New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I agree about the teachers, they have a massive amount of responsibility to impart knowledge and skills to our children and most do a fantastic job doing it. I cant imagine having to even try to talk to some of the kids I see around, there are such nasty little fuckers about these days being in the same building with them must be bad. never mind trying to teach them, also part of their job looks like some kind of crowd control without the teaching even beginning. Thank you houxt, meggie stuck and all the other teachers.

Great on the drinking front candle I am proud of you and the amount of effort you are putting in, you are proving that coming on here so often that you are really thinking about this and giving it your best shot. The going out with friends not in a drinking situation sounds great and should benefit you, giving you a break, socialising without any pressure to drink. I really do feel for you having the long distance relationship with your kids I cant even imagine how hard that must be for you and them as well, they must miss you too, but they know you love them and no matter where in the world you are that is the most important thing and will override all other difficulties. did you say you are going to be with them soon, I do hope so it should be a real celebration of family when you get together.

Stuck how did you manage to say what I was aying in a few sentences, I seem to have to go right round the houses to get my point across, will that be a good thing when I start my degree do you think in that writing 3000 words essays will come naturally to me as I have had lots of practice on here already :H

space x

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Goodness - what a lot has been posted ! Sorry I haven't been here - yesterday I think Thursday caught up with me and all I did practically, after having a very early breakfast out with friends, was nap and read. Around 5.30 p.m. I finally started feeling half way decent but was in bed by 8.00. I feel much better this morning.

Nice to see you stuck - laughed at you and the aromatherapy - ANYTHING - Right? thanks too for your input on the depression.

Meggie - so good to see you back again - I know you must have been really busy with starting a new school year and everything. i am sorry that you had to come off the Topa but do understand - for some the Topa dopa gets too hard. it never really bothered me but then I have been called a bit of a ditz anyway..... How are things going with you otherwise? Was it yesterday saturday or this coming saturday that you are having the hypno? I do hope it helps for you

Houtx - long time no see but then again - new school year and all that. Yes, try the half tab of AB - it did work for us - although I don't take anything now and am doing just fine.

Hi Space - that was a great post about the depression and I enjoyed reading it. I suppose I am very middle of the road when it comes to depression and AL and tabs - I am on AD's and have been for a long time. But I started them before the drinking. Now I am not drinking, and things have changed in my head, I don't feel that I need them so am weaning myself off them. I am wondering if being on them made me drink more now - because they do damp down emotions and feelings and by drinking we try to get those happy feelings back. I am not sure but am going very slowly after what happened when the doc took me off them! Am taking half my dose for a couple of weeks then will half that dose. And deal with any emotions that come up as they come up......

Hey Candle - you are like a breath of fresh air here - good discussion...... and I wouldn't worry about the Topa being 'another drug'. the Topa helps - IF it does get rid of the cravings - once they have gone and the habit of having the AL has gone, then if you want to you can stop the Topa. I personally didn't. I was too worried about the cravings coming back. However, I had to go to 300mg for the Topa to work for me and got really bad depression with that level - so after 8 months stopped it - and had a drink and I was back to square 1 again. I am not taking anything now and am doing fine.... but it has been a long hard slog to get to where I am now.

I am so happy that you are getting back to see your children for a short while - that should be wonderful for you and even more of a reason for you to continue the way that you are going! Talking of packing I suppose I should start thinking about it too.....

