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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Dear Space, I'm sad for the experiences that have closed your mind to being open to the realization that we are all part of a power that is without beginning and without end, like the waves are really just the ocean, like the stars are just manifestations of the infinite galaxies and on and on. It is not something that some people get and you dont get, not something that i have that you don't have, not something that I am capable of understanding that you are incapable of understanding. It is only that you are not yet training your mind to think and see in a different way. You do not have to go to a twelve step program, to a church or a cult, all you need do is make a small effort to be open to the possibility that things are not as you think them and believe them. Just make some small efforts in the comfor and privacy of your own home to read and practice some things that might seem different or odd to you right now, but believe in them because others have found peace thru them, just be open to the possibility that it might make a difference for you. Just start reading "Letting Go, The Pthway to Surrender, by David R Hawkins and listen to the Loving Kindness guided meditations which I can send to you, these are a great start and take very little time or energy and what can it hurt to give them a try? I wouldn't tell you these things if I didn't believe them myself, if they hadnt made a huge difference in my life, if i didnt know that they can make a difference for you. The only thing I cannot do for you is find the strength of spirit to try!!! I know that you are going thru a dark time right now and I am holding you in my prayers that you find your resolve to try a new direction. The reading and doing guided meditations can be even more effective in distracting and lifting you out of your depression and dark thoughts than watching any tv show, it just takes a little time, please try Space, just give it all some time, no thoughts of believing in god or anything, just reading and practicing and seeing where it leads without hurry or pressure, it is very simple and delightful. Send me your address again and I will send you the CDs and just get the book from amazon or on the kindle app or I will send it to you along with the CDs.

    Funny Girl, we have no problem tolerating anything that you tell us here, you are beautiful:h but you must grant yourself forgiveness just as you would be loving and forgiving to us.

    Gotta go for now but thinking of everyone and please know that my remarks may offend they do come from a place of Love for you all here.

    play

    Comment


      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      [.

      Gotta go for now but thinking of everyone and please know that my remarks may offend they do come from a place of Love for you all here.

      play
      Play if you know your remarks may offend then why make them, when you offend someone you hurt them.

      I am glad you edited your post and I hope you did it in time so as not to upset anyone else. Please stop knocking me for watching tv, it is a harmless pastime that I enjoy and you are upsetting me now by going on about it as something bad..

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        New here and starting Topa and with a question

        I had actually written a whole post to everyone but have now lost it, in fact Im not quite sure what is going on here now.

        Houxt you go girl, get that plan working for you, try posting on here for a few days first to give yourself a goal and then come on here when you have done it. Or pm me if you want. The last time I took AB a while back it did work but the first day I had a bit of a wobble when I was sorry I had taken it and really wanted a drink, it past pretty quickly tho and then it was easy. As I keep telling you your life is cool, even the golf, Ive never played it myself but have always wondered about it, I will have to get my son to come with me one day to give it a try. Just do this in your own time. The best plans are well laid. You have the rest of your life well sorted so this is just the icing on the cake. Any cutting down in alcohol is good for your health, think if I normally have eg ? 60units a week then by not drinking on three days I will have less than 40. ( I could work that out properly I just cant be arsed). You rock.

        Funny girl, what is this with the looser thing?? you are not a loser so please try to remember that. Yes try topa, try supps, try anything that may help you and make you feel more positive about what you are doing. You have cut down and are posting more often, in my mind you are winning.

        Play I started reading your post and at first I was thinking well yes ok maybe what is the harm in finding out what you are doing, then you pissed me off, first having to drop in the fact that I watch tv, I don't know why that would fuck up my life but you seem to have something against it, and then, well, you will know why I got even more upset.



        I did need to talk about myself today but I cant now, and wont, I am feeling to fucking hurt and angry and also lacking trust for the first time I have ever been on here.

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          New here and starting Topa and with a question

          Now why am I the one left feeling guilty

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            New here and starting Topa and with a question

            Space & Play - thanks for the kind words. I'm glad to have the support - have to come out here more often. When you stay away, you forget how much it can help. We have a beautiful day here today, so I'm puttering around getting a lot done. Took the dogs for a big walk this morning, so feeling a bit better than I was. So . . . a bit more hopeful today. Now, it's off to the store to get something yummy to cook up for dinner. Ciao!

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              New here and starting Topa and with a question

              Funny girl thank you, I had also spoken earlier today to someone who is 6 days sober and had forgotten the hope and good feelings I had when I first got sober, I also enjoyed the simple things in life like having a yummy dinner, taking the dogs for a walk. Thanks for reminding me of how to live life and enjoy it. Tommorrow I want to take my dogs for a walk too. What are you eating? I hope its good.

              space x

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                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                Hi everyone. Glad to hear it sounds like a couple people are doing really well. And a couple traveling and that's always exciting, right? Anyway, I have zero to add these days (except a whole lotta' sexting, actually, but das ist verboten to mention here ). Well OK I'm off to shower and then to maybe buy a stovetop-espresso maker, and then to watch some football and drink like 12 non-alcoholic beers and get really wild and crazy. Like maybe read a book or something later. You just never know what might happen.

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                  New here and starting Topa and with a question

                  Good for you to pop over here stuck, keep on sexing, but shhh. I like the idea of the stovetop expresso make and the really wild crazy book reading. Its just so amazing how well you are doing. Keep it up

                  space x

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                    New here and starting Topa and with a question

                    Space - I certainly didn't read your post very thoroughly, did I??!! You need the same pep-talk you gave me! I am so sorry you are feeling so very down in the dumps. I haven't read ahead to see what Play may have commented on, but Faith is a very personal thing for sure. I'm not exactly religious, but I do belief in God and have faith there is something bigger than we are, and that "He" has a plan for us. That's as far as I'll take it. Hope is a very important thing to have - without hope there is despair. I hope you have some Hope going on, at least.

