New here and starting Topa and with a question

[briseus]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I keep falling behind here...
Space...since your replied a couple pages back...
When you had asked me which one had I wanted to deal with first, weight or drinking. I think I have to tackle with these both head on. I can't do one without the other. Since alcohol is full of empty calories.
My days I eat healthy, it's my nights where I drink a litre of wine (hello 1,500 calories) and dig into a bowl of pasta (probably another 1,200) and wonder why over a year I had gained 50lbs.
Gee!
I think that is what is motivating me as well to stay away from the booze. When I see the numbers go down on the scale. But sometimes when it doesn't budge it's easy for the addictive voice to come out and say "see?? It was never the wine that made you fat! So come on. Lets have a glass!"
We all know it was never a glass though...

I have had weeks without the booze. Just those three days for some reason the voice was stronger. Not sure why. Maybe I wasn't doing something right?
But I am going Mon-Fri without the wine. Sat is harder because my boyfriend will have some drinks on his weekends (he doesn't drink like me) and then Sundays are harder because I drank Saturday.
I just need to break out of this habit thing.

Definitely would love to give the hypno CDs a try.
I have yet to PM Play and she also suggested a book too I need to check out.
I definitely understand the time thing. I am always running out of time. So much to do. Maybe that's why the voice is stronger lately to drink? Because I am not taking the time to nurture myself?
Also I am having a little bit of issues here and there with relationships and with myself I guess and I might need to deal with that instead of going to the wine.
Good on you Space for trying to quit smoking! )
I know this is going to sound horrible but sometimes I wonder if I start up again if it'll be easier for me to quit drinking.
Crazy thinking. I know.

Thanks so much for the advice Space.

And you're right Houtx. Doing something positive everyday will help. Dwelling on the past does nothing and will only lead to more drinking, destruction, guilt and a life where nothing comes from it.
I have accomplished so much more from not drinking than I have from when I did.
I wish I could have done more but I just started this journey.
Like everyone is saying. We can't beat ourself up.
Wednesday I start 200mg and will sit there for a while.

Lots of luv,
Bri.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dizzy you are so wise, thanks for your post and reminding me of why I use this thread.

Bri you are doing so well, just drinking one night a week and not the others is such a massive change, I now get where you are coming from I was thinking that maybe you where just trying to loose a few pounds and focusing on that instead of the big change. I also agree that the extra calories do no good but its that once Ive had a drink the will[power to do anything else goes out the window too so its easier to go and eat even more foor, then more guilt and bad feelings and round and round it goes. But really all I want to say is a massive well done on what you are achieving.

I do need to try the doing something positive everyday too Houxt, I don't know what yet, the weather is bad so the walk is out of the question but I do want to take the time to play a new Xbox game with my sons, I have been putting it off all week for some reason. The greatest gift I gove got to give them is love and time and I do need to give them more of both. That should also make me feel better about myself as well, you never know I might even like playing (that's a no no Im so crap its just painful to watch).

Play I am glad you are doing so well and are happy.

Well off to take my second new laptop back, I have been putting that off also, I just don't want to have to deal with the attitude of some shop workers when you try to return things, there is a woman in this particular shop who is a major bitch, even when I go to buy something I wont let her serve me, there isn't another shop selling electricals in the area so Im kind of stuck with this one, I cant get my money back either to order from Amazon now they refuse refunds so wish me luck.

space x

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space - I can PM you general guidelines for the sauce. I adjust as I go - no set recipe. I exercise a lot of latitude depending on my mood - but there are some basic constants, so I'll send you some info on how I make mine & then you can make it your own. It's lovely to have the whole house smell like that! Love your comment about the dogs - I look at mine & wonder the same thing - what the hell is wrong with us?? They are so happy doing so little . . . .

Bri - the "habit thing" is the hardest thing for me, at least. I have a routine that's taken years to establish, so don't be hard on yourself. There are certain triggers & events that make you want to drink. It was the same with smoking for me (and I was a HEAVY smoker). Took me years to modify behavior on that front. What I did there was when I'd quit & fail, I'd just take it out of another part of my life, so for example, if I went back to smoking, I'd just never do it again with coffee. Then the next time, I'd just never do it again after a meal - until pretty much there were very few events left that it was automatically associated with. I know it sounds laborious, but it worked for me. I find drinking to be kind of the same - I have the most trouble with some events - Football comes on - I want a beer . . .and so on. . . . The emotional association is very strong & hard to break, so don't be too hard on yourself. Pay attention to times when the urge is most strong & see what you can do to squelch it. I'm still working on that myself. . . . . (right now not being too stellar about it . . . . :-)

Anyway, did pretty well today. I drank, but not much at all for me on a Football Sunday, so I'm trying to just say that was ok and move on from there. Tomorrow is a new day . . .

