New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning !

Candle you absolutely crack me up !!! I think you are going to be a wonderful addition to our little group here !! I ended up Googling Elephant Poo - for some reason it has really just tickled me !!

Space - I agree with you on the social media - I now have a phone that I can text on, which my children are SO pleased about, but I do not do twitter or any of the other stuff - I don't even have facebook. It is just one more thing to keep up with. I do have Skype and use it a lot - being far away from family, I have loved it !!

Space - I think you have come so far in the past year or so - you are a changed person and so much for the better. I hope that you can continue to see your therapist after your 16 visits are up.

Candle - yes I have kept my account in UK too - easier when I visit or whatever. Although I don't have much cash in there right now !!

This whole spiritual thing - it isn't as much being 'spiritual' - to talk to me one would never know that I was..... it is more something that comes from the inside. I have always had that side of me and it has helped me in my life but working with this therapist and reading the Hawkins books has pushed me forwards with it and made it much easier to move forward - I do not miss the AL and all of a sudden the no smoking has fallen into place too. It is more about dealing with negative emotions and allowing them to be dissolved so that the real you can come through. Once the negative emotions are dissolved then it makes it so much easier for me to work on the good stuff. Which all comes from the Divine. I feel better than I have done in so long - my next plan is stopping my happy tablets !! Which i will do !!

Candle - I have not explained it well at all - Play is much better at explaining what we are doing. Hopefully she will pop in and do so. She is much better with words than me plus I need to get ready for work. It is a bank Holiday here today but I have decided to go in to work for a few hours and catch up on some stuff.

Back later everyone - hugs to all,

Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Candle I love the conclusions you have drawn up, and probably agree with them just didn't know it before now

Sun the difference in you in what seems like a few short weeks is amazing, no matter what you are doing it is so wonderful to hear you being so happy.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about and trying to "get" this faith thing, I have no concept of the Divine as you put it sun or god or any other higher power. In the past when I have been convinced I needed it to change my life I went to a priest, to an exteme evangelist church, which by the way was an experience I wont regret doing because it was just so weird, done the AA 12 step recovery thing including going to a treatment centre where they say it isn't religious but you have to pray to god and give your life to a higher power, I have even tried to become a witch!!!! The point I am really trying to make here is that these things have helped millions of people around the world and give them a meaning of life and a way to live but it gave me nothing, I just couldn't stop questioning them and disbelieving what they said and maybe that's the thing, it is a belief system and without the belief, which I don't have then it means nothing to me.

But I am happy to say that I have stopped drinking without it, I don't count days or do anything else really to maintain it, it just isn't a problem for me anymore, now and again I do feel like a drink and a while ago I decided to experiment and did have a few drinks, nothing bad happened and I didn't even get drunk but I did get a bit worried that it could be a slippery slope so I stopped again using a couple of antabuse tablets for a few days and that was it, I was back to normal again. I didn't intend to stop drinking I had always just wanted to cut down, in my head I wanted to be able to drink when I wanted but to keep it to normal levels and I only stopped for a few days over Christmas so I could give my kids a good chirtmas without my being hung over at all but then I didn't feel like going back again, I have no clue what happened exept for the fact that I started on a new medication for my bipolar. I always knew I was self medicating my illness so maybe that was it, in treating my actual illness I also treated my need to drink.

Anyway, you will no doubt find that I often pop on here for a quick chat and ramble on and on so sorry about that.

Space x

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Hubby just did his first alcohol free week in I don't know how long because the life insurance people came to draw blood for a liver function test this morning. That will teach him to be honest about his drinking habits. I really hope it comes back normal or if it doesn't that it will be able to be resolved with a couple of months of us being alcohol free.

The alcohol free week was OK, except that I was PMS'y and a bit grumpy and the weekend was a bit boring. Yesterday was glorious sunshine though so we went out for breakfast and a long walk in the long mile or whatever the walk in front of Windsor castle is called.

