New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wait - what, Stuck??!! You don't have a TV??!! That is so cool, but to anyone else coming into your house, way weird. Yes, get a TV for the girl's sake. Watching the news, just having it there, is essential. All else, I agree with...the desire to drink is the hardest thing. But you have done such an amazing job of not doing so! Good for you - hang in there!!

I have had a lovely weekend so far. Went to a couple of favorite resale shops and found a beautiful antique painted door. Very lightweight and already has the hangers on it. I asked the shop if they could go lower than the $100 asking price, and was told $75. Boo-yah!! It's the coolest thing - going to be the focal point in my bedroom along with my collection of souvenier vacation plates surrounding it. Someone tell me how to attach photos to this site and I'll send.

As far as my brain function, I really am concerned about myself. I KNOW alcohol is taking its toll - funny how it just sortof rears its ugly head. I go to say something and it comes out semi-garbled. Like the muscles at the back of my tongue and throat close up. Not all the time, but enough to make me worry -

I wish I had a man in my life!! Not lonely, but just miss the companionship and sex! I thought playing golf would be a sure way to meet men...ehhhhh, it is so not happening! Oh well, one day my prince will come! Having a lovely Saturday night cooking and messing around with the things I bought on my resale shopping spree! Twas fun!

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone,

The move was ok but everything after that a bit if a nightmare as we are both still in bed with the flu, cranky as hell, with chores piling up all over the place. It MUST be coming to an end soon now. I think I had a cold and then the flu hit the night we moved in, I had 2 days of feeling OK but need my health back.

Also can't wait for second bed and first sofa to arrive on Tuesday. From now on I'm only moving in the middle of Summer!

Will chat to you all as soon as I have a bit more energy.

XOX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - I am having trouble with my connections and keep losing internet - I would never have believed how freaked out I would be about that until it happened ! For now though we are connected again.

Dizzy - you and hubs sound as if you have really been through the wringer - I so hope that you get to feeling better soon.....:l

Hi there Houtx - gosh your troubles sound worrisome. I am not sure though that it is AL that has done that - maybe you should go to the doctor and have it checked out? I can't see how your AL intake would make your muscles at the back of your throat etc. go funny. Please go to the doc and have it checked out ? Just for your (and my) peace of mind ?

Stuck - you have done so well with your AF. Why would you start again now? Does your friend that is coming to visit drink? And re the TV - I watch very little and could probably do without it too. Now my computer and the internet - THAT is a different story!

Space - hi there - Yes, I did a double take when I read about your taking your masters degree! LOL Baby steps - right? Yes thank you, everything is going really well for me right now - I am still working on stuff with my therapist but that is an ongoing thing and she is great.

Good for you working so much on your course today - I think it is really good for you to do that - it will give you some focus I think! I am sorry that you haven't been feeling good though but hopefully you are coming out of that now.

Hi there funny girl - gosh I do empathise with you with the position you are in. And yes, work must be manic since no-one really seems to know what is going on. And as you said, the govt. shut downs don't help at all. But check in when you can - how is the drinking going? Yes, the dogs are great - the two new rescues are settling in really well and I am so happy that we got them. Our other dog gets on well with them and all three of them tear around the garden playing together. it is such a joy to watch.

Meggie - how are things? How is the hypnosis going? I am sure that things are terribly stressful for you right now with school and hubs and stuff - I keep saying it but I don't know how you and Houtx teach! I could not do it if you paid me any amount. Anyway - I so hope things are getting better for you......

Well, off to check on the terrible trio who are outside - hopefully not digging ! We have had to put fences up everywhere around the flower beds to stop the newbies !!

Love and hugs to you all, love, Sun XX

P.S. I had copied and saved this and am SO happy I did 'cos the computer wouldn't work again so I would have lost it !!!!

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Time to get my head back in the game.

Houtx: I had an old tube TV, maybe 26" or so, that a friend of mine gave me for free because she was throwing it out. I bought a 42" flat screen on Saturday. I don't have cable, and probably won't get cable. But I do have access to my French exGF's Netflix account and I ordered NHL Gamecenter for the season, so there's a lot of hockey I can watch, as well as of course playing Xbox games. I might subscribe to Hulu since that's only $8/mo and I think it's probably worth it even though I only watch one show on Hulu (Castle). I haven't had cable for about 6 or 7 years now, but I do like playing video games and watching movies and a few TV shows on something bigger than my laptop.

But what I probably shouldn't be doing is just lying in bed, getting high, and watching the pretty moving pictures on this miraculously fabulous LED screen. I don't know WTF I'm up to, honestly, other than falling behind. I guess I just don't like being sober or productive or engaged with the world - considering I've been reaching for the weed by around 7pm and spending the rest of the night stoned until falling asleep, and then waking up late the next day and not really feeling like doing sh*t.