Night all.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

Funny girl what a lovely post, it has made me smile with my first coffee of the day

Your advice to Bri is very sound and you are so wise. I have cigaretes but also mostly roll my own and smoke a lot, I am getting nowhere with just stopping so am going to take your advice about stopping at certain "events" of the day. Its too late today for the don't smoke with coffee but not too late for not smoking after meals, a time I always need to smoke so I will start there.

You are making such good progress, I hope you have a great day.

As for me I haven't been feeling well at all, either physically or mentally, I need to be more pro-active about this, I have already made a change to my day when my son went back to school a couple of weeks ago, I started getting up half an hour earlier, it is helping me and him, no more rushing round and he now always eats his breakfast, he leaves far better prepared for the day. I am looking forward to getting the sauce recipe, I understand what you mean about changing as you go along, I often do that with my recipies, I have also started last week by making a home made dinner every nigh for us all, son meal times are now better, I do need to make it more healthy but that's hard with two picky lads but I want to add some more optional veg. Apart from that today I intend to do a 10 minute walk a day with a dog, the two are sometimes too much for me now, it seems I have got a lot older since I got them but they don't seem to have slowed down at all.

Have a good day everyone

space x

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ive just been on the holistic threads and found something called the 5 Tibetans, its 5 yoga excercises to do every day, it only takes 10 minutes. So Im wondering does anyone fancy joining me in doing it. Im starting today as one of my new lifestyle changes to hopefully help me feel better.

space x

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi just testing my laptop

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hope all are well. Good luck to you space. I found just whittling away the smoking behavior one event at a time helped. Didn't get to send sauce info today, too much work. Maybe tomorrow- I'm bushed. Hope everyone is doing well. Goodnight all!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi funny girl and everyone, Im looking forward to the sauce recipe and so are my sons but don't worry just send it when you have time and that would be great. I have never actually just made a tomato sauce for my pasta always had meat ones so a healthy veg one would be great.

I had an awful dream this morning, something about a coffee pot with an alarm on it that I could get turned off, it was really loud and the neighbours where complaining, I was trying to smash it up and everything, even had to get a man in. I then woke up 20 minutes after I had set my alarm! it must have been going off all that time while I was dreaming about it is not the best start to the day. I do hope to get my 5 Tibetans fitted in this morning tho.

I do agree with you funny girl about the whittling away at bad habits/addictions, it has taken me years to get my drinking down, but I would get longer between a bender and it would be shorter and less severe each time. Around 3-4 years ago after rehab I went on a 3 month bender and neither me or my family thought I would make it through that one it was my worst drinking ever and thankfully I have never been that bad since, although last year I did have a fairly bad one which was so upsetting for me as it happened when I was supposed to be visiting play, it was something I was so looking forward to but these things happen and theres nothing I can do about it.

When I saw my therapist yesterday and she asked me if I wanted to talk about some details of my drinking which have made me feel very guilty I told her that the past should remain there and its time to move on and build my relationships from here with my family and others. It is the first time I have ever felt that and believed it but I do hope it is a turning point for me in my life and will at last free me from the guilt that has held me back for so long.

sending you all love

space x

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

That sounds like exactly the alarm clock I need, Space.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone. I am typing on my nook and am hopeless at it p,us it takes about ten minutes to download one page so am loathe to try and go back and see whaat has been going on. I have just found out that I have no idea how to correct stuff on the line above so you will have to excuse typoes.... LOL.

I am having a wonderful time. Such a shame that Space could not meet Candle and me today. I LOVED Candle - she is quite delightful and so very easy to get on with. We didn't have long together and the time flew by. I was just happy that we did get to meet up at all...
Maybe next time Space eh? I will start to get a complex otherwise..LOL

I found it really easy not todrink at my mums and am still not smoking either. At the station today I did look at the cigs and gave myself a mental shake and walked away.

