New here and starting Topa and with a question

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry no time to read, Play--too busy playing elephant polo now.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ha, wanna see that

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Candle, I do get the worry about anonymity but unless you are the PM or president and announce it on here then I think your probably ok you could be anyone in the whole world. I don't even know if your male or female. My daughter knows a bout my drinking and that I regularly come on a forum for it and I doworry that she could find me because of that, it would be totally easy for me as I let her use my laptop sometimes when she calls round but when I asked her about it she said she would never do that so I have to trust her as well. Do your kids know anything about your drinking?

About the stigma attached to mental illness and addicition that's something I am very interested in and am hoping to study more about, I don't really think much has changed about that at all, the lunatics are no longer locked up in the asylums but not really accepted and trusted in society either. Sun, I don't know about down where you are from but I do actually think the attitude to drinking has changed tho, yes it used to be the case that when you went to a persons house you where offered a drink but not so much now, kind of like smoking its become less socially acceptable accept if you are young or going out or having friends rounds specifically for a drink. I do think the health warnings about drinking every night are getting through to the younger generations but as I say there is way more binge drinking going on, and of course secret drinking behind the closed door. Mental illness is different I think, unlike my alcohol addiction I have a mental illness that I didn't have any knowedge of or control over, I didn't have control over my addiction either but I knew what was happening, the illness not so and because the two went together for me when I was going to the doctors telling them there was something wrong with me they where just giving me antidepressants and telling me to stop drinking. I am very angry that it took a lot for me to go and tell my doctor about the drinking and then it was the worst thing I could do, after that everything got put down to my drinking so I couldn't get treated at all, I have since talked to him about this and he accepts that I was ill and self medicating with alcohol but has not apologised for it.

About the work thing though, that may well be part stigma but depending on what your job is would you really want to employ someone whose will be less efficient because they have a drink problem, I know there are some jobs where this would be a disaster, I wouldn't want a surgeon operating on me if I knew he/she had a drink problem, at best there mind would be elsewhere waiting to finish so they could get a drink, or else they had had a drink or where hungover, withdrawing, on benzo's after the night before. That is the extreme but then just menial jobs I know that on the checkout of the supermarket where I worked I made mistakes because I was hungover that I wouldn't have made otherwise so the fact that it would jepardise your work is valid really, I always got the impression tho that if you have a decent job in America especially but most places really then you will be given more of a chance than someone lower down the ladder, given time off to go for treatment ect ect .

Anyway on to the really important stuff candle, your avatar is cool and you are even cooler go you and your half glass of wine, you are doing it and that's just so WOW

I didn't sleep much last night so that's why Im on here at 5.30am, worrying about oversleeping again I guess. I finished watching Orange is the new black and am now on Weeds, really I have got to start reading up for my course but keep putting it off because I don't HAVE to do it, it would just be useful for the future so its nothing to worry about. I haven't received my actual course work through yet and That's when the work begins. I spoke to someone on the phone and asked about how much work I would need to do on average a week for the first year and she said that the first year is the easy into one so its only about 15 hours a week, so I hope I will be able to keep that up, my therapist does say she has worrys tho that I am taking too much on when I am ill and I know I will feel so bad about myself if I fail so there is quiete a bit riding on this.

space x

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

X posted hi stuck, good to know your still around.

Play thanks for thinking of me, but I do have to ask, or maybe say that if I have no god I believe in, as I have already said, then none of that works for me.
Many of the people of faith I have met along this road of recovery I have taken don't actually seem to understand when I tell them I have no faith in some majestic being who is going to help but the fact is I just don't believe there is one. I accept that for you you do, and that's great but for me it doesn't do it.

I do believe in love though and think that can get us through the most difficult times, and kindness as well which I know you have so much of and I send it out to you and everyone else.

love space x

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all. Space I've had a great idea. You're diagnosed bipolar right? All you need to do is get all you course work lined up I a convenient place and wait for a manic episode. You could nail a weeks worth in one session.

By the way, there will come a point soon, if it hasn't already happened, when I will overstep the boundary of good taste so please just tell me and I'll stop....