                    Don't beat yourself up. And I applaud you for taking charge of your own therapy. There's no real use in digging up the past unless you need to. It's like, ok that happened, now move on. I hope you feel better soon. Hope that posting here helps, like it usually does. Hang in there, gf!
                    XO

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                      New here and starting Topa and with a question

                      Also, I'm sure Play did not mean to piss you off, but I understand how you might be. I watch TV all the time - at least it's on in the background with just about everything I do at home. I read my Kindle on the treadmill - relaxing! lol Don't let it get to you. Hope you walked the dogs and there was sunshine. It was 90 on the golf course for me, but a good breeze and it was pretty fun. I got paired up with an old dude (78) who seemed like he had emphyzema - breathing was labored and he'd break down into these hacking, horrible wheezing coughing fits. Kinda grossed me out...but a bad day on the golf course beats watching TV any day!! LOL KIDDING!!

                      I'm glad Play & Sun are finding new meaning in life, while the rest of us struggle. (I don't mean that to sound condescending - hope it didn't. Tried to think of how to reword it, without much luck). I truly am happy for them. It's like a miracle. Stuck perhaps needs to meditate more and sext less!! HAHA - no, I'm jealous!! Wish someone were sexting me!! Tell, tell, Stuck!

                      Funny Girl, Bri - welcome back and hope the TOPA works for you both! Let us know how it goes.Trying to do something positive everyday helps me. I beat myself up with the guilt over my consumption, but being here & talking to Space & everyone else, has really lifted me up. Very therapeutic.

                      I rarely watch football, but it's a really tight game between TX A&M Aggies (my son's alma mater & recently involved in a scandal w/ their QB asking for payment in return for autographs. Stupid kid.) and Alabama's Crimson Tide right now. Go Aggies!! (My daughter attends rival UT, so she's rooting for the Tide for sure. My niece goes to OU, so it's pretty funny during football season). I know nothing about football, so I'll stop this rattle.

                      Hope everyone has a good rest of the weekend!

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                        New here and starting Topa and with a question

                        A gentleman never kisses and tells, houtx! :H

                        I'm just learning why in AA they tell you not to get involved in any relationships until you've been sober at least a year. Other than that, just sitting here listening to the new Daughn Gibson album - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyfeNOkM5t0[/video]]it kicks ass.

                        Sorry about A&M, houtx. I never root for 'Bama but I hate Manziel...

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                          New here and starting Topa and with a question

                          Space - made myself a huge pot of tomato sauce today (I'm Italian, so it's like therapy for me). That way tomorrow, I have some for a nice Sunday pasta dinner. Tonight I just had some with a crusty bit of bread and dipped that, and had a nice salad with it. (you know - since I'll be pigging out tomorrow).

                          Houtx - I too beat myself up over my consumption. Especially since I was cutting back so well & on my way to sobriety till I went on this business trip this past week & went off the rails again. Oh brother. I'm going to start taking the Topa & get back on track. Hopefully, I'll be able to do it again. The timing is good since work is getting so busy - it's easier to be sober when I literally don't have time to drink. Have to remember to keep coming out here for inspiration & then I'll be ok. Everyone is different & I guess we all have to just forgive ourselves for our slip ups and keep moving in the right direction. (although, it's always easier to say that to someone else, other than yourself)

                          Stuck in LA - can't wait to hear what happens. They do tell you in AA not to get involved, and that is for a good reason. It can sidetrack you from your real goals & you may slip up trying to be "normal" - especially in a new relationship. It sounds like you already know this person well though, so maybe it will be ok . . . .hard to say. I was certainly not very good at relationships - I tend to make a big mess of it all.

                          Oh well everyone - I'm going to turn in & hopefully get up early and have a good day again. Trying to keep my mood up so that I can actually quit drinking altogether again and be ok with it. Needs to be soon - I'm sick of thinking about it (back & forth, back & forth . . . .feel like a rat on a treadmill).

                          Comment


                            New here and starting Topa and with a question

                            Im just too tired right now to go into anything. plus too much irony.

                            funny girl your sauce sounds delicious can you pm me the recipe, that's if its not one of those family secret type recipies I would love to try it. My favourite food is Italian, also Rome is one of my favourite places, I hope to go back next year. I hope you have a wonderful sunday.

                            Stuck are you ok, from your post you sound like you are having relationship problems, I mean actual relationships not just your sexing, (is that an actual phrase?). Putting it off for a year doesn't really make a difference I think it just delays the same problems, I hope you are ok you have had such an uphill struggle its about time you got some downhill breeze in your hair and felt some easy time. Boredom, monotony, sex, relationships, money ect ect this is the stuff that happens and gets us down, and that's when things are going ok. Its crap but its life, sometimes I kind of think in evolution terms we should have stuck at the wheel and then we would all be happy. I look at my dogs and they just eat, pee, have sex, run around, dig a hole and then sleep and its so easy for them. What the hell is wrong with us.

                            space x

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                              New here and starting Topa and with a question

                              Sorry houxt hi, I didn't say anything to you, revised plan for you, eat, pee, have sex, run around, dig a hole and sleep

                              space x

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                                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                                Hi
                                I'm rushing out the door but I'd like to ask that we keep this a safe and judgement-free zone. Judging and trying to make other people follow your winning recipe when you're not drinking is why none of us is at AA. I'm really proud of all the achievers but remember what you felt like when other members of this group tried to force their opinions on you. Especially when you were drinking and not ready for change. We all go through problems, ups and downs. Sometimes just hearing about your day and connecting with you as a person is nice.
                                Dx

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