:welcome: Candle or Flicker or whatever it is you preferred to be called. I don't think anyone ever asked. A lot of women on the site here are American and we had some other nationalities like I'm a South African now married to an Irish man living in the UK. Nice to have you here.

Sun - You Googled Elephant Poo!!:H As far as I know its big, brown, and steaming. Haha, I know Polo, too good a one to let it slip. So glad you and Space seemed to be doing so well. Finally we have success stories, I mean in terms of abstinence, so in your face, non-believing lurkers!

Space, I don't really like social media as much as my friends but when I'm far from home I do find that Facebook makes it easy to keep in touch with friends. Whatsapp is also a tool that allows you to 'text' for free from your phone anywhere in the world, so thats my number one favorite app at the moment. And although its not social media, I have a bit of a thing for playing Candy Crush at the moment... Just...Can't...Stop.

I saw a while back you mentioned Breaking Bad and I remember also whizzing through that series. The final bit of the final series is about to start on cable soon. We got half price Sky through Groupon so hopefully it will be on there. I also really love Game of Thrones, Bones, The Mentalist, and The Walking Dead. Apparently Rome is also really good but I haven't started that yet.

Play, will you email me the book you mentioned that you have in electronic format please? Its time that I spend some more time on myself instead of just floating about, watching TV, playing games, and hanging out with hubby.

WTE, I had a reminder on my email that I don't use very often that it was your birthday over the weekend. I hope that you had a great day and I wish you would pop in to tell us how it went. :h

I have to start work now, which is a pity as its another glorious day and I know that soon it will be Winter.

Love and Hugs to all

:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Dizzy I loved breaking bad and have seen Rome which is great as well. At the moment Im watching Orange is the New Black and enjoying that although I do think that is a girly series. Your lucky getting sky half price, how long is that for, for some reason Groupon don't email me even though I have bought from them and registered so I didn't see that offer.

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all,

I did see that Sunshine had googled Elephant Poo - I expect that it is dependent on diet, but what I saw was the poo was much like horse poo - quite fibrous, light brown and in lumps the size of tennis balls. There are specific rules around the removal of elephant poo from the field of elephant polo ASAP as the implications of the ball getting lodged in a pile and then the players swinging their sticks to try and dislodge the ball doesn't bear thinking about.

Candle had a good day yesterday, had first drink after 6:00 felt no need to rush, 2'nd was nice but not special - actually the glass of water tasted better! That NEVER happened before I've always struggled to drink any water when drinking AL - water only passing my lips with the raging thirst in the morning after drinking too much (and the first guilty oops I've done it again moment). So I'm listening to the Topa and it is definitely changing things. However at about 7:00pm was overwhelmed with tiredness real bone-deep tiredness so I could barely make it up the stairs to bed. Is that the Topa-Dopa you guys have talked about in the past?

Candle xx

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good its starting to work for you candle and your able to listen to it and not just carry on drinking out of habit regardless. As for the tiredness is it really a problem if it only happens in the evenings, you could probably benefit from some early nights anyway and it should wear off pretty soon. No that's not the topa dopa that's spoken about, I didn't really get that but its kind of losing things out of your head temporarily, usually words, you are talking and know what you want to say but cant find the word you mean sort of thing but not everyone gets that so don't worry about it. Play stopped taking it due to not being able to concentrate in work properly I think but I don't think it affected any of the rest of us that way, well not significantly enough to need to stop. Of course I can only say about me and what I remember others saying so I could be wrong there. When I took it I was still in the mindframe that I still wanted to drink, and was easily able to just drink one or two beers an night, which I had never been able to do before, it would also have been easy for me to stop but I was just being determined to prove to myself I could control drinking at the time. I did get the wanted effects of topa and I don't think I had to go to a vey high dose, something like 100mg I think, I stopped because of something that was totally unrelated to topa and when I discovered I hadn't had to I was sorry I had stopped taking it afterwards. When you said you had bought enough for the 12 weeks by the way I would recommend that you take it for longer than that, it does take longer to change habits and get used to not drinking until it just becomes normal to you. For me now drinking just isn't on my radar anymore as a way to cope, I don't need it and don't reach for it like I used to but the longer I am off it the more that has become a part of me, that is probably about 99.99% of the time. It is 8 months for me now and there are still moments though when I do just think about it for maybe a minute which I believe is natural when drinking has been such a large part of my life for so many years I don't think it would be possible for it just to go away totally in a short length of time.