Space - gender question answered - I'm a woman and a Kinsey 3.5 (lesbian) which explains the somewhat unorthodox mum being away from bairns situation, as they are with their other mum! I do share your irritation about presumption that we all need to have a God-like presence in our lives. That's one of the big put-offs for me in the 12-step programme and having to "put your faith on a higher power" or whatever. Errr "no "! Lived in Houston for a time and the second question a person would ask, after "where do you live" would be "which church do you attend".. Really difficult for a dyed in the wool atheist but when you realize it is more about community than God then it it becomes harmless. So if Play is praying for me I think that's lovely and sweet and the +ive energy can only do good. And for me it's a nice thought and ##### warning about to introduce another weird Asian thingy##### when we release some baby turtles into the ocean next month I will send prayers to the Universe along Plays lines. I think

Love to all

CitW

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I also agree that what play has done is lovely and I so hope I haven't offended you play I hope you know me well enough to realise that was not my intention, instead of saying I want to send a prayer out I say I send good vibes out to you all, same thought and meaning I think.

Candle what is a Kinsey 3.5? I have never heard that does that mean lesbian?? My daughters husband has two mums as well, when my youngest son first met then when he was about 10 he just came home talking about the mum's and simply accepted it, I do think and hope that is one stigma that has changed in recent years. you can tell me if Im wrong tho. I thought you where also from the UK so there is no way anyone is going to root you out, I actually don't worry about others because I think virtually everyone who comes on here is here for the very same reason as you anyway.

I had to laugh at the bipolar work thing, you are so right the only problem being that the meds Im on have stopped all the being able to clean/decorate my whole house in two days thing I used to do. I do remember saying to someone once that I was decorating and they asked where, I didn't realise they meant which room but I answered honestly and said my house meaning the whole thing! :H I would just get started painting a ceiling white in one room which I actually intended to do but carry on, well I might as well seeing as Ive got the white paint out now. I do miss those productive times but a lot of very bad decisions and other things came along with the manic stuff so it did have to go.

love and love space x

ps I am so happy that you have joined our little group here Candle and I am not at all easily offended so don't worry about me

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Space glad you are not easily offended - seems a defining characteristic of the folks here - awfully hard to take the moral high ground when to a person we have fallen short of what a lot of people would consider a good standard of personal conduct. The Kinsey reference is a nod toward my nervousness around labels - he described a scale where 1 is completely heterosexual and 6 is completely homosexual so a Kinsey 3.5 puts me just over the bisexual into the gay side. I guess it better reflects my thoughts on the whole subject. People also wander about up and down the scale. Especially if they've had a few drinks ...

CitW xxxxxx.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Ladies, I hope everyone is feeling some joy today. And no offense taken Space, I don't think that way anymore, I just recognize that everyone is on their path and I give them total respect for that.

Anyway, nothing new here and I'm thinking of all.

Love,
play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Blistering hot day in Windsor, wish we already had our little patio garden so me and my (to still be adopted) kitten can chill outside in the breeze. Instead I'm trying to work inside this little box without any ventilation or an oscillating fan

Nice avatar, Candle, its cool to have some new blood around here. Interesting about the Kinsey scale, I've never heard about it despite having dated someone who is bisexual and having a brother who is bisexual. They're both married to women now and most people whisper behind their backs that they're actually just in the closet but I honestly believe that they both love the women that they're with. I guess its just not really something the average human can understand so easily, especially as there are so many men that do feel that they have to marry women even if they would have preferred to marry or be with men. The same goes for women I suppose but I don't really have close lesbian friends, although I did spend quite a bit of time with three as my roommates in rehab. The other ladies teased me a bit, being the odd one out. :H

Sorry about your stupid Pdoc, Space, and sorry I'm scarce, I'm just really busy applying for my permanent residence card, looking at houses, trying to get this place cleaned out, settling into married life (2 months yesterday! ) etc. It would be nice to switch the ENERGY mode of bipolar on for a week, hey? Get your house cleaned, drawers sorted, and then go back to normal. Unfortunately life is not as kind as that.

And Sunny and Play brings a new element to the forum of resolving our issues to overcome our desire to drink and or using spirituality if I'm getting that right. Well I guess 12 steps also uses spirituality or God but how we see that God is usually up to the leader of the group or the group members. I just know that the main difference is that they still teaches us that we have a disease and that no amount of counseling will 'cure' us. Sun, I think hubby's liver test went well, I think he's going to call them tomorrow if they haven't rung by then.