Hugs to all,

love, Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I had forgotten all about what happened to you when the doc took you off the antid's sun, that was awful wasn't it when we just heard you where in hospital. I don't know what happened way back when you started taking them because you always seem so "not at all likely to suffer from depression to me". I say that because you always get up early for work, have lots of energy even when drinking, are passionate about your hobby of gardening and these are the kinds of things which all go in depression, or at the very least become massively hard to do so I have always wondered if you where just one of the thousands of people who for some reason went to the doctor whilst having a bad time, I know you have had other health problems and was just given antid's, because that's what a lot of doctors do. In my family I was given them and misdiagnosed with depression although in the beginning I don't blame the doctor for doing that, I would go in after one of my depressive episodes and tell him that I had once again been in bed stinking, unable to function ect ect so I was actually depressed during that time, it was later when that was so obviously not the only problem I blame him for, he also refused to refer me back to the psychiatrist, (they had got me off their books by sending me to that alcohol treatment centre), and when I asked him if I had bipolar he said there was no way. I did tell him repeatedly that when I was very ill in either direction I was unable to see him so how could he know and it took years to persude him to refer me back to the psychiatrist when I had supposedly stopped drinking as far as he knew. By that time I knew if I told him I had even one drink he would put everything down to that so I had to lie to get anywhere, and I eventually got diagnosed and given the right medication which as you know has pretty much changed my life. maybe even saved it.

Back to what I was talking about the over prescribing, in my family apart from me my mum is on antid's because she was grieving after my dad died so she was given the pills instead of grief counselling, they are cheaper, or just time. My daughter was offered them after she was in an abusive relationship with a guy at nineteen, my son who specifically said he did not want antid's and would not take them was given Prozac and told it was an antianxiety med! and this is just my family, out of my mum, me and my 3 kids 4 of us have been given antid's!!!! the only person who hasn't is my 14 year old son and I expect at some time in the future he will go to the doctors with something up who knows what, maybe a sprained ankle or whatever it doesn't really seem to matter to the docs and be offered them.

I do also wonder about them making drinking worse, if they take away feelings and emotions which they do then they numb guilt, shame, sadness, worry and all the stuff that would maybe tell someone not to do things that are bad for them, our natural warning signals that something is hurting us so I do agree with you that they could well have made your drinking worse. I do hope you take it soooo slowly to come off them, maybe even slower than you are going, please don't try to rush it you know the consequenses but some of them arnt immediate and can pop up later on down the line. You are doing so well I would hate to see you fall at this hurdle, you know I worry that you are going too fast and urge you to take a few weeks longer with this reduction, just to be on the safe side, whether you do or not is of course entirely up to you and I am still so happy that you have at long last found YOUR way of dealing with this.

The title of this site has come to mean a lot to me, when I first joined I just thought it was about how RJ did it, but I now believe it to mean we all have our own ways which we have to find.

xx

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - new-new friends and merely new ones - I cannot believe what a huge difference this site/thread has made to me and I'm kinda freaked by your niceness to me when from my perspective I am being a first-class leech here - I've lurked for weeks in quiet despair hoping this really was what it seemed to be - people like me dealing with the drink problem I've got, or one like it. It's like all my Christmases and birthdays come at once. Thank you sooo much for you support and thanks for helping me work through some of my often naive thoughts - just trying to unravel them in my head. What a difference two weeks can make in one person's life..

Candle in the Gentle Breeze

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

CandleInTheWind;1553481 wrote: Candle in the Gentle Breeze

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Quicky post (you all sigh of relief)

Candle still not sure about the book, I really don't think I could motivate to read it, mind you I have just finished watching the series Weeds on Netflix so there could be a time window opening up. But really I have tried the spirituality thing so many times and I just don't think its for me and not think the more I try the less |I get.. Also I am starting on my degree at the end of the month so will already have a lot of reading to do.

Back to talking of Weeds have any of you seen it? I got hooked but I also question myself re that Kinsey scale you told us about candle, I would have thought I was a 1 (barring drunken incidents) but the woman who plays the main character in it is soooo super sexy I started thinking I could be a 2.5?? but as I have now finished watching I go back down, doesn't matter anyway because I don't actually want a man in my life, too much stress and I haven't met any I am even remotedly attracted to in years, apart from the Irish guy at the funeral, I think it was the bizzarness of having someone come onto me at a my uncles funeral that had me wanting him rather than actually wanting a relationship with him anyway, if he got in touch now I don't think I would bother replying so it was a flash in the pan incident. More to do with loneliness than anything else.

