happy that you are keeping up with your meditations and reading, I need to do more so I could do with someone to motivate me.

Stuck great to hear from you, I too have terrible anxiety and panic attacks and havent yet found a way of combating them. I dont think its from the xanax either, I take less valium thast you do xanax because my pdoc is such an arse hole about prescribing and makes me beg for 20 even but I think that anxiety breeds more anxiety and the longer it goes on the worse it gets, I argue this fact with my pdoc who agrees and say that I take no where near the amount it takes to get addicted until she eventually has to agree and give me some but then we have to go through that every two months or so. I very rarely mention that I take a low amount of valium on here because I get fed up of people chiming in to try to inform me of their addictive potential as if they are the first person to mention it and I didnt know about it, so anyone reading this please dont do that it is just annoying. I am trying to do guided meditations of you tube which I do find helpful but for some reason just keep on forgetting or not bothering.

As for me I jsut said I havent kept up with the plan from Saturday of trying to spend 3 days meditating and stuff to help with my anxiety, I have no excuse except not being bothered really so thats lack of motivation I think although I dont know why this is. I saw my therapist yesterday who has now agreed that it is time for me to do in depth work on myself. She ays she has to be careful doing this when someone has addiction problems in because the emotions it can bring up can lead people to drink again because they cant cope with it but we have both decided that I am now at a time where my recovery from alcohol addiction is strong enough that this is not a problem for me. I am not doing addiction therapy as I think I dont need it, I have pretty well got my alcohol addiction beat now. We talked about the problems I have with my daughter but also other family members and I think I will get a lot from continuing with her, she is a wonderful therapist I wish I could see her more often and when my free 16 weeks are up if I feel I need to see her more I will ask her how much she charges for private sessions with her so I could maybe see her once a month for a while to maintain and continue on the work I am doing, throughtout the years I have struggled with my alcohol addcition I have seen many therapists and counsellors but this woman is the best I could ever wish for, she is easy to talk to and has a way of relaxing me so I can communicate what is going on, she is also very knowledgable and both experienced and highly qualified. I am so lucky to have found her and appreiciate it very much. I have heard others say that therapy can change your life but never believed it could change mine until now. Unfortunately next Monday is a bank holiday so she isnt working so I dont see her for two weeks I really notice the difference when I miss a week. In case anyone reading this wonders what kind of therapy there is out there the type we are doing is interpersonal psychotherapy and I would highly recommend it.

space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good day everyone !

Still AF and feeling great.

Bri - go you on not drinking on Sunday - I know that weekends are a dangerous time so really well done. And yes, it is out of habit once the Topa kicks in and I hope the book helps you. You must let us know how it goes. If the 100mg is working for you, then don't worry about going up on it..... but also don't stop taking it 'cos from experience I can tell you that once you do, it never seems to be the same second time round !!

Hi there Stuck - I am so sorry that you are feeling so anxious all the time - I am not sure what to suggest or say. We both know that AL wouldn't help in the long run plus as you are 100 days AF it would really be a shame to change that. Anyway nice to see you drop in.

Space - it sounds as if you have found a really good therapist thank goodness - you seem to be making progress. And yes, when those old emotions come up, that is when you might be tempted to drink but I think you have that under control. You just have to sit and be with them and work through them. I am so happy for you that things are going a little better for you.

Downsouth - it IS easy to drink over the Topa but you have to put some effort into it - let the Topa do its work. How are you doing now? How are you feeling? Please drop by and let us know.....

I need to get ready for work,

Hugs to all,

sun XX

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hello everyone, have been away for awhile i know. have been dealing with some issues anzxiety related that have been causing me an extreme amount of pain. The pain then causes me extreme anxiety, so on so on..... It is an anxiety issue i have had for more than 20 years but never to this extreme, it has been dibilitating. I have seen a doctor who has referred me to specialist. I am currently waiting to hear from them. Waiting. not doing great....have been reading most of your posts....To those of you that have been having succes, i am excited and happy for you and those that are struggling, i feel your pain, but don;t give up, it's mostly mind over matter i think...I care about you all...Bug

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there buggy - good to see you and not so good with what you have been going through. Glad that you are going to be seeing a specialist though. Hope that you get to see the specialist soon.

Hugs to all,

Sun XX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a quick check in to say hi and I've. Been thinking of you all. I'm on my way to meet hubby and then we're going to some godforsaken place in Essex where nothing is happening except his brother from Ireland is there on a business trip. Not looking forward to the one hour rush hour tube journey that will form part of our two hour journey. He's also running late so I think I'm in for a loooong journey.

Then on Saturday we're going to Bournemouth by the coast, which some people unkindly call the elephant's graveyard as it has so many old people. Can't blame people for wanting to retire where there's more sun and sea though.

Not sure about the having kids thing, guess I always thought its something that everybody does so its the first time I question it. At 33 I probably have 2 years to make my mind up.

Nearly at the station.

Love and hugs to all.

XXX