New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning Stuck - yes, the thread is really quiet - has been for some time now I think. Either everyone is fine or totally not !! I have to smile at you and your relationship - yeh, going away for a weekend with your ex doesn't exactly bode well for a new relationship - LOL

I am so proud of you with the no AL - you have done really well. Well done.

Sorry you are so swamped with side jobs and stuff but at least it is extra money - right? And hopefully keeps you out of mischief!

Love and hugs everyone, Sun XXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yeah - something like that, Sun - I'm doing application coaching for people who are applying for university. Basically, 'helping' them write their personal statements, resumes, things like that. Right now I have something like 9 students, 3 or 4 or them applying for PhDs, 2 applying for undergraduate, and the rest MBAs - and their deadlines are all like 2 weeks away because they are morons. I used to do this drunk off my ass, and that seemed way better.

Hugs to all and hang in there. Alcoholism is really hard, but there IS HOPE, people!

[free2bch]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks for the input Sunshine! Definitely appreciated! Day 2 of AF and of Topa. Nothing major cuz its only 2 days, except that I didn't have to talk myself through not stopping at the liquor store that's 3 minutes away on my way home. Never even entered my mind. That, and the fact that I'm perfectly sober and content tonight is a really nice feeling! Hoping for many more days like that! So grateful to have found you all.

[briseus]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello all,
I have disappeared because I have been drinking...again, back to everyday...I am still on 200mg of the Topa and I still have the cravings...I don't want to go up on the dosage because I just can't afford it. I tried to get insurance but they declined me...I guess when I put off-label use for weight loss on the topa they thought something was fishy. I am thinking of applying to another insurance company and leaving the topa off all together...keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that they approve me.
Has anyone else had this problem? I really don't want to buy this stuff online (I know some people do because it is cheaper). I am getting the generic stuff too.
I just wish I never got addicted to the damn booze. It's ruining my freakin' life. I am so down and out...I'm so gawddamn miserable! I HATE THIS!!!

Sorry. Rant.
I wish I was just approved...dammit.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh gosh Bri - I am so sorry !!!! that is the absolute pits. No - I had no trouble with getting it from my doc but it is on my record as to why. I hate that you need a higher dose, but as you know, I did too. I never thought it was going to work for me. IF you can scrape the money together - please get it on line ! I know it is expensive but in the long run it will be way cheaper for you....... fingers crossed and hoping that you can get it from an inusrance company - but if you can't, think about the on-line way - okay?

Free - you are the other end of the spectrum - the Topa is working already? WONDERFUL on two days AF - such an accomplishment ! Those first few days are so very hard! So to have even 2 days Af is great! keep in touch - okay?

Hugs to all - Space - WHERE ARE YOU ? And Dizzy - we miss you here (well I do anyway - LOL).

off to bed for me ......

love, sun XXX

[free2bch]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bri - sorry to hear that you are struggling so much!! The grip of cravings can be a real nightmare. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you find a solution. I never wanted to fess up to my doctor about my drinking either, but when she saw that the numbers for my liver had doubled I didn't have to tell her cuz she flat out asked me if I was drinking! It was a scary moment, but actually now I feel relief cuz that part is over with and now I can focus on getting better.

I did talk to my BFF about the conversation with my doctor, but I haven't told my live-in boyfriend about it. The problem isn't that he wouldn't be supportive, cuz he would. The problem is that he would start watching me like a hawk and being on me about absolutely everything I'm doing and that would probably make me want to drink! So, I'm trying the Topa, talking with you all, meditation, organizing the crap out of my life cuz trust me it is NEEDED, and most importantly trying to either abstain or moderate from alcohol. I did end up drinking last night, but I think I actually did pretty good. I was out with 9 other bff's for one of the girl's birthdays. We went out all night for dinner and then to a bar, and I had a total of 2 glasses of wine and 1 and 1/2 mixed drinks. When I got home last night my BF said wow, you really aren't drunk are you? I said, nope, trying to do things differently. Especially after my last big binge last Tuesday night when he came home and found me passed out and hunched over the computer. I'm just not ok with that, so I plan to really stay focused on all of the tools I have found here. There was wine in the fridge and I always want to end my night by killing off any bottle in the fridge, but after only a few moments of minimal cravings, I put the wine out of my head and went to sleep :-)

