New here and starting Topa and with a question

[briseus]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay. I am really going to try to not ramble on too long here.

SUN! *~* Quitting smoking can definitely be tricky...my boyfriend has tried time and time again. I just up and quit...not sure what stuck. I was sick for a week and went four days without smoking and just decided not to pick up again and that was that. That was nearly 3 years ago. I have faith in you Sun, you can do it.

I am currently reading Mindful Recovery by Thomas Bien. I just started, so I don't really have an opinion on it so far. I did read Allen Car's book...and I am not sure what to really make of it. It is my second time reading it, and some of it does make sense to me...

I just hate people compared to others...it just makes me feel like "less" of a person? If that makes sense? Because I am ME, so what is the point?
It just has me overthnking and feeling more down and out sometimes. Especially feeling as fragile as I do right now.

SPACE! *~* I hear ya...being compared to is just not nice...and so I completely understand what you have gone through when you have been compared to your brother. My Mom and I have a pretty good relationship...we are so close and like best friends that sometimes when we get into arguments we tend to use things against each other that we know will hurt our feelings.
I know that I have many things to be proud of, but I feel like I haven't "accomplished" anything. Like...no medals, or certificates on the wall...or...anything, Ya know? I know that sometimes things like that aren't important...just would be nice.
Needless to say, I didn't really relax over the weekend. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I always need to be on the go. :/ Lol.
It's as if I sit still for too long my brain goes into overdrive and I can't have that.

PLAY! *~* Do you think willpower is wrong when dealing with our addictions? I just read Carr's book and he seems to think so but I don't agree with everything he says in that book so I am curious as to what everyone thinks about these things.
I don't think I will stop the Topa. Tomorrow I have a check-up appointment with the doc about the Topa. I am curious what he will say. He allowed me to try this as an off-label use...so we'll see. I guess I should write notes down. I also did blood work. I wonder what my liver levels were like a month ago. :/
I'm going to also Google what you suggested. I am interested in meditation, mindfulness as well as Buddhism. I also have heard of Peda Chodron...she interests me, as do her books.
I also recently purchased a Habit Change Workbook...I wonder if that will help me along.

I almost had a drink yesterday...as my boyfriend and I were getting on one anothers nerves. I was |---| this close...but then I laid in bed and just rode it out. I thought to myself that if I drank, sure I would feel better for that hour...but than I would feel like such crap the next day. I would feel disappointment and I don't want to go through that anymore.
Upping my dosage on Wednedsay. Hope it gives me the kick in the ass I need.
I also need to do a little better at time management and do a little more practise at my mindfulness as well.
Exercise (my daily walking with my pup and boyfriend) is helping too...sometimes I am so lazy...but I gotta do it. It really does help.

Okay. I gotta shut up!
Time to work!
Welcome to all the newbies! I keep talking about myself!!!
Oh, just wanted to ask...how are you doing Downsouth?? Are you still sober and how many mg of Topa are you on right now? I don't know how I missed your message! Omg. Must be the Topa Dopa! :P

Bri.*

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Bir,
Just a quick response to your question about willpower. I think what I really meant to say was using the power of "your intention" which kind of means deciding what you want and then making the effort to achieve it. Using your Will to continue working towards the goal of Your Intention. When we put out our Intention to the Universe then circumstances start to happen to help us make it a reality in our lives. Someone else may explain this in a different way, many different ways, but the essence is the same.

Much love and Hugs
to all of us here

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Hi Play great to hear from you, and that you are doing things that are making you happy which is great. Im not really into the spiritual stuff but do know it can have an amazing effect on people who do it I know you where interested in it before. Also its great that your drinkingis getting under control as well.

Bri I am wanting to stop smoking but have never had a day without a cigarette in over 30 years. I did get an ecig and it was great, I cut down to 3 hand rolled a day and was intending to stop that week but I started getting a bad stomach with it, I also get the same stomach problems with gums, sprays ect it is the nicotine going into my stomach that is doing it, I must be very sensitive to it. I was very dissapointed that I couldnt carry on with the ecig because it was the best method I have ever found. I think I need locking in a cell for a week to do it. Im not sure what you are meaning about willpower but my thinking is that you just have to really be determined and try yourself, push though the craving kind of thing until it goes. You are doing great.

I dont really have anything to say about me, in fact it makes me feel a bit sick to think of talking about how I feel, just having a bad day. x

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun - I'm ok - trying to get it together. Maybe I'll start posting again. I just don't know what to say anymore .. . . .I did pm you this evening. I'll visit the thread more often & maybe get up the nerve to post regularly again. It has always been a nice group and good source of support.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi funny girl

Im sorry but I dont remember seeing you around the boards but I do hope you will start posting it really does help, I can see that you must be reading to have spotted suns post so quickly, I hope the kudzu works for you, I tried it when I first started on here but I think the stuff I got wasnt very good quality like the MWO stuff and I cant say it did much for me but as I say thats probably due to the poor quality of it.

I wish you good luck and please try to post, maybe you could even just pop in once a week. You dont have to worry comming on this thread as we dont bite really, we are a very friendly bunch and you are very welcome.

spacex

ps, I have woken up feeling better today, just down yesterday.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just time for a quick post this morning - Funnygirl, yes please do start posting again - as you said, we are a great support and if you are trying to get it together, here is a great place to do it.....:l

Hi Space - so pleased that you are feeling better today. I am still working on the smoking - it will happen, I KNOW it will - just have to do it the right way -LOL.

Good for you Bri in quitting the smokes - I did - for 20 years then stupidly started again. This time will be a forever one !! I loved the way that you put it about comparing others to you because you are YOU. I thought that was a great way of putting it and yes I do understand !!

Pema Chodron is a wonderful author and you should read her books - she is awesome. I hope the habit change book helps you too.