I miss posting but no-one has wi-fi and I cannot go on their computers for long so check email and that is about it.

Love and miss you all, love Sun xxxx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello my friends - Lots of interestng stuff to comment on:

Recipes: I LOVE to cook and agree w/ you, Funny Girl, these are not really recipes but maybe diversions and conglomerations of recipes of tomato sauces thru the ages (or books). I have tried making a tomato sauce from scratch, but usually take a good jar of something low in cals/carbs/fat & sugar and add to it w/ cans of good diced tomatoes, browned Italian sausage, sauteed mushrooms,tomatoes, etc...I do the add-ins basically w/ anything & everything. I try to go lo-carb most of the time, so use spaghetti squash as my base for the sauce. Dreamfields supposedly offers a low-carb pasta, but I question it. Still...I'll use it over any other.

Smoking: GAWD - I wish it would be good for us!! I LOVED smoking. Occasionally I still might have one...BUT, it tastes and smells nasty to me now under most circumstances. Under other circumstances, it is fine: Staying w/ WTE last March, I was never uncomfortable w/ the cigarette smoke as she has a great house w/ windows open, etc...and I went to a cigar bar recently and while it irritated my eyes, I was still ok. Y'all should worry about one vice at a time. Smoking is, supposedly the hardest to give up.

Etc: Life in general is pretty challenging and I appreciate reading about everyone's trials and tribulations. Hold on...I'm going for another glass of wine...lol I am wired and up later than normal b/c my school had Open House and I am trying to wind down!! UGH!! Cold meds don't help...I have been suffering from the sneezing, coughing, congestion, miserableness, that goes with this common ailment. I'm a mess. So the other night I was FaceBook stalking my "HB" (Heartbreak) from years past...got diverted to his kids' pages...looking at posts and pictures. Lo and behold...a picture posted "from my dad's wedding"...in May.

Blow me over with a feather. I did not feel devastated, like crying, or anything horrendous. Just SHOCKED...kinda. A year or so in a random email or text he'd said he'd gotten serious with someone. It just was a stunner to hear...and that he must've married her. I've been too preoccupied thinking "Why her and not me??!!" the last 24 hrs. Seriously, I am not hurting or anything, just blown back to the past.

I'm not religious but think there is a God, and that He has a plan for our lives. Comes from my Presbyterian upbringing. That's pretty much it. No big "Oh I'm so blessed" or anything like that. Just that que sera sera, what will be, will be thing. So I think maybe the much anticipated happiness with another man will be there eventually, if it's in the stars...ya know??!! "Someday My Prince Will Come", and all that -

So even with all that, I couldn't help but think: WHY THE HELL DID YOU PICK THAT HEIFER AND NOT ME??!!"

Of course, I don't know what she looks like, but I can guarantee you she is not as cute, young at heart (and looking) and fun as me. I am SOOOOOOOO Over it. Whatever. Just kinda makes one wonder: Why her and not me?!

Late night at school with Open House. A couple glasses of wine and here to wind down...it is 11 pm Central Time despite what the clock says in the display of where I posted. Bed time!! Hope alls well out there

Space, good for you on taking charge with your therapist and funny about the dawn dream about the alarm clock!! Dreams are such a weird part of our psyche...I could go on but must tuck myself in! Have not proof-read, just sending. Stay strong, all!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning all

Houxt there is no way that woman can come anywhere near you in all aspects, especially the fun bit which is what I know you to be. Just stay over it.

Its strange isn't tho, I was always waiting for my night in shining armour, and looking but then I just got a load of arseholes instead so I gave up waiting. Actually at first it was about the idea that if you stop looking than he will come along, kind of meant in the stars sort of way, but that has never happened so I jhust gave up and now cant imagine myself to ever be with a man again, which is pretty sad really when I think about it, so I try not to. A couple of glasses of wine sounds like you have cut down, if so that's is really good. I want to try the cutting out a cigarette at a certain time so I intend to first stop smoking in the car. I bought some chewing gum yesterday to have instead. When I started trying to cut down and I had managed to just drink of an evening I started putting a time on when I could have my first drink, 7pm then 7.30pm that kind of thing and it did work for me surprisingly enough. Some nights I would just catch up by drinking quicker in the time I had, others I would go to bed later but mostly I got used to having less.