Thank you everyone and I look forward to reading your posts. Well wishes to you all!
Free2b

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there free - that sounded really good about the amount that you drank when you were out with your g/f's! I am so impressed with the way that you are dealing with it all. Does your live in partner drink? I so agree about the way that he would react - and you don't want that - I think that if someone is watching us it makes us want to drink more simply because we want to show them!! LOL.

My hubs does drink - and when he drinks, he drinks way more than me. Knows that he has a problem - but amazes me by just STOPPING !!! For a while anyway - then buys some and the cycle starts again. But he is harmless when he drinks so I am okay with it - who am I to talk anyway? I got home today from lunch out with his mum and he had got me a four pack of Guinness !!!

Stay close to us eh? You are doing really well - please PM me if ever you need to - any questions or whatever.

Hugs, Sun XXXX

[free2bch]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun,
Thanks for the kudos. And for the offer of PM - I really do appreciate it and would like to take you up on it! I believe in staying in touch and your words have been very helpful and supportive!

Unfortunately I did better last night than today :-( The wine I didn't drink last night called out to me today while I was home alone. Once I was into the binge today I thought maybe I should take the Topa to slow the desire down (if it actually would), but I am a bit fearful of how that may interact with the alcohol and if there would be bad side effects. Just don't want to mix anything too harmful since I'm already not being super smart! I sort of figure today may be a lost cause. Been a really good 3 days, and I will get back on focus tomorrow. But I welcome any suggestions about the interaction for future knowledge.

My BF drinks a little (very little), however Mary Jane is his drug of choice and that is something he has to work on - big time, frankly. I don't really feel too bad about not being fully honest about all this with him because the discussion has been on the table since right after my doctor that I need to work on my drinking and he needs to work on his MJ habit anyway. We are both in agreement that it is a definite must right now. I think one of the problems that got in my way today, besides the fact that I felt a bit on the depressive side, was that there was alcohol in the house. He is flying out of state on Wednesday, probably until Christmas, for work, and at that time, I plan to keep no extra alcohol around the house. The store is still literally 3 minutes walk away, but hopefully not having it in the house will help me get the initial phase under control. The other part, the depression, I think will probably start being contained when I get some major things truly organized at home and work. I'll just put it as simply as I can: I love my man - and he really is a good man - but he is a pot-smoking personal home tornado and that is combined with the 40 hour per week work partner I have who seriously has some type of brain damage and has made the last 3 years of my work frankly a hot-freakin-mess that I am now in charge of cleaning up! My man is leaving town to work and my work partner is out long term due to illness and I have been told my doctor to get my physical self in order. So, time to CLEAN IT ALL UP!!! I have a feeling that ORDER as well as more sober moments will all add to much more personal sanity!

Again, thank you so much Sun, and every one here for your input! It really is helping. I'm definitely not perfect with my drinking issues, but I'm so so so grateful to no longer be alone with my drinking issues. Love to you all!
Free2bch

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Free - no worries about yesterday being better than today - one day at a time. I kept drinking until the Topa kicked in - LOL - not that I would recommend that way to anyone - IF you can stop before it does then way to go !!

Taking the Topa once you start drinking will do nothing for you regarding slowing you down. And it doesn't really matter if you drink while taking it - probably not what you needed to hear right? The Topa builds in your system so doesn't do anything if you take it, like antabuse does.

I did laugh - I had NO IDEA what Mary Jane was - it was only on reading further that it clicked what you were on about ! I am so naive in many ways - I learn something new every day! WHY is it called mary jane?

You do sound sort of frantic right now - calm down - breathe !! With everyone going out of town you will have some you time and as you said - keep the AL out of the house.

Oh gosh - just had a tree come down in the back garden across the fence ... we are under a tornado watch with really high winds - got to go .......