In the grand scheme of things, I'm not smoking that much - this gram has lasted me a month - but it's definitely allowing me to just f**k off and not do a whole lot of anything. And yeah, I have conflicted feelings about the TV, which thanks to a student loan and not buying alcohol these past 5 months, I can actually afford without a real problem. To give you an idea, bought the TV on Saturday, and Sunday morning went to a talk by Chris Hedges, titled "The Myth of Human Progress and the Collapse of Complex Societies." So... yeah, a big part of me continues to think I should be resisting capitalism and greed and the impulse to sit and do nothing. And another part of me is trying to do whatever I possibly can to avoid going completely nuts.

Anyway, the girl shows up on Saturday morning. So before then I need to make a list of things to do before she gets here. Books needing to be read, writing needing to be done, like goals and stuff, and then cleaning and the comforter on the bed needs to be dry cleaned, and now that I got it out of the way and dropped $500 on this damned thing I need to turn it off and get back to work. Oh, the paradoxes of being Stuck...

But at least it looks like I went and got myself another $25/hr part-time job with some company - in Israel this time - editing grad school application essays. So it's like the TV will pay for itself, in some kind of twisted logic that involves hockey games in the background keeping me from hanging myself while working on this stuff.

Now for today, going to make a list. I love making lists - they make one feel so hopeful and optimistic. Then going to have coffee with the French exGF this afternoon, then probably going to go to this author talk at school tonight - even though I loathe the program that's sponsoring it - because it's the professor who's working with me on my novel this semester who's the author doing the talking. And she's really nice, and kinda cool, and I wouldn't mind hitting on her a little if given the chance...

Hope everyone's doing well! :l

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi to all my friends here:h hope you are able to take a break from your worries for today and just let the bright sunlight shine on you have a wonderful restful day.

Much Love from play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Quick pop in before work - you are sounding good stuck - I love making lists too and if I do something that isn't on my list, will actually write it on there so I can cross it off !!! What is your novel about? if you don't mind telling us .... I am interested !! Hope all goes well for you with your friend coming to visit and you get everything accomplished that you need to!!

Hi Play - nice to see you - hope all is well with you? Things are really good with me....

Hi there Space - how is the studying going? Last post it all sounded very good.....

Off to work for me - hi to everyone else,

love, sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning to anyone..... Space - where are you? Hope everything is okay with you. SO quiet here right now .

Love and hugs to all, Sun XX

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh hi there

I was unable to get on here with my ipad but I see now that it is possible to get on here on the laptop. Space, perhaps you have the same problem with your tablet?

Geez, I'm glad its weekend, I'm getting better but am still not 100% and lugging things up and down the stairs when dizzy and nauseous is not fun. I even had my first nose bleed ever yesterday which was very bizarre.

At least we now have a very lovely L-shaped suede couch which can also pull out into a bed for those really lazy weekends. It's nice for cuddling as is and the house feels a lot more homely with it here. We also have a second bed for the guest room/study but it must still be assembled...

Good luck for the weekend Stuck, I hope its everything you have dreamt it will be.

Thanks for the kind words, Sun and Play. How are the doggies doing, Sun?

We have three white cats next door that lived here for 6 months while their owner was doing renovations. They now think the garden belongs to them and the place is a real toilet so we have declared war with chicken wire and a water gun Well, we're going to lay down the chicken wire on all the nicely dug up beds thats already 1/4 poo (for some reason these ones don't believe in covering up) and then spray them with water to teach them that they no longer live here. I love cats but they should know that in future they are visiting not living. Especially when I have a kitten of my own. I would've been happy with the chicken wire alone but I'm afraid seeing what joy the water gun has given hubby... boys will be boys and its harmless. Just a little squirt and they run for the hills.

I spent quite a few periods of my youth not having a TV, Houtx, at first its bad but then you get used to it and actually do other stuff like read books or cook dinner or meet friends. Right now I'm a complete TV slave with Sky (cable) and everything but I'm making up for all the years I went without! I love cool HBO series and local UK cooking shows, comedy shows and shows where people buy houses, I watch the house shows mainly to get to know the local towns and how much houses cost in different areas of the country. Luckily the UK is a lot smaller than the US in that regard! Although I don't think I can really live in the cheaper North as its quite dark and cold enough for me here in the Southwest!

I'm cooking a pork shoulder tonight with mash (potatoes - the way to an Irish man's heart) and veg so I better go check on it.

Love and hugs to all,

:l:l:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Im back on, I don't know what happened but I just couldn't get the site up and it is my laptop Im using so just not sure.