Don't be in a rush and you will get there and don't worry about any se's until you get them, there arnt really many anyway.

Hi to everyone else, by the way dizzy I forgot to say I saw some pics and you looked beautiful, glowing with happiness, the groom wanst bad either :H:h

got to go now in a rush to get ready and get out to take my daughter to enrol at college.

space x

space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OKAY ! Ha ha ha Bonk ! (me laughing my head off). Funny ! One little letter forgotten and it just takes off...... Actually I did laugh at the ensuing results...... AND the rules regarding elephant poo on the field when in play!

Space - yes, I have changed - I can feel it inside. The no smoking is going well and of course no AL too. I did laugh about you even trying to become a witch!! I think the thing with the spiritualism is that it isn't really trying to do anything - it isn't going to church, or spouting God - it is more just changing beliefs on the inside, getting rid of negative beliefs and by doing that, it leaves one open to all the positive stuff like love....it is an energy change - my spiritual energy has gone up which shows by things like you saying I have changed. I find it so hard to explain......

Hi there Dizzy - hope hubs liver tests all come out well. I had all that stuff a week or two ago and all my tests came back fine. When do you get the results? I could hardly believe when you said I had googled elephant poo ! I looked back - and yes you were right !! Still it has made me smile !! The whole subject of elephant POLO has made me smile !!

And yes, I am doing amazingly well - no smoking no drinking and feeling really good. No cravings for the AL and none really for the cigs either - fancy one now and then but for the main part, it has been easy after those first two days. I used a nicotine patch for the first two days and it seemed to make it harder for me 'cos when I didn't use one, it was easy!

I haven't watched any of the programmes that you and space are talking about !! I liked New Tricks. Oh and the four episodes of Endeavour were good too i thought....

Candle - good for you with the drinking and the way you are handling it. you seem to definitely be in the right frame of mind to be doing this. As Space said, the Topa Dopa is more like senior moments ! In fact I never knew if I had Topa dopa or if it was just my age. Play had to stop the Topa 'cos she is in the medical field and was worried about messing up medications. THAT is topa Dopa. It does made some folk tired but you can just mess around with when you take your dose plus your body will get used to it - well, mine did anyway.

Anyway - getting ready for work - have a great day everyone,

Hugs, Sun Xx

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, I actually thought you had googled elephant poo, I did wonder why but never thought to ask I haven't had a great day, I took my daughter to her coodge thing which I really didn't want to do because its my sons last day of summer hols and I wanted to do something with him, I did think it would only take about two hours but it took over four and by the time I got back I was exhausted. I think yesterdays emotions caught up with me, I didn't tell you all but I had another really bad appointment with the same pdoc I wrote in and complained about last time, yesterday I had only been there about 5 mins when he told me he had to hurry up because he had other patients waiting I needed to hurry up !! Once again I left in tears and then in the afternoon I saw my therapist which was also emotional, I told her what had happened and she is phoning my consultant (he is a junior psychiatrist) to tell her what happened and ask her why I didn't get a chance to ask about my anxiety which keeps on coming up on the score shcarts they use as my worst syptmom. After that I went to the housing office to pay the arrears in rent I owe which have prevented me from applying for a larger house, I am just waiting for all the admin work to be done now which they are really crap about before I can start applying for houses, even then I don't know how long I will wait. I am not at all rasist but there is a problem in my area that the polish are now higher on the list than me, I cant ask why this is because I am scared that I will be branded rasist and it is such a sensitive issue and could even be thrown off the list all together for it, So my situation that as you know isn't good with my son having no room is now that I am intending to harrase the housing office (in a nice way of course) every week until I get what I want, the estate where I live is a bit rough but there are ok areas, I am in no way going to take a house where the gangs hang round so I may have to wait longer I don't know but have to think positive about it.