Hugs, sun XXXX

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi SUN!!

Hi ladies- I used to participate in this thread a couple years ago.

I went down hill pretty bad for about a year & I should have stuck around here but I did feel like a burden because I was such an emotional mess. I got into some counseling & am working on my drinking again. It is hard for me.
I have started taking Naltrexone again recently very recently. I am working on what dose works for me. I have been "trying" to only drink on the weekends which has been going ok sometimes a Thurs slips in.
I really miss having someone to talk to about my daily happenings with drinking & cravings. It's important to me to be able to be a good support for all here too.

My husband & I are doing much better so that is helping with my drinking. I just can't seem to kick the binge drinking. I have cut my days back & I do have days that I don't get drunk now so I am making progress just slow.
Baby steps. I have been working on self love & acceptance too.

I won't write a book cause I am just coming back. Next post HA! Just kidding.
So good to know you are still here.:l

[free2bch]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, I sure hope everything is ok. Hearing a lot about the tornado stuff, so hope you and your family are safe! As for why pot is called Mary Jane, no clue other than the fact that it is spelled MariJuana and I think people who get stoned like to sit around making up creative ways to name their drugs!
Anyway, much better today. AL free. My BF suggested having wine while watching the football game, and he just about feel over when I said I didn't want any wine tonight. No doubt it was a shocker cuz I ALWAYS want wine! One day at time. Looking forward to no hang over tomorrow :-)

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I usually get a post in my email inbox and haven't lately. This thread is very quiet, the holidays are coming and that can make everybody busy. Sun, I am still working on trying to stay positive, meditating and have started doing more yoga. But I don't know why but I have been drinking more.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone! HEY THERE BK - lovely to see you again - why do you stay away when you need us the most? You are never a burden no matter how much of a mess you might have been !!! THAT is when you need the support the most. Glad that you have started taking the Nal - I so hope it works for you. trying to just drink on weekends is a really good start and even if a Thursday slips in, ast least you are AF the other days - any AF day is a good one! And yes, self acceptance and love is so important - I feel so good these days because I have managed to change my opinion of me. lovely to see you here - stay a while this time eh?

Hi there Free - yes, we are all fine - the fence isn't so great but it is just a fence. And all the small twigs around the garden are great fun for the dogs - so it isn't all bad. we just have to get the trunk of the tree off the fence - LOL At least we are all fine - not like many others who have suffered loss. We ended up putting the AC on in here yesterday as it was so warm - crazy weather. Back to 40 degrees this morning and the heat ....

Really glad that you said no yesterday - how lovely for you - and yes, to wake up clear headed is so wonderful isn't it? Good for you.....

Meggie - good to see you too. Just keep plugging away at the staying positive. You have changed over the past few months - you can feel it in your posts so something is working. Do you drink the same amount each night? Maybe you can try to cut it by one tonight ..... after a week or so, then try cutting it by another. At least try the cutting by one maybe?

Where is everyone else ? Not much going on here but this thread goes through phases like this now and then - it will come back.

Much love to all, off to get ready for work,

Hugs, sun XX

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun
are you ok after all the storms??? I have been thinking of you all weekend

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks for the warm welcome back!

Free- glad to hear you will be feeling good today. I hate hangovers. They make me really depressed. It takes a lot of will power when you have your closest friends offering you a drink. Good job in declining.

Sun- I have missed you. I'm sorry to hear that you have been dealing with some weather. From the sounds of it- you are ok? How has your drinking been? It always seemed that you had it under control. Thanks for your kind words- you are so right that some AF days are good. Being positive toward that will help more than beating myself up for the ones I do.

Hi Meggie- looking forward to getting to know you.

I am feeling a bit depressed today after my Saturday night binge. I am really sick of over drinking. I can make it thru the week AF but as soon as Friday hits it's like I feel I have permission. I gave made it thru a couple of weekends AF and I love the feeling I have when I can do it. It just seems by the end of the week I am mental exhausted & want an escape.
Well here is to another start of a week AF. I just need to work thru the weekends.
Good day to all!