I cant believe you will ever stop being fun, you will find that you become more fun sober, I know I am although when I was drinking I did think I had to do it to have fun but that was just a load of shit, do just be yourself, be honest and don't be afraid to show your feelings and love, that is the very best you have to give, the true you.

Love the new 12 steps I cant do front flips or the splits tho but am wicked with the pom poms

Meggie glad your posting again hope you carry on, are you going to see a hypnotherapist, I hope it works, is it a woman or a man I have seen one once but didn't like him so didn't go again, but I dod like hypno cd's so would give it a go again maybe if I had the money. How did you find your hypnotherapist was it by recommendation.

space x

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I also meant to say candle that if you found antid's to help you in the past then it may well be a good idea for you to have a course of them while you are sorting yourself out, use anything that may be of help it doesn't really matter what it is and they are undoubtedly good for some people. x

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello Ms InnerWest if you are here - I'm feeling rude not chatting - which post were you responding to? This technology is pretty stupid - if you give the number at the top right (like this one is likely to be #5386 (permalink)) I'm sure there will be someone here who will share/empathise/help if we have the context...

Dear Space. Understand about the book, and your endorsement of Weeds make me think maybe my time would be better spent on watching that, sure will be more fun! Nothing to do with a possible super-sexy character, uh-uh, nope, no way - just so we're clear... Talking of the Kinsey thingy again - I think there are some people who are soooo lovely they don't 'count' - lusting after them is a basic force of nature and no reflection on your Kinsey scaling - just an acknowledgement that you have a pulse. A bit like the list of 5 people you are allowed to sleep with without seeking permission or there being repercussions.
I was playing a game with my son and his friend about 6 months ago (they're 7), and they wanted to know my Super Power. Serious question and I thought it should be based on fact as much as possible, so I answered "My Super Power is Sleep!" which they thought quite funny, and every time I used it in the game, I got killed - turns out it is a rubbish super power against 7 yos. My point is, and I do have one, I have lost my super power! Been awake since 4:00am and now can no longer smugly read posts talking about the insomnia and think, well I might be messed-up but at least I can sleep! I think I hear the Fluoxetine calling - SSRIs always worked really well for me and the anxiety is getting beyond a joke - I'm now freaking about what toys to take back...

Ah Daylight, and alarm will go off soon,

Love to all,

CitW

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Now that I haven't drank in a while social situations do feel awkward. So I just try my best to act drunk, and then f**k it, I do what I think I would have done if I were really drunk. It helps.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So many funny posts here - I'll try to answer back when I have more time. Candle - you are great & so fun to read! The back & forths about meeting up with your ex are so identifiable...hanging on the the ankles cracked me up. With kids involved, I hope it goes ok!

Sun & Play - I am soooooooo happy for you both getting your heads/lives straight & losing the desire to drink. It's amazing.

Space - always love your detailed posts! So much to comment on, but you have so many interesting insights on mental illness vs & w/ AL addiction...hope you are ok for now. Sounds like it...in spite of the dailiness of living!! Hang in there! You are my hero too - overcoming so much and continuing to be a role model for your kids!

Meggie/Bri/Stuck - yikes a new year for us all w/ classes & kids...trying to keep the mind-numbing under control. I appreciate all the accolades others heap on us, but we are just workers like the rest of you...except sometimes I realize maybe I am teaching them a thing or two!! lol Hope it reaches a few of them!

So my daughter said she'd call 30 minutes ago and I am now done & ready to get in bed & watch Mad Men! Love this series - but OMG they drink & smoke!! Great series tho. My drinking has been about the same, but it is taking its toll. I find that I sometimes can't connect & express complete sentences without pausing and sort-of shaking my head. Mispronounce words, can't get the thoughts out. I'm having cognitive difficullties, I'm sure due to AL consumption and it scares me. I have red, itchy, watery eyes - alot and it drives me crazy. Not always, but some days worse than others...I actually think it may be the building I'm in as other complain about the same thing.