space x

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

well, miss a few days & one is wayyy behind! I haven't been here - got crazy busy with work and was trying to say I'd get back to posting (Suny, I know I told you I would, but I've been remiss) Anyway, missed this whole elephant thing. Suny glad you're not smoking. That was soo hard for me, but I've yet to quit drinking. I've cut way back, but haven't stopped - what's up with that??? Maybe I should do topa again, but really hoped I could do it without that. . . . . oh well, maybe things will change again soon . . . . I'll try to get back here to read more. Can't believe how much I missed in just a few days!

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space - sounds like you had a really rubbish day - good to stay positive about everything and try and work the system. It must be hard not to look at the others on the lists and wonder why they're ahead but I suspect that will only drive you crazy! You can only make a difference on your stuff and, as you say, if you get any sort of rep as an -ist it won't help. Think about how someone like you is viewed by someone like me - you have come through not only a clinical disorder, big drinking problem, raising two kids (and kept them out of care) and at least one is going into further education. You have quit AL, are working through our woeful NHS care system, taking up studies for a degree, working to get a better house for your children.... You are phenomenal in my eyes, a real hero. Through my teenage years I would have given anything, ANYTHING to see my mum stop (or even try to stop) drinking and show that we actually meant more to her than AL. To see you do this with all the additional challenges you have gives me such joy, and you probably have no idea what gift you have given them - a Mum to be proud of and a model of how to deal with real adversity. Don't sweat the small stuff, Wonder Woman.

Funny - hello, we don't know what happened to Sunny - it is probably some nicotine withdrawal issue, but she suddenly developed a preoccupation with Elephant Poo. We have been playing along with her, being supportive etc, so if she mentions anything try not to be surprised, just humour her...

Finally, my job sucks - just thought I'd mention it.

Take care all,

CitW

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Candle you being so kind to me just brought tears to my eyes, you don't know how good it is forme to hear someone praise me like that, by the way I have 3 kids not two sorry your job sucks, that must be crap for you especially as you have moved so far from home to get a good job well then youd think it should be at least good I guess your used to travelling by now by the sound of it, I have never moved from the city I was born in, always too scared I think. Its great that your posting on here regualarly, it should be good for you, Ive always found it a great help. I think your doing really well, do you get hangovers, if so it is great when you start to wake up without them.

Funny good to hear from you again too, great you've cut down on the drinking and yes whats up with that, well nothing its really good. Do you want to stop all together or did you want to just cut down, it depends on what you want really. If you are struggling a lot then it may well be a good idea to give the topa another go.

I am pissed off with myself right now, after 6 weeks off school most of which I woke up early when I didn't even have to toady I went and missed the clock so my son was late on his first day back, hes not very happy about it at all, hope he has a good day after a bad start to his new term.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning - or good whatever whereever you might be !

CITW - Love your new avatar - I studied it with great interest! All it needed was a little elephant poo in the front - LOL. I even was telling the folk at work about elephant polo and some of the rules - for some reason, this has really just tickled my fancy !!

ANYWAY - no smoking and everything going really well. CITW - that was a lovely post that you made towards space - I had never looked at it that way although I have always thought it must be hard to be a single mum - yes, I agree with you - she is an awesome person and has done amazingly well and continues to do so in leaps and bounds. She should be proud of herself and I know I am proud of her !!

Why does your job suck? What do you do? You can PM me if you don't want the whole world to know......

Hi Space - I am so happy that Candle said what she did. And that it made you feel so good too. We all need that pat on the back now and then and you definitely deserved yours - :l:l. I am so sorry that you overslept - how awful for your son on his first day !!!

Your pdoc sounds like a jerk - he should not sit there and tell you to hurry up and I am glad that your therapist is doing something about it.