Thanks for sending me the books, Play. I will probably only get around to reading them once we have settled in a new place though. I guess a large part of me is just concentrating on making sure the marriage is working, so I don't want to do any radical changes two months into our marriage. Stopping drinking would be a positive but it will change our whole dynamic as he wouldnt stop and I won't be able to tell him to either. And when I'm sober and he's not, I do find him a bit annoying, LOL. I think I'll just wait a couple of months before rocking the boat on any front.

I'm missing some other faces around here, Meggie, Bri and the rest, please come check in for a short chat when you have some time.

Love to all,

:l

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - haven't had time to read or post lately - crazy busy with work . . . .ugh! This time of year is when I get into my busiest season & it's tough. My year is over basically. I'll try to come out more often. Love reading the witty banter as of late. Great group! Candle - you're a hoot! Space - loved the thing about the decorating! Too much - I've had issues of my own, so I can definitely relate. I'll pm you sometime to tell you the whole story . . . .

Suny - glad the not smoking is going so well. You'll be able to do it - sounds like you've got it licked. Good for you! Now, if only I could get my own act together. Am taking the Kudzu & it has helped tremendously. I've cut way back, but have yet to quit altogether. No L-Glut in the house - maybe I need to get some. If I can't do it this way, I'll go back to the Topa for a bit. Maybe during my busy season would be the time since I really have no time to drink once that begins in October. the only tough time during that point in the year is Football on Sundays! Yikes. . .

Oh well everyone - just wanted to check in & say hi. I'll try to participate more often. Good night!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

No time for a proper post - it is way past my bed time - I had the nose bleed from hell today and have been in the ER. Have a tampon stuck up my nose right now - fondly called a rhino rocket - LOL Anyway - hopefully will catch up tomorrow - after work probably although I have to go and have this thing taken out !!

love and hugs to all,

love, sun XX

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Sun - Sounds horrid! And the taking it out sounds even worse good luck with that!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bloody hell sun (no pun intended) I have never heard of anyone having to go to ER with a noseblled that must have been a bad one. and the tampon? how big are your nostrils??

Yes do pm me funny girl, I think you are trying to get your act together, I did find the L glut useful, not so much the brand of kudzu I had tho, I agree, if that's not enough tho go back on the topa which should hopefully do the trick.

Dizzy, 2 months already I cant believe it, it also seems strange thinking of you being married now and always having to think of that, ie with regard to change and that you could just go AF when you wanted and then drink again some, how are you with the drinking now, I remember it getting you down when you where here last year when hubs was boyfriend, hang on was it that long ago since you where last in the UK? Its raining here today so I don't know what its like down there but since its now September the weather is going to start getting more miserable which I really don't like, its the change from nice weather to bad and the fact that the summer ends so abrubtly I have trouble with and I do think it affects me although I do regret the fact that for once we had a good summer and I didn't take advantage of it, spent way too much time inside, in bed

Candle you are so funny, I have never heard of the scale you talk about and think that a lot of people will be between 1 and 6 but don't want to admit it, its interesting, lots of folk move around when drunk, does that count? oops Im not sure I want to think about that too much.

I went to the housing yesterday and told them I was interested in an empty house they had before I actually went and looked at the house from the outside, when I saw it I didn't like it and its the wrong end of a long street, way off the rout my sons walks to school with his friends so I felt deflated and will have to phone them when they open to tell the woman Im not so interested, I don't want to go and take something that's not quite right, but also don't want to wait forever because Im so uber picky, there are a few different styles of three bed houses round here and I obviously want the bigger type, that's the whole point, this one is that type, bigger rooms but tiny kitchen, cant have everything but as I say just not in the right place and didn't get a good vibe I suppose. I am also in pain this morning, my legs are giving me hell and I really want to go back to bed but have gone and promised to chauffeur my daughter around and then take her to my mums which means I then have to go into my mums so I will be out most of the day when I so need to rest off this pain.

space x

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Sun - Sounds horrid! And the taking it out sounds even worse good luck with that!

Dizzy your comment about sharing a room with three Lesbians for quite a while in rehab, well, for sure somewhere there is a porn director's head exploding right now. What is rehab like? I've often wondered - is it like a health spa or prison? Or something else? I've often wondered ....

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Getting ready for work - no time - Space - it isn't REALLY a tampon - it is a mini thing that looks like one and I have strings coming out of my nose with them taped to my face - LOL. I get it taken out today after work - will post later.

hugs to all, sun X