Really I just wanted to pop on and say hello and to mostly wish stuck a lovely weekend. Try to take it easy, have some fun and just be you and everything will go well.

when did Houxt loose her tv, you must still have a laptop right, I use that more than I use my tv,
I just got sky but Im still learning how to use it and don't know any good programms yet. Apart from the house ones which I used to love but waste so much time, even living in the cold dark north I can never afford to buy my own home anyway unless I could get a job and a mortgage which is never likely to happen the way things are right now. plus Im too old to get a mortgage. or a job for that matter.

dizzy everything will sort itself out soon, its too bad that you where both ill when you moved but you will soon catch up, it sounds like your home is coming together already. Im not an avid gardener and have never had neighbours cats being a nuisance but I have know people to end up having terrible arguments over it so its much better to use the water gun approach, they will soon learn. I have a cat that comes to my front door looking for food, which I give to him, he doesn't go in the back because of the dogs and has never been a problem except for one Christmas day he came into the house and got up the tree, he wont let anyone pick him up and it was job getting him out, I had baubles everywhere Im not sure where he lives, if in fact he lives anywhere or just goes from house to house. He eats ham, chicken, infact any nice meat but refuses cat food which I bought him once. He just looked at me and said he wasn't being fobbed off with that

x

Love to everyone

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

People - I am not obsessed with TV - just kindof can't live without it. I like the background noise and do enjoy lots of different shows off the networks: HGTV, FOODTV, TLC, BRAVO, others...but not too many other than these. It's on while I do other things. I NEVER sit in front of the TV and just watch...jeez, I'm a teacher for one thing, and have stacks of papers on any given evening I grade while watching stupid TV. I somehow feel like I am defending my watching TV now. Why the F does anyone care??

I do what I do as does Space and MOST others on here. Some of you may chime in and say "Oh I never watch TV" like that's points in your favor. This is not a competition. No fingers pointed, just a friendly reminder...it's in the category of "WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY" Just a friendly reminder, my dears

Alls well w/ me - I have been bolstered by your approval w/ my drinking 1 bottle & 1 toddy...it's bullshit really. I should not take the toddy to bed & I should cut down below 1 bottle. HHAAHHAA -

I feel actually good with the above on weeknights. Weekends, my goals are to keep to the same basic guidelines...w/ the "ehhhhh" factored in....2 bottles are normal. UGH tonight, a Friday night, I've consumed 1 1/2 bottles, and about to turn in. I am not drunk, in control, graded 6 sets of papers - YAY ME!!!

I'm ok, not feeling guilty, this is my reality. So what with this being a Friday night, I'm TIRED, going to bed, w/ a toddy to watch Mad Men...hope alls well elsewhere
XO

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx - maybe I haven't read back far enough to know right away why, but your post sounded a little defensive. So I'm sticking up for you. Rock on as long as you're getting your papers graded. Those are a nightmare. And your drinking doesn't sound too bad or out of control or anything like that. Hell, I used to grade papers at the bar, drinking and with TV and noise all around me.

Well, I'm off for the night. Gonna roll over in bed here and sleep, and pick the girl up from the airport bright and early in the morning. Will probably not be around much if at all over the weekend. Hope everyone's doing well! :l:l:l

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Grading papers are such a pain, especially the writing, literature papers. When grading them I need quiet to focus. But give me math, or multiple choice and I can watch anything and correct. I can't drink and correct because I would make a mess of them. I use drink as a reward for all the work I do and as a way to relax.
To all that are interested, I am using hypnosis, and or meditation to help to limit my drinking. I don't know if it has limited my alcohol but it is helping my overall outlook on life. The life of the teacher has gotten so frustrating, I am spending hours creating lessons, taking classes and grading papers. We have numerous observations with crazy amounts of reflections that go with them. I am spending more time outside of the classroom working then I do inside. So,,,,, I need the relaxation techniques, the spiritual nature of my readings and hypnosis. There was a full moon yesterday, a time that creates a sense of crazy behavior with animals and children. I didn't even notice.
It is nice to work with a therapist that also believes in looking to the good, and I am trying so hard to let things just roll over me. Honestly, this is working when I look to the good and count my blessings instead of always looking to the bad.
The biggest things I am trying to change is why I am drinking and trying so hard not to be such a perfectionist. If I don't get a great observation, oh, well.
So, on to reading and listening to my spiritual leaders.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hey there everybody - I have no idea why you couldn't get on the site Dizzy and Space - I had no problems. Thanks for the e-mail - by the time you e-mailed me though you were up and running.....

Stuck - you are probably not around this weekend - hope it goes well for you :l:l

Dizzy - please get to feeling better ! Yes, the dogs are doing really well - had to take the puppy for his shots today and he did fine. I am so happy that we got both the mum and the puppy - they are such a delight !! And they get on so well with our other dog - it is lovely to see them all racing around the garden together. I am not going to comment on the digging though - LOL - I have been busy fencing in all the flower beds !!!!