Hey there funny girl - good to see you here. Good for you with cutting back on the AL - that is definitely a step in the right direction. Are you using the L-Glut and the Kudzu? I found that as long as I used both and took them in the right doses religiously, then I actually didn't want to drink...... so I stopped using them - LOL. And yes I too am glad that I have stopped the smoking - it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would either. Must have been the right time.

Anyway - time to get ready for work, Hugs to all,

love, sun XX

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WELL I'M GLAD SOMEONE NOTICED MY AVATAR! Thank you Shiny... V. funny the comment about the Elephant Poo pile in front, I actually tried to fashion some from little papier-machier (forgive the spelling) balls but it was too hard (literally and figuratively)... What do I do to earn a living? I realised my original 'reasonably sized cog in a large corporate machine' was at the same time stupid and arrogant and meaningless. I mean, a cog can only be the size it is - any bigger or smaller will mean it doesn't work - breaks the machine. However, I *am* getting close to being identifiable for many reasons so happy to PM any of the good folks here, with any/all the details. Which brings me onto an interesting topic - why is Alcoholism (and mental illness and some other stuff) so shameful? Like I said when I first un-lurked, I was (and remain) full of admiration for the people here who are actively struggling to do something about their condition and make a real change, but for me, I am wanting to stay anon as I don't want my kids hurt/embarrassed and wouldn't want future work/promotion prospects damaged. Why, as a society are we like that, when it is proven often/largely a pre-disposition thingy (chemical imbalance or faulty wiring)?

Anyway - time for my supper and bed. Look at that.!!! It is 8:00, I opened a bottle of wine as soon as I got home at 6:30 (sucky day like I said). Poured a glass of wine (real ordinary glass like they'd pour in a bar) AND IT IS STILL HALF FULL (and a bit warm and nasty to be honest). That's without trying - just done a few work emails, and this post here. Before Topa (and the other supps I guess) I'd be through that whole bottle by now. Maybe this is what normal feels like (okay, okay, impressive would be a *cup of tea* half drunk, but first things first). I'm so happy! I think I'll have a drink to celebrate (just joking!)

Love to you all - I know this talking is helping, I may even 'up' my mood a little...

CitW xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Candle - yes of course I noticed your Avatar! Laughed at you trying to fashion some elephant poop !!

I have PM'd you re your job...... I know how you feel remaining anonymous here !! I worry about it all the time. But then I figure that anyone that is checking in here would only be in the same boat so stop worrying .

As for why Alcoholism is such an embarrasment? I think it goes way back - these days I don't think it is quite so bad - but yes, it it still has that stigma. Most folk think of the down and out in the gutter.. however most of us are folk that are people that are living a real life, like most folks, we just hide it well. There is still that stigma attached to it though. I think that might change eventually though. In UK, pretty much everyone drinks - it is so different in USA. In UK - when you go to someones house you are offered wine or beer, I have never been offered that over here so I assume that most Americans drink "quietly".

I love that you have only had half a glass of wine when you posted - the Topa is obviously working so well for you. You are very lucky that it is. It took me to 300mg for it to work for me. I am SO happy for you.

Going to get ready for bed soon.....

Love and hugs,

Sun XXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Girls and Stuck if you are reading just wanted to see how you are all coming along and it appears to me that good work is being done by all here.

As you know I have actually become unattached to alcohol which means that I have no desire to drink it or I can drink it. I have started seeing things in a different way. I want to lend an ear if you need me and I want to suggest some things that you might enjoy working on. so get a piece of paper and sit down and think about your life and try to put down something that would be your life goal at this time. It can be anything that you want to work toward, such as Space achieving a higher education, one may desire to quit AL totally, just anything that you feel that you are willing to make a commitment to work at in a steadfast way until you reach the goal.

Than sit with eyes closed and say a prayer and ask the Lord (whatever god you believe in) to grant you the grace to achieve your goal and you will achieve it. It really does take that kind of intention to realize your potential.

I am saying a Metta (a type of meditation) tonight for all of my friends here: May you live in safety, May you have mental happiness, May you have physical happiness ( good health) and may you have ease of well being (life is not a struggle).

You are such a beautiful group here.
Love
play