Good for you in resisting that drink when you were getting down - that is always the time that we want one I know - just try and be with the feeling and let it ride.....

I absolutely MUST get going - love and hugs to all,

Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

What with everyone reading books I have just remembered that I bought a book someone on this forum recommended, it was one of those self help books I have bought (and that is many) but never read or used. Its a workbook and its called drugs sex and chocolate or something but covers all addictions as its about the addictive behiour not the substance. What with everyone on here doing so much work on themselves its kind of making me feel a bit left out I will try to root it out today and have a look through.

space x

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Or maybe not ! I will never get anything done if I carry on faffing about on here, looking for books, drinking tea and smoking ect. ect.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning all!

Space - that is a wonderful idea for you to dig your book out and try some self help! Yes, it really does help. I laughed at you saying it made you feel left out - good for you joining in - let us know what you think of your book! I looked at it on amazon and it does look good.

I am still not drinking and feeling really good ! This has been so amazing to me......

Love and hugs, sun XX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there

It's great to see everyone in positive frames of mind or at least all working towards fighting the demon drink. Hubby has to go for a medical check on Monday and one of the checks is a liver function test so we are both on the wagon until then. Probably the first time ever and I'm a bit relieved he will spend some of this time away on business as its also that time of the month for me. :H

Our weekend in Bournemouth and Poole was lovely although the weather was a bit nasty for the first half of the weekend and now its of course perfect sunshine again. We did a boat trip to see the islands and walked on the pier. It was a nice holiday feel and it was great to get away for a bit.

Now its back to reality and we are planning to move in a months time so there is some intensive property viewings and cleaning on this side to be done. I also have to do my hubby's taxes as I can't apply for permanent residency before that's in order. I don't know how he can be so professional at work and such a scatterbrain when it comes to his own finances etc. Maybe the 'drying out' period will help us finally achieve something over the weekend as his long hours and then boozy weekends do not help for getting things done.

Nice to see so many people posting - keep it up.

Lots of love and hugs,

:l:l:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HI DIZZY !! Lovely to see you again - and glad that your weekend went well. It also is good that you are both having an AF weekend - I am waiting for test results from my Dr to see what all my stuff is at too.

Good luck with finding somewhere else to live - I know it isn't easy over there. Thanks for the pictures - they were lovely to see.

love and hugs,

sun Xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Got my test results - everything was good. Today is my day for stopping smoking. Wish me luck everyone. I know I can do this !!!!

Getting ready for work,

hugs, sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Glad you enjoyed your weekend away dizzy and hope your house hunting goes well and you can find something with a bit of outside space that you like.

Good luck with the stopping smoking sun.

My son goes back to school on Monday and I cant believe the summer hols have gone by so quickly, I will miss him being around all day. We had a day out at Blackpool fair yesterday, it was good and we all enjoyed it, even the two hour drive each way went well.
Im still ok where the drink is concerned, still puzzeled as to how Ive done it tho when I think about it, its 8 months now AF apart from my little experiment to see what it was like to have a drink again. I do really think that it was just time with me, I,d battled long and hard enough and needed to be out of it. This time tho has probably been among the hardest of my life, not because I was trying not to drink, that wanst really a problem at all but because of everything else I have had to deal with, in lots of ways my life was so much easier when I was drinking because that was pretty much all I had to worry about. My main emotion that I am feeling right now and need to deal with is grief, both grieving for all the time I have lost because I was drinking and also the fact that I don't have young children to look after and love anymore, of course I will always have my children but because I have been a single parent for so long I have centered my life around them and now they don't need me in the same way I miss them being like that. My eldest is 26 so I have spent the last 26 years pretty much just looking after my children, I did used to date a bit but have never had a full on relationship with another man and never had a step dad for them, in reality I don't think I wanted to share them with a stranger. I do really epect to stay single as I don't think I could be bothered with the change a man would bring with him, Mr wonderful never has come along.

space

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Suny - good luck with stopping smoking. I know you've done it before and will do it again! It was really hard for me. . . . . after 10 years, I could pick them up again & be all in! Good luck to you. Let us know if you need emotional support or anything else. I'm still out here lurking . . ..

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello lovely people

Hello everyone. I'm a lurker coming out of the dark. First, what a joy, relief and gift to find this site and this thread. I hope you never underestimate how vital for me and I'm sure lots like me in terms of turning yet another potential self-help fad/gimmick into something believable and real. Again thank you so much for giving me belief I can really do this, beat this. Without the personal stories of individual battles I'm sure I'd be pouring another glass and laughing at the concept of vitamins/supplements/hypnosis (for goodness sake!!) and off-label meds to resolve what we all know is a character weakness. (The old me speaking)

Anyway, here I am just starting week 2 of the program and feeling the need for some support. Here's the skinny:
Age: 52
Status: Married, 3 children, separated (yes the drinking probably the major reason for separation)
Occupation: reasonably large cog in global company
History: Been drinking over safe guidelines since I was 15. Mother died from alcohol related illness when she was 59, but had been a wreak for 20 years. Prior to MWO I averaged 1.5 to 2 bottles a day (wine - I love wine, nothing else floats my boat)
Motivation: (this is what I wanted to get to with you guys)...
1. Looking at the calculations for money needed to get my kids through school - I need to be earning at current rates until I'm 68. That ain't gonna happen if I don't change things.
2. Maybe, just maybe I can get marriage back together.
3. Lose the 20kg extra I'm carrying ...

Had a great first week on program - possibly placebo effect, then last night (Friday) fell back into my default solitary drinking on the excuse that I'd had one hell of a week and damn well deserved it. Anyway I guess no disasters - still stayed under 1.5 bottles and woke feeling fine (I know, nothing to be proud of). But disappointing as it feels like a backward step.