Good idea with the water gun and the chicken wire - hope it all works out for you.

Space - hallo there. I have no idea why the site would not come up for you. How odd. Maybe it wouldn't have for me either but it was all to do with timing ? I did laugh at the cat that you feed not eating cat food !!

Houtx - I never have any sort of background noise - I love quiet! I have certain TV shows that I DVR and watch them when I have the time and inclination. But generally do not have it on. Hubs likes to watch the news. I think that if you feel that you are doing better with the AL, that is what is important. It matters not how much you drink - it is if you are able to slowly cut down - right? IF that is what you want to do? If you don't, then go for it. You sound, as Stuck said, slightly defensive - BUT I think that if you feel you are doing okay - then that is all that matters. I think once you get used to the amounts that you are drinking now, and then want to cut down - well, you are doing it the right way - you are so aware of it, then that is good - right?

Meggie - How are you doing? I am so happy that the hypnosis and the relaxation techniques are helping you. Your therapist sounds really good. Yes, I think to stop the drinking, one has to find out why we are drinking ......and that is so hard!

Much love and many hugs to all,

Love, Sun XXX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello - yes, sorry if I sounded a bit harsh, I know I did. My sometimes riled-up responses. TV is to each their own. Yes, Meggie- we share the same teaching frustrations. Good hypnosis and focusing on positives are working for you. Hope all continues to go well!

Hope Stuck is having fun! I woke up this morning at about 5:30 after a long and vivid dream about my past love "HB"/heartbreak. Dreamed he and a good friend, 20 years his junior got married!! I was there and every time he & I were alone so I could ask him, "WTF???" she would show up right behind him. They called each other "Baby" all the time, which killed me. My friend in real life is rather overweight, but in the dream she was thin and gorgeous in her wedding dress. I asked them how they met, both were nervous and embarrassed...finally said "in an online sex chat room" !!!!!

So hilarious b/c this friend doesn't even have a Facebook account!! It was a long-ass dream that was just SO shocking on every level. It woke me up at daybreak and made me think I need to get my shit together!! I need to lose 10 lbs or whatever will make me feel better and put myself out there again!! Watching my HB stroke my friend's shapely legs and calling her "Baby" was a nightmare!! LOL GAWD - what our brains do!!!

Hope Stuck & everyone else is having a great weekend!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houxt the dream sounds horrific, I also get very disturbing dreams that leave a bad feeling when I wake. Im not sure what way you think you need to get your shit together, is it to date again? You are such a brave determined woman I cant be arsed, it would probably be a good thing if I did have an interest at the least but I just don't, I think a side effect of my meds is lowered sex drive, so no sex drive = no looking for a man. and before anyone says it I know its not about sex but what Im saying is my natural urge to hunt out a man has gone.

Both you and me are single and although I share my house with my sons I rarely see them so maybe the tv on in the background thing is for company, anyway I find it very soothing and comforting and can do so much more when its on than not. I like silence now and again but too much of it is stiefeling. Before my last post it sounded like someone had said you didn't have one. I still haven't watched mad men its not out on UK version of Netflix, love film have it but not to stream to borrow on dvd not sure if I want to join just to get that tho although I could use the free month they offer for it. At a group I went to a couple of days ago the guy who was running it said he had stopped watching big bang and it had given him an hour more in his day, but when I asked him what he was doing with it he said reading a book, which is just another form of escape anyway isn't it. There some kind of snobbery there I think that reading is a worthwhile pursuit and tv isn't but really no difference.


Me and my therapist have parted ways, I wasn't getting what I wanted anymore from her and there had been too many breaks in our treatment with her going on holiday half the time. But basically it started out promising but the bubble soon burst and there was no purpose of carrying on. I had been very positive to begin with as therapy has never worked for me before but it had become a repeat of the past attempts at my going, I know what they are going to advise and I also know what doesn't and does work for me, its whether Im able to do it that's the difficulty.

I have never had a problem with knowing the reason why I drink, it has always been blatently obvious to me, I like it, I like the effect, I need to self medicate, I want to avoid thoughts/feeling, I want to have mindless drunken sex ect ect. I am not drinking at the moment, just not wanting it, it does seem to be the least of my problems nowadays whereas it was the big one for me, the big one now is still depression, if I can beat that then I will be feeling good. I see my pdoc at the beginning of next month, I think the constant depression, although not massive depression could be caused by a med Im taking, I have been reading up on it and I don't seem to be the only one who feels like this on it so I will look into the alternatives, although I do think Im running out of them.

Im glad things are looking up for you meggie, do you think the hypno is working better now, did you say you have started seeing a therapist as well or is it the same person.

Hope everyone is well and having a good weekend