Still - I think about what a loser I am ALL the time, then make excuses and set the shit aside to get through the day, trying to live it out positively. I am living a relatively happy life, but am having real troubles & I know it's AL related and I GOTTA slow down. Being on here helps tremendously!! The last couple of days especially, have cut way down...every little but helps!

I hate the chipping away of my mental & physical well-being...good to come here and read/talk/share. Kumbaya -

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I wasn't going to post, its 6am here and Ive been up since 5, not because I have to but once again because I just woke and couldn't get back off.

Houxt Im worried about you, you sound pretty down, you have said before about the fact that drinking is taking its toll and you know that will only get worse but you manage to keep your life on track, keep doing your job, which isn't an easy job and keep all the other balls in the air as well, running your home, looking after yourself, your car, ect ect, things I cant do or struggle with, and yet you are putting yourself right down and thinking so badly of yourself, you are NOT a loser, no way. Look, you need to realise that living is hard, especially hard for some of us, I don't know why some people have it easy and others not it just is, but you and I both know that being a single woman of a certain age is not just hard, its fucking tiring, hurtful, the responsibility of doing everything yourself and having no one to lean on is enormous and exhausting and yet you do it, everyday. Give yourself a pat on the back woman you desrve it.

Some of the stuff that's up with you does sound like its going on in the place where you work, but not all, the cognitive problems are worrying and must affect your work and make it harder to do plus as we get older the drinking does hurt out bodies more, we also feel it more.

So, Ms Houxt what are we going to do about it, you tell me. What do you want to do and what do you want to achieve and then that's a good starting point to get a plan together. You can work this out and you don't have to go it alone, I am here pretty much everyday now and if you want to pm me it shows on my emails as well. I hope that I can not only jibber jabber on but I can listen as well.

I need to look into mad men I keep hearing great things about it but its not on Netflix, I will check out how I can watch it without having to shell out any more money on entertainment, I just had sky (satellite) tv fitted after months of not having a tv connection (no arial) because I also needed a new broadband provider the one Ive had is crap so I now have that bill to pay. If I can find it now I can get it nailed before I start my work I need to not be watching something addictive for me as I will have to really get my time sorted and disciplined to be able to do a degree mostly from home on my own. There is a tutor but they will mostly be online, emailing on phone and Skype with just a few days going into classes thoughout the term so the rest, setting times and such will be up to me. The reason Im doing it with open university rather than going to the actual university is that I already tried that but when I get ill I miss days and then am always trying to catch up and that doesn't work for me. I am going to take some English classes at my local adult education centre to get help writing out my essays and also so I get some teacher contact each week I need to sort that today if I can.

Ms Innerwest are you still there, if so post again and join in if you want you are welcome.

space x

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh I forgot to say, I have one of the most depressing jobs of the year to start today, packing up my summer clothes into vacuum bags, small house means I only have one wardrobe so I have to swap my winter/summer clothes around. I hate that the winter clothes are out soooooo long and the summer ones seem to only be there for a few weeks a year I hate our climate and so want to live somewhere hot.

x

[CandleInTheWind]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Come to Bangkok Space! Hot all the time! All the meds over the counter! Massage givers never a problem! Cheap as chips to live!

I'm going to be really upset if summer is really over in Blighty - maybe you packing your clothes will trigger an Indian summer.

CitW

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Rushing off for another day with the kiddo's. Going to be another hot one. We don't have air in class and it is so hot. Can't even learn or enjoy each other when you are ungodly hot. Going to hypno on Saturday. I think it is a guy. I started with a new counselour who is into all sorts of things, meditation, riki, indian spiritual things. I am excited because I want to be free of my deamons.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Meggie, I pmd you a few days ago in response tp your post. Not sure if you have seen the message but let me know if you have any questions