Sun I am glad you are having a good time, sorry I missed meeting you again but couldn't have done the coach trip when I really stopped and thought about it, not with the pain I have been having lately but happy that you and candle managed to meet. Look forward to you getting back and hearing all about it and your getting back on the thread again. You have been missed you are such a major part of all this and have been for a long time.

Hi funny girl, dizzy, bri, meggie and everyone else out there


I woke once again late this morning with a banging headache and a weird dream about my daughter working as a pharmacy assistant and that alarm going off on a machine in there, then an elephant dancing in the room! I had got to buy a new alarm clock last week so I think the strange sound is causing it to not wake me but invade my dreams. I have checked out the shop where I bought my last one years ago and they now have a different model but I will go and get one today and hope it makes the same sound as the last one.

I have had weeks of my sleep being very disturbed by bad dreams, I mean about 4 - 5 times a night waking up with them but none since last week so I hope that has stopped now, I was beginning to get worried about going to sleep a bit like nightmare on Elm Street.

I did see my therapist with all intention of not going into past relationships with my family and told her that, she agreed with me that the past was in the past but then it was me who started going into my mum - me one, probably the most difficult and significant relationship of my life and ended up in tears once again. So many years of keeping emotions drowned by alcohol and now they seem to be pouring out. Last night I was watching a soap opera that I sometimes get into then loose interest in for a while but the big story over tow nights which I watched both on catch up where about a woman character with bipolar, what happened would propbably not affect most people but I was sobbing my heart out so much my eldest son even came running down the stairs thinking something major had happened. I am going with the idea of some psychologists that this is a good thing to release all this so am just going to go with it. It will of course take time though, like most things worth while.

I have also been having awful headaches, I mean sit in a dark room with my head in my hands type, these are daily and come on as the day progresses, they are not migraines but tension headaches and no matter what I do I cant seem to relieve them. I am booked in for an Indian head massage next Monday and wish I didn't have to wait that long but it was on a wowcher (do you have them in US?) and this is the first appointment they had. I wish I could find a place with a better price though and book a course of them I amsure it would do me good. Either that or acupuncture which I have had in the past but the good therapists in that are always expensive.

My son is off school today he has some kind of bug when he came home yesterday he said he was not feeling well. Wednesday is his favourite day in school so he is even more upset about it.

Okay that's enough from me

love space x

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Space, I just replied to you just before your short PM but I get confused as to when they are written and if one sees the new reply. I just want to say, please don't be sad, we are still here and our energy is connected forever because we came together at some point in our lifetime to learn from each other and help each other grow, so keep walking forward no matter what.

Love,
play

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone. Very amusing posts here to read today. I had started on a low daily dose of the topa this week, and am afraid I'm not going to be able to tolerate it. I took it a few years ago and manage to titrate up, and eventually got over initial side effects and it worked well. But for some reason this time, it's making me VERY depressed (I think dangerously so in such a short time) and I feel like I have the flu. I'm going to have to take myself off of it. This is a bummer. Has anyone else experienced this? the only thing I can think of as being different is that my body is very different this time. I had cancer last year (long story) & surgery - so, they threw me into menopause overnight. Maybe the lack of hormones, etc. are making it different this time. Do you all think that might be it? It's all I can think of . . . .what a bummer. I was hoping it would work well again. It did make me not want to drink, but if the side effects are like this, it's not going to be something I can do. I think at higher doses it will just be worse. I just can't win. But - if I'm not "up" mentally - I won't be able to do anything I need to do that's positive, so it's no good.
Space - I haven't gotten to the sauce thing yet - I've just been so busy & now struggling with this topa thing . . . .Houtx - when I make tomato sauce I never use any sugar in it at all - just basil. That sweetens sauce and tastes better (at least to me) - you might try it. Even if you start with something that's prepared as your base, look for one that doesn't contain any sugar or fructose. They do have some in jars now that don't contain any. Then you can doctor it up yourself. You sound like a girl after my own heart - just grabbing a pot & going with where your mood takes you. It's all about fun and, for me at least, the act of doing it & making my house smell wonderful & cozy!

Night all!

[Funny Girl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, I forgot - Space, if you're going to eliminate smoking from the car, I used to keep a pen or some other "cigarette" sized object handy that I could put between my fingers while I drove to get the hand thing taken care of - it really helped me not miss it while I was in there. Just another idea . . .